- 1 year ago
Original Broadcast Date: November 12th 2014
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:001, 2, 3, 4
00:30Thank you very much, thank you, look, now, I've got to start the show, you know, because it's the beginning and everything, but like most of you out there, I'm as excited as all get out this week, the G20 starts Friday, and like anyone in this country who's ever thrown a party for people more important than them, we're all petrified, we'll embarrass ourselves.
00:59Now, of course, we're doing all the usual things that people do at regular everyday parties, setting up exclusion zones, establishing 24-hour courts, and issuing security warnings about cyber attacks and illegal phone hacking.
01:14Mind you, AGO's allowed to do pretty much whatever it wants under its new police power, so there's not much the delegates can do.
01:19My only advice is that if you are there looking for free Wi-Fi, I would avoid using AFP Intel Gathering, and maybe stick to Gloria Jeans.
01:29Of course, the big worry for anyone throwing a party is what happens if you have to deal with some troublemaker who's trying to pick a fight, particularly if that troublemaker is the host.
01:38Well, that's one thing we don't have to worry about. The White House and Germany, who are sort of the mum and dad of the G20, had a word to Mr Abbott and told him to pull his head in, and make sure he welcomes Mr Putin when he turns up.
01:53So, unfortunately, anyone who was going to Brisbane for Shirt Front 2014 this Friday, it's attractive and we're all very interested, but the bad news is that it was moved to the APEC conference in Beijing yesterday.
02:10Now, at APEC, things can get a lot uglier than at the G20, and I'm not just talking about the shirts.
02:19And while I don't know exactly what ended up happening in Beijing, I don't read the papers.
02:26I understand that Mr Abbott and Mr Putin tried to see each other, but couldn't because of the smog.
02:33So, if Shirt Fronting's off the table at the G20, what is there left for everyone to talk about? Federal Government Party Planner, Yana Ninebottles.
02:42Well, Sean, in terms of no-nos, there are two things you should never talk about in polite company. Politics and religion. So, that rules out the Ukraine and IS.
02:50And we don't need to talk about climate change either, because we sorted all that out with our direct action plan, so really, that just leaves economics.
02:57It's a bit dull, isn't it?
02:58Oh, and talking about your money is so go, Sean. I mean, no-one likes to be lectured to, particularly by Australians, about how unaffected we were by the GFC.
03:05I'm surprised Julia Gillard got out of Mexico alive when she tried it in 2010.
03:10Typical Labour.
03:11But what we can talk about in the G20, though, is other people's money. Luxembourg, for example, is the perfect country to talk about behind its back.
03:19A haven for global tax fraud and international money laundering. I mean, you only have to look at their coat of arms.
03:25Yes.
03:25Two lions looking around furtively as they try and sneak off with an expensive-looking shield and a jewel-encrusted gold crown.
03:34I mean, what a giveaway. I'd be putting that at the very top of the G20 agenda.
03:39Thanks very much, Yana. Yana is quite right.
03:41This week saw the greatest ever leak of Luxembourg tax scheme details, exposing the arrangements used by hundreds of Australian companies
03:48to avoid paying the 30% company tax rate and thus minimising their tax bills.
03:53IKEA's Australian arm, for example, had paid less than 1% tax over the last 12 years.
03:59Davey Plum, tax consultant to IKEA Australia, how have you done it?
04:03Sean, it's an elaborate and perfectly legal web of shell companies, hybrid debt structures, internal loans and royalty payments.
04:09And royalty payments, all right? And how much involvement did IKEA have in this?
04:15Oh, they just gave me the basics and I had to put it together myself. It took f***ing ages.
04:20Well, trying to follow the money trail from here to overseas, it's extraordinarily labyrinthine and full of seeming dead ends.
04:28Where did that idea come from?
04:29I don't know. It just came to me one day when I was walking around an Ikea store.
04:34Thank you very much indeed, Davey.
04:39One thing we have sorted out, though, just in time for it to hopefully not be raised at the G20,
04:44is our commitment to ridding the world of Ebola.
04:47Although, in truth, it was mainly to get Bono off our backs.
