- 1 year ago
Original Broadcast Date: February 25th 2015
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00:001, 2, 3, 4
00:30Thank you very much, thank you
00:38It's very kind of you
00:39But, bad news, I'm afraid this week
00:42it seems pretty clear that the chances
00:44of Tony Abbott leading his party
00:46to the next election are about as likely as Paul
00:48McCartney going on the paleo diet
00:50Now, there are a number of reasons
00:52for this. First,
00:54these so-called leaks, the letter about
00:56Peter Credlin and her husband,
00:58Mr Abbott's plan to deny the pension
01:00to elderly millionaires
01:01and his idea to unilaterally
01:04invade Iraq to fight IS
01:06a claim, by the way,
01:08that he maintains is
01:10Absolutely, utterly, simply
01:12fanciful
01:13At least, I think it was about the invasion
01:16He might have been trying to describe Mr McGoriam's
01:18Wonder Emporium
01:19Now, another
01:22thing that hurt him was an actual
01:24unilateral invasion of his own turf
01:26by Malcolm Turnbull
01:28who used his portfolio as Minister for Communications
01:31last week to bend a pre-weakened ABC to his will
01:34commandeering some idle cameras that happen to be in the studio
01:37during Q&A to address the nation
01:40And the reviews were fantastic
01:42Turnbull wows TV audience with Prime Ministerial performance
01:46Turbo Turnbull in vintage performance
01:48Turnbull almost perfect
01:51Turnbull flirting with us
01:52Turnbull sparks liberal backlash
01:54Turnbull not Tony Abbott
01:56Even left-wing hate-rag the Sunshine Coast Daily proclaimed
02:01Turnbull everything we want in a PM
02:03So we've had to reset our leadership spill clock yet again
02:08To T minus 19 days, 7 hours, 3 minutes and 58 seconds
02:13Which actually happens to be the 15th of March
02:16Or the Ides of March as some people call it
02:18A date of no particular political significance
02:21Apart from it being the day Julius Caesar faced his own leadership spill from the Roman Senate
02:26Now, don't get me wrong though, I'm not saying Malcolm leaked these stories about Mr Abbott
02:31To shore up his chances of becoming Prime Minister
02:34I'm not saying that
02:35I have no proof
02:36And it would be irresponsible of me as a pretend journalist
02:39To even suggest anything like that
02:40Now, I reckon Philip Ruddock did it as payback
02:43Yes, the Liberal Party is still very much divided over the decision to remove Philip Ruddock
02:52From the position of Chief Whip
02:54Senior staffer to Philip Ruddock, Inga Skunk
03:06It emerged last week that Mr Ruddock may have been sacked for not showing sufficient enthusiasm
03:11When he announced Mr Abbott's victory in the spill motion
03:13See if you agree
03:14The Liberal Party has met
03:16We've had a ballot
03:17It was properly conducted
03:20The result is very clear
03:22Nose, 61
03:24Yes, 39
03:27Now, Inga, he did seem to lack enthusiasm there, didn't he?
03:31I would posit that Mr Ruddock announced the result with all his customary verve and joie de vivre
03:38And with every granulated ounce of vigour and unbridled enthusiasm that he could summon
03:44From his quite extraordinary and delicious body
03:47Well, then his removal from this position must be terribly disappointing
03:52It's a blow of incomprehensibly colossal proportions
03:56It's a time of utter desolation and infinite melancholy from which at times there seems no earthly respite
04:03Although he has had great support though, hasn't he?
04:06I mean, Scott Morrison described him as the greatest immigration minister we've ever had
04:10That must have brought a smile to his face
04:12When we were apprised of the complimentary remarks to which you refer
04:16We were both completely consumed by an overwhelming euphoria
04:20A deep and abiding rapture that could only have been known by angels
04:25Emotional time
04:27It's a real rollercoaster
04:29Thanks very much, Inga
04:30And I want to add something on this subject, if I may
04:33Something which made me personally as mad as, if not quite hell
04:37Then certainly somewhere very close
04:39Hey, I'm from Adelaide
04:44It's a beautiful city
04:47The city lights in particular are just breathtaking
04:50Anyway
04:51Anyway, I did find the headline to Graham Richardson's piece in The Australian
04:59About this business with Philip Ruddock a little unsavoury
05:02Ruddock's sack shows PM doesn't get it
05:05Ruddock's sack
05:11I mean, do we really need this sort of filth?
