- 1 day ago
Desperate Housewives S04E04
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Short filmTranscript
00:12Previously on Desperate Housewives, when her first husband died, Brie thought she was rid of her mother-in-law.
00:18Danielle got pregnant, and Brie got creative.
00:22Soon this whole charade will completely unravel, and we will be humiliated.
00:26Carlos and Gabby's affair turned dangerous.
00:28She pulled something like that on me?
00:30That guy wouldn't be around for long.
00:31And an old neighbor returned.
00:33I didn't want poor Aunt Lily to spend her final days in a nursing home.
00:36That is so kind of you.
00:44Mrs. Lillian Sims returned to Wisteria Lane on a Saturday.
00:49As she emerged from the ambulance, it occurred to her the neighborhood looked exactly as she had left it.
00:58She then decided she should have painted her house blue.
01:04Moments later, she wondered if she would see her husband in heaven.
01:10These are just some of the thoughts that go through an old woman's mind when she comes home to die.
01:22Now, if you need anything, you just ring this little bell, and I'll come running.
01:26I'm sorry to be so much trouble.
01:29Well, the good news is I won't be a burden much longer.
01:34Oh, don't say that.
01:36Doctors say there's a good chance that you'll be with us for a very long time.
01:41I know what's happening to me, Catherine.
01:44You don't need to lie.
01:49Aunt Lily, what does it feel like?
01:53Dying, I mean.
01:56It's not that bad.
01:59I feel lucky.
02:01When you know time's running out, you get a chance to reflect on your life.
02:10I really did try to live a good one.
02:12You did more than try.
02:15God is going to welcome you with open arms.
02:17I'm not so sure.
02:19Oh, why would you say that?
02:22I keep thinking about Dylan.
02:25What we did.
02:27What we covered up.
02:31We did what we had to.
02:33We should have told someone.
02:35We couldn't.
02:36You know that.
02:37It was a mistake.
02:39And it's not too late to rectify it.
02:42Your life may be over.
02:44But that does not give you the right to go around destroying the lives of others.
02:48I can't go to my grave with this on my conscience.
02:51Please.
02:52We have to tell that girl what happened in this room.
02:56Absolutely not.
03:04As her guilt over the past began to mount, it occurred to Lillian death couldn't come quickly enough.
03:13This thought occurred to her niece as well.
03:29There were a lot of things Bob Hunter disliked about living in the city.
03:34And the thing he hated most were the pests.
03:39The rats that lurked in the alleys.
03:43The flies that swarmed the garbage.
03:47The bugs that invaded his co-op.
03:52Finally, Bob informed his significant other it was time to leave the city.
04:01So, they moved to suburbia, which they quickly discovered had a few pests.
04:07Hey, neighbor!
04:08Of its own.
04:10We haven't got a chance to meet.
04:11I'm Susan.
04:12I live next door.
04:13Oh, God.
04:14Hi.
04:14Hi.
04:15I'm Lee.
04:16I just wanted to say hi.
04:17You know, I saw the movers taking in some of your furniture, and I just have to say,
04:21you and your wife have gorgeous taste.
04:22What?
04:23You smell?
04:24Like you wouldn't believe.
04:26I'm Susan.
04:27I live next door.
04:27Oh, hi.
04:28I'm Lee's partner, Bob.
04:29Oh, you're partners.
04:31What kind of business?
04:33You know, whatever it is, just don't let the neighborhood association hear that you work
04:36out of your house.
04:36They're so not cool.
04:38Actually, we're life partners.
04:40Oh.
04:41Oh!
04:43Oh, that's super!
04:46I've seen a lot of cable, so I get it.
04:49You're just great.
04:53I hope we can live up to your stereotype.
04:57Don't mind him.
04:58He's just a little cranky from all the fresh air.
05:01Do not apologize for me.
05:02Lee, you're the one who said moving here would be better for Raphael.
05:05Oh.
05:05So there's three of you.
05:09Well, that must be cozy.
05:14Yes.
05:15We're gay Mormons.
05:17Susan, uh, that's Raphael.
05:23Oh.
05:25Raphael's your dog, of course.
05:27You know, because you folks can't have kids.
05:30I mean, uh, I mean, of course you can have kids, um, you know, because times have changed
05:36and now you're allowed.
05:38Um.
05:41What a nice dog.
