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Bxkid7
  • 6 days ago

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😹
Fun
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00:00what's up wolf bag fam it's your boy keep back at it again hope you're doing well continuing my
00:14journey of one foot in the grave with my homie victor and margaret what adventures are going to
00:19be happening on this week's episode i gotta stay tuned to find out but ladies and gentlemen whether
00:23you're new or recurrent snacks is not included damn it you gotta bring your own fancy a cup of
00:28make a sandwich whatever you need to come kick with me i'll kick back relax and hopefully i have
00:32a good laugh i know with victor and margaret we're not in uh you know we're in for a treat ladies and
00:37gentlemen let's get it snacks not included let's freaking go
00:41but i am just too long in the tooth so i'm an oap and weak mean but i'm not yet quite gone to see
00:53i may be over the hill now that i have retired fainting away but i'm not yet expired
01:01lapped out run down too old to save one foot in the grave
01:08the
01:19lapped
01:2110
01:23and
01:28What the heck?
01:58**Z svz**
02:05**Z zz**
02:22**Z vz**
02:28Oh
02:58I'm sorry is that your Peugeot estate right there only I think your front Poclub seemed to be on for some reason
03:28Oh my goodness! What a savage, I love it. Let's go run up.
03:46Got us up in a pickle. Frankly Mr. Skimpot, what side of bed I got out of this morning is not a matter I consider relevant.
03:51The fact remains that the open sesame automatic garage door which you installed for me last week
03:56has just jammed again for the seventh time
03:59and as BMW rather short-sightedly failed to include a limbo dancing option on the new 300 series
04:05I'm keen to learn how you expect me to get the car on the road.
04:09Yes, I'll tell you exactly what's chafing my hide this morning Mr. Gorringe.
04:13It concerns a majestic 2000 millennium globe that I rather foolishly ordered from your company for my brother's birthday
04:20which I can't help noticing has arrived with two northern hemispheres.
04:24If by one of our top service engineers you're referring to the young child with a hair full of glue
04:30who spent three hours here yesterday wobbling around on top of a ladder
04:33presumably in an attempt to make his testicles drop
04:36I was not impressed Mr. Skimpot.
04:39Unfortunately not Mr. Gorringe.
04:41And while a world with two Europe's and no Australia may have obvious cultural advantages
04:46I'm afraid it doesn't quite square with the theory of continental drift.
04:50I couldn't say with any certainty Mr. Skimpot whether it was Rick or Dave
04:54although you'd very sensibly had a ring fitted through his ear like a cow
04:57I'm afraid his name tab seemed to have fallen off.
05:00Oh has he indeed?
05:02Well how very fine and dandy for him.
05:04Well it depends what you mean by very noticeable Mr. Gorringe
05:07I mean have my brother been horribly blinded in some form of industrial accident
05:12and surely all our troubles would be over?
05:14Well do offer him my profuse congratulations Mr. Skimpot
05:17and then tell him to get his arse back round here now and finish the job.
05:21Yes and I should expect a proper replacement within 24 hours
05:24or heads and hemispheres will roll.
05:28Do you hear that little twerp I had a Barney with outside yesterday?
05:32He's only just gone and won 60,000 quid on the midweek lottery.
05:35Unbelievable.
05:36Unbelievable.
05:37Right then perhaps I'll just pop out for a few bits.
05:41Get that bottle of whisky you wanted to take back with you Nigel.
05:44It's not till half past six your train tonight is it?
05:48So I'll see you about five then.
05:51Bye.
05:55Bloody stereo.
05:56Drives you up the wall.
05:57Tell me about it.
05:59It was bad enough in mono.
06:14A good fisherman.
06:18Morning Mr. Mildrew.
06:19I'd get it in boots if I were you.
06:20What?
06:21The anusole.
06:22They'll charge the earth in places like this.
06:23Oh I was just erm...
06:24No I'm glad I've run into you actually.
06:25Only I've been meaning for ages to give you this.
06:26It's the second prize in the ex-masuffer's tombola.
06:27You forgot you bought a ticket.
06:28Donated by Mrs. Cribbins from the dry cleaners.
06:29I gather it's quite a family heirloom.
06:31Yes it's erm...
06:32It's her late husband's false beard.
