- 6/27/2025
Top Gear Season 1 Episode 4 – Full Episode (2002)
In Episode 4 of the original Top Gear series, Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, and Jason Dawe return with another entertaining mix of performance reviews, car tests, and motoring fun.
🚗 Featured Reviews & Challenges:
Mercedes-Benz S-Class (W220) – Jeremy Clarkson reviews the luxury flagship and puts its advanced technology to the test. Is this the most high-tech car of the early 2000s?
Volvo XC90 SUV Test – Practicality meets performance as Top Gear explores the safety and handling of Volvo’s family-friendly SUV.
World’s Fastest Faithful Car? – A challenge to find Britain’s fastest church minister driver in a drag race showdown!
Jason Dawe's Used Car Advice – Tips on the best second-hand buys for value and reliability.
🎬 Star in a Reasonably Priced Car:
Ross Kemp (from EastEnders and Ultimate Force) takes on the Top Gear test track in the Suzuki Liana. Find out how the action star handles the pressure!
💬 With its mix of luxury car reviews, quirky motoring challenges, and celebrity fun, Episode 4 delivers classic Top Gear energy and early 2000s nostalgia.
📌 Watch now for the full episode of automotive insights, humour, and unforgettable Top Gear moments!
Top Gear Season 1 Episode 4
Top Gear S01E04 full episode
Mercedes S-Class review Top Gear
Volvo XC90 test drive
Ross Kemp Top Gear
Top Gear 2002 full episodes
classic Top Gear episode
Jeremy Clarkson Mercedes review
Richard Hammond early Top Gear
Top Gear fastest vicar
Suzuki Liana lap times
Top Gear Star in a Reasonably Priced Car
Top Gear used car advice
Top Gear UK episodes
Jason Dawe car tips
early 2000s Top Gear
In Episode 4 of the original Top Gear series, Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, and Jason Dawe return with another entertaining mix of performance reviews, car tests, and motoring fun.
🚗 Featured Reviews & Challenges:
Mercedes-Benz S-Class (W220) – Jeremy Clarkson reviews the luxury flagship and puts its advanced technology to the test. Is this the most high-tech car of the early 2000s?
Volvo XC90 SUV Test – Practicality meets performance as Top Gear explores the safety and handling of Volvo’s family-friendly SUV.
World’s Fastest Faithful Car? – A challenge to find Britain’s fastest church minister driver in a drag race showdown!
Jason Dawe's Used Car Advice – Tips on the best second-hand buys for value and reliability.
🎬 Star in a Reasonably Priced Car:
Ross Kemp (from EastEnders and Ultimate Force) takes on the Top Gear test track in the Suzuki Liana. Find out how the action star handles the pressure!
💬 With its mix of luxury car reviews, quirky motoring challenges, and celebrity fun, Episode 4 delivers classic Top Gear energy and early 2000s nostalgia.
📌 Watch now for the full episode of automotive insights, humour, and unforgettable Top Gear moments!
Top Gear Season 1 Episode 4
Top Gear S01E04 full episode
Mercedes S-Class review Top Gear
Volvo XC90 test drive
Ross Kemp Top Gear
Top Gear 2002 full episodes
classic Top Gear episode
Jeremy Clarkson Mercedes review
Richard Hammond early Top Gear
Top Gear fastest vicar
Suzuki Liana lap times
Top Gear Star in a Reasonably Priced Car
Top Gear used car advice
Top Gear UK episodes
Jason Dawe car tips
early 2000s Top Gear
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Mato, we bring a message to your master Jabba the Hutt.
00:04Dejabba Wonka.
00:07And a gift.
00:10Gift, what gift?
00:14Dejabba no bother.
00:17Trouble that can be made.
00:21Tigers waiting to be too singin'.
00:25Yeah.
00:30Ha!
00:31Marvong wangi gohba.
00:34Bupi zhang wangi gohba.
00:38Pang nang ni duk zhang ki droi.
01:00It's the Aston Martin vanquish.
01:09And it's the kind of car you want to take to the Riviera.
01:13But this is Britain, so we don't have a Riviera.
01:16So I took it to the Isle of Wight instead.
01:18Tell me where do you go to, my lovely?
01:35But when you're alone, you're there.
01:40And here we are in Cowes.
01:43This is old school Britain.
01:45Shops selling heavy jumpers.
01:47Pubs selling heavy food.
01:50So the vanquish seems out of place.
01:52It has a new type of chassis, which is theoretically very, very light.
01:57And the body's made of carbon flavour for the same reason.
02:01You might imagine, then, that the vanquish is like modern British cuisine.
02:07Juice drizzled onto a spot of rocket.
02:09But no, it's a proper old state and kidney pie, this.
02:13It actually weighs more than the DB7.
02:16And that's made of angle grinders and church pews.
02:21The locals didn't seem unduly bothered about the excess weight, though.
02:25And that's the best thing about driving a vanquish.
02:28Even though it costs 158,000 pounds, everyone loves it.
02:35How much house can you get for that in the Isle of Wight?
02:38Really?
02:39So we're talking about the state agent window.
02:42What have you got for the price of a vanquish, then?
02:44That house there, detached house, three bedrooms, lounge, whatever one of those is,
02:50three-bedroom house for about the same as the Aston.
02:53Would you rather have that house or that car?
02:55The car.
02:56Good girl.
02:58Definitely the car.
03:01That's a six-liter, 460-horsepower V12 engine.
03:06You could attach that to your house and still do.
03:090 to 60 in five seconds.
03:12So in a car...
03:13Oh, that's a fast car.
03:26Oh, that's a fast car.
03:28That's a properly fast car.
03:42So much power.
03:46It's not just the power either.
03:49It's the noise.
03:50Listen to this.
03:56I could get all flowery now and tell you it sounds like lightning.
04:00But actually, what it sounds like is Tom Jones bending over to pick up the soap while he's in the showers in Wandsworth Neck.
04:08Oh, that noise.
04:14Ready?
04:16Oh, it is a wonderful noise.
