Skip to playerSkip to main contentSkip to footer
Honky Kong
  • 6/12/2025
Original Broadcast Date: April 4th 2018

Category

📺
TV
Transcript
00:00People of Earth, attention.
00:30Thank you very much indeed.
00:38Now, I don't know if you've heard, but the Commonwealth Games started today, and that's, well, fair enough too, and I agree with you.
00:44I think it's just what the doctor ordered, to get rid of the terrible, conflicted pain we've been feeling over this whole Australia cricket debacle crisis thing.
00:52Finally, a bunch of sports that aren't cricket, where cheating is done the good old-fashioned way.
00:58Only detectable in your year and a month or so after the event.
01:03Not during it, on camera, when it spoils everybody's enjoyment.
01:07So, I'm looking forward to the Games, and from what I've seen so far, our young Aussie men and women are going to do us proud.
01:13The uniforms look great. Have you seen them? Have you seen the uniforms?
01:16I think we have footage of the uniforms looking great.
01:19There they are. They're fantastic.
01:21Whether it's shooting events, or the equestrian events, or the shooting events, or the track and field, or, as I think I mentioned, the shooting events, or the, what's that, sort of a discus thing.
01:32We are going to show the world that the Gold Coast is not just the place to get wasted during schoolies and trash your hotel room.
01:39You know, you can do it all year round.
01:42And when I say show the world, I obviously mean those parts of the world that were colonised by the British.
01:47And to all of those out there who have been critical of the highly visible police force, ABF, and army presence, remember, it's just to send a message to everyone visiting that, while you are most welcome to come to our country and watch your country lose against us in the swimming, once that's happened, get out or we'll shoot you.
02:05OK, now, a little bit later in the show, we'll be, like a lot of you, still getting disproportionately angry about the cricket, with our expert panel, led, as usual, by Caspar Jonquil.
02:15But I don't host the sport!
02:19First up, though, I'd like to get mad as hell, and we check with the Pope over the weekend, there is still a hell.
02:27And thank God there is, because I'd like to get as mad as it over this.
02:32Old age pensioners!
02:37Yes, yes, spare a thought, if you have more than one, for old age pensioners, like my own nonna here.
02:43First, they get told this...
02:46Interest rates will always be lower under a coalition government.
02:49And then they get told this...
02:51Pensioners will always be better off under a Labour government.
02:54Now, if you smell smoke, it's probably coming from the fried brains of pensioners with mortgages.
02:59Is it any wonder most of them are confused and talk rubbish?
03:02And it's this confusion...
03:04LAUGHTER
03:05It's this confusion, I believe, that's seen so many of them flock like seagulls to the hot chips of One Nation.
03:13LAUGHTER
03:14Then our Prime Minister makes things worse by actually visiting these pensioners and saying this...
03:21We've come to meet the people that Bill Shorten wants to rob.
03:24LAUGHTER
03:25Presumably so they can get in first.
03:31And this thing is...
03:33It worries them.
03:35It worries them.
03:35And Labour's proposed dividend imputation franking thing has only poured ink into the already muddied waters
03:41that these pensioners are occasionally forced to take a bath in.
03:44So it made sense for Bill Shorten to clarify the issue
03:48as to whether hundreds of thousands of pensioners would be worse off under his new policy.
03:52We'll have more to say about that in coming weeks.
03:55LAUGHTER
03:56Now really, Bill, what sort of answer is that?
03:58Ask me later when someone's told me what the answer is.
04:01I mean, they're pensioners, Bill.
04:03They might not be alive in coming weeks.
04:05LAUGHTER
04:05Then, less than a week later, instead of the coming weeks, he promised, typical Labour,
04:11Bill announces this.
04:12Today I'm pleased to announce that Labour will protect all pensioners
04:17from the changes to dividend imputation policy.
04:21We are calling this our pensioner guarantee.
04:25No pensioner will be affected, or every pensioner will be protected
04:30by and from our dividend imputation changes.
04:35LAUGHTER
04:35A guarantee that every pensioner will be protected by and from the dividend imputation policy.
04:43The policy will protect you from itself.
04:46LAUGHTER
04:46There's a protection racket, if ever I've heard one.
04:49And there's hardly a vote winner.
04:51I mean, it'd be like me going round at my nonna's house
04:53and threatening to burn the place down unless she leaves me everything in her will.
