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  • 15 hours ago
Desperate Housewives S04E01
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00:11Previously on Desperate Housewives, Susan and Mike finally tied the knot.
00:17Lynette got some disturbing news.
00:20Where the hell do you get off having cancer and not telling me about it?
00:23Mom.
00:24Bree returned from her trip.
00:26Holy crap.
00:27With a surprise.
00:28There you go.
00:29Gabby married Victor.
00:31Gabby's the smartest thing you've ever done.
00:32They're bringing in the Latino vote.
00:34The governor's mansion's as good as yours.
00:35While Carlos.
00:36Why are you so reluctant to make a commitment to me?
00:39Ended it with Edie.
00:40I'm done with you.
00:43But the search for true happiness led to events that were unexpected and distinctly desperate.
00:57The first thing you should know is that Edie Britt never actually intended to die.
01:06But someone she loved was trying to leave her.
01:10So she planned every detail.
01:13From the silk scarf she'd hang by to the suicide note detailing her despair.
01:20Now all Edie had to do was wait for her beloved to come home.
01:29Hey Edie.
01:30I'm here to get my stuff.
01:32You see to hold on to her man, Edie knew she'd have to find the perfect moment to let go.
01:42Hey Carlos.
01:44Sadly for Edie.
01:46Can I talk to you?
01:47Her timing was fatally flawed.
01:51Ms. McCluskey.
01:52I need to show you something.
01:53Come here.
01:58What's this?
02:00Ah, those are trash cans.
02:03I know they're trash cans, smartass.
02:05I'm asking what they're doing out on a Saturday night when the trash got picked up on Thursday.
02:14Fine.
02:15I will take them in.
02:16Happy now?
02:17Carlos?
02:19What the hell is that?
02:33And this is how Carlos Solis arrived just in the nick of time to save the life of Edie Britt.
02:40Oh, what?
02:42Oh, baby.
02:43What did you do?
02:45Come on, you gotta wake up.
02:47Come on, please.
02:48Of course, had he known what she was about to do to his life...
02:54He would have let her hang there.
03:07There is a certain time of night, after children have been put to bed and husbands have begun snoring,
03:14that women lie awake and think of the secrets they've been keeping from their friends.
03:20It might be an impromptu wedding or a recently diagnosed tumor or a make-believe pregnancy.
03:33Regardless, it's all they will think of until something comes along to remind them that other people have secrets, too.
03:48Carlos, how is she?
03:49What did the doctors say?
03:51Ah, they've got Edie on a ventilator, but she's gonna be okay.
03:54What the hell happened?
03:54How could she pull a stunt like this?
03:56She left a note, which pretty much blames me.
03:59Oh, sweetie.
04:00I can't believe this is happening.
04:02It's like Mary Alice all over again.
04:03Yes, but the good news is she's gonna live.
04:06I know it's her wedding night, but do you think we should call Gabby?
04:10Oh, crap.
04:18Gabby?
04:19You know, this better be one hell of a wedding night, considering how long you're taking in there.
04:22Trust me, Victor.
04:24This will be a night you'll never forget.
04:29Let's get out of here.
04:31What?
04:31I'm serious.
04:32You, me, just screw it all.
04:33Let's run away together.
04:36I just got married.
04:37There are 200 people out there waiting for me to lead a conga line.
04:40Gabby, you just said you don't feel like Victor really loves you, and you know I do.
04:43I've never stopped.
04:44I can't dump him on our wedding day.
04:45That's a horrible thing to do, even to Victor.
04:47He'll get over it.
04:48But I've never gotten over losing you, and I won't let it happen again.
04:54Gabby, you in here?
04:58Gabby?
05:05Gabby, I was just counting gifts.
05:09That's fine.
05:10I was actually looking for the publicist guy.
05:12You haven't seen him, have you?
05:13No.
05:14Okay.
05:14I'll give you a holler when I need you.
05:20Come on.
05:22Come on.
05:23Who doesn't wear underwear on their wedding day?
05:25Oh, focus, you idiot.
05:27Well, come on, when are we leaving?
05:31So we're doing this?
05:33Great.
05:34It'll take me a few hours to get stuff together.
05:36I'm going to pick you up tonight.
05:37Just be packed and ready to go.
05:38Okay, wait.
05:41Aren't you going to kiss the bride?
05:50Finally.
05:52Carlos, where the hell are you?
