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00:11Hello? Oh, hi, Kel. Yeah, tonight. Dominga, 6.30. Yeah, okay. Can't wait. Yeah, me too, you
00:25great, Uncle Shabung. Oh, hang on a minute, Kel. What's she doing here? Sorry, Kel. Hang on.
00:39Kim! What are you doing here, Cracker Sparrow? Oh, bless Brett. Again. Sorry, Kel. I've got to go.
00:47Kim's here. Cry for us. What are you saying to me, Kim? What? My marriage is over. O-V-A
00:53-H.
00:54Over. Again. That's what you said last week, Kim, and the week before. Really, you're
00:59the girl who cried wolf, Kim. Look at me, Mum. I'm a wreck. Yes, you are. You're really
01:04stacked on my wife. Oh, thank you, Mum. Thank you for mentioning my wife. In this my hour
01:09of need. I've got all the bags. Oh, hello. I've left, Kim. I'm moving back home. Oh, Kim,
01:14you've only been married two months. What about your wedding now? Duff my vows. My marriage
01:19wasn't working. Oh, you've been stupid. You just can't leave your husband. How stupid
01:23am I? Was Melanie Griffith stupid, Mum? Was Rachel Hunter stupid? Because they've all
01:29left bad marriages. Put my bags in my room. No, Kim, you can't. I won't let you, Kimmy.
01:34Kimmy. Now, look at me. Look at me, Kim. Look at me. Look at me. Now, I've got one word
01:39to say to you, Kim. Pump. What? Pump and pilates? Your bedroom is now my exercise room. I did
01:46my pump in here. Pilates, please. What? I like to keep myself trim, Kim. Does it make
01:54me a cream to keep myself trim? What have you done to my room? Where are my care beds?
01:59No, Kim. Look, this is my townhouse now, and frankly, I'm enjoying being an empty nester.
02:04I haven't got room for you here anymore. Ow! The King Wee. Well, where's that? Oh,
02:13you're picking me up, aren't you? Okay. All right, go. Bye. Who's that?
02:17M-Y-O-V, please. And what's this stupid thing? It's a super-so-ker, Kim, for the bloody
02:23cats on the roof. I'm starving. What's here to eat? Oh, you'll get no joy there. I'm on
02:29diet. Oh, it's a chocolate cheesecake. Yum. No, leave that. Don't eat it. Think of
02:34bread for a change, will you? Do you think bread is the bee's knees? Well, let me tell
02:38you, Mum, bee's knees are hard to live with 24-7. I'm just warning you, Kim. There are
02:47a lot of trim little PAs out there just waiting for a lovely guy like Brett. Well, I don't
02:52care. I've left, Kim. What do you want me to do, Kim? I mean, I can't run your life for
03:01you. You're a growing woman. And that's enough tiny titties, please. I'm very proud of my
03:10home. Ditto myself. I'm very proud of how I look. Yes, I am high maintenance, but I think
03:18you've got to be. And frankly, I enjoy it. This is me time now. And Kel has come into my
03:25life,
03:26which is going beautiful, I have to say. In fact, I don't want to put the mockers on it,
03:31but I have a feeling in me waters that tonight might be the night Kel proposal.
03:43I've got a really nasty papilloma coming up on my heel. Oh, you can hear from us outside,
03:50sweetie. What are you up to step for? I'm going out on a date, all right? With a guy? Yes.
03:56Who? His name is Kel, and he happens to be the best thing that's walked through my front
04:01door since sliced bread, Kim. You never go out with guys. Where are you going? I don't
04:05know. Just out for a nice meal somewhere. Somewhere a bit special, maybe Chinese. Not
04:10that special for 800 million Chinese. Oh, zip your lip, Kim. Look, come here, quickly.
04:15I need your help. Now, what do you reckon? All right, okay. The gum nut vibies or the parrots?
04:19What do you reckon? Because nicer. The parrots. The parrots? They're nice. Oh, they're
04:23different. They're unusual. They're different. Yeah, all right. Okay. Oh, that's Kel now.
04:29Okay, Kim. You behave, all right? Oh, hi, Kel. You look gorgeous. Thanks so much. I love
04:41your shoes. They're great. Kel, I'd like you to meet my daughter. This is Kim. Kim Kel.
04:48Hi, Kel. Kim, lovely to meet you. I'll tell you what, you two could be sisters.
04:52Oh, Kel. Oh, I'll just go and get a vase for those. You two talk amongst yourselves.
05:00So, Kath didn't tell me. When's the baby, Jim? I'm not pregnant.
05:10Busy at work? No. What is it you do again? Work in a call centre. So this conversation may be
05:18monitored for quality control. Plus two would just hang up. So, Kim, do you like sausages?
