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00:10what's up wolf bag fam it's your boy kip back at it again hope you're doing well kicking it
00:14with such a major shut up and the rest of the gang what adventures are going to be happening
00:18on this week's episode gotta stay tuned to find out ladies and gentlemen but this is your cue
00:22whether you're new or recurrent snack since not included dammit you gotta bring your fancy a cup
00:27and go make a sandwich whatever you need to come kick it with me and hopefully you have a laugh
00:31alongside me let's get it snacks not included let's freaking go
00:38meet the gang cause the boys are there the boys to entertain you with music and laughter to help
00:45you on your way to raising the robbers with a hey hey hey with songs and sketches and jokes
00:51so than you with us about you and feel blue so meet the gang cause the boys are there
00:58the boys to entertain you
01:19if you just uh sign this one uh there sir if you would and if you'd sign this one for
01:25me sir
01:25then i'll fill it in for you and you won't have to bother about it any further thank you gunner
01:29uh
01:30gunner graham sir oh graham yes i must say you've been a great help in the office hasn't he
01:34ashford oh absolutely first class what is it charlotte it is 10 o'clock sir so i'm bringing
01:40your elevances
01:42thank you most awfully and bombardier bowman and concert party are ready to show new song
01:47that is to go into show tonight oh which one is that ashford it's the wedding of the painted
01:51daughter they're all toy soldiers and bombardier beaumont is the bride he dresses up as a girl
01:57yes brides usually do tell the sergeant major to get the ball rolling will you
02:01certainly you better go and get ready shut up shut up what do you want to travel up
02:07colonel sir want to see concert party perform their latest poofery
02:11right
02:13bombardier beaumont are you standing by
02:16ready when you are sergeant major
02:31it's a holiday today's the wedding of the painted doll it's a jolly day the news is spreading
02:40dingle round the hole the soldier boys are all in town they're marching up they're marching
02:48down from far and near they're coming here church bells ringing here's the little dog with a little
03:01little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a
03:06little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a
03:07little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a
03:07little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a
03:07little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a
03:07little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a
03:12little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a
03:13little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a
03:13little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a
03:17little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a
03:19little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a little dog with a
03:28little
03:28sorrow away he meets the bride now look at the little cutie look at the little
03:37beauty look at the little doll it's my wedding day here's the preacher man oh
03:46look as he takes his little black book he is sure he knows his stuff cause he's
03:54done it often enough
04:15here's the little doll live on the pole is with her painted cheeks
04:21little mama doll has fussed around for weeks and weeks
04:27shoe the blues no time to lose rice and shoes would spread the news that it's a holiday
04:35today's the wedding of the little painted doll
04:47oh it's really rather good eh absolutely first class absolutely first class what did you think
04:52i thought it was disgraceful sir
04:55this isn't exactly your forte is it my objection has nothing to do with show business sir
05:00they is doing drill even poofy toy soldier chorus boys should have some respect for military tradition
05:07they is slumachy sir yes you're absolutely right the drill was a slumachy don't you agree ashford
05:12i was just about to say the very same thing sir slumachy
05:15no we can't let it go on like that sir disgrace to the royal artillery yes it is a disgrace
05:20now what shall we do
05:21let me polish them up sir
05:23oh that's an excellent idea isn't that an excellent idea
05:25oh absolutely excellent sir
05:27well go ahead uh cosad major
05:28come along
05:30come on come on come on come on come on
05:32stand for me at ease
05:33stand for me at ease
05:34stand still
05:35stand for me at ease
05:36stand for me at ease
05:38stand for me at ease
05:38stand for me at ease
05:39stand for me at ease
05:39now lovely boys we's gonna do that drill until it is smart smart smart do you understand
05:43it is up he is now ready and hot and most lovely go away
05:49hey
05:50may we have a tea break before we do the drill
05:52no you may not you will have your tea break when you would really smart smart smart which
05:56judging by your usual standards will be never never never now when you goes into that routine
06:00i want to see them once I get them out parallel to the ground thumbs to the front
06:03and fingers like me cledgehead.
06:05But Sergeant Major, that's not the step.
06:09You mean that's not the step?
06:11The British Army has been marching like that for 100 years.
06:13But they're toy soldiers going to a wedding.
06:15Shut up!
06:16Right, put it to yourself, what you said.
06:18Do not keep me away.
06:19Take that.
06:20Excuse me, Sergeant Major.
06:21Do you want me to vocalise?
06:23Do you want me to vocalise?
06:26No, Mr. Lardy-Lard, I got a gram.
06:28I does not want to assure that honorable university voice of yours.
06:31I want you to play!
06:53Two hours.
06:55Two hours.
06:57He had us out there dancing in the sun.
06:59The routine's ruined.
07:01It's in shreds.
07:03So are my feet.
07:05It's bad enough when he takes us for PT and jungle training
07:08and then shoves us out on fire-picketing on guard.
07:12But when he starts on the shore...
07:14Well, you can imagine how I feel.
07:15I mean, I've put up with this war business
07:17because when it came to the entertainment,
07:19I had total artistic freedom.
07:21I mean, now we have this.
07:22We should do him in.
07:24We can't kill him.
07:26We can't kill him.
07:26We'll get into trouble.
07:28Not if we found a secret poison.
07:31Aye.
07:32They've got secret poisons in the jungle.
07:34Um, kurari.
07:36That's the stuff.
