'The Gig and the Girlfriend' Simon takes Tara, a girl in the class below him, to a gig at a pub where to impress her, he has told her that he can get any dr*gs - courtesy of Jay. #tv #comedy #series
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00:00MUSIC
00:20Jay was full of helpful tips, and this morning's were about how to make the most of the space in
00:25your caravan.
00:26So I had one bent over the table here. There was one up here who I was fingering, and I
00:30was just toe-fucking the one on the floor.
00:31Whilst your parents were sleeping in bunk beds just over there.
00:34Quality. It's amazing how good you are with birds, Jay.
00:37What can I say? It's a gift.
00:39So when do we get to meet these three lucky ladies?
00:41Well, you can't. They've gone back to the Playboy Mansion.
00:42Course, cos if you lived in the Playboy Mansion, you'd definitely holiday in Great Yarmouth.
00:46Well, they did. I told you you should have come on holiday with us, Si.
00:49I don't want made-up Playboy models. I just want a nice girlfriend who'll maybe have sex with me.
00:53I'll read in my sister's gratia that birds like it if you ask them questions.
00:57If you want to get a girlfriend, you should probably try that.
00:59Really?
00:59Yeah, that works.
01:00Course, the only question I ask them is which hole do you want it in first.
01:02Great, thanks.
01:03What are you lot up to? Is Jay showing you where he used to shag the cushions?
01:07He thinks me and his mum don't know about that.
01:09Come on, Dad.
01:10We've had to replace the covers twice.
01:12Jay was just telling us about the birds he pulled in Norfolk.
01:14Oh, right, was he?
01:15Yeah, you remember, right, Dad?
01:17Well, he's a total bullshitter then.
01:18Cos the only pussy he's ever touched was his mum's when he fell out of it.
01:22See you later.
01:26He's such a wind-up merchant.
01:29So, with Mr Cartwright confirming that Jay hadn't hosted an orgy on the fold-out table,
01:33we began to question a few other things he'd said.
01:35Oh, yeah, what else have I ever said this bullshit?
01:37That your mate can squeeze himself into a microwave?
01:39Yeah, a good-sized one.
01:40That your dad fought Muhammad Ali as an amateur and beat him?
01:43It was on a points decision.
01:44And I was dressed from this morning.
01:45I could go on.
01:50Is Fag's not funny?
01:52Holy shit!
01:52Was Donovan smoking drugs?
01:54In the open?
01:55On a school day?
01:56Don't shit yourself talk to, Frank.
01:58It's just a bit of puff.
01:59Everyone does a bit of puff.
02:00Alright, do they?
02:01It's just I don't, you don't, and not as anyone we know.
02:04What are you talking about?
02:05I do it all the time.
02:06Oh, do you?
02:07Yes, but obviously not with you sados.
02:08I do it with my older mate.
02:09Has this imaginary mate got a name, then?
02:11Look, I go around his, we get nicely stoned listening to music.
02:13A bit of reggae.
02:14Or we go to gigs.
02:16Everyone does it at gigs.
02:17Just pass the puff around, share the love.
02:19The birds love it.
02:20Is it true it makes your teeth feel funny?
02:23Yeah, but I'm hardcore, so it doesn't really affect me.
02:25Well, it is true the effects are lessened if you only pretend to take it.
02:28Not that I have to prove anything to you, Mugs,
02:30but the other day we got his dog stoned, and he got them munching,
02:32so he ran away for an hour.
02:34When he'd come back, it nicked a packet of obnobs from the all-night garage.
02:36What does that even mean?
02:38All you need to know is I can get you as much gear as you like, whenever you like.
02:41I don't want any, ever.
02:42I suppose when you think about it, everything's drugs, isn't it?
02:44No, not really.
02:46Yeah, you know, like beer, this spring, coffee, trainers, chicken nuggets, cling film,
02:52Right, I've got to go.
02:54Plants, clothes, car tyres, calculators, wasps.
02:59Yeah, that's right.
03:00Simon's off to get his fix now.
03:01What, Si's doing drugs?
03:02Yeah, he's addicted to crack, Neil.
03:04Carly's crack.
03:05Oh, yeah.
03:05No, that's fine.
03:06I'm not an expert, but here's a tip.
03:09Don't literally run after a girl you fancy.