05:13Granted, it's better than Ruddock shows sack PM doesn't get it
05:17But still
05:18Although that does remind me that unlike Mr Turnbull
05:22Who impressed us all this week as very much the PM apparent
05:24Shadow Treasurer Chris Bowen did not seem as likely a replacement for Joe Hockey
05:29When he was interviewed on the Richo and Alan Jones TV show
05:32And didn't know the tax-free threshold
05:34Graham, excuse me
05:36The man is the treasurer of the country
05:38And I'm asking him to explain
05:39He's not the treasurer
05:41Graham, hang on
05:44Of course, when I say TV show, I mean dog's breakfast
05:47Now, Alan may be the voice of the people
05:51But what are the people thinking?
05:52Because Chris Bowen doesn't know what the tax-free threshold is
05:55He wouldn't make a good treasurer
05:57Isn't it conceivable that you could full well know
06:00What the tax-free threshold is
06:01And still not be a very good treasurer?
06:06And anyway, did Mr Bowen really not know?
06:09Or was he foxing?
06:10Tax-free threshold is 18,200
06:12Which is what I should have said last night
06:13Obviously that's pretty impressive
06:15If we believe that he didn't look it up
06:17In the 12 hours since he was asked the question
06:18Perhaps good opposition starts today
06:21And at the risk of sounding a little like Alan Jones myself here
06:25I've got to say that
06:25You do not get this sort of shoddy performance
06:28From the non-shadow treasurer
06:29You ask Joe Hockey
06:31What the unemployment rate is
06:32And bang, he can tell you straight up
06:34It's the worst it's been in 12 years
06:36And that's what I want from my government
06:38Still, it's far from over for Mr Hockey
06:41In fact, he unveiled
06:43He unveiled a new political strategy last week
06:47When he was talking about the unemployment figures
06:49If we had have remained on Labor's trajectory
06:51Unemployment today would be 7.5% instead of 6.4%
06:55It's a bold new direction for the new Abbott good government
06:57Isn't it Treasury strategist Ryan Bliss?
07:00Well that's right Sean
07:00The public are used to seeing us hammering Labor
07:02For what they did in government
07:04But now we're hammering Labor
07:05For what they might have done
07:07But actually didn't
07:08Had they retained government
07:10Which they also actually didn't
07:11It's all part of our
07:13Yes, we've been quite bad
07:15But they're shit-ouse
07:16Approach
07:17And that interview is coming up live later in the program
07:20If that's alright with you?
07:21Sure
07:21Absolutely
07:22And also still to come
07:23Customers desert berries
07:26Tony Abbott sets out new industry standards
07:29Importers must rise to
07:30If they want to do business with us
07:32The bottom line is that companies shouldn't poison their customers
07:35Plus Agriculture Minister Barnaby Joyce
07:40Explains the science behind the government's food safety testing process
07:44Obviously on many of these things at the lowest level
07:47We're looking for residual residual residual residues
07:51Such as cadmium
07:53Very hard to find though cadmium
07:59Be easier if it existed I suppose
08:02But it does raise a topic which has had all of us this
08:06Yes Susan Lay as you can see is all set to examine our health system
08:13One of the medicines she'll be using to better our wellness
08:17Is a new alternative program
08:18To the totes-unliked $5 Medicare co-payment
08:21Something they're calling a Medicare price signal
08:24Draymella Burt from the Coalition's Ministry of Truth
08:27Tell us all about it
08:28Well, Sean, the Medicare price signal
08:30As the name doesn't suggest
08:31Is less a new program
08:33And more a new way of describing the old one
08:35We've found, as in any business
08:37That when a product isn't selling
08:38It's cheaper and less effort to rethink what we call it
08:42Rather than the program itself or the ideology behind it
08:44Budget cut becomes budget dividend
08:47Tax increase becomes a seasonal adjustment to the fuel excise
08:51Tender becomes competitive evaluation process
08:54Combinations of words that sound vaguely like they mean something positive
08:57But you don't get tied down to dictionary definitions
09:00Exactly, Sean
09:01What's important is that people don't quite know what you're talking about
09:04And so can't form an opinion
09:06It works with phrases too
09:07I'm not going to answer that question
09:09You arsehole becomes
09:10I'm not a commentator
09:11You don't think the public see through this approach?
