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00:34I'm 30 today.
00:36My mum got me up really early this morning to give me my present.
00:42Yeah, this is it, actually.
00:44It's nice.
00:45I'm into, you know, I like ballet.
00:46I love the novels of Proust.
00:48I love the work of Alan Delon.
00:51And that's, I think, what influenced her buying me Hat FM.
00:56I like the radio, too.
00:59No, it's all right.
00:59I think it's quite a sweet present.
01:04We'll make sure Finchie gets here on time for the quiz tonight.
01:08Seven o'clock on the dot.
01:09Six years in a row, winners.
01:13So, you know what?
01:14Finchie!
01:16Rent, all right?
01:17Don't forget tonight.
01:19Oh, here he goes.
01:19Straight away.
01:20Go on, go on.
01:22What's black and slides down Nelson's column?
01:25Don't know.
01:26Winnie Mandela?
01:28Oh, yeah.
01:28Yeah, that's good.
01:29No, it's not.
01:30It's not racist.
01:31I thought you were the column because he's, yeah.
01:33And she is black.
01:34And she probably, yeah, she's married.
01:35It's not even low.
01:35Yeah.
01:36Seven.
01:36See ya.
01:37Bye.
01:40What are you doing in so early?
01:41Is she at the bed?
01:43No.
01:44No, I haven't done that for weeks.
01:46No, my mum got me up at quarter to seven to give me a birthday present.
01:49Oh, happy birthday.
01:51What's she get you?
01:55Something you can wear.
01:58The hat?
01:59The hat, yes.
02:00Well done, yeah.
02:07How about you?
02:19Hiya, all right?
02:20Good day.
02:21Thank you very much.
02:22Thanks, Dom.
02:23Ta.
02:24Oh, hiya.
02:25My pat.
02:27Thanks.
02:28Um, good.
02:30That's all in order.
02:33What's the difference between your wages and your penis?
02:35I can find you lots of women who will blow your wages.
02:38What's that?
02:39I don't know.
02:40Why has that happened?
02:42Yeah.
02:44Lock up your daughters.
02:46She's going to say.
02:48Finch is on his way for the quiz.
02:49Oh, yeah.
02:50Chris Finch.
02:51Ain't it, Gareth?
02:52Yeah.
02:53Did you?
02:54Oh.
02:54Keep that running.
02:55You'll be able to use about 20% of it when you get me and him together.
02:58Gareth, ain't it?
03:01Oh, hat.
03:03It's, um, Tim's birthday.
03:05Oh, yeah.
03:07To be honest, I think you're mad to let me and Finchie on the bleeding telly.
03:11We're like Morecambe and Wise when we get together.
03:14Actually, not Morecambe and Wise.
03:15Because there's no straight man, so there's no dead wood.
03:19So, um, I'm more sort of character-based and he's more of a gag man.
03:24I do gags as well.
03:26But, I mean, good together, you know, by now.
03:29We sort of read each other's minds.
03:30We'll be doing a bit of shtick and we just start cracking up and people are watching and go,
03:35Why is that funny?
03:36And we're telling them why and they go, Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, you are the best.
03:39It's their opinion.
03:42Happy birthday, by the way.
03:43Which one is it?
03:43It's 30.
03:45It's a big 3-0.
03:46That's the worst one, isn't it?
03:47Oh, I know what you're thinking.
03:49My youth's over.
03:50I remember when I was 30, like you, I was going, Oh, I'm in a rubbish job.
03:55My life's rubbish.
03:56Nothing good ever happens to me.
03:57When will it change?
03:58But, you know, things do change.
04:02So, and it could be worse.
04:04There's a neighbour of mine, Calvin.
04:07He's 32 and he still lives with his parents.
04:09I live with my parents.
04:10Cherish them, really.
04:12Because you will miss them when they're not around.
04:14Both of mine are dead.
04:18Oh.
04:20So, Dad isn't dead.
04:22He's in a home.
04:24So, it's good as.
04:26Shocked a bit.
04:26It was, oh, God, called out the other night, 3 a.m., by the nurses.
04:31He was convinced there was a Japanese sniper on the roof of Debenhams.
04:35Does that look into his room?
04:37The back of the roof looks directly into his room, yeah.