03:12It makes you look needy, and unless they're desperate or mental, it won't work.
03:17Oh, sorry.
03:19Is it OK?
03:20No, sorry, I really didn't mean to sit on you.
03:21No, cos that would be weird.
03:23Ah, yeah, yeah, totally.
03:26Are you in the lower six?
03:27Yeah.
03:28You've probably never noticed me before, because I've just dyed my hair and suddenly grown
03:32a pair of tits.
03:35I'm Simon, by the way.
03:37I know.
03:38Tara.
03:40What are you eating?
03:41The enemy.
03:42I hate it.
03:42It's always wrong.
03:43It's basically shit.
03:44Still doesn't stop me buying it every week.
03:46Right, every week?
03:48Yep.
03:48So you buy it every week?
03:49Yeah.
03:50Not every week, though.
03:51Yes, every week.
03:53So every week?
03:54Are you broken?
03:55Have you got a head injury?
03:57So you're into music, then?
03:59Yeah, massively.
04:00I'd die without Spotify, and I love going to gigs.
04:03Oh, yeah, the same.
04:04The same what?
04:04Same as what you said.
04:06Right.
04:07So have you been down the Enterprise, then?
04:10Erm...
04:10Oh, I'm just trying to...
04:12Erm...
04:12There are loads of brilliant, up-and-coming bands.
04:15Oh, I can't quite...
04:17I don't know.
04:18I just...
04:19Erm...
04:19It's cool if you haven't.
04:21No, I don't think so.
04:22Well, you should.
04:22It's awesome.
04:23There's this band playing Friday, Failsafe.
04:25Ah!
04:26They're amazing.
04:27Me and my mate are going.
04:28Sounds cool.
04:29I love gigs.
04:29I went to a big gig last year.
04:31Erm...
04:32My mum took us to see Take That at Wembley Arena.
04:35Oh!
04:35Yeah, it was good.
04:36Yeah, yeah.
04:37We were quite far back.
04:38We were sort of on the side.
04:39But, erm, no, they were awesome.
04:40And my mum went mental for it.
04:42Oh, well, to be honest, I don't think you'd like Failsafe.
04:45It's a slightly different vibe to Take That.
04:47Oh, no.
04:48No, I would.
04:49I love all vibes.
04:50Failsafe.
04:51Take That.
04:52Reggae.
04:54I'd love to come.
04:55And I'll even bring the puff if you like.
04:57Drugs?
04:58I didn't think that was your scene.
04:59Didn't you?
05:00No, when I'm at gigs, I always pass the puff around.
05:03Share the love.
05:04Really?
05:05Yeah.
05:05I'm pretty cool like that, but I'll try and keep it on the down low.
05:08Wow.
05:09Well, you're doing a great job.
05:11Great.
05:11Erm, well, I'll see you Friday then.
05:13And I'll bring enough Spliff Puff for everyone.
05:15Even enough for your mum?
05:16Ha!
05:16No.
05:17No, she won't be there.
05:18Stupid bitch.
05:19But I'll be there.
05:22With the drugs.
05:23Why the fuck did you say you bring drugs?
05:25You don't do drugs.
05:26I know, but she's fit and I panicked.
05:28So you're gonna supply her like some sort of pimp to a drug-addled prostitute?
05:31Is that what you've become?
05:32Oh, calm down, Will.
05:33It's just a bit of puff.
05:34Everyone does it.
05:35Jay, you can sort me out, right?
05:37Slight problem on that front.
05:38What, in the past 15 minutes?
05:40Yeah.
05:41The mate's fucked off on a gap year to Afghanistan.
05:43Trying to get some pure shit from sauce.
05:45Of course he has.
05:46Thanks a fucking bunch, Jay.
05:48Will's right, you are a total bullshitter.
05:49Don't blame me.
05:51Drug dealers are unreliable.
05:52You could ask Donovan, Jay.
05:53Unless you're scared of him.
05:55Of course not.
05:56I've had a total remark untold times.
05:58I sort them out with Rizla and Ting.
05:59Oh, so you're a newsagent now, as well as a liar.
06:02Alright, I'll ask Donovan.
06:03Then, tomorrow night, when thanks to me,
06:05we're watching Simon get balls deep in Tara,
06:07we'll see who the liar is.
06:08Fine.
06:09We will.