04:57Then leaving and turning up 20 minutes later and saying,
04:59hey, you know that guy that was in here threatening to burn the house down?
05:02Don't worry, I'm going to make sure he doesn't do it,
05:04and all you have to do is leave me everything in your will.
05:06LAUGHTER
05:07It's cruel and it's opportunistic.
05:10If it was up to me, the elderly would be banned from voting,
05:13given that they don't have a vested interest in the future.
05:15LAUGHTER
05:16And I say that with kindness.
05:22Anyway, later on, I'll be talking to Ian Sapiens
05:25from the Self-Managed Superannuation Fund Association
05:28on an equally important side issue.
05:31Ian, isn't it an inherent contradiction for these self-managed funds
05:34to have you managing them?
05:37Well...
05:37I mean, you shouldn't actually exist, should you?
05:40But...
05:41Isn't it the same sort of ill-conceived irony
05:43as buying a self-help book written by somebody else?
05:46I'm sorry if this has come as a shock to you.
05:48No, no, you're absolutely right.
05:49My whole life's...
05:50LAUGHTER
05:51My whole life's been a sham.
05:57Good.
05:58The thing is, though, things are much better for the government
06:01when it comes to selling their economic policies.
06:03As we know, the government has decided
06:05to pull its company tax card bill to avoid Senate defeat.
06:08And this is actually the same tactic the government used
06:10in the Batman by-election.
06:13LAUGHTER
06:13Not fielding a candidate in order to avoid defeat.
06:18So I'm thinking, why not use this face-saving,
06:21if slightly embarrassing, strategy
06:22in the run-up to the next news poll?
06:24To avoid consecutive defeat number 30,
06:26simply dissolve the government and deregister the party
06:29so it doesn't exist.
06:31And then leave it like that till next year
06:33so they can't lose the next election.
06:35I'm just spit-balling here.
06:36It's not a bad idea, though, is it?
06:37LAUGHTER
06:38Of course, without the company tax cut,
06:41business confidence suffers.
06:42Business has, in the last week,
06:43grown uncertain, introspective, withdrawn, moody, irritable.
06:47It's snapping at people.
06:48The light in its eyes has gone out.
06:51So...
06:52LAUGHTER
06:52..at least there's a saving in power costs there.
06:55LAUGHTER
06:56Business is frustrated that the government and the opposition
06:59can't cooperate to deliver company tax reform.
07:01It's the sort of cooperation that business itself exemplifies
07:05by responding to the trade union's call for a $50 increase
07:08to the minimum wage
07:09by embracing the spirit of consensus
07:11and calling for an increase of zero.
07:13LAUGHTER
07:14Jemima Antifreeze from the ACTU.
07:17You'll actually negotiate something much less than the $50, won't you?
07:20Because this is an ambit claim, isn't it?
07:22No.
07:22Yes, it is.
07:23No, it isn't.
07:24Yes, it is.
07:24Would you accept possibly?
07:25What about probably?
07:26How about maybe?
07:27Deal.
07:28But it's only maybe.
07:28LAUGHTER
07:29We're going to take a very Gary Oldman-in-Air Force One-based approach
07:32to these negotiations.
07:34So when the employers reject one of our offers,
07:36our claim increases.
07:38Mm.
07:38All right, Byron.
07:39Uh, Byron Trypogler from the National Retail Association.
07:42They want $50.
07:43Is there some room for negotiation here?
07:45Absolutely, if they can shave a bit off that amount.
07:47And how much will they need to shave off?
07:48$50.
07:49All right.
07:50Jemima, they're offering zero.
07:52Well, we want $60 now.
07:53All right, now we're offering minus $10.
07:56What, you're taking $10 off the minimum wage?
07:58Yep.
07:59We want $100.
08:00We're sacking them.
08:01$5,000 a week.
08:02We'll kill them.
08:03Oh, well...
08:04No, you can't kill them.
08:06It's an ambit claim.
08:08We'll just maim them.
08:10All right, well, good on you for meeting with the middle.
08:13All right, thank you, Byron Trypogler and Jemima Antifreeze,
08:15and many thanks.
08:16I want multi-millions of thanks.
08:18All right, what about very many?
08:19Done.
08:20Jemima, very many thanks.
08:21I fucking screwed you.
08:24Now, before we go on, a quick plug for the government's
08:27new infomercial channel, which the PM
08:28launched just recently.
08:30Here's a snippet or two.
