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00:28This is the worst part
00:29of my job. I do not want to lose a good man. But, you know, it's out of my hands.
00:38And even if it were in my hands, my hands are tied. It's nothing personal. It's just based
00:42on fact.
00:42Why am I getting fired?
00:44You're not getting fired. It's redundancy. It's nothing personal. It's cutbacks being
00:47what they are. You know, you are one of the unlucky ones. Or one of the lucky ones, in
00:52my opinion.
00:56Now, I'm going to ask you, David, why, when there are three other forklift operators,
01:00do you decide to fire me and not Anton? You know, is this, er, is this positive discrimination?
01:05Is it? You know, do you have disability quarters you have to fill?
01:07I don't know what you mean. I mean...
01:09Well, are you keeping Anton on because he's disabled?
01:12Anton's not disabled.
01:13He's a midget, David.
01:15Yeah, but you're not disabled if you're a midget, are you? That's not a disability.
01:18That's just small.
01:19Yeah, I know.
01:19Ronnie Corbett doesn't get special treatment, does he?
01:22Ronnie Corbett's five foot. Anton's three foot four.
01:25So are some children. Children don't get special favours. Children aren't disabled,
01:28are they?
01:29Well, children don't work in warehouses.
01:30Look, whether or not Anton is indeed a midget or a dwarf or...
01:34No, he's a midget.
01:36What's the difference?
01:39Well, a dwarf is someone who has disproportionately short arms and legs.
01:43Oh, I know the ones.
01:44Yeah.
01:44Yeah.
01:45It's caused by a hormone deficiency.
01:47Yeah.
01:47Bloody hormones.
01:48Yeah.
01:49A midget is still a dwarf, but their arms and legs are in proportion.
01:53Sure.
01:55So, what's an elf?
01:57Do you want to answer that?
02:05An elf is a supernatural being. Sometimes they're invisible, they're like fairies.
02:12They don't actually exist, do they? In real life.
02:40What do you want me to... Do you think I enjoy doing this? This has been imposed upon me.
02:43This has been imposed upon me.
02:45This has been imposed upon me.
02:46Yeah, it has.
02:47Yeah.
02:47What do you want me to say?
02:47Oh, I'm sorry that I gave you a job.
02:49Yeah, yeah.
02:49I want you to say you're sorry.
02:51I want you to apologise and stop passing the buck.
02:53I'm not passing the buck.
02:54This is someone else's decision.
02:55I didn't want to do this.
02:56You know, go above my head if you don't believe me.
02:58Oh, I will go above your head.
02:59Fine.
03:00Good luck.
03:00It's your prerogative.
03:01Yeah, it is.
03:01Yeah, it is.
03:02Yeah, it's my prerogative.
03:03Yeah.
03:08So, is a pixie the same thing as an elf?
03:10Oh, no, Gareth.
03:11What?
03:11I just want to know how come you know so much about midgets.
03:18It's called an education.
03:22So, what's a goblin?
03:23How long are you going to be, mate?
03:28I know I probably seem like quite an imposing figure now with my, you know, slick boss, but
03:34you get to know me.
03:36You see, I'm mad.
03:40And I've got that in.
03:42So.
03:44Oh, here we go.
03:47Malcolm.
03:48Welcome.
03:49Welcome.
03:50This is, er, Karen Roper, my new secretary.
03:53Although you can all use her.
03:54Oh, as an actress said to a bishop.
03:57Nice to meet you.
03:57Hello.
03:57Welcome.
03:58David, er, can I just ask, why have you hired yourself a new secretary when you're having
04:03to fire people like Alex this morning?
04:06Different people, different jobs, isn't it?
04:08Different to wit, the answer to the question, is it people or task, is, you know, people.
04:17Like this person.
04:18Go Jack.
04:20David.
04:20That's what we call him.
04:21Roger's face.
04:22What have you.
04:22Who loves you, baby?
04:24Am I going to be fired?
04:26When will we know what's happening?
04:28Good question.
04:29Jennifer is coming in midday today, Greenwich Mean Time.
04:33She will have the verdict then, OK?
04:35I was just trying to keep the troops happy.
04:37Well, they'll be a lot happier if they knew they'd got jobs.
