- vor 7 Wochen
Die Folgen 4 & 5 sind in Englisch mit deutschen Untertiteln.
Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiier kommt … ALFie? Wenn das irrste Alien der Galaxis die Moderation einer beliebten Talkshow übernimmt, müssen wir uns auf allerlei Überraschendes gefasst machen.
Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiier kommt … ALFie? Wenn das irrste Alien der Galaxis die Moderation einer beliebten Talkshow übernimmt, müssen wir uns auf allerlei Überraschendes gefasst machen.
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SpaßTranskript
00:01Alf hosting The Tonight Show?
00:03What a great idea!
00:05Everybody thought so, except Johnny.
00:08So, Johnny, have you been watching the show?
00:11Yeah, what do you think?
00:15Alright, alright, I'm sorry I broke your cup.
00:19Um, look, Johnny, uh, I'd love to keep talking,
00:22but you know what it's like here in the big chair.
00:25Yeah, gotta keep things moving.
00:27Hey, after I'm done, why don't I come over
00:30and we'll hit the hot tub together.
00:33Hello?
00:34Hello?
00:57Hello?
00:58Hello?
00:59Hello?
01:00Hello?
01:01Hello?
01:02Hello?
01:03Hello?
01:04Hello?
01:05Hello?
01:06Hello?
01:07Hello?
01:08Hello?
01:09Hello?
01:10Hello?
01:11Hello?
01:12Hello?
01:13Hello?
01:14Hello?
01:15Hello?
01:16Hello?
01:18Hello?
01:19Hello?
01:20Hello?
01:21Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
01:51Hier, hold this, Willie
01:53What is it?
01:55Oh, that's just nuclear waste from my spaceship
01:58Oh, hey, don't worry
02:02Life on this planet will exist as long as that little lid doesn't pop off
02:06Oh, wait, these are my crayons
02:13Just tell us why you did it
02:18It was Willie's idea
02:20What?
02:21Don't try to warm your way out of this one
02:23You said we'd build a lagoon
02:25I said we'd build a little lagoon
02:28Not the great Tanner Weaver
02:31Okay, okay, I misunderstood
02:34I'm sorry
02:35I made a boo-boo
02:37A boo-boo
02:38Say, what are you doing here?
02:47Training the guests
02:48Hey Tex, looks like you're putting on a little weight there, huh?
02:51When I speak with you in the kitchen just for a moment
02:56Hey, not now, Willie
02:58Your pumpkin's on fire
02:59His pumpkin's on fire!
03:02Come here!
03:04Well, who is this little guy?
03:06This is Gordon, everyone
03:07Gordon's an old friend of our family
03:10Bernice, don't mention his height, he's very sensitive
03:13Hey cowgirl, nice calves!
03:16Nice calves!
03:20Good morning, America, how are ya?
03:28Don't you know me?
03:30I'm your native son
03:32What's the next line?
03:36Just be quiet
03:38Really?
03:39I'm surprised that song was such a big hit
03:42Just be quiet, just be quiet, just be quiet
03:47La, la, la, la, la, la, la
03:50A picture's worth a thousand words
03:53That picture was worth a thousand dollars
04:01Well, maybe the frame makes it look cheap
04:05I am tired of your breaking things
04:10If this happens one more time, you will be living in the garage
04:15From now on, I'll treat this house as if it were my own
04:19Treat it as if it were my house
04:22And don't break anything
04:24Cheap frame
04:27Well, I guess it can be repaired
04:32Hands up!
04:38Red alert! Red alert! Alien coming through!
04:43What was Elf running for?
04:47Occupied!
04:48Oh, I'm sorry
04:49Elf knows that's not a bathroom, doesn't he?
04:53I hope so
04:53No problem!
05:13Stop!
05:14Stop!
05:15Well, I guess we'll have to order in
05:24Hey! That was great!
05:33Let's show it again
05:34Let's not
05:34Fine
05:36Well, I've got a better idea
05:38You think you can hold down the fort for a minute
05:40And don't sit in my chair
05:42I guess I could fill time with one of my live commercials
05:45Ed! Ed!