08:31Now, Mark, you're our host.
08:33Tell us about how you feel about this and what this means
08:37and about the great export business that you have here at Blue Scope.
08:41It's well-timed.
08:41It's cheap.
08:42Yeah, it's good.
08:43And, Mark, the products that you sell in California,
08:48about, in terms of the cost of that,
08:50about half the value is created here and about half over there.
08:54And it's good for jobs in California.
08:56A win on both sides of the Pacific.
08:57Correct.
08:58That's what it's all about.
09:00Great stuff.
09:01And there is talk of Julie Bishop doing one as well for her fab jewellery.
09:04So, we look forward to that one as well.
09:07Well, still to come, Chinese space station crashes to Earth.
09:11The lengths they'll go to dump their steel here.
09:14But right now, as something even more urgently in need of our crossness,
09:21no need for a title on this one.
09:27As someone concerned with national security,
09:31opposition defence spokesman Richard Marles
09:33has understandably turned his attention to the ball-tampering scandal,
09:36saying that the men in the world are now calling Los Trios Diablos.
09:40He says they've cheated in the name of Australia,
09:43and in that sense, it really does reflect upon all of us.
09:46Now, a quick carve-out here, if I may.
09:48Firstly, I wasn't there.
09:49I wasn't involved.
09:50I have no interest in cricket.
09:52I don't know these people,
09:53and I had nothing to do with their selection.
09:55How does it reflect on me?
09:58Barnaby Joyce is part of the f***ing Government of Australia.
10:00Does...
10:00..does his behaviour reflect on all of us?
10:04Are we all having affairs?
10:06Well, OK, in your case, yes,
10:10but it doesn't necessarily follow.
10:13I am not my brother's keeper,
10:15nor his slips cordon or short mid-wicket.
10:18Of course, every former champion of the game has a view on this.
10:22Our international teams, those who represent Australia,
10:27actually represent the country, our values...
10:30Now, two things there.
10:31I think she's right.
10:32Those who represent Australia do represent our country.
10:35And secondly,
10:36why are we leaving the representation of our values
10:39to people based on their ability
10:40to hit, throw, kick, bowl and catch a ball?
10:44Well, maybe it's because our values are the ability
10:46to hit, throw, kick, bowl and catch a ball.
10:48Anywho, Ms Bishop went on to further reckon
10:50that it was very sad the players thought they could get away
10:53with ball tampering and do it so obviously.
10:56Exactly.
10:57If there'd been a bit more subterfuge,
10:58it wouldn't be so sad.
11:01Anyway, like any pile-on, it's been fun,
11:03but once you hear a bone break,
11:05it makes you feel guilty
11:06and you know it's time to get off,
11:07say enough and pretend everybody else was doing it
11:10and not you.
11:11We've all forgiven them,
11:12except for David Warner, obviously.
11:15But what about the sponsors,
11:16those companies that give these players money
11:18to hold, touch, point at, wear the logo's of
11:21and sometimes use their products?
11:23Major sponsor Magellan,
11:24a wealth management company
11:26who have managed to increase their wealth
11:27by more than 10 million
11:28by withdrawing their sponsorship,
11:30stated that the ball tampering in South Africa
11:32was so inconsistent with their values
11:34that they had no option.
11:36Qantas, though, said it would continue its sponsorship.
11:40Presumably because ball tampering
11:42is consistent with their values.
11:45Sanitarium, the makers of Weet-Bix,
11:47are out, saying Weet-Bix ambassadors
11:48represent our brand values of trust and integrity.
11:52Russian ambassadors, apparently not so much.
11:54But with Sanitarium withdrawing their Weet-Bix ambassador,
11:57the question remains,
11:58who now runs the Weet-Bix embassy?
12:03Do they think diplomatic relations
12:06between the Australian government and Sanitarium
12:08are just going to maintain themselves?
12:10Are they mad?
12:11And if so, shouldn't they be called Sanatorium?
12:17No, no.
12:19No, this is not the time for cheap jokes.
12:23Alternatively, why not just change the name
12:25of their product to Cheat-Bix?
12:27Also, the Commonwealth Bank
12:31has also severed ties with Steve Smith.
12:33Understandably, they'd be mortified
12:35to be associated with any activity outside the rules.
12:39Now, no word from Gillette yet,
12:41although they might be feeling a bit awkward about it
12:43all, given that they actually sell a device
12:45often used to alter the texture of a surface.
