- 15 hours ago
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00:12So, I had a really nice night tonight.
00:15Yeah, me too.
00:17Glad you called.
00:26I should probably go inside.
00:29Yeah, yeah, let's go inside.
00:31You know what I mean.
00:43Whoa, hey, hey, come on.
00:46It said I had a nice night, so.
00:48Yeah, I get it.
00:50Call me tomorrow.
00:52Okay.
00:53Good night, Travis.
00:55Good night.
01:05Hey, watch it.
01:14Good night.
01:17Good night.
01:20Good night.
01:25Good night.
01:33Vampires, werewolves, and zombies.
01:35Descended upon California's San Fernando Valley.
01:39Authorities remain debattled by their origins.
01:41Oh, it's not a sound.
01:43All these nasty pills that get so rotten.
01:46I think you're trying to put this guy in the ground.
01:53We're losing our control.
01:56Our church, you just said I think it's getting closer because they're coming around.
02:01Okay, people, looks like we have ourselves a werewolf to apprehend.
02:05Pierce, Stubeck, I want you guys on this.
02:07Why not me and Carla?
02:08Yeah.
02:09Because for the month, Stubeck and Pierce have 11 werewolves.
02:12Do you and Rinaldi, six?
02:14Because you give them the good leads, Captain.
02:16I assign the leads randomly, and excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure.
02:20What?
02:21Officer Landry, I understand this werewolf attack happened on your block.
02:24Well, you're welcome to stay at my place until this whole thing blows over.
02:28Um, I think I'll be okay.
02:31And moving on.
02:32I just received word that the L.A. Department of Sanitation failed to sign a new contract today,
02:38so they are officially on strike.
02:39Yeah, what does that mean?
02:40What that means is that each and every one of you is responsible for collecting and disposing of your own
02:46zombie kills.
02:47Can we keep the zombies?
02:48No, we can't keep them.
02:49Final piece of business.
02:51It is Officer Carla Rinaldi's birthday today.
02:57Happy birthday, Carla.
02:58That's my car.
02:59Happy birthday.
03:01That's my car.
03:02She's not saying what birthday, but I would gather it's probably been a couple years since your quinceanera.
03:08Am I right, Rinaldi?
03:09Captain, you know I'm not Hispanic, right?
03:12If I did, I sure as hell wouldn't tell you.
03:14Anyway, let's throw a little extra love Carla's way.
03:17Let's make sure it's appropriate love.
03:18No full mouth kissing, no crotch mashing.
03:21And if you sacks want to give Carla a hug, you bend the waist like an A-frame house.
03:26Damn right, Captain.
03:27All right, now let's get out there and kill something.
03:30Hey, remember earlier when I told you not to look at that SUV next to us with the tinted windows
03:34and then you looked anyway?
03:35Yeah, I thought you were pointing out some side boob.
03:37Naturally.
03:37Anyway, when the driver went to flick his cigarette out the window, I caught a glimpse of him and it
03:42was the same vamp that jumped me outside the bar a couple weeks ago.
03:45Are you sure?
03:46I'm positive.
03:47Did you get the plates?
03:50Aw, yeah.
03:52Only question now is, Stu, what are we going to do about it?
03:56We don't do anything.
03:57Captain wants us on this werewolf case.
03:58We're going to sit tight until we can talk to him later.
04:01Don't give me that look.
04:02What?
04:03That's the look you give me when you're going to do something that I directly asked you not to do.
04:06Promise me you won't go after these guys alone.
04:08All right, Stu, I promise.
04:10Pinky swear?
04:12I pinky swear.
04:13I'm a dad.
04:14I take pinky swear seriously.
04:16I know you do, partner.
04:16All right.
04:18All right.
04:19Got it.
04:23Hey, Captain.
04:25Sorry to bother you, but can I run a license plate?
04:28Anyways, I just showed up at, uh, this police department.
04:31No, the undead task force.
04:34Yeah, I'd give it about a D, solid D minus.
04:36BT dubs, not that I pay taxes, but if I did, I would be pissed.
04:41All right, pal, I'll see you later.
04:44Hey, can I help you?
04:45Uh, hey, yes, please.
04:46I'm looking for Kirsten.
04:48Kirsten?
04:48Yeah, I just wanted to drop off her jacket.
04:50She left it in my car the other night, so I just wanted to, you know.
04:55Yeah, uh, she's busy.
04:57She can't come out right now.