06:10Probably be a bit weird if you two are there.
06:16I don't know what Donovan was smoking,
06:17but it made him spread butter like a maniac.
06:20What if he throws a toaster at you?
06:22Why would he do that with mates?
06:23Why are you?
06:24Sort of.
06:25What the fuck are you two quiz doing?
06:26Checking out my arse or something?
06:28Right, come on, let's go.
06:29No, we just wanted a word.
06:31Prick.
06:32There's a word.
06:32Right, sorry.
06:34We wanted to ask if you could sort us some puff.
06:37You lost your retarded mind?
06:38It's just chase mates in Afghanistan.
06:41What?
06:41Nah, look, we'll pay.
06:44How much you got?
06:46About 20 quid.
06:48No, I'll do you a special team twat deal.
07:03There you go.
07:07Nah, come on.
07:08What?
07:09Nah, come on, seriously, Mark, that's...
07:11Puff.
07:14Well, now it's tea, like normal tea.
07:16We just saw you empty the bags.
07:17Are you calling me a liar?
07:18You're disrespecting me like that.
07:21No, it's just that you did it right in front of us.
07:23I'm going to give you a chance to apologise for that.
07:25Right, yeah, no, sorry, but...
07:27But what?
07:31Nothing.
07:32And?
07:33Thank you for the puff.
07:37Don't smoke it all at once.
07:38It was the night of Simon's date with Tara.
07:41And to mark the occasion, you dressed like a dick.
07:43Are you actually going to wear that?
07:44Yes.
07:45Interesting.
07:46Look, if I'm going to get a girlfriend,
07:47I'm going to have to try a different plan than the one I have for Carly.
07:49Oh, was there a plan with Carly?
07:50I thought you just lurched from one disaster to another.
07:52Yeah, I know what I need to do with Tara.
07:54Just pretend to be someone that I'm not.
07:55That I go to gigs, wear hats, and most importantly, sort out D-R-U-G-S.
08:00Shh, my mum's in.
08:02So?
08:02She can spell.
08:03Ooh, you two look very smart.
08:04Where are you off to?
08:05Oh, we're just going to pick up Neil, then we're going to a gig.
08:07A gig?
08:08Wow.
08:09Yeah, I remember my first gig.
08:11In excess, Hammersmith Odeon.
08:12One of the band members went off stage, then came back on a skateboard.
08:15We all screamed.
08:16Yeah, looking back, I'm not sure why he did it.
08:19We're going to go now.
08:20Well, have fun.
08:21And if anyone does offer you any D-R-U-G-S, be careful.
08:24What?
08:25I overheard you.
08:27Oh, it's OK, Pethl.
08:28I know boys will be boys, but I can trust you to do the responsible thing.
08:31Very lucky to have you, because you're so boring.
08:34Boring?
08:35Well, not boring.
08:36Just scared of things.
08:38Scared?
08:39Sensible.
08:39That's the word I'm looking for.
08:41Sensible.
08:41You're very sensible, so I don't have to worry about you as much.
08:44Because you're so scared.
08:46Thanks, Mum.
08:48Instead of D-R-U-G-S, Jay had bought P-G-T-I-P-S, which he spent the
08:53last hour failing to roll
08:54up into a joint.
08:56I still can't believe you're going through with this, Si.
08:58Oh, come on, Will.
08:59It's just the little spleef.
09:02Is that meant to be funny?
09:04Is that drug humour?
09:05All right, Cliff Richard.
09:06If you don't like it, fuck off.
09:08No, I'll stay and laugh at you.
09:10Jay, I've heard smoking's well bad for your chest.
09:12Can't we just, like, make tea with it instead?
09:14No.
09:15You can't make tea with this type.
09:17Remember, Neil?
09:18Oh, yeah.
09:20Why not?
09:23Cos...
09:23It's stronger if you eat it.
09:25Oh, we could bake it into chocolate brownies.
09:27Cool.
09:28Delicious.
09:29Who knows the recipe?
09:30Nigel Lawson.
09:31Look, we haven't got time to fucking bake cakes.
09:33My dad's going to be able to pick us up in a minute.
09:34I just want to try it before I meet Tara.
09:36Well, I can cook toast and eggs.
09:38What about putting it in egg on toast?
09:40Would that work, Jay?
09:40Erm, it might be.
