- hace 2 días
When Edmund's Scottish lands are given to the King's Supreme Commander, Douglas McAngus, he plots revenge.
Categoría
📺
TVTranscripción
00:04In 1486, the second year of Richard IV's historic reign, and also the year in which the egg replaced the
00:11worm as the lowest form of currency, King Richard departed England on a crusade against the Turks.
00:19As the good lord said, love thy neighbour as thyself, unless he's Turkish, in which case, tell the bastard!
00:29He left behind him his beloved son, Prince Harry, to rule as regent in his stead.
00:34Farewell, dear Harry.
00:36Farewell, father.
00:38And his slimy son, Edmund, to do the tasks most befitting him.
00:43Edward.
00:59My lord, with the king gone, hmm?
01:05Of course!
01:07At last, a chance for some real power.
01:11Uh-huh!
01:56Onward, I want you scum back to the castle by sundown
01:59or you'll all be slaughtered.
02:01Onward!
02:02Come on!
02:04Come on!
02:05Shut up!
02:06You better keep quiet, all right?
02:08I've just about had enough of you!
02:10Shut up!
02:14Come on, you must know where you're going!
02:17Stop!
02:18Where are you going?
02:20Oh, not over!
02:21Not away from the castle!
02:23Shut up!
02:26Splendid!
02:27Splendid!
02:28Now, look!
02:29You're not supposed to be here!
02:30That's far enough!
02:32Now, get out!
02:36I could get my hands on that bastard brother Harry!
02:40Ah!
02:41Edmund!
02:45Edmund?
02:49Ah!
02:50There you are!
02:51Splendid news, Edmund!
02:52Father's coming home!
02:54He writes here that he'll be back by St Leonard's Day!
02:57Excellent!
02:57So we can celebrate both events together!
03:00Now then!
03:01I shall handle the visiting royalty, of course!
03:04The guards of honour and the papal legate!
03:07And you can sort out the frolics!
03:10The frolics?
03:12Yes!
03:12The Morris dancers, the eunuchs and the bearded women!
03:16You know, the traditional St Leonard's Day entertainments!
03:20Oh!
03:20Damnation!
03:21No!
03:21I don't think I'm going to have enough time to attend to the drains!
03:24Edmund!
03:25You'll have to look into those as well!
03:27Oh!
03:27Yes!
03:28Fine!
03:29Fine!
03:30I'd be honoured!
03:31Good!
03:31You won't let me down, now will you?
03:33No, no, no!
03:34No!
03:35I'm really looking forward to it already!
03:37Thank you so very much!
03:39Splendid!
03:4312 months of chasing sheep and straightening the royal portraits!
03:48And now this!
03:50The bastard!
03:52The bastard!
03:54If only he were, my lord!
03:58What?
03:59If only he were a bastard, my lord, then you would be regent now!
04:04Ah, yes!
04:05Yes!
04:05And then one day!
04:07You would be king, my lord!
04:10Ah, yes!
04:11Yes, I would be king!
04:14And then what?
04:16You'd rule the world, my lord!
04:19Precisely!
04:21It's just not fair enough!
04:23Every other damn woman in the court has bastard sons!
04:26Well, now my mother, oh no!
04:28She's so damn pure!
04:29She then broke down in case she nooses her own breasts!
04:33You must be so looking forward to the king's return, your master!
04:39No!
04:40No, my lady!
04:42But think he will come to your chamber and make mad, passionate love to you!
04:47Yes, I wish he wouldn't do that!
04:50It's very difficult to sleep with that kind of thing going on!
04:55Being used all night long like the outside of a sausage roll!
05:01St. Leonard's Day is so ambitious to look forward to!
05:05The jesters, the jugglers, the great brown ox, steaming and smouldering all night long!
05:12Oh, yes!
05:13The feast!
05:14Sorry?
05:16I was thinking of something else!
05:18Oh, they took me home!