05:53I'm at the hospital.
05:54Edie tried to kill herself tonight.
05:55Oh, my God.
05:56Is she okay?
05:57I found her just in time, but obviously I can't come pick you up tonight.
06:01Okay.
06:01That's all right.
06:02I'll just take a cab and meet you.
06:03Gabby, I can't leave Edie now.
06:05Look, maybe in a couple weeks.
06:06In a few weeks?
06:07What?
06:08No.
06:08It has to be tonight.
06:09Victor's in the bedroom right now, waiting to consummate.
06:12And Edie's on a ventilator.
06:14Look, you don't have to stay with Victor.
06:16You have a house.
06:17Okay, you know, running away with you on my wedding night was crazy enough, but running
06:22away to be alone is insane.
06:24Gabby, please.
06:25She needs me.
06:26Can't you just wait?
06:27No.
06:28I would rather try and work it out with Victor.
06:35Gabby, are you coming to bed?
06:50Happy one-month anniversary.
06:52I didn't know we were doing this.
06:54Oh, we've just been so happy the last four weeks.
06:56I thought we should celebrate.
07:01You are happy, right?
07:03Yeah.
07:04I've never been happier.
07:05Oh, that's sweet.
07:13I don't believe you.
07:15Susan.
07:16I watch you sometimes, and you seem very disconnected, like something's missing.
07:22Nothing is missing.
07:24So our life together is exactly how you pictured it.
07:26You've gotten everything you wanted.
07:28Yeah, pretty much.
07:29Aha!
07:30Uh, huh?
07:31Pretty much means there is something that you want that you don't have.
07:34How can I give it to you if you don't tell me what it is?
07:37Susan, I swear, I am ecstatically beyond my wildest dreams.
07:42Lip-smackingly happy.
07:43You got it?
07:48This marriage is doomed.
07:54Hey, the moving van just pulled out.
07:58Oh, Andrew, I'm having problems with my strap.
08:00Could you help me?
08:01Look, I told you three weeks ago I was no longer participating in your little hoax.
08:05That includes strapping you in.
08:06Oh, for heaven's sakes.
08:08Orson!
08:09Could you come help me, please?
08:11I'll remember this the next time you want money for leather pants.
08:14People are going to find out, all right?
08:16And then we're going to all look like idiots.
08:17Well, not if we're careful.
08:19This is in the 50s, okay?
08:21Teenage girls get pregnant all the time.
08:23I mean, my ex-lab partner's practically a grandmother.
08:25Look, this family's reputation is already hanging by a thread.
08:28I mean, first people thought that your stepfather was a wife killer,
08:32then your sister takes up with their history teacher,
08:33and now we're supposed to parade a little bastard up and down the street.
08:36We might as well sit on the porch and play banjos.
08:40Bree?
08:41You know, there's a moving van next door.
08:48Mom, are you awake?
08:51Okay, honey.
08:52Just give me a minute.
08:54Give me a minute.
08:59Hey.
08:59Hey.
09:00My wig is gone.
09:02Where is it?
09:02It's on the nightstand.
09:03No, no.
09:04I'm looking at the nightstand,
09:05and all I see are a few straight hairs
09:06and this sports blooper DVD you thought would cheer me up.
09:11Peyton Manning is funny.
09:12Mom!
09:13Hey, I'm coming!
09:15Hey, don't just lie there like a lump.
09:17Come on, help me look.
09:19Look.
09:19Look.
09:20This is all the moments when it occurs to me
09:22that wouldn't it be easier
09:23if we just told everyone that you have cancer?
09:25Oh, I found it.
09:27Look, I mean, I get not wanting to scare the kids,
09:29but to keep all of our friends in the dark?
09:31Look, I can deal with the chemo.
09:33I can deal with people telling me
09:34my hair has never looked better,
09:35but what I cannot deal with is the pity,
09:37so we are doing it my way.
09:44You were crooked.
09:49Hey, sweetie, what's up?
09:50There was a moving van across the street.
09:54So you went and listed right away.
09:56And don't worry about getting top dollar.
09:57I want this place priced to move.
10:01What's going on here?
10:02I'm meeting with our realtor.
10:04Gabby, you remember Gil?
10:06I remember telling you
10:07I wasn't ready to sell the house yet.
10:10Gil, could you give us a minute, please?
10:12Yeah.
10:13Gabby, we agreed that after we got married,
10:15you would sell the house.
