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00:18You
00:35This isn't murder, it's an execution.
01:06Fall in love with someone you should not fall in love with.
01:13Come on, come on!
01:30You make me feel underneath and I'm in love with.
01:44Come on, Ben!
01:47Come on, Ben!
01:49Come on, Ben!
02:09Excuse me, I'm looking for Connor.
02:12I think he's up on the roof.
02:13On the Bishop Street side.
02:16Thanks.
02:17Right, Josh.
02:19Cheers.
02:37How's you getting?
02:38I was just passing.
02:39How's it going?
02:40You're passing ten floors up.
02:41How's that happen?
02:42There's no jobs, Clive.
02:43I've got nothing.
02:44Yeah, I was just wondering because, you know, I've found myself free.
02:47I don't need you.
02:48You can do anything.
02:50Where's that lad who used to work for you?
02:51Yeah.
02:52Francis, where's he now?
02:53I got rid of him.
02:54I'll tell you where he is.
02:55He's working for Ashbury's.
02:57And do you know what?
02:57He's happy.
02:59Proper little smiler he is.
03:00Not when he was with you.
03:01He was miserable as sin.
03:03Because you bullied him.
03:04Night and day.
03:05He was useless.
03:05He was good, Clive.
03:06You stamped on him.
03:07I said, no, I don't have any jobs.
03:09Because no-one likes working with you.
03:11You're the fucking misery, truth be told.
03:13Will you employ a ride, Josh?
03:14Yes, I will.
03:15What's wrong with him?
03:18He just works with shorts over your hair, but I don't like-
03:21Well, if you do-
03:22I won't.
03:22But there is something.
03:24You can tell your lot I said thanks.
03:27What do you mean?
03:27I've been on sites like these since I was 16 years old.
03:30And I saved Clive.
03:32Saved like a dog right from the start.
03:34Because I thought I'd like a nice life one day.
03:36Just me and the missus nice little life.
03:37And I got one.
03:38Tiny little farmhouse.
03:40It was a wreck, but I'd done it up.
03:42Ten years it took me.
03:43Now it's all done.
03:44My retirement all set up.
03:47Except I can go there for 90 days.
03:49That's all.
03:50Just 90 sodding days.
03:52Because it's in France, isn't it?
03:5490 days and I've got to go home, thanks to your lot.
03:57Now I'm voting leave.
03:59For you.
04:00Piss off.
04:01Bye.
04:36I can pay you 120 a day.
04:38You can do bar work for that.
04:40But I'm paying two wages, sick pay for bugs and now his replacement.
04:43I can give you six days and that's it.
05:04Do you mind not eating in the hall?
05:07Eh?
05:08It's like a DOS house.
05:09Some of us have got to live here.
05:12Are you going to be turning the electric off again?
05:15You should have got a letter.
05:16I did.
05:16And I read it.
05:17And it was a photocopy.
05:18It wasn't specific to this place.
05:20So, I don't trust you for a second.
05:27Diane.
05:29Flat five.
05:33Clive.
05:35See you Clive.
05:37See you Clive.
05:47Patrol!
05:49Please stop!
05:50Stop!
05:50Stop!
05:51Yeah!
05:54100 pounds in the bank.
05:58Right.
05:58Your second go.
06:00Good luck.
06:03Please.
06:04Please.
06:15That's what I like to see.
06:17Hard at work.
06:20Where's your little mates?
06:22Oh, you know what it's like.
06:23Same old story.
06:24New job across town and off they go.
06:27If I was in charge, I wouldn't allow it.
06:30Oh, so...
06:31So you're not the boss then?
06:33No, not me, no.
06:35If I was running this, I'd be finished by now.
06:39Well...
06:40That would be a shame.
06:43So, packed his stuff, chucked him out.
06:45That wasn't the end of it though, because he'd left all these bills unpaid.
06:49I found them!
06:51He'd stuffed them away, hidden them like a squirrel.
06:54There was council tax, electricity, some of them going back months.
06:58I said, what's all this?
06:59He said, I just panic.
07:01I said, what do you mean you just panic?
07:04He said, it's me dyslexia.
07:06Oh God, I bet it, yeah.