04:40Yeah.
04:44I think no other weird-looking bald people could do.
04:48That one of Benny Hill?
04:49Oh, yeah.
04:50Yeah.
05:00I don't know if you've met Tim.
05:03He's thinking of leaving.
05:04Yeah.
05:04He's feeling bad about himself.
05:06I'm going to have a chat to him, make him feel good about himself, turn it round, you
05:11know, look and learn.
05:13So...
05:14Timothy!
05:15Hello.
05:16All right.
05:16Have a quick word.
05:17Sure.
05:17Walk this way.
05:22Always start with a joke.
05:29You might want to make notes just for...
05:32Hiya.
05:33Hiya.
05:33Come in.
05:34What's up?
05:35How are you doing?
05:36All right, thanks.
05:37Good.
05:37You don't mind if Karen sits in just to learn the ropes?
05:40No, not at all.
05:41What are we doing?
05:43I just want to know why you think they're leaving, mate, you know?
05:47I've got to tell you, I'm not thinking of leaving.
05:49Sure.
05:50Sure.
05:51I don't want you to stitch anyone up, but it's nothing I've said or done, is it?
05:55No.
05:55No, not at all.
05:56Definitely not.
05:56No.
05:57No way.
05:58No.
05:59No.
05:59I mean, I don't want to put words in your mouth, but what sort of a boss would you say
06:03I am?
06:04I'm a...
06:05Good boss.
06:07No, mate, you're a great boss.
06:08It's just I don't think that I am in a position any more.
06:12It's not because you asked Dawn out in front of everyone and she said no, is it?
06:15I didn't ask her out.
06:15I didn't ask her out.
06:16It was as a friend.
06:17Why does everyone think?
06:18It was as a put friend.
06:19Yeah.
06:20Yeah.
06:20Yeah.
06:20So why the move?
06:25It's not one thing, Dave.
06:26It's lots of little reasons.
06:28Can I...?
06:28Sure.
06:29Sure.
06:30Okay.
06:31I don't really enjoy the work I do here.
06:34I'm sorry, but I feel a little bit like I'm wasting my time.
06:39Life's too short.
06:40Yeah, exactly.
06:42You know, let's be honest, though.
06:43I am 30, right?
06:44Yeah.
06:44I want to retire with some stories to tell, you know.
06:47They're on about paper.
06:48Yeah.
06:49I'll give you paper stories that'll crack you up, so...
06:50That's true.
06:51Yeah, they are hilarious.
06:52Hilarious.
06:52Put down hilarious.
06:53Do you want me to go on?
06:54How many have you got?
06:56It's like an alarm clock's gone off and I've just got to get away.
07:00I think it was John Lennon who said, er, life is what happens when you're making other plans.
07:05And that's how I feel, you know.
07:10Although he also said, er, I'm the walrus, I'm the Eggman, so I know what to believe.
07:16Okay, David, listen to me, all right?
07:17No.
07:18No, you listen to me, Tim.
07:20When you first came, you didn't know about the paper industry that you...
07:25I showed you the ropes, I nurtured you, I gave you a good job.
07:27He doesn't want.
07:29Didn't ask you.
07:30Okay, you did ask me how I felt and I'm telling you.
07:32I don't want to know now.
07:32What do you mean?
07:33Don't want to know now.
07:33This has been a waste of time.
07:35It's been a waste of time.
07:35Yeah.
07:35I'll tell you what, won't you both go and do some work instead of whinging?
07:39Please.
07:40No, go on.
07:41Instead of, you know...
07:42Don't say out there what you've said in the air apart from thinking about good boss,
07:45if you want to.
07:46I don't want you spreading your bad vibes around my office.
07:49All right?
07:50You can be like that at the party.
07:51That'll be fun.
07:51I don't know.
07:54You try and do a good deed?
08:00I might...
08:09You all right?
08:11Yeah, hello.
08:12All right.
08:13Are you going to the, um, party?
08:16Yeah.
08:16Yeah, yeah, of course.
08:17Wouldn't miss it.
08:18Cool.
08:19Yeah.
08:20Uh, yes.
08:21Good night.
08:21Good night.
08:34I hope they get rid of me, because then I'm going to actually get off my arse and do something.