05:46I should go.
05:48Nice to meet you.
05:50Hey, stop by any time, Susan.
05:52Ow!
05:52What are you doing?
05:53What are you doing?
05:54What?
05:55What?
05:56What?
05:58What?
05:58What?
06:02Yes?
06:03Can I have a delivery for Danielle Vandykamp?
06:07I'll get you to sign here, please.
06:12Oh.
06:13Is that for us?
06:15No, it's for Danielle.
06:17That's odd.
06:18Who would send her a scooter?
06:19I knew it.
06:20Phyllis, Rex's mother.
06:22Ever since he died, she's been trying to buy the children's affection.
06:25Wow.
06:25Oh, well, it's, uh, let me have a bike.
06:27I'm sure Danielle will appreciate the thought.
06:30Well, I'm not giving it to her.
06:31Can you think of a worst present for a pregnant girl?
06:34Well, I'm not knocked up.
06:36Let me have it.
06:36You know how I feel about two-wheeled motorized vehicles?
06:39They're too dangerous.
06:41We'll donate it to the church.
06:44What?
06:45Reverend Sykes said they're looking for items for the raffle.
06:47So we're just going to give it away?
06:48Well, it's better than you breaking your neck on it.
06:51Mom, you know how much I want a scooter.
06:53Come on.
06:53You heard your mother.
06:55We're donating it to the church.
06:56Of course, we need to make sure it's in good working order before we do that.
07:00Not without a helmet.
07:09Explose.
07:10Are we going to let her do this to us?
07:12Absolutely not.
07:13If we win that raffle, we're keeping it.
07:21Hey, it is nice to hear you humming again.
07:25Well, it's amazing what a week without chemo can do.
07:28Yeah.
07:29When does the last round start?
07:30Next month, so I have some time before I start feeling like total crap again.
07:34And I was hoping we could put that time to good use.
07:38You sure?
07:40The doctor said it could be months before you get your mojo back.
07:44Well, it's back.
07:46And since when do you question the mojo?
07:49You're right.
07:50You're right.
07:51Forgive me.
07:51Okay, so here are your options.
07:55A, we could go romantic, play soft music, light some candles, or B, go straight to the...
08:02Whoa!
08:06God, it's been so long.
08:07I hope I remember how to do this.
08:09Well, it's just like riding a bike.
08:10You never forget.
08:11Now start pedaling.
08:25Hey, what are you doing?
08:27Oh, sorry.
08:27I just messed up your hair.
08:28I'm just trying to fix it.
08:29Ow!
08:30Sorry.
08:31Almost got it.
08:31Hey!
08:33Hey.
08:35Oh.
08:36Screw it.
08:38What are you doing?
08:39Oh, I ripped it this morning.
08:41And it's been itching the hell out of me.
08:43And this is much better.
08:45Are you sure you want to take that off, honey?
08:46I mean, won't you be cold?
08:48No, I'm good.
09:02Hey, babe, what's going on?
09:03You still with me?
09:05Yeah.
09:05It's just, it's kind of...
09:08What?
09:10Late.
09:15It's 9.30.
09:17It's just that one of our ovens broke down today and the repairman's coming first thing
09:20in the morning, and maybe I could ravish you tomorrow.
09:28I'm okay.
09:35Come on, Bree, you have to let us do this.
09:38It's a lovely thought, but I really don't want a baby shower.
09:42Well, I bought you an expensive gift, and I'm not giving it to you unless there's a party
09:45with people who can see how generous I am.
09:47Bree, watch this!
09:51Arsene, I said be careful!
09:56I just think it's tacky to have a baby shower when it's not your first baby.
10:00Well, I don't see the problem with it.
10:02Hint, hint.
10:03Yeah, and showers aren't just about presents.
10:05They're fun.
10:05Yeah, we can play games, like How Big Is Mommy's Tummy?
10:09Excuse me?
10:10Yeah, we get a ball of yarn, and we each cut a piece that we think is just big enough
10:14to fit around your stomach, and the one closest wins a prize.
10:19I really don't want a shower.
10:21Look, look at me!
10:24Arsene, just five more minutes.
10:26That's all you're getting.
10:28I tell you what, why don't we just skip the shower, and after the baby's born, I'll have
10:32a christening party.
10:33What do you say?
10:38I'm okay.
