- 8 months ago
Original Broadcast Date: November 19th 2014
Category
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TVTranscript
00:001, 2, 3, 4
00:30Well, you're quite right to chant that
00:42and look, apart from Vladimir Putin getting tired
00:45and falling asleep on the coats in the main bedroom
00:47and Barack Obama complaining about the temperature,
00:50the G20 party went off perfectly.
00:53Sweet as a nut.
00:55A lot of people thought that the Friday public holiday in Brisbane,
00:58that the place looked like a bleak, empty wasteland.
01:01But as you can see from this shot of the President Obama there
01:04walking through Brisbane's CBD at peak hour,
01:07nothing could be further from the truth.
01:09So congratulations to our Prime Minister,
01:12seen here scaling one of these security fences
01:14on his way to a working dinner,
01:16who really set the tone for how the G20 was going to proceed.
01:20Tony's tone, as all the world media are calling it now,
01:23was one of mateship and being cobbers with each other
01:27in the spirit of Aussie blokiness and fair dinkum gedeity.
01:30If we could use first names, that would be good as well,
01:35because whatever disagreements we might have,
01:38I think it helps if there can at least be personal warmth amongst us.
01:44Increasing the warmth among world leaders.
01:47Beautiful sentiment, plus it's the closest Tony got
01:50to raising the subject of global warming.
01:52But that first names thing was a great idea,
01:56that very Australian way we have of assuming
01:58that everybody else is just as unimportant as we are,
02:01that no-one should be accorded any respect
02:04because of the office they hold or what they've accomplished.
02:06Because at the end of the day,
02:08we are all the same if you take away everything that makes us different.
02:11In fact, I defy you to tell the difference
02:14between Tony and Obama here,
02:16both as charming as each other with equally winning smiles.
02:21Tony's is the one that looks more like the hillbillies in Deliverance.
02:26And it paid off too.
02:27Look at the palpable warmth radiating off Obama and Cameron
02:31during Tony's opening remarks.
02:33Of course, it wasn't just Tony doing the talking.
02:36Oh, no.
02:36Barack Obama said all the right things
02:38to students at Brisbane University.
02:40My staff was very excited for Briz Vegas.
02:47When I arrived, they advised I needed some 4X.
02:54And just in case you didn't get the jokes,
02:57there weren't any.
02:59They were just references.
03:00But there's nothing Australians laugh at more
03:02than things that sound ironic and the mention of beer.
03:05David Cameron, though, was equally impressive
03:08when he spoke to a joint sitting of Parliament,
03:10bringing this sort of erudite speech-making to the Chamber.
03:13Not heard there since we elected a bunch of inarticulate boobs
03:16to represent us late last year.
03:17I think of your Indigenous culture
03:19with roots stretching back millennia.
03:22And I feel pride that Aboriginal Australians
03:25are now studying at Oxford and Cambridge.
03:28Of course, that's not to say
03:29that Tony didn't have his bit to say
03:31on Australia's Indigenous heritage.
03:33It's hard to think that back in 1788
03:35it was nothing but Bush.
03:40Nothing...
03:41No, nothing but Bush.
03:43That'd look great in the preamble to our Constitution,
03:45wouldn't it?
03:46As a gesture to...
03:47As a gesture of goodwill to reconciliation.
03:50So congratulations to Tony
03:53for his part in making the G20
03:55such a friendly one
03:56where past grievances were forgotten
03:58whether they were 50 years ago
04:00or still ahead of us
04:01or just last week.
04:04But the G20 wasn't just about
04:07gathering people together to talk about money.
04:09As this voiceover explains,
04:11there were...
04:12Various other groups meeting on the sidelines.
04:14There's the Y20, the Youth20,
04:16the B20, the business groups,
04:18and there's the L20,
04:19the International Labour Federations,
04:21and the Civic20,
04:22which is a civil society group.
04:24Also me with the Glenn20
04:25for a fresh round of talks,
04:28the Foreign20
04:29to discuss global pie warming,
04:31and of course Matchbox20
04:33who were performing at a 21st
04:34at the Woollongabba Scout Hall.
