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'S 'Up' #comedy #tv #entertainment
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TVTranscript
00:11To be continued...
00:41MUSIC PLAYS
00:44Land of hope and glory
00:49Something, something else
00:51Land of hope and glor...
00:54Glor...
00:57Glory, that is where I live
01:00Land of hope and glory
01:05Morning!
01:08Oh, what a lovely day!
01:11God, I love Sundays!
01:13Sunday papers, stroll in the park, church
01:16and back home for a nice big joint of good old English beef
01:20Strawberries and cream, a spot of tennis
01:22and a smile in the heart of every true Englishman
01:26Morning, vicar! Lovely day!
01:29Charming!
01:31Somebody got out of bed the wrong side this morning
01:33Mind you, he got out of the womb the wrong side
01:36And the same to you with brass knobs on, you steaming great twat
01:40Oh, I do feel great today
01:42Oh, the English summertime
01:43Gets you right there, doesn't it, Eddie?
01:46Eddie?
01:48Eddie, have you ever seen such glorious sunshine?
01:52Close the curtain, I'm trying to watch the TV
01:54Oh, Eddie, don't be like that!
01:56We should be out there, playing cricket
01:59Come on!
02:00It's Sunday, it's a day of rest
02:03Absolutely nothing to do for 24 hours
02:06Must have been like every other day then, really, isn't it?
02:08Oh, come on, Eddie
02:09We can't sit around watching videos all day
02:13It's a lovely day, the bluebirds are singing...
02:15Close the curtain, it's just about to get to the exciting bit
02:19Now!
02:20OK, right, right, OK
02:26Well, this is great, isn't it?
02:35Yes, it's just dandy
02:38I cooked you a breakfast, you know
02:41Can't find it now
02:43I'll have to get the torch out
02:46Oh!
02:49Breakfast!
02:51Where are you, breakfast?
02:53What is it?
02:54It's your favourite, Eddie
02:55I cooked you your
02:57Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da!
03:00Sunday fish finger!
03:02Better than, like fish fingers
03:04Oh, no, of course, you don't, do you?
03:05I make that mistake every Sunday, don't I?
03:08Oh, well, never mind
03:08I'll eat yours for you
03:22Who's that, anyway?
03:24Oh, that's Mother bear
03:25I thought she was...
03:27I thought she was dead
03:29No, no, that's Mr Rabbit
03:32Anyway, he's not dead. He's just asleep in the Dingley Dell.
03:35That's how he's missed his birthday tea and why they're all out looking for him.
03:43It's not very sexy, is it?
03:46No.
03:48I must say, I expected a lot more from the furry honeypot adventure.
03:59I think this is for kids, you know, Eddie.
04:03I think those Hussein brothers saw you coming again.
04:06What else did you get?
04:10Big jugs.
04:11Big jugs! All right!
04:14A history of pottery in the 19th century.
04:20Anything else?
04:22Well, this one's a surefire hit.
04:24Look, Swedish lesbians in blackcurrant jam.
04:28Yabba-dabba-doo!
04:30No, Eddie, it's Swedish legends in blackcurrant jam making.
04:34Oh, come on, it's got to be dirty.
04:36It's a Swedish.
04:39Oh, what a disaster!
04:41That's my whole Sunday ruined!
04:43I spent an hour choosing them.
04:44What a swizz!
04:47Oh, well.
04:48Maybe we should stick with the furry honeypot adventure.
04:50You never know.
04:51It might perk up in a minute.
04:54Hey, look.
04:54Here comes that rabbit again.
04:56Well, yeah.
04:56Well, now he's up.
04:57We should be on for a bit of action.
04:58Yeah, I mean, he's a rabbit, for Christ's sake.
05:02Right, here he goes into the house.
05:04And there's Mrs. Bear.
05:06Go on, my son!
05:08What?
05:09Who's creeping up behind her?
05:10Oh, he's going to surprise her.
05:13And here come all the little baby bears.
05:17And they're all singing happy birthday and having a bit of a dance.
05:24It's not going to get very dirty, is it?
05:27No, no.
05:29You can sort of tell that, can't you?