04:39Good spot.
04:40It's a good spot.
04:41That's where I'd be if I had to take someone out.
04:43To live there.
04:46And I, um, had to go out to the room with him and go,
04:48Look, Dad, there's no Japanese sniper.
04:51So, who, who was it?
04:52Who was up there?
04:53No one was there.
04:54Oh.
04:54There's an imagination.
04:55There was just, there was no one there.
04:56Lucky.
04:57That's lucky.
04:58Because if there was a sniper up there, you wouldn't see him.
05:00You'd be like,
05:01Oh.
05:02Oh.
05:02No one there.
05:10Anyway, he is a vegetable now.
05:13And that's something we've all got to look forward to.
05:16So,
05:19that'll be your birthday.
05:21See you later.
05:27Good job.
05:28All right.
05:30Can you, uh,
05:31can you get him over there?
05:32Tim.
05:33Got your prezzy.
05:35Oh, thanks a lot.
05:37Happy birthday, mate.
05:37There you go.
05:37Thanks very much, Lee.
05:38You're nice.
05:39Oh, good man.
05:41Oh, this is exciting.
05:43Come on.
05:46This is big.
05:48Big and exciting.
05:52Exciting, huge, inflatable cock.
05:54God.
05:55You can sit on that if you like.
05:56It's not just for me, mate.
05:58That's from Dawn as well.
05:59God.
05:59God, you haven't gone already, have you?
06:01Um, no.
06:02You can never have too many anyway, I think.
06:03And you do prefer it to the money.
06:05Yeah.
06:06Yeah, I'd have only spent it on a huge, inflatable cock.
06:08Um, that is...
06:10All right, stop playing with him.
06:11You're getting that.
06:12Brilliant.
06:13Oh, God.
06:14Look at that.
06:16Doink, doink, doink.
06:19Experimentate.
06:20Don't do that.
06:22Oh, what?
06:22No, no, no, no.
06:23Lasting powers.
06:24I'm a naked mini-me.
06:26Good one.
06:27Um, Thomas, a tank engine rolled into town.
06:30Dick it.
06:31Ringo Starr.
06:32It's like, who's lying to it anyway?
06:36Don't grab it unless you've got my money,
06:37because it slows it down.
06:39Oh, that is brilliant.
06:42Oh, that'd be brilliant.
06:43Happy birthday.
06:43Remember?
06:44You're only as old as a woman you feel.
06:46I say that sometimes.
06:47Yeah, I just had it the other day,
06:48and I thought, oh, I'll just use one of my catchphrases.
06:50I don't mind influencing the young comedian.
06:52You're not a comedian.
06:53But, you know, I used to credit somebody if I used their comedy.
06:55What one's yours?
06:57Same shit, different day.
06:59It's mine.
07:00Exqueeze me.
07:01It's a little excuse me.
07:02Oh, um, wanky very much.
07:04Yeah, I invented that one.
07:06It's that to a weight or something.
07:06Wanky very much, doesn't it?
07:09Oh, and here's one, right?
07:11Witnesses, that I started this one, right?
07:13If someone's, um, unlucky, you go,
07:15I'm not saying he's unlucky,
07:16but if he fell in a barrel full of tits,
07:18he'd come up sucking his own thumb.
07:20Bit nob, yeah.
07:21I thought you suck nobs.
07:23Do you?
07:24No.
07:26Got it.
07:29They're cracking up.
07:32Oh, God.
07:34Yeah, there are limits to my comedy.
07:36There are things that I will never laugh at.
07:41The handicapped.
07:43Because there's nothing funny about them.
07:46Or any, you know, deformity.
07:49Yeah?
07:51It's like when you see someone look at a little handicapped
07:55and go, oh, look at him.
07:57He's not able-bodied.
07:59I am.
07:59I'm prejudiced.
08:01Yeah?
08:02Well, at least the little handicapped fella
08:04is able-minded.
08:07Unless he's not.
08:08It's difficult to tell with the wheelchair ones.
08:10So just give generously to all of them.
08:16Guys, don't forget to say
08:17I have a birthday to Tim yesterday.
08:19And also we'll be going out for drinks later this evening.
08:21What time?
08:22Not tonight.
08:23Why?
08:24Not tonight.