09:42Drugs on eggs on toast.
09:43Are you not worried it might lead to harder stuff?
09:45Beans on toast?
09:46Maybe a sausage?
09:47Or I can make jelly.
09:49Right, fuck it.
09:49I'm brewing some hash tea.
09:50The one thing Jay didn't want Simon to do with the tea was make tea.
09:54Because he'd find out it was tea.
09:55I told you, Si, there were supply issues.
09:57The main issue being Donovan supplied you with tea.
10:00Oi!
10:01And so refreshed, but in no way high,
10:03Simon headed for his date with Tara.
10:05You lot seem very quiet tonight.
10:07Yeah, well, it's better than hearing non-stop bullshit.
10:09Language.
10:10What's that on your head, Simon?
10:12Oh, I don't know, Dad.
10:13Oh, yeah, it's a hat.
10:15Obviously.
10:16God.
10:16Looks bloody stupid.
10:17We tried to tell him.
10:18You look like a butcher.
10:19Pete Doherty wears them, actually.
10:21Pete Doherty's butcher wears them.
10:22Oh, I forgot you're a comedian as well as a cab driver.
10:25Oi, I'm doing you a favour.
10:26Why are you wearing it anyway?
10:27You've never worn anything like that before.
10:29He's meeting a bird.
10:30Neil knew it.
10:31You've got that look in your eye.
10:33What?
10:33Sort of an animal look.
10:34I've seen it when you watch TV sometimes.
10:36X Factor and that.
10:37What, when he says Louis Walsh?
10:38Funny.
10:39No.
10:39Thankfully, Cheryl Cole.
10:41If his mum's in the room, he has to pop a pillow over his lap.
10:44It wasn't exactly take that at Wembley Arena,
10:47but the Enterprise had everything you could want from a local music venue.
10:50Bar staff who didn't ask for ID, a worrying lack of fire exits,
10:53and a horrific smell from the toilets.
10:55Can you see Tara anywhere?
10:56I'll just follow the puddles, mate.
10:57She's that fucking wet for you.
10:59Can you hear something, Will?
10:59I can smell bullshit, but I can't hear anything.
11:02Stop being a baby.
11:03Simon, I think it's probably for the best that you don't have any drugs.
11:06I'm sure Tara will understand.
11:07Have you got a girlfriend?
11:08No.
11:09You know that.
11:10Then you'll excuse me if I don't give a shit what you think?
11:12You can share mine if you like, Si.
11:13I've got some tabs.
11:14What?
11:15Like LSD?
11:16No, I nicked some of my dad's sleeping pills.
11:18Apparently, if you mix them with Ribena, red wine and cough mixture,
11:21it gives you a well good buzz.
11:23Is the buzz crippling stomach acid?
11:24Oh, yeah.
11:25No, it's good, that.
11:26Like, mixing some Lucozade as well gives it a more crunchy buzz.
11:30Thanks, Neil, but I think Tara's expecting me to have some puff,
11:32some fucked because someone is a total bullshitter.
11:35Fucking hell, if you're going to be so menstrual about it,
11:36I'll go and score some shit here.
11:38Oh, yes.
11:38Oh, if you go just score, Scarface.
11:40I will.
11:41You coming, Neil?
11:42Yeah, right.
11:43Oh, get some Ribena and wine, Si, half and half, yeah?
11:45It's got to be quite specific.
11:47Specific.
11:49Fucking Simon.
11:49I have to do everything for him.
11:51He'll probably want me to bone that girl for him, too.
11:53Show her how it's done properly.
12:22Exactly.
12:24I can't help that.
12:25And there's no one here dealing.
12:27What about him?
12:32Shit.
12:33Right.
12:34Er, yeah.
12:35You going over, then?
12:36Yes.
12:37You'd better come to, you know, his muscle.
12:40Right.
12:40Cool.
12:41Look hard.
12:42This might get tasty.
12:47Oh, can I have some gum?
12:48I ain't got any.
12:49I'm pretending.
12:52All right, mate?
12:53All right.
12:55My mate wanted to say something to you.
12:57Yeah?
12:58Sort me out, gazer.
13:00What?
13:01Please, sort me out, gazer.
13:04I've got 20 quid.
13:05So what?
13:05What do you want from me?
13:07You know, gear.
13:08Sweet Mary Jane.