08:40I don't think as many little girls dream to be a receptionist.
08:45I don't know what I'll do, but whatever it is, it's got to be a career move and not just
08:49another arbitrary job.
08:52And Tim's advice is that it's better to be at the bottom of a ladder you want to climb than
08:57halfway up one you don't.
09:01But I just, I don't want to be treading water, you know, and then wake up in another five years'
09:07time and say, shit, done it again.
09:23Do you think you could...
09:26Could you not do that here, mate?
09:27Sorry, I just wondered if you couldn't do that here.
09:29I've got to do it, mate.
09:30Really?
09:31Really.
09:32No chance you could throw it in the bin?
09:35Well, yeah, and maybe I should just take them around to rival companies, just hand them out.
09:39Good point.
09:41But could you just throw it in the bin?
09:45Can you put it down a bit?
09:47Hmm?
09:47Can you stop it?
09:49Yeah.
09:51I'll just do it like this.
10:04Hiya.
10:05Hi, David.
10:05Hi.
10:05You ready?
10:06Yeah.
10:08Who's she?
10:10Don't know.
10:18Now, I know I promised you some kind of answer today.
10:21I don't think it's the one that you were expecting.
10:24Firstly, I'm moving on.
10:26You've been fired?
10:27No.
10:28No.
10:28No, I've been made into a partner.
10:31So I've made you into a partner?
10:33So that'll be Wernham, Hogg, Taylor, Clark, Usman, I'll have to change all the stationery.
10:38Yeah, I think we might get a discount, though, as we're in the business.
10:4040% sometimes.
10:41The point is, David, my job is now available, and the board thought that either you or Neil
10:46should take over the role.
10:49I can tell you now, the board have voted 5-2 in favour of you taking the job.
10:56Voted for me?
10:575-2?
10:58There's only 7 on the board, isn't there?
10:59Yes.
10:59So it's 5 out of 7.
11:00Now, I did speak...
11:01That's a landslide.
11:02David.
11:03Go on.
11:04You've always made it very clear that you're 100% committed to your branch.
11:07Probably why I got there.
11:08You do understand that if you take on my job, Neil will stay in Swindon and your branch will
11:13be downsized and incorporated into his.
11:16Yep.
11:17Well, I know that you're very loyal to your family here.
11:20I'll be loyal to his family.
11:21I'll be loyal to all the whole family.
11:22It's one big family.
11:23Yeah, I'm just sensitive to the fact that you have strong, let's say, emotional ties to your team.
11:27Oh, yeah, but there is the emotion as good in business syndrome, sure, notwithstanding the cruel-to-be-kind scenario.
11:36I'm sorry, David, you've asked me.
11:38Well, you're not looking at the whole pie, Jenny.
11:40Word of hard is one big pie, and if they've let me in charge of that one big pie, I'll
11:45be in charge of the pie and the people of the fruit.
11:48I don't have time for the pie thing, David.
11:50You don't want it, no.
11:51I'm saying.
11:52Yeah, okay, I'll take the job.
11:53Good.
11:54Okay, well, the first step is to meet with Alan and the board.
11:57Good.
11:57Yeah.
11:58What's 5 out of 7 as a percentage?
12:0170%?
12:02Mm.
12:0371.4.
12:05So?
12:05Call Susan and arrange to meet the board and finalise all the details.
12:10Well, congratulations and good luck.
12:11Yeah, you don't need luck when you've got 71.4% of the population behind you.
12:18Is she still here?
12:23Bye, John.
12:31What do you think?
12:33What do you think?
12:35How did it go?
12:36What's the news?
12:37What did she say?
12:38Bye.
12:39What's the damage?
12:42It's complicated.
12:44Are you going to tell us?
12:45Yeah.
12:46Yeah.
12:48David.
12:52David.
12:52Bye.
12:52You're not sending me.
13:00We'd like to know now.
13:01Okay.
13:03Right.
13:05Okay, gather.
13:06Yeah.
13:07You are.
13:08Um, well, there's good news and bad news.
13:13The bad news is Neil will be taken over both branches and some of you will lose your jobs.
13:19Yeah, yeah, those of you who are kept on will have to relocate to Swindon if you want to, so,
13:25yeah, stay, I know, I know, gutting, gutting, you, you didn't see me.
