00:00Music
00:25...envelope for the return of fame, and we'd love to send one out to you.
00:31Music
00:39Hello? Oh, hi Kel. Yeah, tonight? Dominga? 6.30? Yeah, okay. Can't wait.
00:48Yeah, me too, you great hunk of shabung.
00:51Oh, hang on a minute, Kel. What's she doing here? Sorry, Kel, hang on.
01:02Kim! What are you doing here, Cracker Sparrow? Oh, bless Brecht.
01:09Again. Sorry, Kel, I've got to go. Kim's here. Crisis.
01:13Oh, what are you saying to me, Kim? What? My marriage is over. O-V-A-H. Over. Oh, again.
01:19That's what you said last week, Kim, and the week before. Really? You're the girl who cried wolf, Kim?
01:24Look at me, Mum. I'm a wreck. Yes, you are. You're really stacked on the wife.
01:28Oh, thank you, Mum. Thank you for mentioning my wife, Lee. In this my hour of need.
01:33I've avoided all the bad. Oh, hello. I've left him. I'm moving back home.
01:37Oh, Kim, you've only been married two months. What about your wedding now?
01:41Stop my vows. My marriage wasn't working. Oh, you've been stupid. You just can't leave your husband.
01:46How stupid am I? Was Melanie Griffith's stupid, Mum? Was Rachel Hunter's stupid?
01:51Because they've all left bad marriages. Got my bags in my room? No, Kim, you can't. I won't let you,
01:57Kimmy.
01:57Kimmy. Now, look at me. Look at me, Kim. Look at me. Look at me.
02:02Now, I've got one word to say to you, Kim. Pump. What? Pump and Pilates?
02:07Your bedroom is now my exercise room. I did my pump in here.
02:12Pilates, please. What? I like to keep myself trim, Kim. Does it make me a cring to keep myself trim?
02:20What have you done to my room? Where are my care beds? No, Kim. Look, this is my townhouse now.
02:26And frankly, I'm enjoying being an empty nester. I haven't got room for you here anymore.
02:32Ow! The King Wee. Well, where's that? Oh, you're picking me up, aren't you?
02:37Okay. All right, go. Bye. Who's that?
02:41M-Y-O-V, please. What's this stupid thing?
02:45Super soaker, Kim, for the bloody cats on the roof. Oh, I'm starving. What's here to eat?
02:51Oh, you'll get no joy there. I'm on diet pack. Oh, it's a chocolate cheesecake. Yum.
02:56No, leave that. Don't eat it. Think of all bread for a change, will you?
02:59Do you think bread is the bee's knees? Well, let me tell you, Mum, bee's knees are hard to live
03:04with 24-7.
03:08I'm just warning you, Kim. There are a lot of trim little PAs out there just waiting for a lovely
03:14guy like Brett.
03:15Well, I don't care. I've left him. What do you want me to do, Kim? I mean, I can't run
03:24your life for you.
03:25You're a grown woman. And that's enough tiny titties, please.
03:32I'm very proud of my home. Ditto myself. I'm very proud of how I look.
03:39Yes, I am high maintenance, but I think you've got to be. And frankly, I enjoy it.
03:45This is me time now. And Kel has come into my life, which is going beautiful, I have to say.
03:52In fact, I don't want to put the mockers on it, but I have a feeling in me waters that
03:57tonight might be the Nikel proposal.
04:02Water! Water, Kim! Quick, out of my way! What? I need to water off. I've got a really nasty papilloma
04:09coming up on my heels.
04:11Oh, can you smoke outside, please? What do you like to step for?
04:15I'm going out on a date, alright? With a guy? Yes. Who?
04:21His name is Kel, and he happens to be the best thing that's walked through my front door since sliced
04:25bread, Kim.
04:26You never go out with guys. Where are you going?
04:29I don't know. Just out for a nice meal somewhere. Somewhere a bit special. Maybe Chinese.
04:33Not that special for 800 million Chinese.
04:36Oh, zip your lips, Kim. Look, come here quickly. I need your help. Now, what do you reckon?
04:40The gum not viby, or the parrots? What do you reckon? It's nicer. The parrots.
04:45The parrots? They're nice. Oh, they're nice. They're different. They're unusual.
04:47They're different. They're unusual. Yeah, alright.