05:30By the way it says, the end.
05:34Well, I'm bloody sick.
05:36I don't mind telling you.
05:37Well, I'm rather glad they weren't dirty, actually.
05:39I don't think that, as a Christian, I could look myself in the face whilst watching a dirty video.
05:44I mean, it's Sunday, for Christ's sake.
05:46I mean, for heaven's sake.
05:47I mean, for goodness sake.
05:48And are the masses all in church, praising the Lord's name?
05:51No, they're all down the vid shop trying to get their hands on pervy nights in Bangkok.
05:55It's ironic, isn't it?
05:57There's plenty of wailing and gnashing of teeth going on, but it's not happening in church.
06:00When did you last go to church?
06:02Well, I don't have to go.
06:04I'm Church of England.
06:06What are you, Eddie?
06:07I don't know.
06:09Well, what was your mother?
06:10A wrestler.
06:15Well, maybe that's enough general knowledge for one day.
06:18Go away!
06:19Hello, gentlemen.
06:20Mr. Harrison.
06:21Hello.
06:21Look, sorry about the rent.
06:23No, no.
06:23The fact is that Krugerrand's just crashed, so we had to move into junk bonds,
06:27and we couldn't get them out of Lixenstein until the end of the month.
06:29I knew you'd understand.
06:30That was a close one.
06:32Come in.
06:33Oh, this is intolerable.
06:34Talk about that, man.
06:35Look, I'm not here for the rent.
06:37Oh, great.
06:38Come in.
06:38Sit down.
06:39Eddie, a cup of tea.
06:40Oh, yes, please.
06:43Look, boys, you've got to help me.
06:44I'm in a dreadful fix.
06:45I completely forgot about my stupid mother's bloody funeral.
06:49Is she dead?
06:50Well, let's hope so.
06:51Bloody coughing cost me 200 quid.
06:54Cal?
06:54Anyway, I've got to go.
06:56Please, can you run a shop for me?
06:57I'm sorry, Mr. Harrison, but I have to confess to being, frankly, really rather shocked.
07:01I mean, me run a shop on a Sunday of all things.
07:05Absolutely not.
07:0650 quid.
07:07You're on.
07:09Right away, I've got to be impinged by noon.
07:11Come on, I'll show you the ropes.
07:12Oh, no, no.
07:12I don't do lifting.
07:13You'll have to show Eddie the ropes.
07:14Show me the till.
07:16No, no, no, no.
07:17Show me the drinks cabinet and the sign that says clothes.
07:21I don't want to go.
07:22Just stick them in a bin, all this palaver.
07:25Mr. Harrison, have you got a sort of white coat or something so that everyone knows that
07:28I'm the shopkeeper?
07:29Yeah, hang on, I'll get you one.
07:31Here on.
07:32Here's one for you, Eddie.
07:32Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
07:35Haven't you got a sort of brown one for him?
07:37Oh, of course we have.
07:38Well, what about a little badge or something that just says assistant?
07:41What are you talking about?
07:43Look, I'm in a hurry.
07:44All right, all right.
07:45Well, look, Eddie, you'll just have to put your jacket on back to front or something.
07:48Piss off.
07:50Oh, don't kick up a stink, Eddie.
07:51I know what I'm doing.
07:52It's nothing personal.
07:53It's just that there is a sort of upstairs, downstairs thing to any shopping experience which the shopper
07:58needs to feel reassured about.
07:59All right.
08:03Now, everybody knows who everybody is.
08:05Everybody happy now?
08:06Yes, thank you.
08:06Right, there's £30 in change in the till.
08:08If you just sign there, I'd better be off.
08:10See you later.
08:11£200 for a coffin.
08:13And I set fire to the bastard.
08:16It's been all right, isn't it, Eddie?
08:17Yeah.
08:18Shame he hasn't got a video section.
08:21It's a very dignified thing being a shopkeeper, don't you think?
08:25You know, there's power, integrity, snazzy coat.
08:32Yeah.
08:34Yeah.
08:36Morning.
08:38Morning.
08:40Morning, your lordship.
08:42Oh, yes, plenty of gravy mix.
08:44You help yourself.
