- 1 year ago
Original Broadcast Date: October 15th 2014
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00I'll be right back.
00:30Thank you. Thank you.
00:38It's outrageous.
00:41I'd expect this sort of leftist rubbish from the age, but Pravda...
00:45I'd cancel my subscription, but this is Lee Sales' copy.
00:50Anyway, some nice news to start on.
00:53The Nobel Peace Prize was awarded on Friday night,
00:55which, for those of you who don't know,
00:57is the equivalent of the Dally M and the Brownlow.
01:00But in the less popular field of world peace.
01:03I didn't get to see any of the Count or the red carpet arrivals,
01:07but I can tell you that women's education campaigner Malala Yousafzai
01:10and children's rights activist Kailis Satyathi were joint winners.
01:14So congratulations to both of them.
01:17For mine, it was a little bit politically correct, I think.
01:20I think the judges could have been a little more adventurous, is what I'm saying,
01:24because there was a strong field of nominees there.
01:27We had leader of the Catholic Church, Pope Francis,
01:30topless fisherman Vladimir Putin,
01:32and US whistleblower Edward Snowden.
01:35And it's the failure of Snowden to win
01:37that's going to particularly disappoint his fellow countrymen,
01:40who endorsed him so resoundingly in this Nobel Prize campaign video.
01:44He's a traitor.
01:45I think he's a traitor.
01:46I think he's a traitor.
01:47He's a traitor.
01:48It's a nice try, but, you know, I...
01:50I guess you never know what the judges are looking for in any given year.
01:54Until, of course, Mr Snowden leaks those details.
01:57But enough of this talk of congratulations and peace.
02:01Let's talk about something that made me as mad as,
02:03I don't know, uh, hell.
02:06Ebola.
02:08Now, I'm happy to go on record as saying
02:10I don't mind nuclear waste coming here.
02:12I don't even mind Ron Moss coming here,
02:14providing, you know, it's for a limited season.
02:17But I do not want a foreign disease coming to our shores.
02:21I mean, for one thing, you don't know where it's been.
02:24And that's why I was delighted when federal MP Bob Catter
02:27came out and condemned aid worker Sue Ellen Kovac
02:30for returning home from a Red Cross mission in Sierra Leone
02:33and developing Ebola-like symptoms.
02:35He said, rightly, in my opinion,
02:37that she had allowed her humanitarian ambitions
02:40to be carried out at grave cost to Australia.
02:43Now, um, it turns out that Mrs Kovac tested negative for Ebola,
02:48but fortunately for us,
02:49that hasn't made any difference at all to Bob.
02:51I was anything but reassured by what the doctor said.
02:57In fact, I was deeply disturbed.
02:59I've been saying that for years.
03:01And like Bob, I'm not reassured by the namby-pamby measures
03:05announced by our health minister, Peter Dutton,
03:07for major tertiary hospitals
03:08or for the interviewing and screening of travellers
03:10from West African countries
03:12or increased identification and quarantining at airports.
03:15What about non-hospital and non-airport environments
03:18that are at risk here, like Parliament?
03:20I mean, the last people we want to see getting sick
03:22are our politicians.
03:23And my fear is that if everybody looks like this,
03:26they'll all have to go into the glassed-in area
03:28in the Visitor's Gallery,
03:29um, where the threat to their lives is even greater.
03:35Now, now Bob's suggested a quarantine holiday resort
03:40where they can have a beaut, terrific holiday there
03:44for three weeks.
03:44When they come home, it'll be a very nice thing for them.
03:47Now, personally, I think Bob's gone too far here
03:50suggesting an Ebola holiday.
03:52Or Ebola day, as I like to call it.
03:55Let's face it, the last thing we want to do in this country
03:58is encourage selfish humanitarians like Sue Ellen Kovac
04:01by offering them a chance to go on a beaut, terrific,
04:03nice, all-expenses-paid holiday
04:05because that's what got them into this trouble in the first place.
04:08Mind you, I also don't want to be too rough on Bob.
04:11He had a tough enough time last week on Q&A
04:13with my friend Josh Thomas.
04:15And, uh, I don't just mean trying to...
04:16I don't just mean trying to understand his accent.
04:20Add to that, the grilling he got last year
04:22from my other good friend, Charlie Pickering.