08:24Quiz.
08:25Oh, right.
08:26Well, we can go out before.
08:26When does it start?
08:27Seven.
08:28Always.
08:29OK, well, drinks at six, then.
08:30Do you get him a gift?
08:31No, but it starts at seven.
08:34I know.
08:34Yeah.
08:34Well, OK, drinks at six.
08:36Shall I get him a card?
08:37Whatever.
08:37For you, people.
08:38Finch is coming down,
08:39so you've got to be ready to go at seven.
08:41OK.
08:41Drinks at six.
08:43But starts at seven.
08:44Thanks.
08:44Drinks at six.
08:53Studying, quiz, yeah?
08:55You team again?
08:57Yeah, sure.
08:58Just three of you, is it?
08:59Yeah.
09:01Are you excited?
09:02First big quiz?
09:02Looking forward to it.
09:04It's not the first, though.
09:06I was on Blockbusters.
09:09What?
09:09What, on the telly?
09:10Yeah.
09:12Were you one of the two?
09:14Or, by yourself,
09:15if there's two of you,
09:16it's cheating,
09:16but just one of you's found
09:17just one?
09:17Just one.
09:18Well done.
09:19Do you win anything?
09:19Yeah, two gold runs,
09:21camping equipment,
09:22and Walkman.
09:23I usually get five,
09:24to be honest.
09:25Five gold runs?
09:25Yeah.
09:26But you know you have to answer
09:27loads of questions before
09:28you get them all.
09:32Give me one of the ones
09:32that you had.
09:33Fingers on the buzzers.
09:36OK.
09:38Which Y
09:39were...
09:40Which Y had a hit single
09:41with The Only Way Is Up
09:42and sung with The Plastic Population?
09:44Yazoo.
09:45Yaz.
09:46Yeah.
09:46Yeah, no, you said Yazoo.
09:47I know.
09:48Well, she caught off point,
09:48though. Yaz.
09:49Yaz.
09:50I know.
09:50Well, yeah,
09:51but you said Yazoo first.
09:52You would have got it wrong
09:53on Blockbusters.
09:53I wouldn't have said it
09:54on Blockbusters, sir.
09:54Well, you would have been
09:55all right, then.
09:57I'll give you one,
09:57the proper one.
09:58OK.
10:07Do you want a hand?
10:08No, no.
10:11Are you getting it?
10:12Yeah.
10:13Tiny bit, my lad.
10:15Sorry.
10:15Ooh, can I have this
10:16when you're finished?
10:17Yeah, you can have it.
10:18When will you be finished?
10:19Today?
10:19I don't know.
10:19I'll be fine.
10:21Maybe we could share it.
10:22OK, then.
10:23I'll just have it on weekends.
10:25OK.
10:30Is this going to take...
10:31No, I've got the...
10:31I know that it was going to be
10:33what D,
10:34and the answer
10:34was going to be Dostoyevsky.
10:36All right.
10:37I couldn't think of the question.
10:37All right, OK.
10:38Well, um,
10:39what D was a Russian dissident
10:40who wrote the novel
10:41Crime and Punishment.
10:43Would you have got that?
10:44I'd have had a guess.
10:45You don't get prizes for guessing.
10:49Unlucky.
10:50See you later.
10:57You can't come in here.
10:58Quiz officials only.
10:59What are you doing?
11:00I'm the quiz master,
11:01I'm doing the questions.
11:02Get out now
11:02or I'll report you.
11:03Simple as that.
11:04Need a question?
11:05Yeah, do not look at those.
11:06Right, disqualification.
11:07You're both disqualified.
11:08Um, Gareth,
11:09we're having an argument.
11:10We need your help.
11:11Yeah, not interested.
11:12Well, no, listen,
11:13because you can help.
11:14No, I don't want to help.
11:15I haven't got time to help, all right?
11:16Um, it's about the army.
11:17Go on then, quickly.
11:19Um, I was wondering
11:20if a military man
11:22like you,
11:24um, you know,
11:24a soldier,
11:25could,
11:26could you
11:26give a man
11:27a lethal blow?
11:30If I was forced to,
11:31I could,
11:32if it was absolutely necessary.
11:34If, uh,
11:34if he was attacking me.
11:35If he was coming
11:37really hard.