10:17I still have a lot of stuff here.
10:19My house is over 10,000 square feet.
10:21I'm pretty sure there are closets.
10:22I'm just not in a rush
10:23to unload this house, okay?
10:25This was my home.
10:25I was very happy here.
10:26We've got a new home now.
10:28Aren't you happy there?
10:29Yeah, it's a great house.
10:32Well, good.
10:33Then sell this place.
10:35What are you waiting for?
10:39I'm not waiting for anything.
10:43Oh, look, a moving van.
10:50New neighbors.
10:51What do we know?
10:52Well, dining chairs, there's a clue.
10:55Yes.
10:56Proves they eat sitting down.
10:57No, I mean, they're stickly.
10:58It means they have taste.
11:00And money.
11:00They've been remodeling for weeks.
11:03I wish Edie were here.
11:04Without her, there's no one
11:05to give us the dish.
11:06Yet another illustration
11:08of the fundamental selfishness of suicide.
11:13You think this is them?
11:27Oh, my God.
11:29Catherine.
11:32Catherine!
11:35Susan!
11:36Susan!
11:38Oh!
11:42I cannot believe it has been 12 years.
11:45You haven't changed a bit.
11:46Well, you clearly have.
11:47Your eyesight's going.
11:50How's your aunt?
11:51Catherine used to live here
11:52with Mrs. Simps.
11:54Not very well, I'm afraid.
11:55That's really the reason
11:56why we moved back.
11:58I didn't want poor Aunt Lily
11:59to spend her final days
12:00in a nursing home.
12:01That is so kind of you.
12:03Yeah, it is.
12:05Oh, and as luck would have it,
12:07my husband found a job here.
12:09Adam, could you wave or something?
12:12Hello, ladies.
12:13Hi.
12:13Look forward to meeting you
12:13when I'm a little less sweaty.
12:16He's a cutie.
12:17What does he do?
12:18He's a doctor.
12:20Okay.
12:21Don't take this personally.
12:22But we hate you.
12:23Hold on.
12:25I finished unpacking my room.
12:26Do you need any help?
12:27Oh, my God.
12:28This is not little Dylan.
12:31I'm Susan, Julie's mom.
12:33She is going to be so excited
12:34to see you.
12:35Great.
12:37Who's Julie again?
12:38Honey, you remember
12:39your best friend
12:39when you were little?
12:41Oh, right.
12:42Why don't you go help
12:42your stepfather
12:43the last few boxes?
12:45It's nice meeting you all.
12:46What a beautiful family.
12:48I feel so lucky
12:49to have you for a neighbor.
12:50No, I am the lucky one.
12:52Look at my view.
12:53Your garden is
12:55absolutely breathtaking.
12:57Yeah.
12:58And that pine tree
12:59in the backyard?
13:00It's my pride and joy.
13:02Oh, it absolutely kills me
13:04to have to ask you
13:04to cut it down.
13:07Excuse me?
13:08I'm sorry,
13:08but I'm not going to be able
13:09to grow my prize-winning
13:10vegetables with that tree
13:11blocking all the sunlight.
13:14Oh, well, I'm sorry
13:15about your vegetables,
13:16but that pine shields
13:18my view of the Purcell's
13:19backyard.
13:19And if you had ever seen
13:20Mr. Purcell sunbathe,
13:22well, you'd know exactly
13:22what that tree means to me.
13:25Well, I don't want to quarrel.
13:27We will not touch that tree
13:28until we have come up
13:29with a solution
13:29to our problem.
13:32Curtains, perhaps.
13:36So you're back.
13:38How fun.
13:39I should have a brunch
13:40so that everyone
13:41can get to know you.
13:42No, no need.
13:43I'm having a barbecue
13:44this Saturday.
13:44I'm inviting
13:45the whole neighborhood.
13:47Oh, you don't need
13:48to do that.
13:48I insist.
13:49I have missed
13:50Wisteria Lane so much,
13:51and I want to do
13:52something special
13:53for my dear old friends
13:54and all you lovely
13:55newcomers.
14:05The nice thing
14:06about this fake pregnancy
14:07is my feet don't swell.
14:09I mean, I'd never be able
14:10to squeeze into
14:11these slingbacks
14:12if I really was
14:13eight and a half months pregnant.
14:18Brie, don't you look radiant?
14:21Oh, hello, Mrs. McKeever.