04:24And I think you'll agree that Bob deserves a break
04:26from all this journalistic hardball.
04:28I only hope he never appears on the living room.
04:34Mainly because I don't really want to see his house.
04:37But all this does raise the interesting question
04:40of what Australia is doing about the Ebola crisis,
04:42not just here, but abroad.
04:44Medicine and some frontiers say we should do more than send money
04:47and highlights the fact that the US have sent 3,000 troops over there.
04:50But, you know, we're not in a position to send troops.
04:53All right, yes, yes, of course we've sent troops to Iraq,
04:56but that's different.
04:57The airstrike targets are much bigger.
04:59The precision bombing required to hit a microscopic organism
05:03like Ebola is just beyond the Super Hornet's capability.
05:07Anyway, the federal government are sending a lot of money over there.
05:10$18 million.
05:11That's almost as much as they paid to secure the filming
05:14of the fifth Pirates of the Caribbean movie in Queensland.
05:17Mind you, not everybody's happy with that decision either.
05:20There have been some pre-production problems
05:22because apparently Operation Sovereign Borders
05:24keeps turning around Jack Sparrow's ship
05:26and towing it back out to Disneyland.
05:28That's a great film.
05:33Good series.
05:35Personally, I can't wait for its release.
05:37It'll be a cracker.
05:39No, no.
05:45No, no, I said, sorry.
05:47No, I said cracker and I was talking about the release
05:49of Pirates of the Caribbean.
05:51It wasn't a cue for you.
05:52Oh, sorry.
05:54No, it's all right.
05:55It's all right.
05:55Easy enough a mistake to make.
05:57How's your work?
06:01So, still in Queensland now
06:04and onto something now
06:06that we should all be the opposite of mad as hell about.
06:09Pleased as punch.
06:11Now, as you know, Brisbane is hosting the G20 Summit next month
06:14and last week, almost 800 people took part
06:16in a role-play training exercise
06:18to perfect getting the world leaders off their planes,
06:21into motorcades and onto their hotels.
06:23The simulation enabled police and security personnel
06:25the opportunity to experience what it might be like
06:28to have someone important arrive at Brisbane Airport.
06:31PC Ileana Drew,
06:33you took part in an exercise playing German Chancellor Angela Merkel, I'm told.
06:37How did it go?
06:39Oh, look, it was fine, Sean.
06:40I've done a bit of acting before.
06:41I played Christine Lagarde at the Finance Summit preparations last month.
06:45So, yeah, it was fine.
06:46Of the two roles, I probably preferred Christine,
06:49but I enjoyed bringing life to Angela
06:51and I think it was a good performance.
06:53All right.
06:53Well, I meant the training.
06:54How did the training go?
06:57Oh, I see.
06:58Yeah, well, mostly I just watch YouTube of Angela
07:00just to get her walk down.
07:02I have the accent done already
07:05because I had played Mrs Peachum in the Sroppery Opera
07:07way back in high school.
07:09So, actually, I brought in some photos.
07:12Do you want to see?
07:13Yes, sure.
07:14Oh, yeah, OK.
07:16Yeah, so as I say,
07:17I think I did a really good job as Angela,
07:19but obviously the Christine Lagarde role
07:21was a more natural fit for someone with my figure.
07:26Also taking part in the training exercise
07:28was Junior Constable Adrian Quist.
07:31Adrian, you played a suspected terrorist
07:33who just turns out to be an employee in the food court.
07:37I did, Sean, yeah.
07:38Yeah, a falafel hut.
07:39But I've got to say that my performance
07:41was nowhere near as convincing as Ileana's.
07:43I was blown away, Ileana.
07:45You were just fantastic.
07:47You stepped off that aircraft and waved and that.
07:50Oh, thank you.
07:51You were so sweet.
07:52But really, I was just channeling her
07:54and I just became her.
07:56But the really hard part was in the costume
07:57and I've really got to thank my friend Miriam
07:59who's actually in the audience tonight
08:01because if it wasn't for her unsuccessful audition,
08:04I wouldn't be sitting here.
08:05So, where is she?
08:07Oh, there she is.
08:08She actually auditioned for the Christine Lagarde role
08:12and didn't get it.
