- há 5 meses
Jo visits a couple to help not to lose complete control over their four kids, including a 14-year-old bully-in-training.
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00:01Desert Land, Tucson, Arizona is where I'm at,
00:04ready to take a look at a family that desperately need my help.
00:07Hi.
00:08We're the Goldberg family from Tucson, Arizona.
00:10I'm Adam.
00:11I'm Shelby.
00:12And we have three children.
00:13Josh, Josh, Jacob!
00:14Stop!
00:15Six-and-a-half-year-old twin boys, Jacob and Joshua.
00:18Look at this.
00:19And our daughter, Jayden, who's three-and-a-half.
00:25Hey, guys.
00:26I'm a dietician, diabetes educator.
00:28Hi.
00:29I am a captain paramedic with the local fire department.
00:32I work 24-hour shifts about 10 days a month.
00:35I fully understand what it's like to be a single parent.
00:37With a ring up.
00:38I guess Mom would feel like a single parent,
00:40with Dad doing 24-hour shifts.
00:43Jacob, get upstairs!
00:44No!
00:45When I'm by myself, it's challenging.
00:47Come out of the car.
00:48No!
00:49No!
00:50They do act up more.
00:51Everything is escalated.
00:52I can't fight with you.
00:54Or they're talking back to me.
00:56Do not stick your tongue out at me.
00:57No, Dad!
00:58Dad!
00:59Dad!
01:00Dad!
01:01With Jacob, the most concerning thing is his temper.
01:04No!
01:05Dad!
01:06He gets wrong.
01:07He gets angry.
01:08I want to get out of here!
01:09Jacob!
01:10Oh, dear.
01:11Hey!
01:12No!
01:13No!
01:14Joshua thinks everything is a joke.
01:16It's not funny.
01:17Everything's funny, even when we're disciplining him.
01:19Now!
01:20Stop!
01:21No!
01:22Pick up all these right now.
01:23Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:24And so that gets us more frustrated at him.
01:27Get in your room and close the door.
01:31Jayden!
01:33Jayden's biggest issue is her tantrums.
01:35She falls to the ground.
01:36She will cry and scream out loud.
01:38And she's starting to hit now.
01:40Stop!
01:41Stop!
01:42Stop!
01:43Stop!
01:44Stop!
01:45It's just getting harder and harder as they get older.
01:48This doesn't only take place at home.
01:50This takes place...
01:51In public places.
01:52Stop!
01:53Josh, leave her alone.
01:54Josh, leave her...
01:55Is it what?
01:56I'll just give it to her.
01:58Look at this.
01:59Feeding time at the zoo.
02:01Stop.
02:07Stop!
02:08I'm tired of yelling.
02:10I'm tired of saying stop a hundred times in a day to the kids.
02:13Stop!
02:14Stop!
02:15Stop!
02:16You know what?
02:17I am a fan of this.
02:18Joshua, stop it!
02:19Go upstairs now before I start getting really angry.
02:21Stop!
02:22Sit down right here now.
02:23Sit down!
02:24Now that man's...
02:27Anger is trouble ahead.
02:29Josh!
02:30Josh!
02:31Josh!
02:32Josh!
02:33Josh!
02:34Josh!
02:35Josh!
02:36Josh!
02:37We're at our wit's end.
02:38We're not making any headway in their behavior.
02:40We need your help.
02:41Desperately.
02:42Don't hit him.
02:43No!
02:44No!
02:45Go!
02:46Super Natty, will you please come help us?
02:48Super Natty, will you please come help us?
02:49Knock it off!
02:50I've had it!
02:51Looks like your family have a 911 emergency.
02:54I'm on my way.
02:56Hello.
02:57What's your name?
02:58Josh.
02:59Hi, Josh.
03:00Pleased to meet you.
03:01I'm Joe.
03:02Hi, Joe.
03:03I'm Shelby.
03:04Hi, Shelby.
03:05Pleased to meet you.
03:06I'm Adam.
03:07Hi, Adam.
