- 2 months ago
Ann.Droid.2026.S01E02
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00:10This week, the contestants have to prove why they should become Lord Sugar's business partner.
00:17Her eyes are terrifying.
00:19She scared the shit out of me this morning, but she's completely fixed my neck.
00:24It was the perfect opportunity to correct your C7 nerve compression.
00:28I thought you were going to kill me.
00:31I'd never kill you soon.
00:35You should have told me you were coming round because I'd have got some food in.
00:40We just wanted to say hi and see how things were going with Linda.
00:47And also, it's kind of a big day.
00:53Renee is...
00:54I'm being awarded my brown belt in BJJ.
00:57Congratulations.
00:58Renee!
01:01It's a really big deal.
01:02It means I can start coaching students.
01:05And, you know, Chris even said that I can instruct without him there.
01:11He's still training with Chris.
01:15I can't stop him teaching in the gym.
01:17What am I meant to do?
01:18Change instructors.
01:19Wow.
01:20It's pretty controlling.
01:21In case you're lost, Linda.
01:23Chris is the instructor.
01:25Renee was having an affair with.
01:28Oh, dear.
01:29Poor Michael.
01:30How humiliating.
01:31I'm fine.
01:32Where is Chris now?
01:34I don't know.
01:34He's probably with his family.
01:36With his mother and father?
01:38No, with his wife and kids.
01:40Was it just a fling for Chris?
01:42A bit of how's your father?
01:43A knee trembler?
01:44A bit on the side?
01:45Just shut up, Linda.
01:47We've dealt with all of this.
01:49My family are coming to see me get awarded my new belt.
01:53Then we're all going to go for dinner afterwards.
01:56Can you come too?
01:57I can't today, sorry.
02:00Why, Sue?
02:01Because we're busy.
02:03What are we doing today, Sue?
02:06We don't do anything.
02:07Tomorrow, nothing.
02:09Thursday, nothing.
02:11Friday, nothing.
02:12We're definitely doing something.
02:14Don't worry.
02:16It's fine.
02:17I just wanted the whole family there because it's taken me three years to achieve this.
02:35Perhaps a joke would lighten the mood.
02:38A rabbi, a boy scout and a showgirl are on a crashing plane.
02:41Do you know what?
02:41We should actually be going.
02:43I've got a client at nine.
02:45Good to see you again, Sue.
02:47Likewise.
02:48You know, I know you don't really like Renee, but pretending you're busy.
02:52I'm not pretending.
02:53Oh, come on.
02:54Busy doing what?
02:54You don't even have a job.
02:55You've never had a job.
02:57My job was raising you and caring for your father.
03:01Renee's whole family is going to be there.
03:03I just wanted you there too.
03:06Does a brown belt represent dedication, mastery of technique and true leadership?
03:13Because a brown belt represents dedication, mastery of technique and true leadership.
03:24Yeah?
03:27When it comes to sugar's boardroom, who will be in the firing line?
03:31Fancy thinking I don't do anything.
03:34What are we doing now, Sue?
03:36Dunno.
03:38Might buy some sausages.
03:40I mean, all because I never had a job.
03:44Look, my family was my job and I did it very well, thank you very much.
03:48I'm not useless.
03:49Oh, hi, Ivy.
03:50Are you okay?
03:52Tom's got food poisoning.
03:54Ate a bag of rancid potpourri, stupid Burke.
03:57Thought they were vegetable crisps.
03:59Oh, is he okay?
04:00Yeah.
04:02He's just thick as shit.
04:04He was supposed to work today so I could go to my Aunt Shelley's birthday party.
04:08Your Aunt?
04:09Yeah, she's a hundred and eight.
04:10I'm cancelling this taxi.
04:13She'll be so disappointed.
04:14I'm sorry.
04:16Wish there was something I could do.
04:19Well, actually, maybe I could help.
04:23I mean, you're injured, Sue.
04:26It's a charity shop, not the World Cup.
04:29You ever worked in a shop?
04:31Well, I've seen you do it a thousand times.
04:34Tom can do it and you've just said he's as thick as shit.
04:39And I've got Linda.
