- anteayer
A KAOS voice impersonator (John Byner) fires the Chief over the phone while pretending to be President Johnson. Max becomes the new Chief; the Chief reverts to his old status as Agent Q, and realizes he can only save his old job by discovering the location of a KAOS communications center. The title refers to telephone connection between the White House and the Kremlin set up after the Cuban Missile Crisis that almost caused nuclear war.
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00:00I'm being followed by a control agent, disguised as an ice cream vendor.
00:11All right, quick insight. I'll divert him and meet you in the communications room.
00:14Right.
00:20Say, did you ever see a guy run by here?
00:23Can you describe him?
00:24Uh, describe him.
00:24Yes, well, he was wearing thick glasses.
00:26A man with thick glasses.
00:27Yes. You see, he ordered Tutti Frutti, and I gave him pistachio by mistake.
00:31As a matter of fact, I did. I think he ran across the street to that bakery over there.
00:34Across the street to the bakery. Thank you very much.
00:57Hello?
01:03Well, this is a fine time for the chief to be out. Where is he?
01:06The chief is out on a case, Max. I'm sitting in for him.
01:08Listen, 99, I just followed a chaos agent to their secret communication headquarters on Z Street.
01:13It's a bakery. I'm going to crack this case wide open.
01:16Max, listen, the chief is...
01:18There's no time to wait, 99. I want to catch him red-handed.
01:21Besides, my phone is melting.
01:32All right, fella, get him up. Come on, up.
01:34I'm sorry. So you're going to have to take the number and wait your turn.
01:36There's somebody ahead of you.
01:37Very, very nice.
01:42Number seven, huh?
01:46All right, fella, I'm finished fooling around with you.
01:49Where did you hide the communications equipment?
01:51I don't know what you're talking about.
01:53That bread.
01:54Yeah?
01:55I'm having spaghetti for dinner tonight. This should go very good with it.
02:00The old communications equipment and the French bread trick.
02:04Max, what on earth are you doing?
02:15Just destroying some chaos communication equipment, chief.
02:20By the way, what are you doing in a chaos bakery?
02:23This is not a chaos bakery.
02:25It's a control bakery, and you have just smashed control's triangulation equipment.
02:30This is a control bakery?
02:32Yes.
02:32Oh, well, in that case, I'll have a prune danish and a strawberry chiffon.
02:37Just fouled up Operation Sourdough.
02:42Well, chief, you're not going to tell the White House about this, are you?
02:45I don't see how I can avoid it.
02:47You know how the president's been concerned about Operation Sourdough.
02:50He's expecting a report today.
02:51Listen, chief, put in a good word for me when you talk to the president.
02:54I'm sorry I blew the job, but it's not all my fault.
02:58After all, you did give me the assignment.
03:00Do what I can, Max.
03:02Come on, let's get back to control.
03:04I have to make that call.
03:05You're going to call the White House?
03:07What they don't know is we've tapped into their hotline.
03:09This is the break we've been waiting for.
03:11Right, Mr. President?
03:12My good friends, according to the latest poll which I have just taken, I must announce with a heavy heart that control will soon be out of business.
03:25Have a great week.
04:05Chief, do we have to call the president now?
04:29Couldn't we put it off for, say, a month or two?
04:32Well, Max, he's waiting for a report. There's no way to avoid it.
04:36Chief, as a favorite of me, go easy on Max.
04:38As a favorite of me, too.
04:40Good afternoon, Thaddeus.
04:42Let us reason together.
04:44Good afternoon, Mr. President.
04:45I have a preliminary report on Operation Sourdough.
04:48Good. Have you located Chaos Communication Center?
04:51Well, sir, we had a little setback.
04:54Due to a mix-up, we lost our bakery cover and our triangulation equipment was smashed.
04:59This is terrible. Is Smart there?
05:01Oh, yes, sir. But in defense of Smart, I must remind you that he's solved an impressive number of cases.
05:08Thaddeus, kindly refrain from flapping your gums and put me on conference call.
05:13I have something to say to you and Smart.