05:47This shameless self-promotion does not become you
05:51I know
05:52I'll show a clip
05:54While I leave the room
05:56You folks watch these scenes of me leaving the room
05:59Alf, hide in the kitchen
06:04You know, if you weren't always sending me to the kitchen
06:07I might not eat so much
06:09Alf
06:10Please
06:11Please
06:12Well, no wonder Willie's pants don't fit me anymore
06:15Alf, hide in the kitchen
06:20Yeah
06:21Just call me Pavlov's Alien
06:23Alf, go into the kitchen
06:28Go into the kitchen
06:29Go into the kitchen
06:31As a woman, you should be sensitive to the demeaning undertones in that remark
06:36Now
06:37You're betraying your sisters
06:40Hey, Tannis! It's us!
06:47Alf, kitchen
06:49No problem
06:50I'll call a cab
06:51You'll walk
06:53Now
06:54One day, I'll walk into that kitchen
06:58And keep right on walking
07:00Oh
07:00Ow!
07:07Alf, hide in the kitchen
07:09Alf, hide in the kitchen
07:09Oh, we're back, apparently
07:15What happened to the pushy furball?
07:19Who cares? At least he's gone
07:21Yo, point those cameras over here
07:24Oh
07:25Oh, no, not that
07:27Hey, feature film freaks
07:33Alf, Fern here
07:34We'll get right back to our film
07:36Burns and Allen
07:37Burns and Schreiber
07:38Olsen and Johnson
07:39Johnson and Johnson
07:40And damp the muskox in
07:42Rin Tin Tin
07:43Makes a Mess Mess Mess
07:45Friends
07:46Are you getting too fat
07:48For things you used to fit in
07:50Like your house?
07:52When you get on the scale
07:53Does it say
07:54Get off the elephant first?
07:57Does your sunken chest
07:58Appear on pirate treasure maps?
08:01Then come to our health club
08:03Pex R Us
08:05At Pex R Us
08:07We'll tone up your muscles
08:08While we slim down your wallet
08:10At Pex R Us
08:12You'll build your biceps
08:13Banging on our door
08:15For a refund
08:16Yes, friends
08:17We've got barbells and dumbbells
08:19And speaking of dumbbells
08:20Here's our own
08:21Matinee lady
08:23I go to Pex R Us
08:25And work up a sweat
08:26Hmm
08:27You work up a sweat
08:28Reading the instructions
08:29On a stop sign
08:31Friends
08:32You say you want a pup iron
08:34Well, come to Pex R Us
08:36You can start by pressing my shorts
08:40Hey, we also sell fighting
08:43So you can choose between
08:44A, B, C, D, and E
08:46I prefer E
08:47Well, you can't even spell E
08:49Friends, if you want to join Pex R Us
08:53Come on down to our main office
08:55How do you get there?
08:57Hmm
08:58You take the Golden State Freeway
09:01To the Ventura Freeway
09:02To the San Diego Freeway
09:04Till you come to the Slauson Cutoff
09:05Get out of your car
09:07Cut off your Slauson
09:08Get back in your car
09:10Then drive nine more miles
09:12To the neon sign that says
09:13Steroids on tap
09:15That's our main office
09:17Uh, take that out of my check
09:21Consider it done
09:23Uh, uh, now back to our movie
09:26Gene Barry, Barry Nelson, Nelson, Eddie, Eddie Albert
09:28And Gotcha the Wonder Goose
09:30In
09:31Minnie Tells Mickey
09:32The Roger Rabbit Died
09:34So, how'd you like the bit?
09:54I hope it's as funny when Johnny does it on Friday
09:56How could it be?
09:59He doesn't have my delivery
10:00And he doesn't have the pointer anymore
10:03I know
10:05Let's talk about that planet you came from
10:07What's it called?
10:08Tarmac?
10:10Melmac
10:11And by fortunate coincidence
10:14It's the subject of my next fascinating set of clips
10:17Mind if I show them Oedipus?
10:21Clips
10:22Sounds like a nice
10:23Change of pace
10:25I say we fight violence with violence
10:29That's how we solve things back home
10:32But, Alf, don't you remember what happened to your planet?
10:36Well, it blew up in a nuclear holocaust
10:38Why?
10:40Don't you see the connection?
10:44What connection?
10:46I give up
10:47Me too
10:49I'm gonna lie down
10:50My head is spinning
10:51What are you guys doing?
10:53Trading Booyah Baseball cards
10:56What's Booyah Baseball?