06:33She's had that chronic facial dermatitis.
06:34Now she's had it all steam cleaned and everything.
06:35But be very sparing with the gum arabic.
06:36Yeah right.
06:37Bear that in mind.
06:38All set for the big day tomorrow.
06:39Oh yes yes yes.
06:40They say it's one of the most traumatic events in your life don't they?
06:41Moving house.
06:42But erm...
06:43No.
06:44No.
06:45No.
06:46No.
06:47No.
06:48No.
06:49No.
06:50No.
06:51No.
06:52No.
06:53No.
06:54No.
06:55No.
06:56No.
06:57No.
06:58No.
06:59No.
07:00No.
07:01No.
07:02No.
07:03No.
07:04No.
07:05No.
07:06No.
07:07No.
07:08No.
07:09No.
07:10No.
07:11Oh I don't know there are far too many memories for me.
07:12No.
07:13If I don't see you let before you go keep in touch and I hope it all works
07:21out for you.
07:22Oh well thank you very much Mr. Meldrew that's very kind and erm...
07:27lots of love to mrs. Meldrew and bye bye to you bye mr. Sweeney at least seven months early
07:40wait for another god but with daylight comes the renewed threat of mortar attack and already
08:00behind me forces loyal to the junta have begun shelling for CNS moves on the southern slopes of
08:11the Argyre Bullock Pass what's this supposed to be like any good depends if you like watching
08:18growing men take their clothes off you don't get anything a bit stronger down there I suppose
08:32I think this is still warm I'm sorry about this but I just had to get away from the brothers grim
08:55this morning we'll go completely do-lally oh is this the one you've been telling me about
09:00he's been over from Norfolk yes just been out to get him a drop of the hard stuff before we see him
09:06off at the station plus a little treat for myself which I think I deserve after three weeks of that
09:14I can't remember if you've told me is he divorced no he's never married Nigel he's got more sense well
09:23he's got a crush on Jonathan Dimbleby which is not quite the same one
09:29from that side of things he's so much like Patrick it's frightening it's like every phone calls an
09:35episode of Cavana QC I mean what is it with men they're another species it's like this one bought
09:43himself a fishing rod now would you believe with all the gubbins think he has the first idea how
09:49to cast a line took a woodpecker out of a tree the other day first down an old lady's jogging shorts
09:59I should be picking up a prescription oh right well I'll hang along with you as far as the bus stop
10:07Oh God's sake
10:37you know that surgery gets worse talk about headless chickens
10:42oh and why didn't you throw this back Victor sorry into the bloody fridge where it came from
10:54must be at least three days past its cell by why you keep going in that places beyond me
11:02do you know I think he's chiseled me out of that popcorn out of what don't you Douglas said he'd a
11:14nice bit of popcorn out the back if I fancied it to go with a video then he didn't put it in if you
11:18please well with that other bastard first thing I just about had a day of it still to all be good
11:29material for when I give my talk your talk why a bunch of old deers would want to sit listen to
11:38you moan and groan about everything under the Sun I can't imagine think your cousin Iver must be
11:44going soft in the head PS Gladys sends her love and says when are you going to come and give a
11:51little lecture to a women's Institute we are sure the gospel according to Victor Meldra would be the
11:56highlight of their year exclamation mark I'm thinking of basing it around a theme of evolution gone wrong
12:06Neanderthal man did not in fact die out he went to work for sky digital performance we had with them oh you'll now
12:18guess what I saw this morning on the news an American reporter who looked just like mr.
12:23swaney it was incredible I think the tape is still in there because I was watching it before Pippa came
12:29round so she's just about had a better full of it lately what was Patrick's brother coming over to
12:35stay really I didn't know he had one yes gay apparently but just like Patrick in every respect
12:44I suppose it must just be coincidence that other but what's this she's left behind you do you mean
12:57they're completely identical sorry oh yes officially the spitting image oh no I never said anything who
13:07Patrick what about perhaps they just try and steer clear of each other I mean if you've got a twin
13:16brother who's gay it could lead to all sorts of mix-ups do you want to peel those potatoes while I get this pie on
13:23yeah can do what's this oh I don't know some video that Pippa left behind Dwayne Spartacus and mighty Joe
13:36shlong imagine in our wildest dreams that he's been back to fix it after he's just won a fortune on the
13:57lottery I should think he's checked the job and he's halfway to Barbadoc spot
14:02or a few firm words on the phone this morning taught him the error of his ways
14:10let's go
14:19let's go
14:19wow
14:23little bastard I'll kill him
14:29you
14:43oh
14:43you
14:44yes
14:44oh
14:46rocket
14:48yeah
14:50hey
14:54Hey, yo, oh my god.