04:22And I love the way this car looks, too.
04:24I love the interior.
04:26I like the badge.
04:27I like the fact James Bond has one.
04:29I like its Britishness.
04:31You find yourself welling up as you growl along on a wave of nationalistic pride.
04:37I vow to thee, my country.
04:39It feels as though I'm driving around in Douglas Bader himself.
04:50But like Douglas Bader, the Vanquish has something missing.
04:55A gear lever.
04:56Look.
04:57Instead, I've got these Formula One-style paddles behind the steering wheel.
05:03Right-hand side to change up.
05:05Left-hand side to change down.
05:07Now, that means you have to keep both hands on the steering wheel, which is fine in Formula One.
05:14No-one talks on the phone in Formula One.
05:16Or eats.
05:24And you try doing a three-point turn.
05:27Here, look.
05:27I've run out of island.
05:28I've got to do one.
05:29So, reverse.
05:32Pull both of them.
05:33That's neutral.
05:34Push that.
05:36Wait.
05:37No, still hasn't.
05:38Yep, we've got reverse.
05:39Now, here we go.
05:43Back up.
05:44So, I've got to get my foot off the brake.
05:47And before we've rolled into the Atlantic, I've got to hit the accelerator.
05:51But I mustn't hit it too hard or I'll end up in the lifeboat hut.
05:55Doing about 140 miles an hour.
05:57So, what a great gearbox.
06:07What a wonderful invention.
06:10Well done, whoever thought of this.
06:12What was the matter with Emanuel?
06:14Why do we have to have this?
06:21There are other problems, too.
06:23It judders in town and the clutch gives up completely if you try to do a full ball standing start.
06:28That means the vanquish has to wade into battle with one arm tied behind its back.
06:34And that's a problem.
06:35Because look what's attacking it these days.
06:37This is the new Ferrari 575 fitted here with an equally new sports handling pack.
06:47It costs about the same as the Aston.
06:50Both are two-seaters.
06:51Both are front-engine, rear-drive GT cars.
06:54Both do nearly 200 miles an hour.
06:57Both do 0-60 in under 5 seconds.
07:01So, which is the best?
07:09Well, let's talk to the man who's driving the Ferrari.
07:16Damon Hill.
07:18So, what's it like?
07:20It's beautiful.
07:21Really?
07:21Yeah.
07:21And it's just a lovely machine.
07:23It's everything you expect from a Ferrari.
07:25And it gives you that slight frisson, you know?
07:27The slight nervousness.
07:28Scary, even.
07:29The slight butterflies.
07:31Is it scary?
07:32Yeah.
07:32I mean, you have to pay it some respect.
07:34It's a prancing horse, you know?
07:35You don't actually feel completely comfortable in the car.
07:38You enjoy driving it, but at the same time you're very wary of losing concentration on it.
07:43Well, I'll tell you what.
07:44You drive that now.
07:45I'll drive this.
07:46Okay.
07:47Meet up at the end and see what we think.
07:49And, um, if I flash.
07:51Yeah.
07:52Okay?
07:52It means I want to come by.
07:53If you just pull over.
07:54Just get it out of the way, all right?
07:56Right.
07:57Okay.
07:58And you really think that's going to happen, do you?
08:00What if I don't?
08:00This has the same stupid gearbox as the Aston Martin, but unlike the Aston, you don't have to have it.
08:30You can save yourself 8,000 pounds, 8,000, and have a proper manual.
08:34It's a little difficult to use words like awesome and very, very, very impressive.
08:44When you're used to Formula One cars, because after that, everything else is a little bit sluggish.
08:49But for what it is, this is a little bit sluggish.
08:50But for what it is, this is a very, very impressive beast.
08:52And the nice thing is that you can dawdle around in this car, minding your own business, going slowly, and then just drop a gear, and suddenly, you're in Schumacher mode.
09:08I'd like to hear the engine again.
09:11I think, listen to this.
09:18Now it feels like a sports car.
09:20Then, with the driving over, we met up to make a decision.
09:34A Ferrari.
09:36And for me, a Ferrari.
09:38Yeah.
09:38It's just more complete, somehow.
09:42I think it gives you that shot of adrenaline, doesn't it, which, um, yeah, the Aston doesn't.
09:52So, Jeremy, you were doing 40 miles an hour there.
09:55Absolutely.
09:56We never exceeded the speed limit once in the entire making of that film there.
10:00I have to say, though, it was, for me, one of the greatest days.
10:05Honestly and truthfully, Ferrari, Aston Martin, Sunshine, Damon Hill.
10:09It was just heaven.
10:11And what made it particularly exciting was that the local Isle of Wight radio station decided, in its wisdom, to broadcast the fact, over the air, that Damon and Jeremy were down there with an Aston and a Ferrari, and why don't you all go along and have a look?
10:24So, I came around the corner at 40, in the Ferrari, and there he is with his hair greased down.
10:29I brought me Dover down for yourself.
10:31Oh, God.
10:32We got the herd of them all off the road.
10:34It was just heaven.
10:36But you love this, didn't you?
10:36You love the 575.
10:37575 is a fabulous, fabulous car, but it must be stressed, the one that I drove there had the Fiorano handling pack on it, which transforms the car, apparently, standard suspension, bit wallowy, bit soft.
10:50But this one was sport, the Aston was sport, gearbox, yeah?
10:52Gearbox, just, gearbox, just, honestly.
10:54How does that?
10:54Oh, it just ruins it.
10:56You just think, just change it, because it's affecting the second-hand values of it.
11:00Oh, yeah, I mean, if you went out with a slug of money, you'd struggle to buy a 575.
11:04What's the waiting list on that now, it's, well, list price, it's kind of 12, 18 months.
11:09Really?
11:09Yeah, I mean, if you want to pay a premium, you can get one before, but with a vanquish, I could get you one next week, list price.
11:13Really?
11:14Yeah, and second-hand, whilst you'll see them advertised at strong money, if you try to trade one in, it's a different story.