04:37And finally on the G20,
04:38I think ultimately
04:39it was really a chance for us
04:40to show off
04:41to the rest of the world's media.
04:43And can I just pause
04:44to congratulate our own media
04:45who really went all out
04:47to show the rest of the world's
04:48media what it is
04:49to live in a country
04:50with a free press
04:51and journalism second to none.
04:53And it's...
04:54It's pretty easy to see
04:57why none would have been
04:58more preferable.
05:00I want to draw your attention,
05:02if I may,
05:02not to the ad
05:03for the Super Chicken
05:04new mini cookbook,
05:06but to the Reds
05:07are coming headliner.
05:09I haven't seen that
05:10sort of quality fear-mongering
05:12since the 1950s.
05:13But then, you know,
05:14then they sort of undid
05:15all their good work
05:16on page 22
05:17by revealing
05:18all the security features
05:19on President Obama's car.
05:21Mind you,
05:22it seems to me
05:22the main weakness
05:23in security
05:24is that missing
05:24backseat door there.
05:26But as the glow
05:30of our global
05:31rock and roller
05:31Stedford fades
05:32and our welcome
05:33foreign visitors
05:34make their way home,
05:35it's back to business
05:36as usual for Australia,
05:37making sure
05:38our unwelcome
05:39foreign visitors
05:39never make
05:40their home here.
05:41Immigration
05:42Foreign Affairs
05:43Justice
05:43Agricultural Attorney-General
05:44Minister Scott Morrison
05:46has added health
05:47to his megaportfolio,
05:48having negotiated
05:49with the Nauru government
05:50for asylum seekers
05:52to be allowed
05:53to move freely
05:54around the island nation.
05:56Immigration spokes
05:57thinking Rosemary Kifflas
05:58are free-range
05:59asylum seekers
06:00a step towards
06:01having them
06:01be completely organic.
06:03Absolutely, Sean,
06:04and hopefully
06:05not long before
06:05they won't be subject
06:06to any processing
06:07at all.
06:08And this only applies
06:09to our refugee stocks
06:10on Nauru though,
06:11doesn't it?
06:11Yes, that's right, Sean,
06:12and to help consumers
06:13tell the difference
06:14they'll be stamped
06:14with this label
06:15just across their forehead.
06:19Mmm, delicious.
06:20Oh, incidentally, Rosemary,
06:22were there any plans
06:23to tow back
06:24the Russian Navy
06:24over the weekend
06:25if they strayed
06:26into our territorial waters?
06:27Uh, no, Sean,
06:29Operation Sovereign Borders
06:30only applies to foreigners
06:31that are in vessels
06:32that are smaller
06:33than ours.
06:34Oh, right.
06:35But on that,
06:36I must say,
06:36on that,
06:37our vicerecabin boy
06:38Sir Bobo Gargle,
06:38it must have been
06:39very exciting for you.
06:40The Russians poised
06:42on our doorstep,
06:42the Cold War
06:43hotting up again,
06:44the possibility
06:45of the Navy
06:45actually doing something
06:46other than blowing up
06:48its own decommissioned frigates.
06:49Yeah, no, no, no, Sean,
06:50nothing to worry about.
06:51The amassing of a convoy
06:53from a fleet
06:53off the coast
06:54of a country
06:55that one's leader
06:56is visiting
06:56is a perfectly normal
06:57and natural thing
06:58for a country to do.
06:59So when Mr Abbott
07:00visited China
07:00for APEC,
07:01we sent guided missile cruisers
07:03and guided missile destroyers
07:04to protect him,
07:04did we?
07:05Well, no, but
07:06no one had threatened
07:08Mr Abbott
07:08in the way
07:09that Mr Abbott
07:09had threatened
07:10Mr Putin
07:10so there was no need.
07:12Besides,
07:12we're scared
07:13of the Chinese.
07:14They'd vaporise
07:14our entire armada
07:16with a DF-21D
07:17anti-ship ballistic missile
07:18before we could
07:18shit ourselves
07:19with fear.
07:21Anyway,
07:22the Russians
07:22are gone now,
07:23Sean,
07:23there's nothing
07:23to worry about
07:23and we can get back
07:24to doing
07:24what the RAN
07:25does best,
07:26defending our personnel
07:27against wild accusations
07:28and training our young cadets to survive our own hazing rituals.