04:59Okay.
05:00Dad?
05:02Well, gee golly.
05:03Thanks.
05:04I could pass that on to her.
05:05I will.
05:06Maybe I should write a note or...
05:07Nope.
05:07Nope, maybe not.
05:08Okay.
05:09Well...
05:09Do I know you from somewhere?
05:11Yeah, I'm the basis for plastic organ.
05:14Six inches soft.
05:15Handicap stalls.
05:16Otis Gay and the Civil Rights.
05:17Nursery crimes.
05:18Cancel the pants.
05:19Definitely not.
05:20Those are just some of the bands I dabble in.
05:22You probably don't listen to that music anyways.
05:24I know.
05:24Probably don't get out of the valley often.
05:25No, no, I leave the valley from time to time.
05:27Okay.
05:27Well, thank you, Captain Stubek.
05:29You realize I kill things.
05:32Well, you sure as hell not a comedian, pal.
05:34I'll see you later.
05:35Hey, that's not a door.
05:44Ahem.
05:45Hey.
05:46Hey.
05:46Uh, some creepy hipster dropped us off.
05:48Travis!
05:49Is he still outside?
05:50No, I, uh, think he had, uh, several calls to make.
05:53And he's not a creep.
05:54Hmm.
05:56Okay, well, I don't trust him.
05:57Okay.
05:59What's with the facial hair thing?
06:01I mean, he doesn't have a beard, but he's not clean shaven.
06:05Personally, I think you should pick one and go with it.
06:06Well, I kind of like his stuff.
06:08Don't worry, you'll like him.
06:10We should all go out and see his band sometime.
06:13All right.
06:18Hey, uh, kind of seemed like he had, uh, Greek features.
06:21Is he Greek?
06:22Travis Flynn.
06:24I don't think so.
06:26Yeah.
06:27Travis Flynn.
06:31You do realize once you kill this zombie,
06:33we're going to have to put her in the car,
06:35drive her all around town with us
06:37until we get to the precinct, right?
06:38You do know that.
06:40Yeah.
06:40So?
06:41What are you proposing?
06:43I'm saying,
06:44call Billy and Stu back on this one.
06:45Let them handle it.
06:47Unless these idiots here aren't going to tell on us, huh?
06:50Okay.
06:50John, John.
06:51I'll tell on you.
06:53Damn.
06:57What?
06:59She'll get it.
07:01Nice shot, girl.
07:02I hate when that happens.
07:03Why?
07:03She's just a zombie.
07:04I'm pretty sure she didn't feel no pain.
07:05No, I know.
07:06I just...
07:08I hate when I miss.
07:15Are you seriously not going to go get her?
07:17She's already in the garbage can, Carla.
07:19John, John, nobody's emptying the garbage cans.
07:22No.
07:25It's my birthday.
07:27I want that.
07:28That right there?
07:29Yes.
07:32Damn.
07:33Birthdays.
07:36It's my birthday, John, John.
07:38John, John, do this.
07:39Come on, John, John.
07:40John, John, do that.
07:41She stinks.
07:42Yeah, she's a zombie.
07:47Oh, she smells like fish and eggs.
07:53Open the door.
07:54Oh, no.
07:55I'm not riding back there with her leaning on me.
07:56Open the damn door.
07:57All right, no.
07:58Seriously, I get paid, like, less than in turn.
08:00So I'd rather just quit.
08:02Carla, pop the trunk.
08:26I knew it.
08:27What'd you know?
08:29There was a problem with that guy.
08:31Looks important.
08:31It is important.
08:32You have no idea what I'm doing.
08:34Uh-uh.
08:36Search Misha Barton upskirt.
08:38No, I'm doing police business right now.
08:43Oh, birds!
08:44Stop it.
08:45We're so mad!
08:46Fine.
08:48Misha Barton upskirt.
08:52Take the home.
08:565,000!
09:02Captain, seen Officer Landry around?
09:05She left with some half-beard and a Camaro.
09:08Did they say where they were going?
09:09They did not.
09:11Thanks, Captain.
09:12Stubek.
09:13Yeah.
09:14You think those two are, uh...
09:15I don't want to think about it.
09:17Neither do I.
09:18Entertaining and pure thoughts about Officer Landry weakens and cheapens all of us, and I will not stand for it.
09:23At least not on company time.
09:25We understand each other?
09:26I think so, Captain.
09:27Very well.
09:28Thanks.