07:08That's just a bloody excuse, isn't it?
07:10That's what I said.
07:11You know, there's no such thing as dyslexia.
07:13Oh my God, that's exactly what I said.
07:15I've been saying that to him for years.
07:17It's just a fraud, you know, it's like this billion dollar industry.
07:20Oh my God, you are like a voice in the wilderness.
07:23This is too good to be true.
07:25Come on, tell me, is there a Mrs Clive, eh?
07:29Because there is, isn't there?
07:31Yeah, yeah, Marie.
07:34Been married 24 years.
07:36Two boys, Saul and George.
07:38Old fashioned names?
07:40Yeah.
07:42And how are you, you and Marie?
07:45Yeah, we're okay.
07:48Well, both a bit knackered.
07:53I'm in the bad books.
07:57I've been for a very long time.
08:02Why?
08:08Go easy, it cost me a door.
08:13I just, er, I just made a mistake, you know.
08:16So we went on holiday to Scarborough, to this, erm, caravan park.
08:21And, er, there was this woman, cos, erm, they had this restaurant,
08:25well, it was like a cafe thing and she worked there.
08:28Patricia.
08:29Patricia.
08:29Yeah, listen, er, it's just been a long time since anyone fancied me
08:33and Patricia, she was like, she was looking, you know, and I kinda...
08:36Well, to be fair, I was puzzled.
08:38Get to the point.
08:39Well, I slept with her.
08:44And just one night they had this barbecue and, erm,
08:50Marie found out and kaboom, you know, that was it.
08:55Never forgiven, to this day.
08:57And I mean never, ever forgiven.
08:59I mean never.
09:04And I've paid the price for that, to this sudden day I have.
09:07Huh.
09:08How did she find out?
09:10Erm, well, I told her.
09:13Well, what did you do that for?
09:17Well, I've let me lessen now, haven't I?
09:22So you won't tell her next time?
09:27No.
09:32There's a little Italian, Bollamore Road.
09:35Friday night they do two courses for 15 quid.
09:38Fancy it?
09:43Ummm.
09:44Straight to the jour saclay Paul.
09:44Oh.
09:45Oh.
09:47Oh.
09:52Oh.
09:53Oh, oh, oh.
09:54Oh, oh, oh, oh.
10:00Hiya, I'm Arthur.
10:01Tell Stuart I said hello.
10:31Let's go.
10:47Let's go.
11:02Let's go.
11:04Let's go.
11:05Let's go.
11:07Let's go.
11:08Let's go.
11:08Oh, you don't mind, do you?
11:10No.
11:10Girlfriend?
11:11Yeah.
11:11It's my girlfriend.
11:13She's gone.
11:14She's very excited.
11:15Let's go.
11:16Let's go.
11:17What's up?
11:17Oh, how's up?
11:21Awe.
11:24She says thanks.
11:26I'm sorry.
11:28I'm sorry.
11:32Okay.
11:35Okay.
11:41Let's see, sir.
11:46Oh, okay.
11:49Ah, thank you.
11:50Oh, okay.
11:50Oh, thank you.
11:54Ah, thank you.
11:55Ah, thank you.
12:00Yeah.
12:04Ah, okay.
12:06Wahhh.
12:14Oh, cuz!
12:16Hey, hey, hey.
12:18Oh, cuz-
12:40You're not allowed to take your tips.
12:41Buy us something.
12:44Thank you very much.
12:46You give me ten pounds, you know, for you.
12:48Oh, that's so nice.
12:52Yeah, nice guy, honey.
13:09Well, you didn't stand me up.
13:10That's a good sign.
13:13You look smart.
13:15I was going to make a bit more of an effort,
13:18but Christine phoned just as I got in,
13:20and I said, not now, Christine, but she wouldn't stop.
13:23Right, because I wanted to say, um...
13:26I think I should make it clear
13:29that there's not going to be any sex, you know, so...
13:33Who said there was?
13:34No one. There's no...
13:35Let me sit down, for fuck's sake.
13:43I just think I should explain.
13:45Um, because with Patricia,
13:48that was the woman in the caravan park.
13:50Yeah, yeah, I know who she is.
13:50Yeah, well, I didn't sleep with her.