05:16He wants to talk to both of us.
05:18Mr. President, I can explain everything that happened.
05:28You don't have to, son.
05:30As for you, Thaddeus, I'm relieving you of your post.
05:34As of this moment, you are no longer chief of control.
05:38I'm busting you to agent second class.
05:41But...
05:41No, Butts, you can't make mistakes on this job.
05:45You're not the State Department, you know.
05:47As for you, Smart, in recognition of your fine record, as of this moment, you are now chief of control.
05:57Yes, you.
05:58And use all measures you deem necessary to make that organization function properly.
06:05I'm sending you my efficiency expert, Matt Brady, to assist you.
06:09Give him all the cooperation you can.
06:13Have you got that?
06:14Yes, sir.
06:15Good.
06:16And now, as my old papa used to say, head him up and move him out.
06:24Look like a charm.
06:26Right.
06:27Brady, now it's up to you.
06:31I want every control file on microfilm.
06:34Do you have the equipment?
06:35I'm all set.
06:36Right.
06:38Sorry, camera.
06:39Ring, camera.
06:41When I get through with control, there won't be a secret left.
06:47I can't believe it.
06:49I just can't believe it.
06:51Well, don't take it so hard, chief.
06:52They couldn't have picked a better man.
06:55Well, there'll be a few things that you'll be needing.
06:57Here's my chief's badge, my code book.
07:00Yes, well, I'll be needing the keys to your apartment too, chief.
07:03That's government property.
07:05You can use mine until you find something else.
07:07You're all hard, Max.
07:09Excuse me, I'll go move.
07:11Just a moment.
07:13I don't think we should call you chief from now on.
07:15That wouldn't be proper.
07:17What was your old number?
07:19Q.
07:20Q?
07:20Yes, I was an agent before they switched to numbers.
07:23Yes.
07:24Well, Q it is.
07:25Now, if you two will excuse me, I think I better get things in order.
07:28But I want you here bright and early in the morning.
07:31I want this place hopping at six o'clock.
07:33Oh, uh, Max.
07:37You can call me chief, 99.
07:42We've known each other a long time, chief.
07:45And I hope you're not going to make too many changes.
07:47Don't worry, 99.
07:48This job is not going to go to my head.
07:50Three, four.
07:51Hop, prayer port!
07:53One, two, three, four.
07:54Hop, two, three, four.
07:56Three, four, three, four.
07:57Prayer port.
07:58Right, blank, blank, blank.
08:00Left, blank, blank, blank.
08:01Prayer port, prayer port, prayer port, prayer port, prayer port.
08:04Dude, hope!
08:05That's terrific.
08:06Now you're really getting into the swing.
08:08Okay?
08:09Let's line up for Deep Knee Vans.
08:14He's got to be kidding.
08:15We won't have an agent left if he keeps this up.
08:17All right, Deep Knee Vans.
08:19Up, two, three, four
08:21Up and down and up and down
08:23And up and down
08:24Come on, get down there
08:25I can't take any more of this, can you?
08:29All right, mister, I heard that
08:31That will cost you three demerits
08:33All right, men, that's enough
08:34Can we go back to our offices now, Max?
08:37Chief, you'll go back to your offices
08:39When I say you'll go back to your offices
08:41All right, men, let's line up for inspection
08:43About, pace
08:45One step backward, take
08:47All right, let's get that chest in, that chin out
08:51All right, Stafford, get that gut in
08:53All right, Mr. Brady, step forward
08:54Gentlemen, I would like you to meet Mr. Brady
08:57Our new presidential assistant
08:59You will give him complete cooperation
09:01And access to all control files
09:04All right, now, I'll be take Brady and show him around
09:06Right, Chief, this way, Brady
09:07All right, the rest of you men are dismissed
09:09Okay, let's go, let's go, move out
09:11Come on, come on, old timer, move out
09:13Move out, move
09:14Um, good morning, Chief
09:22Well, in case you're interested, it's seven o'clock
09:28You people aren't in the army, you know
09:30You can't just come rolling in here anytime you feel like it
09:32Our day starts here at six o'clock
09:34Sorry about that, Chief
09:37I was delayed by your former landlady
09:39A little matter of two months back rent you owed
09:42And 99 was kind enough to drive me down here
09:45Because you found it necessary to take my car
09:47Well, those are your own personal problems
09:50I can't get involved in those
09:52You'll have to work them out for yourself
09:53Now, you better punch in your duck one hour
09:56Chief, I'd like to talk to you
09:59All right, but make it snappy
10:00I don't have all day
10:01I have to clean up a big mess
10:03That was left here by my predecessor
10:04I'd like to take another crack at Operation Sourdough
10:08My predecessor left that in a kind of a mess
10:11You think you can do better?
