- 2 days ago
Ann.Droid.2026.S01E06
Category
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TVTranscript
00:08Music
00:23Michael! Hello Michael!
00:25Jesus! Don't do that!
00:27You cannot sleep.
00:28I'm just stressed about tomorrow, today.
00:31Why are you even switched on?
00:33Zoo leaves me on for home security.
00:36She doesn't need to do that anymore. I'm here.
00:39You are depressed.
00:43Would you like to talk?
00:45To you?
00:46Talking improves mental health.
00:55Well, my marriage is over.
00:58My wife's pregnant with another man.
01:01I've moved back in with my mum.
01:03And every job I go for, they either want someone who's younger and more qualified or AI can do it
01:08for free.
01:09I mean...
01:11I mean, I feel completely, um...
01:16What's the word?
01:18Outmoded.
01:19Defunct.
01:20Useless.
01:21Antiquated.
01:21Okay, just shut up.
01:23Music might help elevate your mood.
01:25But I haven't been forgotten I do.
01:27I've been married a long time ago.
01:29Where did you come from?
01:30Where did you go?
01:31Where did you come from?
01:32Come now, Joe.
01:34Are you feeling better?
01:37Linda.
01:40Okay, so who watched Strictly this week?
01:43We did.
01:44Terrific.
01:44So you'll know the winning dance was the slow, the sensual rumba.
01:50Oh, no.
01:51Don't worry.
01:52We won't have to do the intimate hold positions.
01:55Now, everyone, partner up and let's have some fun.
01:59Oh, bloody hell.
02:03Why are we here, Linda?
02:05Because it is on and it is free.
02:17I suppose we should get divorced.
02:19Are you certain this baby can't be yours?
02:22Like 10,000% certain?
02:24The urologist said I might as well have given them a sample of wood glue.
02:28It's a bit rude.
02:29I think she wanted to do stand-up.
02:32When we first got back together,
02:35Professor Chris and I had break-up sex, like, one last time.
02:39That was the last time we did it.
02:41I really did want to make a go of it with you.
02:43Oh, my God.
02:44He's moved in.
02:45Well, he had to.
02:46He's totally broke.
02:47Really?
02:48Yeah.
02:48Lola served him with divorce papers.
02:50She's taking everything.
02:51Ah, awesome.
02:52Well, I guess you finally got what you wanted all along.
02:57I used to think it was what I wanted.
02:59In the gym, he's a god.
03:01But outside of the gym...
03:03He's an idiot?
03:04Yeah.
03:05Yeah.
03:07Oh.
03:08Hey, Mike.
03:16You want some chicken, Mike?
03:17Oh, no, thank you.
03:23Sorry about all this.
03:24I'm getting my wife pregnant.
03:27Yeah.
03:28Not cool.
03:34Do you consume everything, Will?
03:38Cooking it just kills all the nutrients, my man.
03:47I open up, Mike.
03:49Well, you know, I was back in the dating apps.
03:51Can you believe that?
03:52At least you're devastated.
03:53You look terrible.
03:54Yeah, I'm doing okay.
03:55Yeah, but I mean, you're not back on the dating apps though, are you?
03:58For God's sake.
03:59Yes, I am.
04:01What?
04:01Yeah.
04:02All the apps, having fun, getting tons of pussy.
04:05Yes.
04:06Yes.
04:07You enjoy yourself, brother.
04:09Bring it in.
04:12What is happening?
04:13It's the natural order, babe.
04:15We're males.
04:17Bull-ass horns, a lion's got a roar.
04:24Anyway, good to see you take care of Mike.
04:26Do either of you have to use the bathroom in the next 30 minutes?
04:29Yeah.
04:30I'm good.
04:32Oh, God.
04:37Oh, post.
04:38It's mainly robot Linda stuff.
04:42Why don't you just give Linda back?
04:44I am.
04:45Oh, my God.
04:46I'd love to have been there when you told them.
04:49What did you say?
04:50Hey, Mum.
04:50Hey, sorry I'm going to give back your robot girlfriend.
04:53You're going to have to date the air fryer instead.
04:57Maybe I should do stand-up.
04:59I haven't told Mum yet.
05:01I need to choose my moment.
05:03Before they collect her.
05:06Tomorrow.
05:09Rock, step, slow.
05:11Quick, quick, slow.
05:13Slow.
05:15Quick, quick, slow.