07:33But is it really over? Have the Russians gone?
07:36According to Moscow, these ships were testing their range capability
07:40in case they had to do climate change research in the Antarctic.
07:43It's an interesting approach, isn't it?
07:45Stop climate change by threatening it with guided missiles.
07:49Still, it is more than we're doing.
07:52But what were the Ruskies really up to?
07:54Captain first-ranked Marco Ramius joins us from his Typhoon-class nuclear submarine
07:59still off the coast of Brisbane.
08:01Sean, I think it's ridiculous to suggest that this is like something out of a Tom Clancy novel.
08:06We're simply scouting south for scientific research to see the state of the ice shelf.
08:11But you're armed, aren't you?
08:12You can see how being in this region might be taken as an aggressive act.
08:16People say it's a hostile posturing and some sort of stunt,
08:19but when push comes to shove and we see shells on the seashore,
08:22where we'd be stupid not to shoot back.
08:25Submarines are essential to the sovereignty of the Russian state.
08:28Well, that must be reassuring to hear that. Certainly, Bobo.
08:31Well, I was never worried, Sean.
08:33Whenever there's a crisis at sea, what I always do is lock myself in my cabin,
08:37light up an eco-soy candle and play some calming music.
08:42Beethoven's Fur Release, for example.
08:43And if that doesn't work?
08:45Well, then I Fur Release The Crackers!
08:48Oh, Mickey, you're so fine, you're so fine, you know I'm not.
08:54Hey, Mickey. Hey, Mickey.
08:58Oh, Mickey, you're so fine, you're so fine, you know I'm not.
09:04What? You missed your appearance.
09:07Oh, it's all right. I'll catch it later on iview.
09:09Last night, Tuna Best faced the biggest decision of her life.
09:19Now, Tuna, we need an answer. What's it to be?
09:22Would you prefer $20,000 or $375,000?
09:29Oh, Raz, I honestly don't know,
09:32but I'm going to say $20,000.
09:39You've just won $20,000!
09:42And tonight on You Get What You Ask For,
09:45find out if Tuna leaves or comes back to be given more money
09:49on the game show that's got everyone
09:51on the government's commissioner board at talking.
09:53You Get What You Ask For, 6.30 on your ABC.
09:56Well, like all Australians, we here at Mad As
10:01are concerned with wasting money at the ABC.
10:04We're constantly on the lookout for savings,
10:06things that we can privatise or outsource,
10:08anything, really, that we can report to the commission of audit
10:10in the hope of earning brownie points
10:12so we won't be axed or have our budget reduced.
10:15Let's face it, a show without a decent budget is...
10:17media circus.
10:20This week, our Mad As Hell informant is, uh...
10:23Tosh Greenslade.
10:24Now, Tosh, you are a cast member of Mad As Hell, aren't you?
10:27I am, Sean.
10:28I do various characters in interviews
10:29and fake news pieces like this one.
10:31Yeah, but not tonight, though.
10:32It's not tonight.
10:33You're you as you, not in character,
10:35actually on location with an investigative piece
10:37on profligate waste here at the ABC.
10:39That's right, Sean.
10:40I'm in managing director Mark Scott's office here in Sydney
10:43as a result of a tip-off.
10:44And if our information is right,
10:45we could save the Australian taxpayer a f***load of money.
10:50Don't swear, Tosh, you're not clever.
10:52Sorry, Sean.
10:53It's always a risk with unscripted real moments like this.
10:56Now, you say...
10:56You say you're in the managing director's office.
10:59Where is Mark Scott at the moment?
11:01Surely he should still be at work at this hour.
11:02It's typical of him to be at home after 8pm, Sean.
11:05But sacking him would only save several million dollars a year.
11:08The real savings are behind this wall.
11:11Now, Tosh, we are all familiar with the story
11:13of the famous Amber Room of Peter the Great,
11:15made of gold and looted by the Nazis in World War II,
11:17who are never found.
11:19Could this possibly be what's hidden
11:20behind Mark Scott's secret so-called office wall?