10:40I'm fine.
10:42Oh, dear God.
10:47Excuse me, ladies.
10:49I couldn't help overhearing you talking about my mom's shower.
10:53I think I could be of a little assistance here.
11:04Why do you have to take our new neighbor's cookie bars?
11:07Oh, look, I made a terrible first impression, so I thought I'd make them some of my home-baked
11:11goodness.
11:11But you didn't bake any goodness.
11:13You just warmed up the goodness I bought at the store.
11:16Well, yeah, I don't bake ketchup.
11:18You know, not all neighbors have to be friends.
11:21Why don't you just let it go?
11:23Mike, they live 15 feet from us.
11:25If we have a fire, I want to be sure that they like us enough to call 911.
11:28Ah, that's the real reason.
11:30You can't stand it when somebody doesn't like you.
11:33Well, maybe.
11:34Well, maybe Bob and Lee just like to keep to themselves.
11:37That's fine.
11:38And once they like me, they can keep to themselves all they damn well please.
11:50Hi.
11:50I wanted to bring you a welcome to the neighborhood present.
11:53You should try one while they're still warm from the oven.
11:55That was really nice.
11:57Oh, are there nuts in them?
11:59Nuts?
11:59Yeah.
12:01Gee, let me think.
12:03Nope.
12:04No nuts.
12:04Are you sure?
12:05Because I'm highly allergic.
12:06Happy pecan could kill me.
12:15I'm not seeing any nuts.
12:16Okay.
12:16You made them.
12:17So did you or did you not put nuts in them?
12:23Okay, here's the thing.
12:24I'm a really crappy baker.
12:26To give you something that I made myself would be like an insult.
12:29So...
12:29So you bought them.
12:30And then you heated them up in an attempt to make your gesture seem more thoughtful than
12:34in fact it was.
12:35Hey, I would have made them myself if I knew how.
12:37Honestly, I'm a good neighbor.
12:39Well, neighbor.
12:40Why don't you take your store-bought warmed up possibly poisonous cookie bars and give them
12:44to someone more likely to survive your generosity.
12:49Do you like wine?
12:50No.
12:51No.
12:51Also, please don't bring me a bottle from your vineyard.
12:59This rip is pretty big.
13:01It'll take about a week.
13:02A week?
13:04All right.
13:06Can you hurry if you can?
13:09Honey, it's okay.
13:10You look cute in a scarf.
13:11I'm upset because that sales girl just walked away with my sex life.
13:15What?
13:16After two months of puking my guts out last night, I was finally in the mood.
13:19But Tom, not so much.
13:20Apparently, my bald head is a big turn-off for him.
13:23Why'd you take your wig off?
13:25It was itchy.
13:26Okay.
13:27Not smart.
13:28Gabby, I am his wife.
13:30He's supposed to love me.
13:32Not my body.
13:33Me.
13:33My soul.
13:34Why can't he make love to my soul?
13:36Interesting.
13:38Question.
13:39When was the last time you were in a bar and heard a guy turn to his friend and say,
13:43Hey, check out the soul on that girl?
13:45What are you saying?
13:46I'm saying men are visual.
13:48Hell, I have a whole closet full of costumes.
13:51You need to give Tom something to look at.
13:55Something spicy-like.
13:58Gabby, I'm not a redhead.
13:59But you could be.
14:00Which brings me to my second point.
14:02Men like variety.
14:04Tonight, you're a redhead.
14:06Tomorrow, you are Helga, the sexy milkmaid.
14:11Or Amber, the lonely runaway.
14:17Or Jeff, the friendly guy from work.
14:20What?
14:21I don't know what Tom is into.
14:25Hmm.
14:26Claude, you know I don't like it when you, hmm.
14:31Edie, how long have you had this?
14:34Had what?
14:35I don't have anything.
14:37Just here for my 5,000-mile checkup.
14:40Well, you know that bullet you've managed to dodge all these years.
14:45Which one?
14:47The clap?
14:48The hurt?
14:49The sif?
14:50Crabs?
14:52Relax.
14:52I'll boil all the sheets and towels.
14:55And then we'll use this special shampoo.
14:58And in three days, the crotch carnival packs up and leaves town.
15:02Oh, man.
15:03How did this happen?
15:04Don't give me that look.
15:05I know exactly how I got him.