04:50Anyway, it's the topic of tonight's Mad as Health.
04:54Got a bad case of loving you.
05:00That's right, Ebola virus, if you're watching.
05:02I got some bad news for you. The Australians are coming.
05:06In an administrative capacity via a private healthcare provider outsourced by government
05:10to set up hospital infrastructure and organise HR.
05:13So your days are numbered, my friend.
05:15Yes, the world has asked Australia for help repeatedly and we have responded with a $20 million commitment
05:21to set up a 100-bed treatment facility.
05:24That's $200,000 a bed.
05:28Let me tell you, you can get a pretty good bed for $200,000 these days, particularly if it's an antique.
05:32And just to put that $20 million we're spending on foreigners into some sort of perspective,
05:43that's about how much we would normally spend in a year on ads to keep them away from our country in the first place.
05:48Now, Professor Harold Hill from River City Medical, you missed out on the government contract to set up the hospital in Sierra Leone.
05:59We did, sir, that is true.
06:00But let me tell you, it's always brightest before the dawn.
06:02And if on that little old virus comes a knock-knock knocking on our door from Asia or Papua New Guinea
06:06or even the great state of Tasmania, well then, my friend, we got trouble.
06:11Yeah, yeah, all right, no, no, no, we're not, we're not, that's fine, that's fine, that's fine.
06:14Never mind that.
06:14I just wanted to ask you about the difference between $20 million being spent by, say, an NGO
06:19or even the military using OZMAT personnel versus a private company like yours
06:24that obviously needs to make some sort of commercial profit.
06:26Well, that's a mighty fine question, my very good friend, because unless we help out, we got trouble with a T.
06:31Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fine, that's fine for me.
06:33But isn't throwing this $20 million at the problem just to distract the G20 leaders
06:38from the fact we haven't done anything to help out for the last six months?
06:41I anticipated your question, young lady.
06:43Yep.
06:43And allow me to enlighten you a little on the subject of distraction.
06:48Hmm?
06:49Yes.
07:05Well, Vice Rear Cabin Boy, Sir Bobo Gargle, why aren't we sending military personnel to help out in West Africa?
07:13Surely they'd be cheaper, given we don't pay them very much.
07:15Sean, our Navy has been very busy lately, recreating the flotilla of ships that left Albany in 1914 for the Great War, fighting Johnny Turk.
07:24Yes.
07:24Our planes are in Iraq, firing humanitarian missiles into what's left of the country,
07:29and our special forces are still waiting for visas in the United Arab Emirates.
07:33We can't be in more than three places at once.
07:36As for money, Senator Jackie Lambie has already said she's prepared to block all government legislation
07:42until the ADF gets a decent pay rise, even if it means splitting the Palmer United Party.
07:48Now, she's a former member of the ADF and knows the meaning of loyalty.
07:50But if she does split from her party, the United bit of Palmer United would be a nonsense, though, wouldn't it?
08:00Yeah.
08:00Certainly the Palmer Nonsense Party is more active.
08:04More pleasing to the ear, too.
08:07But what about Ms Lambie's suggestion that veterans should turn their backs on ministers
08:11who make speeches at Remembrance Day and Anzac Day ceremonies?
08:13Is that excessive, do you think, Dolly Norman?
08:16I beg your pardon, excuse me.
08:17Is that excessive, do you think, Dolly Norman?
08:20Sean, as Jackie's chief of staff, I can tell you that Jackie knows her military history.
08:27You fought for her back in 2003, didn't you, Bobos?
08:30In a bar in Launceston, yes.
08:34She hit me over the head with a bottle of Tia Maria.
08:38Turning your back was a common tactic used by the French during World War II
08:43to protest against the invading Germans.
08:47Although it was easier for them because they were running away at the time.
08:51Which is something Jackie would never do.
08:54Once she gets an idea in her head, she stands by it until it leaves.
09:01Has Jackie considered using her power as a member of the Senate to lobby for wage increase there,
09:07rather than just doing the equivalent of sitting in the corner and holding her breath?