13:33On a more positive note, the good news is, I've been promoted, so, every cloud.
13:49You're still thinking about the bad news, aren't you?
13:52There's no good news, David.
13:53There's only bad news and irrelevant news.
13:55Yeah, that's not a phrase, though, is it?
13:57I couldn't come out and go, oh, I've got some bad news and some irrelevant news.
14:00You could have just told us about Neil.
14:02Kept your promotion to yourself.
14:04Yeah, right.
14:04Should have told us the good news first, got you happy and...
14:06There is no good news, David.
14:08Hmm.
14:09I think promotion is genuinely considered good news.
14:11We're going to lose our jobs.
14:13You're not all going to lose your jobs.
14:15God, just...
14:17Right, you're not going to lose your job.
14:19You're not going to lose your job.
14:20You know, you're not going to lose your job.
14:22So, let's get it in perspective, yeah?
14:26Come on.
14:30You know there's only seven people on the board, yeah?
14:34I don't know.
14:37When are the rest of you going to find out?
14:42I can't believe it.
14:44After all the things he's said, it's just...
14:46I'm in shock.
14:48Sold us out.
14:51Wanker.
14:54What?
14:55TV Brint's leaving.
15:06So, you're definitely leading him?
15:09Er, yeah, it would appear so.
15:11Uh-huh.
15:12What about us?
15:14There's nothing going on between us.
15:16Not like that.
15:16Not like that, no.
15:18You know, but we're a team.
15:20I'm assistant regional manager.
15:21Assistant to the regional manager.
15:23Uh-huh.
15:23Yeah.
15:25So I can still be your assistant?
15:27Can I, you know, if you're going off the...
15:30No, I'll be getting a proper assistant, a PA, probably so.
15:34Lady.
15:35Hopefully, yeah.
15:36Well, not because of that, just...
15:38What about Neil?
15:40Is he going to be needing an assistant?
15:41I could be his assistant.
15:42Neil's bringing his man with it.
15:45Bloody good guy, actually.
15:46Good assistant.
15:46A bloke called Terry someone.
15:48You'd like him.
15:49He's ex-army.
15:51Territorial?
15:54No.
15:56Regular?
15:57Yeah.
15:59What rank?
16:01Sergeant, I think.
16:03What are you?
16:05Lieutenant, sir.
16:08Anyway.
16:11All right, that's it then, is it?
16:14The old team on the scrap heap.
16:16It's all gone.
16:18Gareth.
16:19Come on.
16:21What are you doing?
16:22You're a soldier, aren't you?
16:24Eh?
16:25Yeah?
16:26Stiff upper lip and all that, eh?
16:28Spirit of the...
16:28Damn busters.
16:30Yeah?
16:31The squadron never dies, does it?
16:33Seen that film?
16:35Yeah, I've got it on a video.
16:36Well then, yeah.
16:38And before he goes into battle, he's playing with his dog and everything.
16:41Nigga.
16:42Yeah, that's not offensive.
16:43That's the dog's name.
16:44It was the 40s as well, before racing was bad, wasn't it?
16:47So...
16:47Yeah, the dog was called new.
16:48Don't keep saying it, but...
16:51Eh?
17:00So...
17:00Take anything.
17:02Choose one thing.
17:04Choose a memento.
17:05From me to you.
17:05Take anything you want.
17:07To keep?
17:08Yep.
17:09Have the guitar.
17:10Not having the guitar.
17:11I meant stationary or something.
17:12So I'm not going to reorder.
17:14A whole bunch.
17:15That's always handy.
17:20All right?
17:21Yeah.
17:23Bloody good one, that.
17:31Oh.
17:33Like confetti.
17:36Could be used as confetti, yeah.
17:39Chick with the vicar first.
17:41Always.
17:43Don't get down the carpet, Gareth.
17:44Oh.
17:44I've just...
17:47Sorry.
17:49A bit there.
17:50I don't see it as letting people down. If this is a family, then maybe it's time to cut the
17:55apron strings,
17:56let them stand on their own two feet, because you can be sure, if they were in my position, they'd
17:59take the job and go,
18:00yep, thanks, we're off, thanks for the opportunity and the great jokes, but this is a business.