11:20There's stories of these cars going six months old with, like, 50 grand depreciation, so 170 new, 120 second-hand.
11:25So, basically, then, the Ferrari is, uh, is a winner as far as an investment's concerned.
11:30It's a winner on the road, but what about on the track?
11:34It should be a foregone conclusion here, too, but the Stig had just bought himself a new Boston CD, and he wanted to give it his spin.
11:42So, we let him loose, obviously, in the Aston Martin first of all.
11:47Here he comes now, last little section, coming across the line after Carpenter's Corner here, and it's one minute, 36 seconds.
12:00Now, into the Ferrari, with his Boston CD again.
12:04One minute, 36 seconds to beat the final corner here.
12:12Is he going to do it?
12:13One, 36 seconds, and...
12:15Predictably, it is quicker than the Aston, OK?
12:19But, and this is amazing, by one second, a time of one minute, 35 seconds.
12:23Now, I'm going to put that on the board, there they both are, behind the Noble, but, remember, it was, I've underlined W for wet, it was that wet, it really was horrendous out there.
12:33Don't think that put the Stig off, though, he really tried, because this happened.
12:39About 140 miles an hour through this corner.
12:49That's not bravery doing that, that's just stupidity.
12:52Now, we've got a bit of a Formula One theme going on tonight, which is why this has come into our little world.
12:59You see, Formula One teams are forever telling us that the technology and gizmos on their cars eventually filter down to the cars that you and I buy every day.
13:09Well, on that basis, we'd all be driving around now in a 1988 McLaren, as driven by Ayrton Senna, and, of course, we're not.
13:17In fact, the only technology I can think of that Formula One has given us are those stupid gearboxes that we don't want, anyway.
13:26Now, rallying, that's a completely different animal.
13:29Sure, it has contributed one word to the English language.
13:34Does anybody want to hazard a guess what that word might be?
13:37Anorak.
13:38Anorak.
13:39You'd know, sir.
13:40You'd know.
13:41Absolutely right.
13:42It's not an Eskimo word.
13:43It's what people wear on the Welsh hillsides when they're sitting in the rain.
13:48But, rallying has given us quite a lot more besides, turbocharging, four-wheel drive.
13:53And, if you walked into a BMW showroom and said, can I buy this, they'd say, no, you can't.
14:00But, you can buy a Mitsubishi Evo 7.
14:04You can buy a Subaru Impreza.
14:06And this has been going on for ages.
14:08You could buy an Audi Quattro, or an Escort Cosworth, or a Delta Integrale.
14:12Rallying gives us the cars.
14:14And there's something else it gives us.
14:16A world champion.
14:17And he's here, ladies and gentlemen, Richard Burns.
14:23How are you all, Jim?
14:24Good.
14:25So, what are they going to do about Formula One?
14:30Try and make it more interesting.
14:32Try and make it as interesting as rallying.
14:34Well, that's it, you know, because rallying is always seen as the poor relation, isn't it?
14:37But, actually, it's coming quite good now.
14:40I think it is.
14:41There's more manufacturers in it.
14:42There's a lot more people who can actually win a rally now than there is in Formula One.
14:46And I just, I hope that some of the people who have stopped watching that are going to start watching this.
14:50That's true.
14:51It's been kind to you, let's be honest.
14:53Let's be honest.
14:54I don't see too badly.
14:55I was seeing in the papers this week twice as much you're earning now as Jenson Button.
14:59Ah, really?
15:00Well, I'm twice as old as he is.
15:01Yeah.
15:03And you're a tax exile.
15:04I am.
15:05Got a house in Andorra.
15:06I have.
15:07Got a girlfriend.
15:08Yeah, which you need money for, obviously.
15:11And you've still got ginger hair.
15:13You haven't spent any of that.
15:14I've cut most of it off.
15:15Yeah.
15:16Why do you drive one-handed?
15:17That's what I can't understand.
15:18It looks like you're really not trying.
15:20Hey, put both hands on the wheel, man.
15:22You go faster.
15:23It's easy.
15:24But why do you do it?
15:25You've always just got one hand on the wheel.
15:27I used to, but now you've got the gear change on the wheel then.
15:30Oh, you haven't got that as well, have you?
15:32Sorry.
15:33It's rubbish.
15:34It doesn't work.
15:35It doesn't work.
15:36That's why you've lost the championship.
15:37Because of your gearbox.
15:38Actually, now, why have you lost it?
15:40Um, we've had a fairly average year and our team mate has had a spectacular one.
15:44Simple as that, really.
15:45We?
15:46No, you have.
15:47Me and Robert.
15:48We're a team.
15:49Oh, of course we're a team.
15:50And, um, he caused you to have a good crash, didn't he?
15:52It was totally his fault.
15:53Yeah.
15:54Sure.
15:55I had a quite big accident a few weeks ago in New Zealand, um, when it was totally
16:01my fault.
16:02The speed was right, but the corner was too tight.
16:03Make it live for us.
16:04What happened?
16:05Uh, the tyres had done about 60k.
16:07There are absolutely nothing left, and it's on full gravel, obviously.
16:10And we slid into the outside, hit a bank, the nose dug into the ground, and I went about
16:14five times over in the air.
16:15Hurt yourself?
16:16Nope.
16:17No.
16:18Sorry.
16:19Have you hurt yourself at all this year?
16:20No.
16:21Nothing.
16:22So it's Colin McRae that hurts himself?
16:23Colin always tends to hurt himself.
16:25I hurt my co-driver, which is more sensible.
16:27Which is fair.
16:28Now, you've got this book out.
16:30Apparently, yeah.
16:31What's it called?
16:32Driving Ambition.
16:33In your book, you said when you were younger, you didn't like going to pubs and discos,
16:37and you preferred the company of rally people.
16:39Yeah, but then I grew up, and I had that money you were talking about, and found out
16:44what all that was about.
16:45So now, I do go to the pub.
16:48To be honest, I think if you don't allow yourself to live a slightly normal life, you're
16:51going to want to shoot yourself fairly quickly, I think.