05:28What? Because I think I may have invented the perfect gourmet sausage. Smoked veal and rosemary.
05:33How's that grab you? Oh, that sounds delicious, Dol. Kel's a wonderful butcher, Kim.
05:37Purveyor of fine meats, actually, Kath. How late are you going to be? Late. How light's
05:43light? Light, light, all things going well. Hey, Mum. Your breath stinks. You clean to
05:48see. Hold up. Be out in the car, Kath. Oh, yes. All right, Kel. See you later, Kim.
05:55I could kill you, Kim. Really? What? Don't forget to wash off, Mum. You're a little bee.
06:17Right. There we go.
06:31I got married too young. That's a given. Brett took me so for granted. If I had known that the
06:38flowers and the dinners out every night were going to stop, I never would have done it.
06:41No, not in a million years. I was just the boring old housewife, wasn't I? But look at me.
06:49I'm not a housewife. I'm a hornbag. Mum's super pleased I'm back. Well, let's face it,
06:56there's nothing else in our life. I feel a hole for her.
07:06I just want to say that was a very special meal tonight, Kel. No, thank you for that. You know,
07:12it means a lot to me to know that my man has good taste when it comes to fine dining
07:16in restaurants.
07:17I don't know. Hush. Those sweet licks of yours, Captain. There is something I want to propose.
07:25Propose? Yes, Kel? You're a foxy lady, Captain. In light of that, I propose...
07:33Yes, Kel? That I take you to paradise. You mean surface? No, I mean right now.
07:41Oh, look, Kel. Mine is not a pepper tool. That's a brickie. Oh, Kel. Oh, that's unusual. What do you
07:47call it?
07:52Oh, what do you think? Oh, and he always leaves the toilet seat up.
07:57And that was Battle of the Sexes in 8.05. Well, the table, Mum. It's a mess. Oh, I don't
08:03know.
08:03Kel and I laid it last night. What? Oh, Kim, I'm very proud to say that last night,
08:09Kel made me feel more like a woman than I've felt in a long time. Not before breakfast, please.
08:13Oh, no, Kim. I need to talk about it. You know, last night, Kel touched me. He touched me in
08:18nooks
08:18and in unexplored cramps. Mum! I knew I had. Oh, it was wonderful,
08:23Kim. I was aching. I was aching under his... Mum, I don't want to hear about you doing it
08:26with some complete loser. Morning, Tiger. Morning, Kim.
08:30Speak of the devil. What can I get you for brickie, Kel?
08:33Oh, I bet you would be all right. Oh, Kel. Haven't you had enough?
08:37No, seriously. Oh, I know. Some yoghurt moussel would be nice.
08:41OK, you go sit down. Oh, yeah. Hi, Mrs. Z. Oh, hi, Sharon.
08:47Yeah, I thought it was Karen the driveway. She left bread again. Got it in one, Sharon.
08:51Oh, sorry. Sharon, I'd like you to meet Kel. Kel Knight.
08:55Hi, I'm Sharon Spreslecki. Sharon, nice to meet you.
08:58Hi, I'm Sharon Spreslecki. Hi, nice to meet you too.
09:00Yes. Kel is the man who is sharing my life and my bed at this point in time.
09:04Oh, nice. I knew you. Yes, I knew you. Yes. So, you're around early, Sharon?
09:08Oh, yeah, I've got an appointment with the ophthalmologist this morning, Mrs. Z.
09:11Oh, how is your eye, love? Yeah, much better.
09:15This thing's stopped. Um, Kel, would you be liking a shower before you go to work today?
09:19Oh, that'd be nice. How about you and I shave some water?
09:22Oh, sounds economical. I am a bit of a greenie. Oh, for God's sake. Oh, Sharon, thank God you're here.
09:28Kel, are you all right? No.
09:31Oh, it's true. You have that bread again? Yep, and this time, it's for good.
09:35Yes, Sharon, this time she's bought her bags. That's enough. Dibbity Bix, please, Kim.
09:39Oh, Kim, why? Why? Because Brett and I have nothing in common. He's lazy and whingers.
09:45I never thinks about himself. I mean, what about me? Yuck. Oh, I hate it when you guys break up
09:52at Rick.
09:53Don't you want that, Kim? Brett really adores you, you know? He does, Kim, and I think Brett's a real
10:00find.
10:01I mean, he earns a very good salary. You call that a good salary? Oh, I could be effluent, Mum.
10:06Effluent.
10:06You are effluent, Kim. I mean, look at everything you've got. You've got a Hyundai and a high tablet round
10:12in,
10:12a half-chair and a home unit, a DVD player, a mobile. I mean, what else is there?