11:39Yeah,
11:39if my life was in danger, yeah.
11:41Oh.
11:41And do you always imagine
11:43doing it face-to-face
11:44with a bloke,
11:45or could you
11:46take a man from behind?
11:47Either way is easy.
11:48Either way.
11:49And so you could do
11:50a man from behind?
11:52Yeah.
11:52Yeah.
11:53Lovely.
12:04It's got an error,
12:05an offline.
12:06Error three,
12:08two,
12:08four,
12:09I think.
12:09So I'm gonna take the paper out
12:11and that comes out.
12:13Hiya.
12:14Hiya.
12:14You don't know about these.
12:15I'm trying to fix this.
12:17It's got an offline
12:18two, four, three error
12:20and I just,
12:20I don't know,
12:21I don't really know
12:21what that is, so.
12:22No, we were
12:24talking earlier
12:24about Dostoevsky,
12:25weren't we?
12:26Oh, yeah.
12:26Yeah,
12:27Theodore
12:28Mikhailovich Dostoevsky,
12:30born 1821,
12:31died 1881.
12:33Yep.
12:33Just interesting,
12:34that stuff about him
12:34being exiled in Siberia
12:35for four years,
12:36wasn't it?
12:36Well,
12:38I don't know much about that.
12:39I didn't copy it, really.
12:40All it is,
12:41is he was a member
12:42of a secret radical party
12:44and they put him
12:45in a Siberian
12:46labour camp
12:47for four years,
12:47so,
12:48you know.
12:50Hang on,
12:51I read about it
12:52in, er,
12:53he wrote
12:53House of the Dead
12:55and I think
12:56he put all his,
12:56yeah,
12:57all his memoirs
12:57in that.
12:59Didn't he?
13:01Yep.
13:09So,
13:11you've dug your foxhole
13:12and you've pitched your tent.
13:14Right.
13:14They've discovered your camp
13:16and you're lying there
13:18and they've caught you
13:19with your trousers down
13:20and they've all entered
13:21your hole
13:22without you knowing.
13:23No,
13:24because I'd be ready for it.
13:25Right,
13:26you'd just be lying there
13:27waiting for it.
13:28Oh, yeah.
13:28Well, no,
13:29what's more likely
13:29is that I wouldn't be there
13:31if I knew they knew
13:32where I was.
13:33I'd be hiding,
13:34watching the hole,
13:35using it as a trap.
13:36So,
13:36you'd be using your hole
13:38as bait?
13:39Yeah.
13:40Um,
13:40you're how old,
13:4130?
13:41And you're,
13:42getting off
13:42on pretending
13:43Gary's gay.
13:45What?
13:46Eh,
13:47what?
13:49I think she's been
13:50on the wacky backy.
13:59It's very complicated.
14:03You open that,
14:03you put that in there,
14:05put that down there.
14:06Oh,
14:07and you,
14:07yeah.
14:08Push the green button.
14:10Were we talking earlier
14:11about Dostoevsky's
14:12House of the Dead?
14:14Yeah,
14:14I think we mentioned it,
14:15yeah?
14:15Which he wrote
14:15in 1862.
14:17I was just going to say
14:18that, um,
14:19of course,
14:19it wasn't his first major work.
14:21Was it, was it?
14:22No,
14:22his first major work
14:23was Notes from the Underground,
14:25which he wrote
14:25when he got back
14:26to St Petersburg in 1859.
14:28Really?
14:28Yeah,
14:29definitely.
14:30Well, of course,
14:30my favourite,
14:31uh,
14:31is,
14:31um,
14:32The Raw Youth.
14:33It's basically
14:34where Dostoevsky,
14:34he goes on to explain
14:35how science
14:37can't really find answers
14:39for the deeper human need.
14:40Yeah.
14:40Oh,
14:42that's...
14:44Yeah.
14:47Anyway,
14:47whatever happens,
14:48there ain't going to be
14:48a flash you had.
14:49Heaven forbid.
14:50No.
14:50Yeah,
14:51just be a registry office,
14:52you know,
14:52save money.
14:53And then what we'll probably do
14:54is move in with my mum
14:55for a few months.
14:56Hmm,
14:56save on rent.
14:57Yeah.