05:19They've got the Morris dancers!
05:21I love them!
05:23Yes!
05:24I like the eunuchs!
05:26Oh, yes!
05:28The eunuchs!
05:30Well, I wish I owned one!
05:33I wish I'd married one!
05:36Fine!
05:37Fine!
05:38Could have happened to anyone!
05:39Never mind!
05:39Never mind!
05:41Oh!
05:42God!
05:42I don't believe it!
05:45We've only got one act and she's shaved her beard off!
05:50There's always the eunuchs, Lord!
05:51Oh, yes, sir!
05:53The eunuchs and the amazing beardless woman!
05:57There must be someone else!
05:58There must be!
05:59Look!
06:00There's the jumping Jews of Jerusalem, my lord!
06:03What do they do?
06:04They jump, my lord!
06:07They come in, my lord, and they jump!
06:09A lot!
06:11It's a humorous act!
06:12There must be something else!
06:14Surely!
06:15Ah, what's this?
06:16The death of the pharaoh!
06:19Sir Dominic Prick, in his magnificent stone in Michelinies,
06:23performed the tragic ancient Egyptian masterpiece,
06:26The Death of the Pharaoh!
06:28That sounds funny!
06:29Oh, no, no, no!
06:29I found that very moving, my lord!
06:31Well, it'd better be funny, or prick'll get his comeuppance!
06:34I can tell you!
06:34Get up!
06:35What about Jerry Merriweather and his four chickens?
06:39What do they do?
06:40Lay eggs!
06:41Yes, sir!
06:43All right, all right!
06:44We'll have them!
06:44We'll have them!
06:44Come on, boy!
06:47Come on!
06:47Come on!
06:50Come on!
06:57What...?
06:58What is it, Mum?
07:00The eunuchs!
07:06I should have known
07:07Never trust a eunuch
07:08What are we going to do?
07:09I know what I'm going to do
07:10Baldrick, give me an execution order
07:13I'm going to teach them a lesson they'll never forget
07:15And remove whatever extraneous parts of their body still remain
07:22My Lord
07:23Take that to the Lord Chancellor
07:24Thank you
07:25Oh God, this is desperate, desperate
07:28We could have the Morris dancers, my Lord
07:31Now look, we are not that desperate
07:35Morris dancing is the most fetuous, tenth-rate entertainment ever devised by man
07:40Forty effeminate blacksmiths waving bits of cloth they've just wiped their noses on
07:45How it's still going on this day and age, I'll never know
07:50Sorry, so do you want them or not?
07:54Ah, Edmund
08:03And rest
08:04Oh, splendid
08:05And how are the rest of the entertainments coming along?
08:08Oh, um, very, very well indeed
08:10Um, I think it's going to have a slightly Spartan look
08:14What? Greek?
08:16Uh, yes, that's right
08:18Yes, Greek
08:19Oh, good look
08:20Uh, everyone, uh, turning up?
08:21Oh, absolutely everyone
08:22Um, so many people in fact
08:25I'm afraid I've had to let the eunuchs go
08:28Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
08:55Leave out the eunuchs on St. Leonard's Day would be like
08:57Well, it would be like leaving out the Morris dancers
09:00Or the, well, the bearded women
09:03Besides, Lord Dougal McAngus, the king's supreme commander
09:08Is expected at the feast
09:09And as you know, eunuchs are his particular favourite
09:13Hmm?
09:15Scottish, you see
09:16Ah, good, good
09:20Well, I'm relying on you, Edmund
09:21Hang on
09:26So
09:28Some carrot-faced, thistle-arsed Scottish orangutan
09:34Apparently he's a great warrior, my lord
09:36Oh, yes, that's what they all say
09:37Those Scots, they're just barbarians
09:39Half of them can't even speak English
09:41What do they speak?
09:43I don't know, it's all Greek to me
09:45Oh, do you speak Greek?