09:10Yeah, well we will look at all the options, Sean, but at the moment, Bobo, the solution is simple.
09:17The wage increase is less than the inflation rate, okay?
09:20We believe that the government could deliberately engineer the inflation rate
09:25so that it is lower than the pay rise.
09:30Well, that'd require a very sophisticated re-engineering of our entire financial system
09:35by a masterful politician and economic strategist.
09:37Yeah, Dio Wang's looking into it.
09:42To hopefully clarify things, we're joined now by Mr Palmer from Melbourne,
09:46where he's putting the finishing touches on his Victorian election campaign launch.
09:50Mr Palmer, I know you don't suffer fools gladly,
09:53and I don't want this interview to end like so many others,
09:55so I won't be asking you any questions about your business dealings,
09:59or legal actions, or Rupert Murdoch, or anything that you may find offensive.
10:03So, first up, may I just say thank you for joining us this evening.
10:05Goodbye. We'll see you later.
10:08Clive!
10:12I'm sorry, what did I say? Clive!
10:19Well, before we go to the break, something to ponder.
10:22It's a given that our Prime Minister, unlike Clive Palmer or Jackie Lambie,
10:26has a way with words.
10:28You bet you are. You bet I am.
10:30But do you reckon, when he said that he was going to shirt-front Mr Putin,
10:38what he actually meant to say was that he was going to confront him?
10:41And then maybe he subconsciously recalled the last time he used the word confront
10:44was when he was talking about homosexuality,
10:46and said that he finds these things a bit confronting.
10:49And then maybe he was worried that people would link him confronting Mr Putin
10:53with him being confronted by homosexuality.
10:56And so his brain involuntarily switched the first syllable of confront
10:59with the first syllable of shirt-lifter...
11:02..to come up with shirt-front.
11:08What do you think?
11:13Just a theory.
11:14But what do you think?
11:18Send your entries to Sounds As Likely As Any Other Explanation,
11:21Care of the ABC, etc., etc.
11:23And you could be in the running to win an Emma Alberici Tamagotchi.
11:28Try your luck at keeping Late Light alive
11:30in at least a handheld digital form.
11:32We'll be back soon, Lee.
11:35APPLAUSE
11:36He came from the moon to draw pictures upside-down,
11:43but nothing that simple is ever easy.
11:46My number's come up, Margaret.
11:49They're shipping me out to Vietnam on the next Iroquois.
11:52What'll happen to Mr Squiggle?
11:54To the kids?
11:56To everyone who loves you?
11:58What'll happen to us, Norm?
12:00The children?
12:02Is that all you care about?
12:03Period drama, just the way we think we know you want it.
12:09These pictures Mr Squiggle is drawing,
12:11they're bleak,
12:13despairing,
12:15obsessed with death.
12:18They're alienating our demographic.
12:2060% of them have already turned over to the test pattern on Channel 7.
12:23Margaret, his wife, reckons it's just a slump
12:26and that he'll be great again once this f***ing war's finished.
12:28And featuring packed-to-the-rafters carbo George Havardas
12:32as a young Geoffrey Rush.
12:35If I ever become an actor when I grow up
12:37and I get offered the role of David Helfgott,
12:39I'm going to play just like that.
12:43Squiggle and Odyssey,
12:45coming soon to their ABC.
12:48Hmm, interesting.
12:52I just want to, before we go on,
12:55I just want to pause for a moment, if I may,
12:56to give a shout-out to my homies on the block
12:59at ABC News 24.
13:01Tens of millions of people are tuning in
13:03to videos of complete strangers whispering
13:06as they quietly fold towels or brush their hair.
13:12Now, normally, I'm not a man given to superlatives,
13:16but when I first saw that, I was like,
13:18what the f***?
13:21But apparently, but apparently,
13:25these videos create a sort of blissful response
13:28in the viewer.
13:29So people have claimed these videos
13:51have changed their lives
13:52and that they relieve insomnia and anxiety,
13:55although, in my view,
13:56the story headlines on the ABC ticker
13:58wouldn't be helping the anxiety symptoms.
