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00:00Oh, you are probably wondering what I am doing behind that tree.
00:06Well, I will tell you, but listen very carefully, because I shall say this only once.
00:11You will remember that I own a cafe which is being used by the resistance for riding, escaping British airmen.
00:19Well, everybody seems to know about this, except my wife's mother and the Gestapo.
00:24And up to now, I've had a better relationship with the Gestapo.
00:26Now, those two men disguised as scarecrows are, in fact, British airmen.
00:33Those two onion sellers are none other than the German town commandant, Colonel von Strom, and his assistant, Captain Leary.
00:43Now, they look unhappy for two reasons.
00:47First, their new uniforms, which are being made to replace the old ones which they lent the British airmen,
00:52who, when they thought they were going to be captured by other Germans and interrogated as conspirators,
00:56set fire to them and burned them to a crisp.
00:58You are with me so far?
01:00Did not fit, and are now on their way back to London by tiger moth.
01:05The second reason?
01:07The uniforms are being made in London by a Jewish tailor, which is against the rules in the German.
01:13Oh, and, uh, the Gestapo are also looking for a painting of the fallen Madonna with the big, um, flump.
01:22This is also winging its way across the channel,
01:25in order that a copy can be made so that the original can become the personal property of the colonel,
01:31who is as bent as a cockscrew.
01:33What happens next?
01:36Your guess is as good as mine.
01:38Why me?
01:41What?
01:43We have much to do.
01:45The Germans may have heard the plan.
01:47We did.
01:49There's the other German troops under my command,
01:52who will shoot us if they catch us with this lot.
01:55These are the orders for our next move.
01:58From here, we go north.
01:59But if you don't mind my saying so, my cafe is south.
02:04The railway is north.
02:05But we could walk home. Why take a train?
02:08Of course, we have to blow up the railway.
02:10What?
02:11What are we going to do with these German swine?
02:15We shall have to take them with us.
02:17What use are they?
02:18If anyone is interested, I took a course in explosives.
02:22We are German officers.
02:25Part of the great army that is winning the war.
02:28We do not help the resistance to blow up our supply lines.
02:33On the other hand,
02:35if General von Klinkerhofen finds out
02:37that we have lent our uniforms to the British airmen
02:39to help them escape,
02:41we will be in dead schtuck.
02:43What are you trying to say?
02:45If we help them blow up the railway,
02:49von Klinkerhofen's train will not arrive,
02:51so we won't have to meet it,
02:53so we won't have to wear our uniforms,
02:55so he won't know that we haven't got them.
02:57And if you don't cooperate,
02:59we will shoot you and add your corpses in the cups.
03:01Oh, well.
03:06And you're winning the law?
03:08What's one railway?
03:11Follow me.
03:11I am here in obedience to your orders, Herr Flick.
03:33You are quite punctual.
03:36Only 12 seconds late.
03:38Come in.
03:39Stand over there.
03:41Yes, Herr Flick.
03:52We do not wish to be disturbed, do we?
03:54You don't take any chances, Herr Flick.
04:02That all depends.
04:05Go into the next chamber.
04:18You're trembling.
04:19Are you afraid of me?
04:21The streets are cold.
04:22But you're also perspiring.
04:25Your room is hot.
04:27The room is 62.5 degrees.
04:30This is not hot.
04:31I can hide nothing from you, Herr Flick.
04:34I'm trembling with uncertainty
04:36and perspiring with anticipation.
04:39This is not unusual.
04:41Take off your jacket.
04:43Yes, Herr Flick.
04:44On the bed.
04:54In your jacket.
05:01Let down your hair.
05:03Yes, Herr Flick.
05:03Anything else?
05:13Not yet.
05:17Sit down.
05:18Sit down.
05:18The colonel is behaving strangely.
05:34Do you think he will find the painting of the fallen Madonna
05:37with the big boobies?
05:38It's hard to say.
05:41The whole thing is in the air at the moment.
05:45Are you telling me the truth?
05:46I promise.
05:47I swear on my honor, you can do what you like to me.
05:50We shall come to that later.
05:52Come with me.
06:09Bring the Germans.
06:10Yvette, you come too.
06:19Stand by very quick.
06:20Get away.
06:22The railway line runs in that cutting.
06:33Look, do you really need me?
06:35I have had no experience in this sort of thing.
06:39All I have ever blown up is a balloon.
06:42You will take these speds.
06:44What are these speds for?
06:45To take an hole under the slipper for the explosives.
06:48What?
06:49Follow me.
06:52What's going on, Fairfax?
06:54Can't be gardening at this time of night.
06:57Speaking for myself, I'm jolly frightened.
06:59Me too.
07:00Dig an hole under the slipper.
07:04Here.
07:06Yvette, you have the explosives?