09:47No, I mean, it sounds like Greek
09:49Well, if it sounds like Greek, it probably is Greek
09:52It's not Greek
09:54But it sounds like Greek
09:57What's not Greek, but sounds like Greek
10:00That's a good one, my lord
10:01Look, it's not meant to be a brain teaser, Percy
10:04I'm going to tell you that I cannot understand
10:06The blind word they're saying
10:08Well, no wonder, my lord
10:09You never learn Greek, of course
10:11Percy
10:13Have you ever wondered what your insides look like?
10:17Sometimes, my lord, yes
10:19Then I'd be perfectly willing to satisfy your curiosity
10:21Is it?
10:23Oh, my God, this Scotsman's beginning to annoy me already
10:26I'm the Duke of Edinburgh, you know
10:28And lard of Rooksbrust, Selkirk and Peebles
10:31I can make things very difficult for him
10:33As for these entertainments, I don't know
10:37Baldrick, you've got a beard
10:38Go and get yourself a nice dress
10:40Oh, right, my lord
10:42Percy, you'd better go and get
10:44Bernard the Bear Baiter
10:46Yes, my lord
10:47Looks like we'll be needing him
10:48Now, Percy
10:49Yes, my lord
10:49Tell him to bring a bear this time
10:54Improvising last year was pathetic
10:59Now, mother, the toast
11:01To father's return
11:04What the devil
11:18Noble Harry, Prince of Wales
11:20Do go where Kangas greets you
11:22And lays at your feet the spoils of an enemy at war
11:26Oh, sorry, that's my overnight bag
11:30Behold, treasures torn from the torsos of the top
11:34Oh, my Kangas, it fills me with joy and hope to see you
11:39What news of my father the king?
11:41When I last saw him, he swore he would be back by the Feast of St Leonard
11:43I'll die near Teb
11:45God forfend, we shall pray for his safe passions
11:48Join us, join us, you must be starving
11:50And young Lachanvar
11:52Oh, yes, and him too
11:53Come on, Lachanvar
12:02You must be the king's wee bit of rumpy-pumpy, eh?
12:05I am the king
12:06Aye, aye, once I've got a message for you
12:09My father asked me to send his regards to you
12:11Do I know him?
12:13Oh, I think you can say that, yes
12:15He's Donald McAngus, third duke of her guile
12:21Ah, Edmund, there you are
12:23Look, Angus, this is the man who's providing the entertainments for us tomorrow
12:26Ah, the eunuch
12:31There's a groat for your trouble
12:34I am not a eunuch
12:36You sound like one to me
12:38I am not a eunuch
12:40I am the Duke of Edinburgh
12:42Oh, you are, are you?
12:43Yes
12:44Same old story, eh?
12:46Duke of Edinburgh had about as Scottish as the Queen of England's tits
12:50Oh, sorry, eh?
12:51May offend your majesty
12:53I'm sorry, you're in my chair
12:56Don't apologise
13:00Well, now we've all got to know each other
13:03I have rather a special announcement to make
13:05Well, tell me you're a eunuch as well
13:07Like Angus
13:08As reward for your heroic deeds in battle
13:11My father here empowers me
13:13To grant you anything that you may desire of me
13:16Have you got any sense?
13:18He'll ask for a haircut
13:20I'm on it
13:21All I ask for is a scrap of land
13:23Grant me fair Selkirk and the noble sire of Roxburgh
13:27What?
13:28Very well, by the power vested in me
13:30Excuse me
13:31Um, I'm sorry to dip my little fly in your ointment
13:35But, er, those lands do in fact belong to me
13:39Yes
13:40Well, so perhaps, perhaps he'd like to choose somewhere else
13:44Look, Angus
13:45No, no, I love Roxburgh and Selkirk
13:47But that leaves me with peebles
13:49Oh, yeah, and peebles
13:52Are you trying to say something, Edmund?