04:50Okay. Oh, that's Kel now.
04:53Okay, Kim. You behave, alright?
04:58Oh, hi, Kel. You look gorgeous.
05:04I love your shoes. They're great.
05:06Um, Kel. I'd like you to meet my daughter. This is Kim. Kim, Kel. Why, Kel?
05:12Kim, lovely to meet you.
05:14Tell you what, you two could be sisters.
05:16Oh, Kel. Oh, I'll just go and get a vase for those. You two talk amongst yourselves.
05:23So, Kath didn't tell me. When's the baby, Jen?
05:27I'm not pregnant.
05:34Busy at work?
05:35No.
05:37What is it you do again?
05:39Work in a call centre.
05:40So, this conversation may be monitored for quality control.
05:44Pest two would just hang up.
05:49So, uh, Kim, do you like sausages?
05:51What?
05:52Because I think I may have invented the perfect gourmet sausage.
05:55Smoked veal and rosemary. How's that grab you?
05:58Oh, that sounds delicious, Dol.
05:59Kel's a wonderful butcher, Kim.
06:01Purveyor of fine meats, actually, Kath.
06:03How light are you going to be?
06:05Light. How light's light?
06:07Light, light, all things going well.
06:09Hey, Mum. Your breath stinks. Have you cleaned your teeth?
06:13I'll be out in the car, Kath.
06:15Oh, yes. All right, Kel.
06:17See you later, Kim.
06:19I could kill you, Kim. Really?
06:21What?
06:28Don't forget to wipe off, Mum!
06:32You're a little bee.
06:55I've got married too young. That's a given.
06:58Brett took me so for granted.
07:00If I had known that the flowers and the dinners out every night were going to stop, I never would
07:04have done it.
07:05No, not the millionaires.
07:08I was just the boring old housewife, wasn't I?
07:11But look at me. I'm not a housewife. I'm a hornbag.
07:16Mum's super pleased I'm back.
07:18Well, let's face it. There's nothing else in her life.
07:21I feel a hole for her.
07:29I just want to say that was a very special meal tonight, Kel.
07:34No, thank you for that.
07:36You know, it means a lot to me to know that my man has good taste when it comes to
07:39fine dining in restaurants.
07:41Hush. Those sweet licks of yours, Cat Bay.
07:45There is something I want to propose.
07:48Propose?
07:49Yes, Kel?
07:50You're a foxy lady, Cat Bay.
07:53In light of that, I propose...
07:57Yes, Kel?
07:58...that I take you to paradise.
08:00You mean surface?
08:02No, I mean right now.
08:04Oh!
08:05Oh, Kel!
08:06Mine is not a pepper pill.
08:08That's a brickie.
08:09Oh, Kel.
08:10Oh, that's unusual.
08:11What do you call it?
08:14Kel!
08:15Oh, what?
08:16Oh!
08:18And he always leaves the toilet seat up.
08:21And that was Battle of the Sexes.
08:23It's 8.05.
08:24Coming out by the rain.
08:24What are you looking at the table, Mum?
08:25It's the next.
08:26Oh, I don't know.
08:27Kel and I laid it last night.
08:28What?
08:29Oh, Kim.
08:30I'm very proud to say that last night,
08:32Kel made me feel more like a woman than I've felt in a long time.
08:35Not before breakfast, please.
08:37Oh, no, Kim.
08:38I need to talk about it.
08:39You know, last night, Kel touched me.
08:40He touched me in nooks and in unexplored cramps.
08:43Mum!
08:43It was wonderful, Kim.
08:46I was aching, aching under his...
08:48Mum, I don't want to hear about you doing it with some complete loser.
08:52Morning, Tiger.
08:53Morning, Kim.
08:54Speak of the devil.
08:55What can I get you for brickie, Kel?
08:57Oh, I bet you would be alright.
08:58Oh, Kel.
08:59Haven't you had enough?
09:01No.
09:02No, seriously.
09:03Oh, I know.
09:03Some yoghurt and mousel would be nice.
09:05Okay, you go sit down.
09:06Oh, I'll get it.
09:08Hi, Mr. Z.
09:09Oh, hi, Sharon.
09:10Yeah, well, I thought you'd come to drive where she left Freddie in.
09:14Got it in one, Sharon.
09:15Oh, sorry.