15:08I used the tanning bed right after Mimsy Porter, that skank.
15:12Ew, it smells like burnt licorice.
15:15Well, come in the bathroom and I'll show you how to use this.
15:19I think I can figure that out.
15:21You know, the good news is we're in a committed relationship.
15:23Otherwise, we'd have to make that call of shame to everyone we've been with.
15:31You've heard me make it before, but something I feel very, very strongly about.
15:34For me, it's a very simple formula.
15:37More development leads to an increased tax base, which helps build schools for our children.
15:43Around the country, the needs of children are being put further and further down.
15:45What are you doing here?
15:46I need to talk to you.
15:47Can't you just call me?
15:49This is not something that you want to hear on the phone.
15:58Ew, how did you get those?
16:01How do you think, Edie?
16:05We're still sleeping with Edie.
16:08You're still sleeping with Victor, aren't you?
16:10If I didn't, you would think something is going on.
16:12What is your excuse for doing it with Edie?
16:13Yes, she wants to, and I'm a guy.
16:16I'm serious, okay?
16:19When Victor wakes up with a zoo in his pants, there's going to be health pay.
16:23You don't have to tell me.
16:24If he finds out about us, I'm the one that's going to wind up in a landfill.
16:27Okay, just don't panic, okay?
16:28We're going to get the salve or the ointment or whatever it is you put down there,
16:32and we're going to be fine.
16:40Well, you're screwed.
16:41Yeah.
16:45Tom, the kids are asleep.
16:48Are you coming to bed anytime soon?
16:50Yeah, I just got to pick a new running back for my fantasy football team.
16:57That's too bad.
16:59I had a little fantasy thing planned of my own.
17:05Lynette.
17:07Lynette's not here right now.
17:08I'm Brandy, the slutty cheerleader.
17:23This is all very romantic, Gabby, but I still have four building proposals to read before tomorrow.
17:29That's Nurse Gabby to you.
17:34Nurse Gabby?
17:38Am I sick?
17:39Well, the doctor says you need to relax, and I know just how to relax you.
17:55Smells like licorice.
17:57It's a blend of 36 essential oils, anise root, and fennel.
18:01Do you like it?
18:03Smells a little medicine-y.
18:05That's the fennel.
18:18It's stinging a little.
18:21That's the tension leaving your body.
18:26It's really stinging.
18:28Then we can rinse it off in three to five minutes.
18:32But before we do that...
18:36What the hell is that?
18:38You know, for a guy getting rubbed on by a hot nurse, you ask a lot of questions.
18:42Sorry.
18:50Oh, come on, Uncle Frank.
18:51What's the point of having a gay uncle if you're not going to help me make friends with these guys?
18:56Oh.
18:58Mom said that the whole family knew.
19:03Um, okay, gotta go.
19:04Love you.
19:06What's going on?
19:07Oh, I found Raphael wandering in the street.
19:09I went to take him back, but Bob and Lee aren't home, so I'm just going to give him a
19:11little treat and put him back in their yard.
19:13Oh, Bob, Bob, Bob.
19:14Wait a second.
19:15What?
19:15Leave him with me.
19:16I need to score some points with those guys, and being a dog-rescuing hero could be just the ticket.
19:20So what?
19:20You're just going to keep him here until they come back?
19:22Uh-huh.
19:23Maybe a little longer.
19:25How long?
19:27Well, long enough for them to worry.
19:28You know, the more they worry, the more I'm a hero.
19:31Get it?
19:31I get that you're insane.
19:33I'm not.
19:33I'm not.
19:34Now get me some mud.
19:34I want to dirty him up so he looks like he's been through hell.
19:39Hey, in we go.
19:44Here, let me help you with it.
19:46Oh, that's all right.
19:46I've got them, Mr. Knievel.
19:49Oh, boy.
19:50You're never going to let me live this down, are you?
19:52Nope.
19:53I don't know, Dr. Knievel.
19:54It seems to me that you should go to the doctor again.
19:56Sarah!
20:01Guys, what did I tell you?
20:03You said no shower, but look around.
20:05Men.
20:06So technically, it's a party, not a shower.
20:09Andrew told us that you only said no because you didn't want to impose.
20:14Oh.
20:15So you're responsible.
20:17Yeah, well, I know you said not to make a big fuss, but hey, you learned it.