14:58Um,
14:58let Dawn get a few kiddies
14:59under her belt,
15:00which would be nice
15:01because then my mum
15:01can look after them.
15:02And, uh,
15:03well,
15:03you'll probably go out
15:04and get a little
15:04part-time cleaning job
15:05or something.
15:06Gotta dream the dream.
15:09What's that?
15:11No,
15:11I was just laughing at
15:12what Dawn said.
15:13Oh, yeah.
15:13Because you're such a big-eye flyer.
15:15No,
15:15I was just,
15:15I was laughing at the joke.
15:17When you start getting the knife,
15:18mate,
15:19you can take the mickey out of ours.
15:20Me,
15:20I'm not having a go,
15:21I'm just,
15:22you know,
15:22she made a joke.
15:23Listen,
15:23I don't mean to have a go at you.
15:24You're fine.
15:25You're fine,
15:25all right?
15:25Fair enough.
15:26We've all had a coffee.
15:27No worries.
15:32Is it,
15:32um,
15:33questions?
15:34No,
15:34is it an intro?
15:35What I'm saying,
15:35is it,
15:35hey,
15:36Finchie!
15:42I'm not saying he's fat,
15:46but when he jumps in the air,
15:47he gets stuck,
15:48hey?
15:49I'm David,
15:50I'm David,
15:51I'm David,
15:52Jim Carrey,
15:54you know what they say,
15:55there's none so queer as folk,
15:57I'll take the pen.
15:58Oh,
15:58speak to yourself.
15:59Come on,
16:00spit it out,
16:00as your boyfriend said last night.
16:02I was just going to say that back to you.
16:03Yeah,
16:03but I don't have a boyfriend,
16:04you do.
16:04You can't get him bloody weird edgeways.
16:06You can't get what in edgeways?
16:07Matron.
16:08Come on then,
16:09fat lad.
16:09Oh,
16:10fat lad,
16:10it was,
16:11oh,
16:11God.
16:13Finchie.
16:22Now,
16:22check out the opposition.
16:24Yeah,
16:25er,
16:26Ricky,
16:27this is Chris.
16:27Hello,
16:27mate.
16:27Hi,
16:28Chris Finch.
16:28What's your name?
16:29heard about blockbusters.
16:30Oh,
16:30Tommy.
16:31Need more than that tonight.
16:32Heard about your Dostoyevsky.
16:34I'll read a book a week,
16:35so a question like that's not going to catch me at.
16:37While you're down there,
16:38love.
16:39Close to the bone,
16:40but harmless,
16:40isn't it?
16:40Christ.
16:41Give me half hour there,
16:42it'll be up to me nuts and guts.
16:44Sorry,
16:44exactly which books do you read every week?
16:47Science,
16:48Science and Nature,
16:48innit?
16:49All the,
16:49everything on the trivia board,
16:50all those different subjects,
16:52in books.
16:53Yeah.
16:54These sound like I haven't read a book between them,
16:55haven't I?
16:56Yeah.
16:56College boys.
16:57Yeah,
16:57but it's students.
16:58Waste of space.
17:00Oh,
17:00I don't do anything all day,
17:01but,
17:01oh,
17:02I need more money to do it.
17:04Political.
17:04Yeah,
17:05I had a job while I was studying,
17:07so it was all right.
17:08Yeah,
17:08right,
17:09and what was your job?
17:10Professor in charge of watching Countdown every day.
17:14Clever and funny,
17:15I bloody hate him now.
17:16That's where we get on,
17:17I think.
17:18Innit?
17:19Similar.
17:26Can I have everyone's attention, please?
17:28Welcome to the seventh annual Wernum Hog quiz night.
17:33Current champions are this team here,
17:35the dead parrots.
17:37But after life,
17:38he sleeps.
17:38If you unnail him to the perch,
17:40he will be pushing up the daisies.
17:42Monty Python.
17:45Question one.
17:46All right.
17:47Hang on,
17:47go to David.
17:48We haven't got...
17:49yeah.
17:51Tim's birthday today.
17:52Miss 30.
17:53He is young.
17:53Woo!
17:54Woo!
17:58So,
17:59what better way to celebrate than a battle of wits?
18:02let the blame...
18:04Well...