18:07I'm not doing this for an Esther Ranson heart of gold, or if Esther's handing out awards,
18:13then do it for my charity work, not five fun runs in two years.
18:17So, why don't you ask Phillipa Norris or Simon Coleman at Mencap what they think of David Brent.
18:31So...
18:36It's the end of the financial year and spirits are in the sky.
18:52You're all smug now, you're moving away. But think of me, the shoe could be on the other foot.
18:57You're gonna be alright, aren't you? Yeah. I work hard, I earn my keep, but unfortunately, the history books are
19:04full of just people who toil and fight for worthy causes and the freedom of others and...
19:12Yeah. That's the most profound thing you've ever said, mate.
19:14Yeah, and you do all that only for foreigners or women or disabled to take advantage of it.
19:19Can I withdraw my last comment?
19:22What do you think of her?
19:23It's a bit out of your league, mate. Definitely out of your league.
19:26No, smug.
19:28So, just because you've got a bit of Donner because I played by the rules because she was out of
19:33bounds, you nipped in behind everyone's back.
19:36I'd have got a bit if I thought it was up for grabs. I'd have Donner, but that would be
19:40sitting on your own doorstep.
19:42And anyway, I don't do sloppy seconds.
19:44You see, it's phrases like sloppy seconds which make her out of your league.
20:15Boom. Hello.
20:18Welcome, everybody. Just a few things.
20:20You've seen the raffle over there. That's going to start later.
20:23And you can win a printer, some I bloody love.
20:27Although, if I win it, I'd probably either put the ticket back or give it a charity or something.
20:30But that's, you know, no pressure. That's...
20:34Good luck to Ricky, who's off pursuing his career starting Monday.
20:38So, have you got me a collection or a gift or something?
20:40Come on, come on.
20:43You've been a minute long, have you?
20:45You should have seen what we've got. Pete Gibbons.
20:48I'm going to tell you. They'll all remember that.
20:55Just coming from a meeting at head office where I was officially offered the job as UK manager.
21:03And as you know, taking that job will mean a lot of you will lose your jobs.
21:07And I'd just like to say, that's why I told them to shove their job up their arses.
21:14So you're staying here?
21:15Yes. We all are. We'll incorporate Swindon.
21:18So, you know, hip hip hooray for David Brent. Hip hip hooray.
21:24Yeah, no, stop it. Seriously.
21:26Move on. Let's move on.
21:27So, have a go. Let's rock.
21:30Smashy and nicey. Kick in there. Put the record on when I do that.
21:37That's...
21:37Clumsy.
21:41Sex bomb, sex bomb. Well, you're my sex bomb. You can give it to me when I need to come
21:48along.
21:49Sex bomb, sex bomb. Yeah. You're my sex bomb. And baby, you can turn me on. Turn me on, God.
21:59Tim. Hey, all right, mate. You all right? Yeah.
22:01Did you ask my girlfriend now?
22:03Hey, no, what?
22:03You hit on someone's girlfriend and you don't expect to get the trouble.
22:05No, no, no, no, mate. No, listen.
22:06What a bloke would I be if I let that go in?
22:07Can I just, no, listen, can I just say...
22:09We've got a problem in something, right?
22:09No, we have got a problem here. What are we going to do about it?
22:11What are we going to do about it?
22:11Lee, Lee, please, can I get a wedding?
22:12Because I asked her, it was a friend, it wasn't a girlfriend, it was a soldier to cry on.
22:17A soldier?
22:17Shoulder.
22:18What, you want a soldier to cry on? You bent or something?
22:22Is this a wind-up?
22:24Yeah, sorry, mate.
22:25Don't do that, mate.
22:26I'm having a bit of a laugh for you, all right? I'm sorry.
22:28I wouldn't blame you. She's a good-looking girl.
22:29Yeah, she is.
22:31Come on.
22:32All right.
23:19That's the thing about leadership, sometimes you've got to sacrifice yourself.
23:24Um, we just wanted to say we thought that was a really good thing you did.
23:28Yeah, man, really impressive.
23:30Very respect individually, but cheers.
23:32Well, you've got our respect individually.
23:34Yeah.