11:23Something even more valuable, Sean.
11:34Copper wires, Sean.
11:36Miles and miles of it, hidden all over the building
11:39in walls just like this.
11:40Bailed up and transported illegally,
11:42the Chinese would pay handsomely for this.
11:45These sewer pipes would fetch a pretty penny too
11:47in the Indian market.
11:48The CFMEU would like these half-bricks
11:50for when they're talking to potential witnesses
11:51at the Royal Commission.
11:52I estimate the contents of this wall alone
11:54could fund another series of friny fissure.
11:56Well, thanks.
11:57Thanks very much, Tosh.
11:58More if you got rid of Essie Davis.
12:00Right, thanks.
12:00Tosh Greenslade there,
12:01uncovering a hall of illicit wiring and plumbing
12:04in Mark Scott's unattended luxury office in Sydney,
12:07one of the most expensive cities to live in in the world.
12:12You'd better fix that up, Tosh, before he comes back.
12:15And now a story about one of our former Prime Ministers.
12:19Don't worry, it's not Goff.
12:20Former Prime Minister Julia Gillard
12:22is yet to officially respond to a recommendation
12:25from Council assisting the Royal Commission
12:26into trade union naughtiness.
12:29Aspects of her professional conduct
12:31apparently appeared questionable.
12:33In evidence, though, she said...
12:35None of us get to go in a time machine and go backwards.
12:38Obviously, if one got to do the whole thing again,
12:41you would do things differently.
12:43Our Royal Commission watcher Lois Price,
12:45could the availability of a time machine
12:47have helped Ms Gillard avoid this whole episode?
12:49Well, Sean, from my position high in the sky,
12:52the problem with her getting in a time machine
12:54and going back to that time
12:56is that she would then have travelled back to a time
12:58when time machines didn't exist,
13:00so there'd be no way she could then return to the present
13:02and not attend the Royal Commission
13:04that she wouldn't have been called to.
13:06So once she travelled back to that time,
13:08she'd have to go through her whole life again
13:10until such a time as time machines had been invented,
13:12and then travel forwards to the time of the Royal Commission.
13:14Yes, but for us, that would by then be the past.
13:18Yes, but that's a time when we're assuming time machines would exist,
13:21so she could get in another time machine
13:23and travel forwards in our time to the present.
13:25Yeah, but as soon as time machines were available,
13:28wouldn't the Coalition bundle the Royal Commission into one
13:31and send them back to the time when the allegations occurred
13:33to see what really happened?
13:35Yeah, but if Gillard got back there before the Commission
13:38and did some things differently,
13:39then they wouldn't get a true sense of what went on,
13:41so they'd have to either beat her back there
13:43or alternatively go back to a time before the time
13:45that Julia Gillard went back to.
13:47But then, like her, they've gone back to a time
13:49when time machines don't exist.
13:52That's right, so they wouldn't be able to hand down their findings
13:54until many, many years later when time machines existed,
13:57so they could then travel forwards to our present
13:59to hand their findings down.
14:00Yeah, but if she gets wind that they're going to find her guilty,
14:03she might not get in the time machine
14:05and come back to the present.
14:06She might decide to live in the past.
14:08Well, it's a tradition amongst former Labor Prime Ministers.
14:11Did any of this come up at the Royal Commission hearing?
14:14No, Roy Beveridge has gone psychotic,
14:16increasing prices on mediocre quality cane furniture.
14:20Get your arse into Roy's furniture barn
14:22and let Roy give you the cane.
14:23I'm lowest price for mad as hell.
14:26Thanks, Lois.
14:28But it's not just previous party leaders
14:29that are having troubles,
14:31with the Palmer United Party
14:32now appearing to have the most inaccurate name
14:34since Ron Innocent was convicted of 42 armed robberies.
14:37So what's gone wrong?
14:39Disenchanted party members blame the leader.
14:42He was saying what we all wanted to hear
14:43and we all got on board on that basis.
14:46But because the walk didn't match the talk,
14:50people have just become disenfranchised.
14:54Linguistics expert from Budding's University,
14:56Panadine Klump.
14:57If Clive Palmer's walk doesn't match his talk,
15:00the question then is,
15:01what talk would match his walk?