18:04Okay, question one.
18:06In the mid-1960s,
18:08US Army replaced all existing infantry guns with the M16 rifle,
18:13and which fixed-rate repeat-firing machine gun?
18:17You what?
18:18Just write down the answer, if you know it.
18:20Next.
18:22We've been quiz champions for six years now.
18:26We nearly lost it two years ago, unjustly,
18:28because Gareth was quiz master then.
18:30The question was,
18:32what type of alien is Mr Spock?
18:35And everyone put Vulcan,
18:37which is incorrect.
18:39Mr Spock is half Vulcan,
18:41half human.
18:43Okay?
18:44And Gareth went,
18:45oh, look, just everyone gets one point.
18:46I said, no, no,
18:46everyone does not get one point.
18:48Carpet munchers don't get a point.
18:49Dr Wankenstein doesn't get a point.
18:51Stephen Hawking's football boots don't get a point.
18:53I do.
18:53I had to go home to get a book to prove it.
18:56And they went,
18:57oh, yeah, yeah, you're right again.
18:58Well done.
18:59You've won.
19:00Sorry.
19:00No apologies necessary.
19:02Let's get on with the quiz.
19:03But remember, learn.
19:06Okay, question two.
19:08In the song 19 by Paul Hardcastle,
19:11he told us that the average age of a soldier
19:13in the Vietnam War was 19.
19:16Hardcastle also told us
19:17the average age of a soldier
19:18in the Second World War.
19:20What was it?
19:21Gareth,
19:21are all these going to be about war?
19:23No, I've got loads of...
19:25I've got one on tennis,
19:26one on the Suez Canal.
19:27Loads.
19:29Okay, question three.
19:31Which canal links the Mediterranean
19:33with the Red Sea?
19:36Oh, I don't want to talk about Mr Spock.
19:38That was all sorted out then.
19:40Okay, questions were asked.
19:42Certain parties were unhappy.
19:44The questions were solved.
19:45End of discussion.
19:46All right, don't rake up old graves.
19:49I don't want to go through all that again
19:50about whether he's a Vulcan
19:52or a human
19:53or vice versa.
19:55All I will say
19:56is what I said at the time.
19:57Okay?
19:58Look at his ears.
20:00Al, could you confuse
20:02Howard Jones with Nick Kershaw?
20:04Shame on you.
20:05Nick Horshaw's the little...
20:07Howard Jones was the one we do, you know.
20:08That whole round's about old entertainment.
20:11Right?
20:11That whole round's about old entertainment.
20:13It's all about, like,
20:13like, late...
20:14Old entertainment.
20:15Late 60s, early 60s.
20:16All right?
20:17Which insect produces Gossamer?
20:19Shh, come on, man.
20:20Which insect produces Gossamer?
20:22Go on, what is it?
20:22Oh, you don't want to know.
20:23Finchie.
20:24What is it?
20:24It's a spider.
20:25A spider is an arachnid,
20:27not an insect.
20:29Six legs or eight legs.
20:31Am I right?
20:32Two out.
20:33Shame on you.
20:36Okay, do another bit.
20:37Eight legs, six legs.
20:39Eight legs, six legs.
20:40We'll end up to the university of life.
20:43Go on, go learn.
20:44A spider is not an insect, officially.
20:47We'll see, we'll see, we'll see.
20:48We'll see when this is done.
20:50People go,
20:51oh, why is it important,
20:52a question about Mr Spark?
20:54I go, all right.
20:55It's like saying,
20:56oh, I've got a new pedigree dog breed.
20:58It's half Alsatian, half Labrador.
21:00I go along to Crufts.
21:01I go, oh, can I enter this dog in the Labrador section?
21:04No.
21:04Why?
21:05Because it's not a Labrador.
21:06Correct.
21:07Can I enter it in the Alsatian section?
21:08No, for the same reasons.
21:10Now get that dog out of my sight.
21:12Thanks, I will.
21:12You've proved my point.
21:15And that's Crufts.
21:18All right?
21:18Who had a hit single with Don't Speak?
21:24No doubt.
21:25Yeah.
21:25I thought it might be.
21:26I thought it might be no doubt.
21:27What, you thought it might be?
21:28Why did you say Far One I'm Blonde?