23:34Believe that a little bit more, if you hadn't jumped on top of you, the minimum back was turned.
23:38So...
23:38Actually, you know, I was on top of you.
23:40All right, OK.
23:41But we just wanted to say, well done.
23:42Yep.
23:43Yeah, that's right.
23:46And they probably did oral.
23:53Hey.
23:54All right?
23:55Enjoying the party, Mum?
23:56Yeah.
23:57So they offered you the job all day?
23:59Yeah, well, the thing is, I've been with this nutty lot, way too long to sit down the river for
24:05a couple of extra quill a year, so not interested.
24:07Right.
24:07It's just that I was speaking to Paula and she seems to...
24:11Alan's assistant.
24:11Oh, yeah.
24:12And she seems to think the reason that you didn't take the job was not because you didn't want it,
24:15or because you failed the medical because of high blood pressure.
24:19Oh.
24:21You've got to ask yourself, why did I get high blood pressure on the day of the medical?
24:26I can't...
24:26Are you saying that you cheated science and faked high blood pressure so that you could remain in the job?
24:32You know, you've got to ask yourself that.
24:35Did you?
24:36What's worse?
24:37Cheating medical science or cheating friends?
24:39Yeah.
24:40The board of directors come to me and they go, oh, oh, David, you're the best man for the job.
24:44You know, you've got to take the job and we won't take no for an answer.
24:47Oh, hold on.
24:48You failed the medical.
24:49All right.
24:50Stay with you, you know.
24:51For what your mole knows, you know, they may or may not have said that to me.
24:55Did so.
24:56They may or may not have.
24:57So, you faked high blood pressure in order to fail a medical test.
25:02Oh, no.
25:05See you later.
25:06See you later.
25:35Ooh, you wait a long time for me
25:42Ooh, you wait a long time
25:49I'm not a lover
25:53So don't forget this
25:57It's just a silly face
25:59I'm going through
26:12So when are you leaving me?
26:14Well, it probably won't be for quite a while
26:17Autumn?
26:18Probably not
26:21Oh, I thought you wanted to go back to university and everything
26:24Oh yeah, I will, but there's a slight bit of a change of plan
26:28Oh, right
26:31David's made me senior sales clerk
26:36Oh, ow
26:40I thought you wanted to be a psychologist
26:43Oh yeah, yeah, yeah
26:44But senior sales clerk is
26:47Well, it's 500 quid guaranteed extra a year
26:50And if I do a bit of networking
26:52Then there's every chance I could be in David's chair in three years
26:59And all that talk about, like, getting on, moving on in the world
27:03No, so moving up
27:04Yeah, moving up
27:05And moving up can mean within an internal ladder framework
27:09Or sideways to external then up
27:12You know, you've got to look at the whole pie
27:14Vis-a-vis my current life situation, you know
27:17Vis-a-pie
27:20Which means, of course, that my old job is free
27:26So, you know, have a word
27:28To me!
27:30To me!
27:30To me!
27:32Here we are
27:53You grow up, you work half a century
27:56You get a golden handshake
27:57You rest a couple of years
27:58And you're dead
28:00And the only thing that makes that crazy ride worthwhile is
28:03Did I enjoy it?
28:05Yeah
28:05What did I learn?
28:06What was the point?
28:06That's where I come in
28:07You've seen how I react to people
28:10I make them feel good
28:11I make them think that anything's possible
28:13Yeah
28:14If I make them laugh along the way
28:16Sue me
28:18Yeah
28:19And I don't do it so they turn around and go
28:20Well, thank you, David, for the opportunity
28:22Thank you for the wisdom
28:23Thank you for the laughs
28:25I do it so one day
28:27Someone will go
28:29There goes David Brent
28:32I must remember to thank him
28:40So what becomes of you, my love
28:46When they have finest stripped you off
28:50The handbags and the glad racks
28:53That your granddad had to swear
28:56So you could buy
29:13You've seen a話
29:13I must remember to thank you
29:14They've been in that lifestyle
29:14So you feel bae
29:14I mean, you've been listening to
29:15You've seen a nice outline
29:15That my own mind
29:15Few years
29:15But you've seen a nice friend
29:16I know
29:16You've been listening to