20:21Well, don't just stand there.
20:24Come in.
20:24We have lots of food and fun and surprises.
20:29All kinds of surprises.
20:31Where is she?
20:34Bree!
20:36Phyllis!
20:37I, uh, I help with the invitations, too.
20:40I can't tell you how touched I was to be included, especially after my many conciliatory gestures
20:48were so coldly rebuffed.
20:50I have been awful.
20:51I wouldn't blame you if you stormed out right now.
20:55Nonsense.
20:56I'm here to celebrate our renewed friendship and your baby.
21:01Or should I say babies?
21:04You know, it's often a sign of twins when a mother's face gets all plump like yours.
21:10Oh.
21:11I, uh, bet you wouldn't mind if I broke my neck on that scooter now.
21:23I'm off to the bank.
21:24Aunt Lily just took a pill, so she's down for the afternoon.
21:27Okay.
21:27Have fun.
21:42Is your mother gone?
21:43Yeah, do you need her?
21:45No, no.
21:48This is what I wanted.
21:51I thought you took a sleeping pill.
21:53I pretended to, so she gave us a loan.
21:57Aunt Lily, what's going on?
22:00I have to tell you something.
22:04First, you should know that what happened...
22:08it was nobody's fault.
22:11What do you mean, what happened?
22:13And you don't remember living on this street before, do you?
22:19Well, there's a reason for that.
22:23Dylan?
22:29Mom, I thought you left.
22:31I forgot my checkbook.
22:33Could you go down and find it for me?
22:35Sure.
22:49You really should get your rest.
23:00Hey.
23:01Hey.
23:02Hey.
23:02Got your wig back, huh?
23:03Yeah, it was new.
23:04Listen, I thought we could put the kids to bed early tonight, if you know what I mean.
23:09I do, and I'm up for that.
23:13Fantastic.
23:15I hope Brandy won't get stuck late at cheerleading practice.
23:19Oh, about Brandy.
23:21Bad news.
23:22What, what, what happened?
23:24Well, Penny wanted to play beauty school with the wig, and, well, let's just say she's got no future as
23:29a stylist.
23:31Bad haircut, huh?
23:33Sounds like Brandy might get awful mad about that.
23:37Brandy's history, Tom.
23:38Let her go.
23:48Come home, boy.
23:51Raphael?
23:53Lee?
23:55Is something wrong?
23:56Raphael got out.
23:57I don't know what happened.
23:57I think he jumped the fence.
23:59Oh, well, would you like me to help you look for him?
24:02Seriously?
24:03What, what about your party?
24:04Oh, it's just a baby shower that I'm throwing for my best friend.
24:10I can't, I can't ask you to leave that.
24:11Oh, please.
24:12What are neighbors for?
24:15Raphael!
24:16Here, puppy!
24:20I see you've taken down all the pictures of Rex.
24:24Well, I'm sorry if that offends you, Phyllis, but I didn't want Orson to feel uncomfortable in his new home.
24:30I see.
24:31You're trying to be considerate of your husband's feelings.
24:35Well, I'm glad that you're at least trying to get it right second time around.
24:40Still, it must be awfully hard on Danielle and Andrew to have their father's face banished from their own home.
24:48He wasn't banished.
24:51By the way, where, where's Danielle?
24:57She's, uh, in boarding school.
25:00In Switzerland.
25:02Switzerland?
25:03Is it asking too much to be told what continent my granddaughter is on?
25:07You are keeping my grandchildren from me, and I don't know why.
25:10I'm going to mingle.
25:12Every time I start a chat, you walk away.
25:15I mean, if you don't want to talk to me, why did you invite me?
25:19It's a surprise party, you daft woman.
25:22What makes you think I had a hand in the guest list?
25:24So, you don't want me here?
25:28Oh, for God's sakes, Phyllis, it's not as if we got along when Rex was alive.
25:31What did I ever do to you?
25:33But try to treat you like a daughter.
25:35I even gave you my mother's sable coat.
25:39You hated your mother.
25:40But I love that coat.
25:41Then I'll give it back to you.
25:42No, you keep it as a reminder of how hard I tried to make you like me.
25:53Tom, are you leaving already?
25:55I'm sorry, dear, but your mother has made it impossible for me to stay.
26:04Where does she keep my sable coat?