21:30I got Hootie in the blue.
21:31So let's move on.
21:33East.
21:34East.
21:34East.
21:35East side.
21:37Oi.
21:38Well, you do know.
21:40It's not even you.
21:41Okay.
21:48I said no doubt, though.
21:49It was the first thing that came in.
21:51And then you're putting this thing in my mind.
21:53It's poison with your bloody four non-blonde.
21:56Eh?
21:57Both good groups.
21:58Yeah, just don't guess.
21:59Think.
22:00It's logical.
22:01Think.
22:01There's no logic to music.
22:03It's art.
22:05Is this the first time you've lost?
22:07We're not losing.
22:08The right questions aren't coming up.
22:10Well, it's the whole point of a quiz, isn't it?
22:11It's supposed to be random.
22:13Yeah, well, randomly awful.
22:14I'll tell you what, next time I'll choose the questions, eh?
22:16Good quiz master.
22:17Go on, choose a topic.
22:18All right, sport.
22:19What's the capital of Iceland?
22:20Reykjavik.
22:21Is that still a sport?
22:22You, all right.
22:23You, capital of Borneo.
22:24Don't care.
22:25You see?
22:26It doesn't have one.
22:26They didn't get any of those, did you?
22:28Yeah, and that was a naval random.
22:30Yeah, it was random, yeah.
22:31Hello.
22:32Hello, doctor.
22:34All right.
22:36He's asking after me.
22:38No, there's no way I can get away now.
22:40I'm snowed under at work.
22:42Can't you give me something to open your sleep?
22:43Like, yeah, okay.
22:45Yeah.
22:47Okay.
22:47Thanks for, oh, you don't know who's saying in the summertime, do you?
22:53Mongo, Joey.
22:54Okay.
22:55Yeah, yeah.
22:56Cheers.
22:56Thanks, Doctor.
23:07Do you want to hear the results or not?
23:10Do you want to move, Kate?
23:11In position number four, universally challenged.
23:20Third place goes to Malcolm and Dennis, which means that, well, it's a dead heap between the
23:35dead parrots and the tits.
23:37So, tiebreaker situation.
23:39Could you send one member of each of your teams up for a tiebreaker?
23:44All right.
23:45Come and stand here.
23:47Tiebreaker question.
23:48Are you ready?
23:48First person to shout out, the correct answer wins.
23:51All right.
23:52So, if you're ready.
23:53Which Shakespeare play features a character called Caliban?
23:57Macbeth.
23:57Yes.
23:58No.
23:58Ricky?
23:59Midsummer Night's Dream.
24:01Hamlet's...
24:01No.
24:01How'd you go?
24:02No.
24:02You said the first person to shout out, the answer wins.
24:04You didn't say you only had one shout at it.
24:06The Tempest.
24:06Tempest.
24:07He's got it.
24:08There we go.
24:10Ladies and gentlemen, the winner.
24:11That's good.
24:12I give you...
24:14You didn't say you only had one go at it.
24:16You said the first person to shout out, the answer wins.
24:18Yeah?
24:19The first person.
24:20That's my point.
24:21Okay?
24:44Here he is, Chris Fincher.
24:45Is it Hamlet?
24:46Is it Mabeth?
24:46Or is it Leon?
24:47Well, maybe I'll write the questions next time and you can have this bastard.
24:51Banter.
24:51No, it's not Banter.
24:52It's not Banter, not now.
24:53All right.
24:54Okay.
24:54So, when we have the question, name the Cuban leader who's been in power since the revolution
24:58of 1959.
24:59D'Al Castro.
24:59Yeah.
24:59You know it now, yeah?
25:00But what did you say then?
25:01Well, it's a quiz situation.
25:02No, no, tell them.
25:03It's a quiz situation.
25:04So, what did you say then?
25:05What did you say then?
25:10Who's the Cuban leader?
25:13Fred Bentos.
25:15No wonder this place is going down the pan.
25:17You're a waste of bloody stuff.
25:18Why?
25:18Don't get at him just because they beat you.
25:21They beat me.
25:22Yes.
25:22I could give you a list of 50 things I could beat them at.
25:24Both of us.
25:25Like, throwing.
25:26No.
25:27Throwing?
25:27No.