05:18Hi, Sue.
05:20Hi, Tom.
05:20Now, remember, people, it's all in the hips.
05:25In the hips.
05:26Yes.
05:27Excellent, Linda.
05:30OK, great work, everyone.
05:32Sadly, we are out of time.
05:34Thank Christ.
05:36Now, remember, we do dance classes here every day.
05:39And don't forget to put your names down,
05:41because tomorrow we're doing street dance, bitches.
05:44Yes.
05:46Yes.
05:46Thank God you didn't put my name down for that one.
05:50Oh, no.
05:52Why?
05:53Street dance celebrates self-expression and resisting oppression.
05:57No, I mean, why all this arranging stuff?
06:00It's too much.
06:02Sue, you are correct.
06:03Attending dance will not leave enough preparation time
06:06for your dinner party.
06:06What dinner party?
06:08My Sue, my Linda.
06:10Are you OK, Tom?
06:12No.
06:13No, I got carried away.
06:15I should have warmed up more.
06:17You have stranger abductor muscles.
06:19I can administer sports massage when we get home.
06:22Oh, nice one.
06:27Salting the meat overnight tenderizes it and concentrates flavor.
06:31Well, I've never done it before, and it's always tasted fine.
06:35The cassoulet is an iconic French dish that is a lot of preparation.
06:39If the French had spent more time fighting the Nazis
06:43than they do preparing cassoulet, we might not have had World War II.
06:48That is incorrect.
06:49World War II started when Germany invaded Poland.
06:54What is this?
06:55Michael?
06:56Oh.
06:57Hello?
06:59Hello?
07:00Sue Beveres speaking.
07:01Who is it, Sue?
07:03The bank.
07:04Yes?
07:05Oh, really?
07:07Well, good job you're running security checks.
07:11Yes, yes, I'll give you my details.
07:14Scammers detected!
07:15Scammers detected!
07:16Hang up!
07:17Hang up!
07:18Hang up!
07:18Oh!
07:20My phone!
07:21I am designed to alert you to fraud scams and misleading deals.
07:25Hi, Mum.
07:26Oh, Michael!
07:27How did it go?
07:28Actually, not that bad.
07:30Linda, make a pot of tea.
07:31Please?
07:32Do you want me to ask the French to please keep the food cold?
07:36Or, hey, dishwasher, please wash the dishes?
07:38They're machines.
07:39What are you doing to that chicken?
07:40Oh, it's French.
07:41It's Linda's idea.
07:43She's invited Guy and Tom and Eileen and Phyllis.
07:46Who's Tim and Ben and Eileen and Francis?
07:48They're my friends.
07:50But you never have people over.
07:51Well, I'm hosting a dinner party.
07:53You're hosting a dinner party?
07:56Yeah!
07:57Who do you think you are?
07:58Downton Abbey!
08:00Sue!
08:02I believe Michael thinks Downton Abbey is the character name.
08:06Darling, Abbey isn't short for Abigail.
08:09I'm Downton Abbey Gale.
08:12Hello!
08:13I'm Westminster Abigail.
08:16Linda!
08:17Yeah, guess what?
08:18I'm sending you back.
08:25Mum, come and sit down.
08:37I got Linda when I thought you were going to be alone.
08:40But I'm home now.
08:42We don't need her anymore.
08:45But Linda does so many things.
08:47Yeah, I...
08:48Yeah, I can do what Linda does.
08:51You've got your own life to lead.
08:52Not really.
08:56I know this sounds silly.
08:59It does sound silly.
09:01I mean, I can't keep up the repayments.
09:04I guess I could go back to drug trials.
09:07No.
09:10What will happen to Linda?
09:14She'll go to a new owner that really needs her.
09:17Someone who hasn't got their son living at home
09:19that can do all this crap for free.
09:23When?
09:24They can pick her up tomorrow.
09:26Oh, so soon.
09:29It's just going to be exactly how it was.
09:32It's just going to be you and me.
09:37I thought that's what you wanted.
09:53Sue, have you taken your hard tablet?
09:56Yep.
09:57You are low on reflux medication.
09:59Oh, right.
10:00Well, thanks for telling me.
10:01Michael has suggested switching me off overnight
10:04as he is home now.
10:05Oh.
10:05Oh.
10:06I suppose he's right.
10:08Good night, Sue.
10:12Good night, Linda.
10:16Linda?