15:01What is this?
15:02Hey, what are you doing, baby?
15:04It's not Dixon of dark green.
15:06Oh!
15:11I just keep stroking it.
15:13What are you doing, man?
15:14Ya freak.
15:19Hey, yeah.
15:20Can you imagine?
15:22Going out and buying your brother-in-law.
15:26Something like that.
15:28Hard stuff, she said.
15:30My God.
15:33I mean, is that what some men actually...
15:38Where do you think she got it?
15:40I don't know.
15:42All I know is that's your first job tomorrow morning.
15:45To take it back to them.
15:49Where did I put those smelling salts?
15:52Yeah!
15:53Oh, thanks for polishing off my cabinet.
16:07I've been looking forward to that all afternoon.
16:10Oh, I'm sorry.
16:11I thought I was going begging.
16:13After all the upheaval today, I needed something to steady my nerves.
16:20What?
16:22Did I hurt?
16:23I don't know.
16:24I just suddenly felt a bit clogged up.
16:28I mean, um...
16:29Some reason?
16:30Just look at that.
16:31You've done everything but suck the bloody cork.
16:35Where is the cork, anyway?
16:37Oh, shit!
16:38There's no way of saying this delicately, Patrick.
16:39Oh, my God!
16:40It's gone quite a long way in.
16:42You've got a buck, right?
16:43You've got a buck, right?
16:44You've got a buck, right?
16:45You've got a buck, right?
16:46You've got to just turn it to Twitter and get it out!
16:47Oh, right!
16:48What am I now?
16:49A qualified proctologist?
16:51What?
16:52I don't know.
16:53How do you normally get a cork out?
16:57I suppose!
17:13Oh, my God!
17:17The one in the drawer that we take on holiday
17:39I feel very uncomfortable doing this
17:43Isn't that funny whereas I seem to be growing ever more relaxed and comfortable
17:48Just get on with it, please
17:55No!
17:57I'm sorry about that
17:59Oh, perhaps I'm ready to call the hospital
18:05Poor Patrick
18:12Oh, no
18:17Morning, Mr Meldrew
18:26Bright and early
18:27Oh, I thought
18:29You never said you were only moving two doors a lot
18:34I wanted an end house and they wanted to make a fresh start without really leaving the area
18:40So as soon as I heard the McVittys were emigrating, I let straight in with an offer
18:44Of course, I still haven't found a buyer for number 21, but isn't that funny? You didn't know about it
18:50Honey!
18:50Morning, Mr Swainey
18:52You settling in all right?
18:52Oh, yes
18:53There's that news report I was telling you about
18:56You see what you make of that when you have a moment
18:58I will, Mrs Meldrew, sounds very intriguing
19:01Oh, that was another thing, Mr Meldrew
19:03I've got a couple coming round to view at three
19:05Estate agent says they sound quite serious
19:08Mr and Mrs Gleeson
19:09Oh, right
19:11Fingers crossed there then
19:12Yes, he said the husband was a very nasty piece of work apparently
19:15Very violent
19:16And by all accounts, it's a total fluke he found the place
19:19Apparently, he was in the area yesterday morning having lunch at some pub
19:24When some lunatic stuck a load of maggots in his foot
19:27So he tried to drive after him but lost him at the roundabout just down the road here
19:31And that's when he noticed my signpost
19:33Really?
19:34Yes
19:35Yes, he says if he ever sees this chap again, he's gonna beat the living shit out of him
19:39I don't have such language
19:42Anyway, I'll bring him round later so you two can get to know each other
19:45I'm sure he's not as bad as he sounds
19:46See you later then, Mr Meldrew
19:48Listen, there's no need to go to all that trouble, Mrs
19:53He done did it
19:58Shutting it down out there
20:01Why don't you just leave it till later?