14:23Well, I heard
14:24that you were expecting,
14:25but I had no idea
14:26how far along you were.
14:28May I?
14:29Oh, there's no need.
14:31The baby's just not
14:32kicking right now.
14:33Sometimes,
14:34if you give them
14:34a little jiggle,
14:35you can get them to move.
14:37Oh, she doesn't really
14:38want to be jiggled
14:38right now.
14:39She's very sensitive
14:40down there.
14:40But I'll be gentle.
14:42You know, in my day,
14:43mothers thought
14:44that it was good luck.
14:46Perhaps I need to make
14:47my point a little
14:47more clearly.
14:49Brie, you're hurting me.
14:52Is there a problem here?
14:53No, not at all.
14:55I'm just saying hello
14:56to a very dear
14:57friend of mine.
15:03Are you going to
15:03back off now?
15:07Car's here, dear.
15:08Lovely to see you,
15:09Mrs. McKeever.
15:12Why must old ladies
15:13always do that?
15:15No, but you've got
15:15to stop roughing them up.
15:21I'm sorry, Susan.
15:22Dr. Gorenberg
15:23just had a patient
15:23go into labor.
15:24His new partner
15:25is covering for him
15:25if you're comfortable
15:26with that.
15:27Sure.
15:27I'm just here
15:28for a checkup.
15:30Doctor?
15:34Hi.
15:34I'm Dr. Mayfair.
15:36I'm going to...
15:38Hold it.
15:39Have we met?
15:40Yes.
15:41Yesterday.
15:42Susan Meyer,
15:43your new neighbor.
15:44Right.
15:45I didn't know
15:46you were
15:46this kind of doctor.
15:48I sure am.
15:56Listen, um...
15:57Maybe this isn't...
15:59Feed up, please.
16:00Okay.
16:03And scooch down.
16:11Just that it's weird,
16:14you know,
16:14considering you're...
16:16Where'd you go?
16:33Where'd you go?
16:35Max?
16:36Sorry.
16:37Um...
16:37Hey, not to change
16:38the subject,
16:38but when is Dr. Gorenberg
16:39coming back?
16:41Almost done.
16:44You know,
16:45Catherine has talked
16:46about you for years.
16:47It's nice to finally
16:48put a face to the name.
16:57I don't know.
17:06Lynette!
17:08Muriel,
17:08how are you doing?
17:10What's up?
17:11You look good.
17:14Don't try to sweet-talk me,
17:15Lynette Scavo.
17:16I am fit to be tied.
17:18Did you?
17:18Or did you not
17:19volunteer to run
17:20the fundraising gala?
17:22Yeah.
17:23Things have been
17:23a little weird lately.
17:24Don't even think
17:25of wriggling
17:26out of this, Lynette.
17:27Every other third-grade mom
17:29has chaired an event.
17:30It is your turn.
17:33Okay.
17:34I'll jump right on it.
17:36Great.
17:37Okay.
17:39See,
17:41that's where someone
17:42with half a brain
17:43would have played
17:44the cancer card.
17:45I can handle it.
17:46Like hell.
17:47You've been nauseous
17:48all day from the chemo.
17:49You shouldn't even be here.
17:50It's my life.
17:51Some stupid disease
17:52is not going to keep
17:53me from living it.
17:53Besides,
17:54Parker's expecting
17:55to see me.
17:56Hey.
17:57Hi.
17:59There.
18:00He saw you.
18:01You'll duck out
18:02when the lights go down.
18:03He's going to be
18:04watching for me all day.
18:05He's one of the leads.
18:05He's Friar Tuck.
18:07It's a thankless role.
18:16Well,
18:17everything seems normal.
18:19But you say
18:20you've been having
18:21irregular periods.
18:22Yeah.
18:22You know,
18:23one month off,
18:24two months on.
18:25That happens, right?
18:26Ever experienced
18:27night sweats?
18:28Um,
18:29sometimes.
18:30But Mike's a big spooner.
18:32He's like sleeping
18:33with a hibachi.
18:35Um,
18:35how about hot flashes?
18:37Okay,
18:37whoa.
18:38I'm going to stop you
18:39right there.
18:40I'm way too young
18:40for that.
18:41Please refer to your chart.
18:42Susan,
18:43I know for a lot of women
18:44the word menopause
18:45has negative connotations.
18:46They hear,
18:47um,
18:48aging,
18:49brittle bones,
18:50loss of sexual desire.