08:45I'll just put it on the slate.
08:50Oi, what do you think you're doing?
08:53Shoplifting, eh, Sonny?
08:55Eh?
08:56Eh?
08:57Eh?
08:59What's the matter?
09:00Haven't you got enough money?
09:01So you thought you'd take it out on me just because I earn so much money?
09:08Snack, snack, snack.
09:11Only kidding, little kitty.
09:13Go on, take your Jaffa cakes and run along.
09:15Go on.
09:16Off you go.
09:18Oh, God, why did you make me so nice?
09:22Has he gone?
09:23Right.
09:24Beep, beep, beep, beep.
09:25Hello, police.
09:27I want to report a theft.
09:29Yeah, it was little Johnny Cartwright from the flats.
09:31Nail the sucker.
09:32Bust his ass.
09:33Yeah, I want him doing 20 to 10 in the pen.
09:36What do you mean no evidence?
09:38What about the goddamn Jaffa cakes, asswipe?
09:41Yeah, bullshit.
09:43Bullshit.
09:44Yeah, well, I'm going to get Mayor Dooley to...
09:48What's the matter?
09:50Are you mad?
09:53Do you want some of this?
09:54Do you?
09:56Because you're going to get it, you old git.
09:57You're going to get it right out of this, right up your bracket.
09:59Right out of this, right in your face.
10:02That's right, run, go on.
10:03Just like you did at Goose Green.
10:05Archie!
10:08Morning.
10:14See?
10:15British shopkeeping, Eddie.
10:16Best in the world.
10:18Yes, yes.
10:21Tuna.
10:22Good.
10:24We're a nation of shopkeepers, you know.
10:25Oh, yeah.
10:30That's what makes us so great, you know.
10:32They don't call it Great Luxembourg, do they?
10:35Or Great France.
10:36What's so great about being a nation of shopkeepers?
10:39What's so great about being a nation of shopkeepers?
10:41Yeah, what's so great about it?
10:44Well, it makes us superior to everyone else.
10:46Because we know how to run a corner shop.
10:49Good grief, Eddie.
10:49It only takes an ounce of brain power to see that.
10:52Well, that should suit you perfectly, then.
10:55How do you mean?
10:56I don't understand that.
10:58God!
11:00The whole cast of Brookside are lesbians.
11:03British journalism, Eddie.
11:05Best in the world.
11:07Bloody Nora!
11:09Neil Kinnock's grandparents were homosexual Martians.
11:15He's kept quiet about that, hasn't he?
11:17Lucky I read that.
11:18I was going to vote Labour.
11:20You know the Great British scoop, Eddie?
11:22I'd like to see the Amsterdam Evening News dig up something like that.
11:26Frogs.
11:27Well, excuse me.
11:29You can get A's from bicycling.
11:31I know.
11:32I know.
11:33And isn't it funny that you only read that sort of thing in a British newspaper?
11:38Yeah, well, you don't read French or Italian papers, do you?
11:42Well, I don't speak French or Italian.
11:44Good grief, Eddie.
11:44Hold together a cogent argument, why don't you?
11:47Oh, here we go.
11:49Holidays in the Algarve.
11:51Look at this.
11:53No electricity, no running water and 1,500 quid a month.
11:57People pay for this.
11:59South of France.
12:00We bloody invented it, mate.
12:02George III.
12:03He was the one.
12:03All that swimming business.
12:05And the windbreak.
12:06Who invented that?
12:07We did.
12:08The Brits.
12:09Never mind covering yourself in Mazzola and lying around with a bit of string up, you crap.
12:14Quick dip in the briny, dig up a lugworm and back in the car before you get pneumonia.
12:18Yep, that's good enough for me.
12:20Oh, look at this.
12:2238 quid return coach trip to Nice, Nude Beach.
12:26Excuse me, I didn't get my paper this morning.
12:30So?
12:31It's not my problem.
12:32You're more careful.
12:34No, it wasn't delivered.
12:36Oh, I get it.
12:39Trying to get a free paper, aren't we?
12:41Spend all morning doing that.
12:42And you could open up a little paper shop, couldn't you?
