00:05Oh my god, where is the spa? There's no cell service.
00:08Stuart, fuck me sideways.
00:10Can you believe that somebody left a human duty in the bushes?
00:13Can you imagine?
00:15Thank God for Cole.
00:16He marched out there this morning and he cleaned it up.
00:20I guess you're gonna give me the silent treatment the entire weekend?
00:23Is that it?
00:24No, no, no, no.
00:25I fully intend to keep talking about the fact that my ex-boyfriend is living with you.
00:30Honey, you have to understand the bigger picture.
00:32I am doing this for you.
00:35I'm helping him stay sober for you.
00:36I gotta take a shit.
00:38You know how many times your father tried to get away from me?
00:41And I'm the one who proposed to him.
00:45I guess I never told you that.
00:47And I insisted we not abort you, so you're welcome.
00:50Let the 48 hours of fun begin.
00:53Oh, we could get a cup-off massage.
01:04We like to keep it really chill.
01:06Hikes every morning start at 4.30 a.m.
01:10Oh, by the way, Sage, on my itinerary it says that Jessie is my guest, but she's not my guest.
01:16She's my daughter!
01:17That's really cool.
01:19Alright ladies, let's turn in all of our cell phones.
01:22You'll get them back at the end of the weekend.
01:26What?
01:26Thank you, thank you.
01:27Oh yeah, we're an internet free zone.
01:29So you're here to just completely unplug and connect with your inner bandwidth.
01:33Oh, I'm not interested, but thank you so much.
01:36No.
01:36Oh shit, I have one bar.
01:38Call Stuart.
01:39Stuart!
01:40Great.
01:40No, that's good.
01:42I just have an emergency.
01:43I think I'm getting a...
01:44Honey.
01:45Amber alert.
01:46Come here!
01:47Here, wait, I learned a new yoga move.
01:49Alright.
01:50Now breathe, and just let go.
01:53Honey, you are addicted, okay?
01:55You need to unwind.
01:57Namaste.
01:58Yeah, you're right.
02:00Why would I want a reminder that I'm a complete and total failure?
02:05Do you want a Luna bar?
02:07Here, let me get you one.
02:09Oh shoot!
02:10I just remembered Cole took the last one.
02:13Stop saying his name!
02:15Stop!
02:15Cole?
02:16Stop saying his name, Mom!
02:19I'm sorry.
02:23You know what?
02:24I don't forgive you.
02:26Jessie.
02:27I'm never gonna forgive you.
02:28It's not okay.
02:30I'm gonna go get some fucking kale.
02:33Oh honey.
02:36Ugh!
02:40Jesus Christ.
02:43Dude, can I get some bread?
02:45Or like, quesadilla or something?
02:47It's a no bread zone.
02:49What?
02:50The meals are silent.
02:52What are you talking about?
02:53No bread.
02:54I just need like a BLT.
03:10Honey, listen.
03:11I've got great news.
03:12Mom, this is a fat camp.
03:15No, no, no.
03:15It's a spa.
03:16I spoke to the camp director.
03:20Honey, this is totally a fat camp.
03:26Would you listen to me?
03:27Is that why you brought me here?
03:28Because you think I'm fat?
03:29No, no, no.
03:30It's a spa.
03:30Like, seriously, Mom.
03:32Honey, it's a spa.
03:33I spoke to the camp director.
03:35And it turns out the class for teaching your dog how to meditate, it's been canceled.
03:39So I put in a good word for you.
03:40And now it's going to be an evening with Jessie Kaye.
03:45Mom, I don't want to perform for a bunch of menopausal anorexic yogis, okay?
03:50I thought you said this was supposed to be relaxing.
03:54I'm going to have to pay for all this food if you don't eat it.
03:57I'm going to have to pay for this stuff.
04:00All right, ladies.
04:01Who here is ready to cleanse your aura?
04:05You know, maybe you can get your eyebrows done.
04:07I'd love to see an arch on you.
04:13Hey, stranger.
04:14You want to practice for tonight?
04:15I can't, Mom.
04:17I signed up for a private class.
04:19You're right.
04:20This place is great.
04:20I feel so spiritual.
04:22That's awesome.
04:24High knees.
04:24Pick it up.
04:25I'm sure you don't want to practice, though.
04:27I want to see shaking.
04:27No, Mom.
04:28It's private.
04:29Shaking is your weaker self dying.
04:31Kill it!
04:32Kill it!
04:32Go!
04:33Navel to the motherfucking slime, Jessie!
04:35Go!
04:36Go!
04:37Go!
04:38Go!
04:39Go!
05:07Honey, Jessie!
05:09Jessie!
05:10Jessie!
05:11Jessie!
05:12Please!
05:13Would you please stop goofing around?
05:15Come on!
05:16You've got to get ready for the big gig!
05:18I think there's something really wrong with me, Mom.
05:21I really don't feel good.
05:23Well, you don't look sick.
05:26What are you, pregnant?
05:29Yeah, I let my vibrator come inside me.
05:32Get out of my face.
05:33Charming.
05:34Come on, honey.
05:36I just need to stay here and chill.
05:38I don't get it, Jess.
05:40I spent all of this money so we could have this mother-daughter, you know, bonding experience
05:45and all you've done is run away from me the entire weekend.
05:49Well, all I want to do is show you off to all of my friends.
05:53Show them how funny you are.
05:54It's a captive audience.
05:56It's a win-win.
05:58Please.
05:59Please.
06:01Please.
06:02Please.
06:06Please.
06:07Please.
06:08Please.
06:09Please.
06:09Please.
06:09I'm not getting any younger.
06:11Please.
06:11Please.
06:12Please.
06:13Please.
06:13For your menopausal mother.
06:15Please.