14:01But, you know, I am being picky
14:03and it's a measure of how popular
14:05these videos have become
14:06that today I receive this communication
14:08from Hezekiah McIver,
14:10head of commissioning here at ABC TV.
14:13Good morning, Sean.
14:15These are my reading glasses.
14:19I like to massage the lenses.
14:22The clothes is very soft.
14:29We're cutting your budget.
14:33We'll get less money available for you next year.
14:39Do you hear the sound of the clothes?
14:41Pure evil.
14:50Well, all of us, I think,
14:52for some almost primitive reason,
14:55feel a sense of pleasure
14:56when a long-standing record is broken.
14:58And I'm not talking about the joy I felt
15:00when I personally destroyed
15:01my mother's Andre Rur collection.
15:03I'm talking about statistics.
15:06For example, last week it was declared
15:08that the world greenhouse gas levels
15:11are at a record high.
15:12In fact, they're the highest they've been
15:14in 800,000 years
15:16when record-keeping began.
15:18The ICPP warns that air temperatures
15:21could rise by four degrees
15:22by the year 2100
15:24if no action is taken.
15:25Also, Andrew Bolt's temperature
15:27could rise several degrees more
15:28if the ABC continues giving airtime
15:30to these bloody warmests.
15:31And I agree with him.
15:34But leaving aside mankind's continued existence
15:37as a political issue,
15:38what does it say about our evolution
15:40as human beings
15:42over 800,000 years
15:43that we have let things get this bad?
15:45This is a question
15:46for Matthew Harrison Brady
15:47of the ironically titled
15:49Global Warming Policy Think Tank.
15:52Well, hold on a minute there, young man.
15:54Let's just never mind
15:56about this here climate change
15:57and deal for a minute
15:59with this blasphemous assumption
16:00you have made
16:01concerning man's evolution.
16:03Are you seriously suggesting, sir,
16:06that we owe our lineage
16:07to some sort of old-world monkey?
16:10Mr Brady, I could not help noticing
16:12that you were fanning yourself
16:14during your evidence.
16:16Well, yes, I was.
16:17Is this because you were warm?
16:20I am a little warm.
16:21That might not be
16:22this increase in temperature.
16:23This is a direct result
16:24of the global warming
16:25that you so vehemently deny.
16:28You don't have made the sun
16:29stand still in the sky.
16:30I have no further questions
16:31of this witness, Your Honour.
16:32No further questions.
16:33That's why it's getting hot.
16:34You apostles of science
16:36for all your so-called wisdom
16:37fail to recognise
16:39this simple fact.
16:40The witness is excused.
16:41One very disturbing thing
16:47about the IPCC report, though,
16:49is that...
16:49It notes alarm
16:50at how poorly prepared nations
16:52are for the coming heat.
16:53Now, I know what you're thinking.
16:54Why not burn some more coal
16:56so we can run
16:56some more air conditioning?
16:58Simple.
16:58But Greens leader,
16:59Christine Milne,
17:00has muddied the rising waters
17:01with what might be interpreted
17:03as a threat.
17:04Do you want death
17:05or do you want coal?
17:14See, I reckon...
17:15I reckon it's a bit
17:16of a trick question.
17:17She's offered one
17:18or the other,
17:19which does rather suggest
17:20that if you take the coal option,
17:22then you won't die.
17:24Which I don't think
17:25is what she meant.
17:25Or if you choose death,
17:27then you can't have the coal.
17:29I mean, you may become coal
17:31in time, I suppose.
17:33Anyway, then she went on,
17:34you know, like,
17:35like the Greens tend to do.
17:36Coal is not good for humanity
17:38just as Tony Abbott
17:39is not good for the planet.
17:41Fair enough.
17:42Fair enough.
17:43Coal might not be good for humanity,
17:45but I don't reckon death is either.
17:47Unless it's in some post-apocalyptic
17:51zombie dystopia,
17:52which from memory
17:52the Greens did not campaign on
17:54and so don't have a mandate
17:55to introduce.
17:56For my money, though,
17:57it's time to stop bickering
17:58and get on with it.
