00:00I was ashamed to be a seahorse dad.
00:02Now I'm planning to get pregnant again.
00:04When you go outside, you got a lot of eyes,
00:06a lot of different people saying certain things.
00:08Somebody said, oh, hell no.
00:10That's scary.
00:11And somebody said, freak no.
00:13Then somebody also said, sell the baby.
00:16So how do you feel about the fact that I want 10 kids?
00:19Our journey was hard and rough.
00:22It's just something that I personally would not want to go through again.
00:28Call me.
00:29Brush your teeth.
00:31Yes, I'm going to brush your teeth.
00:33My name is Javonte.
00:34I'm a trans dad with a two-year-old son.
00:37This is my son, Kason.
00:39Kason is a very outgoing child.
00:44Brush your teeth.
00:45He is a fast learner.
00:48He's smart, intelligent, and many different other things.
00:53Good job.
00:55Growing up, I hated being a female.
00:58It's sad to say, but I was always disgusted with myself.
01:01I felt like I was a man inside of a woman's body.
01:05Just looking in the mirror was, like, uncomfortable for me.
01:09Now I love to look in the mirror.
01:10I look in the mirror all the time now.
01:12Do you remember when I had a beard?
01:14Yes.
01:14No, you don't.
01:16Should I grow my beard?
01:17No.
01:18Put it down.
01:19Well, put it down.
01:20When I was about eight or nine, I used to look up females that turned to men and stuff like
01:27that.
01:28I wasn't seeing full-blown transition at that time.
01:31But I would see females that dressed masculine.
01:35So I was like, okay.
01:36I took that rule of dresser masculine.
01:39But I kept still feeling like this is not enough.
01:42I ran into a trans guy.
01:45I think I was maybe, like, 12 or 13.
01:48And they was like, oh, he used to be a girl.
01:50And then I'm like, you could do that.
01:52So then I started doing deeper research.
01:54Yeah, play cards.
01:56Play cards.
01:56So when did you eventually start your medical transition?
02:01I started medically transitioning at 18, directly after my birthday.
02:07It felt wonderful.
02:08My first time taking a shot, it just felt like this is what I've wanted this whole entire time.
02:15Having boy time for my son actually feels great.
02:18Feels like the piece that I was missing.
02:22Where's you going?
02:24Where's you going?
02:26Do you think your parenting style works well for raising a son?
02:30Um, I feel like my parenting style works well.
02:33It can be a little hard sometimes because, um...
02:36Daddy, hi, see.
02:37Okay, go hi.
02:38Because of the way he is.
02:41But other than that, it's perfectly fine.
02:45Daddy.
02:46Boo!
02:47Ah!
02:48Ah!
02:50Ah!
02:51Ah!
02:52Ah!
02:53Ah!
02:54My ex name is Kayla.
02:56She's my baby mother and we co-parent.
02:58When I first met Kayla, I think I was about 14 years old.
03:02We end up becoming best friends.
03:04And then a few years later, we was in a relationship.
03:07After I transitioned, I was like, I'm going to go ahead and get the experience to carry a child.
03:12before I had my bottom surgery I was the one who decided that I wanted to carry
03:17the baby, not Kayla. And what process did you go through to get pregnant? I stopped
03:23taking testosterone to conceive my son. I did want to keep all my masculine
03:29features but I was willing to take a risk to stop to conceive my son. I did AI
03:36insemination. I found the Facebook group and I found the person that fits me best.
03:42We actually tried one time, it didn't work. I kind of gave up on that one time but
03:48then the second time was the charm. I can't believe I was ever pregnant.
03:52Sometimes I just like look at this and it's just like it really takes a strong
03:57person to do something like this. Did you feel ashamed to be a seahorse dad? I felt
04:05masculine features and I had a stomach as well so that could be very confusing
04:10for a lot of people and it's just like when you go outside you got a lot of
04:14eyes, a lot of different people saying certain things. I felt so like I had to be
04:19quiet and more so hide everything. The only time I felt comfortable was in the
04:27comfort of my own home. When I told my family I was pregnant they were actually
04:32flabbergasted. I actually didn't want none of my friends to know but I
04:35told my two closest friends at the time. Why did you feel the need to hide it?