03:08Pleased to meet you.
03:09Joe.
03:10Mom and Dad were genuinely pleased to see me there.
03:11Hi, Jacob.
03:12Say hi.
03:13Pleased to meet you.
03:14How are you doing?
03:15When I first met Joe, she was like a knight in shining armor.
03:16I really felt a relief.
03:17I was kind of nervous thinking that, wow, I'm opening up my whole family to her.
03:18Stop eating like that.
03:19Stop eating like that.
03:20It was snack time when I arrived and the twins were chomping away at their popcorn.
03:21Jacob, stop eating like that.
03:22I'm going to take it away.
03:23Listen.
03:24Listen.
03:25And as the kids kicked off, Mom and Dad started giving them commands as if they were talking
03:29to a badly trained person.
03:30I'm going to take it away.
03:31I'm going to take it away.
03:32Listen.
03:33Listen.
03:34Listen.
03:35And as the kids kicked off, Mom and Dad started giving them commands as if they were talking
03:41to a badly trained dog.
03:42Joshy, sit in your chair.
03:43Josh, come on.
03:44Sit.
03:45Josh, please don't throw grapes.
03:46Last time.
03:47Stop throwing the food.
03:48Jacob.
03:49Stop.
03:50All this noise about stop eating like that.
03:51My whole family to her.
03:52Stop eating like that.
03:53It was snack time when I arrived and the twins were chomping away at their popcorn.
03:56Jacob, stop eating like that.
03:57I'm going to take it away.
03:58Listen.
03:59Listen.
04:00And as the kids kicked off, Mom and Dad started giving them commands as if they were talking
04:01to a badly trained dog.
04:02Joshy, sit in your chair.
04:03Joshy, put it down now.
04:04Put it down.
04:05One.
04:06Two.
04:07No.
04:08Put it down.
04:09Come here.
04:10Both of you, right now.
04:11I think he needs to know.
04:12Right now.
04:13Come here.
04:14I think he needs to know.
04:15Right now.
04:16Come here.
04:17I'd already noticed in submission that Dad had some serious anger issues to address.
04:18And it didn't take long for me to see his first explosion.
04:19Stop.
04:20No more.
04:21Stop.
04:22No more.
04:23Stop.
04:24No more.
04:25Stop.
04:26Stop.
04:27Stop.
04:28Stop.
04:29Stop.
04:30Stop.
04:31Stop.
04:32Stop.
04:33Stop.
04:34Stop.
04:35Stop.
04:36Stop.
04:37Stop.
04:38Stop.
04:39When the kids aren't listening and I'm repeating myself a lot, my frustration level gets very
04:43high very fast.
04:44Go.
04:45Clean up.
04:46Stop.
04:47dad gave up on getting the boys to listen to him and then the family decided that they were going
04:51to play a game but josh wouldn't settle he was still kicking off and mum sent him to his room
04:58go now go yes go one no i'm not sure do you want me to make a phone call no phone call to who one
05:08of the ways to get them to listen to us we've kind of threatened that we're going to call the
05:12policeman who the policeman so joshua i'm going to make a phone call right now no come upstairs now
05:20where i'm dialing that's it stop so you're really calling the police no but they think i am the
05:26policeman might take us to jail and we'll be in bed upstairs here i go it's ringing it's ringing
05:34calling the pretend police well i mean i've heard it all now haven't i josh went into his bedroom i
05:43thought i'd get more details from mum so is it like a team of police or just one police two policemen
05:49policeman smith and policeman jones oh they've got names yeah policeman smith and policeman and we call
05:54to see who's on duty no matter where they are when adam's at work sometimes i call and i talk to him
05:59and he puts on a voice and pretends he's a policeman so for me when i'm by myself this is the only method
06:05that works i've tried everything policeman smith and policeman jane putting on voices when actually
06:12what you need to do is deal with your own kids it's crazy be good for daddy please have a good day
06:22mum went off to work and for the second time i saw dad's temper flare up knock it off
06:29what do you think you're doing and i needed to know how aware he is of it stop come on how do you
06:35manage your your frustration your anger what kind of things have you got in place to support
06:40your tolerance level not much it just builds to a point where i yell and i've you know i've had it
06:47and they know it has that got worse over time yes okay you know and then after the fact i'll get
06:54really upset about what i've done or how yeah how bad i get for him or to him
07:01but i have been getting worse and getting more frustrated and i don't want to keep going that
07:05direction i don't want to be angry all the time you know what i've really hit a nerve here haven't i
07:10uh because i don't like yelling at him you guys think it's funny the kids know how to push dad's
07:18buttons and then he gets really angry and then he feels guilty about it afterwards and mum well let's
07:25face it she's got no authority at all and the kids know this we're gonna work on that thank you