09:30Stubek.
09:32Captain.
09:33I don't feel the same way about Rinaldi.
09:36Okay.
09:36I feel she can handle our demons.
09:39Uh.
09:40You're a man of the world?
09:41I live in Sherman Oaks.
09:43You know what I'm talking about, don't you?
09:44Honestly, I have no idea.
09:45Keep your guard up, soldier.
09:48Dismissed.
09:49Dismissed?
09:49Yes.
09:52Stubek.
09:54Yeah?
09:55Thank you for being there for me.
09:56Now and in the future.
09:59Dismissed.
10:01I feel like you're probably just gonna call my name again when I get a little ways away.
10:06Don't like being second-guessed.
10:08Dismissed.
10:09Really?
10:10Yes.
10:11See you on Monday.
10:12Stubek.
10:13Nope.
10:18Oh, my God.
10:19That was so good.
10:21Well, it wasn't sweet enough.
10:23Are you serious?
10:25Strawberry cake with maple syrup filling and powdered sugar on top?
10:29Close your eyes.
10:30What?
10:31Close your eyes.
10:32Trust me.
10:36Okay, open them.
10:38Happy birthday, partner.
10:41So, John.
10:42Huh?
10:46Oh, my God.
10:47John, John.
10:48This is a Rolex.
10:50Yeah.
10:51Where did you get this?
10:53You know, I got some people.
10:55But this is crazy expensive.
10:58Unless it's a knockoff.
10:59Which is totally cool, by the way.
11:02Is it a knockoff?
11:03No, of course I wouldn't do that to you.
11:05Look at the bling-bling on that thing.
11:09You stole this, didn't you?
11:10Why, because I'm black?
11:12You stole this off that lady zombie in the trunk.
11:14No.
11:15Yes.
11:17That zombie lady, she didn't need it.
11:18Plus, a Rolex is a terrible thing to waste.
11:20You gotta put this back on that zombie.
11:28I just wanted to get you something nice for your birthday, Carla.
11:30That's all.
11:31Well, I appreciate the gesture.
11:33Mm-hmm.
11:34But you can't just take a watch off a dead person, okay?
11:36Come on, it's like the worst karma ever.
11:39Okay.
11:45You, uh, you wanted to see me, Captain?
11:47Pierce, I ran those plates.
11:49You want to tell me what that's about?
11:51Honestly, I'd rather not.
11:52You're a good-looking man, Billy.
11:54Some might even say pretty.
11:56You got golden thread for hair and a mouth like a cut peach.
12:02But I am still your captain, and I asked you a question.
12:09I'm sorry, what was the question?
12:11I can't remember anymore.
12:15License plates.
12:16License plates.
12:16That's what I was asking about.
12:17Right.
12:18So, Stu Beck ID'd the driver as one of the vamps who jumped him outside the bar.
12:23Right now, I've been dying to get this piece of crap.
12:26Only thing is, I promised Stu I wouldn't go at it alone.
12:29Now, I wouldn't be breaking that promise if a certain someone decided to come with me.
12:33Now, would I?
12:34That's true.
12:37I'm talking about you, Captain.
12:39You should come with me.
12:41Oh, me?
12:42Yeah.
12:43Oh, great.
12:43Yeah.
12:44Why not?
12:45Let's do this.
12:46Let's kick some fan fast.
12:47Kick some fan fast.
12:48All right.
12:57So, I'm about a year out of college, right?
12:59Traveling through Amsterdam, right?
13:01That's right.
13:01And I'm coming out of this club, and this intense-looking Israeli man with a magician's mustache pulls up in
13:07a black Mercedes sedan.
13:09What?
13:09And he asked me if I want to go to a place in the red light district where they masturbate
13:14you with fur.
13:16Every time!
13:17Damn it!
13:18We don't care!
13:18Roger, Roger, we're on it.
13:20Roger.
13:21Hold on.
13:22Get back to your store.
13:23Mind you, now, this Israeli guy was a black belt in karate and the former keyboardist for Tears for Fears.
13:27Everybody wants to rule the world.
13:29Ain't that the truth?
13:34I knew I shouldn't have told Billy about that vamp.
13:39Hello?
13:41Billy, where are you?
13:43Who's this?
13:44It's Stubek, you moron.
13:46Nah, I'm just busting on you.
13:47This is Billy's voicemail.
13:48We can't take your call right now, so leave a message at the beep.