16:53Well, I mean, I saw a picture of your great rival Colin McRae the other day, tucking in,
16:57on a rise, to a curry sauce and chips.
17:00Now, I've never seen a Formula One driver go, I'll have the curry sauce on there.
17:04They're not, they're not cultured enough.
17:06Very.
17:07Have you ever thought what it would be like, come with me.
17:09Have you ever thought what it would be like for the people who have to turn up and spectate
17:14on the, er...
17:15I remember, I did, I used to do that.
17:17You did?
17:18Yeah.
17:19Well, I'm not sure that you've really got it at the forefront of your head, so I want
17:21to give you a flavour of what it's like to be a rally spectator, okay?
17:25If you'd just like to step out there, that's very much.
17:27Right.
17:28Now, we'll leave him out there until his whole head's turned blue.
17:48What about a car that's got nothing to do with Formula One, and nothing to do with rallying?
17:53The Nissan Skyline.
17:55It's basically a huge PlayStation with an exhaust pipe on the back.
18:00And if you're interested in buying a second-hand one, there's a few things you need to know.
18:06In the World League table of supercars, Japan has only made one real contribution, the Nissan Skyline.
18:13It may not have the looks and the pedigree of an Aston Martin or Ferrari, but then again,
18:19it never had the price tag either.
18:22But it certainly had the pace.
18:24Whenever it went racing, it crushed the opposition.
18:31In fact, in the Australian Touring Car Series, they changed the rules so the car could be outlawed.
18:37The Skyline's strength lies under the skin, where you'll find a 276 brake horsepower twin turbo
18:44and an incredible computer-controlled chassis that can be two-wheel drive when you want it and four-wheel drive when you need it.
18:53But it's all over for this Techno Titan because this year they stopped building Skylines,
18:58and Japan's cut-price supercar is now available only as a second-hand buy.
19:05In all, there were three models to choose from.
19:07The R32, which was built in the first half of the 90s.
19:11The R33, which comes around from 96 to 99.
19:15And finally, the imaginatively named R34,
19:19which, with a 0-60 time of 5.2 seconds and a top speed of 155 miles per hour, is the best of the breed.
19:29Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
19:33Ah, that was nice.
19:37Not only is it blisteringly quick, but it's almost idiot-proof to drive,
19:41with that computerised chassis capable of turning Maureen into Michael Schumacher.
19:46A really clever torque converter. You've got active yaw control.
19:49There's sensors all around on the wheels.
19:51There's gyroscopes telling you how fast you're cornering and accelerating.
19:54They chuck all that information into a 16-bit processor.
19:59And the outcome is the car kind of looks after you.
20:01It doesn't have to make it corner-quick.
20:03What about the display here? Look at this.
20:09Ooh!
20:11As we drive along, we can check how many G we're going round corners.
20:16We can check the turbo boost.
20:19We can check the torque to the front wheels.
20:22I mean, it's going to keep you occupied for, oh, minutes!
20:27It's a fantastic bit of kit.
20:34It really is a car for the PlayStation generation.
20:46So, big fan of the car.
20:47Yeah, we all are, obviously. Great car.
20:49Which one should you buy?
20:50Why?
20:51Well, the first thing you've got to realise about Skylines is that they're mainly bought as playthings.
20:55So, if you're going and looking at one, you can find a car with quite low mileage that's got, like, three or four owners on it.
21:00Because, basically, they wheel it out, do a track day, drive it home.
21:03So, you'll understand that.
21:04And the other thing is you've got to be aware that a lot of them are grey imports.
21:06Yeah.
21:07And the problem is when you bring a car over from Japan, yeah, but you lose the service books and you often lose mileages.
21:12Well, they have a little haircut on the mileage.
21:14Yeah, a little haircut, a little trim.
21:15Or somewhere coming round past Dubai or just trim a couple of thousand miles off.
21:19That's what's happening, is it?
21:20Well, yeah.
21:21It is.
21:22It is.
21:23Okay.
21:24And so, what should you look for?
21:25What kind of things are they known for?
21:26Well, I mean, they're well put together a car and a lot of things about them are very, very good.
21:30But, depending on the model, there are things that do go wrong.
21:33The R32s, for example, the brake discs on them sometimes explode.
21:37Explode?
21:38Explode, yeah.
21:39Bang.
21:40Well, kind of disintegrate and they're 500 quid a pair to replace.
21:43You don't want that?
21:44On the later cars, on the 33s, you also get synchro problems on the gearbox on 3rd and 5th.
21:50You can sort it, but it's going to cost you about £1,000.
21:53Okay.
21:54And this one, the 34?
21:55The 34 is pretty much bulletproof.
21:57Really?
21:58Yeah, but it's a lot of money to buy.
21:59Is it?
22:00How much is it?
22:01Well, you're looking at £40,000 for one of these.
22:03Well, that's as cheap as it'll go.
22:04At the moment, they're about £40,000 for a UK car.
22:06Really?
22:07Yeah, yeah.
22:08I mean, it will drop, but at the moment.
22:09And what about the question of tuning them?
22:11Because most of them...
22:12I mean, I've driven one that's got a thousand horsepower.
22:14Yeah, yeah.
22:15Well, I mean, the standard car's got 276 brake horsepower, which to be fair is plenty.
22:18The minute you start putting chips on them, you're going to start getting turbo wear.
22:21The normal turbo will last about 60,000 miles.
22:24And it'll cost you about £1,500 to replace, twin turbos.
22:27The minute you put a chip on it and you start bumping that power up, you're going to shorten
22:30the life of the turbo.
22:31So you really want to try and find one that's unshipped, unmolested.
22:34Yeah.
22:35Which is actually pretty hard.
22:36And one other thing to note on these, obviously they're four-wheel drive, and when you're
22:40checking the tyres, the tyres on these are about £250 a piece.
22:43So that's £1,000 for all four corners.
22:44£1,000 for a set.
22:45And the other thing is, the way the geometry is on the Skyline, they don't wear out on the
22:49outside of the tyre, they wear out on the inside.
