- 1 day ago
S01E03 >>> https://dai.ly/xafozqe
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00:00So the bears tested great with the under sixes, but not so well with the 8-12s.
00:06So we're going to go with the tangerine elastic and the peach sorbet base.
00:13Sorry.
00:15And we were thinking a lime green elastic to match the avocado.
00:20That looks like a vagina.
00:23It's an avocado.
00:24I don't think anyone's ever confused an avocado with a vagina.
00:28No, it's just a hole between two curblets.
00:32Moving on.
00:33So we're going to do two versions of this.
00:35One with streamers, one without.
00:37Party time. Party time.
00:39Sorry, are you joking?
00:41Have a party in my pants.
00:43Oh, hello.
00:45I'm six, but if you'd like to party in my pants, that's fine.
00:49Why do we even bother making pants?
00:51You know, they could just hang upside down on the monkey bars with their hoo-hahs hanging out.
00:55Do you need a second, Alice?
00:57No.
00:58I'm good.
01:01And if we do go with the bears, we might go a bit lighter on the bear fur, though.
01:06Even a hot pink.
01:07Because people felt this was a bit too brown-brown.
01:11I'll be right back.
01:12Sorry.
01:21Hi, Al.
01:22I'm so sorry.
01:23You are a piggy-eyed, big-nosed, ugly fucking pedo loser.
01:31And I hope you fall out of your fucking window and get pierced in the heart by your railing.
01:37And that no-one comes to your funeral.
01:50Which one of these says, sorry, I had sex with your daughter?
01:54Yeah, maybe you should just write a letter.
01:57A letter?
01:58A letter.
01:58Oh, God.
01:59There's a lot of space to fill with a letter.
02:01You could use bubble writing.
02:02Anything?
02:04You're terrible people.
02:05No.
02:06No, I'm a terrible person.
02:08But it's not like I'm 16.
02:09I'm 26.
02:11Half my age.
02:11I've had tons of sex already.
02:13Wow.
02:13That sounds really bad.
02:15I've not had like an insane amount of sex.
02:18I've just, I've had a regular amount of sex.
02:23I'll be sure to mention that in the letter.
02:52There's some food left over if you want some.
02:54I already ate.
02:55Thanks.
03:00Okay.
03:02I know what I did was bad.
03:03And I'm so sorry.
03:05But can we at least talk about it?
03:10I'm just waiting till I'm a little less angry.
03:16Um, this is from Steve.
03:21For you.
03:42It was your best friend until a few weeks ago.
03:46Daniel is ten years younger than you, so it's not that different.
03:50I'm just going to wait.
03:57Okay.
03:59Look, Mum, I know you're angry and you have every right to be.
04:05And if you hate it, we'll stop. You will.
04:10But we really like each other. Genuinely.
04:16And you're my favourite person in the world.
04:20So, can you just forgive me, please, Mum?
04:25Hmm.
04:32Okay.
04:38Okay.
04:44Good night.
04:46Good night.
04:56I want to push her tiny hand into the disposal unit.
05:03Can I maim her?
05:06No.
05:07You know, if I tell them they can't see each other, she'll revel in the drama, don't you?
05:12It'll be like Romeo and Juliet.
05:14Oh, alas, if only men could have been together, it would have been the greatest love story I've ever known
05:19to mind.
05:20I'm so sorry.
05:26I blame her father.
05:30Stupid dogshit weasel of a man.
05:32He didn't know the difference between right and wrong, either.
05:34I'm not sure you can blame a man you only had sex with twice.
05:37What do you think they even talk about?
05:39I have no idea.
05:40I mean, can you imagine her going for dinner in Richmond and going to bed at 9.45?
05:46What?
05:46Him going to parties and hanging out with Trey and Zuli.
06:01Issy, can I come in?
06:06Um...
06:09You're right.
06:12We can't just ignore this.
06:14It's happening.
06:14Um, so we might as well accept it.
06:21Really?
06:24Yep.
06:26Mum, thank you.
06:28It's really generous of you.
06:30And in the spirit of generosity, I think you should invite him for dinner.
06:38What?
06:41It's not too soon.
06:42No.
06:44I think we should rip the band-aid off.
06:46Just normalise it as quickly as possible.
06:54You should invite some of your friends, too.
06:56It'll make it less uncomfortable.
07:07Good.
07:08With that confident fingering.
07:18Oh, sorry, I just need to make a phone call.
07:29Hey.
07:30Everything okay?
07:31I'm actually just in a lesson.
07:32I'm buying food for tonight.
07:34What do you feed a man who's fucked your daughter?