20:03Leave it till later the place will be packed
20:05With all the usual walking wounded people with tennis rackets through their heads
20:09Be lucky to see a doctor this side of Christmas
20:11So, er, how do you think they're gonna get it out?
20:20Well, I imagine they'll just give me eight pints of Tizer and tell everyone to stand well back
20:25Tried and tested procedure for this sort of thing
20:28Why is it we don't have any umbrellas any longer?
20:31Because you keep leaving them all in restaurants
20:35Oh, hang on, I think I left that lavender one of mine in the kitchen
20:38Lavender one?
20:39Yes, if you think I'm going to be seen walking around with that in my hand
20:43You're very much mistaken
20:59Let's go
21:00Let's go
21:14Excuse me, we've never met before
21:18My name is Richard Meld
21:20I'm a friend of your sister-in-law's
21:22And I think she might have...
21:23Um, well, anyways, um, this is yours, I think, so...
21:31Oh, my goodness
21:36The gay brother
21:42This is too good
21:43A ragtag army of farmers and simple go-herds waits for another dawn to break
21:49But with daylight comes the renewed threat of mortar attack
21:53And already behind me, forces loyal to the junta have begun shelling rebel positions
22:01This is Skip Hoberman for CNS News on the southern slopes of the Argypolak Pass
22:07Yes, well, if you want to know about pubs, the man to ask is probably my husband
22:22Who should be home
22:23Oh, talk of the devil
22:26Well, that, er, that gives us a chance to get off now, doesn't it?
22:30I said I'd give you a hand
22:32To take that stuff up the tip before it closes
22:35Oh, yes, that would be handy
22:37I'm home
22:38Margaret
22:39Sorry about the time
22:41I didn't want to get here too soon in case he came round with that ruddy
22:45Yes
22:49Will you come downstairs? Perhaps you'd like to have a wee chat with Mr. and Mrs. Gleeson
22:54Who may soon be moving in next door
22:56Mr. Sweeney and I are just popping out for half an hour
23:00Well, nice to have met you both
23:02Bye
23:10Now, I'm not saying he will get out
23:12But if he does, you don't let him know you're frightened
23:15Okay, that's the worst thing you can do to a pitbull, that is
23:23Let's go, clever
23:25Right, so he's not dangerous then exactly
23:29Dangerous
23:30He killed a bleating swan the other day
23:32He brought it back to the house, didn't he?
23:35As I say, you've got to use a bit of psychology
23:39Well, I don't want to hurry you both, but the way the traffic is at this end of town
23:47Oh, right
23:52So, I hope to see you again, perhaps in the near future
23:55Thanks for the beers
23:56Yes, not at all
23:57Not at all, thank you
23:58Bye
24:09Oh, no
24:10So, you like the taste of worms
24:21Damn it
24:22Well, thanks very much then, Mrs. Barger, I appreciate you spending the time
24:29Yes, it's about how much junk you do accumulate over the years
24:34You can't really be aware of it
24:38Could do with a good clear out ourselves one of these days
24:41If it comes to that
24:43You're all right, Mr. Sweeney
24:45I thought you'd be all chipper today with the new house and everything
24:48Oh, yeah, yeah, well, of course I am
24:51I suppose
24:55It's ever since I gave you that tape to watch
24:59That man
25:01He wasn't anyone you
25:04He wasn't a relative or anything
25:05Oh, no, no, no, no
25:07It's just a bit of a shock to the system, something like that
25:11As if, I don't know
25:15Someone was taunting me
25:19With a
25:20Glimpse of the man I should have been
25:24It's hard to imagine Skip her woman living at home with his mother for 40 years running tombolas
25:31Like an ever-grown boy scout
25:39Life isn't just about ambition, Mr. Sweeney
25:43Just earning the respect of others
25:45As a decent
25:47And gentle human being
25:50Is enough for anyone to be proud of
25:53Oh, yeah
25:54I've certainly wheeled a lot of old ladies about, Mrs. Meldra
25:57But who's gonna wheel me about?