25:28Yeah.
25:28Right.
25:29So, landlord of the land pub in Chichester, yeah?
25:31Yeah.
25:31Challenges me to throw one of these little, you know, copper kettles over his pub.
25:35Right?
25:35So, I'll go outside, take off my tie, tie it to the handle.
25:39Whoosh.
25:39Whoosh.
25:39Do you go over it?
25:42Whoosh.
25:42Whoosh.
25:43Whoosh.
25:43Whoosh.
25:43Obviously, yeah.
25:43That's actually an official territorial army method if you're in the jungle.
25:47Say we wouldn't use a tie, obviously, you'd use vines from the trees.
25:50Would you use a kettle?
25:50No, it would be the equivalent.
25:52Right.
25:52Coconut.
25:53I will throw anything that you choose over this building.
25:56If I do it, we win the quiz.
25:58New challenge.
25:58How does that work?
25:59Double or quiz.
25:59It's a challenge.
26:00Yeah.
26:00So, you choose anything.
26:02If you can throw it over, we've won the champagne.
26:03And that's it.
26:04And that's the real quiz.
26:05That was the real quiz.
26:05So, choose one thing.
26:06You really are a couple of sad little men, aren't you?
26:09No sad little men.
26:10He's thrown a kettle over a pub.
26:11What have you done?
26:12Do you want a challenge or not?
26:14So, if I do it, we win the quiz, we win the prize.
26:16Yeah, exactly.
26:16That's the real quiz.
26:18That's the real prize.
26:18Choose something.
26:19Choose something.
26:20Okay.
26:22Go back to the chair.
26:24Gareth.
26:24Throw Gareth.
26:25No, I know.
26:26It's a birthday boy.
26:27Hey?
26:27No.
26:28Great shoes.
26:29Throwing shoes in.
26:30Great shoes in.
26:31All right, please.
26:32Wait a minute.
26:32It's a challenge.
26:33It's just a challenge.
26:35Tickle him.
26:36Tickle him.
26:37Tickle him.
26:38Can I have it back?
26:39Oi!
26:42Here we go.
26:43Using the Thai method.
26:44Oh, no.
26:44The shoe lessons.
26:46I'm a bastard.
26:47I knew he would.
26:47I knew he would.
26:49Typical. That'll work.
26:50So, fifth.
26:51Thank you very much, sir.
26:53It's a challenge. You'll get it back.
26:55You'll get it back to Mr. Challenge.
26:58How are we going to know if it goes over?
27:00What? How are we going to know if it goes over?
27:01Go and check if it goes over.
27:03Suss. Go on. Right, here we go.
27:05OK. Are we ready now?
27:07One, two, and a three, and a four.
27:11Oh, yes. Looking good.
27:16Come on, now.
27:17Did it go over?
27:19Yeah, it came right past me.
27:21Good job, you wonder horse.
27:24Screw blockbusters, screw bubbleness, and screw your goal run.
27:28No, you're right. I'm a loser.
27:30Your shit, ass.
27:32Yes, I am the boss. Like Springsteen, born to run the slow run.
27:35Your university education didn't help you there, did it?
27:37Now, let that be a lesson to you.
27:40Respect your elders and do not fuck with the big boys.
27:43Life. Life.
27:44Take his head over.
27:45No, don't check his head over, because there's a radio as well.
27:47Now, now, now.
27:49That's it.
27:50What an office.
27:52What an office.
28:00Do you want any...
28:02Go on, let's go.
28:02Go on, let's go.
28:03See you, Tim.
28:04See you, Tim.
28:06See you, mate.
28:15What becomes of you, my love?
28:22When may I finally stripped you off?
28:25The handbags and the gladracks that your friend daddy had to sweat so you could buy.
28:57The handbags and the gladracks that your friend daddy had to sweat so you could buy.
29:03Go on, let's go.
29:04Go on, let's go.
29:04Go on, let's go.
29:14Go on, let's go.
29:17Go on, let's go.
29:18Go on, let's go.
29:19Go on, let's go.
29:20Go on, let's go.
29:20Go on, let's go.
29:20Go on, let's go.
29:20Go on, let's go.
29:20Go on, let's go.
29:20Go on, let's go.
29:24Go on, let's go.
29:25You