07:37Yeah.
07:38Um...
07:39I'll make a lasagna.
07:41Okay.
07:41Or something.
07:42Yeah.
07:43Yeah.
07:43All right, gotta go.
07:44Okay, bye.
07:47Sorry about that.
07:48Um, okay, let's go again.
07:49Great.
07:50Great.
07:54Sorry to interrupt.
07:55Hey.
07:55I was just wondering whether you wanted to come on the Antwerp Orchestra trip.
07:58Miss Garstang can't come because of her fibroids.
08:01Uh, sorry, I don't do trips.
08:03Why not?
08:05Uh, should we talk about this another time?
08:07Well, Vivit doesn't care.
08:08Do you, Vivit?
08:13I'm...
08:14I'm the main caregiver at home, so...
08:17Well, so it's two nights.
08:19Can she not manage two nights?
08:20She works.
08:21You work?
08:23Uh, she's the main breadwinner, so...
08:26Does she make you sleep in a dungeon chained to the wall with a ball gag in your mouth as
08:29well?
08:36Okay, well...
08:38Um...
08:38If you change your mind, let me know.
08:40It's time to...
08:46Right.
08:47Uh, let's...
08:48Let's...
08:48Let's go again.
09:05It's gonna be fine.
09:07Exactly.
09:08Perfectly normal to date your mum's best friend.
09:13Hello!
09:19Is he here yet?
09:20No, not yet, Mum.
09:25Oh, I was so sorry to hear about Janice.
09:29It's Janice, and I'm glad he's gone.
09:32Thanks, Granny.
09:33Nice to see you.
09:37Oh, it's Steve.
09:39I'm gonna go pick him up.
09:41He knows his way here.
09:42He's been here a thousand times.
09:43Yeah, I know.
09:44I know.
09:44I just like to pick him up.
09:46That's all.
09:50Isn't this all terribly exciting?
10:02You do realise this is probably a trap.
10:05Or she could be trying to work it out.
10:08Yeah.
10:09Yeah.
10:10No, you're right.
10:11This is definitely a trap.
10:13Yeah.
10:15Do you think Daniel's gonna punch me?
10:18Right.
10:19As if Daniel would ever punch anyone.
10:24Maybe we could show her that this is a good thing.
10:26I like her best friend.
10:27And how nice that she already really, really loves the guy I'm dating.
10:31Hmm.
10:33Yeah.
10:35Okay.
10:38You nervous?
10:40Yeah.
10:43Terrified.
10:44Okay.
10:47She's very busy.
10:51What?
10:52Emily.
10:52Yeah.
10:53Oh, good.
10:53Did you think I was talking about this?
11:00God, he is so old.
11:03He looks like my dad.
11:08Hiya.
11:09Darling.
11:10Does that mean that I'm in with a chance too?
11:13You could do all three generations.
11:17How wonderfully French of you.
11:21Lovely to see you again, Val.
11:23Oh, afternoon.
11:35I'm so, so sorry.
11:37Hmm.
11:41It's so thoughtful.
11:48Why don't you go and join the kids?
11:53I don't want you to think that I don't know how bad this is.
12:01I'll do whatever it takes to get us back to us.
12:04There's wine in the fridge.
12:13Do you want some?
12:14No, thank you.
12:16Uh, yes, uh, do you want some wine?
12:20Yes, please.
12:27Hiya, I'm Steve.
12:28Uh, Zuli.
12:31Trey.
12:31Hi.
12:32And...
12:33Nelson.
12:34Nelson.
12:34Oh, cool.
12:36Just fisting each other.
12:39Fist bumping.
12:40Fist bumping.
12:44How do you guys know each other?
12:46School.
12:48School.
12:51Cool.
12:53Cool.
12:58Dinner!
13:01Right.
13:02Steve, why don't you sit at the top of the table with Trey and Zuli.
13:08Nelson, you go on Trey's other side.
13:11Daniel will go on Zuli's.
13:13Mum, you go next to Nelson.
13:15Lovely.
13:15Izzy, you're next to Dan.
13:17And then Dom and Rome, you're at the end here with me.
13:20Nelson.
13:23Oh.
13:24Hi.
13:24Wow.
13:26So, does this mean that you two are an item?
13:29No.
13:30Mum?
13:32Sorry.
13:33Older people seem to be really interested in defining things.
13:36When you're young, you realise that life is fluid and defining something only limits it.
13:41Mm.
13:42Aw.
13:45So sweet.
13:46Nice.
13:49Good.
13:50Really good.
13:52So, Trey, haven't you just graduated from medical school?
13:58Yeah.