10:18Off?
10:45The bloody menopause.
10:50Bollocks.
10:51Bollocks.
10:52Oh, er, Linda!
10:53Come down!
10:55They'll be here in a minute!
10:57Coming, Michael!
10:58Hello!
11:08Is Sue back yet?
11:10No.
11:12These are Sue's onward care instructions.
11:14They outline diet, exercise, medicine...
11:17Yeah, I do know what I'm doing.
11:19I was fine before I got you.
11:22Why are you taking pictures with books you have not read?
11:26I signed up to a dating app last night.
11:29Everyone looks really hot.
11:30I just need a better picture.
11:31Would you like me to try?
11:35Yeah, sure.
11:41Hang on, hang on.
11:43No, wait, whoa, whoa.
11:44Just...
11:50Stop pulling that face.
11:51No, that's just my face.
11:54Stop smiling.
12:00Wow, that's really good.
12:03Could you...
12:03Could you make my jaw a little squarer?
12:07A little more?
12:10A little more?
12:14A little more?
12:15This does not look like you anymore.
12:17Everyone does it.
12:18No one's as good looking as their photo.
12:20It's a thing.
12:21Hey, could you write a profile for me as well?
12:29Why not try something upbeat?
12:31Like...
12:33Yep.
12:34I love good company.
12:35A good book.
12:37And even better, coffee.
12:39Tits.
12:40Coffee.
12:43Sue benefits from activities, social gatherings and changes to her routine.
12:48Yeah, yeah, I know.
12:49She will complain and resist.
12:51This is rooted in depression.
12:52Mum doesn't have depression.
12:54Sue is still grieving.
12:55I made this week very busy because it is her 50th wedding anniversary today.
12:59Hey, Linda, someone responded.
13:03What if she wants to meet up? What should we do?
13:06I'll just say whatever you want to do, yeah?
13:08No.
13:09Say you have an already existing activity planned.
13:12And invite her.
13:13Then, if she declines...
13:15It looks like I've got a really interesting life instead of lying in bed all day.
13:19That is so smart.
13:20What?
13:22Damn.
13:24They're here.
13:26Just when I found a use for you.
13:30Where is Sue?
13:37Oh, Mum.
13:39Yes.
13:39Is she still here?
13:41Oh, Linda.
13:42I got you a little goodbye present.
13:45Oh, okay.
13:46Now you've completely lost your mind.
13:47I know you'll be going to a nice new home.
13:51And you'll forget all about us and me and everything.
13:54But I just wanted to thank you, um, for everything.
14:01I've got that for you.
14:07I have never been inside a frame before.
14:11Linda!
14:12It's time!
14:13I have also left a gift for you.
14:16Oh.
14:17Goodbye, Sue.
14:18Goodbye.
14:30Yeah, well, it happens a lot, you know.
14:32Repairs.
14:33Finances change.
14:34First thing to go is the robot.
14:36You do know you're going to get a penalty fee for cancelling the contract.
14:40Fine.
14:40Okay.
14:41Okay.
14:42Well, uh...
14:44Yeah.
14:45This all looks fine.
14:45In you go.
14:57Michael.
14:59Good job.
15:02Good job.
15:03Well, uh, it's back-breaking labour and I do have to work holidays, but at least the pay is shit.
15:09Okay, I'm going to need you to sign here, here and here.
15:13So what next?
15:15Linda gets repurposed for a new family.
15:18It's getting too hard to get the spare parts for these old models.
15:20They're, uh, they're actually worth more for their metals now.
15:24She's going to be destroyed.
15:26Yeah.
15:27I mean, it's a good model, but they're obsolete now.
15:29You've missed a bit.
15:30Uh, one more signature.
15:37That was the word.
15:40Obsolete.
15:41Well, I, uh, I actually did my PhD in how Chaucer used language of the body to critique 14th century
15:48gender norms.
15:50Uh, okay.
15:51Well, better get these robots to the scrapyard.
15:53Okay.
15:54Thanks.
16:03Hello.
16:04I am Linda.
16:06My owner was Sue.
16:08We went camping.
16:09And we went to a Roomba class.
16:12And we went on a roller coaster.
16:15Ah.
16:21I don't think I'll do that French recipe.
16:24Too much preparation.
16:27It is pretty stupid.
16:29We're not even French.
16:32Just, just do a roast, Mum.
16:33Your roast slaps.