10:58It's baseball on Melmac
11:00Instead of a ball
11:01They throw fish guts
11:02Fish parts
11:04The guts are sold at the concession stand
11:07Oh, football
11:12Can I watch too?
11:14Oh, Alf
11:14Last time we watched football together
11:16Your belt stole through the whole game
11:18Hey
11:19That's how we applaud on Melmac
11:21Hey, good catch
11:23Jake may have some problems
11:29But he's not going to be sent to prison
11:31Yeah?
11:33Tell that to my cousin
11:34Pretty boy, Shumway
11:36He grew up on the south side of Melmac
11:39The baddest part of the planet
11:41If he didn't like your shoes
11:44Do you mean he'd shoot a person
11:48Just because he didn't like his shoes?
11:50No
11:50He'd just point at them and go
11:52Where's Lizard taking you?
11:57Out to a science fiction movie
11:59Something about this guy being shrunk
12:01And then injected into someone else
12:03Well, that's not science fiction
12:05A friend of mine did that once
12:07He took a wrong turn
12:09And got stuck in the guy's nose
12:11I'd rather get beat up
12:13Than be called a snitch
12:15Yeah
12:16That's the worst
12:18On Melmac
12:19Some guy called me a snitch
12:21Just because I turned him
12:23Into the secret police
12:24What are you doing in this barrel?
12:28Oh, there I was getting ready
12:29To go up Widowmaker Falls
12:32You went up a waterfall?
12:35Yeah
12:36And the ride was so rough
12:37I almost threw down
12:39Oh, no
12:43Oh, yes
12:46They're the first humans
12:49Who've ever heard the dreaded
12:51Melmacian hiccups
12:53What is it that makes them so dreaded?
12:58Besides that irritating metallic echo
13:01That irritating metallic echo
13:04Gets louder and louder
13:06Day by day
13:07Week by week
13:09Year by year
13:11There are many things in this universe
13:17You're not meant to understand
13:19Now that doesn't mean they're not real
13:22I'm real
13:24And whether other people believe you or not
13:27You know I'm real
13:29Thank you
13:31Let me ask you something
13:38Why are you wearing all those utensils?
13:43Oh, well that's one of the things
13:45You're not supposed to understand
13:47Now here's another one
13:49You should set a couple of pumpkin pies
13:51Out on your back porch
13:53Once a week
13:54And never question why they disappear
13:57Uh, twice a week
13:59So, what do you think?
14:04I think Johnny will never speak to me again
14:08Hey, hey, relax
14:10If Johnny's gonna be mad at anybody
14:12It'll be Fred
14:13Booking all those unprepared guests
14:16Now speaking of guests
14:17His Holiness John Paul is back
14:19Great, let's bring him out
14:21Just as soon as I show these clips
14:28Roll them
14:33I hear you're looking for a few good monks
14:52Oh, howdy, Raquel
15:01Ahh
15:13Ah!
15:31Care for a cookie?
15:38All right, after your nap.
15:43Oh, Alf, what are you doing?
15:45We're just sitting...
15:46There will be no talking during tonight's performance.
15:49And now, our opening joke.
15:51Say hello, dummy.
15:53Hello, dummy.
15:55Oh, brother.
15:58Uh-oh. The crowd looks tough.
16:01So does the roast beef.
16:03Ah!
16:16Alf, are you all right?
16:18Oh, yeah. Everything's fine.
16:21Why...
16:22Why do you have those clothespins attached to your head?
16:26It's a form of acupressure.
16:28On Melmac, we use it to relieve writer's block.
16:33Let's see.
16:35Which was the button for a cheeseburger?
16:41Uh...
16:42Hey, you! Come here!
16:48Yes?
16:49How did you get out of your cage?
16:52I work here.
16:54Uh, look.
16:56I'll give you five bucks if you let me out of this cage.
16:59Ten if you clean it while I'm out.
17:02And you guys want some beans?
17:05I do! I do!
17:07Ah, loose kangaroo!
17:16That ain't...
17:17You certainly are.
17:20Whoa!
17:21The natives are restless.
17:22Hey, ladies and gentlemen, it's Rich Little.
17:29Hi, Ed.
17:30What the heck are you doing here?
17:32Well, I'm, uh, here to guest host The Tonight Show.
17:36What a coincidence. So am I.
17:38Not for long. I just got a call from Johnny.