09:16I'm not a commentator, Sean
09:17What I will say is that the rainbow-happy government
09:21Remains committed to a new agenda of reform
09:24And stopping intergenerational Labor theft boats
09:26Yes, if I could just stop you there
09:29Yes?
09:30Rainbow-happy government
09:31It plays better than coalition government
09:34And intergenerational Labor theft boats?
09:37Well, our research shows that intergenerational theft and stop the boats
09:41Play very well in our key demographic
09:43Throwing Labor into the mix then gives us maximum Rudd-Gillard-Rud demonisation
09:47It treats people like idiots though, doesn't it?
09:50I'm not a commentator, Sean
09:51Surely the Prime Minister is in enough trouble, as it is
09:55Without being a party to this sort of cynical obfuscation
09:57Malcolm Turnbull is squarely behind this bold new alternative way forward, Sean
10:02Malcolm Turnbull
10:03That's what we call the Prime Minister now, Sean
10:05Plays better than Tony Abbott
10:09I see, I see
10:10Aren't these sorts of rhetorical tricks
10:12Just an attempt to conceal deeper problems for the rainbow-happy government?
10:16How are you dealing with those?
10:18Distraction, Sean
10:19What do you mean, distraction?
10:21Boogie-boogie-boogie!
10:23Boogie-boogie-boogie!
10:24Excuse me?
10:27Sean
10:28The Australian National Security is poised on the knife edge of a crossroads
10:32Unless we start doing something now
10:34And appearing to address whatever it is we're considering immediately
10:38Then the very freedoms we're surrendering in order to protect them
10:40May as well never have existed at all
10:42And the wannabe baddies will have played us for mugs
10:45Yeah, it's very interesting
10:46Boogie-boogie! Boogie-boogie!
10:49Make no mistake, Sean
10:50We're playing for our political life here
10:52I'm not sure the media are gullible enough to fall for that
10:58Boogie-boogie!
11:01Although he does raise an interesting point
11:03And one I think worthy of further discussion
11:05To defend yourself against baddies is very, very simple
11:12You need things like submarines
11:13But submarines are complicated things
11:15As Tony Abbott says
11:17Not all that different from building a space probe
11:19Because as we know, thanks to Senator John Madigan
11:23Submarines are the spaceships of the ocean
11:26Now, in the Senate Estimates Inquisition last week
11:31The head of the ASC, the Australian Submarines and Canoes
11:34Explained how closely the government was working with it
11:37In order to assist it in the competitive evaluation process
11:40Fortunately, Defence Minister Kevin Andrews was on hand to fill us in on exactly what was taking place
11:50We are working through, as I mentioned earlier
11:54An elaborative process, an evaluation process in terms of submarines
12:00We are looking at the detail of what's involved in that process at the present time
12:05Now, unfortunately, neither Alan Turing or the Enigma machine
12:11Are here to help decipher what Mr Andrews meant
12:15But I think what he's saying is
12:17They're working through a process to find out the detail of what's involved in that process
12:21And that's not easy
12:23Because how do you start the process of finding out what the detail of that process is
12:27Without first knowing the detail of the process
12:29You're starting in order to find out the detail of that process
12:32And how do you do it? Send your entries to how do you start the process of finding out the detail of that process
12:38Etc, etc. Care of the ABC in your capital city
12:41And you could win this original informal vote ballot paper
12:46From the recent Liberal Party spill motion
12:48Virginia Trioldi, Emma Alberici, Tony Jones, Lee Sayles
12:55Some of the biggest names in television journalism talk about what it means to work at the ABC
13:01That's I'm a Celebrity Get Me Outta Here
13:04Thursday, 9.30
13:06Welcome back
13:09Cleaning the oven
13:10Changing the batteries and the smoke detector
13:12Visiting your mother in the nursing home
13:13All things we plan to do once every five years
13:16But don't
13:19But now here's something else maybe
13:22The Australian Census
13:23According to Peter Martin in the Sydney Morning Herald
13:25The Abbott government is thinking of axing it
13:27On the other hand though
13:28Peter Martin in the Sydney Morning Herald says that the Australian Bureau of Statistics are thinking of axing it
13:33Whichever Peter Martin from the Sydney Morning Herald you believe
13:36Do we need it anyway?