12:47But what about the effect all this is having
12:50on those who revere these gods as role models,
12:53and perhaps more significantly, their parents?
12:55Brienne and Ouch, you're furious about the impact
12:58the Australian cricketer's behaviour has had
12:59on your 10-year-old son.
13:01How dare they, Sean?
13:04How dare they do this to my son?
13:08How am I supposed to explain to him
13:11that physical talent is different to morality?
13:14By actually saying it to him?
13:19Sean, kids look up to these guys.
13:21They listen to what they say and they mimic their behaviour.
13:24And you can see their influence on your son?
13:26Oh, yeah, absolutely.
13:28He drinks Milo.
13:30He eats Wheat Bix and KFC.
13:33He wears ASICs.
13:34He watches an LG TV.
13:36He bets with the Commonwealth.
13:38He flies with Qantas.
13:39He shaves with a Gillette Razor.
13:41He drinks Forex gold.
13:44He drives a Toyota.
13:46He gambles with Bet365.
13:48His investment portfolio is with Magellan.
13:51Right, right, right.
13:52And he sledges me six hours a day.
13:54Yes.
13:56But I don't want him to be negatively influenced
13:58by this sort of thing.
13:59No, of course...
13:59I mean, who is he going to look up to now for a role model, huh?
14:02You?
14:04Me?
14:05I'm his mother.
14:07I don't have time for that.
14:09That's why you outsource all this role model shit to sports people.
14:14Well, thank you, Brianna.
14:16But right now, sport.
14:18And just months out from Wimbledon,
14:20a bad break for Australia with news that...
14:23George Brandis has suffered a tennis injury.
14:25Bookmakers, however, still have him at even money
14:30to advance further into the tournament than Bernard Tomek.
14:37Also...
14:38A group of Indian nationals has been arrested at Brisbane Airport
14:41after allegedly claiming to be journalists
14:43covering the Commonwealth Games.
14:46The eight people were found to be carrying
14:47fraudulent media accreditation.
14:49Customs officers' suspicions were raised
14:51by the fact that eight people were claiming to be interested
14:54in the Commonwealth Games.
15:00Still to come later in the week.
15:10Jack Irish are doing second-unit pick-ups
15:13at the same row of abandoned shops
15:14that right when a film Richard Roxbury
15:16were getting into a cab outside the front of.
15:17Locations.
15:22I remember when they didn't bother.
15:24MDA, Bed of Roses, something in the air,
15:26all in the studio.
15:28Looked shithouse, but, jeez, it saved some time.
15:30You're up against those bastards at Netflix.
15:33You've got to up your production values.
15:34Did I ever tell you about the time
15:36when Rebecca Gibney asked to borrow my chap's...
15:39I don't need to tell you it's a fractured media landscape
15:49out there, and we need every break
15:50the international distributors can cut for us.
15:53As Minister for the Arts,
15:53I know the value of decent funding for our Aussie dramas
15:56just as much as I can tell a poorly written bit of exposition.
15:58Get your mind off!
16:05The cappuccino machine
16:06is like Pierce's demountables to die for.
16:08But in the end, I just knocked him unconscious.
16:11I remember when I was working on Friny Fisher.
16:16Bessie Davis had a Nutribullet
16:17and she wouldn't let anyone else use it.
16:19In the end, if we wanted a smoothie,
16:21we had to go over to the Janet King set
16:22and tie a tomato Dusseldorp
16:24while she had a fit about something.
16:28We're telling you, we know where it's at.
16:42Welcome back.
16:43And to give us an idea
16:43what our contestants will be up to a little later in the show,
16:46here's Maggie.
16:47Yeah, that's exactly right, Sean.
16:48And a big day out on the volcano today
16:50with Belinda here.
16:52And Belinda, Wacka showed you a really good time
16:54taking you on that high-octane picnic.
16:56But when the helicopter went out of control
16:59and the zipline broke,
17:00oh, I really thought you were both gone.
17:03Yeah, it was just a magical experience, Maggie.
17:05And I thought he was going to say that he loved me
17:07because we'd pashed in the crater.
17:09But then the fumes from the lava overcame him
17:12and he blacked out.
17:13And my bikini fell off.
17:16Sounds like a good one.
17:18Sean.
17:19Yes.
17:19Thanks very much, Maggie.