07:37The natives put it on the ends of their darts in the blowpipes.
07:40Hey, Chawala.
07:41Do you mind where there's a kurari tree around about here?
07:44No atlasab.
07:45No kurari tree.
07:46But we have Kaskara tree.
07:49That's not quite what we're looking for, I'm afraid.
07:52We want to put kurari in the Sergeant Major's tea
07:55so we'll get rid of him forever.
07:57If we put Kaskara in his tea,
07:59he'll be off for a couple of hours.
08:02Well, er, how about ground glass, then?
08:05Aye.
08:06We could get ground glass.
08:07I ate some ground glass once.
08:08In a birthday cake my grandma made for me.
08:11I'm still here.
08:13Didn't you notice when you were eating it?
08:15Of course I noticed.
08:17Never thought anything of it.
08:18He's never much of a cook.
08:21I think I have the glimmerings of an idea.
08:24Quiet, everybody.
08:24The brain's at work.
08:26Well, when I was sorting through the papers
08:28in the office the other day,
08:29I came across this signal from Div HQ.
08:32It said, in effect,
08:33that the commanding officers should, er,
08:36should comb through their lists of, er,
08:38warrant officers and senior NCOs
08:40with a view to recommending them
08:42for an accelerated commission.
08:43To the rank of lieutenant.
08:46Thanks, ma'am.
08:46So?
08:48Well, if we could get old Shut Up
08:49to apply for a commission,
08:50we might get rid of him.
08:52Shut Up as an officer.
08:54No.
08:54No, no, no.
08:55You're quite right.
08:56Forget it.
08:57Nobody in their right minds
08:58would ever dream of making
08:59an awful common man like him
09:01into an officer.
09:02Just a minute, Paderewski.
09:04What's all this about common?
09:06God, I'm sick and tired of you going on
09:08about everybody else being common.
09:10Just because you talk all la-dee-da.
09:12I was referring to Shut Up.
09:14Aye, but you were looking at us.
09:16What right have you to say
09:17who's common and who isn't it?
09:20You think we're all common, don't you?
09:21Well, I've got quite enough
09:22to put up with being short.
09:23Without you looking down your nose at me,
09:25what's common?
09:26Tell him.
09:27I'd rather be common with hair
09:29than posh and bald.
09:32I'd rather be common with hair.
09:34And I'd rather be short
09:35and common with hair.
09:37And I'd rather be good-looking
09:38and common with hair.
09:40Well, I don't agree.
09:41I would mind being bored
09:42if I could be posh.
09:43It's a small price to pay.
09:45We're getting away from the point.
09:47It doesn't matter what we think
09:48about Shall Up.
09:49It's what they think over there
09:50that matters.
09:51Precisely.
09:51And if there's the slightest chance
09:53that we might get through,
09:53we ought to take it.
09:54What do you think?
09:55Aye.
09:55Well, I'm not saying it.
09:56Well, the thing is,
09:57how do we make him apply?
09:59Well, can't you have
10:00a little chat with him?
10:01Let's face it,
10:02because I went to university,
10:03he hates me more than any of us.
10:05Well, he sometimes talks to me
10:06at night when I'm on guard duty.
10:07Well, that's it then.
10:09When you're on stand tonight,
10:10have a little chat with him.
10:11See if you can drop a few hints.
10:13You know, sort of man-to-man.
10:18It's going to be very difficult.
10:21Ha-ha!
10:45What a whip.
10:49Everything all right?
10:50Yes, Sergeant Major.
10:52Nobody about.
10:54Well, the lads are asleep.
10:55Just us.
10:58Hey, oh, he sounds kinky.
10:59You know, like that time
11:00when the Japanese
11:00was only half a mile away?
11:02Hmm?
11:02I kept you on your toes, didn't it?
11:04I didn't care for that very much.
11:07That's what soldiering is all about, boy.
11:10Danger.
11:11Keeping one jump ahead of the enemy,
11:13because you'll know
11:14it's either him or you.
11:18It must be marvellous
11:20being a good soldier.
11:22It'd be like that sort of thing.
11:24Something you were born to, I suppose.
11:27I mean, I remember I was only that big, you know.
11:29I was always the little warrior.
11:32I used to play Indians and pale-faces
11:35with my sister.
11:38I was always the Indian, of course.
11:39She was the pale-face.
11:41I used to track her through the bushes, you know.
11:45And if I caught her, I'd
11:46tie her up,
11:48light a fire under her.
11:53Danger.
11:54She was a good little sport.
11:58God rest her soul.
12:00Oh, shit.
12:02Yeah, bro.
12:04With me, it was films.
12:06Everything was films.
12:08I used to make little paper skirts
12:10for my toy soldiers.
12:14And I called them
12:16the Goldwing Girls.
12:18Yes.
12:21Old with me,
12:22it was always soldiering.
12:23Soon as I was old enough,
12:24I'd joined up.
12:26Sergeant Major?
12:27Mm-hmm.
12:29Have you ever thought
12:30of becoming an officer?
12:32Me?
12:33An officer?
12:33No, boy.
12:34I'm not the type.
12:35I wouldn't be too sure.
12:36I mean,
12:37you don't have to talk posh
12:38and la-de-da nowadays.
12:39I mean,
12:40they didn't even talk posh
12:41in history.
12:42I mean, look at Napoleon.
12:44He was just a common,
12:45ordinary little man.
12:47He was in films,
12:48wasn't he?