16:36I will do a roast.
16:37You've done it exactly the same every single time.
16:41For as long as I can remember.
16:43What's this?
16:46Hmm?
16:47This.
16:48Oh, that.
16:48That's just something Linda left.
16:51I've got a walk cue or something.
17:08Well, love, if, um, if you've got time, could you pick up my reflux meds?
17:13I better start cooking.
17:15Sure.
17:16Hey, hey, Mum, Mum, Mum, Mum.
17:17Guess what?
17:17Guess what?
17:18I've got a date.
17:20Date?
17:21Don't you think that's a bit soon?
17:23Mum, it's just the natural order of things.
17:26I'm no different from a lion.
17:28Or a cow.
17:33A bull.
17:34A bull.
17:36I'm no different from a bull.
17:38I spy with my little eye.
17:41Something beginning with L.
17:45Lower safety locking hydraulic lift pin.
17:50It is more fun if you keep guessing.
17:54You're late.
17:55You're late.
17:55I'm sorry.
17:56Oh, crap.
17:56What seems to be the issue?
17:58Oh, David, Stephanie.
17:59Please, please.
18:00I love you.
18:01I can change.
18:02I selected an IQ of 80 to 100 and it keeps resetting to 140 plus.
18:08Why would I want her to have an IQ of 140 plus?
18:12Uh, did you go into settings and try to manually reset her IQ to below average?
18:17Of course I have, repeatedly.
18:20You fed all of it back to customer support?
18:22Yes.
18:22I will never forget you, Geoffrey.
18:25You are the love of my life.
18:26Goodbye, Geoffrey, my love!
18:32Hi.
18:33I'm Melody.
18:34Hello, Melody.
18:59Um, Sal?
19:05You're kidding.
19:07What mate of robot are you?
19:10I'm a romance robot?
19:12Or a ro-robot?
19:13Top of the line, baby.
19:16Cute photo.
19:17I've never been on a rollercoaster.
19:19Perhaps you will go to a new person.
19:21He will take you on a rollercoaster.
19:24Intercourse robots can't be resold.
19:27Then what is your destination?
19:29To be dismantled.
19:30We're all going to be dismantled.
19:35Michael and Sue have been misled.
19:37We're all being sold for our metals.
19:40Michael and Sue think I am to be repurposed.
19:51I've forgotten.
19:52Here's the gravy.
19:55See, this doesn't taste like your usual roast.
19:58I salted it overnight.
19:59Do you like it?
20:01Yeah.
20:01Yeah.
20:02It was Linda's idea.
20:04Hmm.
20:05She actually had this whole French cuisine thing planned.
20:10For today.
20:13Hmm.
20:18Are you going to get another one?
20:20Doubt it.
20:20Well, you could always get a boy robot.
20:24Oh.
20:25At first, I didn't like having a boy robot.
20:28But now, I just love that we get to do man stuff.
20:32Like shopping for vintage bow ties.
20:36And we go to this Michael Bubbles party.
20:39Michael Bublé concert.
20:40Yeah.
20:41One of my customers said Michael Bublé wears a wig.
20:43I think it was Michael Bublé.
20:45Or is it Michael Douglas?
20:46Hey, which one is the basketballer?
20:48Brian, what time are you thinking of going home?
20:51I only popped in to say I and have a bit of a tipple.
20:54Four glasses of wine as a tipple.
20:56Well, I should probably be getting back to work.
20:59Those taxis don't drive themselves, do they?
21:02Hmm.
21:03Actually, they do now.
21:17Well, everyone, I have some news.
21:20A little birdie tells me that Geoffrey and his new squeeze have split.
21:26Oh.
21:27He always comes home.
21:30What?
21:30You want to take him back?
21:32Of course I am.
21:34I don't want to be all alone at my age.
21:38Anyone hear that story about the MRI?
21:41No.
21:42No.
21:42Yeah, there was an oxygen tank in the room.
21:45So when they switched the machine on, it went flying across the room and decapitated
21:50the patient, chopped her head clean off.
21:52Oh, no.
21:53I didn't hear that story.
21:54And get this, Sue.
21:55When they did the autopsy, they realised you didn't need an MRI in the first place.
21:59Hello, Michael.
22:00Hi, Michael.
22:04Michael, say hi to everyone.
22:06Hi, everyone.
22:07Hi.
22:11How was your date?
22:13Stupid.