12:45Look, I don't know what your game is, but I didn't get my paper delivered this morning.
12:50Now, I have the mail on Sunday, so if I could just take one now, please.
12:53No, that's the last poppy.
12:54Okay, I'll take that one.
12:55Hang on, hang on.
12:56I'm reading that.
12:57Yeah, but it's mine.
12:59Look, it's even got my name on it.
13:00What's your name, is it?
13:0255P.
13:04Mr. 55P.
13:06No, my name is Cooper.
13:08Look, it's written in biro in the corner.
13:12All right, then, Mr. Cooper.
13:14There's your paper.
13:15Good morning.
13:16Where's the rest of it?
13:18What do you mean?
13:19Where's the rest of it?
13:20I would like the rest of my paper.
13:22Well, then I suggest you go outside, knock, and come in and ask for it nicely.
13:26What?
13:27Fuck!
13:29See you, Eddie.
13:30Yeah, bye, John.
13:38Thug.
13:39British thugs, Richie.
13:41Best in the world.
13:44Damn.
13:45We should have written down the particulars of that nudie beach trip.
13:48Well, there is a nudie beach in Brighton, you know.
13:51It's £12.69 exactly on the Intercity Saver, and the nipples are bigger.
13:56It's a cold wind.
13:58They've got these telescopes so you put 20 pence in.
14:01It's very discreet.
14:03Ah, let's go.
14:04No, no, no, no.
14:06We've got to run the shop.
14:07That's what makes us British, you see, Eddie.
14:09The average frog or Brussels sprout to be halfway down the A3 by now,
14:12polishing up his zoom lens and sticking bits of garlic up his bum.
14:15Not us.
14:16Well, not you, maybe.
14:18Eddie, stand firm.
14:19Where were you at Agincourt?
14:21I stayed on the bus, remember?
14:23With, um, Ethel Cardew.
14:25No, no, shut up.
14:26I wasn't talking about that.
14:27Oh, that's why you don't like France.
14:29I don't want to hear this.
14:31You don't like France,
14:32because you've only ever had one bird,
14:35and I shagged her
14:36on the Christmas Club coat strip to Bruges.
14:41Eddie, she was my fiancée.
14:43Well, she didn't know that.
14:45Well, I hadn't told her yet, had I?
14:46I was going to propose to her,
14:48but I wanted to make it romantic.
14:50That's why I decided to take her on a cultural tour
14:52of the battlefields of the Low Countries.
14:54Yeah, but I decided to come along, didn't I?
14:57Yes.
14:57I'll show to the Low Countries, all right.
15:00I'll show to the Nether Regions.
15:01All right, all right.
15:02They came at Bruges.
15:04They came at Agincourt.
15:05Oh, talk about the Battle of the Bulge.
15:08Well, I'd blame myself for being carsick all over her.
15:12It's all going to day, isn't it?
15:14And a very good morning to you, sir,
15:16and how may I be of assistance to you on this merry day?
15:19And good morning to you.
15:20Now, assistant, what I'd like this fine morning...
15:23Excuse me, hang on, hang on, hang on.
15:25Let's just get one thing clear, shall we?
15:28I am not an assistant.
15:30I am a shopkeeper.
15:31Is there a difference?
15:32Is there a difference?
15:33I've got a white coat on and he's got his jacket on back to front.
15:36And that's just the tip of the iceberg, mate.
15:38So let's show a bit of respect, shall we?
15:40What would you like?
15:42Uh, that champagne, please.
15:46Are you 18?
15:47No, I'm 54.
15:51I want three bottles.
15:53What, you're an alcoholic?
15:54It's my daughter's birthday.
15:56Oh, it's his daughter's birthday,
15:57so he's going to drink three bottles of champagne.
15:59Well, there's modern parenthood for you.
16:02What do you think you're doing with that?
16:03Uh, this is a checkbook.
16:06But this card only guarantees you for 50 pounds.
16:09And I'm afraid these items cost more than 50 pounds.
16:12I'm terribly sorry.
16:13You're going to have to...
16:16A check will do nicely.
16:17Just make it out to Eddie Hitler.
16:20Hitler?