12:52With Greta Garbo.
12:54I mean,
12:54she liked him.
12:56I mean,
12:57whatever his background.
12:59And then there was Hitler.
13:01He was common as dirt.
13:04And of course,
13:05there was Alexander the Great.
13:08He wasn't common,
13:09was he?
13:12I come to think
13:13that I don't think he was.
13:15Not only that,
13:15Bombardier,
13:16I think he was,
13:16uh,
13:17one of them,
13:18you know?
13:23Maybe that wasn't
13:24such a good example.
13:26Good general,
13:27mate.
13:27Oh,
13:27you're very good general.
13:29For a poof?
13:32Yeah.
13:33He was ever so sort of
13:34fearless with it.
13:36But as for me
13:37being an officer,
13:37boy,
13:38I don't think
13:39it's my cup of tea,
13:39you know?
13:40Well,
13:40think of all the advantages.
13:41I mean,
13:42you get,
13:42um,
13:43a bit of pay,
13:44a bit of uniforms,
13:46a bit of food,
13:46uh,
13:47officers' clubs,
13:48swimming pools,
13:49and of course,
13:50uh,
13:51you score a bigger hit
13:52with the girls.
13:55Now we talk to,
13:57yeah,
13:58buddy.
13:58Of course,
13:58there's the,
13:59uh,
14:00biggest advantage of all.
14:02What's that?
14:03You'll be rid of us forever.
14:07Wow.
14:07Why don't you put
14:08an application in?
14:11I'll think about it.
14:15Ice one.
14:16He sold that to him.
14:18I must say,
14:19it's a bit of a facer,
14:20sir.
14:20Hmm.
14:21I can't think
14:21what's possessed the man.
14:23We can't possibly
14:24put him forward.
14:25I mean,
14:25the whole idea
14:26of him being an officer
14:27is a complete farce.
14:28On the other hand,
14:29we can't block it,
14:30Ashford.
14:30It's not like the old days.
14:32We've got this chap
14:32Attlee in charge now.
14:35If we lose him,
14:36I mean,
14:36who's going to do
14:37all that shouting
14:37and keeping the chaps
14:39up to scratch
14:39and waking them up
14:40in the mornings
14:41and inspecting their socks?
14:44The ideal thing
14:45would be for him
14:46to withdraw
14:46the application himself.
14:48I tell you what,
14:49suppose we invite him
14:50to a mess dinner
14:50and also invite
14:52the Brigadier General Staff.
14:53I mean,
14:53he won't know
14:54how to behave,
14:55he'll be thoroughly embarrassed
14:56and see for himself
14:57the absurdity
14:57of the whole thing.
14:58Of course,
14:59he'd be a complete
15:00fish out of water,
15:01wouldn't he?
15:02I say,
15:03that's jolly devious,
15:04sir.
15:05Well,
15:05you know,
15:05sometimes in life
15:06one has to be cruel
15:07to be kind.
15:10Jolly devious?
15:11When you're to fight
15:13as long as I
15:16can be...
15:17Cool,
15:18just look at him.
15:18Have you ever seen
15:19anything like it?
15:22Here we are,
15:24fighting the Japanese
15:25for every existence
15:26and they're having
15:27a dinner party.
15:29Now they're at the Savoy.
15:31Haven't you seen you
15:32doing much fighting
15:33lately, Petal?
15:33That's awfully good,
15:35Jawaharl.
15:36Sub,
15:37it is all according
15:38to the Mrs. Beaton,
15:39which is belonging
15:40to my uncle's mother,
15:42who is damned
15:43old snub.
15:45What we need now
15:45is a centrepiece.
15:47Oh,
15:49I say,
15:49that's awfully good,
15:50Ashford.
15:50It's your tooth glass,
15:51actually, sir.
15:53Well,
15:54we're off to the RAF
15:55to borrow some wine.
15:56Yes,
15:56sub.
15:57What about the food?
15:58Well,
15:58I had a word
15:58with the mess sergeant
15:59at Div,
16:00and he's sending
16:00the whole thing along
16:01in hay boxes
16:02at about $200.
16:03I see,
16:03that's a good whiz.
16:04Well,
16:04we can't expect
16:05the brigadier
16:05to eat the muck
16:06we could hear.
16:10Rubbish.
16:10We'd better start rehearsing,
16:11otherwise he'll have us
16:12whitewash in the jungle again.
16:14I'm sorry, Petal Ruski,
16:15let's take him to the top.
16:16All right, fellas,
16:17second number.
16:18Hey, boys.
16:20You're, uh,
16:21getting your noses
16:22back to the grindstone,
16:23do you?
16:23Yes, Sergeant Major,
16:24just polishing.
16:26Yeah, well,
16:26just before you start,
16:28you don't have to have
16:29such a thing
16:29as a black tie,
16:30do you?
16:31What for?
16:32You're going
16:32to a funeral?
16:34Not exactly.
16:35It's this
16:35commission thing,
16:36see, only,
16:37well, the colonel's
16:38inviting me to dinner,
16:39like,
16:39and on the invitation
16:40by here,
16:40it says, uh,
16:41I've got to have
16:42a black tie.
16:42Well, actually,
16:43when they put black tie
16:45on an invitation,
16:46Sergeant Major,
16:46it means they want you
16:47to wear a dinner jacket.
16:49Dinner jacket?
16:51I'm not one of them.