13:52Billy, that message is not funny, and I know what you're doing.
13:55I heard the APB you put out.
13:56If you don't call me, I'm telling Dashiell.
13:58And one of these times, I am going to tell Dashiell.
14:01I'm not going to tell Dashiell.
14:06That's his ride right there.
14:17It's empty.
14:26Is that him?
14:27Yeah, that's him.
14:29How the hell's he getting cell phone coverage out here?
14:32Big SOB.
14:33I don't know who his provider is.
14:34This guy's going to fight.
14:35We've got to hit him from behind.
14:37Maybe I'm just not using my roaming feature right now.
14:39Maybe UV or something.
14:40Hey, Pierce, can we focus on the massive vampire we got to take down, please?
14:44Yeah.
14:45Where'd he go?
14:47Ah, crap.
14:48Come on.
14:56Oh, shit.
14:59Okay.
15:01Marry Michelle Obama.
15:03Bang Sarah Palin.
15:04Well, that's interesting.
15:08Oh, my God.
15:12Oh, my God.
15:15Oh, my God.
15:15Oh, my God.
15:15Dude, it's a salvage dude.
15:16I ain't here to do with something.
15:17Your gun.
15:18Your gun.
15:18Shoot that thing.
15:19I won't shoot it.
15:19I won't shoot it.
15:20I'll shoot it.
15:20Stop doing it.
15:21John, I'm doing it.
15:22Oh, my God.
15:26Oh, my God.
15:27Oh, my God, Lee.
15:28Where'd you get those vocals?
15:29I'm sorry.
15:30I got scared.
15:31I thought you shot her in the first place.
15:32I did.
15:33Obviously, you didn't, Carla.
15:34I shot it twice, all right?
15:36She's still moving.
15:39I definitely shot it the second time.
15:48Oh.
15:49You didn't put the watch back on her, did you?
15:57I'm serious.
15:58The world's going to end in 2012.
16:00If you don't believe me, rent the movie.
16:09Hey, are you okay?
16:12Travis, what's wrong?
16:13I'm good.
16:13I'm good.
16:13I'm good.
16:14What was I saying?
16:15I was like, ah.
16:17Jesus.
16:18What's going on?
16:20Travis, pull over.
16:22Oh, my God.
16:23If you're a werewolf and he didn't tell me, I'm going to f***ing kill you.
16:26Jesus.
16:28Travis.
16:30Oh, my God.
16:36Oh, my God.
16:49Oh, my God.
16:50Oh, my God.
16:52Oh, my God.
16:53Oh, my God.
16:54Oh, my God.
16:56Oh, my God.
16:56I'm shooting your face, let it go, take back.
17:02Hey!
17:25Billy, doobie!
17:40Look at this piece of ****! Get up!
17:43Come on, Chad! Get up on your feet!
17:45Let's try this again, huh? You ready?
17:56Brian! Brian!
18:03Brian!
18:19Travis, stop! You don't have to do this, okay? Just breathe! You don't know what you're doing!
18:24Everything's gonna be okay!
18:37Told you I didn't trust that guy.
18:41You okay? You hit your head or anything?
18:42Uh, no, I'm okay.
18:47How did you find me?
18:49Put on an APB. Pretty simple, really.
18:52You know, it's crazy.
18:54He actually asked me if it was my time of the month.
18:57I don't want to discuss your womanly, uh...
18:59Well, I guess now would be a good time for you to lecture me about the kind of guys that
19:06I date.
19:06No, no, no, no. You're a big girl.
19:09Although, come on.
19:10That guy didn't pass the smell test.
19:12He actually smelled kind of great.
19:14Not what I'm talking about.
19:16I've seen the type a million times.
19:19Let me guess.
19:20No steady job.
19:22Bad Mouse's parents.
19:24Super controlling.
19:25Never has money. Always wants you to pay.
19:30I was supposed to buy him a guitar on Saturday.
19:34Oh, I hate him.
19:51Alright.
20:01Let's go.
20:01Let's go.
20:25Hey, you know what I love about these look-see cameras?
20:27You can check your nostril.
20:28Stop it!
20:30Officer Rinaldi will go undercover as a vamp hooker.
20:35I'm going to take this gun and I'm going to shoot him in his face.
20:38I need a rope.
20:40It's a vamp.
20:41Actually, he's kind of a tool.
20:45You know, you might be developmentally challenged.
21:22I'm going to take this gun and I'm going to shoot this gun.
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