16:22Any relation?
16:23Yes.
16:27So this is you, is it?
16:29This sort of squiggle is you.
16:31And what do you do for a living?
16:31You're some sort of modern artist, are you?
16:33I am a doctor.
16:35Now, bugger off.
16:37Oh, that's a witty, isn't it?
16:39Took you five years at medical school to learn that one, did it?
16:42On my money.
16:42Let's not forget that.
16:44Bloody students.
16:45You're all the same.
16:46I don't know why you don't just go and live in Russia.
16:48Go on, get out of my shop.
16:49Go on, bugger out of it.
16:51Go on, on your bicycle.
16:54Good grief, Eddie.
16:55Sometimes I think there's only you and me left.
16:58Eddie.
17:00Eddie.
17:01Eddie?
17:02Eddie?
17:03Eddie?
17:05Eddie?
17:07What do you think you're doing?
17:09I am going to watch some cricket.
17:11You can't do that.
17:12What about the shop?
17:13I've had it with that shop assistant, Lark.
17:15I resign.
17:19Well, you won't get your share of the money, you know.
17:21Well, I'm all right, mate.
17:22I've already got a cheque for 53 quid.
17:24You bastard.
17:25Yep, that's me.
17:26You're not going to get away with this, you miner.
17:29This is Britain.
17:30Do you hear me?
17:31Britain.
17:32You're not allowed to go on strike anymore.
17:33It's illegal.
17:35And don't forget, I'm a mason.
17:37Yeah.
17:40I've only got to drop the nod to Scotland Yard,
17:42and this place will be full of armoured horses and tear gas
17:44before you can say vote Labour.
17:46What are you doing, Eddie?
17:47Don't you worry, Richie.
17:48You are going to watch the cricket, too.
17:51I am not.
17:52I have got social responsibilities.
17:54See this little old lady.
17:56We shall not fail her.
17:58See her walking.
17:59See her enormous son walking next to her.
18:02She looks like the one I threatened earlier.
18:05See his mighty tattoos.
18:07I think he's going to whack me.
18:09That's the one.
18:10Hello.
18:13You were right.
18:15Maybe watching the cricket would be a bit safer, Eddie.
18:18What's the plan?
18:19Well, we sit up on the roof,
18:22watching the cricket and having a bit of a picnic.
18:24Someone comes into the shop.
18:26They open the door.
18:27The bell rings.
18:28We come down and serve them.
18:30Sounds smashing.
18:31Come on, let's get out of here.
18:32Rightio, young sonny Jim.
18:33Old fella, me lad.
18:34Meaty skip, me old pal from the bridey.
18:36Let's fill up the picnic camp.
18:47Here he comes.
18:49Here he comes.
18:51And he's out.
18:53No, no, hang on now.
18:55I know he's back in again.
18:58She's closed the curtains.
19:02How's the cricket going?
19:03Well, it still hasn't started yet.
19:09His stumps are very big, aren't they?
19:12Let's have a look.
19:17That's the rugby ground.
19:21Cricket's over there.
19:23Oh, yes!
19:28What's going on?
19:30They've broken for lunch.
19:33Why are you putting mayonnaise on your face?
19:35It's not mayonnaise, it's suntan lotion.
19:39Never heard of low-calorie suntan lotion.
19:42What?
19:43Oh, no!
19:44Blast!
19:45Oh, God!
19:46Oh, no!
19:49Well, where's the suntan lotion, then?
19:51You squirted that into your cheese roll.
19:54But I ate that.
19:56Yeah, I know.
19:57Well, why didn't you tell me?
19:59Because I don't like it very much.
20:04Now I know you're joking me.
20:09Oh, this is the life, isn't it?
20:14I should have been a farmer, you know.
20:16I really am an earth child.
20:19I know the deep movement.
20:22Only deep movement you know is when you've had a curry.
20:27I am part Red Indian, you know.
20:31I'll be the curry again.
20:32No, I am.
20:33Cherokee.
20:34Do you know, I can even tell when it's going to rain.
20:38How do you do that?
20:39Well, I sort of look up, mystically, you know.
20:44Check out the sky.