15:03Well, Sean, if you actually study Clive Palmer's walk...
15:06Yes.
15:07I think we have some vision here of it.
15:10Yes.
15:10You see, he's sort of got a bit of a hipster thing going on
15:14with the low-slung jeans.
15:15Yes.
15:15But then it settles into what is actually quite a waddle.
15:18Mm-hm.
15:18So if his talk was to match his walk,
15:21it would be more like, um...
15:23Fascinating.
15:31But what if he went the other way, though,
15:33and changed his walk?
15:34How would he have to walk
15:35to match the way he currently talks?
15:37Well, pretty much like this.
15:39Yes, I think we have some vision.
15:40But the love in the Palmer United Party,
15:53like the river of fish in an M.C. Escher lithograph,
15:56flows both ways.
15:58Clive calling Senator Lambie a drama queen
16:00and urging her to challenge for the leadership.
16:03What an interesting scenario if she won.
16:06Jackie Lambie leading the Palmer United Party,
16:08with Clive Palmer relegated to the back bench
16:10from this to this.
16:15But perhaps Clive and Jackie's problems
16:17stem from a simple misunderstanding,
16:19to be expected given that neither of them
16:21seemed capable of forming coherent sentences
16:23when speaking or even writing.
16:25Here's what Clive's press release said about
16:27whether Jackie was going to step down.
16:29Mr Palmer responded on Thursday,
16:32saying in a statement he hadn't received a resignation
16:34by mail, email or courier pigeon.
16:36I suppose a courier pigeon is like a carrier pigeon,
16:41except he rides a motorbike.
16:45For her part, Jackie had this to say
16:47about their relationship.
16:49The bottom line is Clive Palmer may have the power,
16:52but one green bottle falls off the wall
16:54and that leaves Clive Palmer without any power.
16:58Jackie Lambie's chief of staff, Dolly Norman,
17:00surely if one green bottle should accidentally fall,
17:03there'd be 99 left rather than just Clive Palmer.
17:06Um, well, Sean, it depends where you're up to in the song.
17:10Um, but Jackie...
17:11Jackie is at the end of her terrier.
17:15Um, she sees Clive as Humpty Dumpty,
17:19and if he falls, he'll take the whole house of cards down
17:22with Jill coming tumbling after.
17:24I see.
17:27Well, look, perhaps you can help me out with this one, all right?
17:29This is what Jackie said about Clive's failure
17:31to support her on the subject of increased pay for the ADF.
17:35Clive Palmer can no longer sit on the fence,
17:37and I'm not going to stand around and watch Clive Palmer backflipping.
17:42Can you backflip from a seated position on a fence?
17:44What, now?
17:48No, no, no, no, no, no.
17:49I just, I'm asking, I'm asking what it means.
17:51What, what, what did she mean?
17:53Oh, um, well, Sean, um, Jackie means what she says.
17:58Um, if Clive doesn't support her 100% on this,
18:01she's going to not do anything until something happens.
18:05She was elected by her Tasmania to represent their interests,
18:11and if she has to not do that in order to do that,
18:15then she will.
18:17All right, well, what did Senator Lambie mean, though,
18:20when she said that Mr Palmer was being
18:22antsy-pantsy about the whole issue?
18:25I mean, she seems to have combined the expression
18:27ants in your pants with fancy pants,
18:29when, in fact, what she meant to say was wishy-washy.
18:32Oh.
18:35OK, OK, what about when she said this
18:40about Australian IS fighters?
18:42The sooner they're taken out, the better off we'll be.
18:44The sooner they're taken out, the better off we'll be.
18:48She's one of our elected representatives.
18:51I don't know whether to be proud or terrified.
18:57What did, what did she...
18:59What does she mean by take them out?
19:01She didn't mean just kill them, did she?
19:03Oh, no, she meant take them out.
19:05For dinner.
19:06Dinner and a few drinks and then when their defences are down,
19:11kill them.
19:13Blow a poison dart in their neck
19:16or throw them off Reichenbach Falls.
19:19Which is a very beautiful part of Tasmania.
19:22Sean, um, you should, um, you should come down sometime, check it out.