04:41Yes.
04:42So it will be like the shop challenge on The Apprentice.
04:45I can do this.
04:47And if it works out, then I can come and help you in the shop.
04:51The lot can be a bit thicky.
04:53Oh, and there's a shelves delivery at midday.
04:55All you've got to do is be in the shop, really.
04:59Okay.
05:00You're not going in one of those driverless things, are you?
05:04Of course not.
05:05They're death traps.
05:12All right, Eileen.
05:13Yeah.
05:15Hi, Sue.
05:16Hi, Brian.
05:17I didn't know you were still a...
05:20I mean, I thought you'd retired.
05:22Retire?
05:23No, not me.
05:24Oh, good for you.
05:25Bloody good show, I say.
05:27Eileen, for God's sake, wear your seatbelts.
05:30Relax.
05:31Relax.
05:32Brian's been driving me around in this shit heap for nearly 40 years.
05:36And I've only been sober for the last five.
05:38See you, love.
05:39Oh, my God.
05:49Linda, I haven't had a job since before Michael was born.
05:54Do you think that will be a problem?
05:56Yes.
05:57Great.
06:22Hi.
06:24Hi.
06:24Hi.
06:28Are you angry?
06:30No, no. I'm not angry.
06:34Why can't you train with another instructor?
06:37Professor, because Chris is brilliant.
06:39He came third in the Wessex Open.
06:41Well, is that a big competition?
06:43It's the Wimbledon of BJJ.
06:45I know you've got a lot of trust issues, but so do I.
06:50If anything, you pushed me into cheating by spending so much time away.
06:54I was with my mum because my dad just died.
06:58Spend all day trying to figure out who did what.
07:00You had an affair.
07:02And I ended it.
07:04Because I love you.
07:06If anything, my affair was the best thing I ever did for us.
07:11Take that down.
07:13I'm a personal trainer.
07:15BJJ is where I meet my PT clients.
07:18More people come to class, more clients for me.
07:21Chris is actually a really sweet guy.
07:22A really sweet guy?
07:24After you two?
07:49That's really vulgar.
07:53Still coming to my presentation?
07:55I don't know.
07:56I'm just really busy today.
07:59There's nothing to be scared of.
08:01I'm not scared of that knobhead.
08:03Please don't tell him I said that.
08:06Shit, you're going to tell him I said that.
08:08Do you know what?
08:09I don't care if you tell him.
08:10Please don't tell him.
08:12I've got to go.
08:14I really want you there.
08:22Can I try with Gibson?
08:24Oh, what?
08:25The vintage Gibson Super 400.
08:28Do you have £13,000?
08:31No.
08:32Then no.
08:34Dickhead!
08:49This job is a piece of piss.
08:53I don't know why Eileen was acting like it was some big deal.
08:56There are many, many copies of this man's books.
08:59And technically, he's a giant.
09:01Help me with this, will you?
09:03We're clearing out the loft.
09:06Madeline's pregnant.
09:07We're going to be grandparents again.
09:10So you know what that means.
09:11It means that when Madeline was ovulating,
09:14a male sexual partner ejaculated inside her vagina.
09:17It means more sleepovers.
09:20Oh, yes, that makes sense.
09:22Oh, what kind of fur is this?
09:25Now that is real silk monkey.
09:28I'm only giving it away because Madeline says
09:30it makes me look like a lady of the night.
09:32I think Linda might look lovely in it.
09:35Let's see.
09:37The monkey pelt matches my wig.
09:40She is wonderful, isn't she?
09:43You can't buy those now, you know.
09:45They've been hunted to extinction.
09:47So stand back.
09:48There is a live firearm.
09:52Stick them up!
09:55No, that's from when Geoffrey used to smoke.
09:59It's a cigarette lighter.
10:01It is a joke.
10:04Beautiful and funny.
10:06A real rarity.
10:09Right then.
10:10Come on, Geoffrey.
10:12Thank you for the donations.
10:14Oh.
10:15What, you're working here?
10:17Yes, I am.
10:18Oh, well, I think it's terrific that you're trying to learn a new skill at your age.