09:16Um, Sharon, I'd like you to meet Kel.
09:18Kel Knight.
09:19Sharon Spreslecki.
09:20Sharon, nice to meet you.
09:21Hi, I'm Sharon Spreslecki.
09:23Hi.
09:23Nice to meet you, too.
09:24Kel is the man who is sharing my life and my bed at this point in time.
09:27Oh, nice.
09:28Unusual.
09:29Yeah.
09:30So you're around early, Sharon?
09:32Oh, yeah.
09:32I've got an appointment with the ophthalmologist this morning, Mrs. Z.
09:35Oh, how are you?
09:36You're alright, love?
09:36Yeah, much better.
09:38This thing's stopped.
09:39Um, Kel, would you be liking a shower before you go to work today?
09:43Oh, that'd be nice.
09:43How about you and I save some water?
09:45Oh, sounds economical.
09:47I have a bit of a greenie.
09:48Oh, for God's sake.
09:50Oh, Sharon, we've got your hair.
09:52Are you alright?
09:53No.
09:54Oh, it's true.
09:55You have that bread again?
09:56Yep, and this time, it's for good.
09:58Yes, Sharon, this time she's bought her bags.
10:01That's enough dibbidi dicks, please, Kim.
10:03Oh, Kim, why?
10:04Why?
10:05Because Brett and I have nothing in common.
10:07He's lazy and whingers.
10:09I never thinks about himself.
10:10I mean, what about me?
10:12Yuck.
10:13Oh, I hate it when you guys break up at...
10:16Don't you want that, Kim?
10:19Brett really adores you, you know?
10:21He does, Kim.
10:22And I think Brett's a real find.
10:24I mean, he earns a very good salary.
10:26You call that a good salary?
10:27I want to be effluent, Mum.
10:29Effluent.
10:30You are effluent, Kim.
10:32I mean, look at everything you've got.
10:34You've got a Hyundai to hightail it round in,
10:36a half-share in a home unit, a DVD, say, a mobile.
10:39I mean, what else is there?
10:41It's not enough.
10:42I deserve more.
10:43Oh, Kim.
10:45Look, I've read all the self-help books,
10:47and Brett is in his cave right now,
10:49and you're pulling his rubber bands far too tight.
10:51I mean, it's men are from Mars,
10:52and women are from Venus.
10:53Yeah, and you're talking from Uranus.
10:57I'll be in the shower.
11:01See you, Kim?
11:03Turn him off with your foul mouth.
11:06Kel doesn't like ladies talking dirty unless it's me.
11:09Kel, doll.
11:10Oh, poor Kim here.
11:12Sharon, you're my second best friend.
11:14Help me.
11:15All right.
11:17Kim, you listen to Sharon.
11:19All right, now, I've been in 29 netball premierships,
11:22I've played indoor cricket in four states,
11:24and I've shot put it at a national level.
11:25Now, I think I know what I'm talking about, all right?
11:27And the sooner you realise that all men are bastards
11:29and develop an interest in sport,
11:31the happier you'll be.
11:34You're right, Sharon.
11:35You can't trust them.
11:40Here are my smalls.
11:43Smalls?
11:46Aren't you going into work today, Kim?
11:48No.
11:51What's Brett doing since you've left him?
11:53I bet he's lonely.
11:54I bet he's missing you.
11:55He's so gorgeous, Brett.
11:58Love him.
11:59You think Brett's so great?
12:01I don't know what he's doing.
12:02Brett could be having an affair for all I know.
12:04Brett.
12:05I don't think so.
12:07Oh, you don't know, Mum.
12:08Brett is a real pants man.
12:10You know, in fact, I think I have evidence.
12:13Evidence?
12:14I just think you're making this up as you go along, Kim.
12:17Oh, am I?
12:18Well, get this.
12:19In the back of his drawer in the bras and things bag,
12:21I found a sexy black lace teddy size 16.
12:25Size 16?
12:25Well, that's your size, Kim.
12:27That is your birthday thing.
12:28I'm not a size 16, Mum.
12:30I'm a size 10.
12:31Huh.
12:32Country road size 10.
12:33I'm from Really Wayne?
12:34Oh, kay.
12:34Yeah, maybe I—
12:35frozen.
12:35Oh, kay?
12:35Yay, not me.