10:17It's not enough. I deserve more. Oh, Kim. Look, I've read all the self-help books,
10:23and Brett is in his cave right now, and you're pulling his rubber bands far too tight.
10:28I mean, it's men are from Mars and women are from Venus.
10:30Yeah, and you're talking from Uranus.
10:33I'll be in the shower.
10:37See you, Kim? Turn them off with your fowl mouth.
10:42Kel doesn't like ladies talking dirty unless it's me.
10:46Kel, doll. Sharon, you're my second best friend. Help me.
10:52All right. Kim, you're listening to Sharon. All right.
10:56Now, I've been in 29 netball premierships. I've played indoor cricket in four states,
11:00and I shot put it at a national level. Now, I think I know what I'm talking about, all right?
11:03And the sooner you realise that all men are bastards and develop an interest in sport,
11:07the happier you'll be.
11:10You're right, Sharon. You can't trust them.
11:16Hear them a small. Small?
11:22Aren't you going into work today, Kim? No.
11:27What's Brett doing since you've left him? I bet he's lonely, but he's missing you.
11:32He's so gorgeous, Brett. Love him.
11:35I think Brett's so great. I don't know what he's doing.
11:38Brett could be having an affair for all I know.
11:40But Brett, I don't think so.
11:43Oh, you don't know, Mum. Brett is a real pants man.
11:47You know, in fact, I think I have evidence.
11:50Evidence? I just think you're making this up as you go along, Kim.
11:53Oh, am I? Well, get this.
11:55In the back of his drawer in a bras and things bag, I found a sexy black lace teddy size
12:0016.
12:01Size 16? Well, that's your size, Kim.
12:03That is your birthday thing.
12:05I'm not a size 16, Mum. I'm a size 10.
12:08Huh. Country road size 10.
12:12That feels really nice.
12:15Oh, what do you call that?
12:18Shiatsu.
12:18Oh, language please, Kel.
12:21Oh, actually, before I forget, down at Fountain Gate at the moment,
12:24they have a really good deal on big screen TVs. Yeah, you buy an 80-inch Kelly,
12:30and they'll throw in, for absolutely nothing, a bodyguard DVD.
12:33Hmm. That's a very good job, but that Kevin cost us all over.
12:36Oh, yeah, that's gorgeous.
12:37It'll give your groin a bit of a stretch.
12:39Okay.
12:39All right.
12:41Oh, good.
12:42Oh, it's perfect.
12:43Oh.
12:44Oh.
12:45Oh.
12:47Oh, Kim, I think it's nice about your mum and Kel.
12:50Don't you think it's nice that she's got a boyfriend?
12:52Or are they de facto?
12:54Day facto and night facto, the fact that they're factoing it all,
12:57I find repulsive in the extreme.
12:59I thought we were talking about my marriage breakdown.
13:02Okay, come on. Talk to me.
13:04Tell Sharon all about it. Come on.
13:05Talk to the ears, because the hand ain't listening.
13:07No, Sharon, the more I think about it,
13:09the more I've convinced myself Brett's having an affair.
13:12That black-laced teddy's got me really churned up inside.
13:15And he can know for sure.
13:18Maybe you could stalk him.
13:19No, Sharon.
13:21He can't know that I need to know.
13:23Well, I could do it for you, you know.
13:25Follow him around and go through his rubbish.
13:28That's not such a stupid idea, you know.
13:31Yeah, yeah, you do it.
13:32You do it because I can't.
13:34Because I don't want to look desperate.
13:35What's wrong with looking desperate?
13:45You couldn't ask for a better friend than Sharon.
13:48She's one of those people who makes you feel better just being around.
13:50I don't want to look at him, you know, by comparison.
13:53I don't want to look at him.
14:24Anyway, Kath, there was something that I wanted to ask you.
14:29Yes, Kel?
14:30You know you rock my world, Kath Day.
14:33Ditto two-fold, Kel Knight.
14:36And in light of that, how would you like to turn day into night?
14:42Oh!
14:43Oh, oh, oh!
14:45Oh!
14:47Kim!
14:50Oh, sorry, Dong.
14:54What was it you can ask me?
14:57Don't worry.
14:59No, it's all right. What was it about the Kel and Knight and the Kath Day?
15:03No, it was nothing.
15:07I could kill Kim!
15:08I mean, we're all on top of each other at the moment, it's like Big Brother around here.
15:12Would somebody please ring and evict Kim from the house?
15:16It's a bloody disaster.
15:27Just unpacked everything, it's got my room looking really nice.