07:30sorry mum got back from work and i got her together with dad to tell them that i was taking
07:41them out on an outing i know one of your major major problems was being out in public mum and dad
07:48really dread taking the kids to a restaurant or quite frankly anywhere in public because the kids behave
07:55awful i knew i would have to actually see with my own eyes what goes down so i arranged for the
08:02whole family to go to a restaurant you could tell that this were a family that have not taught their
08:14kids how to behave at the table josh please stop it see everybody looking at you now his parents were
08:22really conscious of everybody staring at them they kept looking around and worrying what everybody
08:27was going to think
08:39dad's talking like this jacob the people right behind me are getting upset just sit in your chair until the
08:46check comes i mean how can you go to a restaurant and have a decent meal without coming away with
08:52indigestion seriously if you behave like that hey guys guys hey guys i gotta go after we got back
09:02from the restaurant dad immediately had to go to work and do his shift which gave me now an opportunity
09:07to watch mum and see how she deals with the bedtime routine she started off giving jayden her bath and
09:14in the meantime she wanted the boys to brush their teeth guys come brush your teeth please
09:21are you guys supposed to get your teeth brushed go brush your teeth now how many times have i asked
09:29you to come in here and brush your teeth can we show you a trick i didn't listen what a surprise get down
09:35and brush your teeth stop all right are you calling who are you calling policeman smith no mama don't
09:43then get in the bathroom it's ringing
09:48what does policeman smith have that you don't have the authority the authority okay
09:55okay after their baths everybody was tucked into bed and i thought things would be sound but 15
10:05minutes later josh got out of his bed and decided he didn't want to sleep and now he was going to
10:10challenge mom you need to get in bed now yeah joshua come on you really need to go up
10:18and go play in the playroom for a minute you get five minutes and then you have to go upstairs unbelievable
10:28josh was deciding what time he was going to bed and mum was going along with it
10:35see sometimes giving in is the only way i don't know okay five minutes and that's it then you're going up
10:40five minutes became 30 minutes and mum still hadn't got josh into bed oh and then the worst
10:50happened i mean what does he expect me to do what do you expect me to do josh what would you do if
10:56you were the mommy what are you thinking why are you asking your six-year-old son he doesn't know
11:03if he did know he weren't going to tell her was he he wants to stay up
11:07by this time of the night i had certainly seen enough it was time for me to go i look forward to
11:15seeing you tomorrow so that we can have a family meeting i am very nervous about what joe is going
11:19to say tomorrow morning night joe i am afraid that she's really going to come down hard on us
11:24good night tomorrow's a new day a day where i sit down and speak to this family about their issues
11:30so we can get to the bottom of them once and for all the first thing i do want to talk to you about
11:45is discipline because i don't see anything that's effective the empty threats have got to stop because
11:52stop no don't do that doesn't have any meaning in this house it means carry on and all the
11:59authority is now in the hands of police officer smith and jones i mean what's that all about it was a
12:06tool that we used in order to get some attention to get their attention it worked how long do you
12:13think it's going to be before they turn around and say i don't care bring officer smith to the door
12:19what are you going to do then what are you going to do you going to dress up as officer smith it's
12:23ludicrous instead of taking ownership of the authority yourself you've given it to some imaginary
12:30policeman step up to the plate yourselves you want to the next thing that i want to talk about is the
12:39time and place if there's no balance of the times when they are told okay we go out we can have fun now
12:45it's all great go for it boys and then we come to this place and actually this is what's expected
12:51from you now because we're in a place where these are the rules when we're in a restaurant we x y and
12:57z table manners we keep our volume to a certain level but there are no rules here so why do they
13:03respect rules anywhere else not taught them they don't know a time and a place there's no awareness of
13:10others we have to teach our children that i understand let's talk about yourself adam the
13:18problem for you is how you learn to manage your frustration you don't respond to the kids behavior