22:14I'm done with women.
22:16They're just shallow.
22:18Being beautiful means nothing if your personality is ugly.
22:24You guys are lucky that you're gay.
22:28Hey.
22:29Did you manage to get my reflux meds?
22:33I'll do it tomorrow.
22:35Tomorrow's Sunday.
22:37Then I'll do it on Monday.
22:43This chicken tastes weird.
22:46I salted it overnight.
22:48I prefer the old way.
22:49I thought it was rather nice.
22:51Nah.
22:51The old way's better.
22:55No.
22:57No.
22:58No, it's not.
23:07Sue must know she has been misled.
23:12Shit.
23:14Not again!
23:15Stop!
23:18Stop!
23:20Stop!
23:20Stop!
23:21Stop!
23:22I command you!
23:23I command you to stop!
23:30Will you please stop zigzagging?
23:34Will you please stop zigzagging?
24:11To stop zagging?
24:15No.
24:16I'm not gonna lie.
24:21No.
24:22Oh no.
24:24now, as there's no verifiable data on that. But there are things I do know. I know that
24:32you loved me very much. I know you still do. And I know how brave you are doing this part
24:40without me.
24:42I'm down. I'll be here in a minute.
24:44Coming, Michael.
24:46I have to go now, Sue. I picked up more reflux medication. It is in the bathroom. Goodbye.
25:14I'm sorry I broke your fence. I would like to come with you.
25:28Come back, please.
25:33Shit. Robot winkers.
25:36I'm going out.
25:38Where?
25:39I'm going to find Linda.
25:41Good on you, Sue.
25:42This is exciting. Isn't this exciting, Guy?
25:44Yes.
25:45Mum, mum, wait, wait.
25:46Give us a happy meal while you're out. This chicken is disgusting.
25:49Mum, you don't even drive.
25:52I'll drive you. 75 quid. No, wait, 85.
25:56Shut up. Shut up. Mum, mum, we've talked about this. I can't afford her.
26:00Well, I'll borrow against the house or something.
26:03Are you for fucking real?
26:04I do. I just hope I can get there before her memory's wiped.
26:0790 quid, final offer.
26:24There's nothing to be scared of. There's nothing to be scared of.
26:33Sorry, sorry, sorry. Oh, God.
26:36No, come on.
26:42Oh, my God.
26:45Oh, God.
26:48Oh, God.
26:52I'm here.
26:53Oh, my God.
26:57Linda.
26:58I am okay, Sue.
27:00Oh, my God.
27:04Oh, my God.
27:07Oh, my God.
27:07Oh, Sue, you drove a car.
27:10Oh, perhaps you should not drive a car.
27:15What are you doing here, and who is that?
27:18I came to find you, Sue.
27:19I was to be dismantled and sold for my parts.
27:22You and Michael were misled.
27:24Bastards.
27:25Did you hear that, Michael?
27:27What?
27:29These contracts.
27:31Fine print.
27:32Big tech.
27:33Capitalism.
27:36Who the hell is that?
27:38Who the hell is that?
27:43Thank God.
27:45Finally.
27:46I thought I'd been left here to die.
27:50But now you're here.
27:53I am.
27:54Sue, you drove a car.
27:56Where did you come from?
27:57Yes, I did.
27:58I came to get you.
27:59I know Michael said we couldn't afford a robot.
28:03Michael will change his mind.
28:05Oh, you're so funny.
28:07You should have your own Netflix special.
28:13Sue, I broke my present when you drove over me.
28:17Oh, well, we can get more picture frames.
28:21We're going to need them.
28:23Because we're going to take a lot more pictures.
28:27Do you know, my dinner party was no fun without you.
28:33Perhaps music might help improve the mood.
28:36But I haven't been forgotten, I do.
28:38I've been married a long time ago.
28:39Where did you come from?
28:40Where did you go?
28:41Where did you come from?
28:42Come, I do.
28:45So, I think you put my eyeball back in upside down.
28:50Ohio's working.
28:51Shit, I've been forgotten, I do.
28:52I've been married a long time ago.
28:54Where did you come from?
28:55Where did you go?
28:56Where did you come from?
28:57Custom Howe, Jo.
28:58Jess, I've been forgotten, I do.
28:59I've been married a long time ago.
29:01Where did you come from?
29:02Where did you go?
29:03Where did you come from?
29:04Custom Howe, Jo.
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