16:51Don't worry,
16:52we can fix you up.
16:53You can use my
16:54Eddie Cantor jacket
16:55and, uh,
16:56parky's ventriloquist
16:57trousers.
16:58I've got right
16:58monkey in that lot.
17:00No, I think I'll
17:00chuck the old idea.
17:01No, no,
17:02you mustn't do that.
17:03You're not marvellous,
17:04I promise.
17:05It's not only the looks,
17:06you know,
17:06I mean,
17:07I never knows
17:07how to carry on
17:08at that sort of do,
17:09like, um,
17:10well, there's lots
17:10of knives and forks,
17:11don't I?
17:12I've only ever had
17:13one of each.
17:15There's nothing to it.
17:16I could teach you
17:16five minutes.
17:18Tables already?
17:18Sergeant Major,
17:19sir,
17:20officers will not be back
17:21till the sun goes down.
17:22They have gone to see
17:23the Brill Cream Boys.
17:25Oh, come on,
17:26Sergeant Major.
17:27It'd be like
17:27rehearsing a scene.
17:29No, no,
17:29it's a daft idea.
17:30I shouldn't have applied.
17:31I mean,
17:31to be one of them,
17:32you've got to be
17:32born right,
17:33know what I mean?
17:33Oh, come on.
17:34You can't give up,
17:36Brutus,
17:37lies not in our stars
17:39but in ourselves
17:40that we are underlings.
17:46What do you want about?
17:48Shakespeare said that.
17:50Did he?
17:51Yeah.
17:52And he was ever
17:52such a common little man.
17:54Oh, wasn't he, Paderewski?
17:56Um, what?
17:57Yes.
17:57Oh, come on,
17:58let's have a go, eh?
17:59All right, then.
18:00Come on,
18:00over here, fellas.
18:01Yeah, excuse me.
18:02Right, um,
18:03Lofty,
18:03you're over here.
18:04You be the Brigadier,
18:05right?
18:05And, uh,
18:05you, Paderewski,
18:06you're there.
18:07You be the Colonel
18:07and, uh,
18:08oh, nothing, sweetheart.
18:10Over there.
18:10You be Captain Ashwood.
18:13Very nice.
18:15Let's go.
18:16Ah!
18:17You mustn't sit
18:18before the others.
18:19Wasn't I?
18:20Oh, there you are.
18:21See, I messed it up
18:21before I started.
18:22It's no use.
18:23You've got to carry on.
18:24You've got to keep on trying.
18:25Aye,
18:25like Robert the Bruce.
18:27Hey, I remember him.
18:28He kept on, didn't he?
18:29Yeah,
18:29he tried and tried again.
18:31Aye,
18:31but was he an ordinary man?
18:32He was a king.
18:34Yeah, well,
18:35kings were very common
18:36in those days.
18:37All you've got to do
18:38is to wait until your host,
18:39in this case the Colonel,
18:41gives the signal.
18:41Well, he'll probably say
18:42something like,
18:43uh,
18:43do sit down,
18:44Brigadier.
18:45Try that.
18:46Go on, Parkey.
18:47Do sit down,
18:48Brigadier.
18:49Thanks very much.
18:50Brigadier sits,
18:52then the Colonel,
18:53then Ashwood,
18:53and then you.
18:58It's lovely weather
18:59we have been having,
19:00don't you think?
19:05What was that?
19:06I was making conversation.
19:08We're not doing conversation.
19:10We're doing sitting and eating.
19:12Conversation comes later.
19:14All right,
19:15char,
19:15Waller,
19:15bring the soup.
19:16At least you help him.
19:17We haven't got any soup.
19:19Improvise.
19:19Use char.
19:20You can pretend it's soup.
19:21It's soup.
19:22I know which one for that.
19:22It's that one,
19:23isn't it?
19:23At least I got something right.
19:24Well,
19:24you've got it right,
19:25Sarge Major,
19:26but you're a little bit early.
19:27The next thing is the table napkin.
19:29There you are.
19:30I know I won't do it.
19:31I'll make a fool of myself for sure.
19:33You won't.
19:33You're doing fine.
19:34What you want to do
19:35is take the first letter
19:37of each thing you've got to remember
19:39and make a simple code word.
19:40No, no, no.
19:41There's no need for all that.
19:42You've only got,
19:43uh,
19:43six things to remember.
19:45Now,
19:46sit,
19:47table napkin,
19:48soup,
19:49fish,
19:49meat,
19:49and, uh,
19:50pudding.
19:51Yeah,
19:51all right,
19:52pudding.
19:52There you are,
19:53then.
19:53Snus bump.
19:56Yes, sir.
19:57We're not ready for that yet.
19:58We haven't done the napkins.
19:59Hey,
19:59we can't use these boys.
20:00I'll get dirty.
20:01We have many more,
20:03Fresh and white,
20:03like new dhoti.
20:05Right.
20:06Let's do the napkins.
20:08That's it.
20:10Good,
20:10good,
20:10splendid.
20:11did.
20:14There is,
20:17there is just one small detail,
20:19Sergeant Major.
20:20You don't tuck it into your tunic.
20:23Well,
20:23I was following the brigadier.
20:25That's what the colonel did.
20:27Yeah.
20:27What's that supposed to know?
20:29Napkins go on the knees.
20:31Right,
20:31serve the soup.
20:34Come on.
20:34You must wait for the colonel.