17:20And one of the many advantages
17:24of allowing American culture to take over our country
17:27is the time and effort we save with language.
17:30For example, where we used to say nude and nudity,
17:33it's now simply the American nude and nudity.
17:36We've lost the tedious and time-consuming yuh sound.
17:39Although, ironically, not from the phrase time-consuming.
17:42Interesting.
17:43But Malcolm Turnbull has found that lost yuh sound
17:46and put it into a word that previously didn't have it.
17:49I'll go through the resolution.
17:54That's right. Resolution. Yes.
17:56I want to hear that again.
17:58Obviously, a similar resolution will be proposed in the Senate.
18:01And this is what the resolution would say.
18:03The House resolves one that not later than 21 days
18:06from the date of the resolution...
18:08Our goal is to support a peaceful and speedy resolution.
18:16Yeah.
18:17No, I like it.
18:18It's a very inclusive thing,
18:20putting the you back in resolution.
18:22But, look, you know,
18:23it's very easy to make fun of the way our political leaders speak
18:27and fun as well,
18:28as I will now demonstrate in a new segment called...
18:31Don't sit under the pedantry
18:33With anyone else but me
18:36Well, joining me is a lecturer in pedantics
18:39from Boxfield TAFE
18:40and mad-as-hell golden age character
18:42Professor Ian Orbsbider.
18:43Salutations, Professor Short.
18:46Oh, God.
18:47Well, first up, here's Bill Shorten
18:49talking about what he'll do
18:50if insurance companies up in the Northern Territory
18:52decide to welch on any claims for property damage
18:54caused by Cyclone Marcus.
18:56If they are not behaving in the best spirit of recovery,
19:01then we will be all over them like a tonne of bricks.
19:04Now, that's not right.
19:06Isn't the expression,
19:07I'll be all over you, like a rash?
19:09Quite right, Professor Shorten.
19:11Perhaps Bill thought it best not to compare himself
19:13to something as minor as a dermatological condition.
19:16Yes, Bill can be irritating,
19:18but I think he wants to be more than that.
19:20And yes, Bill could have said,
19:22I'll be all over you like a cheap suit,
19:24but given that a cheap suit is often all over Bill,
19:27he probably thought it best not to use that
19:29as an analogical comparator.
19:30Fusing together,
19:33I'll be all over you like a rash or a cheap suit
19:34with it hit me like a tonne of bricks
19:37reminds us not only of Bill's roots as a trade unionist,
19:39but also the damage that Cyclones can do to buildings.
19:43I suppose trying to sum it up,
19:45just the right old cliche on the spot
19:47can be difficult for our more witless politicos.
19:50As difficult as putting lightning in a bottle, Sean.
19:52Hang on, hang on, hang on.
19:53No, no, no, hang on.
19:54We haven't finished yet.
19:55Oh.
19:56Another one to do.
19:56OK.
19:56Here's former Prime Minister
20:00slash Prime Ministerial hopeful Tony Abbott
20:03at Pauline Hanson's book launch.
20:05And you are certainly confirmation of that old adage
20:08that you are always better the second time around.
20:15You are always better the second time around.
20:17I don't think I've ever heard that expression of my nose.
20:20It's a little bit too Buddhist for Tony, isn't it, Sean?
20:22Perhaps he was thinking of the Frank Sinatra lyric,
20:24Love is lovelier the second time around.
20:27Oh, I don't know.
20:28Let's try it.
20:29Love is lovelier the second time around.
20:35Yeah, no, that doesn't really work, does it?
20:36Anyway, thank you very much, Ian.
20:38No, no, no, no, no.
20:39No.
20:41But I don't want to take anything away
20:43from the way Mr Abbott spoke at Pauline's launch.
20:45Mr Abbott was complimentary, as was tea and coffee.
20:48He said this to Pauline.
20:57And if I may say so, Pauline,
21:00adversity has made you a better, deeper person.
21:05And let's not forget Mr Abbott's role in that adversity.
21:08He can take a lot of credit
21:09for Pauline's personal improvement slash imprisonment.
21:12And Pauline seems grateful to Tony for it
21:16in a way that others might see as Stockholm Syndrome.
21:19Not that I'm suggesting Pauline doesn't have a sense of proportion
21:22about what she's been through.
21:23Like Nelson Mandela did,
21:25after 28 years in prison,
21:27he forgave and he forgot.
21:30And I think that's what we need to do.
21:32Yes, yes.