10:25We're the same age.
10:27Good job you've got your little robot friend to help you.
10:30Everything I touch turns to soul.
10:33Geoffrey.
10:35Why does everybody think I can't do this?
10:39Nobody ever comes in this shop.
10:41Well, I'm not surprised.
10:47Linda, come and help me.
10:51Penny did it.
10:56Michael.
11:04Michael.
11:06Michael.
11:09Oh, sorry, I can't help with the amps.
11:12I've pinched a nerve in my G8.
11:14Look, I just want to give you a heads up.
11:16I'm reducing your shifts.
11:18Why?
11:18Well, when you left...
11:20I didn't leave.
11:21I had a full nervous breakdown when my marriage fell apart.
11:25Yeah, you made that very clear.
11:27Anyway, I'm making some changes.
11:29There's a new employee starting next week.
11:31Mark, Mark.
11:33I really appreciate you taking me back.
11:35That's the least I could do after you threatened me with legal action under the Mental Health Act.
11:40Yeah, true.
11:41Well, it will not happen again.
11:43Me and Renee, we're in a really good place now.
11:46Gosh, that's wonderful.
11:47I'm really rooting for you guys.
11:48I'm going to move the rest of the amplifiers.
11:50Mark, Mark.
11:52I know it's a big ask, but could I finish early today?
11:56I don't know.
11:57If you go, who's going to stare at the bin?
12:02Does that mean I can?
12:03Sure.
12:04You're the best.
12:05Can I go now?
12:06Honestly, it makes very little difference whether you're here or not.
12:09Thank you so much.
12:14Thanks, Mark.
12:25Our first customer.
12:30I suppose I should go and speak to them.
12:32Yes, Sue, you should speak to them.
12:35Why am I so nervous?
12:38It's not difficult.
12:40According to Lord Sugar's autobiography, the best way to meet people is to smile and ask a question.
12:45Right.
12:59Hello.
13:00How much do you weigh?
13:02What?
13:03What do you mean, sir?
13:05Do you enjoy the music of Tina Turner?
13:07Yes, I do, actually.
13:11How much is this bag?
13:14Let me check that for you.
13:19Shall we say ten pounds?
13:21Ten pounds.
13:23It's a deal.
13:24It's a deal.
13:25It's a deal.
13:27I'll give you seven.
13:30Eight.
13:32Eight.
13:33Yes!
13:38Oh, that was intense.
13:42I thought to myself, she is definitely going to bid seven.
13:46So I thought, okay, Sue, don't blink and keep your head on a swivel.
13:53Oh.
13:58Enjoy your bag.
14:01Bye.
14:02Oh, Linda, here's our next customer.
14:05Oh, the delivery's here.
14:08You look after this lovely lady, give her everything she needs, and I'll be back in a minute.
14:14Hello.
14:15Hello.
14:16Do you enjoy the films of Guy Ritchie?
14:19Yes, yes.
14:34Thank you very much.
14:36Thank you, Linda.
14:37You take that?
14:38All right, let's...
14:46Oh, Linda, do you have the key?
14:49I do not have the key.
14:50I told you to stay in the shop.
14:53Would you feel better if I apologised?
14:55Linda, door open.
15:06It is still locked.
15:07Well, don't you have one of those universal key things on your finger or something?
15:12No.
15:13So do you have your phone.
15:14Oh, yes, yes.
15:16Search, locksmith's in your area.
15:18No.
15:19No one need know about this.
15:22There must be some way of getting in.
15:24It's a charity shop, for God's sake, not Alcatraz.
15:33Linda, can you climb?
15:35Yes, Sue, I can climb.
15:36Good.
15:37I want you to climb up that drainpipe, get through that open window, go downstairs and let me in through
15:43the front door.
15:45Go.
15:49Can you go quicker?
15:51Linda, Alina will be home any minute.
15:53She hates parties.
15:55Happy birthday, dear Shelley.
15:59Happy birthday to you.
16:08Warning, Sue.
16:09I am descending rapidly.
16:13The drainpipe is now broken.
16:15God damn it, Linda.