26:02Make him cry, man
26:10Make him cry, man
26:11to the women's institute oh did you get rid of that other monstrosity by the way this
26:34morning I forgot to ask never won't see the likes of that again what is it for them do you think about
26:43American policemen that's so exciting yes it's hard to imagine having an erotic fantasy about
26:49officer dibble and top cut must just be a combination of that kind of thing and cut
26:58policemen and oh no you would
27:09yesterday afternoon when you bought that stuff from dodgy douglas yes
27:26he said he had some nice popcorn out the back if you fancied it yes and you said
27:35go God Victor what what have I done now that tape didn't come out of Pippa's bag in there at all it
27:47must have fallen out of yours how could it come out of my back when you came out of that shop
27:52yesterday afternoon you came out with a video of cop porn
27:55and if that wasn't bad enough we've just handed it over to what are they going to think
28:07right I'll be off in a sec then you're going to be all right this evening I'm not going to come
28:22home and find you with a marmite lid up your bottom or anything
28:25trench I'm sorry Mr. Mildrew video yes yes I did give the title a quick glance something to do with
28:39Canadian Mounties wasn't it yes it happens I was up at the hospital this morning they were appealing
28:44for donations for the new children's annex books videos toys that sort of thing and there was a big
28:50plastic skip just inside the door so I put it in there sorry Miss Mildrew are you all right
28:55it sounded like you were having some kind of pulmonary embolism
29:00video what video is this then this one here containing hardcore gay pornography
29:06like what compelled him to give it to me in the first place will almost certainly never be known
29:12but it is I fear a deranged act which cannot go unpunished it's in a bin at the Chartres General
29:23and that casualty closes at eight the cases are passed on to the Bedford well we can't just leave it
29:29there no we certainly can't why is it whenever you are in a good mood I break out in a cold sweat
29:44go on what have you found just a brief but rather satisfying item in the local under the heading
29:51angling for trouble says police were called to the accident emergency wing of the Charterist General
29:56on Friday night to investigate reports of a madman on the hospital roof believed to be in his 60s was
30:03discovered squatting near a hole in a glass skylight where he appeared to be fishing into a box of toys
30:08as the officers watched he proceeded to reel in a succession of videocassettes each of which he
30:15unhooked glanced at and then threw back again the man who was later escorted off the premises screaming
30:22incoherently about popcorn was subsequently identified as a mister etc etc etc so I suppose
30:29they're on top of the world now look at this I sent a pocket calculator away to be repaired
30:44and they come back and all this lot I've just been talking to Mr. Sweeney out there he's in a good mood
30:54apparently that Skip Holberman's just been blown up by a landmine he's taken it as a sign you're better
31:01off not trying to be a hero I mean this is the ultimate proof isn't it that we are descended from apes
31:07polystyrene bloody stuff what are you supposed to do with it you can't fold it you can't squash it
31:13you can't bend it don't stop oh stop that look this little white globule stuck in the carpet like
31:21dandruff if you must do that take it outside now then I know what this will be cousin Ivor
31:27dropped him a line to ask him when he wanted me to give my talk
31:32oh wonderful well that's that then why what did he say dear Victor thank you for your recent inquiry
31:51unfortunately when we asked if you could address a meeting of the women's institute we were not being
31:56entirely serious can you imagine Gladys says trying to sell tickets to a talk by Victor Meldrew we
32:07wouldn't be able to pay people to come exclamation mark our best wishes and love to Margaret Ivor
32:20I'd buy a ticket
32:21what's coming from
32:30it's
32:32you
32:33it's
32:34until
32:34it's
32:40it's
32:45it phone
32:47it's
32:51I didn't want it to end
33:21let's go ladies and gentlemen I hope that you enjoyed this episode I don't know if that's joy right
33:37there but if when you when you get packages you know those little bubble stuff that you can just
33:42kind of pop and squeeze and shit I love doing that shit anyways we're going to talk about it
33:47I'm thinking the code word should be popcorn but I'm torn uh I was going to use another word but
33:53we'll leave it at popcorn ladies and gentlemen leave that in the comments down below let's talk
33:58about it hold on a second thank you so much for hanging out ladies uh ladies and gentlemen I hope
34:03that you enjoyed it number one uh Mr. Sweeney got us in the fields a uh heartfelt moment between him
34:10and and Margaret I love their relationship together uh such a great powerful friendship he really is
34:17one of their best neighbors so just the thought that this man was gonna leave
34:24and you know got me a little sad and when he reached in to hug we've said it countless times that you