21:35Yes, forgiveness, of course,
21:37being just one of the many similarities
21:38between her and Nelson Mandela.
21:41But One Nation co-founder David Oldfield
21:43says in his own words that
21:45in her own words is not in her own words,
21:48claiming he wrote many of the speeches from that era.
21:51Well, respect, David Oldfield.
21:55It's, uh...
22:00APPLAUSE
22:01Yeah, it takes guts to make an admission like that.
22:11And Pauline, invoking the forgiving spirit of Nelson Mandela,
22:14responded by saying,
22:15I've got no time for David Oldfield.
22:17I'd like to see him get bitten by a deadly snake.
22:21LAUGHTER
22:21But right now...
22:24Yeah, sorry, can I do my lightning thing?
22:26What's that?
22:26My lightning thing.
22:28I say the word lightning and then I get hit by lightning.
22:30It is a character thing that I do.
22:32Well, the audience wants to see my lightning thing, don't you?
22:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
22:36No, it's a good idea,
22:38cos we do need the chair for another interview, so...
22:39OK.
22:40Yep.
22:42BUZZER
22:43LAUGHTER
22:43Yes, very good.
22:46Well, thank you very much, Dr Ian.
22:50APPLAUSE
22:50Sorry.
22:56Well, props to the federal government
22:58for finally doing something about the high costs of energy
23:01in this country.
23:02Yes, a few months back,
23:03the PM got the CEOs of the energy companies together,
23:06so pictures could be taken to create the impression
23:09he was being tough with them.
23:10I particularly like that one
23:12where he's bawling his hands into fists
23:13to show that he's serious.
23:15It reminds me of somebody.
23:16I can't quite think who it is, though.
23:18I can't remember.
23:19Anyway, for some reason,
23:20these non-government companies
23:22didn't do what the government was telling them.
23:23No, it took the energy minister, of all people,
23:26to act decisively and effectively
23:28where the PM could not.
23:30Yes, last week,
23:31Josh Frydenberg announced that he plans
23:33to ask the Australian Energy Market Commission
23:35to amend the national energy rules
23:37so that customers can submit a photograph
23:39of their data on their power metre
23:41to email energy providers
23:43when they receive their grossly inaccurate power bills.
23:46Now, not only will this potentially solve
23:48the age-old problem of energy providers
23:50charging whatever the f*** they want,
23:52it's a great opportunity for professional photographers
23:54specialising in gauges, like...
23:56LAUGHTER
23:58Like Carl Michelangelo Pugh.
24:02LAUGHTER
24:03That's right, Sean.
24:06These photographs are too important
24:07to be taken by just anybody.
24:09Sure.
24:10You need the right lens.
24:12Light is very important, obviously.
24:14I try to create a comfortable mood for the gauge
24:17when I am shooting it.
24:19Sure.
24:19And you have to remember,
24:20they are all very different.
24:22The gauge on a gas meter, for example,
24:24needs a softer filter
24:25because one must be sensitive to its age.
24:29Whereas an electricity meter
24:31is more fun and vibrant.
24:32And I find it works best
24:34with a low-angle action shot,
24:36maybe perhaps with the lid cheekily half-open.
24:39LAUGHTER
24:40As if to say,
24:42come and get me.
24:43OK.
24:44And what about a water gauge?
24:47Oh, they are the most adventurous of all.
24:49Oh, they love the attention.
24:52Sometimes I get the owner
24:54and maybe a neighbour
24:54to drape themselves naked
24:56over the pipework.
24:57LAUGHTER
24:58And simply just point at the data.
25:00Sure.
25:01But there's no pressure.
25:03Well, I...
25:04LAUGHTER
25:05LAUGHTER
25:06LAUGHTER
25:07LAUGHTER
25:08LAUGHTER
25:09I would have thought
25:11they would be on a water gauge.
25:12LAUGHTER
25:14APPLAUSE
25:15It's up to there.
25:21LAUGHTER
25:22But do not forget,
25:23this is about getting an accurate picture
25:25of the numbers on the gauge.
25:26This is not about art for art's sake.
25:29This...
25:29This is a purpose in and of itself.
25:32It is about saving money for the energy consumer.
25:35And even a small amount can help.
25:37And how much do you charge?
25:38$7,000 a day.
25:40LAUGHTER
25:41And if you would like to see some of Carmichael Angelo's work,
25:43you can visit our website,
25:45or alternatively, you can just watch it here now and not bother.