13:38Here's actual ABC journalist Nick Grimm on what someone said to him
13:41Bernard Salt is a demographic expert
13:44He says Australia's Census leads the world in terms of the quality of the information it gathers
13:49In fact I think it'd be fair to say we gather the best information about Australia in the world
13:54Pop culture enthusiast Crane Girdle
13:57You're one of 65,486 Australians who will fill in your religion as Jedi on the Census form
14:04Jedi Knight actually Sean
14:06What do you think of the move to scrap the Census by the ABS?
14:10Oh Sean, the Australian Bureau of Statistics
14:12She will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy
14:16We must be cautious
14:18I fear a disturbance in the forms may upset a great many of us
14:22Those of you who use the forms to identify as Jedis
14:25Jedi Knights Sean
14:26For over a thousand generations the Jedi Knights were the guardians of peace and justice in the Old Republic
14:33Before the dark times
14:34Before the empire
14:36Because no other government form recognises it as an actual religion, does it?
14:41Well no, yes, it's our only opportunity to officially be acknowledged
14:44Although I did manage to get it put on my temporary speedboat licence
14:49That was issued to me by the indent and head department of fisheries and maritime recreation
14:54In fact I have a laminated copy if you'd care to see it
14:57We don't need to see your identification
14:59You don't need to see my identification
15:03These aren't the droids you're looking for
15:05I'm not looking for any droids, no
15:08It's interesting though that cancelling the Census will apparently save about $400 million
15:14Whereas the new metadata retention scheme will cost us $400 million
15:18So civil libertarian Emmett Co-mingle
15:20Instead of the government wanting a small quantity of very specific information given willingly
15:25They want a much larger quantity of non-specific information taken by force
15:29The force?
15:30Shut up!
15:32Well Sean, it's like instead of asking to read your personal diary and then taking notes
15:37They would rather rummage through your garbage bin and then stand on the overturned bin
15:41To look in through your window while we're in the toilet having sex with my wife
15:45Both are minor intrusions on our privacy but only one involves filling out a form
15:51Thank you Emmett
15:53But a Census does enable the ABS to collate all sorts of statistics essential to nation building
15:58Why not having this information make it impossible for the Coalition to pursue any of its programs effectively, Jamella Burt?
16:04You're assuming we were planning on having any effective programs during our time in office, Sean
16:09I think that's foolish and short-sighted
16:11Yes, but I...
16:12I'm not a commentator, Sean
16:13Someone who is a commentator though is regular caller, first-time listener, Casper Jonquill
16:19I couldn't disagree more
16:20If I can't get a carer's allowance for watching my sick auntie even when she's in the shower and not actually sick on my auntie
16:25Then it's my patriotic duty to remain unemployed and not eat halal so my tax dollars don't go to could-be terrorists
16:30Because if the government gets a look at my metadata
16:32Why shouldn't I be allowed to open the young couple next door's mail
16:35And make sure they're not making defamatory claims about me taking things out of their letterbox
16:38Yes, food labelling is a problem
16:40What's the tax-free threshold?
16:41I mean, we help them out of the tsunami
16:43What's the tax-free threshold?
16:44It's the captain's call
16:45What's the tax-free threshold?