20:40Well,
20:40you said just now I didn't have to.
20:42That was for the table napkin.
20:43It's quite simple,
20:44Sergeant Major.
20:45Wait for the sit.
20:46Wait for the sit.
20:48Don't wait for the napkins.
20:49Don't wait for the napkins.
20:50Wait for the soup.
20:51Wait for the soup.
20:59Come on.
21:00Don't blow the soup.
21:01Don't blow the soup.
21:02Have you got it?
21:04Wait for the sit.
21:05Wait for the sit.
21:06Don't wait for the napkins.
21:07Don't wait for the napkins.
21:08Wait for the soup.
21:09Wait for the soup.
21:09Don't blow the soup.
21:10Don't blow the soup.
21:12Without that,
21:12the soup won't be hot anyway.
21:15Now,
21:16when you've nearly finished
21:17all the soup,
21:18don't tip the bowl towards you.
21:20Right,
21:20now remember that.
21:21Let's,
21:21let's have a recap,
21:22right?
21:22Wait for the sit.
21:24Don't wait for the napkins.
21:26Wait for the soup.
21:28Don't blow the soup.
21:30Don't tip the bowl.
21:31Right.
21:32Right.
21:32Hang on.
21:33Wait for the sit.
21:36Wait.
21:37Don't wait.
21:38Wait.
21:40Don't blow.
21:40Don't tip.
21:41Right.
21:41It's quite easy, really.
21:43All you've got to think of
21:44is snap,
21:45bump,
21:45badoo,
21:46dad uptid.
21:50Let's go on to the fish,
21:52shall we?
21:52Snap-o-wap-o.
21:54Never saw you look.
21:56Right so pretty.
22:00There.
22:01Yes,
22:01this Sherry
22:02is not at all bad,
22:03Reynolds.
22:03Oh,
22:03thank you very much,
22:04sir.
22:04Actually,
22:05it's thanks to the RAF
22:06because they provided it.
22:07And I'll tell you something else.
22:08This is the first time
22:09I've dressed in Mufti for dinner
22:10since 1940.
22:11We did that because of this
22:13rather odd guess, sir.
22:15The Sergeant Major chap.
22:16Yes,
22:16that's right, sir.
22:17We couldn't wear uniform
22:18because, as Ashwood pointed out,
22:19it would mean the Sergeant Major
22:21wearing his badges
22:21while dining in the officer's mess.
22:23That wouldn't do at all.
22:24What sort of chap is he?
22:26Absolutely first class.
22:29Isn't he, Ashwood?
22:30Oh,
22:30absolutely first class.
22:31As a Sergeant Major.
22:33Yes,
22:34but so far as his becoming
22:35an officer is concerned,
22:36I leave that
22:37for you to draw
22:38your own conclusions.
22:40If you don't go now,
22:41Sergeant Major,
22:42the dinner will be over.
22:43Gloria, sir,
22:44your food is not here yet.
22:46HQ muck not yet arrived
22:48to replace my Chinese muck.
22:50All right,
22:51Sergeant Major,
22:51let's have a look at you.
23:00I don't think I can go through it,
23:02you know,
23:02that's a fact.
23:03You're a tough
23:03to your fingernails.
23:05My mum had a picture
23:06of the Duke of Windsor
23:07on a biscuit team.
23:08You look just like him.
23:11Do I really, boy?
23:12Go on, Sergeant Major.
23:14Go out there
23:14and knock him in the aisles.
23:18All right.
23:20Wish me luck then.
23:21Good luck, sir.
23:21Here I go.
23:23Good luck, man.
23:24Ah,
23:25here comes our long-lost guest.
23:29Brigadier,
23:29our special guest,
23:31Sergeant Major Williams.
23:32How are you going on, sir?
23:33I've heard all about you, Williams.
23:35Oh,
23:36Colonel be telling tales, sir,
23:37is he?
23:38Oh, no, no, no,
23:39you're quite a legend,
23:40Dib, HQ.
23:41A good legend,
23:42I hope, sir.
23:43At all events,
23:44a soldierly one.
23:45Oh, it's that all right.
23:46As everybody knows
23:47about Sergeant Major Williams.
23:48But look,
23:49I can't keep calling you Williams.
23:50What's your first name?
23:51Well,
23:53I've always been known
23:54as Taffy, sir.
23:55Yes,
23:55well,
23:55that's the fate
23:56of every Welshman
23:57in the army,
23:57I'm afraid.
23:58Charles,
23:59Taffy doesn't seem
24:00to have a drink.
24:01Oh,
24:01sorry,
24:02Sergeant Major.
24:03Taffy,
24:03um,
24:06Ash,
24:06get old Taffy
24:07here to drink,
24:08really.
24:11Thank you, sir.
24:12Taffy.
24:13I say.
24:21I seem to have
24:24let you down
24:25rather badly.
24:26I didn't have
24:27a white shirt,
24:28you see,
24:28sir,
24:28and the,
24:29well,
24:29the boys got together
24:30and made these
24:31out of a couple
24:33of bits of white cardboard.
24:34I say,
24:35that's damn funny.
24:37Do you know
24:38why Batman
24:39did the same for me?
24:41Yes!
24:45I bet,
24:46let these two
24:46get there
24:47at Harrods.
24:49Army and Navy,
24:49actually.
24:51All right.
24:53Let's cut a clock.
24:54Message from Div,
24:55sir,
24:55for the Colonel.