19:29Still to come!
19:30Dishonourable discharge for Chinese soldier with slow reflexes.
19:36Questions over cost to taxpayers of world leaders get-together as Prime Minister books table for 15 for two-man meeting.
19:43And President Thane Sane Strains' handshake chain helps someone detain my name.
19:50A cop without a conscience.
19:55A thief on one last job.
19:59Will they do it?
20:00A politician with a score to settle.
20:02A call girl with a heart of steel.
20:05A priest with secrets for sale.
20:10A businessman killing time.
20:13A judge bent on revenge.
20:15A dentist who can't outrun his past.
20:21And the part-time cleaner who could bring down an empire
20:24if only she could remember the name of the man she saw at the window of the woman's apartment who disappeared.
20:29Get out of the way, you stupid bitch!
20:31What happens when you trust those you doubt and believe those you have no faith in?
20:36An all-new Australian thriller from the programmers who saw the ratings of the code.
20:41Largely incomprehensible.
20:44Coming soon to ABC.
21:11Yes, and we'll have more rolling coverage of the Climate Change Authority
21:32working on their emissions trading scheme report later on in the program.
21:36The time right now for...
21:38Well, apparently Iraq was in such urgent need of Australian troops that said it didn't want
21:48that it's now waited two months before allowing them into the country.
21:52Why the hold-up?
21:53It turns out they need special diplomatic visas.
21:56It's annoying, isn't it?
21:57And it makes you wonder what sort of country is slow to hand out visas
22:01just to make some sort of political point about territorial sovereignty.
22:04Special Forces Private Shirley Potter is at Al Minahead Air Base
22:09where she's been waiting for her visa to enter the Middle East.
22:12Can you hear me all right there, Private Potter?
22:18Yeah.
22:19There's a bit of a delay, Sean, but I can hear you loud and clear.
22:23It must have been frustrating to wait for so long.
22:25I knew the risks when I came over here, Sean.
22:33We're trained to endure three, four, at the most six weeks of intensive bureaucratic obfuscation.
22:39We're all holding up well.
22:41Yeah, I meant the satellite delay, but I guess you've spent time sitting there,
22:45sitting waiting in the UAE.
22:47Sorry?
22:47That must have been taxing for you.
22:49Yeah, no, it's nothing my grandfather didn't go through on the beaches of Gallipoli, Sean.
22:59His boat landed, he stormed ashore, and as he would often tell us,
23:03he was faced with a barrage of questions from Turkish immigration officials
23:06of the onshore processing centre there.
23:08This was after the war, obviously.
23:10Of course, during the war, it was even worse.
23:17Look, if it wasn't for this, my grandfather, he wouldn't have made it.
23:21Ah, yes, the Turkish visa application guidelines.
23:29Sean, he was wearing it in his breast pocket when he was hit.
23:32The bullet stopped just millimetres from his obligations
23:35under the long work stay type 401 visa he received.
23:38Finally, Private Potter, have you been told why the Iraqi government
23:41was dragging its feet on getting your boots on its ground?
23:45Yeah, no, no, we've only been told about what we've heard, Sean.
23:48It's something to do with the Iraqis being sensitive
23:50about having foreign forces on their soil.
23:53All right, thank you very much, Private Potter.
23:55And if you'd like to see more of that interview, I'd be very surprised.
24:01Now, to sport now, and speaking of Australia,
24:04with just two months to go to the Asian Cup,
24:07the official mascot has been unveiled as Nutmeg the Wombat.
24:12You can see him there.
24:13Hello, Nutmeg.
24:14Nutmeg, of course, can thank former marsupial trailblazers
24:18like Marlu the Kangaroo, the Wallabies Wally Wombat,
24:22Blinky Opossum from the Gay and Lesbian Firefighter Games,
24:26Mr Hulu, the Anorexic Koala from the Under-11 Mordialic Jet Ski Championships,
24:30Abergeldy, the Australian Darts Club Thylacine,
24:34as well as monotremes like Sydney 2000's Millie the Echidna,
24:38and Sid the Platypus, and, of course, Plonga,
24:40the prehistoric Sterogodon.