13:10Get in your man.
13:11Oh, so you want to buy drugs.
13:13And you came to me, why?
13:14Well, because we saw you...
13:15Because I'm black.
13:16Saw a black guy at a gig, thought must be a drug dealer.
13:18No, we didn't.
13:19You fucking white boys are all the same.
13:21You know, you scratch beneath the surface just a little bit and you're racist.
13:23Yeah, that's right.
13:24I said it.
13:25Racist.
13:27But have you got any drugs?
13:29Yes, I have.
13:30But that's not the point.
13:31Point is, you assumed I had some just because I'm black.
13:36Could we buy some, please?
13:37Why should I deal to you?
13:39Why should I deal to two little suburban racists who see me as some kind of stereotype?
13:43I'm at university.
13:44You're a drug dealer as well, yeah?
13:46Yes, I do deal, but you keep missing the point.
13:48Look, here's 30 quid.
13:50Can we just have some puff?
13:52Yes, you can.
13:54But only because I'm a dealer, not because I'm black.
13:57Now, fuck off.
14:02Can you roll it up for us, please?
14:04If ever there was an advertisement for drugs not being cool, Jay was it.
14:15My first ever gig was in full swing, and if Simon searched for his date, I was enjoying it.
14:20In a way.
14:21Do you like the taste of beer?
14:22I don't know if I do, actually.
14:23What the fuck's this?
14:25What? Oh, hi!
14:26I didn't realise Pete Doherty was coming along.
14:28Is it?
14:29No, I mean you, you twat.
14:31Oh, right, because of the hat?
14:33No, because you fucked Kate Moss.
14:34Obviously it's the hat.
14:36Hi, I'm Will.
14:37Are you the guy who shit himself in the exam?
14:40Yup.
14:40Now, Tara, don't you think it's just cool here?
14:42Great vibe, no need to drink too much or take anything to make it better?
14:45Could not get better, could it?
14:47Jay sorted it.
14:48No way.
14:49Yup, no bullshit, he's totally done it.
14:50The man even rolled one up for us.
14:52Oh, cool.
14:53Yeah, of course.
14:54He's waiting outside.
14:55I don't want to be a killjoy, but I just think you should remember that what you're about
14:58to do is illegal.
14:59So he's doing bombs in the swimming pool, but I do that because it's fun, yeah?
15:03Come on, Simon.
15:06Technically that's not illegal.
15:08I didn't know which was worse, that my friend was about to do drugs just to impress
15:12a girl, or the smug look on Jay's face.
15:15Here we go, boys and girls.
15:16That was so cool.
15:17Nice.
15:18So you've actually got it then?
15:19Look, when I say I'm going to deliver, I fucking deliver.
15:21Like a postman with Tourette's?
15:23Right, who's first?
15:24I've never done it before.
15:25Haven't you?
15:26No, go on, Simon, show me how.
15:28Maybe Jay should go first, because he sorted it.
15:30Only fair.
15:30Nah, nah, it's cool.
15:32Taking a breather.
15:33I smoke one the size of a parsley, whilst I was waiting for you latecomers.
15:36Or maybe ladies first, so that is you.
15:38No, I'm nervous.
15:39Go on.
15:41Okay, alright.
15:42I suppose.
15:46I couldn't really blame Simon.
15:48If only thought a fit girl like Tara might get off with me, I'd probably mainline heroin
15:52into my eyeball.
15:55Great.
15:56Oh, that was really great.
15:57Here you go.
15:58What?
15:58You didn't even inhale.
16:00You've got to take it right in like a cigarette.
16:03Oh, yeah.
16:04I know.
16:05No, sometimes I do it that way, because it just gets your cheeks nicely stoned.
16:09But, no, I'll have a go your way.
16:21I definitely went in that time.
16:23Right in the lungs.
16:25Tara?
16:25Cool.
16:28How are your cheeks feeding now?
16:29Have they got the munchies?
16:35Can I have a go, please?
16:37Alright, sorry.
16:38This is cool.
16:40Just us here, smoking a fat old doobie.
16:43Oh, yeah.
16:44Hanging out by some bins, near a skip, in the cold, doing drugs.
16:48Oh, it's very cool.
16:49Very cool indeed.
16:52Oh, yeah, that is good weed.
16:54Neil.
16:55No, I'm alright.