08:15So, that is two I owe you, Miri.
08:18You bitch.
08:18If you hadn't slept with the head of operations in Cairns,
08:21you'd still be head of the road safety school in Rockhampton.
08:24Look at me.
08:25I'm fucking her, Christine Lagarde.
08:27You're a fucking mole.
08:28That's what you fucking are.
08:30No, no, hey, hey, no, no, no.
08:31You keep it to yourself, Snowy.
08:33I've seen Aquamarine.
08:34You can't act for shit.
08:36That's...
08:36Yes, thanks, Tony.
08:41That's Tony, our AFP officer, ladies and gentlemen.
08:43Thank you very much, Tony.
08:45Yeah.
08:45Well done.
08:50Just doing my job.
08:51Nobody disparages your acting on my watch and gets away with it.
08:54Well, thank you.
08:55We appreciate it.
08:56And, you know, it was getting dangerous up here and you stepped in.
08:58So, well done.
08:59Now, another role of yours from the old days that I really loved was Poyta.
09:04Poyta!
09:05More names!
09:05Poyta!
09:06Classic.
09:07Oh, thank you.
09:08No, but that was actually Eric Banner.
09:11While I was going through your dressing room, I found these pants.
09:16Can I have them?
09:19Well, they're actually my jeans that I wear in to, you know, wear them in and change into...
09:24They're actually my personal clothing.
09:26Sweet.
09:26Can I maybe get you to autograph them at some stage?
09:34Sure, we'll see what we can do after the show, Tony.
09:38Cool.
09:42Of course, security for the G20 is not just about pretending the world leaders have arrived.
09:47There's also the question of what we do with them once they actually have.
09:50Shirt fronting aside.
09:51How do we, a bunch of backwater hicks with the sophistication of banjo-playing pinheads,
09:57get over our cultural cringe and hold our own in front of the international media?
10:02The first thing you do is make sure your Prime Minister is seen behind the heavily tinted bulletproof impregno glass
10:07of a brand new armoured car befitting a global statesman.
10:10But it's not a statesman that Mr Abbott has picked.
10:13In yet another blow to our non-existent local car industry,
10:16the government has replaced its current fleet of Holdens with $6.2 million worth of German-built BMWs.
10:23Yes.
10:24Now, I'm not a head of state, but $6.2 million does sound like a lot of money.
10:30I can understand the need for Mr Abbott to have a bomb-proof car,
10:33but does it have to be brand new?
10:37What's wrong with this second-hand 2013 model,
10:41previously owned by Kevin Rudd?
10:46Apparently it was like that when he got it from Julia.
10:52Too soon?
10:52Too soon?
10:54Time now to hear from a Labour leader happier to attack those outside his party.
10:59Here's Bill Shorten with another touche moment.
11:01This time he's got his sights set on our Prime Minister
11:03for deciding our submarines should be manufactured offshore.
11:07Torpedo Tony has torpedoed the Australian shipbuilding industry.
11:18Torpedo Tony, that's going to stick.
11:20Time now, though, like our submarine industry, to go overseas.
11:24Yes, we may no longer have an Asia service,
11:26but that doesn't mean we're not interested in news from countries that aren't Australia.
11:30News from countries that aren't Australia is brought to you by
11:33Colotto Hams and the international board game version of The Slap.
11:37Well, to Rome now, everyone's favourite godfather, Pope Francis, has gotten together with his favourite bishops.
11:46For a synod, which, for those of you who don't know, a synod is a kind of triennial lollapalooza for the Catholic Church.
11:58Now, because this story skews a bit old and the ABC are paranoid about losing the few remaining under-25s who watch the station,
12:04I'm handballing this one to Triple J Podcast Compiler for the hack, Spackfill of Ol.
12:10Yeah, cool. Thanks, Grandpa.
12:12So, like, 200 of the Pope's besties flew in from all over the globe for a kind of two-week intervention,
12:18which they're calling, like, the synod of the families.
12:20Like, this big conference on the Catholic Church's attitudes to marriage, homosexuality and sex, right?
12:25So, like, it's a super big deal for these guys.
12:28Like, if the Vatican was an FM radio station, like, it'd be called Cocktober.
12:34Back to you, Grant.
12:36Thank you very much, Spackfiller.