24:42Thanks to them for paving the way.
24:44Now, in this correspondent's opinion, though,
24:47it's good to see other stereotypical Aussie animals
24:49finally getting a run.
24:51Nutmeg was chosen ahead of fellow finalists
24:54Ephraim, the trapdoor spider,
24:56and Michelangelo, the E. coli-carrying fly.
25:01Well, two virulent strains of the flu
25:03are competing with each other
25:04in the free, unregulated market of getting sick.
25:07And it's affecting productivity
25:09in a way that confuses the metaphor I've used.
25:12Madass' medical reporter, Pansy Galileo,
25:14hopes to use the report in the showreel she's sending to Sky News.
25:18Pansy, this report is just a bit of filler
25:20during a slow news week, isn't it?
25:22Yeah, look, I'm really proud of it, Sean.
25:24I mean, it was tough getting it together
25:26after Monica left.
25:27She was originally working on it
25:28and then left to have the baby,
25:29so Tony took over,
25:30and I was helping her do the research,
25:32you know, mainly looking after Tony's printing
25:34and what have you.
25:35I was actually answerable to Peter Toovey,
25:37but Tony seconded me,
25:38so I worked on collating all the material she used for her notes,
25:41like the binding, stapling,
25:42ordering the videotape, organising the camera,
25:44and, like, we were all set to go and shoot it,
25:46and then she took a package
25:46when the cutbacks kicked in,
25:48and Peter was off with the Emmy,
25:49so Muggins here had to go and pull it all together
25:51at the last moment,
25:52and then I came down with the bloody flu,
25:54so then Nicola, she went and shot it,
25:55and I haven't even seen it yet
25:56because I just started work back today,
25:58and the desk is, like, full of work,
26:00and I've had the squirts all afternoon
26:01because I ate Ellen Fanny's cuss-cuss
26:04and it's been in the fridge for a fortnight,
26:06so I hope it's OK.
26:07All right, well, let's have a look at it, shall we?
26:09OK.
26:10It seems to happen every winter.
26:14People getting the flu.
26:15Is it just coincidence?
26:17Doctors say no.
26:18On Twitter, Jim52 says yes.
26:20So who to believe?
26:22And how do you know you've got it?
26:23Symptoms of the flu include
26:25sneezing, coughing, runny nose,
26:28feeling bad, and flu-like symptoms.
26:30So how to avoid it?
26:32One theory involves keeping warm.
26:35To do this,
26:36make sure you have a good source of heat in your home,
26:38such as a heater.
26:40Look out for broken
26:41or other non-working heaters
26:43as they provide no heat.
26:45Switch your working heater to on
26:46and be near it for best results.
26:49Cool rooms and industrial freezers
26:51generally provide little heat,
26:53so don't spend prolonged periods in them.
26:55Check with your employer
26:56to see if it's essential
26:57that your work be carried out in a cool room.
27:00For many employees,
27:01such as telephone sales staff and law clerks,
27:04your work can be just as efficiently
27:05carried out in a non-refrigerated space.
27:09Some activities traditionally thought to be warming
27:11really aren't at all.
27:13So don't waste time blinking,
27:16wearing masks,
27:17or making bottles whistle.
27:19None have been proven absolutely
27:21to ward off the flu.
27:23And that's the end of my story on the flu today.
27:26Bye-bye.
27:28And before we go,
27:29just one final thank you regarding the G20
27:31to opposition leader Bill Shorten,
27:33who very generously did not deliver
27:35one of his headline-grabbing
27:37anti-government zingers this week.
27:39It was a selfless act
27:40during Australia's quest for world relevancy
27:42and is to be saluted.
27:44Instead, he set up a great joke for Tony Abbott.
27:47They make a good team.
27:48And it just shows you what these two could accomplish
27:49if only they worked together more.
27:52Check it out.
27:52Bill sets it up
27:53and Tony knocks it out of the park.
27:55It turned into a political football
27:57and now, um,
27:59I think they look where...
28:00They've got egg on their face.
28:02Well, I had bacon and eggs for breakfast, so...
28:05No, it's not the same, is it?
28:10Goodbye.
28:13Giant baby.
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