13:56Okay.
13:57I mean, there was a moment, you know.
13:58I mean, she was...
13:59She was looking all the time.
14:01I mean, Marie noticed.
14:02She said, look, she's looking,
14:03and there was this big barbecue thing,
14:06but I didn't...
14:07Nothing happened.
14:08We...
14:10did not.
14:12And what do you want, eh?
14:14A medal?
14:15Just think you should know, that's all.
14:17Then why did you say you did?
14:23Because it would make her cross.
14:25Who?
14:26Marie.
14:26Your wife?
14:27Yeah.
14:28Hang on.
14:29You didn't just tell me you slept with Patricia,
14:32you told your wife you slept with Patricia,
14:34when you didn't.
14:36Yeah.
14:36You made it all up?
14:38You lied to your wife?
14:40For how long?
14:41Well,
14:42you know, only six years.
14:44She's been punishing you
14:45for six years for nothing.
14:49Does she know now?
14:50Have you told her?
14:51Does she know the truth?
14:52No.
14:53Jesus Christ, Clive.
14:55I mean,
14:56Jesus Christ.
14:58Why did you lie in the first place?
15:00Because
15:02I thought it would make me look, um...
15:07What?
15:11Sexy.
15:22Well,
15:24I will say
15:26it was the most interesting thing about you.
15:30Don't say anything.
15:32Don't make a fuss.
15:36Don't do that to me.
15:37No.
15:37Oh, my God.
16:34So, what happened?
16:37Just, um, nothing much.
16:41Stuart's really boring since he got that job,
16:43and Brody's got work tomorrow, so...
16:48Who are the boys?
16:50Out.
16:55Still, um...
16:58Friday night.
17:19I was thinking, the boys.
17:23You said we'd wait till they were old enough and then split up,
17:26but it's not going to work, is it?
17:28We can't afford it, Clive.
17:30Either I leave or you leave, and I can't afford a flat, can you?
17:36I'm trying to get more work, aren't I?
17:38I'm not having a go.
17:40Then what?
17:45Well, it could be years till the boys leave home.
17:49Soul's showing no sign, and even if George goes to university,
17:52they go, and then they come back.
17:54That's what happens these days.
17:57So...
17:59So, I'm saying that we stay like this,
18:04living here.
18:05It's not so bad.
18:08But I don't think it's bad at all.
18:14Well, it is, if you don't mind my saying so.
18:18But if we accept it,
18:20and all right, yes, okay, I will stop having a go at you,
18:25then we'd be okay.
18:28We could stop pretending.
18:32At what?
18:36This.
18:38We could stop this.
18:43Oh, okay, yeah.
18:46It's about time.
18:47Is it?
18:48I don't need it.
18:49I'm fine.
18:52And I know men like to have their little bit of fun.
18:55God knows you'll prove it.
18:57But you could finish yourself off.
18:59You do it anyway.
19:01If you're 20 minutes in the bathroom,
19:03the boys say you're having a wank.
19:04Jesus.
19:05Well, aren't you?
19:06Marie.
19:11I just think it would help if we stopped planning for things that are never going to happen.
19:19Because I dream of it, Clive.
19:23A little flat all on my own.
19:26Tiny little garden.
19:29Window and the sunlight,
19:31so Mum can come and sit with me.
19:38It's never going to happen, is it?
19:44So, what, we just stay like this forever, do we?
19:54No, one of us will die in the end.
19:55No, one of us will die in the end.
20:29No, one of us will die.
20:30No, one of us will die in the end.
20:32No, one of us will die in the end.
20:47Can't we?
20:50No, we just stay like this,
20:51Wait.
20:51Oh, my God.
21:02You in tonight?
21:04Foxy Matty in.
21:06All right, I'm just...
21:13How's your project?
21:15What project?
21:16American Civil Rights.
21:18What grade did you get?
21:19I don't know.
21:20But you do know.
21:20Come on, what grade did you get?
21:23A B.
21:27Can't you work a bit harder?
21:29What did you get in school then?
21:30No, go on.
21:31What grade did you get?
21:32All right.
21:34So, tell me about it.
21:36About what?
21:37American Civil Rights.
21:39Yeah, come on, educate me.