10:13I can try
10:14Give him another chance, Chief
10:15Well, all right
10:17But don't mess it up
10:19I'd hate to have to tell the president that you blew another one
10:22What's your plan of operation?
10:26Well, 99, I think that chaos is somehow connected to the mustache cup
10:31I plan to get a job there as a singing waiter
10:32Oh, I didn't know you could sing
10:34Oh, yes, I used to be soloist with the college glee club
10:37Oh
10:37As a matter of fact, when I sang a certain note in a certain way
10:41I was able to shatter a glass
10:43That's marvelous
10:44Do you think you can still do it?
10:46Oh, I don't know
10:46It's been some time
10:47Well, why don't you give it a try?
10:50Who knows?
10:50You may need a new career
10:52All right, here goes
10:54Amazing
11:01Yes, it certainly is amazing
11:04That'll be $40 for the mirror
11:06Not to mention the seven years bad luck
11:10That started yesterday
11:12These drawers are in the worst shape I've ever seen anything in my life
11:26The chief was really a slob
11:27What's this sandwich doing here?
11:29You put that there yesterday, chief
11:30While you were only Max
11:31Well, Max couldn't afford to eat out
11:34The chief can't
11:35Chief
11:37Brady's going through everything with a fine tooth comb
11:41Are you sure you can trust him?
11:42I can trust him like I trust L
11:44L?
11:45LBJ
11:46We're on a first-name basis now
11:48How's everything coming, Brady?
11:50This should just about do it
11:52Just a minute, Brady
11:57Yes?
12:01I forgot this
12:02It's a photo file
12:04With the name of every control agent
12:06His position
12:07And his assignment
12:08Now, this should wrap it up very nicely
12:12Yes, I thought so
12:14Now, when your boss hears about my cooperation
12:16Who knows what he might have in mind for me?
12:19We kill him, of course
12:20Smart's the only one who can identify all three of us
12:23Well, I'd better get downstairs
12:25I'm breaking in a new waiter tonight
12:27Oh, Mr. Gorshin
12:35And the couple at that table of there
12:37Asked for a bottle of Chateau Marcel 63
12:39Where do I find that?
12:41In the wine room, Irving
12:42Door at the end of the hall
12:43Thank you, sir
12:44Not that door, Irving
12:47The other one
12:48Oh, thank you
12:49Oh, thank you
13:05Oh, thank you
13:07chief smart here chief this is agent q oh q oh it's you q what's new i'm at the mustache cup
13:27i'm sure that the chaos communication center is located here good work q if that is the chaos
13:33communication center from this moment on you'll be facing torture and death and loving it
13:42now brady how would you like to see our organization in action i'd love to good i just got a call from
13:55one of our agents he thinks he stumbled onto the chaos communication center in a place called the
14:01mustache cup oh uh which agent was that i don't think i'm going to tell you that now you've seen
14:08pictures of all our agents i'll tell you what i'll do i'll bet you ten dollars you can't crack his
14:12disguise all right you got a bet max that's not fair you'll never find him his picture isn't in the file
14:22quiet 99 ten dollars is ten dollars let's go turn around and keep your hands over your head
14:31agent q
14:34all right q this is the end of your assignment
14:44oh
14:53oh
14:56oh
14:57oh
14:58oh
14:59oh
15:00oh
15:01oh
15:03oh
15:05oh
15:07Well, Brady, can you pick out the control agent?