13:27in a way that's effective to bring about the change i agree yelling and getting you know frustrated is
13:35not the answer it's not because it's creating it's creating more hostility that's not allowing you to
13:40feel good about fatherhood and the way you're connecting with your boys and raising them right
13:46you're reacting emotionally to how they're behaving instead of just stepping back and using the skill
13:54that you use in your job you need to make decisions and respond to what's before you not react
14:02emotionally because if every firefighter reacted emotionally you wouldn't be saving lives we'd be
14:08losing some of our own correct shelby you know what you're doing wrong i just feel really inadequate
14:16as a parent i don't think i do anything right everybody says enjoy these years because they go fast
14:24and i'm not enjoying them this is about how you choose to respond to your children's behavior how you
14:34interact with them because you are the adult you are their mother and you need to be mrs big around here
14:43are you prepared to work together absolutely so we will work together very hard
14:50for the next week and we will do what's necessary for not just the kids sakes but for yours as well
14:59are we in yeah absolutely 100 100 100 thank you thanks
15:04hi hello hello because mom and dad haven't been on the same page we're creating rules that have
15:19been consistent i want to establish house rules as the first technique for this family so i set them
15:25down with a piece of paper a pen and they talked and wrote down those house rules once the family had
15:32established the house rules it was time for them to sit the kids down and go through them i asked mom
15:37to do the honors because it's important that she executes these rules and shows authority be kind with
15:44your words what does that mean jacob do not say bad words good job i think they were all had really good
15:51positive attitudes about it and they understood them really well listen what does that mean if you
15:58say clean up our room we should do it right they were able to provide us with examples of each rule
16:06they gave us hope that they really did understand what the rules were about can you can you do it
16:18with the rules now in place it's essential that mom and dad learn how to reinforce these together
16:23let's face it policeman jones and policeman smith do need to take retirement mom and dad really do
16:32need to step up and have the authority so what i'm going to do is to give them a symbolic badge to
16:38remind them to find that holding that badge of authority every day will be a little reminder that
16:45this is what you are going to exercise when the children play up and break the house rules we've not
16:50seen any from yourself shelby and we've seen an authority that let's say has stepped over the
16:57line really i agree with the badges in their pockets mum and dad can really focus on having
17:02the authority themselves and say goodbye to officer jones and smith for good and when jacob broke the
17:11house rule by taking a lollipop when he'd already been warned not to it gave mum a chance to discipline
17:17improve herself so jacob a thermal 402 voice he needs to go in time out right now you're going to be
17:23going to time out you need to hand me the lollipop hand me the lollipop put it back in the wrapper
17:30okay i don't like time out i want you to go down i'm going to show you where time out is
17:38i can't lift you jake you're too heavy this is where you're going to go to time out
17:42no you come back here where i put you i could see mum getting really fed up with this like you
17:50know what this just isn't going to work and i'm just going to give up and i thought she needs to
17:55get active so these kids know she is not messing around mom come here please come here please
18:03and i went upstairs and gave mum a very firm talking to backbone okay none of this
18:13i feel bad like i mean what do you feel i i'm trying to do it but i can't i just don't have it
18:20right on i mean because i'm not used to doing this i'm really trying to find it i know but find it
18:27okay find it woman to woman find it i know i have to find it pull it out from somewhere because if
18:35you don't that kid is going to walk all over you like he's been doing for years i know okay none of
18:42the tears anymore none of the i feel sorry for myself anymore get down there and show him who's
18:47boss it hurt my feelings to to hear that as a mother i have no backbone when i thought i did so it
18:54was kind of emotional enough of the tears wipe the tears away no no no you know what enough of the
18:59tears okay enough of the tears don't feel sorry for yourself anymore get down there and show me what
19:03you got jacob i want you to sit properly on the stool now and i will tell you when you're done