16:16Sue, you are getting very stressed.
16:18Because you're not being any help.
16:20Sue, I am struggling to see what you have brought to the table.
16:31Somebody must live on that floor up there.
16:33We must be able to get their attention.
16:35Grab a pebble and we...
16:38Oh!
16:41Oh, God.
16:53You're here.
16:55Of course I am.
16:57I told you I'm not scared.
17:00But I'm not going to talk to him and I'm not going to call him Professor.
17:04All right.
17:05Well, you're really early.
17:06I don't get awarded my belt until after class.
17:08Yeah, I got off early.
17:10Because I realised I've never watched you train.
17:13It's really unsupportive.
17:16Are you going to keep an eye on me?
17:17No.
17:18Because it's kind of sexy if you are.
17:20Really?
17:21Yes, yes.
17:23You are my woman.
17:24What?
17:25Sorry.
17:26Hey, guys.
17:27Professor Chris.
17:29So good to see you.
17:32Professor Chris.
17:33Please, call me Chris.
17:35So, you're finally going to train with us, huh?
17:38I'd give you, like, six months free.
17:42At least I can do.
17:43For having sex with my wife?
17:45Yeah.
17:46See, Michael, I told you.
17:48It's cool.
17:48Yeah, you know, I get a good workout in the shop, lifting amps, guitars.
17:53Ah, that's a pretty sweet gig, man.
17:56You know I play a bit myself.
17:58Oh, what have you got?
18:00I'm a bit of a Gibson nut.
18:01I just splashed out on another Super 400.
18:06Such a rich tone.
18:14Lola drives me everywhere now.
18:16She knows all my phone's passcodes.
18:19We're doing a lot of intimacy rebuilding.
18:21Oh, yeah, yeah, so are we.
18:23Are we?
18:24Are we?
18:24Yes.
18:25Ah, ma'am.
18:26You and me.
18:28We're no different.
18:29We're men.
18:31Nature designed us to hunt, conquer, and, if necessary, kill.
18:37Right, Mike?
18:38Yeah.
18:42Looks like the boss wants me to keep moving.
18:46See you in there.
18:48Huss!
18:49Huss!
19:12Are my champions ready to sweat?
19:14Huss!
19:15Huss!
19:16Okay, good.
19:17Today is a big day.
19:20We got a few warriors ready to graduate to their next belt.
19:23It's a massive achievement.
19:25But first, we train.
19:28Huss!
19:28Huss!
19:29Now, we're going to start with a warm-up that focuses on opening out the hips.
19:34Can I borrow Rene?
19:38This stretch is brilliant for hamstring and hip mobility.
19:43Rene, can you please lay down?
19:45Okay, can you raise your left leg?
19:47Now, we're going to scoop with our bicep right under the hamstring.
19:51Like this.
19:52And breathe out.
19:55Yeah?
19:56Yeah, that feels really good.
19:57Good.
19:58And now the other leg.
19:59Scoop.
20:00Push.
20:02Huss!
20:07Good.
20:08You know, your hips have really opened up since we started working together.
20:11Okay, everyone, let's go.
20:15Oh, God.
20:15Here she comes.
20:18I feel like an idiot.
20:20You are not an idiot.
20:22I have assessed your problem-solving and cognitive function.
20:25You have an IQ of between 119 and 122.
20:29Am I a genius?
20:32Absolutely not.
20:33Oh.
20:34At the end of the day, people have to realize, if you travel, bed bugs are the price you pay.
20:38All right, Sue.
20:40Hiya.
20:40Oh, I need some more customer reviews.
20:42Preferably ones above the two stars I'm getting at the moment.
20:45Would you mind?
20:46Yeah, yeah, whatever.
20:47Lovely.
20:48Oh, and don't mention I got lost and had four pints at lunch.
20:50Or that I run out of petrol and had to walk the last two kilometers, okay?
20:54Bye, Sue.
20:55What are you doing out here?
20:57Got locked out.
20:58You idiot.
21:00It's all right.
21:00I've got a spare set.
21:02Don't worry.
21:04At least you got the delivery.
21:06Yeah.