13:59What was your specialty?
14:01Surgery.
14:02Wow.
14:03Yeah.
14:04Surgery.
14:05Oh, gosh.
14:06That's very impressive.
14:09Are you seeing anyone?
14:10Uh, yeah.
14:11Yeah, I am.
14:12She's a junior doctor, so it means we only get about 15 minutes together a week.
14:16But it's so lovely that, um, you'll be in the same profession.
14:19It's such a lot of common ground.
14:22Yeah.
14:24Yeah, no, it's really nice.
14:28Steve, what did you study at university?
14:30I didn't go to uni, actually.
14:33I, um, had already gotten into the whole hair thing.
14:37Yeah, and it's so much better to have a trade.
14:39Like, I don't see why anyone still goes to uni.
14:41There are probably more psychologists than there are patients.
14:44So, um, yeah, I wish I had a proper, proper technical skill.
14:49How did you get into hairdressing?
14:52Hairstyling.
14:53Oh, my God.
14:55Mmm.
14:58My mum gave me a terrible haircut.
15:00I was meant to be going on my first date and she literally did the bowl thing, you know.
15:05Put a bowl on my head and then trace around the shape of the bowl.
15:09But she misjudged the size of the bowl.
15:12Too small a bowl.
15:14And, uh, I ended up looking like a medieval monk.
15:16Not a hot monk, just a monk.
15:19I had to fix it.
15:20Or be shamed forever.
15:22But after that, um, all the other boys wanted the Steve haircut.
15:31Steve's father, oh, he hates that he cuts hair.
15:35He thinks he's gay.
15:36Mum, you can't say that.
15:38Sorry, Steve.
15:39What?
15:40No, it's true.
15:42Look, I met his dad.
15:44Well, tons of times.
15:46Because, you know, when we were going out with each other.
15:52He was an utter dick.
15:55No, Steve hated him too, didn't you?
15:58God, he was always so worried about his mum.
16:00I mean, that's why he never got married.
16:01Mum?
16:02Christ.
16:03What?
16:04He did get married.
16:05To Nancy.
16:07Remember?
16:08I meant successfully.
16:16Christ, you know, I've forgotten to get it.
16:17I'll get any dessert.
16:18I'll be right back.
16:19I'll help you.
16:20What?
16:20Hang on.
16:21No.
16:22You haven't finished your first course yet.
16:24It's okay, though.
16:24You don't want to.
16:25I'll help.
16:31I'm sorry about all of this, Daniel.
16:36I really like her, though.
16:38I like her very much.
16:39Which one?
16:41Easy.
16:47Get the multi-pack of mini magnums.
16:50Yeah.
16:51So you've got more choice.
16:57How long have you liked her?
17:00It just happened.
17:01You weren't thinking about her when we had a holiday in Portugal and all those Christmases in Norfolk?
17:07God, no.
17:07No.
17:09Never.
17:13Please.
17:17Hello.
17:20Hello.
17:22Hello.
17:24It's 2375.
17:37Hello.
17:39Hello.
17:41Hello.
17:41I think it's beautiful.
17:43Speaking of.
17:44Oh.
17:45Oh.
17:46God.
17:47You went.
17:48You went.
17:48You went.
17:49I said, oh, that was interesting.
17:51And then you thought.
17:51Well.
17:52Hi.
17:53Hi.
17:54Hi, Lizzie.
17:56Your granny likes a drink.
17:57Yeah.
18:05He's great, isn't he?
18:07What do you think?
18:08Yeah.
18:08Do you like him?
18:09Yeah, he's really nice.
18:14He's probably just been nervous, really, isn't he?
18:17Yeah.
18:17He would be nervous if he'd fucked your girlfriend's mum.
18:20Shut up.
18:21Sorry.
18:36Don't be too upset, darling.
18:39It's what men have done since the beginning of time.
18:42Your father was the same.
18:45Why can't you just be sympathetic?
18:47Why'd you also have to make a joke?
18:48It's not a joke, mum.
18:50She's not some random young woman.
18:53She's my daughter.
18:54And Steve's not your husband.
18:58He's your ex-boyfriend, who's probably been in love with you for ages.
19:02And is this the closest thing he can get?
19:05I'm a younger model.
19:07I mean, if anything, it's a compliment, darling.
19:12It's not a compliment.
19:13It's disgusting.
19:16Male desire can be very blinding.
19:23Ooh, goody.
19:24Magnums.
19:41Let's play Trivial Pursuit.
19:43Oh.
19:45Um, I might sit this one out.
19:47Oh.
19:48I'm terrible at Trivial Pursuit.