20:46If I see any black clouds, that's it, I think.
20:50Rain.
20:51What was your Red Indian name, then?
20:54Running Mouth.
20:56Sitting Down.
21:00Talking Bollocks.
21:07Dances with the wind.
21:09That'll be the curry again.
21:11Look, I'd advise you to take me seriously, young man, or I might very well make it rain.
21:16Oh, that'll be good.
21:17Go on, then.
21:18Breezy trousers, or whatever you like it.
21:20I'll make it rain.
21:21Eddie, you don't dabble with the deep forces.
21:23Look, there's not a cloud in the sky.
21:26I'll give you 25 quid if you can make it rain.
21:29You're on.
21:30Right.
21:30I shall need a tomahawk.
21:32Oh, this'll do.
21:34No, it's good, actually.
21:35Right.
21:36Now, this may not work properly, Eddie.
21:38I'm used to working in moccasins.
21:41Right.
21:42Put up your brolly.
21:42This is going to be a big one.
21:45Hi-oh!
21:46Oh, Jesus.
21:46Oh.
21:49Oh, my lapapion.
21:50Oh, my lapapion.
21:51Oh, my lapapion.
21:53Oh, my lapapion.
21:54Oh, my lapapion.
21:55Oh, my lapapion.
21:56Oh, my lapapion.
21:57It worked.
21:58Look, Eddie.
22:00Oh, bloody hell.
22:01Oh, God.
22:03Oh, I must have used the wrong chant.
22:04What are you going to do now, then?
22:06Bring down a typhoon of buffalo dunks?
22:11I'd advise you to take me seriously, mate,
22:12or I'll invoke the big spirit.
22:14He doesn't mess around.
22:15Oh, pull the other one, mate.
22:17He's got bells on.
22:21How'd you do that?
22:23Mystical forces, Eddie.
22:25Mystical forces.
22:27Rubbish.
22:28It's the shop.
22:28We've got a customer.
22:31Eddie?
22:32Careful with that step.
22:34What step?
22:34What?
22:35Ah!
22:46Eddie?
22:48I've got a lovely chair for you.
22:51Eddie?
22:53Maybe he's not coming up.
22:56Eddie!
22:58Eddie!
22:59I'm stuck on the roof, Eddie.
23:00I'm trapped.
23:00I can't open it from out here.
23:02Eddie, mayday.
23:03Mayday!
23:04Mayday!
23:08You OK, Richie?
23:10I think I've broken my nose.
23:12Oh, come on.
23:12You better sit down.
23:13Oh, come on.
23:16Thanks, mate.
23:18Oh, my back.
23:21Well, you're lucky, mate.
23:23You should see what just happened downstairs.
23:25Why?
23:26Who was it?
23:27Well, that's the strange thing.
23:28There was no one there.
23:30Just this bloke lying in the doorway with a bell in the back of his head.
23:33Did you put the bell back up?
23:34Well, certainly did, mate.
23:38Now, the customer, your turn.
23:40Oh, er, be an angel, Eddie.
23:42I've smashed my face in and broken my back.
23:44I don't think I can handle three flights.
23:47Three quid.
23:48Two pound fifty.
23:48Six quid.
23:49You're on.
23:50You're on.
23:50Doesn't do to haggle with Eddie too long.
23:53Ow, ow.
23:55Eddie?
23:55Yeah?
23:56Be careful with that step.
23:57Right.
23:57Wah!
24:00Da-da-da-da.
24:02Ha-ha-ha.
24:03Ha-ha.
24:08Try the string here.
24:12There.
24:13Oh, careful.
24:14Careful.
24:15Right.
24:16I need some bait.
24:17What does Eddie like best?
24:18A pickled onion sandwich.
24:20Right.
24:22Yeah.
24:23Ha-ha-ha-ha.
24:25Perfect.
24:27Eddie.
24:28Oh, Eddie.
24:29I've made your favourite.
24:30A pickled onion sandwich.
24:33Right.
24:35I hide here.
24:36Eddie comes up.
24:37Sees the sandwich.
24:38Says, oh, pickled onion sandwich.
24:39My favourite.