18:52Okay,
18:52before we go any further,
18:53can I check those diplomas?
18:55Because I...
18:55Look,
18:55there's a simple blood test
18:56we can use to find out.
18:57I don't need any test.
18:58I am not old enough
18:59for menopause.
19:00Now,
19:00I don't know
19:00what kind of nonsense
19:02they taught you
19:03at Harvard Medical School.
19:07Class of 97?
19:09Oh, my God.
19:10I am old.
19:11Just give me the damn test.
19:16We will live in these woods
19:17till our work is done.
19:18If the sheriff comes,
19:20we will drive him away
19:21with our bows and arrows.
19:24You okay?
19:26I'm feeling a little...
19:28God save all you merry men.
19:30I beseech thee.
19:31Pray that I may join your man,
19:34band of merry men.
19:35I am more than just
19:36a jolly friar,
19:38for I can have both
19:39a sword and an arrow.
19:41We must support Robin Hood.
19:43Oh,
19:43I'm gonna be sick.
19:44Right there with you, lady.
19:47Oh,
19:48hell,
19:48Robin Hood!
19:52Okay,
19:52let's go.
19:53No,
19:54it's too late.
19:55Oh.
20:03Bravo!
20:06I'm sorry.
20:07I'm sorry.
20:07I'll get you a new purse.
20:09Fine.
20:09But that wasn't my purse.
20:21I'll get you a new purse.
20:30Hello.
20:31You have everything you need?
20:32Just let me know.
20:33Hi!
20:33Good to see you.
20:34Oh, you look great.
20:37Mrs. LeCluskie.
20:38Hello.
20:40How are you?
20:42Do you remember me?
20:43You're best Truman, right?
20:45Of course I remember you.
20:46That's your way of checking
20:47if my brain's gone all tapioca.
20:49I'm fine.
20:50Sorry.
20:51So I saw your kid and your new husband.
20:53Nice catch.
20:54Oh, well, thank you.
20:55I'm very eager for him to experience life on Mysteria
20:58Lane.
20:59The times that Bill and I spent here were the happiest
21:02of our lives.
21:03Yeah?
21:03Why'd you take off so suddenly?
21:04You skipped town without even saying goodbye.
21:08Bye.
21:08You do remember a lot, don't you?
21:12Excuse me.
21:13Really must mingle.
21:20I think these eggs are past the prime.
21:23Oh.
21:25So you just shun them and throw them away.
21:28Well, yeah, since some mayonnaise left out in the sun
21:31can kill you.
21:33Everything OK?
21:34You seem kind of moody today.
21:36Yeah, I get used to it.
21:38OK, did I do something wrong?
21:40No, I'm sorry.
21:42I'm just a little.
21:44You know what, forget it.
21:45Let's eat.
21:46Please.
21:46You who?
21:47Susan, we saved your place.
21:51Yeah?
21:52Come on.
21:53We want you over.
21:54Come on.
21:54Come on.
22:00Oh my god, Dylan.
22:04Hi.
22:05It's me, Julie.
22:06Julie's the one we were talking about.
22:08Hi, honey.
22:09She was your best friend.
22:13Yeah, and I brought you a little welcome back gift.
22:15Your favorite.
22:16Oh my goodness.
22:17Do you remember how much you used to love licorice?
22:20I did.
22:21Mm-hmm.
22:22OK.
22:26Come on.
22:27I've got some of the old gang I want you to meet.
22:29Have fun.
22:32Menopause?
22:33God, aren't you a little young for that?
22:35I know.
22:36You thought you married a vibrant woman in her prime and instead you got a wife who's...
22:43...dry and dusty.
22:45Oh, honey.
22:46Oh, it's a natural part of life.
22:49Yeah, the part before death.
22:51Oh.
22:52I know that it's upsetting, but it's really not that big a deal.
22:55Yes, it is.
22:56What if you want to have kids?
22:57We agreed that we didn't.
22:58No, you said you did.
22:59I said I didn't and you changed your mind.
23:01What if you change it back?
23:02That's not gonna happen.
23:03Listen, my last egg could be on its way down the chute at this very moment.
23:07If you want to have kids, you might want to jump on it right now.
23:11All right, this is all very romantic, but let me be clear about this, OK?
23:16I love you.
23:18And if kids don't happen, I'm fine with that.
23:21I don't want you to be fine.