12:38But there's been a lot of criticism about the fact that elderly celibate men are deciding the future of the family life of their flock.
12:44A fair criticism, Cardinal Makepeace?
12:46Yes, we are elderly, absolutely we are men.
12:50But the miracle of the internet means that I can log on to chat roulette as necrogirl69 wearing a bear mask
12:59and learn all manner of things about what it is to be young and in touch with one's yearnings.
13:05Six hours on red tube as I was today.
13:09I think I'm pretty much up to speed about lovemaking between at least two people.
13:15You don't think that you actually need to experience physical love in order to...
13:20Just because we are men of the cloth talking about sex
13:24doesn't make this whole exercise like something out of a carry-on film.
13:28Yes, I know, that's what I said to you myself.
13:31Oh, I'm so sorry I didn't realise there's anyone here.
13:35What are you doing here messing around with all this?
13:38You're auditioning for a part?
13:39Let's hope it's not a small part.
13:43No, sorry, I don't want to be a pest,
13:45but just the Pope told me to come in here and try and find the lower half of this.
13:49And if I did find it, I was to try and screw it on to the bottom.
13:53Oh, yes, I know, it's disgusting.
13:57Still, I can't seem to see it anywhere here,
13:59so I'll just tell him he's going to be short-staffed this week.
14:05Yes, well, I can't linger, you know, because he's waiting.
14:08So, bone of a candia, everybody.
14:11Bone of a candia.
14:13Oh, yes.
14:19Well, maybe we should get out a bit more.
14:23Spackfiller, you're young and immersed in the zeitgeist.
14:25Would you be interested in spending some time with the Cardinal?
14:29Whatevs, yeah. Totes.
14:31Ooh.
14:31Because I'm happy, I'm home.
14:38You feel like a moon without a roof.
14:41Because I'm happy, I'm home.
14:44You feel like happiness is the truth.
14:47Because I'm happy, I'm alone.
14:50You know what happiness is to you.
14:53Because I'm happy, I'm alone.
14:55If you know what happiness is to you.
14:59Because I'm happy, I'm alone.
15:01If you feel like that's what you want to do.
15:09Yeah, it's nice to have a good story now and again, isn't it?
15:13Well, a lot of poo-poo, nay-saying Mirandas out there
15:15predicted that Australia would spend much of the Asian century
15:18being repeatedly mauled by tiger economies.
15:21Well, it's time for critics of the way we do business here
15:23to get out their knives and forks
15:24and spread mustard on their hats
15:26because this week, the IMF declared us
15:29as having only the second worst jobless rate
15:31in the Asia-Pacific region.
15:336.2%.
15:34What's our secret?
15:35Well, apparently, an estimated 35% of our workforce
15:38are on casual and fixed-term contracts.
15:41So, our underemployment figures
15:42are masking how bad our unemployment figures are.
15:45Wendell Vestibule has been underemployed
15:47for the past six months
15:49and wants to work more hours, don't you, Wendell?
15:51Oh, yeah, absolutely, Sean.
15:52At the moment, I'm only working about a minute a week
15:54Wendell, this is a bit dull.
15:57I think we have some overlay of you working
15:58to look at while you're talking.
16:00Oh, yes.
16:00Well, that's me when I used to work
16:02at the Fancy Muffin in Carlton.
16:04Yes.
16:04Oh, can I say that on the ABC?
16:06If you could hurry it along, you're being very tedious.
16:08Right, well, my boss said, with things being how they are,
16:11he could only afford to employ me for the one-minute shift,
16:14which is hardly worthwhile getting the taxi.
16:16And so you work the 60 seconds there
16:19and then you're off, presumably, to the taxi,
16:22which is still waiting by the curb for you to take you home?
16:24Yeah, that's pretty much it, Sean.
16:25Yes, Employment Minister Eric Abetz
16:31has reduced the number of job applications
16:33expected of the unemployed from 40 a month to 20.
16:36The Prime Minister explained that this wasn't a backflip.
16:39The only fair income consultations
16:41are consultations that can and do result in some refinements.
16:47Mr Abetz, too, preferred to think of it as a refinement.
16:50And I believe we have some vision here
16:51of Senator Abetz putting the finishing touches
16:53to that refinement.