21:41What for?
21:41That's all I know.
21:42But what for?
21:46Because your mum thinks we should talk more,
21:48but she doesn't see it.
21:53Fuckin' insolence on your face when you talk to me.
22:06All right.
22:07Sorry, I know.
22:08I've locked myself out.
22:09I was just putting something in the bin and then click.
22:14Come on, give us your key then.
22:16You said you had a spare key.
22:17You might as well give it to me, mate.
22:19What's your alarm code?
22:21Er, okay.
22:221502.
22:241502.
22:25Remember, George?
22:261502.
22:27God, he's got a nice life next door, hasn't he?
22:29Swanning around all hours.
22:31What have you done now?
22:31His key.
22:32Like when his alarm went off last time he was on holiday.
22:35Now we won't have to put up with it.
22:37What was it?
22:391502.
22:401502.
22:42That's his alarm.
22:45That's his alarm.
23:13Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
23:43Oh, oh, oh, oh.
24:13Oh, oh, oh, oh.
24:18Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
24:24Oh, oh, oh.
24:47The traction control is astonishing.
24:50It can detect will spin in a microsecond, less than a microsecond.
24:54It almost detects a spin before it's even happened.
24:57I've never felt safer. I've never felt more secure.
25:22What are you doing in his house?
25:24George!
25:25Hey, answer me! What are you doing in here?
25:27I said there was someone in his house! I said so!
25:29He's been using the key!
25:30What do you mean? Did you know he was here?
25:31What did I fuck? I knew there was someone in this house!
25:34He's been drinking my wine! The level on the wine goes down in the gate!
25:36What's wine got to do with it?
25:38No, Jake!
25:39George!
25:40Don't touch him!
25:41He's in my house!
25:42You fucking dare!
25:43He's in my house!
25:45I get you!
25:46My king!
25:47Which he's got a skull at!
25:49Did you say he was in here every day?
25:50Drinking wine every single day?
25:52And God knows what else, because you're a son!
25:54He's drinking wine with you.
25:56What?
25:58Fuck.
26:01George!
26:04George!
26:05Get out of here!
26:07Hey!
26:10Hey!
26:11Don't knock me out!
26:12Your son has been wanking in my house!
26:17God!
26:22God, don't kill him!
26:26Tell me.
26:27What were you doing in that man's house?
26:29What were you doing in his house?
26:31Did he invite you in?
26:32What's that supposed to mean?
26:33Did he invite you?
26:34Yeah.
26:36Your boyfriend wants you.
26:37Don't be so stupid!
26:37I'm always the stupid one, aren't I?
26:39Open the door!
26:45God, you couldn't leave him alone, eh?
26:47OK, this is all a bit out of control.
26:48We can sort it out.
26:50I just want to see George.
26:51I just want to talk to him like adults, OK?
26:53And I want my key, because you were in charge of it, Clive.
26:56And I want it back.
26:57I'm sorry, all right?
26:58George!
26:59Don't you dare!
27:00Hey!
27:01Get here!
27:03Hey!
27:04George!
27:05Get back here!
27:07Hey!
27:12You'll have to come back in the end!
27:25He needs a bollocking, because, you know, I mean, we all make mistakes, but he has crossed
27:29a line there.
27:34What was he doing in your house?
27:36What was my boy doing in your house for days and days?
27:42He's 16 years old!
27:44OK, we are fine!
27:51Your son, George, your son, George, stole my key and waited till I left.
27:58Because if I knew he was there, why the fuck would I walk up to my front door with you?!
28:07No!
28:08No, no, no, no, no, wait.
28:09So, he was breaking and entering, he stole things, he masturbated in front of my television,
28:16and these are all on the list of things I am telling the police, including your assault
28:20of me!
28:22Because if you're gonna take on this fucking poof...
28:31Don't you...
28:33Don't you see the...
28:38Don't you ever...
28:50Jesus, fuck!
28:54What?
28:55What?
29:10Judy, tell Saul to pack his stuff up and get out!
29:13You will not believe what his father has just done!
29:16You're a beautiful lad, Saul, but I'm afraid you've gotta go.
29:19And if you wanna know why, blame your mad old dad.