18:00At the end of the day,
18:00we all put our pyjamas on
18:01and brush our teeth.
18:02I'm sorry.
18:05At the end of the day,
18:07what we're left with
18:08is the direct action plan,
18:10whereby we can fund
18:11the big polluters
18:12to reduce their emissions.
18:13It's sort of like hiring
18:14a hit man to assassinate you
18:16and then paying him extra
18:17if he agrees to kill you
18:18more slowly.
18:18But what all this does show
18:22is that the Palmer United Party
18:24is united,
18:25not so much with its own members
18:26as with the coalition.
18:28But, of course,
18:29Bill Shorten wasn't going to
18:30let that slip by
18:31without firing off
18:32one of his trademark zingers.
18:34And this is a first for Bill,
18:36a killer one-liner
18:37for two targets.
18:39Unfortunately,
18:40now it would appear
18:40that we have two prime ministers
18:42in Australia,
18:43Prime Minister Abbott
18:44and Prime Minister Palmer.
18:45Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!
19:04Get off your horse
19:05and drink in moderation.
19:12And, uh, and, and, and on,
19:14and, sorry, and,
19:15and just a final note
19:17on the now unabolished
19:18Climate Change Authority.
19:19Firstly, kudos
19:20to the Abbott government
19:21for resisting the urge
19:22to rename it
19:23to the Climate Change's
19:24Crap Authority.
19:26And also to Bernie Fraser,
19:28the chair of the authority,
19:29who now finds himself
19:30heading up an emissions
19:31trading scheme report,
19:32which instead of being sent
19:33to the government printer,
19:34will be emailed direct
19:35to a shredder.
19:37Now, such a prospect
19:38might deflate a lesser man,
19:40but not Bernie,
19:41whose enthusiasm
19:41for the task...
19:43Sean Shrew
19:45at the announcement.
19:53Still to come,
19:54later in the week.
19:55This Saturday afternoon,
19:57ABC Sport brings you
19:58all the live action
19:59from the 2014
20:00ACT Athletics Championships
20:02for people called Jasmine.
20:04Join host Maggie Bathysphere
20:06and special comments expert
20:07Mark Holden
20:08as five of the country's
20:09best athletes called Jasmine
20:10who knew about this thing
20:11in time to register for it
20:12compete in the number
20:13267 event
20:15on the Australian
20:16Athletics Calendar.
20:17That's ABC Sport,
20:18Saturday from 2pm.
20:19Well, love and marriage,
20:26they go together
20:27like a horse and carriage
20:28or Geoffrey Eddleston
20:30and Gabby Greco.
20:31But what starts out
20:32as a fairytale moment
20:33between a 71-year-old man
20:35in a canary yellow suit
20:36and a girl
20:37in a clown motif dress,
20:39orange hair
20:39and eagle wing fascinator
20:41in front of the mounting yard
20:42at a race course
20:43can sometimes not last
20:44as long as his previous marriages.
20:46And it could really happen
20:48to any one of us.
20:49There but for the grace of God
20:50go you and I.
20:52That's why I was a bit surprised
20:53to learn that
20:54Social Services Minister
20:55Kevin Andrews
20:56who very...
20:57Kevin Andrews
21:06certainly
21:06thank you Kevin
21:07who very much
21:11believes in marriage
21:12and says that
21:12married couples
21:13are happier and healthier
21:14than de facto ones
21:16that he should be
21:17verbally attacked
21:18by a fellow politician
21:19with some pretty basic
21:20language skills.
21:23No, I'm...
21:24No, it wasn't
21:27Senator Jackie Lambie.
21:28This time it was
21:28Northern Territory
21:30country Liberal MP
21:31Kizia Poorick
21:32who on her Facebook page
21:33described Mr Andrews
21:35as a
21:35poonsy pasty-faced person
21:37from some piss-hand place
21:39that no-one cares about.
21:46Now, poonsy
21:47and pasty-faced
21:48fair enough.
21:50Person, no problem.