16:56I've got my sleeping tabs.
16:57What about the Ribena and wine?
16:59I had that earlier.
17:00It all gets mixed up in my tummy anyway, so it should be alright.
17:02What about you just say no?
17:04Are you still too scared?
17:05Oh, yes.
17:06I'm scared.
17:06Scared that you three won't think I'm cool enough to hang out with anymore.
17:09Oh, no.
17:11Oh, no.
17:11Feel safe.
17:12Shit, we can't miss them.
17:13No way, Jose.
17:16Come on then, guys.
17:17Are you alright, Jose?
17:19I was questioning my beliefs.
17:21If winners don't do drugs, how come Simon was off with lovely Tara,
17:24whilst I was stuck with two morons, half a lager and a bottle of cough syrup?
17:28I'm definitely feeling something now.
17:29This is good weed.
17:30I might try and get shipment in for Glastonbury.
17:32Yes, I mean, it's the next logical step from buying a small amount for you and a friend,
17:36dealing to 70,000 people in a field.
17:38Alright, alright.
17:38Keep it down.
17:39You never know who's listening.
17:41Who?
17:42Old Bill?
17:43Undercover Bacon?
17:44These places are usually crawling with filth.
17:46I've got to keep on my guard.
17:47I think I'm coming up.
17:49How many singers are on stage?
17:50It looks like five.
17:52I don't know.
17:52Ask Professor Downer, he'll know.
17:54Just because you've had a puff on your first joint doesn't mean Kurt Cobain.
17:57Look, if you want to be a mummy's boy, that's fine.
17:59Stop trying to bring us down, man.
18:01Am I a mummy's boy because I refuse to bow to peer pressure?
18:03Or am I, in fact, the opposite?
18:05You're a mummy's boy.
18:06Come on, Bill.
18:07Have a puff.
18:08Show us you're not scared.
18:09Well, I would.
18:09I don't actually smoke because...
18:10Oh, what's that thing you get when you smoke?
18:13Sex?
18:13No, cancer, Neil.
18:14Fine, eat it then.
18:16I could do, but as I keep explaining, I have no interest in getting, as you say, high.
18:20I feel brilliant.
18:21Well, from the outside, you seem basically the same, but a bit more boring.
18:24It's alright, Neil.
18:26He's scared.
18:26Of course.
18:28Scared.
18:29Give it here, then.
18:36Right, happy now?
18:37So you can shut up about how you like to chase the bloody dragon.
18:39I've had some.
18:40I feel fine.
18:41Let's move on.
18:42Fucking hell, not all of it.
18:43You've beaten all of it.
18:45Yes, so in my life, I've had even more drugs than you, and I still think it's pathetic.
18:48I told you to keep that on the down low.
18:50He looks federal.
18:53So while I try to work out what federal meant, Simon was experiencing moshing for the first
18:57time, which is a bit like being beaten up to music.
19:01This is so fucking cool.
19:04Yeah.
19:05Fucking cool.
19:06Easy, mate.
19:07Oh.
19:08A bit, um, aggressive, but cool.
19:11Simon, you've got a mosh and I'll crush you.
19:13Life.
19:16Oh, right.
19:16That's all we do, is it?
19:17Oh.
19:20Are you alright, Tara?
19:23Oh, my God.
19:24Oh.
19:25Oh.
19:26Back at my Mensa meeting, things were starting to happen.
19:28Tuesday then, yeah?
19:31Are you alright, Neil?
19:33You're dribbling.
19:34Yeah, thanks.
19:35We can have it back Tuesday.
19:42When it came to killing off brain cells, Neil had very little room for manoeuvre.
19:46Meanwhile, Tara, being a combination of stoned and concussed, was working in Simon's favour.
19:50Is your nose okay?
19:51My nose is okay, but I still feel a bit queasy.
19:53If I see the boat that did it, I'll grrr, you know.
19:57You're what?
19:59Dunno.
20:00Did you say grrr?
20:02I think I did.
20:04Oh, grrr.
20:05Like a tiger?
20:07I'm Tony the tiger.
20:08Grrr.
20:10Grrr.
20:10What?
20:11Grrr.
20:13I'm sure pretending to be a big cat or a slow-moving robot wasn't the standard reaction
20:18to doing drugs, but I would have taken either of those over what was going on in my head.