29:22Norm, you need to come home.
29:23They said dad went crazy, like, George was in next door's house.
29:26He broke in, and he was stark naked.
29:29Push around, got to go.
29:30So, where's George now?
29:31I don't know, do I?
29:32I'm still here!
29:33He actually attacked you?
29:35Yeah.
29:36That is assault.
29:37And you have to go to the police.
29:40I don't even have my car.
29:41I left it in town.
29:42I'm stuck here.
29:43Can you come and drive me in?
29:45I'm coming!
29:48Somebody tell me!
29:50What the hell?
29:52He's gonna call the police!
29:53Because you assaulted him, Clive!
29:55Him and snotty bitch Stephanie!
29:58They're gonna call the police!
30:03You're nothing!
30:05You're here now!
30:07What?
30:08What?
30:08What?
30:08What?
30:08What?
30:09What?
30:09What?
30:09What?
30:10What?
30:10What?
30:10What?
30:10What?
30:12What?
30:32Cheers!
30:33Cheers!
30:34You should have a vodka in there.
30:36I've got to take the car home.
30:38And I'm trying to stay alert.
30:40I have a thief living next door.
30:41And I have a thug.
30:42Really?
30:42You should call the police though.
30:44Really?
30:45Really?
30:45I know.
30:45I know.
30:46But like, I'm thinking of me.
30:47I mean, what have it got into the court?
30:49I'm a gay man with a 16 year old boy in my house.
30:52What would that look like?
30:53He broke in.
30:53Yeah, but look at the reaction of his dad.
30:56Anything to do with George, you know?
30:59Then I'm a groomer and a pedo and a pervert.
31:02Oh, don't.
31:02That gets online.
31:03There's five million straight men waiting to attack me.
31:0620 straight women.
31:08What makes you say that?
31:10The world.
31:11And you know who would love this story?
31:13The licensing unit.
31:14The council would leap on it and then this place would be in trouble.
31:18If I go to the police, it will only get worse.
31:23To be fair to little George, you did just want a safe place to wank.
31:27I will.
31:28Because men will do it anywhere.
31:29I've been studying this for years.
31:31It's my specialist subject.
31:32And I have got to tell you girls, men will do it everywhere.
31:35All day long, you name it.
31:37They have spunked on it.
31:38Cinema seats, theatres, graveyards, cars, every single car.
31:43They've whacked up into every single seat.
31:45I used to carry a handkerchief to work on seats on the bus.
31:48I'm now considering a beekeeper's outfit.
31:52Aeroplanes.
31:53In the seats, the dirty dogs.
31:55Seats, toilets, carpets.
31:58That's what turbulence is.
32:00I am telling you, they have been fiddling away all through history.
32:03You asked Sir Edmund Hillary if he tugged off on the top of Everest
32:07and he would say, yes, because it was there.
32:09Because it was there.
32:10Christopher Columbus, he discovered America
32:12so he could find a new place to whack it out.
32:15Neil Armstrong, what's one step?
32:17What massive wank?
32:18And then he varnished the moon.
32:21I'm telling you, two basic rules.
32:24One, never sit down.
32:25And two, don't go barefoot.
32:28Because we are standing on a carpet of gloop.
32:31And if we could see life through UV glasses,
32:34the whole world would look like a melted can.
32:37Oh.
32:38Well, fair dues to George.
32:39He was maintaining a fine tradition.
32:41To George.
32:42To George.
32:47Surround at Sammy's.
32:50Hiding like a chicken.
32:54You're supposed to be the clever one.
32:57But if Leo presses charges and you get a criminal record,
33:01you won't get into university.
33:04That's not true, actually.
33:06Sherry from down the road, she got caught shoplifting
33:08and now she's doing economics.
33:11Which is funny if you think about it.
33:14Now button it.
33:17You will go and apologise.
33:20You'll apologise in person
33:22and I want you to write him a letter.
33:23Fuck off.
33:24Don't you dare!
33:28You'll write a formal apology.
33:31Plus you can add up how much you owe him
33:33with all the wine and stuff,
33:34then double it and pay him back and then...
33:48Then you can tell us why you did it.
33:51I mean, I'm not stupid.