23:23I want you to be happy.
23:26All right, I'm just trying to find a nice way to shut you up, so...
23:35Yep, we're doomed.
23:40Hey.
23:42Look who's back.
23:44Oh my gosh, she's out of the clinic.
23:49Thanks, darling.
23:50Hi.
23:51Oh, hey.
23:53Oh, careful.
23:54The neck.
23:55Oh, sorry.
23:56All right.
23:56Thank you all so much for the cards.
23:59Sometimes it takes a near tragedy to realize just how much you're loved.
24:04So why don't you talk to your friends and I'll go unpack the car.
24:08Oh, thanks, sweetheart.
24:11I have to admit that I was a little concerned about how you'd react when you saw me.
24:17But this?
24:18Throwing me a party?
24:20I...
24:24Well, we just all love you.
24:26And Amy, you look great, especially, you know, given the circumstances.
24:31You mean that I tried to hang myself.
24:34Well, it's okay.
24:35The doctor encouraged me to talk about it.
24:38Surely not over food.
24:40Well, Carlos and I talk about it all the time.
24:42You know, and this whole thing has just brought us closer together.
24:46We've actually talked about marriage.
24:48Hi.
24:53Hello.
24:53Great.
24:54I don't think we've met.
24:55I'm Katherine Mayfair, your new neighbor.
24:57Oh, Edie, it's a pleasure to meet you.
25:00Welcome to my party.
25:07So I hear congratulations are in order.
25:10Edie just announced you're getting married.
25:12Best wishes.
25:13We're not engaged.
25:14That was just a kind of a what-if conversation.
25:17Really, because she thinks you're getting married.
25:20Everyone else thinks you're getting married.
25:22So, again, best wishes.
25:24Gabby, the woman tried to kill herself because I left her.
25:26She's not real good with disappointment.
25:28Neither am I.
25:29You told me you want to run away together, and then I don't hear from you for a month.
25:32That was only because I was going through stuff with Edie, but it doesn't mean that I wasn't thinking about
25:35you constantly.
25:36You were not.
25:38Yes, I was.
25:39Yes, I was.
25:40Every second of every day.
25:44Yeah, well, I kind of thought about you, too.
25:49I need to be with you, Gabby.
25:51Yeah?
25:52Prove it.
25:54Can you get away tonight?
25:55Oh, my God.
25:56Are you serious?
25:58Damn right I am.
26:04I just have to be back my midnight to give Edie her pills.
26:07What?
26:08If we're going to have an affair, we've got to be discreet.
26:11Affair?
26:11I thought we were talking about running away together.
26:14I can't do that.
26:15Edie's too fragile right now.
26:18That old battle axe is going to outlive us all.
26:21Hey, don't talk about her like that.
26:22Oh, far be it for me to speak ill of the future Mrs. Carlos Solis.
26:26We are not getting married.
26:27Best wishes!
26:36No, absolutely not.
26:38That's my final answer.
26:41And I'll talk to you later.
26:43That was Danielle.
26:44Now she wants us to send a DVD player for her room.
26:47Well, it hardly seems extravagant.
26:48You're missing the point.
26:49It's a convent, not the Four Seasons.
26:51You have mustard on your chin.
26:53I mean, it's one thing to forgive bad behavior.
26:56It's another thing to reward it.
26:58There are consequences for her mistakes.
27:00Ah!
27:01Bree!
27:02Oh, my God!
27:03Are you all right?
27:05Oh, no, no.
27:05I'm fine.
27:06I'm fine.
27:07You're bleeding.
27:08No, no, no.
27:09It's just a...
27:09Oh, it's a little barbecue sauce.
27:10Where is Catherine's husband?
27:12He's a doctor.
27:13She's fine.
27:15Adam!
27:16Get over here!
27:17Right now!
27:18Bree got stabbed in the belly.
27:20Oh, my God.
27:20Are you all right?
27:21Let me take a look.
27:21No, it doesn't happen.
27:22We were just teasing, Ida.
27:25It's something we do.
27:27Look, it's a trick.
27:30A barbecue form.
27:31We got it at a magic shop.
27:32See?
27:33Oh!
27:34Retractable.
27:35Oh!
27:36Oh, my baby.
27:38Wow.
27:39It's...
27:40It's quite a trick.
27:41Ha!
27:41Hey!
27:42Let's go freak out Mrs. McCluskey.
27:44Huh?