24:56The bridge is down
24:57over the Singu River,
24:57sir,
24:58and they can't send
24:58a food for your dinner.
24:59I say,
25:00that's a bit of a blow.
25:01Oh, never mind,
25:01we have this fabulous
25:02Chinese cook.
25:03My compliments to Arsing,
25:04tell him I know
25:05it's short notice,
25:06but could he do his best?
25:07Arsing sent a message,
25:08too, sir.
25:08Oh,
25:09what does he say?
25:10Can I whisper, sir?
25:12Yes,
25:12I suppose, sir.
25:14Well,
25:14he said,
25:15sir,
25:15you can,
25:19take a try
25:19and think up
25:20something like that.
25:22I can fix up
25:23fantastic McConaughey's
25:24stew
25:24with tin mashed
25:26potatoes
25:26and tin trickle pudding
25:27and char-bjorn
25:29your dreams up.
25:30McConaughey's
25:31stew and trickle pud?
25:32But that's
25:33the best meal
25:33in the world.
25:34Tastes best of all
25:35out of mess tins, sir.
25:36You're absolutely right,
25:37Taffy.
25:38Could we have it
25:38out of mess tins?
25:39I mean,
25:39one spoon would do.
25:40Yes, yes, yes,
25:41of course, of course.
25:42All right.
25:42Well,
25:43off you go,
25:44a thing,
25:44Clark, sir.
25:45Clark, yes.
25:46Take the Indian thing
25:48with you two.
25:50Oh, shit.
25:51I remember my old dad.
25:54He was a coal miner,
25:55you know.
25:56Was he indeed, sir?
25:57Oh, yes, yes.
25:58Totophandi colliery.
25:59Well, my dad was a miner,
26:00too, sir.
26:01Was he indeed?
26:03Nunt of oil.
26:03Nunt of oil?
26:05Good gracious me.
26:07What a marvellous man
26:08you've got here.
26:10He's the sort of man
26:11we want for an officer.
26:11Yes, sir.
26:12We thought that, too.
26:13Absolutely.
26:14Anyway,
26:15my father never forgot
26:17his humble background,
26:18even after he became
26:19an MP.
26:20And I remember
26:21the day I left
26:22public school,
26:23him saying to me,
26:24Brinley, he said.
26:25Brinley?
26:26Never forget one thing
26:27in life.
26:28There's no meal better
26:29than stew and trickle putt.
26:31Labour MP,
26:32Steve, what's his own?
26:34Of course he was.
26:35Well, my mother
26:37had set the table
26:38just like this.
26:40And I remember
26:41she had the best china
26:43and silver and things.
26:44And I remember
26:45my father taking hold
26:46of the cloth
26:47and saying,
26:48stew and trickle putt,
26:49he said.
26:50And to hell
26:50with all the fripperies
26:51and la-de-da.
26:52And with that,
26:53he took hold of the cloth
26:55and pulled it off,
26:57leaving everything standing.
27:00Just like this.
27:07Just as well
27:08we've eaten out
27:08the mess tins, sir.
27:10That should be right, sir.
27:11Thank you, sir.
27:12All right.
27:13When were you last
27:13at the arms force?
27:14Cool guy, right?
27:18We need tension.
27:30Saying goodbye
27:30to the sergeant major,
27:32was without doubt
27:33the sweetest moment
27:34of my life.
27:35He made my life a misery.
27:37Just because I'm little.
27:40He was unhuman.
27:43Life without him
27:44will be pure bliss.
27:48Here, fellas.
27:50Look what's just blown in.
27:55Lord, love a ruddy duck.
27:59It's happened at last, fellas.
28:01They made me a sergeant.
28:03Whoa!
28:05Temporary, unpaid acting sergeant.
28:09That's right.
28:10For short,
28:11two hars.
28:15Get fell in.
28:20Get fell in.
28:21I'm a sergeant!
28:25No, no, no, no.
28:26I've thought it all out, fellas.
28:28It's not going to make any difference,
28:29not to us.
28:30I'm not like that.
28:31Not at all.
28:32I mean,
28:33you scratch my back
28:33and I'll scratch yours.
28:35On parade is on parade
28:36and off parade is off parade.
28:39We're going to make this
28:40the finest concert party
28:41East at Chittagong
28:42and my name is not
28:43Gloria Beaumont.
28:44I'm going to rehearse
28:45until you drop.
28:45We're going to have
28:46make-up classes,
28:47dancing classes,
28:48acting classes,
28:49singing classes.
28:50We're yelling,
28:51acrobat,
28:51stage members,
28:52scene shifting.
28:53I'm going to tell
28:53you love your artist.
28:54If it's an artist,
28:55I just...
29:00I'm sorry.
29:01I was shouting you
29:02because...
29:02I'm not a real sergeant.
29:05I'm only
29:06temporary
29:06unpaid acting sergeant.
29:09Temporary unpaid.
29:12I'm acting.
29:15Very badly.
29:18What are you doing back here,
29:19Sir Major?
29:19I brought you a signal, sir.
29:21The concert party
29:22is to be trained
29:22as an assault concert party.
29:25What does that mean,
29:26Sergeant Major?
29:27It means,
29:27my dear,
29:28that when the Allies
29:29invade Malaya from the sea,
29:31this concert party
29:33will go in
29:33with the first wave
29:34of assault troops
29:35and I will be coming
29:36with you.