13:53Well, I don't know
13:55I mean, some people might say
13:57Well, what an absurd idea
13:59Giving away half a Scotland to a kilted maniac
14:02For slaughtering a couple of syphilitic Turks
14:08I say, let's reward him
14:12Good, good
14:13So be it
14:18Hooray
14:26I'm gonna kill him
14:27And I'm gonna kill him now
14:29Who, my lord?
14:30That stinking Scottish weasel
14:32Why, my lord?
14:33Because he's a thieving stinking Scottish weasel
14:35That's why
14:35How?
14:37I'm gonna stab him
14:38Where?
14:38In the great hall
14:40And in the bladder
14:42But
14:43If you do it in front of everybody
14:45Won't they suspect something?
14:49Yes
14:49Here's a drawback
14:52Yes, perhaps we need something
14:55A little more cunning
14:59I have a cunning plan
15:00Yes, perhaps
15:01But I think I may have a more cunning one
15:02Well, mine's pretty cunning, my lord
15:04Yes, but not cunning enough, I imagine
15:05Well, it depends how cunning you mean, my lord
15:07Well, I'm pretty damn cunning
15:08How cunning do you think I mean?
15:09Oh, mine's quite cunning, my lord
15:10All right, then, let's hear it
15:12Let's hear what's so damn cunning
15:14Right, well, first of all
15:15You get him to come with you
15:16Oh, yes, very cunning
15:18Billigly cunning
15:19I ask him to come with me
15:20And then stab him, perhaps
15:22No, cunning can you again
15:23No, my lord
15:23You get this enormous great cannon
15:24No, I see
15:25Take him outside
15:27Get him to stick his head down a cannon
15:28And then blow it off
15:29Yes, Billigly
15:30Yes, more thing
15:31That's a wonderful idea
15:34No
15:35I think I have a plan
15:37That will give us a little more
15:40Entertainment
16:09Entertainment
16:34Tar, by you, by you, by you, by you, by you
17:08I'll help you.
17:10Um, no, no, I'm fine, thank you.
17:14Good.
17:20I'm not in your way over here, are you?
17:23No.
17:29Oh, there is just one thing.
17:32I was wondering if you could do me a little favor.
17:38Uh-huh.
17:39Um, I was wondering if you'd like to help with the celebrations tonight.
17:44Oh, for staying away, do you mean?
17:53Um, well, the thing is, um, we were hoping to present a mystery play by one of our leading thespianic
18:03troops.
18:03Um, but unfortunately, one of their number is ill, um, and I thought you'd be the perfect person to, to
18:12take his place.
18:13Well, I warn you, I'm no actor.
18:18Well, there shouldn't be much acting required.
18:22Um, it's an ancient Egyptian piece, uh, called The Death of the Scotsman.
18:30I'll have a crack at the red.
18:33You, uh, you can play the Scotsman, if you like, who, who dies at the end of the play.
18:40Oh, acting dead?
18:41Now that I can do.
18:43Yes, well, as I say, there, there may not be much acting required.
18:54Oh, and, uh, mind the weasel pet.
18:56Oh!
19:30Oh, the tree, let's see those branches waving and swaying the bees.
19:34Tall, tall, taller, now smaller, small children.
19:37Ah!
19:37Sir, have you made necessary changes?
19:40Yes, sir, my lord.
19:42Oh!
19:43Oh!
19:50Oh!
19:53Oh!
19:53Oh!
19:53Oh!
19:54Oh!
19:56Oh!
19:56Oh!
20:00How did it go?
20:02Uh, not bad.
20:04See, you know, I don't really think they understood it.