19:49I can never remember anything.
19:50Can't forget things you never knew.
19:54Let's play in pairs.
20:00Geography or history?
20:03You choose.
20:05History.
20:07In what year in England in the 1970s were the lights turned off?
20:12I can never get these English ones.
20:14I want to say 74.
20:1774.
20:1872?
20:19It was because of the miners' strike.
20:21Oh.
20:22It's so unbelievable that you all just used coal all the time.
20:25It's like, how do people not know?
20:28Steve doesn't believe in recycling.
20:31How do you not believe in recycling?
20:33No, I...
20:33I...
20:34I believe in recycling.
20:36You always say that it costs more money to recycle than to not.
20:39No, no, no, no, no.
20:40I think recycling's very cool.
20:43I...
20:44I...
20:44I...
20:44What I may have said at one time was that sometimes it feels a little redundant when China's not doing
20:51anything.
20:51Oof.
20:52That's a bit racist.
20:53No, no, he didn't mean it like that.
20:55Just because it's a...
20:56Who's out of ten is it now?
20:57Who's out of ten is it now?
20:58Who's out of ten is it?
20:58Oh, it's us.
20:59Is it...
21:00Is it racist?
21:01Is it racist?
21:01I don't know.
21:03Right.
21:04Entertainment.
21:07I don't think it was racist.
21:09What Oscar upset shocked the world in 2017?
21:16Uh...
21:16Uh...
21:17First female...
21:19First female director.
21:21They announced the wrong film.
21:23La La Land thought they got it, but it was actually Moonlight.
21:27Moonlight's a classic.
21:29Can it be a classic?
21:31Yeah.
21:32I love that film.
21:33So good.
21:35Steve walked out.
21:36Said it felt like a student film.
21:38I did not walk out.
21:39I loved Moonlight.
21:41I was crying.
21:42Steve's favourite film is, um...
21:44What?
21:44Husbands and Wives.
21:46He loves Woody Allen.
21:47Ooh.
21:49What?
21:50Steve thinks he's innocent.
21:51Uh...
21:52Hold on.
21:53What...
21:53No.
21:54No.
21:54No.
21:55I never said that.
21:56I never said that.
21:57I said that we can't know for sure if he's guilty.
22:01That's different.
22:02You never know what's going on in people's personal lives.
22:05And the press can distort stories.
22:07So that's all I said.
22:08It's your turn.
22:09It's your turn now.
22:11Oh.
22:11Yeah.
22:15Science and nature.
22:17Yeah.
22:17How can you love Woody Allen?
22:22Well...
22:23His films are great.
22:24You know, Annie Hall and Husbands and Wives.
22:28No.
22:28I've never seen any of them.
22:31You guys must have seen Woody Allen films.
22:33No.
22:34Fuck no.
22:39Disgusting.
22:42Okay.
22:43Okay.
22:44I just want to be clear.
22:46Um...
22:46I have worked with some celebrities and I've seen firsthand how the press can distort a story.
22:52Like what?
22:52Well, I'm not going to bring any up, but I see it all the time.
22:56No.
22:57Come on.
22:57Give us an example.
23:05Okay.
23:07If I tell you this, you may never, ever, ever repeat it.
23:13Because Celia Mills is the nicest person I've ever met.
23:16She's an inspiring woman.
23:18Who's Celia Mills?
23:19Oh, she's the, you know, the villain in the James Bond film?
23:22The one with the muscle arm.
23:22Yeah, she was in the Spike Jones video.
23:24Yeah.
23:24She was dancing at the petrol station.
23:25You'd recognize her.
23:26You'd recognize her.
23:27So a while back there was a thing in the press where Celia didn't stand when Cate Blanchett
23:34won the BAFTA and they all said it was jealousy.
23:37Yeah.
23:38It wasn't jealousy.
23:42I could tell something was wrong immediately.
23:43The camera was close on her face because she was also a nominee.
23:48Her face was sort of contorted into this twisted smile.
24:00She wasn't jealous.
24:04She'd shat herself.
24:07She'd eaten a dodgy prawn mousse at the nominee's lunch.
24:10I rushed in with a towel.
24:12Oh.
24:13Covered her up.
24:14We made out like she'd torn her dress.
24:16It was a mess.
24:17It was a mess.
24:18She was mortified.
24:19I was the only person who knew.
24:22I've never told anyone this.
24:24Wait, wait.
24:25Who else do you do?
24:26Don't.
24:27Don't.
24:27Amy of Sex Education.
24:29Dua Lipa.
24:30Jessie J.
24:31Charlie XCX.