17:05And the reason for this 50% refinement
17:08in the job application number?
17:10We do understand that for business,
17:14it would be a burden.
17:15Thing from the Employment Minister's office,
17:17Sloppy Joe moment.
17:18Would this really have been that big a burden?
17:21Well, processing that deluge of applications
17:23would have been an enormous strain on businesses, Sean.
17:26Well, what would have happened, do you think,
17:27if the 40 applications had gone through?
17:29Well, businesses just wouldn't have the admin numbers
17:31to cope with it.
17:32They'd have to employ extra staff.
17:33So employ people previously unemployed?
17:35Yes.
17:36Yes, I can see the problem.
17:37And what happens then is you've got fewer people unemployed,
17:40so fewer job applications are coming through.
17:42You don't need the extra staff you put on,
17:44so you sack them,
17:45and the bloody job applications start flooding in again.
17:47And what happens then?
17:49What happens then is you've got fewer people unemployed,
17:52so fewer job applications coming through.
17:54You don't need the extra staff you put on,
17:55so you sack them,
17:56and the bloody job applications start flooding in again.
17:59And what happens then?
18:00What happens then is you've got fewer people unemployed,
18:02so fewer job applications coming through.
18:04You don't need the extra staff you put on,
18:06so you sack them,
18:07and the bloody job applications start flooding in again.
18:09And what happens then?
18:10What happens then is you've got fewer people unemployed,
18:13so fewer jobs are coming through.
18:14you don't need the extra staff you put on, so you sack them
18:17and the bloody job applications start flooding in again.
18:19And it'd get repetitive, wouldn't it?
18:21That's why we cut it back from 40 to 20.
18:25But whatever the state of the job market in reality,
18:29if you're living in Victoria, it's not all bad news.
18:31With an election looming, the state government there
18:33has thrown down the gauntlet to Labor,
18:35promising to provide training for nearly one billion Victorians.
18:39You watch them, though.
18:44The first thing they do once they get back in will be break that promise.
18:50But at the end of the day, figures prove nothing,
18:52particularly if they come from the Australian Bureau of Statistics.
18:55Australia's reputation as a credible source of financial data
18:58has been put at risk by problems that the ABS are blaming on funding cuts
19:02and the Treasurer is blaming on Labor.
19:04But either way, they meant that...
19:06ABS job numbers suddenly went haywire about three months ago,
19:10lurching from one extreme to the other month by month.
19:14It's just not good enough, is it, Arnold Boy band from the ABS?
19:18No, absolutely not, Sean.
19:20It's an embarrassment for all of us here at the Australian Bureau of Statistics.
19:25Last...
19:25LAUGHTER
19:26Last month's figures showed jobs rising by 120,000.
19:31Yeah, yeah, that's right, Sean, and it set off alarm bells
19:33because it was the biggest monthly rise since 1798.
19:37Yes, 1978.
19:39Is it?
19:40Oh, well...
19:41Well, that's not too bad.
19:42That's only 29 years, so...
19:44It's 36.
19:46Yeah, if you want to...
19:48But the revised number you've just issued is just 81,000.
19:52That's a long way from 120,000.
19:55Yeah, it's...
19:55It's what?
19:56It's 14,500 less, so...
20:0039,000.
20:01Seasonally adjusted, it's closer to 39,000.
20:04And how confident are you that the ABS can get on top of this quickly?
20:07I'm extremely confident, Sean.
20:10When you say extremely, do you mean not at all?
20:12Seasonally adjusted, it would be closer to not at all, yes.
20:14LAUGHTER
20:14Well, still to come...
20:17Trees shoot up in spring.
20:20Rumours of corruption.
20:22Dog winner of World's Loveliest Thai Contest.
20:25And Vladimir Putin's hotel room prepared in anticipation of his G20 visit.
20:34LAUGHTER
20:34LAUGHTER
20:35LAUGHTER
20:37LAUGHTER
20:38LAUGHTER
20:39Oh, no, no, no!
20:40It's actually...
20:41Just get it out, get it out, now.
20:43It's better than vomiting in the cabinet.
20:44Now, our Prime Ministers have, historically speaking, always kept an eye on the ABC.
20:50John Howard used to watch Sea Change every week.