27:46He's such a scamp.
27:55Psycho mom at five o'clock.
27:56You say the words, she gets a face full of pig bones.
28:00Oh, my hero.
28:02I can handle her.
28:05Lynette.
28:06I just spoke with Helen and imagine my surprise when she told me that you'd not started on the decorations
28:11for the gala.
28:12I'm in charge of decorations?
28:13Yes.
28:14Which you would have known had you bothered to pick up the packet.
28:22I don't want to hear it.
28:26Okay.
28:33I'm sorry, sweetie.
28:35I'm just...
28:36I'm just too tired right now.
28:38Here, honey.
28:39I'll get you.
28:41Oh!
28:42Oh!
28:43Yes!
28:44Mommy has to conserve her energy for more important things.
28:50Mwah!
28:51Oh!
28:53Oh!
28:57We are not throwing in the towel over a minor mishap.
29:00How many more mishaps are we going to get away with?
29:02Yesterday was an old woman in the Macy's shoe department.
29:05Today a magic fork in the belly.
29:06Pretty soon this whole charade will completely unravel and we will be humiliated.
29:10We're already in too deep.
29:12We could go on a trip.
29:13Tell people you miscarried while we were away.
29:15And then what would happen to the baby?
29:17Well, Danielle would keep it.
29:19Do you think Danielle could raise this child?
29:21Orson, you've seen her in action.
29:22She's...
29:22She's shallow and she's...
29:23She's selfish.
29:24She would ruin this child's life.
29:26How can you say that?
29:27Because I'm her mother.
29:30And I know what I've created.
29:32And that's the real humiliation.
29:38Orson...
29:40This child deserves better.
29:43And I know what to do now.
29:45Please.
29:47Please let me try.
29:52So...
29:52Really, what you want is a second chance?
29:56Why would that be so horrible?
30:03Well then...
30:06Let the charade continue.
30:18So you're bailing on me now?
30:20I know.
30:21The timing is terrible.
30:22Damn right.
30:22It's three weeks before the gala.
30:24I just didn't realize how tired I would be when I took this one.
30:27Oh, we're all tired, Lynette.
30:28But some of us still manage to honor our commitments.
30:30Okay, I'm gonna be honest with you.
30:31I haven't been feeling that great.
30:34Oh, don't...
30:34Wond to me about your aches and pains.
30:36I've had the same migraine since 87.
30:38And my knee's so bad, I can't even use a treadmill anymore.
30:41Oh, yeah.
30:44That's rough.
30:45Hmm.
30:47By the way...
30:54I have cancer.
30:58I'll give Helen a call.
31:09Well...
31:14So, I am halfway through chemo, and my doctor is very confident that I'm going to beat this.
31:22So you can all relax.
31:24I'm not going to die.
31:31Well, not unless we kill you.
31:34Huh?
31:34Damn it, Lynette.
31:35What did we say after Mary Alice?
31:37After Edie?
31:38Why didn't they tell us?
31:40We're your friends.
31:41Why would you shut us out?
31:43I just liked being able to throw on my wig and join you guys for a cup of coffee and
31:49a good gossip about the new neighbors.
31:52You know, for five minutes I could pretend I wasn't a sick person.
31:56But once your friends know you're sick, you can't pretend anymore, because you can see it in their eyes.
32:03The fear, the pity.
32:07Is that all you see in our eyes?
32:16No.
32:17No, of course not.
32:20You know what?
32:21Let's make a pact.
32:23No more secrets.
32:24From now on, we tell each other every shocking detail of our lives.
32:34I'm in.
32:35Me too.
32:36Me too.
32:39You with us?
32:42Absolutely.
32:46No more secrets.
32:57You're right, I'm not happy.
32:59Let's talk.
33:03All I'm saying is, I just want to know that I come first with you.
33:07Sometimes I feel less like your wife than a possession.
33:10It's demeaning, it's, it's...
33:13Why are you smiling right now?
33:14Because this is fantastic.
33:16After weeks of shutting me out, you're finally telling me how you feel.
33:19We should do this all the time.
33:20Well, it's hard when you're so busy.
33:26Maybe we should go away, but it'll just take a couple weeks or a month.
33:31Let's rediscover what it was that made us fall in love to begin with.
33:35That is a great idea.
33:37Let's do it.
33:37How's next week?
33:39Let's see here.
33:43I've got the meeting with the school board on Tuesday.