25:48LAUGHTER
25:49One, two, three!
25:50One, two, one, two.
26:17LAUGHTER
26:18You've got less pay.
26:38For good old-fashioned service, get off your arse occasionally and do your shopping in a real supermarket, you miserable, lazy, deliveroo-addicted turds.
26:48Welcome back.
26:52Well, former Attorney-General Philip Ruddock, who is running the Federal Inquiry into whether our existing religious freedoms can cope with the recommendations made by last year's Royal Comm...
27:00Oh, no. Philip Ruddock.
27:04To...
27:04LAUGHTER
27:05Thank you. That's my story. Thank you.
27:08Anyway, last Thursday, Phil released the submissions he'd received and now has to decide whether our rights to worship the supernatural deity of our choice
27:17sits with the rights of those who tell us how to do it.
27:20Balthazar Fruit Shock lifts the lid.
27:24Disgraced magician Rod Camberley is a convicted mass murderer.
27:28While in prison, he says he was visited by an angel who told him to start his own tax-exempt religion.
27:34In solitary confinement for his own safety, she told him that once he got out, he should devote himself to helping people in the community prepare for the next life, according to the strict letter of the secular law.
27:47Unlike a lot of the mainstream churches, I've admitted my crimes, I've done my time, and I'm prepared to accept all of the recommendations made by the Royal Commission in the running of my business.
27:56Rod makes a good point.
27:59When hearing confession, for example, the Royal Commission has recommended it be conducted in an open space within the clear line of sight of another adult.
28:08Can I have a screwdriver?
28:10Rod and his wife, the amazing Neptina, have worked hard to embrace these new standards, while still preserving the sanctity of the traditional confessional experience,
28:19by converting one of the Houdini escape water tanks from his act into a soundproof booth.
28:25The sacrament is administered with both parties inside and at full view of the audience.
28:32They cannot hear the confession because of the thickness of the glass and the high volume of the music being played.
28:42The recommendations also call for any criminal offences revealed during confession be reported to police, something some churches are resisting,
28:51but which Rod and Neptina are more than happy to go with, given their relationship with the police as paid informants.
28:57At the end of the day, Rod is like most religious organisations, only human.
29:04But he is prepared to minister to the needy and gullible of our community, to bring them comfort and hope in a fully transparent, tax-exempt fashion,
29:13which, unlike the Catholics, the Anglicans, the Jehovah's Witnesses, or those adhering to the halachic concepts of Miserah, Mosa and Losh and Horro,
29:23is not in direct contravention of the law.
29:26Enjoy!
29:28Plus, he's not an Islamic terrorist.
29:31Back to you, Sean.
29:37Thank you, Balthazar.
29:38A joint ABC News Corp investigation there.
29:41Well, not coming up because Sando's on in a minute.
29:44The sign explains why investigation is taking so long.
29:52And could the Commonwealth Games mascot be any more shithouse?
29:56I can't see how.
29:57Well, finally, spare a thought for Barnaby Joyce.
30:05After all the travail of the last couple of months, he's suffered yet another fatal body blow.
30:09Turns out the Australian Pesticides and Veterinary Medicines Authority, which Barn moved from Canberra to Armidale in his New England electorate in 2016,
30:17lost more than half of its workforce, with only a quarter saying they were likely to stay on.
30:22Which makes me think, if only the pesticides the APVMA are making had that sort of strike rate.
30:29So, uh, so farmers, send your thrips, locusts and fruit flies to Armidale today, care of this address.
30:36Goodbye.
30:39Jack, baby.
30:39Jack, baby.
30:41Jack, baby.
30:42Jack, baby.
30:43Jack, baby.
30:44Jack, baby.
30:45Jack, baby.
30:46Jack, baby.
30:47Jack, baby.
30:48Jack, baby.
30:49Jack, baby.
30:50Jack, baby.
30:51Jack, baby.
30:52Jack, baby.
30:53Jack, baby.
30:54Jack, baby.
30:55Jack, baby.
30:56Jack, baby.
30:57Jack, baby.
30:58Jack, baby.
30:59Jack, baby.
31:00Jack, baby.
31:01Jack, baby.
31:02Jack, baby.
31:03Jack, baby.
31:05Jack, baby.
31:06Jack, baby.
31:07Jack, baby.
31:08Jack, baby.