22:51So like an Escort Cosworth.
22:52Just like an Escort Cosworth.
22:535,000 miles an Escort Cosworth, tyres have gone on the inside.
22:55Yeah.
22:56The thing is, when people look at tyres, they normally just go, OK, yeah, there's some
22:59tread on there.
23:00So what you need to do is turn it right on full lock, get your hand in there, feel the
23:03inside, and feel the tread on there, because otherwise you're into £1,000.
23:06That's it.
23:07OK, so we've got the 32, the 33, the 34.
23:09Yeah.
23:10Which one do you reckon?
23:11Well, 32 you can pick up for about £10, £12, but to be fair, they're quite long in the teeth
23:14now, they're quite old cars.
23:15Um, the 33, well, yeah, you can pick one of those up for about £20,000, and the 34,
23:20as I say, is £40,000.
23:21So probably on balance, the best valued car is going to be the 33.
23:24Because it's about the same as the 34, isn't it?
23:26Yeah, absolutely.
23:27Same brakes, Brembo brakes, same engine, same twin turbo.
23:30OK, a little bit older, but, you know, it's half the price.
23:32Half the price.
23:36Bond is back in an Aston.
23:38And this is it, Bond's Aston Martin vanquish.
23:41Now, obviously, a Bond car, it's got to do clever stuff, and it does.
23:44We've got the obligatory ejector seat in there, and then down here at the front, the grille
23:48flops down, and out come two machine guns, and then...
23:51Oh, thank you.
23:52And then four missiles.
23:55Four missiles.
23:56Oh, yes.
23:57Well, for once, Bond is completely outgunned by the baddie.
24:00This is his car, a Jaguar XKR, and it doesn't have four missiles in the front.
24:04It has 18 missiles that come out there.
24:07It also has spikes in the tires, and we can peel down the bottom of the door here to reveal
24:13two heat-seeking missiles.
24:15It also has central locking.
24:17You can lock both doors and the boot with a simple press on a button on the key form.
24:22Then, behind the driver's seat and the passenger seat, it has a bulletproof screen, which rises
24:27up like so.
24:28A Gatling gun, obviously.
24:30Listen to that.
24:31That's a great Bond noise, isn't it?
24:34I love things that do that.
24:36But the pièce de résistance is here, in the boot.
24:39Open it up.
24:41Mortar Bombs in the back.
24:43Oh, love it.
24:45You absolutely had to, didn't you?
24:47But that's just firepower.
24:49Bond has sophistication and brains on his side, so yet the baddie fires his mortar bombs.
24:54From here emerge two shotguns, specially designed, with a rather pitiful noise, to shoot them
25:00out of the sky.
25:01But interestingly, it was those, along with the missiles at the front, that gave them
25:04a rather interesting problem when they built this car, because so much space was taken
25:08up, that underneath here, you can see...
25:11Oh, they're going to go.
25:12It's gone away.
25:13They had to get rid of the original V12 Aston Martin engine.
25:18It was too long, so they replaced it with this Mustang V8.
25:21It's that much shorter.
25:22There's more room.
25:23And the really good news about that, of course, is because the Aston engine's gone, so's the
25:27stupid gearbox.
25:28Look!
25:29Bond gets a proper automatic.
25:31Which is a good job, because, of course, if you had to do a three-point turn with the
25:35stupid flappy paddles, the world would blow up by the time you'd finished.
25:40Interestingly, despite the rather depressing difference in firepower between the two cars,
25:44under the surface, they're really very similar.
25:46They've both got that same Mustang V8, and they've both been converted to four-wheel drive,
25:50which they had to be, because in the film, they have to be driven on ice.
25:54The marriage between James Bond and Aston Martin is one of the greatest ever.
25:59Really, it was perfect.
26:00That photograph of Sean Connery leaning against his DB5 in the Alps, a publicity picture for
26:06Goldfinger, was just wonderful.
26:08Really was.
26:09But, I think it's fair to say that since then, there has been an even better automotive marriage.
26:16It's three days before Christmas, and I drive the Rover VTES Fastback to the Royal Norwich Hospital.
26:23You can't park here. I've got special permission, because I'm distributing a large box of second-hand toys to the sick children.
26:33Shall we meet the man-man who put Alan Partridge in a Rover VTES?
26:43Ladies and gentlemen, Steve Coogan!
26:52How are you?
26:53I'm very well.
26:54Good. Have a seat.
26:56And, of course, the great news is, Partridge is back.
26:59Is he?
27:00Yes, tomorrow night.
27:01Oh, great.
27:02He's on our screens.
27:03All right, super.
27:04Is he still in his Rover?
27:05Er, no, Alan's not in a Rover anymore, because we thought we laughed enough at Rovers.
27:10Erm, by right, Alan would probably be in a Jaguar by now.
27:13Er, the small X-type, is it?
27:15Small?
27:16Mm-hmm.
27:17He'd probably be in one of those, but that's not funny, so we thought we'd put him in a Lexus.
27:21A Lexus?
27:22Lexus, because, for some reason, the word Lexus, er, the word, er, I drive a Lexus.
27:27Sounds funnier than I drive a Jaguar.
27:30Which is not quite as funny.
27:31Who'd like to see a clip of the new Partridge thing?
27:33Yes.
27:34Come on, let's run it.
27:35Let's have a look.
27:36Hey, look, a Lexus.
27:37Hey, hey, it's a better one than yours.
27:38It's interesting, Michael, since owning a Lexus, it's amazing the number of Lexi you see around.
27:43Because that's the plural.
27:44Huh?
27:45Yeah.
27:46The Daily Mail.
27:48Yep.
27:49Arguably the best newspaper in the world.
27:51Ooh.
27:52Nice Lexus.
27:53It's Lexus.
27:54Yes, I, er, I love Lexi.
27:56Do you?
27:57Yeah, I always have a thing I say about Lexus.
27:59It's like the, er, the Japanese Mercedes.
28:01Japanese Mercedes.
28:02Yeah, well, I hate Mercs.