21:51But I think she overstepped
21:52the line insulting
21:53the seat of Menzies
21:54which is one of the most
21:56beautiful electoral divisions
21:57we have in this country
21:58aside from the acne.
22:00But not content
22:01with just insulting
22:02what Mr Andrews looks like
22:03and where he comes from
22:04Ms Poorick also told him
22:06if you ever come
22:07to the rural area
22:08and try and tell us
22:08how to live
22:09three words for you
22:10green rubber ring.
22:12Now, she's either
22:14offering him
22:14a poor safety device
22:17or telling him
22:18that he might be
22:19castrated.
22:20Personally,
22:21I don't think
22:21Kevin deserves either.
22:23He's only trying to
22:24preserve the sanctity
22:25of holy matrimony
22:26which, let's face it,
22:27is not helped
22:28by inflatable toys
22:29or having her testicles removed.
22:33Still,
22:34maybe that's just
22:35how Ms Poorick is.
22:36I noticed that
22:36in an earlier post
22:37she said that
22:38I'm fed up
22:39with these bastard snakes
22:40helping themselves
22:41to my silky chooks.
22:42You are so lucky
22:44you're a python.
22:44Some years ago
22:45I would have chopped
22:46off your head
22:46with bolt cutters.
22:49Maybe Kevin
22:49got off lucky.
22:51I mean,
22:51all he's trying to do
22:52is run a 12-month trial
22:54offering free vouchers
22:55for relationship counselling.
22:57Unfortunately,
22:57of the 100,000
22:58vouchers available
22:59only 5,000
23:00have been issued.
23:01Why aren't couples
23:02taking up the government
23:03on its offer?
23:04Marcus and Julia Bratwurst
23:05from our audience
23:06who, as far as I can tell
23:07from here,
23:07are having marital problems.
23:09Well, Sean,
23:10I've always thought
23:10marriage counselling
23:11would be a brilliant idea
23:12but this one's not interested.
23:13Hang on, hang on.
23:14I'm just not sure
23:15that we're ready
23:15to commit to marriage counselling.
23:18I mean, Sean,
23:18we've only got married
23:19two months ago.
23:20Three months.
23:21Yeah, all right.
23:21I just think
23:22we should actually wait
23:22until we have some problems.
23:24I've told you,
23:25I've always wanted marriage counselling
23:26ever since I was a little girl.
23:28It's been my dream.
23:29What is a marriage counselling
23:31voucher anyway?
23:32Just a piece of paper.
23:33Doesn't mean anything.
23:34It means you get
23:34free marriage counselling,
23:36you f***ing idiot.
23:36Well, maybe that would be
23:38a good idea
23:39since we clearly
23:40are no good
23:40at communicating
23:41with each other.
23:41Oh, well,
23:42I would totally love that.
23:49It's a funny old thing,
23:51isn't it, love?
23:52Anyway,
23:53good luck to Marcus
23:54and Julia.
23:55I hope your marriage
23:55is as successful
23:56as I know
23:57Geoffrey and Gabby's
23:58will be.
24:00Still to come,
24:01an exclusive interview
24:02with Health Department
24:03media officer,
24:04Gloria Munchfoot.
24:05So what do you propose
24:06to do about the elderly
24:07and sick
24:08who are stuck
24:08on ballooning waiting lists?
24:10Well,
24:11I don't think the sick
24:11and elderly
24:12should go ballooning.
24:17Time now,
24:17though,
24:18for news from countries
24:19that aren't Australia.
24:21News from countries
24:22that aren't Australia
24:23brought to you by
24:24Australian Story.
24:26Start your week
24:26by feeling sad.
24:28Well,
24:30police have decided
24:31to drop charges
24:32against ACDC drummer
24:33Phil Rudd
24:34for attempting
24:35to procure a murder.
24:37Even the most loyal
24:37fans of the band
24:38had to admit
24:39that ACDC
24:40haven't put out
24:40a hit in years.
24:49In unrelated music news,
24:51British band
24:51The Rolling Stones
24:52this week cancelled
24:53their gig at Hanging Rock
24:54after lead singer
24:55Mick Jagger
24:55lost his voice.