16:46Malcolm is presenting very well
16:47Then I get these headaches
16:48It's either the wind turbine sickness from that new Dyson Airblade they've got at the public toilets in the park I'm not allowed back to
16:53Or having to listen to Manu's accent on NKR
16:56I rang the fire department when my house was burning down and they said, oh, it's got nothing to do with us
16:59Kill him
17:00Thank you
17:02Still to come
17:06Parade of human skeletons delights idiots
17:11Yes, I'm not sure that I, truth be told, would be much of an expert
17:16Although some of your viewers may regard me as one
17:19Now, of course, the government's security statement is big news this week
17:24And I've got to tell you, I'm a big supporter of the proposed data retention scheme
17:27Now, the left whingers out there will be going, oh, it's going to cost the taxpayer $400 million
17:32But I say not necessarily, according to the newspapers, no one and when I say no one I'm referring to the newspapers themselves
17:39Likes the idea of the ABC providing news online to people for free
17:43Why not close down all the ABC news websites, wipe the hard drives and use the space to store all your metadata
17:51The ABC could charge a small fee, say $254 million that it lost in budget cuts
17:57And that's still a saving of $146 million to the taxpayer
18:01The government are happy
18:03The ABC are happy
18:04You're happy
18:07And most importantly, commercial online news providers will be happy as well
18:11But of course you can't please everybody
18:15Despite Mr Abbott making it perfectly clear why he wants to read our emails and look at the food we're Instagramming
18:22Rogue Senator Jackie Lambie, seen here on rival news travesty today
18:27Doesn't think our PM is taking a hard enough line on national security, particularly Australians who support IS
18:34According to her website, which if you go to media releases, invites you to clink the link
18:40To her press release about charging these people with sedition and treason
18:44And I suppose you're thinking, well, I don't know, being asked
18:46Being asked to clink the link is so we can put these sorts of people into prison camps
18:53But no, no, no
18:55In a media statement entitled
18:56Abbott's crackdown on Australian citizenship inspired by Lambie's parliamentary research questions and speeches
19:02Which, if true, makes me pine for the days when Peter Credlin ran things
19:07Anyway, Ms Lambie says
19:10Part of my solution to help defeat ISIS is to reintroduce the death penalty as a sentencing option for Australian juries
19:18Chief of staff for Senator Lambie, Dolly Norman
19:20Is, is Jackie Lambie
19:22Is Jackie Lambie out of her mind?
19:26Um, I'm not a commentator, sure
19:29Um
19:31But
19:33Jackie is very serious about making sure that the cruelty of Islamic State
19:39Never comes to this country
19:41And if that means putting those people to death in this country, then bring it on
19:45Ban the Barker
19:48Ban, ban, what, the what?
19:50The Barker
19:51Sean
19:52Jackie says we should ban the Barker
19:55Um
19:55I think we have some footage
19:57No, it's Shari Law and I want the Barker banned
20:00And I'm not backing down on that
20:01Well, I think when she says
20:03I think when she says ban the Barker
20:04She means ban the Burka
20:06And when she says Burka, I think she means niqab
20:08Um, Sean
20:10What Jackie means is only slightly different to what she says
20:14Um, for example, when Jackie says she wants halal stopped
20:18Because she doesn't know where the money's going
20:20She means it
20:21Or something like it
20:23Um, stop halal!
20:25Yeah, but, but, so, on that
20:27We, we don't know where a lot of money goes, do we, Dolly?
20:29I mean, I don't know what you do with your pay packet
20:30What, pay packet?
20:34Well, the money, money that Jackie pays you
20:36For being chief of staff
20:38She would give you an income every week
20:41Doesn't, well, alright, well what about, uh, Ms Lambie's suggestions for amending the citizenship oath?
20:48Um, I pledge my loyalty to Australia and its people whose democratic beliefs I share
20:53Whose rights and liberties
20:54And opposition to Sharia law
20:56I respect
20:57I mean, are you likely to catch out too many IS insurgents with that?
21:02Do you, do you think 9-11 would have been avoided if the pilot license had said
21:06Not valid in the event of high, Jackie?