28:03People who drive them are just sad.
28:06You own Lynx.
28:08Well, Smelt.
28:10Voodoo.
28:11Java.
28:12You've been a part of it.
28:14Samuno.
28:15Nice to meet you.
28:16Fantastic.
28:17So this is where he hangs out now, in petrol stations.
28:24Well, yeah, I used to work at this petrol station, and it was one of those old-fashioned ones
28:27where, when you go in, you, er, you put the, you, you, er, we still serve the customers.
28:31Yeah.
28:32So people, people who like to have their oil changed and their windscreen wipes come into
28:35our garage.
28:36And one of the, er, one of the guys who used to come in was Bernard Manning.
28:39He used to come in, in a, in a white Lincoln Continental, er, with white plastic seats
28:44and white steering wheels.
28:45It's all white, and white, white vinyl roof.
28:48Right?
28:49And he'd come in, and I think probably because he couldn't guess himself how, he'd go,
28:52he'd go, the actual window would go down, and he'd go, fill her up, sunshine, and watch
28:56the paint work.
28:57The thing about, erm, Partridge, he's, erm, made a video.
29:02Yeah.
29:03Which I can hardly wait to see.
29:04Well, it's, it's one of those videos where, where they sort of cobble together a load
29:07of car crash stuff, and there's a little bit of Alan's delivery in the car crash video
29:10that, that, that, you know, I, I probably owe you some money for, cause you inspired it.
29:13But, er, it, it, it, it's where Alan sort of says, you know, the videos, these videos
29:16of car crashers are called things like, er, one of the ones he's released is called Crash,
29:20Bang, Wallop, What a Video.
29:21And when it's, it's one of the things where the camera speeds towards his head and goes,
29:25Errrrr, and he goes, Crash, Bang, Wallop, What a Video.
29:30And, er, and it's that, it's that intonation of saying, of finishing off his
29:36sentence, and going like that, at the end of it.
29:39So, actually, I've created this monster.
29:42Erm, I wouldn't, I wouldn't give you that much credit.
29:44Oh, no.
29:45Erm, but, er, but, er, but you're partially responsible.
29:47Now, I have to say, my favourite pairing you ever did, Man and Machine, was Gareth Cheeseman.
29:53Do we all remember Cheeseman, okay?
29:55Cheeseman, top character.
29:56Erm, in fact, shall we just show a clip, remind those of you who can't remember the magnificent
30:01show, I shall be nice to you.
30:02Here it is.
30:03You're the best.
30:04You're number one.
30:05You're a tiger.
30:06Now, does anybody remember what car he drove?
30:18Exactly.
30:19He drove a Ford Probe, didn't he?
30:21Do you know what happened to the sales figures of the Probe, after that programme was broadcast?
30:26Well, I know it wasn't a hugely successful vehicle.
30:29No, but it was a hugely successful vehicle.
30:32Oh, fine.
30:33That was November 95, I think, that went out.
30:35Yeah.
30:36Now, the year before that went out, they sold 6,200.
30:39Yeah.
30:40Shortly after that went out, or immediately after that went out, 2,400.
30:45You killed the Ford Probe.
30:48And if anybody's watching tonight from Lexus, don't bother going to work in the morning.
30:52Basically, you've had it.
30:54How much of an anorak are you, then, to be able to put Cheeseman in exactly the right
30:58car and partridge?
31:00Unfortunately, I'm a lot of an anorak.
31:02I mean, I went to the motor show this week, and I was looking around at all these people
31:05with their carrier bags full of brochures, thinking, God, you sad.
31:08And then I looked down, and I was carrying one.
31:12And Volvos, you're particularly good on.
31:14Well, I am, because my dad has always had driven Volvos his whole life.
31:17So, I'm sort of quite good on detailers.
31:20Okay, well, look.
31:21This is what we've got here, is a pile of Volvos.
31:24Okay?
31:25I'm going to pass bits to you, and I promise faithfully we aren't cheating.
31:30He has not seen these things, and we're going to find out if he's as good as he thinks he is.
31:34Hardest one to start with, okay?
31:36All right, okay, that's the hubcap off, I'm pretty certain, it's off a one...
31:42The, um, one, two, two?
31:44No, later.
31:45Later.
31:46One, uh...
31:47You're right with the one.
31:48I mean, I'm impressed on the one.
31:49It's one...
31:50One, one, four, four?
31:53It's a hubcap from a one, four, four.
31:55Can you remember the years the one, four, four?
31:57Well, the one, four, four went from, I think, sixty-nine to about seventy-six when the two-series took place.
32:08This is amazing.
32:09All right, then, do you...
32:10There's...
32:11First of all, do you know what it is?
32:12It's the interior armrest off a, uh, two, a two-series, so a two, two, four, five...
32:18No, no, it's earlier again, I'm afraid.
32:20This is off a one, four, five, one, four, four.
32:22Yeah, it's off a one, four, four.
32:23Yeah, it's off a one, four, four.
32:24Well, okay, well, uh, okay, but let me just, uh, add a ride to that.
32:27But this may be off a one, four, four, but, but, but, but, but, but earlier...
32:30Hang on.
32:31Earlier they had a s...
32:32No, no, yeah, I'm right, I'm mistaken.
32:33It is off a one, four, four.
32:38Right, well...
32:39It's a door.
32:40I know, yeah.
32:41I know that.
32:42You know it?
32:43Yeah, because the, the seals used to go here and here.
32:45There should be a frame attached to it, but there used to be rust spots here and here.
32:50No, but interestingly, the frame, I think I'm right in saying, was only attached on later
32:55models, was welded.
32:56No.
32:57And it was bolted on this one.
32:58Ah.
32:59I believe that to be the case.
33:00I didn't know that and I'm very impressed.
33:02But that part is common to both the one, four, uh, four, one, four, five series and one,
33:10six.
33:11Oh, no, because the handle...
33:12Ah.
33:13No, because there was a chrome, uh, pool door, uh, chrome door handle that stood out
33:20from the door rather than flush like that.