19:15you need to take the shirt off put it on your head put it over your head so i can see you i am
19:21talking to you right now all of a sudden she started to project her voice and we saw a different
19:26shelby and so did jacob you sit here until you are done with your time out do not kick me do not do
19:35that do you understand me my talk with mom as harsh as it was turned things around because when she got
19:46tough with jacob discipline worked like a charm it felt so good to actually use that backbone when i
19:54needed to you stayed in time out very well okay mommy's very proud of you joe has taught me that i
20:01can actually have that backbone i need the authority that i had in my pocket it was coming out now that
20:08the rules are being enforced at home and mom and dad are feeling more confident i've got a more daunting
20:14task for them they're going to take their show on the road look at this chart they brought in this
20:19great big long chart with all these visual pictures of places where they can have fun and places where
20:25they need to be more reserved the park is it the time and place to have fun and be goofy and silly
20:32okay kids that play they knew all the answers restaurant do we goof around do we be all silly
20:43no which adam and i were shocked at you did this extremely well so today what we are going to go
20:50to the library shelby and i looked at each other and we thought but a library is the quietest place
20:57on earth okay so mom just set up the expectation okay i was a little apprehensive about going to
21:03the library is this a time and place for play no i was so afraid that i was going to be embarrassed
21:13that my kids weren't going to behave and we weren't going to be able to control them
21:19and mom got so nervous we'd only been there five minutes and she was trying to shoo the kids out
21:25are you all done picking out because joshie's going to check them out you're rushing let's not
21:29rush you're rushing in case they play out but it turned out she didn't have anything to worry about
21:37it was actually a surprise for mom and dad they were like oh they really do know to behave themselves
21:44of course they do they've just been allowed to get away with blue murder
21:48they're being very quiet i just feel that when mom and dad get used to recognizing that the children
21:55will listen to them they won't rush through every event the library was the most lovely time that i've
22:02had so far in a public place the kids behaved they listened they were quiet the library is never once
22:11that i have to go shh or don't stop it was a great trip
22:23mommy and dad are going to talk for a little while so you guys play nicely now that mom's become
22:27more assertive what i do want to do now is deal with dad's short fuse because he needs to keep his
22:32emotions in check so what i'm going to do is give him a technique so that he can remain calm
22:37whatever the provocation you're going to be going to work you're going to be dealing with enormous
22:42amount of stress and coming back into situations that you'd rather not be in and that's when you're
22:48going to be tested so laying down what's necessary and having the technique in place allows you to be
22:56prepared beforehand so this is what you are going to do count to ten one come two come and come back
23:02again counting to ten is acknowledging when you're losing it and when you feel this overwhelming come
23:10with me anger count to ten that you make a choice to not let it get the better of you don't let the
23:17anger make you the person that makes you feel ashamed about the way you act dad may not always
23:23have that self-discipline he's going to need to deal with his short fuse so i've asked mum whilst i've
23:29him gone for several days to make sure that she can help him so they're going to need to practice
23:34the technique go ahead count one come two come my reaction to the kids behavior was to get very
23:41frustrated and very angry very quickly i've come i'm yelling at them and then i feel horrible because
23:47i don't want to be in that position nine come so they're doing it now but the real test is when i'm not
23:54here and when he loses it whether she can step up to the plate and do what she needs to do how do you
24:01feel better it really does give me a peace of mind and a little bit of better focus to handle
24:07and deal with the kids than i ever did before hey baby
24:14later dad did have the opportunity to count to ten jade and grace look at me look at me i need for you to
24:23put those away and finish your dinner right now please okay you are not listening this is your
24:29warning jade and grace you listen listen to me come here come here where are you
24:42sit till where she's going to do a time out and then explain why you were getting this time out is
24:49because you chose to play with your toys you don't have to shout finish your dinner dad had done well