06:16Show them how funny you are.
06:17She's such a psycho.
06:21Please.
06:23Um.
06:25Excuse me?
06:25Yes.
06:27I'm just looking for the wall.
06:29The wall?
06:29Oh.
06:29No.
06:30Like to pray for Hashem?
06:33No.
06:33For the demonstration.
06:35Hey.
06:37Cute guy's here.
06:38Oh, yeah.
06:38Maybe I'll find a Jewish guy after all.
06:41Probably not in these parts.
06:43Really?
06:44This is the West Bank.
06:46And we're going to a demonstration against the apartheid wall.
06:51Do you hear that?
06:52They've started.
06:54Is this where I put the note?
06:55No, no.
06:56Don't touch it.
06:56Do you see the soldiers over there?
06:58If you touch the fence, then they will shoot.
07:01They're kind of cute, though.
07:02Yeah.
07:02Shalom.
07:03Can I have diet tear gas?
07:05I'm kind of trying to watch my way.
07:12Thank you all so much.
07:14Thanks.
07:15Just a friendly reminder that I have a new book coming out.
07:18If you want to get it, it's available for pre-order.
07:21I mean, I have private clients, but I do some corporate counseling.
07:24Anyhow, by far, the best thing that I have ever produced.
07:29My daughter, Jessie Kaye.
07:31Thank you, ladies.
07:36Does anyone know how you can get an abortion for a mother?
07:40It takes after me.
07:42Yes, Sage.
07:43I'm not a judge.
07:44Your work must get a lot of pushback.
07:46So how do you deal with all the criticism?
07:48She doesn't get any criticism.
07:50Aren't you worried about your safety, Jessie?
07:51No, no.
07:53It's not real.
07:54It's just a movie.
07:55Okay, well, for me, it feels really reckless.
07:58I'm not reckless.
07:59I'm brave.
08:00Oh, honey, it's not brave.
08:01That's not brave.
08:03I mean, you're hurting yourself to get attention.
08:07Like, God, that makes me so sad.
08:10I feel sorry for you.
08:11Like, I think it's sad.
08:13It's sad.
08:15I mean, you're hurting yourself to get attention.
08:19Okay, I'm sorry.
08:21You know what?
08:21I think it's sad.
08:23You think your daughter is so great.
08:25She's in NASA or whatever.
08:27Honey, tell them the story about the hummus.
08:28All the story.
08:29And all she did.
08:30Hummus.
08:31To get attention.
08:32Hummus.
08:34Hummus.
08:34Hummus.
08:34Come on, Jessie.
08:36Hi.
08:37Hi, Dad.
08:38Want you to have a little apple juice?
08:39Honey, are you okay?
08:40I missed you so much.
08:42You're gonna be just fine.
08:44She has a really sturdy energy.
08:46Yeah.
08:47Sturdy like I'm fat.
08:49Honey, come on.
08:50Stop that.
08:51But, Jacqueline, you could really stand to put on a pound or two.
08:54Jesus Christ.
08:55Uh-oh.
08:56What is this?
08:57Is this a tumor?
08:58Oh, my God.
08:59You're molesting me now.
09:00Okay.
09:01Honey, I'm really sorry about making you get up there.
09:04I was only trying to help.
09:06I know, Mom.
09:08Aw.
09:09You were doing so well.
09:11Right before you fell, everybody was laughing at you.
09:14Hey.
09:15Here.
09:16I've got a present for you.
09:20Oh, my God.
09:21Thank you so much.
09:23Thank you, Mom.
09:24Here she feels good.
09:25Oh, my God.
09:26Ah.
09:30What?
09:31What's wrong?
09:32I need to borrow your car, okay?
09:34I gotta go back.
09:35Okay.
09:36Thank you so much.
09:37Okay.
09:37I love you.
09:37I had a great weekend.
09:39Namaste.
09:40Namaste.
09:40Does it work?
09:40No.
09:41Does it work?
09:41Do we manifest something?
09:42Do we manifest something?
10:12finished watching The Skinny.
10:14We are just getting started, bae.
10:16So click here to subscribe,
10:18and click here for the next episode.
10:20I love you so much, bae.
10:23Boom.
10:24Oh my god.
10:24Yep, yep.
10:26I mean, I did it.
10:27Well, technically I booked the meeting,
10:29but yes, you are the talent, so you did it.
10:31Do that.
10:32Fuck yeah, fuck yeah, fuck yeah, fuck yeah, fuck yeah.
10:35Wait, wait, wait, what am I gonna wear?
10:37Should I wear like a jumper?
10:39Should I do like a full, should I do a full shave?
10:40You got a beard, you think I should do a full shave, bro?
10:42I don't fucking care.
10:43You know what, whatever, I'll probably just do a trim.
10:46We did it.
10:46A fucking dream team, dream team, dream team.
10:50We're the dream team, we are the dream team,
10:53we are the dream team, yeah, oh, oh, oh.
10:56Oh my god, I have like 40 billion hits right now.
10:58That guy's such a douche.
11:01Dude, I'm getting like, hella likes.
11:02I forgot how fucking lame most people are.
11:06God, did Oprah just retweet me?
11:08Like, ah.
11:10Look, Jess, I made a huge mistake, okay?
11:15I think we should get back together.
11:19Seriously?
11:21Dude, you're not supposed to make any changes your first year of sobriety.
11:25I like, read the pamphlet.
11:27Exactly, okay?
11:28Dumping you was the big change.
11:31I made a mistake.
11:35Okay.
11:36You can stay here for like, a couple days, but like, I just need-
11:40Okay, well, just a couple days, and then we'll see.
11:41No, we won't see.
11:43I need to think.
11:44Okay, well, we'll talk about it.
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