00:00I gave birth to my son and transitioned 10 years later.
00:03My mom became my dad.
00:05People being disrespectful in comments is, you know, oh, you're still a girl.
00:09Your son is going to have a wild life.
00:12I just told him, just be yourself.
00:14Do you think your transition has had any negative effects on her?
00:22So when did you two start working out together?
00:24Oh, man.
00:25When did we start working out together?
00:28Last year.
00:29My name is Ajay, and I'm a trans dad.
00:32I have a son.
00:33His name is Vary, and he's 17 years old.
00:35How would you describe your dad?
00:37Cool, energetic, caring, loving.
00:40I would describe our relationship as amazing as it should be, man.
00:46Vary is a straight-A student.
00:47He's a loving friend.
00:49He always makes me emotional on this because that's how I look at my child at 17 years old.
00:54He's an exceptional young man, and I'm proud of myself to be able to tell myself
00:59that, well done.
01:03When I was younger, I called him my mom.
01:05I started calling him my dad when I was, like, probably in middle school.
01:12He's always there for me whenever I need something.
01:15When he went through his process, I was a loving girl.
01:18How did your dad first broach the topic of transitioning with you?
01:22He asked me how I'd feel about it, and I said, if you want to be my dad, you can be my dad,
01:28because you already dress like a boy anyways.
01:30And don't let anyone bring you down, just do what you want to do.
01:35We went through counseling for five and a half years, you know, and I think it's very important
01:39for a lot of trans people in general to put their children in counseling,
01:43to get them more understanding of what they're getting themselves into,
01:45because not everybody is going to accept you right away.
01:49It was best for him to give me the opportunity to have a choice, or him have a choice,
01:53and together we both made one, and his choice was first, and then I accepted it.
01:57What was your relationship with gender like growing up?
02:01As a female, it was kind of tough. I was a tomboy. I just wanted to be who I am today.
02:07I started transitioning at the age of 28. The best thing about transitioning to me is
02:12you looking in the mirror finally seeing your authentic self.
02:15What difference has him transitioning had on your relationship?
02:18Man, I wouldn't really say it was a difference. I think he's just the same person.
02:22Just different voice and face looks.
02:25Do you think your transition has had any negative effects on him?
02:30I don't think that my transition has had any negative effects on him. You know,
02:34I think it actually brought us together stronger.
02:37He definitely sees more of the opportunity of the mother and father relationship.
02:42You know, he had an experience of both sides.
02:48My friend Lakia is coming over. I always describe her as this
02:52happy, wild queen.
02:54Hey, what?
02:56What? Yeah!
02:57You remember when I first came up to you?
02:59When we was at work?
03:00When we was at work.
03:01Yeah.
03:02I was laughing.
03:03And you was asking all the questions.
03:06Oh yeah.
03:07You fine.
03:08Okay, friends. We've been friends for a minute.
03:13How would you describe AJ as a father?
03:16A good father. Structure. Very humble.
03:20What do you think when you see Jay and Vary together?
03:23They got a good vibe. They do. You don't see too many people like that.
03:27From him being a woman and turning into a man.
03:31Kiss I understand what's going on and he's gonna love AJ no matter what.
03:35She plays the role in LJ, Vary's life as just one of the spoiled aunties.
03:40You know, she just spoils them, man.
03:44Have you ever seen any of the online judgment or anything that they get?
03:48I just feel like people don't know people's situation to be judging or trying to
03:53comment on something that they don't know about.
03:55You don't know what people went through to be like this.
03:57Keezy! Keezy!
04:01Keezy supported me in ways that a lot of people don't get the opportunity to have a hype man.
04:09She's like my biggest cheerleader when it comes to the girl's side.
04:12You know what I'm saying?
04:13I love the way that you, you know, never judge me the minute you knew I was trans.
04:18gender, you feel me?
04:19You was all, yeah, my friend, fine, you couldn't tell me this, what?
04:32I started sharing my journey online.
04:36It started out with TikTok.
04:37I posted a video and it had 400,000 views on it.
04:41The responses that I have to share, you know, with people being disrespectful in comments is,
04:47you know, oh, you're still a girl.
04:48Oh, you bleed.
04:49Oh, you'll never be a man.
04:51You'll never be manly enough.
04:53Your son is going to have a wild life, huh?
04:57Didn't know women could be fathers.
05:00Well, the thing about this comment is
05:04women are fathers.
05:07And the reason why women are fathers is because at the end of the day, if a woman
05:11has a child and the father walks away, she has to become both parents.
05:16His father is a woman.
05:18That's not a man, folks.
05:20The perfect words, because I am his father and I was a woman.
05:23You see what I'm saying?
05:24And at the end of the day, if I'm not a man, what made you say father first?
05:29Poor child, imagine your mother is now a dude.
05:34Nobody thinks about the kids.
05:36Selfish.
05:37I thought about my child's mindset, not only his mindset, but I thought about his feelings
05:41and I thought about his heart.
05:43We actually go viral every time we turn around.
05:45So, you know, I think a lot of people are starting to see that it doesn't matter
05:49about being transgender.
05:50It's about being a good parent at the same time.
05:52What I've learned, you know, from me and Varie is, you know,
05:55just being able to just keep our heads up high.
05:57You know what I'm saying?
05:58Never a lot of people's negative comments or mindsets control, you know,
06:02our household or who we are.
06:03Because at the end of the day, we're human beings, no matter what it is.
06:07Have you experienced any judgment in person as a parent?
06:12I have not, ever.
06:15In May, it would be seven years of transitioning.
06:17I've never, ever been judged, misidentified anything out of all six years that I've been transitioning.
06:26There used to be times where there'd be negative comments and I'd tell my dad,
06:30just not worry about him because it's not worth it.
06:32What you want to do today?
06:36The usual?
06:37The high taper?
06:38The crispy?
06:39The crispy?
06:40The taper into the beard?
06:41We've been meeting, we've known each other for five years.
06:47How did AJ tell you about his experience?
06:49Like his whole story?
06:51How did that come up?
06:52It's kind of just something I understood.
06:54So I kind of just never, I never pressed the issue.
06:57I just like, I let him tell me whenever.
07:00I appreciate you supporting me, you know what I'm saying, who I am.
07:03Became a brother to send me, boy.
07:05For life.
07:10There's more than just cutting hair.
07:13So, LJ, what kind of cut did you ask for today?
07:16I mean, I don't even know.
07:17I just looked it up on a pinch.
07:18A low taper, low taper.
07:20I'm a huge good kid, man.
07:22He's got like a good head on his shoulder.
07:24We both hope that the future holds both for both of us as a family.
07:29That we continue to keep growing.
07:31Keep being amazing people.
07:33Whatever you do, don't let people judge you.
07:36And don't hide from what you want to do.
07:38And just be yourself.
07:40To the trans parents, just continue to keep being the best parents that you possibly could be.
07:44Grow with them.
07:46Don't grow against them.
07:48We hope that our story touched y'all.
07:49We hope that y'all gained something from it.
07:51You know, we just trying to be the voice for others that don't gobble, man.
07:55Real talk, man.
07:56Just be you.
07:57It gets no better.
Comments
1