24:40I pull the string.
24:42Cricket bat comes out.
24:43Whap!
24:43Eddie gets the full force of the trap door in the back of the head.
24:46Nothing can go wrong.
24:49Oh, great.
24:50A pickled onion sandwich, my favourite.
24:52Right, get a load of this, you bastard.
24:55Ha-ha!
24:55I've got you.
24:57Eddie, you stupid idiot.
24:59You let the trap door shut.
25:00We're stuck on the roof now.
25:01Well, how's that my fault?
25:02Well, you were supposed to stop it with your head.
25:05I didn't know anything about this.
25:07Well, of course you didn't.
25:07It was a surprise.
25:08It was a joke.
25:09Well, that would have worked, wouldn't it?
25:11Exactly.
25:12That's what was so funny about it.
25:14Don't you dare.
25:18Another customer.
25:20But we're stuck on the roof, Eddie.
25:22Well, what about the fire escape?
25:23No good.
25:24It collapsed, remember, when Tubbs Lardy won that bet that it wouldn't hold his weight.
25:27Oh, yeah, I remember shocking this.
25:29That dustbin's still flat.
25:30I know.
25:31And the cat's still in it.
25:31You can hear it when you shake it about.
25:33Well, what are we going to do about this customer?
25:35Well, perhaps you should shout down and tell him that some bald-headed loony tune has trapped
25:39us on the roof forever, so we're probably unlikely to be popping down to serve him today.
25:43Now, that's not going to work.
25:44Why not?
25:45Because he's lying on the pavement unconscious with a bell in the back of his head.
25:50Oh, hang on, hang on.
25:51Someone's coming to help him.
25:53Oh, no, they're not, no, they're just nicking his wallet.
25:56Have they got his wedding ring yet?
25:58Well, not yet.
25:58Well, come on, let's get down there.
25:59You know what vultures they like round here.
26:01Look, we cannot get off the roof.
26:02Oh, don't be ridiculous.
26:03There must be some way.
26:05Well, couldn't we make a parachute out of your trousers?
26:07Well, we could make an aircraft hanger out of yours.
26:10Well, you start calling me Mr. Wobbly Bottom, young lad.
26:13And why not, Mr. Two Planets Colliding in a Pair of Pants?
26:18Well, you're a fine one to talk.
26:19Every time you bend over, it's like watching two zeppelins having it off.
26:22Look, this is no time for a discussion about the vastness of your bottom.
26:26We have got to get off the roof, you madman.
26:28They're looting the shop.
26:30They are.
26:31They're looting the shop.
26:32What?
26:33You put those Frosties back immediately.
26:35You bring back that dream topping.
26:37I'm writing all this down, you know.
26:38I know who you are.
26:40Once I find out your names, you'll all be for the high jump.
26:43That's it, Eddie.
26:44Jump.
26:44Why don't you jump?
26:45Go on, it's only you.
26:48You'd be doing a service.
26:49You might even get a George Cross.
26:50I might get two broken legs.
26:53The drainpipe.
26:54I'm a genius.
26:55Look, it's staring us right in the face.
26:57Oh, and off you go, old mate.
26:58No, no.
26:58Why don't you go?
27:00Because I've got mayonnaise all over my face.
27:02What would they think?
27:04You bring those shelves back!
27:06I'm getting serious.
27:07This is going to cost us a fortune.
27:10Money?
27:11Yeah, we're going to have to pay for all of this.
27:12Right.
27:12I'm on my way.
27:18Oh, I forgot about the string.
27:22What string?
27:24The string that pulls everything onto the...
27:30Andy, are you all right?
27:33It's the car.
27:35That's it.
27:35Now, fight off all the looters.
27:38Yeah, get the big one with the tattoos.
27:40No, you're supposed to hit him.
27:43Look, forget it.
27:43Just come inside and lock the doors of the shop.
27:45And come up here and get me off this bloody roof.
27:57That's the last time I'm coming up here on this ditched roof.
28:00Why can't I never remember the old maxim,
28:02if you want to have a good time, forget it.
28:10Tara!
28:13Tara!
28:14Ha ha ha ha!
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