29:37What about your commission,
29:38Sergeant Major?
29:39Well, that would have
29:39taken six months, sir.
29:41Might all be over by then,
29:42so I withdrew my application.
29:43I'm coming with you, sir,
29:44because I have a feeling
29:47you're going to need me.
29:48Well, if we're going in
29:49with the first wave,
29:50we'll certainly be needing you.
29:52Well, on the other hand, sir,
29:53I do not think
29:54we will be needing
29:56this.
30:19The boys are there,
30:21the boys to make the same thing.
30:24To music and laughter, to hope you want to win, to painting the land, to sing a hey, hey, hey.
30:30With songs, and scanties, and songs that we meet, with us and vows, you won't do that, it's so new.
30:36But then once the boys are in, the boys will end the day, hey.
30:42I've got it to make you feel good, so give us a cheer with them, hey, hey, hey.
30:47Just gather around, and put down your gun, with us and vows, you won't do that, it's so new.
30:53So meet again, once the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
30:59B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
31:06End of hope and glory, mother of the children!
31:17Ladies and gentlemen, there's no show without Sergeant Major.
31:20Shut up, ladies and gentlemen.
31:21I hope that you enjoy this.
31:23What do you guys think that Nobby whispered to the Colonel, man?
31:28I feel like it was something like get stuff, man.
31:31But let me know in the comments down below.
31:33Hold up.
31:34I got quite a lot to put up with being short, man.
31:36While you're looking down on me, you bastard.
31:39You lad it out, you freaking jerk, man.
31:43Yo, I like how that shit switched up on him real quick.
31:46You know, obviously he came up with this great plan, man.
31:49You know, he's been looking at the paperwork and all that stuff like that.
31:53So a great episode in that regards.
31:57You know, these guys have been wanting Sergeant Major shut up to leave for a long time.
32:02They put up with a lot of shit, but that's, you know, that's kind of what you signed up for.
32:06So you got to be careful because, you know, you got to be careful what you wish for.
32:10You can actually get someone, you know, worse.
32:13You never know.
32:13You might get somebody better, but you can always get somebody worse, you know.
32:18And a lot of times, maybe sometimes, nine out of ten times, maybe you're going to get somebody worse and
32:24stuff.
32:24But the only time that Gloria could rival Sergeant Major shut up if he was drilling these chaps into the
32:33performance aspect.
32:35That was like, okay, he got a little gangsta in him.
32:38But he's like, guys, can I get a lot lined up?
32:41Ain't nobody listening to him there.
32:43Even when he said it again a little bit more aggressively, they just went through the motions and stuff.
32:49But it would be hard, respectfully, to take that guy, Gloria, serious here.
32:55I enjoyed and, you know, I had a good time laughing alongside with the, you know, the toy soldier thing
33:02and the dancing situation there with my boy Little Lofty, man.
33:07Freaking love that character.
33:09But, you know, how crazy would it be?
33:11There's no show without Sergeant Major shut up.
33:13Obviously, you know, he makes this show since the very first episode.
33:17And, you know, the recurring theme at the end, you know, with shut up, you know, is still music to
33:23my ears.
33:24But, yeah, just the thought of him leaving, man, would kill me, man.
33:29That shit would kill me.
33:30So what did Nabi say to the Colonel in those moments there?
33:35And it was also crazy because a lot of these guys definitely looking down on my boy.
33:41But I did enjoy them coming together, trying to help them out.
33:45So because they want to get rid of them.
33:46So, you know, they have their mix.
33:47They got their agendas.
33:49But it was still cool.
33:51You know, people rallying together, you know, for a good cause for them, you know, to get my boy out
33:56there.
33:56But, yeah, his table manners, you know, everybody has different table manners.
34:00Some don't, you know, have it.
34:02You know, some lack it or, you know.
34:05And, you know, he felt, you know, Sergeant Major shut up, felt like, you know, he's not up to scratch
34:10on it.
34:10He's not up to par in comparison to all these guys here.
34:14And even the Colonel, you know, actually kind of looking down on him for a little bit.
34:19Like, oh, he's not, you know, him.
34:21Like, you know, Tom was like, damn, man.
34:23Yo, this guy.
34:24But at the same time, Asher was like, who the hell is going to whip these guys into shape, check
34:30their socks, blah, blah, blah.
34:32You know what I mean?
34:32Like, and I'm like, this is the man for the job, man.
34:35You need people like him, Sergeant Major.
34:37Shut up, man.
34:38You need a guy that is going to make soldiers, man, at the end of the day, man.
34:43You know, and this is the only guy that we see that fits fit to do so, man.
34:49Because Gloria in charge, nah, man.
34:51Not even, not even Graham.
34:53I don't know.
34:54I just, I just don't believe it.
34:56You know, that they could, you know, maybe they could, maybe they can't.
34:58But at this stage in the game, I don't believe that they could do a better job than Sergeant Major.
35:03Shut up, man.
35:04He's built for that.
35:05He's built for this part.
35:06And, you know, I got a little sound there.
35:08No, no, no, no, no, no.
35:09Gloria, man.
35:10Gloria got the new stuff there.
35:11And I'm like, ah, no, man.
35:14Obviously, in my heart, I know they, they better not get rid of him, man.
35:18They better not do that shit.
35:19But in my heart, I'm like, don't you do it, bastard.
35:22Don't you freaking do it, man.