15:30I'm just putting the rest of your stupid pump stuff in a good room.
15:34Mmm, something smells good and I'm not talking about that tuna pie.
15:38You're a nice stranger, where have you been hiding?
15:41I thought I should do it for a while, let you and Kim sort a few things out.
15:45But I've got to say, those solder pads are doing things to me.
15:48How do you think I feel, you great hunk of spunk?
15:51I don't know, I just can't seem to relax while Kim's here.
15:53She makes me feel like it's wrong, that it's sort of dirty or something.
15:56What is wrong with two very attractive middle-aged people wanting to go for it like Lennox?
16:01All I can say is I'm one hell of a frustrated individual at the moment.
16:04Well, I'm chanting it a bit myself, Kel, but you know, Kim is my daughter and whether I like it
16:11or not, she's a big fat reality that I have to deal with.
16:14All right, I hear you. I'm in the way. I'll get out of your hair for a bit.
16:17Oh no, Kel, you don't have to do that.
16:19No, it doesn't matter. It's probably for the best. I've got some thinking to do anyway.
16:22Oh no, Kel, Kel, we're still on for tonight aren't we at Fountain Bay?
16:31Hi Mrs. Dee.
16:32Oh, hi Sharon, love.
16:33Hey, you look a bit tired, look like you've been burning the candle at both ends of the spectrum.
16:37Yeah, I've been stalking Brett for Kim.
16:39Sharon, what are you doing here? You're meant to be watching Brett.
16:42Oh, I just wanted to get some tea, can you? I don't need anything to eat for 12 hours, my
16:46blood sugar's just...
16:47Well, it's the same old story, isn't it? You want to stalk someone?
16:49Well, do it yourself.
16:51Well, why don't you stalk Brett yourself, Kim? Get you out from underkelling my hair.
16:55So, what's he been up to?
16:57Well, he's been coming and going a lot and, um...
17:00Now, don't get angry, Kim, but there was a girl.
17:04Who?
17:05I don't know.
17:06What's she look like?
17:07I don't know.
17:08What do you mean you don't know?
17:10Well, you know my good eye's been bad ever since I copped a fly ball in the face of baseball
17:14that time.
17:15Well, think.
17:16Well, Kim, I actually think she looked a lot like you.
17:20Only she had short hair.
17:23I think it might have been brown.
17:24Oh, my God.
17:26Well, where did they go?
17:28What did they do?
17:29I don't know.
17:30I didn't see.
17:31But, Kim, I think she was wearing the black lace teddy.
17:35Are you sure?
17:37I don't know.
17:44Who is it?
17:45That's what I want to know.
17:48I don't believe it of Brett Kim.
17:50Mum!
17:51Sharon saw Brett kissing a girl with her very own eye.
17:54I just think you should stop your nonsense and go back to her.
17:58Trust you, just pick up for him.
18:00Look at this.
18:01How could he?
18:01We were married only two months ago.
18:04Yeah, it was a beautiful wedding.
18:05I only hope one day I'd be able to be as beautiful a bride as you were, Kim.
18:08Thank you, Mum.
18:10Maybe not quite as large.
18:12Evidently, our marriage meant nothing to him.
18:14Nothing.
18:15Well, you still have your video and that's your memories, Kim.
18:18That's important.
18:19That's it.
18:20That's it.
18:21I've got it.
18:22Sharon, wake up.
18:23I'm going to prove it to you, Mum.
18:25Sharon, I want you to get Mum's video camera and secretly film Brett.
18:28And we'll see who this bitch is.
18:29Mum!
18:30Where's your video camera?
18:32Oh, I'll get it.
18:33It's in the bedroom on the tripod.
18:35Get that tape out.
19:03It's after seven and Kel's not here.
19:05Very worried about Kel and I, actually.
19:08Hmm.
19:09That's reasonable.
19:10Pretty warmer and runaway ride DVDs, $11.99.
19:13Attention shoppers.
19:15Would that moxie blonde in the stretched denim, please put down the bodyguard DVD and make
19:20her way to the centre of the store.
19:22I repeat.
19:23Would that gorgeous shopper in aisle two, please make her way to the centre of the store.
19:29Can you come back to the store?
19:31Darlene Day.
19:32No.
19:34Hush.
19:35Those sweet lips of yours.
19:37There is something I want to say.
19:38And I want the whole high fire department to hear it.
19:42Kat.
19:43Will you bury me?
19:49Oh Kel! Kel! Where are you? Kel?
20:03Yes! I say yes!
20:06Lock it in Eddie! Yes!
20:14Oh!
20:21Kim! Kimmy!
20:25Kim!
20:27What are you doing in the courtroom?