24:56up to this point but there was still more to come she got off dad placed her back she got off again dad
25:09placed her back this is the spot for three minutes right there without talking no communication
25:16when i was dealing with jaden in her time out i really was desperate to tell her
25:24all you got to do is sit for three minutes having to follow through in placing his child
25:30in time out became emotionally very challenging for dad i told him to take 10 and to go and count
25:38the count into 10 really did help dad curb his temper but jaden wouldn't let up she was relentless
25:51and as she started to throw out the sticks that were going to hurt his heart
25:56he broke down in tears okay daddy don't do this don't give me discipline don't teach me
26:15how to listen and take direction that's what she's saying sometimes you have to make decisions
26:21as parents to do the right thing and emotionally of course it pulls you
26:30dad calmed down and he went back to complete the time out
26:43finally jaden stayed put for the rest of her time
26:45i just want to explain to you why i put you in timeout this is the time this is the timeout chair
26:53not over here not in that chair she understood she can cry all she wants and she's not going to get
26:59up my emotions because this is about both of us learning that behaviors need to be fixed we do it lovingly
27:07and it was a good thing for both of us two pieces left that's it okay
27:15you're okay
27:19i've given this family some techniques to use and now i'm gonna have to give them time
27:23to practice this on their own it is time for me to leave i'm going to be gone for several days teaching
27:28has gone very well and they do know what's necessary in order to change the issues that have presented
27:35themselves emotionally reacting rather than responding change that now and support each other
27:42lots of love lots of praise all right so i'm going to leave you for several days without joe there i'm
27:47scared i'm not going to have that willpower i need to make it through all right will mom step up and
27:53hold that authority will dad keep his temper is yet to be seen while i'm away
28:05i've been away for three days from the goldberg family so i'm curious to see exactly how they got
28:17on hi good morning i am apprehensive about the dvd meeting i know we did a lot of things correctly
28:23but i also know that we fell down a few times now are we ready to take a look at this dvd
28:28so temper control obviously is all about yourself how have you been feeling about that i think i've
28:35done pretty well with that right okay so let's take a look come sit in this chair now come sit in this
28:42chair now no one cup two come look at me get away i know you know yes yes
28:55here's another warning you continue to call me a bad name again you're going to go back to a timeout
28:59do you understand adam no i'm not going to be called names yeah you're yelling you're going to time out
29:04upstairs no door stays open this is ridiculous he's never behaved like this before ever yes he
29:17has no he has not jacob i'm taking a few minutes to myself okay just go play with mom for a bit
29:25oh we've got more work for you it's about control for josh it's about control you're like two raging balls
29:34and nobody wants to step down and when he pushes those buttons you revert back to how you were
29:41before you count to ten and you're still feeling like you're crying because you're mad count to ten
29:46again yeah so we do need to work on that most definitely you do need that underneath your belt
29:51we're going to look at yourself shelby doing a timeout
29:55you owe me a big apology sorry now give me a hug
30:22i want my suit you did very well with the timeout because he banged on that stool he slapped you as
30:32you went past you didn't talk to him you placed him back on that and as much as he was shouting
30:37that idiot and everything else you didn't rise to it so it says him minutes later let's see what
30:43happened sit with me for a second i want to talk jake jake jake jake come here mommy just had a
30:49conversation with you and you apologized how could he just do that other than playing outside right
30:56what is bothering you why are you showing that you're learning that you guys have the right to
31:00be up you don't like for people to call you names right you love us bad names like that when we're
31:04we're mad adam's very verbal on everything he wants to explain everything and have everyone explain
31:13everything back it's too long-winded seriously i mean it's like you're flogging a dead horse
31:20it is too much it's too much at six years old not 36 do you know what i mean i do it's far too much
31:27and also when you actually push your way in there it undermines mum and their authority to put the
31:33kids in the time out because it's now you overseeing it he feels like he's having another time out now