20:10we three are gathered with most bold intent here by the banks of the graceful nile where camels ride
20:19and deserts blow to spill the blood of this scotsman vial what is a scotsman doing in egypt
20:28i'm not sure but apparently they've had very good reviews
20:33i met my father on the way back through france apparently him and your mother used to
20:39no don't be absurd such activities are totally beyond my mother my father only got anywhere
20:45with her because he told it was a cure for diarrhea can you believe it i've got some letters i
20:50took
20:51for his tent by god they're hot stuff i'll tell you they certainly cast a wee shadow of doubt
20:56over the parent who the young harry for a start so don't be absurd silence
21:01what a bagpipe strums behold this way our victim comes
21:07oh that's my cute i'm on letters letters where are these letters
21:11they're safe for heading away listen i'll show you them later
21:14oh all right
21:18children come in the person you come not a whit too soon
21:22for is this not the weather fair or this the eye of june
21:28i it is what business do you mean
21:34quick oh my god my canvas is going to die
21:39carat-faced orangutan
21:40leave in scots weasel
21:42no no look no look he knows too much
21:46that is why he must die
21:49oh look he hasn't he hasn't he has vital information
21:52i've changed my mind i've changed my mind
21:54oh my god what am i going to do
21:56stop the show my lord
21:57how how well just say stop
22:00what's our reason what's our reason to stop the show
22:02because the knives are real and the kangas is just about to get killed
22:06oh you bastard
22:17stop sorry i'm late
22:36good excellent it's certainly my mother's handwriting
22:39when did you say these words
22:41uh 1460
22:42the year my brother was born
22:44ha ha ha
22:46baldwick get in here
22:51baldwick get out there
22:52and tell everyone that the rest of the entertainments have been cancelled
22:55why
22:56why we've not told you to be swimming as a rat
22:58now why have they been cancelled my lord
23:00so has he
23:01bald
23:02i have a very important announcement to make
23:08does that mean i have to take the dress off
23:16now have you played your cards right
23:18you could become king
23:19ah yes
23:20one day
23:21ah similar than you think baby
23:22so last time i saw your father
23:24you just charged it to constantinople when they shut the gates on him
23:28no
23:28yes
23:29ten thousand of the turk in there armed with scimiters
23:32and your father with a small knife for peeling fruit
23:37oh
23:45jerry merriweather
23:48another nail in the coffin of variety
23:51i like bernard the rabbit baiter
23:54thank you
23:55thank you
23:56look edmund
23:57is this announcement going to take long
23:59i haven't seen hide nor hair of a eunuch yet
24:01no
24:02don't worry harry
24:03it will soon all be over
24:07my dear mother
24:08my dear brother
24:09lords and ladies of the court
24:13today
24:14there came into my possession
24:15from the hands
24:17my lord of your faithful servant
24:19dougal mcangles
24:20certain letters
24:22letters
24:23extraordinary letters
24:26concerning the lineage of prince harry
24:30letters
24:31letters
24:32what is so extraordinary about them
24:34letters
24:35well harry
24:36they were written
24:37by your mother
24:38to
24:39your father
24:42your father harry
24:44being of course
24:45donald
24:46sir duke of argyle
24:47i beg your pardon
24:49these letters are of quite an intimate nature
24:52let me give you an example
24:55arundel
24:55thursday
24:56my dear hairy wary
24:58often as you sit at table with my husband
25:01probing deeply into the affairs of state
25:05i long for the day when you will probe
25:08edmund
25:08are you sure you know what you're saying
25:10as sure as our mother was harry
25:12when she wrote these words
25:14dear big boy
25:16sail south
25:18as you know
25:19your galleon is always assured
25:21a warm welcome
25:22in my
25:24harbour
25:25big boy
25:27mother
25:27do you know anything about this
25:29well what chance did i have
25:31i was just a little foreign girl
25:33then i must renounce the regency
25:36and high me to a monastery
25:38edmund
25:39you shall be regent until
25:41your father returns
25:43the king will not be returning
25:45what
25:46oh dear
25:47no when the changers last saw him
25:49he was facing half the turkish army
25:52armed only with a small piece of cutlery
25:55so i think you'd like to start things off
25:58the king is dead
26:03is probably dead
26:10Thou is the king. The king is finally dead. Thou live the king. The king is not dead. Thou live
26:21the king.