34:29know he's one of the few people that doesn't dislike um you know our boy Victor Meldrew he's had too many
34:35run-ins with people uh in the neighborhood kids dislike him obviously Patrick is his you know his
34:42his nemesis uh you know he's like Megatron and my man's his Optimus Prime man he's got his one nemesis
34:50there and I loved how all these little events you know even from the starting you got this prick
34:57who's throwing out shit in the water you know throwing all this trash that would piss me off ladies and
35:03gentlemen and I love that Victor takes action you know what I mean he's thinking about it you see
35:11him kind of like you know should I do this you know he's he's positive he's thinking about it
35:17and you know he he does what Victor Meldrew does and you know he handles business his own way you
35:23know everybody has a way of handling shit and his way is definitely a way that just is so absolutely
35:30funny putting worm you know you know maggots or whatever in this guy's food utterly disgusting
35:37ladies and gentlemen but we gotta say he got himself a little taste of his own medicine on this episode
35:45you know it came back to you know uh you know kick him in the ass uh but at least not as bad as the
35:51experience that uh Patrick is gonna add that shit was crazy man uh popcorn moments here uh you
36:00know too hot for tv moments on this episode um you know the missus getting you know probably
36:07traumatized on this shit man her facial expressions you know Victor just like you know jaw dropping
36:14moments there but man uh this was another banger episode ladies and gentlemen it had a little bit
36:21of everything but I was really torn for a second you know uh what'd you guys think about that hug
36:26moment between them uh Mr. Sweeney and Victor uh you know I was sad I was like shit my man is gonna
36:33leave man damn man just when you know they've been there you know we're watching six series now and
36:38shit but they've been there a long time you know you know uh throughout the course of the series but
36:43I would have been real gutted if he's gone so good laugh out loud moment when he's just
36:49you know just basically you know like two doors down you know what I mean like he's just he's right
36:54there man so I was happy about that um when you see I guess you say the spitting image of Patrick you
37:01got Patrick Jr. here uh and they're both you know almost similar similarly dressed uh definitely got
37:08the same mannerisms uh acting the same minus you know where uh people lets us know that you know he
37:15he plays for the other team he's gay and uh I love how you know that information
37:22goes to to Margaret which eventually goes to uh you know my boy Victor and shit because he's gotta
37:31return this tape uh you know later into the episode
37:35and because of that uh you know anal probing kind of scenario which was a crazy crazy scenario
37:45this show does a great job and just what's next you know what I mean like it just has so many
37:52elements to the show that we love crazy scenarios obviously scenes of grimness uh you know he had
37:59some I don't I don't even know how to describe that scene but it was a crazy ass scene man between him
38:06oh my god and then you know he's walking he can't walk right because he's got plate he's got something
38:13in there that has never been in there before you know and you know he's got that lavender umbrella
38:19and you know Victor's like yeah you got gay brothers spitting image you know you got all that
38:24information and he gives him the fucking tape so this is why I love this show I do love that
38:32you know Patrick has done in many instances try to get back at Mr. Meldrew because a lot of times he
38:38you know he thinks it's hey this guy's playing a sick joke on me so there is no dull moments
38:44on this show I would have paid for a ticket to see uh you know him do a talk you know what I mean
38:50uh because it's just he's just so damn brilliant man Margaret's performance fantastic Pippa
38:56I felt bad for her man you know what's how bad is only you know having one pad you know how what
39:04how could it get even worse one Patrick you got two Patrick's essentially with the brother there
39:09and boy man that would have done my head in man I felt so bad for her in those moments but you gotta
39:15laugh at the situation the crazy um garage door scenario then they ended up having into a door
39:24man that shit that's definitely one way to make an entrance there man that's some crazy ass shit but
39:29I think this was another banger episode plenty of enjoyable moments grim moments uh the fishing
39:35situation uh you know hearing the story when Patrick is you know telling the tale to uh Pippa
39:41is comedy gold man this show never disappoints man I had an absolute blast hopefully you guys did as
39:47well uh use that code word in the comments down below uh thank you so much for accompanying me on my
39:52journey uh stay tuned uh next week we'll go watch another episode but thank you for accompanying me
39:58uh don't forget to hit that subscribe it's free to do thank you to those who do those things we'll see
40:03soon peace