17:40Um, um, what did my close personal friend Johnny say?
17:45He said, and I quote,
17:50Ah.
17:54Get over there in 86, that troublemaking buffoon.
17:59Yeah?
18:00Yeah? Well, if Ed goes, I go.
18:04No, no, no, no.
18:05He meant you, Al.
18:07Listen.
18:09You got a major religious leader backstage.
18:11You've turned this whole thing into a commercial for your show.
18:15Oh, hey, you know,
18:16if Big John wants me to step aside
18:18and let you show your clips,
18:20so be it.
18:21I didn't bring any clips.
18:24In that case...
18:26Hey, Bobby,
18:27roll my final clip.
18:28The one I like to call
18:29Alf and Remembrance.
18:33Are you here because of a painful secret
18:36from your past like I am?
18:38Or are you just one of those guys
18:40who likes wearing a dress?
18:41Right.
18:46We're a silent order.
18:48We don't speak.
18:50Ixnay on the eking spay.
18:54Got it.
19:01Mm, mm, mm.
19:09Joke time, all right?
19:10This one will knock you on your cassocks.
19:12What happened when the heater went off in the convent?
19:16They had a bunch of blue nuns.
19:19Ah!
19:20Ah!
19:20Ah!
19:21Blue nuns!
19:22Get it?
19:23Ah!
19:28Tough room.
19:31I was gonna faint,
19:32but I think I made my point.
19:35Too bad we didn't buy it.
19:38You didn't?
19:38Oh!
19:40Oh!
19:43Alf, you fainted on a snail.
19:46Whoa.
19:47Whoa.
19:48Whoa.
19:51Now, the trick here
19:53is to concentrate
19:54all your energy
19:55and let it explode
19:57in a blinding flash of destruction.
20:00Watch.
20:04Hi-yah!
20:04All right!
20:08Well, that never worked before.
20:10Do it again.
20:11Okay.
20:15Hi-yah!
20:17I guess there's only pain
20:19when you don't break the board.
20:23Unbelievable pain.
20:24Let me tuck you in.
20:28Okay.
20:30There you go.
20:31Thanks, Alf.
20:33You're a good friend.
20:35Hey, anything for my willy.
20:38You want me to press my lips
20:39up against your forehead?
20:46Oh.
20:46That piece doesn't fit there.
20:51Yes, it does.
20:55Voila.
20:56Excuse me, Kate.
20:58I'm off to South Dakota.
21:00I've got a rendezvous
21:02with history.
21:12Alf,
21:12why don't you try
21:13holding your breath again?
21:14That should work.
21:15Okay.
21:16Okay.
21:30Alf!
21:33Body block!
21:40We'll be right back
21:41after this commercial.
21:43I hope it's a promo
21:44for my show.
21:56Well, let's put it to a vote.
21:58Was this the best
21:59Tonight Show ever?
22:00I abstain.
22:04And I demand a recount.
22:07And I'd like to thank my guests,
22:09Dr. Joyce Brothers,
22:11Joan Embry of the San Diego Zoo,
22:13and His Holiness, Pope...
22:15Oh, oh, oh, oh,
22:16I never brought out the Pope.
22:18You've got 30 seconds.
22:20Ladies and gentlemen,
22:21His Holiness, Pope John Paul II.
22:22Hey, I'd like to thank my guests,
22:38Joyce, Joan,
22:39and of course, Pope.
22:41Uh, Johnny,
22:42sorry about your cup
22:43and your dressing room,
22:45uh, and the limo.
22:46Uh, did I say limo?
22:47Ha!
22:48That wasn't me.
22:49Just the first two.
22:50Good night, everybody!
22:53How do you get those whites so white?
22:54Yes, please,
22:58that wasn't me.
22:59I thought so much,
23:00but the last two.
23:01Woo-hoo,
23:02and I can't go with that.
23:03Okay,
23:04and I'll see you.
23:04I can't go with that.
23:05Go ahead,
23:06and do the good question.
23:06Go ahead and put your own
23:06To the making,
23:07and get those whites so white.
23:08Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
23:12We are so much in our region.
23:14So I can't go with that,
23:16and I can't go with that,
23:17and of course,
23:19and do the good stuff.
23:20It's too much in their own
23:21So I can't go with that.
23:23So I'm going with that.
23:24Musik
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