26:25Lord, death, war, run to Pompey, triumph, Macandas, my companion in blood and most trusted friend.
26:40You've made it.
26:41Yes, I made it thanks to my trusty fruit knife.
26:53Wait a minute. What's going on here? Who are you?
27:01He's our son.
27:03What? Yes, of course.
27:08He did.
27:10My beloved father, certain letters have come to light which might change things a bit around here.
27:18Letters? What letters?
27:20They speak of acts of love between your wife and Donald, the gay dog of the glens.
27:27I long to be in that kingdom between the saffron sheets where you and your ruler are the only ruler.
27:35And then acts of love consummated, oh, you enormous Scotsman.
27:39And these letters are dated November and December, 1460, which, Harry, in relation to your date of birth, is precisely
27:50nine months after I was born.
27:56For about nine months before your birth, Edmund.
28:03You bastard!
28:06No, I think you're the bastard, Edmund.
28:10Silence! I want an explanation!
28:15My liege, the reason I have gathered you all here today is to try to get some proper justice meted
28:25out against this Scottish turd who has clearly forged these obviously fake letters.
28:31Let me see them!
28:32No, I rip them up in his face so no hint of their filthy slander can remain.
28:42You come in here, fresh from slaughtering a couple of chocos when their backs were turned, and you think you
28:48can upset the harmony of a whole kingdom?
28:51I challenge you to a duel to the death!
28:55Um, yes, all right.
28:58Excellent idea. After all, it is St. Lennett's Day. There's meant to be some entertainment.
29:07Good very good.
29:09Take your pleasures.
29:15It's nice to see old Glenshire again.
29:17You ain't you entamed with the feed talks and the human shesky barbie?
29:24Very well.
29:26Let the killing begin.
29:52Come on, watch the hold-up!
29:54Um, I'll give you everything I own. Everything!
29:58Uh-huh!
29:59Um, I, I, I'm hardly a rich man.
30:01You're hardly a man at all!
30:04But, but, but, but, but my horse must be worth a thousand ducats.
30:09I can sell my wardrobe, the pride of my life. My swords, my curtains, my socks, and my fighting cocks.
30:17Oh, my servants I can live without, except perhaps he who oils my rack.
30:22And then, my most intimate treasures, my collection of antique codpieces. My wigs for spades occasions, my wigs for private
30:30occasions, and my wigs for humorous occasions, and my, my collection of pokers, my grendel stretchers, my ornamental pumphreys, and
30:41of course, my autographed miniature of Judas Iscariot.
30:48Ha ha ha!
30:51Ha ha!
30:52That's nowhere near enough!
30:54Ha ha ha!
30:56Ha ha ha!
31:08Ha ha ha!
31:09pass laws over Scotland I wouldn't pass water over we're all terribly pleased
31:23you're back father I'm not I miss the smell of blood in my nostrils and the
31:29Queen's got a headache but we do have a fascinating week ahead and in fact the
31:35Archbishop of York has asked me if you'd care to join his formation Italian dance
31:39class and I really ought to give him an answer do you want me to be honest or
31:44tactful tactful I think tell him to get stuffed as a little hooligan the kangaroo
31:51left no Edmund's giving my last look around the castle now while this well
31:58I'll be sorry to see him go very interesting yes and so will Edmund they've
32:03become the Turks the drains father Harry there's been rather a messy accident you
32:14must camp with me oh my god I should need my plunger
32:21the sun of your feet cross the glade
32:25could go lock up your son and daughter
32:30beware the deadly flashing blade
32:34unless you want to end up shorter
32:37Black adder black adder black adder he rides a pitch black steed black adder black adder he's very bad indeed
32:52black as he is all
33:02black kind of law
33:09black adder black adder black adder with many a cunning plan
33:19Blackadder, Blackadder, you are a little man.
Comentarios