26:06Probably in her bedroom closet.
26:09Okay.
26:16Where is she going?
26:18She asked me where your fur coat was.
26:21And you told her?
26:26Oh, crap.
26:37I guess you won't be needing the breast pump I bought you.
26:48So, Danielle is having a baby.
26:51Yes, and for the sake of her reputation, we've agreed to pretend that it's mine.
26:56I just hope that those Swiss doctors know what they're doing.
27:00She's not in Switzerland.
27:02She's at the Sisters of Hope convent.
27:05Look, Phyllis, I'm sorry.
27:07I know this is upsetting.
27:08Actually, I'm thrilled.
27:11I'm going to be a great-grandma.
27:15Well, um, technically, yes.
27:21What do you mean, technically?
27:23We're saying that the baby is mine and Orson's, and if you hover around like a grandmother, people will be
27:30suspicious.
27:31Yes, you're not keeping this baby from me.
27:34Not if you don't want me to tell those people down the stairs whose child it really is.
27:39You wouldn't.
27:40Think of Danielle.
27:43I wish you had.
27:44If you'd raised her properly, she wouldn't be pregnant without a husband.
27:49You think I don't know I'm a failure as a parent?
27:51That's why this child means so much to me.
27:53It's my second chance.
27:56Well, I hope the second time around that you take my advice.
27:59I always said that you were too strict with those kids.
28:04Parenting tips from you.
28:05That's rich.
28:07I was a wonderful mother to Rex.
28:10Then why did he always avoid you?
28:11Why were you barely ever here?
28:13Because of you.
28:15He knew you hated me.
28:17Oh, he was happy to let you think that.
28:19But he was the one who dreaded your visits.
28:26Phyllis, wait!
28:30Excuse me, everyone, but I have something to say.
28:37What is it, Grandma?
28:40I...
28:52I have to go.
28:54And I just wanted to say how nice it was to see you all again after so much time.
29:03Goodbye.
29:13Thank you for the gift.
29:16You know, Bree, you're not the only one who would like a second chance.
29:29Nothing, huh?
29:29No, no, he's lost.
29:31He doesn't know this neighborhood.
29:32There's no way he's going to find his way home.
29:34Oh, he will.
29:34Come on, you've got to keep believing.
29:36Oh, crap!
29:38Bob's home.
29:38What am I going to tell him?
29:39Don't!
29:40We'll just keep looking.
29:41I have a feeling we're going to find that cute little guy.
29:44You are so nice to do this.
29:47I mean, especially after the way I acted when we first...
29:49You know what?
29:49Don't worry about it.
29:50I'm going to go inside and get us some water, and then we're going to just keep looking.
29:53Okay.
30:03Wait!
30:04I can't find Raphael.
30:05You seen him anywhere?
30:07Oh, Bob, I promise you won't hate me.
30:09What are you talking about?
30:10What happened?
30:11Raphael got out.
30:12He got out?
30:13Yeah.
30:13He doesn't know the neighborhood.
30:14I know he doesn't know the neighborhood.
30:15He's talking about him.
30:28I know he doesn't know the neighborhood.
30:45What is our dog doing in your garage?
30:47I have no idea.
30:55What?
31:04Did you get a chance to napalm the jungle yet?
31:07Yep.
31:09And?
31:11All quiet on the southern front.
31:15Gabby, we've got to be more careful.
31:17Absolutely.
31:19It's kind of exciting, though.
31:22What is?
31:23Playing with fire, almost getting burned, but not quite.
31:26Don't be thinking like that.
31:27If Victor catches us, he'll kill us both.
31:30That's what's so exciting.
31:34Hi.
31:36Hi.
31:36Oh, excuse me.
31:40Oh, that's, um, an interesting colon you're wearing.
31:46My wife gave it to me.
31:47It's got, uh, anise root, fennel.
31:51You like it?
31:54Yeah, it's just, um, I don't know, weirdly familiar.
32:09Crab cake?
32:10Uh, yeah.
32:12Thanks.
32:16Crab cake?
32:24Crab cake?
32:31Crab cake?
32:32Crab cake?
32:55Kids are asleep.
32:59I'm not.
33:01Uh-huh.
33:03What you got back there?
33:05Just a little present.
33:06Yeah.
33:08Say hello to Brandy's even sluttier sister.