20:53Bob Hawke was a big fan of Tractor Monkeys.
20:56And Paul Keating never missed an episode of Keating the Interviews.
20:59LAUGHTER
21:00I was surprised to learn that our current Prime Minister, Mr Abbott, watches Late Line.
21:05Now, in case you haven't seen the show, here's a sample.
21:08Are you going to allow me to answer the question...
21:09Are you going to allow me to answer the question...
21:11Of this kind of...
21:12No, if you wanted a one-day discussion...
21:15I think you're the one who wanted the one-way discussion.
21:17You did not necessarily have to invite me.
21:18I am asking you legitimate questions...
21:19You're asking the question...
21:20...which you have obviously...
21:21...beating for a particular response.
21:22...come here...
21:23No, you've come to push a particular view.
21:25No, I've come here to ask you answers so you can...
21:29Because you're not getting the answer you want, I'm answering the question.
21:30I just want...
21:31In many cases, I just want a yes or no.
21:34The PM was impressed when he saw that, even taking to the airwaves the next day to say,
21:39I think she spoke for our country last night.
21:42It's rare praise for the ABC, isn't it, Thora Aubergine?
21:45Media analyst from Skates University...
21:47Well, it is, and it's quite possibly a sign that the Prime Minister has got a police in Australia
21:51not letting some of these more radical voices go on challenge in the community.
21:54He's now on all the Team Australia buss, I don't think one of you like this is going to
21:58under years of perceived bias from the national broadcasts, and neither do I think it will
22:02save it for some fairly severe funding cuts from very near future, but I think he appreciates
22:06that two people talking at the same time, presumably he thinks it's more efficient, as a way being
22:10two points of view across simultaneously, so I'm certainly hoping that he thoroughly enjoys
22:15our exchange tonight, and offers a similar compliment about our show.
22:18Thora Aubergine, thanks for coming in.
22:20My pleasure.
22:27Of course, the host of Late Line is the Walkley-nominated journalist Emma Albarici.
22:33Like me, she takes her job at the news desk very seriously, and like me, doesn't expect
22:38the fact that she's a woman to mean anything when it comes to assessing her ability.
22:42So there was a little bit of lefty whinging about our Prime Minister, using the word feisty
22:48to describe her interviewing skills.
22:50Now, I don't think there's anything sexist about calling a woman feisty.
22:54If a woman is assertive and says something you don't like, she's bossy, and if she's
22:58assertive and says something you do like, she's feisty.
23:00It's a compliment, easily as applicable to a man as a woman.
23:05Feistiness is as admirable a quality in an interviewer as being spunky, or pert, or a
23:10little madam.
23:11Words that could apply as much to Tony Jones as Emma Albarici.
23:16It's time for women to reclaim the word feisty as their own, and if they can't, allow me
23:22to reclaim it for them.
23:25Each week I'll be presenting a feisty for excellence in a man's recognition of a sassy
23:31lady who says something he agrees with.
23:34And tonight I'm awarding it to myself for retweeting Senator Sarah Hansen-Young's tweets saying
23:40how much she enjoyed last week's show.
23:42So thanks very much, sir, but right now it's time for...
23:49I feel wrong accepting that applause, I was only lip-syncing.
24:06Well, after weeks of preparation, planning, blood tests, and final signatures, it's official.
24:12We've gotten into bed with America in Iraq, and after a few attempts, we as a woman now.
24:18But as the initial flush drains from our cheeks, and we realise that war is not all
24:24the romantic fun as it is in films like Platoon and Apocalypse Now, we must ask the question
24:29that is at the forefront of our minds as Australians every single moment of the day.
24:33How does this affect our hip pocket?
24:36Now, our finance minister, Matthias Cormann, when asked whether the war might have to be
24:41paid for by increasing taxes, gave a definite I'm not sure.
24:44I'm not going to rule anything in or rule anything out.
24:47Our prime minister, though, was a little less certain about that perhapsness.
24:51Can you rule out any tax increases or tax hikes to pay for the conflict?
24:58Yes, I can.
24:59So, where is the money going to come from?
25:01The budget is stalled, there's no new tax, and we've got a deficit growing faster than
25:06a chicken on oestrogen.