33:53I get it, OK?
33:56When I was a kid, I had a key to my nan's
33:59and I would bunk off and sit in her flat
34:02when she was out on Thursday afternoons
34:04and I did that for five years and no-one knew a thing
34:06but that was family.
34:08He's the man next door!
34:11Did he ask you now?
34:12Shut up.
34:12He gave us his key, didn't he?
34:14It's an open door.
34:15And you're too young to know when you're being...
34:18like, seduced.
34:19You're so stupid.
34:22It's a good point.
34:26Cos Leo is a bit out there.
34:29He's a bit obvious.
34:30And if he does call the police,
34:33it would be a good line to take in court.
34:36He's a homosexual man
34:38choosing to live ten feet away
34:40from two healthy lads.
34:43Two healthy...
34:46sexy lads, let's say it.
34:49He looks at me sometimes.
34:50Does he?
34:51Catch him.
34:52Now and then.
34:54Iron me up.
34:55He can't help himself.
34:57Well, that could be useful.
34:58God, you're all just idiots!
35:01Do you know why I went there?
35:03To get away from you lot!
35:06To get away from this house!
35:08To get away from you!
35:12But you're grounded.
35:13And don't think you can go round to Hattam's.
35:16Because that Boone and his mother
35:18have warned you George
35:18to take your flight from us.
35:20Will you, Papa?
35:29I tell you what, darling.
35:30You'd better get your locks changed.
35:33Mike Wise.
35:34Just in case.
35:35Such a hassle.
35:36Oh God, I've got the keys safe too.
35:38I'll have to change everything.
35:39I'll have to go back.
36:14But, that's not the same.
36:31That's a lot.
36:32And, we're having a house.
36:32Give me a little love from you.
36:34What do you like?
36:36I'm so grateful for you.
36:37And what you like.
36:37What do you like?
36:38I don't think of that.
36:38I will let you get my light.
36:39I'm so excited.
36:39And, I'm like,
36:51It's you and I, you make me
37:29Do you think he went through your things, little Georgie Porchie, wearing my pants?
37:35Hmm, I would
37:36Oh, good
37:37Do you think he did?
37:38Why?
37:39What would he find?
38:15Why?
38:20Why?
38:21Why?
38:28Why?
38:35Why?
38:36Why?
39:06Why?
39:06Why?
39:08Why?
39:32Why?
39:32Why?
39:33Why?
39:33Why?
39:35Why?
39:51Why?
39:54Why?
40:15Why?
40:15Why?
40:15Why?
40:17Why?
40:17Why?
40:20Why?
40:29Why?
40:35Why?
40:48Why?
41:02Why?
41:27Why?
41:27Why?
41:28Why?
41:34Why?
41:47Why?
41:48Why?
41:51Why?
41:55Why?
41:5612 minutes past, right now, and you saw me, I was sitting here. I didn't send it.
42:00You must have been on dictation, Mr. Best Survivor State.
42:02You did say perverts out loud.
42:04But it's not that bad, Melba. I've got this couple in love with you, Blake and Robbie.
42:08They've just adopted three children. They've never been able to do that back in the day.
42:13So things are better.
42:37Oh, nice play.
43:12All right, you lot. I've got a surprise for you today.
43:18I love my job, man.
43:20Say hi, Molly.
43:21Hi.
43:22Oh, my God. Here we go.
43:46This is for you girls.
43:49And some of you fellas.
43:55Oh.
44:00Oh.
44:02Oh.
44:04Oh.
44:07Oh.
44:11Oh.
44:14Oh.
44:15Oh.
44:21Oh.
44:28Okay, it's a long day. Good luck troops. Keep flying the flag. Seriously, though, be careful. What now? Your phone?
44:40Texting a teenager? Oi, I didn't do anything wrong. There's nothing like that on my phone, Liam. Sometimes I think
44:48you lot are so full of all your freedoms.
44:50I don't know if it's a stone.
45:29I don't know if it's a stone.
45:36I don't know if it's a stone. I don't know if it's a stone. I don't know if it's a
45:47stone.
45:57Is this you? Is this your lot?
46:19Is this you? Is this you? Is this your lot?
46:48Is this you? Is this your lot?
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