00:00Hi, is this a school?
00:01It is, yes.
00:02Hi, good morning.
00:05I just let you know that I'm not coming in today.
00:09Oh, okay. What class are you in?
00:12Yeah, I'm not well at all.
00:15Oh, sweetheart, you don't sound very well.
00:21I farted before and some of it just fell out of my pants
00:24and I'm like, oh, my God, this isn't good.
00:27Chardonnay is going to go mad at me.
00:30Who's Chardonnay?
00:31It's my missus, isn't it?
00:35Oh, okay. No, she's not going to like that.
00:38No, she will like that.
00:39My mum tells my Uncle Barry that she's not my real uncle, of course.
00:44Right.
00:44He always asks my mum if they want to go upstairs and wrestle,
00:48but she says, no, not today, I've got an headache.
00:50But she sounds dead ill because she goes,
00:52no, not today, I've got an headache.
00:54That's what she sounds like.
00:56Oh.
00:57So can you just make sure that it's logged
01:00that I'm not coming in today?
01:02Oh, of course, sweetheart. What class are you in?
01:05I'm with all my friends.
01:08Just write down, Tim can't come in
01:11because he's very under the weather with man flu,
01:14struggling to breathe sometimes
01:15and he keeps messing himself.
01:18So if you can just put that...
01:21You want me to write all of that down?
01:24Do your job.
01:25Excuse me?
01:27Do your job.
01:28What does it say?
01:31It says that you can't come in today for various symptoms.
01:34Yeah, that'll do.
01:36Okay.
01:37That's less graphic than what I said.
01:39Yeah, I don't think we need to go into the, you know...
01:42You don't need too much detail, do you?
01:44No.
01:45No, we don't.
01:47Alright.
01:49I'm just too ill to deal with all the difficult questions.
01:53Oh, I know.
01:54It's hard, isn't it, when you don't feel well
01:56and you've got to go to school.
01:57Yeah, it's so bad.
01:59I've got my hot water bottle.
02:01I've got my quill.
02:04I'm just looking after myself because my mum didn't do it.
02:09Oh.
02:10Oh.
02:11Are you okay?
02:12Yeah, I'm good.
02:13When I say she didn't do it, she's in bed the lazy pig.
02:16Oh.
02:17I don't want to wake her up because I think she's a bit poorly as well.
02:21Oh, so you're both poorly today.
02:23That's not nice.
02:24Yeah, maybe.
02:26There's a bug going about.
02:29There is, you know.
02:30I'm not well at all.
02:32Have you got the bug yet?
02:35I don't know, but do you know what?
02:36I do feel a little bit poorly today.
02:39Yeah.
02:40So I think there's something going around because the weather's getting colder, innit?
02:43Yeah, definitely.
02:45There's something going around and I feel dead poorly.
02:48I'm going to have to go because I need to go and get a cup of tea or something.
02:51I need some medicine for my throat.
02:54You need to make sure you're getting your vitamin C.
02:57Pardon?
02:58You need to make sure you're getting your vitamin C.
03:03What's that?
03:04Well, you need oranges, kiwis, lots of water.
03:10Kiwi?
03:11Yeah.
03:12What, do you think my mum's a maid of money?
03:13We can't have things like kiwi.
03:16Do you drink plenty of water then?
03:18Oh, God, yeah.
03:20I got some water left from the bath last night so we can use that, can't I?
03:24No.
03:29No, I go to the tap and get water out of there, not the bath.
03:34Right, okay.
03:35So, have you logged it down that I'm not coming in?
03:37Yeah, I've told you, sweetheart.
03:39I've logged it down.
03:40It's all there.
03:41But you're not coming in today.
03:42Right, thank you.
03:42There's no point really because I don't go that school.
03:47What?
03:49I don't go that school.
03:51In fact, I'm not even ill.
03:53But I'm going to go.
03:54All right.
03:55See you in a bit.
03:56Bye.
03:57Bye.
04:00Bye.