33:21Yeah.
33:22On the early, so it's a, it's either a late one, four, four, one, four, five.
33:27Yeah.
33:28But it could equally be, you could fit that to a two, four, four, two, four, five.
33:32But of course you have to bear in mind the two, four, fours did have the welded door frames
33:36and these have them bolted.
33:37So it's a one, two, one, four, one, four, four.
33:38Late, late one, late one.
33:39Late one, late one.
33:40Every week as you know we have a star in a reasonably priced car.
33:43That's the Suzuki Liana, £9,995 with a roll cage in there.
33:49Ah, now earlier today you did that.
33:51How do you think it went?
33:53Uh, f...
33:54Uh...
33:55Well it was absolutely bucketing down.
33:58So let's find out.
33:59Let's, let's have a look at Steve on the track.
34:02I should write my will now I suppose, but uh, I'll read out the time.
34:14Any idea how fast you got up to down here?
34:16I have no idea.
34:19Good, there's a...
34:20Glad I cleaned my tea.
34:21There's a gradual build up of terror by the looks of things.
34:24Start with mild panic.
34:26Ooh, that's quite neat.
34:28And there you are.
34:29Now, these are the times that we've had so far from all the various people who've been on the show.
34:35The Stig, still 1.56.
34:36Okay.
34:37And I was, I might, it was wet, remember, because some people have gone down and in the dry.
34:40Well, we've only had one wet one so far.
34:42It was Ross Kemp, last week, did it in one minute, 54 seconds.
34:46Okay?
34:47So that's really your benchmark time.
34:49Do you want to know?
34:50Yeah, go on.
34:51How fast you were?
34:52Yeah, go on.
34:53One minute, 53 seconds!
34:56Yes!
34:57We're going to put that here.
35:03Dugan.
35:05One minute, 53.
35:07Ross Kemp's going to be so angry about that.
35:09I beat Ross Kemp!
35:11Right, now.
35:12We've got Richard Burns standing outside at the moment.
35:16We're sort of letting him know what it's like to be a spectator on a rally in England or Wales or Scotland.
35:22We can see a picture of him out there now.
35:25Yes, there he is.
35:26Shilled to bits and nothing much happening.
35:29He's waiting for the Newsbury Carpets Nova to come bumbling by.
35:33Yeah, there he is.
35:34There are the lights.
35:35And there's the face full of gravel.
35:37Headmarks and a face full of gravel.
35:39That's basically rallying, Richard.
35:43That's what we have to put up with.
35:45So we'll leave him out there for a little while longer.
35:47But, Steve, time to part.
35:49Thanks very much for coming.
35:50Ladies and gentlemen, Steve Coogan!
35:53All of the Formula One manufacturers, with the exception of Ferrari, make a mid-range, two-litre-ish, four-door family saloon.
36:11All of them.
36:12Honda, Toyota, BMW, the lot.
36:15So we got them all together to fight it out.
36:19This is not F1.
36:22Look at that grid.
36:23There are no girls dancing around in their pants to keep us entertained.
36:26There's no throng of celebrities trying to kid on their other drivers.
36:29I'm wearing corduroy.
36:31No, this is real life.
36:33Later on, the Stig will be driving all of these cars round our test track and establishing which really is the fastest in our sales rep F1.
36:47But first, we need to set up the grid order to see who's on pole and who's lurking at the back.
36:52And we're going to do that according to things that matter.
36:54Value, quality, image, and handling.
36:58The Renault Laguna.
36:59Well, Renault's Formula One effort boasted enough technological innovation to win an F1 season.
37:05So it's a shame they didn't, really.
37:12Just like in F1, the Renault is left lagging behind the rest of the pack a bit on power.
37:17And then there's the handling.
37:19All Lagunas, the model before this and this one, have always felt as if they're aiming much more towards comfort than out-and-hour speed.
37:26But actually, it can always surprise anyone.
37:30They roll and lean a lot, but they grip and they can get a move on.
37:34So it'll be interesting to see what the Stig does with the Laguna.
37:39Crucially, the Laguna was the first car ever to win a maximum five stars in the respective Euro NCAP crash tests.
37:46It uses clever technological gizmos, too, like keycard entry and onboard tire pressure monitors.
37:53All right, so the build quality is, er...
37:55Well, it's French, which isn't a good thing.
37:57But you've got to set against that the fact that it's loaded with technology.
38:01And it looks pretty good, it's distinctive, and a chance to drive something a little bit different in an otherwise boring type of car.
38:07So all in all, the Laguna makes a pretty good case for itself.
38:17Ford, of course, have and have had links with several teams, not all of them with big budgets.
38:23Their latest Mondeo, though, has a distinctive feeling of quality to it, inside and out.
38:30It is still an excellent drive, and as a true all-rounder, it has a lot to offer.
38:35But it is still a Mondeo.
38:38Toyota might be the newest team on the F1 grid with a huge budget, but their Aventis is the oldest car here.
38:44It's also ugly, and worst of all, it's endlessly reliable, so you'll have to suffer millions of boring miles in it before it'll have the decency to lie down and die.
38:55And those miles will be spent in an interior that's only going to become even shinier and nastier with age.
39:02It's got a good engine, though, so maybe the Stig will like it, but it will be starting from the back of the grid.
39:07Jaguar haven't exactly been shy about spending money on F1.
39:11They got through skitloads of it, and it's only just showing signs of starting to pay off.
39:16So how will their cheapest car be?
39:21As in F1, the Jag has one of the most powerful engines,
39:24so we've got a 2-litre V6 with 157 brake horsepower, 0-60 in 8.9 seconds.
39:31Unlike F1, though, the Jag isn't blighted by any particular handling problems,
39:37and that's despite this being the cheapie with just two-wheel drive at the front,
39:41rather than four-wheel drive in the rest of the X-Type range.
39:45This 20 grand X-Type is Jaguar's attempt to get an affordable, prestige car onto the sales rep's shopping list.
39:53Where it all gets a bit miserable and miserly is kit.