07:08I have it straight to my thigh.
07:09You are very brave, Yvette.
07:13I know.
07:14If you had tripped, that cork could have put an end to everything.
07:19I have been thinking of nothing else.
07:24There is a lot missing.
07:25Ah, yes.
07:26Well, you see, my wife gave some to my mother-in-law and quite a lot to the chickens.
07:31You fool.
07:32Can I trust you with nothing?
07:34There might not be enough to blow up the train.
07:36Oh, well, in that case, do not let us waste time.
07:39Let's go home.
07:41Wait here with the Germans.
07:43I will crash the lorry onto the line.
07:45That and the explosives will stop the train.
07:48Once you get an idea into your head, you don't let go, do you?
07:52Let's go.
07:53I am sorry for the delay, Colonel.
07:58A little technical matter, you understand?
08:00Well, at least we can have a drink while we're waiting.
08:03No.
08:04That is not gin.
08:06What is it?
08:07It's nitroglycerine.
08:09Nitro...
08:10Ah!
08:21Hans, you fool!
08:23You've blown up the railway.
08:26Isn't that what we're here for?
08:28Get down, they're shooting at the...
08:30No!
08:34No, it's the guards.
08:36They're shooting at the lorry.
08:49I say, it's all dead, isn't it?
08:53We surrender.
09:00We surrender.
09:01Don't shoot!
09:04You think this would be a good time to tell them we are German officers?
09:07It would have been if you hadn't just blown up the railway.
09:11Good evening.
09:16You're probably wondering what I am doing here.
09:20It is, Renée, Yvette!
09:25Oh, will nobody attend to me?
09:30Come in, Mama.
09:31Come in, Mama.
09:32What are you looking like doing in your bed?
09:37Well, he was sleeping in the cellar.
09:41It is very windy down there.
09:45It's not much better up here.
09:46It's not much better up here.
09:47Why have I been left alone so long?
09:52I had a headache for him.
09:55I was talking to my daughter.
10:00The Germans have arrested Renée.
10:01He's in the nick.
10:02He will be shut.
10:03Oh, I always knew it.
10:04His eyes are too close together.
10:05You should have married the butcher.
10:06He like you.
10:07Every time you pass his shop, he wave at you with his chopper.
10:10I am to think of a plan to rescue him.
10:15Monsieur Leclerc, you have been in prison many times.
10:19Can you help me?
10:20Of course, madame.
10:21I can help you.
10:22I have been in many times.
10:23His eyes are too close together.
10:24You should have married the butcher.
10:25He like you.
10:26Every time you pass his shop, he wave at you with his chopper.
10:29I am to think of a plan to rescue him.
10:32Monsieur Leclerc, you have been in prison many times.
10:34Can you help me?
10:35Of course, madame.
10:37I can help you.
10:38I have been in many French nicks.
10:44Always gigolo.
10:48I am ready, madame.
10:50Lead on.
10:51I will follow.
11:00Look at it how you feel.
11:02This is a very serious situation.
11:05Colonel, surely you know somebody who could order our release?
11:08There is only one person who could order our release.
11:11Who?
11:12Me.
11:19René, if they shoot us, at least I will die by your side.
11:23If you died in front of me, I'd have a better chance.
11:28René, you do love me, don't you?
11:30Of course I love you, Yvette, of course.
11:34Oh, René.
11:35What do you think it will be like in Everton?
11:38Well, I don't suppose they'll let us do this for a start.
11:43Only the French would have boys and girls in the same cell.
11:46I don't know.
11:48Pssst.
11:49Oh.
11:50Helga.
11:51Helga.
11:52Helga.
11:53How did you get up there?
11:54I am standing on a peasant.
11:58Have you come to get us out?
11:59No, but I have your uniforms back from the cleaners.
12:02Where are they?
12:03In the office, ready for you when you get out.
12:05But how do we get out?
12:07Here is a hexall for the bars.
12:10Ah.
12:12Even without bars, I can't get through this little window.
12:15I could.
12:16Yes, but you can't sign the orders.
12:18You're not senior enough.
12:19I could forge your signature.
12:21I have done it before.
12:22Now it's all coming out.
12:25General von...
12:27Stand still!
12:30General von Klinkhofen is arriving by car.
12:35He's most displeased.
12:37Somebody's blown up the railway.
12:39It was him.
12:40Tell him.
12:42I must go.
12:44Somebody's coming.
12:45Ah!
12:46Oh!
12:47Oh!
12:48Oh!
12:49Oh!
12:50Oh!
12:51Oh!
12:52Oh!
12:53Oh!
12:54Oh!
12:55Oh!
12:56Oh!
12:57Oh!
12:58Oh!
12:59Oh!
13:00Oh!
13:01Oh!