33:11Candy.
33:14What are you doing?
33:16I just thought since we had so much fun last night, maybe we can have a little more fun.
33:21And that's only possible when you're pretending I'm someone else?
33:27Well, you have to pretend, too.
33:31What?
33:33This is me, Tom.
33:37Not brandy or candy.
33:39It's just your wife.
33:40Lynette, am I not enough for you?
33:42What are you getting so mad for?
33:44I mean, the first wig was your idea.
33:46Yeah, because I'm bald.
33:48And I know that that's a big old turn-off, but, you know, I can't help it.
33:52I have cancer.
33:53Yes, I know. I hear about it all the time.
33:56Can you blame me for wanting to escape every once in a while?
34:00Escape from me, you mean?
34:01Yes!
34:03You know why last night was so much fun?
34:05Because I got to make love to someone who wasn't sick.
34:09I know, I know. I'm not supposed to say this stuff.
34:11I have to be the heroic husband who listens and holds you when you cry and never cries himself.
34:15But this affects me, too.
34:20Well, I know that.
34:22You do?
34:22Yeah.
34:23How?
34:24Since this whole thing began, have you ever once asked me how I'm doing?
34:36Oh, my God.
34:39I haven't.
34:40Have I?
34:47I am one of those whiny, self-involved, sick people.
34:57I didn't say that.
34:58No, I am.
34:59It's been months, and I have barely thought about what you're going through.
35:04It's okay.
35:04Will you stop being so heroic?
35:06I'm a cancer bitch.
35:15What?
35:18I'm not going to argue with you.
35:22You suck.
35:31Well, I guess I could give Candy a whirl.
35:35Are the kids really asleep?
35:38Because I think she might be a screamer.
35:45Actually, we're going to pretend.
35:48How about tonight?
35:50I am not a hero.
35:53And you are not a cancer patient.
35:56You'll just be Tom and Lynette.
36:00See what happens.
36:03Oh, I'd like that.
36:14How's Bob's suit?
36:18Ruined.
36:18What if we take it to my cleaners?
36:20Susan, that paint's not coming out, so we're buying him a new suit.
36:24For $2,000.
36:26$2,000?
36:28Well, according to Lee, it's a dolce.
36:29I don't know what that means, but he said it six times.
36:32That's crazy!
36:34No, what's crazy is I'm about to buy the most expensive suit of my life,
36:37and I'll never wear it.
36:39I just wanted them to like me.
36:41Well, they don't.
36:43Lee said that six times, too.
36:45There must be some way I can apologize to them.
36:48We can't afford any more of your apologies.
36:50I know.
36:50Maybe if I...
36:51Damn it, Susan.
36:52Let it go, okay?
36:53I asked you to before, and you didn't.
36:55And look what happened.
36:55So I'll ask you again.
36:57Just let it go.
36:59Mike, wait.
36:59We should talk about this.
37:00I'm going to bed.
37:02I've got to work tomorrow.
37:03I'm buying a suit.
37:20Grandma!
37:22What are you doing here?
37:24You needn't be embarrassed, dear.
37:27Your mother's told me everything.
37:30It's great to see you.
37:32I hate this place.
37:33It's like baby jail.
37:35Oh.
37:36Well, that's what I've come to talk to you about.
37:38Perhaps it's time for you to leave.
37:48Is that you?
37:50We have to talk.
38:02Hey.
38:04I'm glad you're home.
38:06I wanted to talk to you about Aunt Lily.
38:09What about her?
38:12It was so weird.
38:15She called me into her room this afternoon.
38:17She started saying she knew why I didn't remember living on this street before.
38:21Oh, sweetie.
38:23Your Aunt Lily is fading fast.
38:26Half the time, she doesn't know what she's saying.
38:31Is that her?
38:33No, I just checked on her.
38:34She's sleeping.
38:37You know, you have that recital in two weeks.
38:39Shouldn't you be practicing?
38:47Dylan.
38:51Please.
38:52Please.
38:52Please.
39:59Pests, they come in all shapes and sizes, and disrupt our lives in a variety of ways.
40:09At first, they're merely annoying, and we do our best to ignore them.
40:18But if we don't take them seriously, they can become quite dangerous.
40:27For some, death seems to be the easiest solution.
40:38But the problem with pests is that what they leave behind is just as dangerous.
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