35:23Um, I did like, man, how they, they shitted on the, um, well, um, I forgot his name, but
35:30the Asian man there in the moments there, um, where are they like, yo, his food is whack
35:35and shit.
35:35So that's why that guy got pissed off, man.
35:37So I'm like, how you gonna shit on this guy's food, man?
35:39And then you go ask him, I ain't gonna give you shit, man.
35:43Like that or, you know, you gotta be careful insulting the cook, man.
35:46You hear those horror stories.
35:48I think I even seen a movie.
35:50I don't know if it was a comedy movie.
35:51I forgot.
35:52But, um, I don't know if it was, um, it was this really skinny dude.
35:59I forgot.
36:00Um, damn it, man.
36:02Man, where they go on like a road trip or some shit.
36:05Uh, damn it, man.
36:07It's killing me right now.
36:08But anyway, the guy went to a restaurant and he, he asked, uh, to change some shit.
36:13And the guy like took something, you know, like the toast that he put it down under.
36:18And I was like, holy shit, yo, you don't mess with the, um, the chefs, the cooks and stuff.
36:24I've seen, I've seen stuff on popping up that they got busted with the cameras.
36:28Like, I don't know, it could be McDonald's or some shit.
36:30Somebody spitting on food.
36:32Yeah.
36:32That's why I don't really rock with the fast food.
36:34I'd rather prepare my own shit.
36:36But, you know, on the odd occasion, man, you always gotta be wondering.
36:39And I've had bad experiences.
36:41Uh, I remember one time.
36:43I think, uh, my girl at the time to subway, we just, you know, need a sandwich, quick lunch, man.
36:48And she ordered a sandwich and I'm watching the guy that's behind the counter, man.
36:53And, you know, my man's by accident, he spit into the sandwich.
36:59Like a little spit came out.
37:01I was like, ah, hell no, I'm not buying that shit.
37:04And like, if this was my girl said, she's like, please, you better say that shit.
37:07I was like, yo, bro, this is gonna be very awkward.
37:11But man, I'm not buying that sandwich.
37:12You spit on that shit, man.
37:13And I've walked out and I'll never go back.
37:15I never went back to subway again, man.
37:17I just, you know, fast food just rubbed me the wrong way these days.
37:20And again, I've had it as a, uh, you know, as a young'un, but I'm like, nah, I ain't
37:25messing with that shit.
37:26But man, this was a good episode.
37:28Definitely another enjoyable episode.
37:30The performance aspect, man, keeps me always entertained.
37:33You know, the sing alongs, the dancing and, you know, all the performance aspect that Gloria leads these lads into
37:40charge.
37:40That's the one thing that he definitely excels in.
37:44Definitely plenty of laughs.
37:45Uh, the Colonel with Ashwood, these guys always saying some stupid shit.
37:49And to me, just like, uh, Sergeant Major saying, shut up at the end.
37:54What also to me doesn't get old is kind of like, uh, my man's called, he was like thing.
38:00That's going to be the code word thing, man.
38:02I'm going to, I'm going to forget what the code word.
38:05I'm like, man, we're talking about, you know, fantastic four up in this piece, man.
38:09Sometimes I've been saying these code words and then I'm going to forget.
38:11Cause if I'm doing a code word here and there a lot, I'm losing track.
38:15Ladies and gentlemen, until you guys say it.
38:17And I'm like, Oh shit.
38:18Oh, okay.
38:19Okay.
38:19Um, but yeah, he's always like not getting these guys names down pack, man.
38:25That never gets old.
38:26But how cool was it with, um, you know, this other man in charge right here that they thought,
38:32you know, it was all proper.
38:33Cause remember we're talking about common is common that, but you know, some of the greatest
38:37people in the planet, you know, you start off, remember we're all regular Joes, man.
38:42You know, uh, uh, you know, you got to start somewhere at some point in time, someone is
38:46a beginner in, in some aspect.
38:48Uh, uh, you know, even though some people be front and left and like, Oh yeah, I'm an expert
38:52in this shit.
38:53I got this, uh, you know, uh, you know, GCSE, I'm just kidding.
38:59I'm just GD.
39:03I can't, I can't even say it right now, man.
39:05I'm just having a great time watching it, but you know, sometimes these pricks coming
39:09off right with their university educations and shit, looking down on my boys, man.
39:13And I love that they ganged up on him, man.
39:15He was like, Oh shit, man.
39:18Um, I think that Nabi and Nasha had some good moments as well.
39:22Um, obviously you see a little bit more, uh, shining for them, but yeah, obviously the
39:28other characters are more predominant, but it's nice to see them have a little bit of
39:31a shine.
39:32I think it's important in a show like that.
39:34So this way and no disrespect.
39:36So they don't become forgettable characters, you know, that, so they can have some memorable
39:40moments here.
39:40And I think they had some moments, man.
39:42Um, that I still remember, uh, uh, you know, on this show, but anyways, um, yeah,
39:48still enjoy the show.
39:49Of course, you know, still plenty of laughs, you know, with my boy Sergeant Major shut up his
39:53damn head.
39:54This is must see TV, man.
39:55He's still, you know, one of my favorite characters and my boy lofty.
39:59Um, yeah.
40:00So as always, just leave your thoughts down below and I'll see you on the next one.
40:04Peace out.
40:04Take care, be well, all the best.
40:06Peace.
40:07Peace.
40:09Peace.
40:11Peace.
40:13Peace.