25:07Perhaps we need to close our corporate tax loopholes, which apparently cost this country
25:128.4 billion dollars a year, which is about fifteen times what a six-month war will cost
25:16us.
25:17But then again, as our finance minister said...
25:19Our anti-avoidance laws in Australia are among the toughest in the world.
25:23See, it's something that will be looked at, though, at the G20 leaders' summer.
25:26When did finance minister spokesman Darius Horsham?
25:29Sure, we'll look at it, if we were all economic girly men.
25:33There is a rumour that some of our top 200 companies pay only 10 cents in the dollar.
25:39It's not a rumour!
25:41How do we pay for the war, for the paid parental leave scheme, the school chaplaincy programme,
25:47as well as things we actually need?
25:49Let me tell you the forecast.
25:51A freeze is coming.
25:53We will rain an endless winter on the ABC, even Qantas, too, in the submarine industry,
25:59and the chisel-eating dole-pludges, and the sick and the elderly.
26:02Only the strong will survive.
26:05Thank you very much indeed, Darius.
26:07Fantastic.
26:08But how do we pay for the war?
26:11If not by new taxes or fixing up the old ones, maybe we need to quietly euthanise a few of
26:16the government's pet programmes.
26:17For example, the school chaplaincy scheme.
26:20It's going to cost taxpayers a quarter of a billion dollars.
26:23It has about half the cost of the war, with that money going mainly to Christian missionary groups.
26:27Yes, the programme's come in for criticism for being non-secular, but is it really as bad an idea as it obviously is?
26:33And should such a socially divisive and costly programme be implemented when others, like paid parental leave, are just as unpopular and even more expensive?
26:41Bay Whittle spoke with the newly pointed head of the NSCP selection committee.
26:47All very easy to make your snide little jokes about the chaplaincy programme, particularly on undergraduate ABC shows like yours.
26:57But if you left it up to whoever was leading Labor this time last year, we'd have had our kids' secular student well-being being seen to by a bunch of touchy-feely, bleeding-heart social workers.
27:07Well, who should they be touched up and felt by?
27:10Well, don't judge all of Christianity on the evidence you hear at a Royal Commission.
27:14Not everyone who believes in God is a nutcase.
27:17And it's not just about spirituality.
27:19Scripture Union, Generate Ministries and Access Bible Zoom distributors are also about indoctrinating our kids in the right sort of ethics, values and the acceptable relationships.
27:30But if you...
27:31I mean, have an open mind about something for once in your life, for f**k's sake!
27:34Vomitoria has invited me to sit in on the auditions.
27:38The winner will receive one year's chaplaincy at Leftover Primary School in the Adelaide suburb of Mons.
27:45Also on the judging panel is her PA and toy boy, Tony.
27:52No.
27:53The selection process is brutal.
27:55Because I'm happy...
27:57No!
27:58Haile haile!
28:00No!
28:01The lion shall lay down with a lamb, and together they shall spoon!
28:05No!
28:06No!
28:07No!
28:08No!
28:09No!
28:10No!
28:11In the end, it is 37-year-old Ken Darby who is chosen to be chaplain.
28:24Married with two children and describing himself as a semi-regular churchgoer, he has a degree in child psychology.
28:30He's a moderate, non-proslytising expert with qualifications for the job.
28:37I mean, his faith is at best a marginal requirement.
28:40Alright.
28:41Belinda.
28:42What seems to be the trouble?
28:44The sow is mine.
28:46Now, Belinda, I think the sow is for everybody.
28:50Late line wouldn't touch that, that'd be too gutless.
28:55Well, not coming up because Media Circus is premiering.
28:59IS denying children rights by training them as jihadist fighters.
29:05And US allowing children freedom by allowing them Second Amendment rights.
29:10Plus, Emperor Palpatine plots his return to rule the Galactic Empire.
29:16And half our coat of arms fighting with itself, a telling metaphor of Australia at the moment.
29:23And finally, for any media study students watching with exams coming up, a quick lesson in TV journalism from SBS News.
29:31Emphasising the importance of research to top quality news reporting.
29:37Food.
29:41Yep.
29:44Yes, you certainly don't get that sort of insight from Wikipedia.
29:47Goodbye.
29:49Don't, baby.
29:53Shall I make it out to you?
29:55Yes, please.
Comments