13:03Oh!
13:04Oh!
13:05Oh!
13:06Oh!
13:07Oh!
13:08Oh!
13:09Oh!
13:10Oh!
13:11Oh!
13:12Oh!
13:13Oh!
13:14Oh!
13:15Oh!
13:16Oh!
13:17Oh!
13:18Oh!
13:19Oh!
13:20Oh!
13:21Oh!
13:22Oh!
13:23Oh!
13:24Oh!
13:25Oh!
13:26Oh!
13:27Oh!
13:28Oh!
13:29Oh!
13:30Oh!
13:31to see you. This is good news. Also, I have for you, concealed on my purse, an axol. We
13:43already have an axol, you silly old fool. In that case, my son, up yours. I have given
13:56them, my blessing. Let me out. Bless you. And you.
14:10Highness. Oh, and Mother.
14:17You have more visitors.
14:20Why are you putting me in here with these smelly peasants?
14:30To say goodbye to your son-in-law.
14:33Goodbye. Let us get out.
14:40Oh, Renée.
14:41Not now, Edith.
14:44We have a plan.
14:45Good. What is it?
14:52We are up to here with axol.
14:54I am down to there with axol.
14:59But, Michelle's plan. Now, listen carefully. She said this only once.
15:06There are more, isn't it, Perfax?
15:10I was just thinking, if the Jerry's find us dressed in civvies, it'll take quite a lot
15:16of explaining.
15:18If they found us in bed with each other, it would take even more explaining.
15:22Carstairs, are you a grammar school boy?
15:29How do you know?
15:32I've been wearing your socks in bed.
15:36Come along. Time is up.
15:41Time to go home, Mama.
15:44Edith, I do not wish to nitpick, but why could not Yvette and I have escaped?
16:05I mean, what kind of a plan is it that leaves me still in the cooler?
16:10It was Michelle's plan.
16:12The colonel, once he's back in his office, will sign the papers for your release.
16:17And what if he doesn't?
16:19Then Michelle will tell the Gestapo that it was the colonel who nicked the painting of the
16:23Fall of Madonna with the big boobies.
16:26What do you think, Renée?
16:27I once heard a proverb about the best laid plans of mice and men.
16:34This plan was definitely laid by a mouse.
16:38You can say that again.
16:41If it should go wrong, Renée, I shall be by your side.
16:46And as they take aim, I shall sing the Matthias.
16:50Then I hope they are quick on the trigger.
16:52Well, Hans, it's good to be back in the uniform.
16:59We are very lucky to get out of that jail.
17:03You were very convincing as Renée's 85-year-old mother-in-law.
17:07You were very good as my daughter.
17:10I have good legs.
17:13The prisoner is outside.
17:15Good. Bring him in.
17:18Bring him inside!
17:22Right, you're dismissed.
17:32Oh.
17:38Renée, my old friend.
17:40Take a chair.
17:46Make yourself comfortable.
17:48You are most kind, Colonel.
17:50After all, we are all in this together.
17:53Well, I think some of us are in a little deeper.
17:56Can we not get rid of these things now?
17:59Not until I've signed the release form.
18:02I have a pen in my pocket here.
18:04Really? We must proceed cautiously.
18:06This morning already I have signed for the release of your wife and mother-in-law.
18:11And Yvette?
18:12He signed hers first.
18:15Shut up, Hans!
18:17We have to show someone to General von Klinkerhofen.
18:20Well, what happens when he has seen me?
18:22We will tell him you are a very small potato.
18:24And that way are going to shoot you or something.
18:28Or hand you over to the Gestapo.
18:30And then he will go away.
18:32And all will be well.
18:34I expect you feel very relieved.
18:36Well, up to a point.
18:38General von Klinkerhofen is here!
18:41Von Klinkerhofen is here!
18:43What happens?
18:44You're a Christian!
18:45You're a Christian!
18:46You're a Christian!
18:48You're a Christian!
18:49You're a Christian!
18:50You're a Christian!
18:51You're a Christian!
18:52You're a Christian!
18:53Really, my friend, we may have to insult you a little.
18:54Call you pig and dog and that sort of thing.
18:55Dear Colonel, feel free!
18:57General von Klinkerhofen!
19:05Hey Hitler!
19:06Heard Hitler!
19:08Klopp!