33:47And at the end of the month, I've got the conference in Washington.
33:49Oh, shoot.
33:50I've got the groundbreaking for the new civic center.
33:54Dad's birthday.
33:55Economic development forum.
33:58How about April?
33:59I can give you two whole weeks in April.
34:07I'll see you later, babe.
34:09Where are you going?
34:11Escobo's for a few beers.
34:12Oh, can I come?
34:14Uh, no.
34:16Why not?
34:17Edie, I know you've been through a lot lately, but I can't hold your hand 24 hours a day.
34:23If you want this relationship to work, you've got to give me some downtime.
34:36Okay, so I managed to get away from Edie.
34:39What do you want?
34:41To get you away from Edie.
34:57Oh, come on.
34:57You have to remember your boyfriend, Joey Miller.
35:00You used to chase him around the jungle gym.
35:02Really?
35:02You think I would have gone for this guy with the sexy finger up his nose?
35:07So you don't remember any of the kids we used to play with?
35:09Oh, to be honest, I don't remember anything about living here.
35:14Really?
35:18So, what is your earliest memory?
35:23I don't know if this is a memory, but for years I've had this creepy dream.
35:31I'm really little, and there's a guy in my room, and he tries to grab me.
35:38That is creepy.
35:41Have you ever talked to somebody about it?
35:46You mean like a therapist?
35:49My old babysitter suggested that, but my mom got mad and said no.
35:55Really?
35:56Yeah.
35:58Then she fired the babysitter.
36:06Susan?
36:07I'm in here.
36:10Your front door was open.
36:12No problem.
36:14Um, what's up?
36:16First, let me just say this is one of the more embarrassing moments of my career,
36:20and you have every right to hate me.
36:22Adam, I have no idea what you're talking about.
36:25Well, your test results came back, and your estrogen levels are fine.
36:28You're not about to start menopause.
36:30Really?
36:32That's fantastic.
36:33There's more.
36:35More?
36:37You're pregnant.
36:39What?
36:42What did he just say?
36:44I'm pregnant?
36:49He said I'm pregnant.
37:01I have never been happier.
37:05Well, now I believe you.
37:14There you are.
37:17I'm sorry.
37:18I got in late last night.
37:20I didn't want to wake you.
37:21You don't have to explain.
37:23I trust you.
37:25Well, good.
37:26You should.
37:27I just wish you trusted me a bit more.
37:30What are you talking about?
37:32When did you ever tell me about your offshore bank account?
37:37What?
37:39Well, you know.
37:41The one in the Cayman Islands.
37:43With ten million dollars in it.
37:48I miss you when you're gone.
37:52Going through your things makes me feel like you're with me.
37:56Okay.
37:57I know how this looks.
37:59What did you think I was going to do?
38:00Tell people?
38:02Turn you in?
38:03Try to get my little hands on it?
38:06I don't care about money, Carlos.
38:09All I care about is you.
38:13That's why this relationship is going to work.
38:18You can trust me with your secrets.
38:22Just like I can trust you not to hurt me.
38:38There is a certain time of mourning.
38:40It occurs after kids have left for school.
38:43And husbands have headed off for work.
38:47It's a time when women think of the secrets they've been keeping from their friends.
38:53And how shocked they would be if the truth was discovered.
38:58And how they'll do everything in their power to keep that from happening.
39:04But what of those lucky women who have no secrets left to keep?
39:09What do they think about every morning?
39:12Hey!
39:16Is something wrong?
39:20It's just...
39:21Dylan and I used to be best friends.
39:24I mean, we did everything together.
39:27I know. She was like a sister to you.
39:30Well...
39:32That girl that I've been hanging out with...
39:35And I know this is going to sound crazy, but...
39:40That's not the same girl.
39:41That girl.
39:49These women spend their mornings thinking of their neighbors.
39:53And the secrets they may be keeping.
40:05There you are. I've been calling you.
40:15Is this the room?
40:17Yes.
40:19Dylan's been asking me if she can move in here.
40:22So let her.
40:24You may remember what happened here, but she can't.
40:27Doesn't matter.
40:29I won't allow it.
40:31Hey, are you okay?
40:33Did we make a mistake coming back here?
40:36Did we have a choice?
40:40It is, but...
40:53I'm going to have a choice.
40:55No, no.
40:57No!
40:59Oh, no.
41:28Transcription by CastingWords
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