04:39Because I didn't want to deal with the backlash of hearing the all the
04:45negative things that everybody has to say because what people really genuinely
04:49don't understand, trans people are still hearing me. On top of that I was still
04:53dealing with pregnancy hormones as well. After I gave birth to Kaysen I was in
05:01disbelief like I didn't believe he came out of me. It took a little minute for me to
05:04realize this is my child. I started posting about me being pregnant as a
05:09trans man when my son was close to turning one and my phone was just like
05:14ringing off the chart after I posted the TikTok video.
05:17Why did you decide to post a video as a pregnant dad?
05:20Just to make myself feel more secure and to get comfort from other trans dads. I got
05:27positive responses, negative responses, all different types of responses. Here's some
05:33negative comments I got for example. Somebody said what the is that with
05:37laughing emojis? I'm so confused. Somebody said oh hell no. That's scary. And
05:44somebody said freak no. Then somebody also said sell the baby. I'm not selling my baby.
05:50Now what if the baby is allergic to formula with a bunch of laughing emojis? How is
05:54breastfeeding going to work? We are people not seahorses. You are not a seahorse. And then a
06:01positive comments is oh my god this is the cutest thing ever. Congratulations your
06:06wife is so lucky to have you and it's so beautiful baby. Y'all are having. I would
06:12love to have ten kids. And would you want to carry them all? I would want to carry
06:17maybe about five of them and then I would give my egg to my partner to let her
06:23carry the rest of the five. I low-key want to start hormones again to get more
06:29comfortable back within myself and also when I carry again I want to be way
06:34more masculine. I'm gonna make sure I have all my facial hair because I want
06:39other trans people out there to know and just other people in general that it's
06:43okay no matter how you look to have a child. Today I'm gonna ask my ex baby
06:47mother what she think about me getting pregnant again. I'm nervous to see what
06:51she says. How did you feel with me being trans carrying a baby? Well before you
06:56brung trans to my knowledge I really didn't know much about trans people so
07:02when we brung like baby on top of it it was like you know I know people were
07:07gonna be looking at us weird when we're outside or everybody's gonna have their
07:10opinion but like I've really learned to go through life like no one opinion
07:15matters. How did you feel when I first got pregnant and I was saying stuff like oh
07:20I want everybody to think you had the baby and let's do Photoshop to make it look
07:24like you was pregnant and I wasn't. It was very uncomfortable for me. Very
07:31confusing, very against what we talked about because your main thing that was
07:39brought to me on why you we were having a child was because you know you're
07:42transgendering so that could affect you having kids in the future. It was like
07:48kind of like backwards from what we talked about in the beginning. Told me you want
07:54to have this baby for you. Why do we have to Photoshop a belly on me? Like it was very
08:00confusing to me.
08:02Yeah okay. I feel like you do a good job showing a male role model to our son but as
08:10he gets older I think that's something like that's gonna be a challenge.
08:16What age do you feel like we should come out to him about the whole entire situation?
08:22It seems possible. He is no reason to hide it. Like you have a trans dad and you
08:29have a mom. Like you can know that. He starts school. Kids talk about their dads. Kids
08:38feel alienated because of something we decided not to tell him. It's something I
08:43told you when we're raising him. It's something he needs to know.
08:48I agree. So how do you feel about the fact that I want 10K?
08:52Oh gosh. Wish you the best. I wish you the absolute best. Because no. Our journey was
09:06hard and rough and it was beautiful in his ways but it's just something that I
09:11personally would not want to go through again. Can I still count on you for support?
09:16Yes. When you first started this we were best friends. It wouldn't change just
09:21because we're not together. Like I still care about you. We still we're raising a
09:28child together. Like so I'll always be your biggest supporter. I have no regrets
09:35about being a seahorse dad. Other seahorse dads, I say embrace it. Don't care. What
09:42nobody else thinks about your life is your life. We only live one time. Make the best
09:46out of it and do things that you never thought you would do.