15:31Which one do you think it is?
15:33The hat-checked girl, the woman who just finished singing, the tourist at table 15, or perhaps table 15 itself.
15:44Oh, could you excuse me? I think I have to call my wife. She's expecting me for dinner.
15:49You want to make it $20, Brady? We can afford it if you can.
15:52Max, you know he can't spot someone he's never seen.
15:55Exactly.
16:03Table for two?
16:06Make it a table for three. And a good one, my man. I have an unlimited expense account.
16:11What are you doing?
16:13Oh, so it's you, Q.
16:15Chief, what a wonderful disguise. I didn't know you.
16:17How could you? I'm the chief.
16:19What's wrong, Q?
16:20I've got a chaos agent tied up in the wine room. Now, that's next door to a guarded door that must lead to the chaos communication center. We've got to get in there.
16:29Yes, well, I'll think of a plan later. Right now, I think you'd better take us to our table.
16:32But we've no buts. Take us to our table.
16:36And remember that your job is hanging by a thread as it is.
16:39This is a very interesting place.
16:40Yes, everybody sings. The customers, waiters, everybody.
16:46I think I'd better take your order before anybody gets suspicious.
16:49Why don't you have the spaghetti? It's only $1.85.
16:51Oh, good idea, Chief. Okay, Chief?
16:53Don't be ridiculous. A man in my position has to go first class.
16:58Let's see now.
16:59We'll have the tornadoes of beef with Bernese sauce, asparagus veganette, tea, patty de four-goisse, cherry's jubilee, and let's see.
17:11For dessert, I think we'll just top it off with three orders of maitre d'hotel.
17:15Maitre d'hotel means head waiter, Max.
17:19I know that, 99. He will be serving us.
17:24Max, that's going to be very expensive.
17:25There's no problem. I found my predecessor's credit cards in his desk.
17:31I'm putting you down for spaghetti, and that's that.
17:36It just goes to show you, 99, give a man an inch, and...
17:39How does that go?
17:40I don't know, Max.
17:42Oh, I know how it goes.
17:44Give a man an inch, and right away he thinks he's a ruler.
17:55We've got to find that control agent.
18:04Smart, we're going to pull it past one.
18:06There's not one face out there that matches the agent's file.
18:09Where's Bulger? Maybe he has some ideas.
18:11I don't know where he went, but until he gets back, we'll get Smart to reveal the name of the spy,
18:14and then we'll take care of all three.
18:15Well, Brady, you've had a chance to look around.
18:39Who do you think the control agent is?
18:41I've got it.
18:44It's the cigarette girl, right?
18:46Wrong.
18:47We don't have any control agents with legs like that.
18:50Oh, sorry, 99, nothing personal.
18:52It's just that I've always thought of you as one of the boys.
18:54I noticed.
18:55Well, later, can't you get anything right?
18:57I didn't order any salad.
18:59Compliments of the chef, sir.
19:01It's his specialty.
19:03Note the dressing.
19:04Even the aroma has a message.
19:06One sniff and you're in danger of becoming addicted to it.
19:10Really?
19:11Well, I don't eat salad.
19:12Eat it.
19:13It's good for you.
19:14Besides, you'll insult the chef if you don't eat it.
19:17Oh.
19:17Well, we wouldn't want to insult the chef.
19:26On second thought, I think we should insult the chef.
19:28This tastes like paper.
19:30All right, Irving, it's your turn to sing.
19:34Huh?
19:35Come on, let's go.
19:36It's part of the job.
19:36You're on.
19:37Alouette, gentil alouette.
19:49Alouette, je te plumerai.
19:52Je te plumerai la curd.
19:53Je te plumerai la whey.
19:55Plumerai, curds and whey.
19:57Alouette, cigarette.
19:58Oh.
20:01Alouette, gentil alouette.
20:03Alouette, gentil alouette.
20:06Alouette, gentil alouette.