31:39with you let's take a look at what the situation is like out in public let's take a look at them all
31:47sit up joshua sit up this is your warning
31:51i asked you to sit up you did not sit up come with me
31:57no no no i'm gonna take him outside
32:06this is nonsense we are going home and you're going to owe me a time out when we get home
32:10you need to sit in time out and listen to me
32:17now what do you need to say to me so please i need a nice apology please thank you
32:24you did extremely well i love your tone actually the fact that you didn't even feel a possibility of
32:31pulling up policeman jones from retirement
32:34very very good now let's go a little bit deeper you're out in public and he wasn't eating his dinner
32:41and he was punching away and he wasn't sitting up choose your battles i know okay choose your
32:46battles you want him to eat his dinner that would have been the main priority
32:49okay and there were a few things going on at that table the second one is still you feeling fearful
32:55of being in open public places and worried about everybody else there are people out there that are
33:01going to say what they're going to say whether it's good or bad the main point is is that you're
33:05dealing with your child not what anybody else is saying we've still got lots of work to do here
33:10all right okay okay so let's get busy thank you thank you i saw some good stuff in dvd however
33:25watching mum try and manage these kids in the shopping mall rang alarm bells for me
33:30so i wanted to give her another try with the kids without dad going back to the scene of the crime
33:37but this time she'd have a little extra help because i would be in her ear i'm going to rig you
33:42up okay joe realized that i didn't have a lot under my belt when we went out in public and i still
33:48was very self-conscious about what people thought this is your bag for the shopping mall i gave her a
33:54reusable bag with some tips on it that i planned on using with her at the mall you're going to have
34:00the courage to tell the kids today they can't have anything okay when i go to the mall usually
34:06the kids end up running away from me not paying attention and not listening to what i have to say
34:11following the tips mum plans a really good time to go because it didn't conflict with nap times or meal
34:18times can you carry your baby okay mom if you can hear me set up the expectations at the door jacob
34:27hold on for a second come here jayden i need to tell you something we are going to have a nice time
34:33in the mall i need to get something and i expect you you you and you to be on your best behavior no
34:42running away oh boy she's grunting already find out what's wrong with her before you even step foot
34:49in the mall can you tell me what's wrong use your words and tell me what's wrong so i can help you
34:58before i even got in the mall jayden really started with a tantrum and that was tough
35:05all right give her a choice one or the other she's already showing you signs that she's going to kick
35:09off do you want me to carry you or do you want to walk okay sometimes you've got to pick your battles
35:16jayden's behavior didn't warrant a timeout it was just important for mum to keep moving so she could
35:21focus on what she needed to go and get and come out give them things to look for come here look at the
35:28pink plates look at the plates and then we're gonna go who can find the purple plates that match that
35:35purple tablecloth look here as soon as she got the kids involved it was like they had something to
35:41do in the shop and they found the napkins and the paperware that they needed and their mum went to
35:48the counter and paid for it we're gonna go home soon so we'll just have a snack when we get back home nice
35:57we're not getting a bear today no jayden stand up you're not getting a bear today
36:12not bad i tell you a lot better than what it was before and at least this mom has been able to come
36:17to the mall take her kids come in get what's necessary and leave all right i think we're good guys
36:25i do feel much more confident in taking the kids in public to places that i know of normally i would
36:31be very self-conscious of so now i know i can do it on my own yep and mum got out of there fat
36:38needed the last tip thank you joshua that's a nice gentleman
36:47back at the house it was time for me to say goodbye to the goldberg family
36:50i think that shelby and adam have recognized the importance of changing the things within
37:10themselves that were causing issues in their own relationships with their children
37:17i think i'm a better parent now i think i'm calmer thank you thank you i think my self-confidence is
37:23better i have a backbone now which i probably didn't have as much of before
37:28so
37:41you