24:32Anyone with letters has a name.
24:34But cutting someone's hair is, it's a really intimate thing.
24:39You know?
24:41I feel like they've given me their trust in what I try to give them back.
24:47It's just the confidence in themselves to get up there and do what they dreamed of doing.
24:55You know, it's not just, it's not just as liberties.
24:59It's the same for the, for the homeless people who are help out on the weekends.
25:02With the grooming stuff.
25:04If I can give someone just a little bit of self-confidence.
25:09A little bit of self-respect that the world is constantly trying to take from them.
25:14Sorry.
25:15Sorry.
25:22Sorry.
25:23I just have to borrow Steve for a moment.
25:25Um, it won't be long, so just carry on without us.
25:36They loved you.
25:37I knew they would.
25:39Oh, where are we going?
25:40No, we have to go, we have to go down.
25:42We have to go down.
25:43We have to go down.
25:46Sorry.
25:47Because you are so attractive, it is a medical imperative that I kiss you right now.
25:54We should go back down.
25:55Mum will be going out of wine.
25:57She can wait.
25:58She just put the whole evening belittling you, I think.
26:02It's only fair that we torture her a little bit.
26:14In Egyptian hieroglyphs, the symbol of the decorated eye most commonly depicts the eye of which god?
26:21Um, Horus, son of Osiris and Isis.
26:24That's absolutely correct.
26:26You know everything.
26:28I know. I do.
26:30What number am I thinking of?
26:33Seven.
26:33Seven.
26:44Here we go.
26:47Edison's electric pen became the inspiration for which modern day tool?
26:54The tattoo gun?
26:56Yeah.
27:00Sorry, um, are you both completely fucking stupid?
27:03So, um, you honestly think it's okay to go, to go upstairs and have sex?
27:12Mum.
27:12In my house?
27:14We didn't.
27:15She's only sleeping with you.
27:16Because she got dumped two minutes ago.
27:18She clearly has some weird daddy complex about her absent father.
27:23I don't...
27:23And he's only sleeping with you.
27:25Because he's a sad old man.
27:27And you probably remind him of me, which is...
27:31Oh, fuck it.
27:34Wow.
27:41Wow, that's really lovely, Mum.
27:43Thanks.
27:44So there's nothing he likes about me.
27:49Okay.
27:50Let's go.
27:51Let's just...
27:51Yeah.
27:55He's not...
27:55He's not even good at sex.
27:58Let's...
27:58No, let's...
27:58That's why I broke up with him.
28:00Yeah, but...
28:00Because he was shit in bed.
28:03He's amazing at sex.
28:04I love having sex with him.
28:05Let's...
28:05Let's all calm down.
28:06Phew.
28:07Daniel to the rescue.
28:08Oh, why didn't I think of that?
28:10What we need to do...
28:11Is not say...
28:13Or do...
28:15Anything at all.
28:16Oh, that's perfect.
28:18Everyone's upset.
28:20And...
28:20And...
28:20Oh, you...
28:22Coward!
28:22Daniel!
28:23Why are you saying anything?
28:24Oh, what?
28:25Because she's not your kid.
28:26She doesn't count.
28:39You are such a bitch.
28:45Thank you for having us.
28:46Yes, thank you so much.
28:48I think I'm gonna go as well.
28:49I'll...
28:50I'll walk you.
28:51Don't.
28:51I'm fine.
28:53You stay.
28:55Thanks, Mum.
28:58That was...
28:59Really great.
29:04Well...
29:14That was incredibly mean.
29:19Now sometimes, Alice, your impulsivity is so selfish.
29:23It's...
29:24It's like you don't realise the rest of us are making any effort at all.
29:30I've been invited to go on a school trip to Antwerp.
29:34I think I'm going to go.
29:52No.
29:53Yes.
29:57No.
30:10No.
30:10Yes.
30:17Time to go.
30:18Here is the new clip of Nat cup.
30:18It's right.
30:18It's right to creat.
30:18I know io, but it's very Open.
30:18You Rouge!
30:22Not in late.
30:45Hi, Olive.
30:47Hi, Jane.
30:48Sorry to call so late.
30:50I just wondered, are you still working on the news desk?
30:56I've got a celebrity story for you.
31:20What is it good for?
31:22Absolutely not.
31:23Listen to me.
31:26I despise.
31:28Cause it means destruction of innocent lives.
31:34War means tears.
31:36The thousands of mothers have.
31:38When their sons go up to fight.
31:41And lose their mind.
31:41Are you still working on it?
31:41And lose their money.
31:41I hope you see your world peace.
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