19:09so this is the ringleader no the ringleader escaped this is just a poor unfortunate peasant
19:19who was dragged in against his will what he says is perfectly true I am a small potato
19:26silence you don't pick can you talk with him
19:35what are the names of the other men in the court let me think there was a he doesn't know we've
19:54been through all that he knows nothing I think we should release it I do not agree I think he
20:05should be executed as an example don't you think that's a little drastic you have a shot at dawn
20:19of course I will supervise it personally good how does seven o'clock suit you later would be better
20:27for me don't I ina frog face as you'll be there to see it done
20:39he has departed if you don't get me out of this well I shall be forced to reveal how you stole the
20:58painting how you lent your uniforms to the British Airmen to help them escape and how you blew up the
21:02railway we will give to the firing party wooden bullets how is this an improvement wooden bullets
21:20disintegrate ten foot from the muscles of the rifles I see how close do they stand not as close as that
21:28providing it is not what happens when they fire you fall down do you really think it is safe well we
21:42won't know for sure until you get up again I've come to see the prisoner to say my last farewell so many
21:54goodbyes you are number six this way yet another visitor for you maria five minutes only
22:08oh it is so comforting to hold you in my arms again I have something for you I have something for you too but
22:27you go first I will never let the firing squad shoot you take this thing you think I can bribe then
22:38take it between the strong white teeth and crush it and you will be gone this is not the kind of escape I
22:48I promise there is only one more thing I can give you Maria is that time for them it is still warm
23:18you might be possible you may have something for you to come obli
23:40I don't want to be difficult, but could you move there just a little more slowly, please?
24:05Did you get the dummy bullets?
24:07Yes, here they are.
24:08Well, they look exactly like the real bullets.
24:11Yes, I brought the real ones to show you.
24:13Morning, Colonel.
24:14Morning.
24:15Morning, Captain.
24:16Morning.
24:17Sad occasion.
24:18Yes, but the dog deserves it.
24:20Pig!
24:22Ah, the bullets.
24:27Hans, he's taken both boxes.
24:30What if he loads the real bullets into the rifles?
24:33Oh, dear.
24:34Do you think we should warn, Rene?
24:35There's no point in worrying him.
24:40He has a lot on his mind.
24:45Sergeant, here are the bullets.
24:47Load the rifles.
24:50Port!
24:51Port!
24:57All prepared?
24:59Everything is going according to plan.
25:01Very nearly.
25:02Don't waste time.
25:04I have to leave.
25:05Oh.
25:07It is cold.
25:09Why have you brought me here?
25:13The angels are going to take my husband away.
25:17The last time it was the belief.
25:20This is a very sad occasion for me, Rene.
25:30Yes, I feel the same way, Lefton.
25:33Ah, you're French.
25:35You are so brave.
25:37Your mother-in-law has not shed one single tear.
25:40This, I believe.
25:42What about my wife?
25:44She is like a rock.
25:46She says she is going to sing the Marseillaise.
25:49You wish a blindfold?
25:51Earplugs would be better.
25:54May I shake your hand?
25:56Of course.
25:58You'll find it around the back.
26:05Can we get on with this, please?
26:08Oh, I nearly forgot.
26:09So they have something to aim at.
26:20You Germans, such sticklers for accuracy.
26:27Why?
26:27Now?
26:39No.
26:39I will give you the signal.
26:46Is that it?
26:48No.
26:49I am composing myself.
26:53Friedreich.
26:54In!
26:54In!
26:55Present!
26:58Your rifles!
27:03Now.
27:06One, two, three, four.
27:09Hooray!
27:09Children of, you and now,
27:12To see you on the throne,
27:15You know, you're shawn now.
27:16Ready?
27:16You, and you, and you don't.
27:21You're a fooray!
27:22You're a fooray!
27:24I am, I am!
27:25I am!
27:25I am!
27:26You're a fooray!
27:26You're a fooray!
27:26I am!
27:27I am!
27:27Yeah!
27:27No!
27:28I am!
27:28Hey!
27:28Hey!
27:28Hey!
27:29Hey!
27:29Hey!
27:29Hey!
27:30Hey!
27:30Hey!
27:31Hey!
27:32Hamlet, a fool's love around us while our blood shall not be shed in...
27:40Why have we stopped?
27:43It is over.
27:46Good.
27:48Let that be a lesson to you.
27:51The relatives may remove the body.
27:53Heil Hitler! Heil Hitler!
27:56You may escort me to my car.
27:58Do you think he's alright?
28:07If he is, it'll be drinks from the house.
28:11If not, we've found another cafe.
28:22My poor brave brother.
28:28He's still alive. He's trying to speak.
28:33Dear René, are you in pain?
28:37Keep quiet. These may be his last brave words.
28:41Listen carefully. I shall say this only once.
28:47My bum is on a thistle.
28:52I am in pain and feeling powder.
28:53But I'm not the other way.
28:56.
28:57Have I met youhou'd though?
28:58Have a short love.
28:59Never.
29:01Dude!
29:02I just want Ant友 Impact to you.
29:05Please, thank God.
29:07My Himself As I The Deaf.
29:08I have a feel kind of happy that you have exported words.
29:10And I also going to't have sometimes