21:08We got the delivery and then it was stolen.
21:11Oh.
21:12After we broke the drainpipe.
21:14Oh.
21:14And then we smashed a window.
21:17Oh.
21:17We went round the back to try and break in and that's when the delivery was stolen.
21:22I take full responsibility for the failure of this task.
21:26But we did dress the window.
21:29How was the party?
21:31Oh, pretty depressing.
21:32But it meant a lot to Auntie Shelley that I showed up.
21:35I am the only family she has left.
21:37Sue, that is like you and Michael.
21:39She didn't want to be alone today.
21:41That is like you and Michael.
21:42And if you can't count on family.
21:45That is like you and Michael.
21:50I'm sorry, Eileen.
21:52Would you mind if I left work early today?
21:54Only there's somewhere I need to be.
21:56I think it's best you go, yeah.
21:59Oh, and what do you think about me working here?
22:02God, no.
22:10You are missing out on a massive opportunity by firing Sue.
22:13I never hired her.
22:15You'll regret this.
22:16This isn't the last you'll hear of Sue.
22:20Bloody robots.
22:22Okay, everyone, get around.
22:26I want us to work on some self-defense today.
22:29I want you to imagine it's late at night.
22:33You're in Tesco doing a quick shop.
22:37You're buying milk, cereal.
22:40Some potatoes.
22:41Excellent.
22:42Well done, Renee.
22:44Some basil?
22:46No.
22:47You're leaving the shop and someone comes at you.
22:52Elliot.
22:54Okay, Elliot.
22:55I want you to come at me.
23:00Come at me like a man.
23:09Well done, Elliot.
23:10Great effort for your first class.
23:21You all right, Mike?
23:22Hmm?
23:24Yeah.
23:24Yeah.
23:25Sounded like you said something.
23:27Nope.
23:29Good, okay, then, everyone.
23:30It just looked a bit unfair.
23:32Why, because Elliot looks like a dipshit loser?
23:36Let me tell you something.
23:37Every person who puts on a uniform and joins this class has my total respect.
23:42They're all warriors.
23:43They don't sit on the sidelines.
23:56Okay, yes, everyone.
23:59Welcome, Michael.
24:03Hi, everyone.
24:04Hi, Chris.
24:05It's Professor.
24:07Out there, it's Chris.
24:09It's...
24:09And here, it's Professor.
24:12That's all right.
24:12You'll get the hang of it.
24:13Have a seat.
24:20Okay, the basics.
24:23Ow!
24:24Can you see that no matter what he does, he cannot break this hole?
24:28If I exert just a little more pressure...
24:31Ah!
24:31No!
24:32Professor Chris, please, that really hurts!
24:35Really hurts him!
24:36Linda, do something.
24:38Get off!
24:39What would you like me to do, Sue?
24:40Help someone!
24:41Stop him!
24:42Yes, Sue.
24:45Please get off Michael.
24:47I will get off Michael once he breaks this hole.
24:49Please get off Michael.
24:51Go!
24:54It is a joke.
24:55It is a joke.
24:57Robert.
24:58Teaser, teaser, teaser!
25:06Jeffrey said the joke is humorous because it appears to be a live firearm.
25:10This is all Jeffrey's fault.
25:11Renee had worked for years to get this belt.
25:13This was meant to be her day.
25:15You could have killed him.
25:16I used a low amperage.
25:18And I didn't need its help.
25:19I was just about to smash his ass.
25:23Let's go, babe.
25:25Talk to you later, Mom.
25:26But you need to keep your robot under control.
25:36I'm still good at my job.
25:38Yes, you are, Sue.
25:40In fact, you are very good.
25:42Thank you, Linda.
25:45We are talking about your job as a mother.
25:47That's right, Linda.
25:49Not your job in the charity shop?
25:51No.
25:53Because that was a complete shit show.
26:11Well, we really do have a lot of Richard Osman books.
26:14Big.
26:19Yes, I see.
26:22Oh, no.
26:32We're talking about your work.
26:33Bye-bye.
26:33Bye-bye.
26:33Bye-bye.
26:34Bye-bye.
26:48You
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