21:09Sean, it's like Jackie says
21:12It's 100% the Australian way or the highway
21:16It's her, Tasmania, right or wrong
21:20No matter what we stand for in this country
21:22If it's not the national anthem
21:24Then get back in your suspected maritime arrival vessel
21:28And toll yourself back to what undemocratic backwater that voted you in on preferences in the first place
21:34Jackie Lambie rocks
21:37Yes, I think we have footage of Jackie Lambie rocking
21:39Well, I think, um, when it comes to, um, Sharia, Sharia law, um, you know, to me, it's, um, it's, uh, it obviously involves terrorism
21:51I do love that woman
22:04I love her more than sharks love blood
22:08Thanks very much, Dolly
22:11Um, Sean, um, can you validate my parking?
22:15Certainly
22:15Sport now, and Maggie, the Gold Coast titans
22:22Certainly does, Sean
22:24Thanks, Maggie
22:26Maggie Bathysphere there
22:27Time now, though, for
22:29News from countries that aren't Australia
22:31Proudly brought to you by
22:33Glenn Fowles Country
22:34New from ABC Music
22:36Whether you're Vietnamese or Malaysian
22:40Or even a bomb
22:42If you don't love Australia
22:46Just go back where you come from
22:49Conservative songs for a conservative country
22:52Available from ABC shops or online
22:54Depending on the NBN rollout
22:56To Florida first
23:00Where early 90s rapping sensation Vanilla Ice
23:03Has been charged with burglary
23:04In grand theft
23:05It's alleged that he stole his neighbour's pool heater
23:07Now, this is not the first time
23:10That Mr Ice has been accused of stealing something
23:12Here he is at the height of his career
23:14And here's Queen with David Bowie
23:22A decade earlier
23:23Disgraceful, disgraceful
23:29Now he's at it again
23:30Apparently, though, his lawyer's arguing
23:32That he didn't steal the pool heater
23:34He just sampled it
23:35Into the bin
23:38So China now
23:42And young singles
23:44Are flocking to a business
23:45Which helps them avoid family shame
23:46By hiring out fake partners
23:48To take home for Chinese New Year
23:50For $160 a day
23:52The fake partner will travel to the singles home
23:55To create the impression that they're a couple
23:56Anyway, I don't care how much you're paid
23:59Can you ever really convincingly pretend
24:01You like someone when you don't?
24:03Thanks, thank you
24:04It was actually a rhetorical question
24:10But yes, I guess you can
24:11Now, like most of us in this country
24:14I'm never more pleased
24:16Than when a fellow Aussie experiences
24:18Some good fortune overseas
24:20So imagine my delight
24:22When I read in the paper
24:23That Cardinal George Pell
24:24Had found $2 billion
24:27While he was over in Italy
24:29Working at the Vatican
24:30George is apparently in charge
24:31Of the Vatican's finances now
24:33And it occurred to me
24:34That maybe he should come back here
24:35And look after ours
24:36I understand that he's a Catholic
24:38So he'd get on well with Tony Abbott
24:40Though Tony is a little more hardline, obviously
24:43And if he wears his vestments
24:47That'll mean that they'll have at least three ministers
24:48On the front bench wearing dresses
24:50What do you think?
24:52Send your entries to
24:53Yes, I think Cardinal George Pell
24:54Should replace Joe Hockey as treasurer
24:56Care of the ABC, etc, etc
24:58And if you're the neatest
24:59Most politically correct entry
25:00You could win an ADD HDTV
25:03Ideal
25:04For those with short attention spans
25:06Or if you're watching the drum
25:08Back soon, Lee
25:11This pig will happily sit idle for days on end
25:16Doing almost nothing
25:18Sean McAuliffe's Boring Pigs of the Southern Balkans
25:23Sunday, 7.40 on your ABC
25:26Thank you
25:28Well, breaking news now
25:30And a man has been caught playing the trumpet
25:32As he drove over the Westgate Bridge
25:33Deputy Commissioner Max Payne
25:36A driver playing the trumpet
25:37Did he accompany you to the station?