39:56This sat-nav with its touchscreen operation is gorgeous!
39:59You don't get that, and you don't get the 32 other optional extras fitted to this car.
40:06In fact, when you strip it back to basics, you don't get much Jag for 20 grand.
40:12It's a very good car, the entry-level X-Type, and I like it.
40:16And it might be small, but it's enough Jag for anyone.
40:19And there's the problem. It's enough Jag.
40:22You don't want enough Jag. You want much, much more than enough Jag.
40:26There's something, for me, of the rather annoying social climber about a small, cheap Jaguar.
40:32Mercedes really haven't enjoyed the best of years in F1.
40:42Usually renowned for their engines, it never quite measured up to the car's handling.
40:46So it's interesting that they've put new motors in the C-Class.
40:50From now on, all two-litre C-Classes will come with a supercharger, which they kind of need.
40:55It's a heavy car.
40:56But will that be enough to help it take on its arch-rival, the BMW 3 Series?
41:01If you took Ferrari out of the equation, and plenty of teams would like you to, BMW would have been left as the best in the season.
41:08They've got the most powerful engine. They just need a bit of extra research and development.
41:12Or rather, their F1 partners, Williams, do.
41:17Because this season, the best engine on the grid has been let down by the car's handling.
41:22In fact, it's the complete opposite of the F1 cars.
41:26The handling's great. The BMW, they're good.
41:28But power, well, it's well behind the rest of the pack, with just 143 brake horsepower.
41:33It's heavy, too. So 60 miles an hour takes 9.3 seconds.
41:37I'm being left behind.
41:41As the third of our affordable prestige cars, again, they're stingy with kit.
41:46And it's the only one with something of an image problem.
41:48When did you last smile at a BMW driver?
41:52It does start to catch up a bit with handling.
41:54I mean, it's rear-wheel drive, so obviously that's good fun.
41:57And it grips, and the suspension setup is fantastic.
42:00So it should do pretty well on the track.
42:07Just one more car before we're ready to rearrange the grid.
42:12Honda have had a disappointingly mediocre sort of a season, really.
42:16Certainly a long way from their glory days in F1.
42:19Meanwhile, back in the real world, they've launched the new Accord.
42:22It's never enjoyed the most glamorous of profiles, the Honda Accord.
42:34The words fuddy and duddy regularly attached to it.
42:37They're not as posh as a Beamer or a Jag, but they're not as everyday as a Renault Laguna or a Ford Mondeo.
42:43They're certainly well enough put together, and the interior of the new one reflects that.
42:47It's still not exactly exciting.
42:50It's certainly not down on power.
42:52With a two-litre VTEC engine, there's 155 brake horsepower, which places it pretty near the front of the field.
43:00So it's got plenty of kit, it's got prestige.
43:03In fact, unlike F1, the Accord is a world of compromise.
43:07So here it is, our starting grid, rating according to real life.
43:10And at the very back, the Toyota.
43:12It's old, it's ugly, and it's boring.
43:14Surprised that the Mercedes C-Class doesn't make it any further forward.
43:17It's a handsome car, but you get nothing for your money, and it's not the best drive.
43:21The Laguna's five-star crash test rating and good looks bring it up to here,
43:25but the interior build quality and drive are a bit bleh.
43:28The Jag, well, it's nice to get a Jag for not much money, but you don't get any kit on it.
43:32And then here, the benchmark.
43:33It may be the Milton Keynes Special, but the Mondeo is still one of the best in the class.
43:37Well-built and a good drive.
43:39Also with an image problem, the BMW 3 Series, but it is rear-wheel drive and very well-built.
43:44And then at the very front of the pack, if only to give it a sporting chance, the new Honda Accord.
43:48That's how we rate them, but will that have any bearing on what the Stig reckons when he gets to grips with them?
43:54It's going to be a different kind of F1.
43:56There's seven cars and only one Stig.
43:58So it's the Honda, then, is it?
44:01Yeah, it's got to be. In the real world, it's all about compromise, isn't it?
44:04And it's just right between the BMW and the Ford.
44:06You've got a bit of prestige, enough kit, and a good engine, that VTEC.
44:09It is brilliant. And, of course, reliable. They are very well-made.
44:12But, of course, if you want to specialise, let's be honest, if you want a safe car, you're going to buy the Renault Laguna.
44:17Yeah, you would.
44:18If you want to show off to the neighbours, you're going to buy a Mercedes C-Class.
44:21Yeah, if you want to take a mini cab and you're going to buy the Toyota, aren't you?
44:24Exactly. Of course, most important thing we've got to do now, sensible stuff out of the way, which is the fastest.
44:30Yeah, time to see what the Stig did.
44:34Unlike its Formula One sister, the Jaguar has a good engine and a good chassis.
44:39But it turned out to be the slowest, probably not helped by a rather sulky traction control system.
44:45The hateful Toyota Avensis and the handsome Renault Laguna were about the same.
44:52And both were narrowly beaten by a favourite in the real world, the Honda Accord.
44:57The next car the Stig tried was the Ford Mondea.
45:04We all knew it had a wonderful chassis, but everyone was surprised when it turned out to be a full three seconds faster than the Honda.
45:12That leaves us with the two Germans. The C-Class Mercedes, supercharged with 20 more brake horsepower than the Ford.
45:19But amazingly, it was nearly two seconds slower.
45:26So can German pride be restored by the ultimate driving machine, the BMW 318i?
45:32Rear-wheel drive, perfect weight distribution, and an astonishing result.
45:40It was, right, a full two seconds slower than the Ford. Slower.
45:45So that's it, the Mondeo is the quick one to have.
45:47I don't know, maybe they've got all their race car engineers at Ford working on the road car and the T-Boys making the race car.
45:53It is, that is amazing. And I'll tell you something else that's amazing.
45:56Most weeks, the guests come on, and then as soon as their chat's over, they're in their limos and back up to London.
46:02But I've just noticed over your shoulder, Steve Coogan, he's still here, hanging on to the bitter end.
46:09Goodnight.
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