24:56This is not the first time
24:58something's gone missing
24:58at Hanging Rock.
25:00But it is the first time
25:02that a refund was offered.
25:05To Turkey now
25:07and still no word
25:08on the theft
25:08of the brass letters
25:09stolen from the
25:11commemorative site
25:11at Anzac Cove.
25:12As you can see here
25:13in these helpful
25:14before and after shots
25:15on the 2GB website
25:17the letters were
25:18quite obviously present
25:19at some stage
25:19prior to the second photo
25:20being taken
25:21of their absence.
25:23Now,
25:23I'm no detective
25:24but if you look
25:25very, very closely
25:25at the first photo
25:26you can see a woman
25:27sitting
25:28quite near the letters
25:30and then in the second photo
25:31I notice that she's gone
25:33along with the letters.
25:35So she's either
25:35the chief suspect
25:36or she's been prized
25:39off the wall
25:39and stolen as well.
25:42Anyway,
25:43it's important
25:43that everything
25:44be just so in Gallipoli
25:45because next year
25:46of course
25:46Anzac Day celebrates
25:47its centenary.
25:48In fact,
25:49even as we speak
25:50preparations
25:50for the big day
25:51are underway.
25:53Vague Burkle reports.
25:55Oh yeah!
25:58What is it good
25:59for absolutely nothing?
26:02If you'd have asked
26:03Gallipoli
26:04a hundred years ago
26:05whether we'd be
26:05celebrating its centenary
26:07in a hundred years
26:08it would probably
26:09have said you were mad.
26:11But it's a birthday party
26:12you'd be mad to miss
26:13as Zach Frisby
26:14advisor to the director
26:16of the Australian
26:16War Memorial
26:17explains.
26:19People are always surprised
26:20at how small
26:21Anzac Cove actually is.
26:23That's why we're
26:23going to be enlarging it.
26:25We're blasting out
26:25those rocks back there
26:26to make it into
26:27more of a bay
26:28and we're bringing
26:29in an earth mover
26:30up here
26:30to gouge out
26:31a natural amphitheatre.
26:33You know more space?
26:34More people.
26:35We want to get
26:35as many Aussies
26:36on the beach
26:36as we possibly can.
26:38Just like our forefathers did.
26:40Mind you,
26:41it'd be a bit easier
26:41if the weather was nicer.
26:42But it's not all
26:44about capacity crowds
26:45for the dawn service.
26:46Well no,
26:46it doesn't go here.
26:48They also need
26:49somewhere to park.
26:50Ajda will be employed
26:52as a parking valet
26:53for the buses.
26:54It will be her job
26:55to park the buses
26:55and clean them.
26:57Her grandfather
26:57fought against the Anzacs
26:59from this very hill
27:00so it will be her opportunity
27:02for her to make up for it.
27:05But if war is hell
27:06then celebrating it
27:07can be even more trouble.
27:09The noise from next door
27:10is just intolerable.
27:11I mean we've asked
27:12the Syrian government
27:13if they'll consider
27:13winding up their civil war
27:14by 2015.
27:15They say they can't guarantee it.
27:17I mean the last thing
27:18you want during
27:18your minute's silence
27:19is the sound of explosions.
27:20There is also the worry
27:22that ISIL jihadists
27:23may turn up
27:24and ruin the celebrations.
27:26Keeping them out
27:27is another job
27:28for Ajda.
27:29I mean it's fine
27:30to reflect on the futility
27:31of war on Anzac Day
27:32but you don't want
27:33to be continually reminded of it.
27:34Oh wow!
27:35Ugh!
27:36Noisy.
27:37And not coming up
27:38because we have run
27:39before our host to market.
27:42Mmm.
27:43Kentucky Fried Captain.
27:45Idiot penguins
27:47deceived by metadata
27:48gathering spy.
27:50And photo embarrassment.
27:52General 14th Road
27:53from the front
27:5337th from the left
27:55has his eyes closed.
27:56And a final thought before we go
28:01I'm going to get me some of that action
28:26Good night
28:30Good night, baby
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