25:45No, no, Sean, that's incorrect
25:46We requested he submit to a breathalyser on the spot
25:49And what did he blow?
25:51A flat
25:52Well, despite or perhaps even in spite
25:56Of the government's Medicare reform package
25:57Being met with almost universal condemnation
25:59The Prime Minister was prepared to take it on the chin
26:02And not respond to the manner of a seven-year-old child
26:04I say to all of the critics
26:06If you don't like what we're doing
26:08Come up with your alternative
26:11Government
26:11But in the meantime
26:12In the meantime
26:16Sure, he's our Prime Minister, sure
26:20But in the meantime
26:22Nick Xenophon has called Mr Abbott's Bluff
26:24Suggesting a number of savings
26:26That might be implemented without compromising patient care
26:29Telemedicine in rural and remote communities
26:31Has a real opportunity to
26:34Give better patient outcomes
26:36Deliver real savings to the system
26:39Townsville-based GP Dr Albert Cherry
26:41Is a strong believer in the possibilities of telemedicine
26:44As Colby Supertunic reports
26:469am Monday morning
26:49The start of another busy week for Dr Albert Cherry
26:52In the coming week
26:54Not only will he see more than 100 patients
26:56In the Cranbrook surgery he's tended for more than 40 years
27:00But dozens more throughout rural Queensland
27:02By practising what is known as telemedicine
27:05Telemedicine, literally telemedicine
27:09Is extremely useful for those patients
27:11Who reside in remote areas
27:13And aren't able physically or mentally
27:15To attend surgery for consultation
27:17I should add that telemedicine
27:20Is also used by a small percentage of patients
27:23Who reside locally
27:25And can't be stuffed coming in
27:27Dr Cherry and his patients communicate via Skype
27:31And while they might not be in the same room
27:33They can pretend they're looking at each other
27:35Through windows in the same house
27:37Still experiencing a bit of pain, are we?
27:39Yep
27:40Okay, well the first thing I need you to do, Joan
27:43Is to find me something hard
27:46Like a stick
27:47What about this, Doctor?
27:48Great, that's just the ticket
27:50Now I want you to put that between your teeth
27:52And bite down hard
27:54My following a series of simple instructions
27:56Joan is able to provide the necessary information
27:59To assist Dr Cherry in making a diagnosis
28:02Now you take your scissors
28:05And I want you to make me an incision in your stomach
28:08About two inches above the belly button
28:10Don't you forget to bite down on that stick now
28:13Ideally, I'd prefer to be in the same room as Joan
28:17Watching her cut herself with the scissors
28:19But this telemedicine really is the next best thing
28:22Give that a bit of a wipe, Joan
28:26I've just got an email coming in
28:27So just make your screen a bit smaller
28:29Joan would die from acute blood loss
28:31Less than an hour later
28:33Her broken ankle suffered three weeks earlier in the fall
28:37Showing the first signs of gangrene
28:39Dr Albert Cherry would be taken into police custody
28:42Shortly after the discovery of Joan's body
28:45He would subsequently be found to be practising
28:48Without any computer training
28:50Yes, a very good example of what this country can accomplish
28:54If and when it rolls out what's passing for our NBN
28:57And combines it with what remains of our government's health policy
29:00Well, not coming up because Judith Lucy's on in a minute
29:04Tony Abbott implies he prefers appearing on ABC programmes
29:09I never want to find myself in this position ever again
29:13And amusing caricature of federal senator
29:17Stands in front of a drawing of himself
29:19Well, finally, the Queensland Cabinet has been sworn in
29:25And for the first time, it contains more women than men
29:27I know it sounds like political correctness
29:30Having had a psychotic episode
29:31And doing all its laundry in the toilet
29:33But when you take into account this piece in the Fairfax Press last week
29:37Showing that women managers are paid 45% less than their male peers
29:41You can see the economic sense of it
29:43Women really do represent an excellent, low-cost alternative to men
29:48Try women today
29:51Goodbye
29:52Josh, baby
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