20:10Max, did you hear that?
20:12Yes, he doesn't have a bad voice, but he's lousy with lyrics.
20:16Shut up the control singing code.
20:18Curds and whey means chaos agent.
20:20Cigarette means imposter and winces loss means get away.
20:23Check, 99.
20:24You took the words right out of my mouth.
20:26But who could the chaos agent be?
20:28Brady?
20:29Yes.
20:30Do you have any idea who it is?
20:32No.
20:33No.
20:34But maybe I'd better look around and see what I can find out.
20:37Uh, excuse me for just a minute.
20:38I'll be right there.
20:45That waiter is the control agent.
20:47He's trying to warn Smart in 99.
20:49Oh, we'll just have to stop him.
20:50Alouette, je te plumerai.
20:53Je te plumerai la curd.
20:55Je te plumerai la whey.
20:57Plumerai, curds and whey.
20:59Alouette, cigarette.
21:00Oh, alouette, jauntie alouette.
21:06Max, look.
21:07Brady and that other man have guns on the chief.
21:09Brady must be the chaos agent.
21:11You're right, 99.
21:12Come on, let's go.
21:15Alouette, alouette.
21:18Oh, alouette, jauntie alouette.
21:24Alouette, je te plumerai.
21:26Je te plumerai la bouche.
21:28Je te plumerai la bouche.
21:30Ay la bouche.
21:31Ay la bouche.
21:31Ay la nay.
21:32Ay la nay.
21:33Ay la nay.
21:34So, you tapped the hotline and imitated the president's voice.
21:39Well, looks like you're chief again, chief.
21:42Just don't sit there.
21:43Take charge and get us out of here.
21:45All right, Max, I'll take charge.
21:47And here's my first order.
21:48Stop flapping your gums.
21:51Now, do you want to talk?
21:52Talk about what?
21:53You have all our files on film.
21:55Precisely.
21:56We intend to make some money on them before we turn them over to Chaos headquarters.
22:00You'll call the president on the phone, explain the situation.
22:03He'll send us $10 million.
22:05If we don't get the money, Chaos gets the film.
22:07Forget it.
22:08I don't believe you.
22:09And besides, we're not worth $10 million to the government.
22:12Now, just a moment, chief.
22:14Speak for yourself.
22:15You may not be worth $10 million to the government, but I consider a crackerjack agent like myself
22:20worth more than $10 million.
22:21As a matter of fact, I think that $10 million is dirt cheap for me.
22:25You're not going to call the president.
22:26I am.
22:27Max.
22:28Don't you dare touch that phone.
22:30That's an order.
22:31I'm sorry, chief, but this is one order I'm going to have to disobey.
22:34I consider it my duty to my country to try to save us at any cost.
22:39Now, if you'll just untie me, I'll make that phone call.
22:50Oh, there's just one small problem.
22:53This hotline won't activate to the White House
22:55unless the chief sings a certain note.
22:59Well, chief, are you ready to sing for your life?
23:00Max, what?
23:01You know, chief, like you sang in the gym today.
23:03Come on, sing.
23:05All right, if you put it that way.
23:09Oh, Max, how horrible.
23:21Oh, not really, 99.
23:22The window was cracked already from the chief's high note.
23:25Listen, chief, when you talked to the president,
23:35could you put in a good word for me?
23:39Well, he did get us out of it, chief.
23:42All right.
23:43Oh, and put in a good word for yourself, chief.
23:45Tell him what a great singer you are.
23:47No, thanks, Max.
23:48I've had enough singing.
23:49Hello, Mr. President.
23:50I'd like to report that Operation Sourdough would...
23:53What?
23:56Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
23:57Can't get the little fella to sleep, huh?
24:00He's babysitting with his grandson.
24:03Well, sir, have you tried hot milk?
24:05Didn't work, huh?
24:07You want me to what?
24:08All right, sir, put him up with the phone.
24:16Rock-a-bye, baby.
24:19When the wind blows.
24:23When the wind blows.
24:25When the wind blows.
24:46When the wind blows.
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