20:29I was too messy in there, did you see him, was he with her?
20:31Yes, Kim!
20:33Oh Kim, there's been a bit of a mistake.
20:36It's really not very good quality, Kim.
20:38Never mind the quality, Sharon. I don't care about that.
20:52What are you doing?
20:53Nothing!
20:57I've got someone I want you to meet.
20:59Hey babe!
21:01That's really all there is Kim, I'll turn it off.
21:03No, don't try. I'll be alright.
21:06So this is the girl you say looks exactly like me?
21:08Hi pretty!
21:09Careful isn't she?
21:10Oh! Yeah!
21:13It's a dog, Sharon.
21:18What's your name?
21:19You bloody idiot!
21:20I know Kim, but it's a very big dog and...
21:23You know all I know!
21:25What are you just doing?
21:26Dwell on the bright side!
21:27Yeah, me pretty isn't having an affair!
21:29I'll turn it off Kim!
21:31No way!
21:31What's this?
21:32He's huge at the moment!
21:34Really stacked all the way!
21:35Especially with the thighs and that!
21:36Oh!
21:37If that isn't a pop calling to kill that!
21:39Oh, alright!
21:39Kim, I didn't say that!
21:41The camera mustn't have heard me!
21:43Unbelievable, Sharon!
21:44Can you give it this for me?
21:52Sorry!
21:54Hi pretty!
21:55Bye Kiko!
21:57So, this is some Brett!
21:59What a cute cut!
22:00I mean, sleazy!
22:01Oh!
22:02Come on!
22:02Brett's under a lot of stress!
22:05You, Sharon!
22:06You made me stalk him!
22:08You took advantage of him!
22:09You're female!
22:10He's male!
22:11He can't help himself!
22:12No, she just takes his course!
22:13Even with you, Sharon!
22:14He's really below the belt!
22:16And you know how sensitive it is!
22:18Time out!
22:18Time out!
22:19Time out!
22:19Time out!
22:20Time out!
22:21Time out!
22:23What's happened, Tim?
22:23What's happened?
22:24Well, that's it.
22:25It's final.
22:25My marriage is kaput.
22:27Oh, what?
22:27So, Rick really is having an affair?
22:29No, he's not having an affair.
22:30But he's gone and brought a bloody dog without consulting me, and that's grounds for divorce.
22:34So, you're getting a divorce?
22:35Well, that's very ironical, because guess what?
22:38I'm getting married!
22:40You're getting married?
22:41Yes, look!
22:41To him!
22:42Yes!
22:42Look!
22:44Oh!
22:45Oh!
22:46That's nice.
22:46That's not a different idea.
22:48That's not a different idea.
22:49Yes.
22:50Kel and I have decided to make our beautiful, sensual relationship a mere formality.
22:55Oh!
22:56Thank you, Sharon!
22:57Thank you, Sharon!
22:59Thank you, Sharon!
23:00Thank you, Sharon!
23:00Thank you, Sharon!
23:00Thank you, Kimmy!
23:01Oh!
23:02Isn't that exciting?
23:03It's going to be a summer bride, Sharon.
23:05So, you know, it's going to be beautiful weather.
23:07Only three months, not a lot of time.
23:08Kimmy, you've got to drop the dress files at me.
23:10Right.
23:10It doesn't give us a lot of time.
23:11You're going to be my bridesmaid mate.
23:12It's a bit of honour depending if your divorce for Brett comes through.
23:14All right, Mum!
23:15Come down!
23:16And Sharon, I would love it if you'd be a bridesmaid too.
23:20Oh, Mrs. D, I'd be honoured, you know.
23:23And, um, I'd just have to check that I haven't got my army reserve on that weekend.
23:26I thought, Mum!
23:27Come on!
23:27It'll be summer!
23:28She'll be blotchy!
23:29You'll be itching the buggery, Sharon!
23:31You won't have a...
23:31I can take anything!
23:33You can't help them canner!
23:34Come on, let's all have a toast!
23:36All righty, I'm going to put on the footy fence and crack over to Team Maria!
23:39Yeah!
23:39Hip hip!
23:40Hip hip!
23:40Hip hip!
23:40Hip hip!
23:41Hip hip!
23:42Hip hip!
23:42Hip hip!
23:43Hip hip!
23:44Hip hip!
23:46Hip hip!
23:50Hip hip!
23:51Carol doesn't know I smoke.
23:53Brett doesn't know I smoke.
23:55Oh, but of course he does!
23:57He doesn't?
23:58I hide them!
23:59I hide them!
23:59I hide...
23:59What is that?
23:59...and you learn!
23:59Arm up,dies be models,