20:21I don't want to sound mental, but I'm starting to feel a bit like I'm in a bubble.
20:25Is this what being high is?
20:27Do you feel like you're in a thick bubble?
20:29No, it's cold.
20:30I feel pretty nice.
20:31Like up, but down, but chilled, but like ready to do it.
20:36Oh, God.
20:37This isn't good.
20:38I feel unusual.
20:39Why did you let me eat it?
20:41Why?
20:42My arms feel odd.
20:44Oh, just shut up.
20:45Enjoy it.
20:46Jay, I think I'm going wrong.
20:48Time is going by really, really, really, really slowly.
20:54You need to call an ambulance right now because I can't use the phone.
20:57My arms don't work and my hands are sausages.
21:00Fuck off.
21:01Jay, I'm serious.
21:02You feel miles away.
21:04I think I might be dying.
21:06What if I'm a dead person?
21:07Please call an ambulance.
21:08I can't call an ambulance because they'll bring the fucking police and I'll get done for dealing.
21:13And it looks like this.
21:13If I go to prison, my anal virginity won't last a day.
21:17But...
21:18My hands.
21:19I'm not calling an ambulance.
21:21Stop being a baby and just ride it out.
21:23Oh, God.
21:28Neil.
21:28Neil.
21:30You've got to help me.
21:31Everything is going flat and I think I might be dead.
21:34Huh?
21:35Help me.
21:36I'm getting random arm movements.
21:38Sleepy toy.
21:40Sleepy toy.
21:42So I couldn't rely on Neil.
21:44But I knew one thing for sure.
21:45I had to stop my fucking arms.
21:53Can I take something?
21:54I don't know.
21:55Can you?
21:55You just did.
21:56So probably yes.
21:57Okay, clever clogs.
21:59Can I do something?
22:00Depends what it is.
22:07Tara, what did you want to do?
22:08Oh, this.
22:26My hair feels sick.
22:27It's got to be the joint.
22:28I shouldn't have done it.
22:30Right.
22:31Um, maybe stick your fingers down your throat.
22:33Try and get it all up and then we can go again.
22:35Yeah.
22:36I think I can make it to the toilet.
22:37Don't move.
22:40Listen, Simon, this is very important information.
22:43Call an ambulance and tell them I'm in a bubble and everything is very flat.
22:48I'm a bit busy here, Will.
22:49Can you look after yourself?
22:50I can't stop my arms.
22:52Look how random my arms are.
22:55Help me.
22:56Look, I'm in here, Will.
22:57Can you please fuck off?
22:59I didn't make it.
23:01I needed help.
23:03Jay was useless, Neil was getting an early night and Simon was too busy licking vomit off Tara's
23:08tonsils.
23:09Thanks a lot, guys.
23:10I really needed help.
23:12How could I get help?
23:17Hello.
23:19Hello, everyone.
23:20Can somebody call me an ambulance?
23:23Because I'm in trouble.
23:26Time is moving really, really slowly and everything is flat.
23:33I need you to call me an ambulance or failing that, my mummy.
23:40I really want my mummy because, and I'm not being dramatic, but I think I might be dead.
23:49Is that clear? Mummy or ambulance?
23:54I don't remember the details that night especially well, but I do know that despite their love of
23:58violence, the bouncers were surprisingly kind to me.
24:01Which could only mean I looked proper mental.
24:04Are you sure it was just cannabis you took?
24:06I ate it.
24:07I'm really sorry.
24:08Is my mummy coming?
24:09Can you make my arms stop?
24:11We'll do our best.
24:15Wagwan.
24:15Someone called an ambulance and they're taking him away?
24:17Oh, fucking Jesus.
24:19Oh no.
24:20It wasn't me that sold you right.
24:21Not me.
24:22Oh shit, the blue lights.
24:24It's an ambulance.
24:25That's what they want you to believe.
24:28It had been a week of bursts.
24:30Our first gig.
24:31Our first drugs.
24:33The first time we had to admit Jay had delivered on one of his bullshit claims.
24:36Simon's first actual girlfriend.
24:38Simon's first actual girlfriend.
24:39And the first time I spent two days in bed silently crying and trying to make the walls stop moving.
24:43I was here for three days later.
24:45If you really want some understanding, you will learn to come in, quite frustrating.
24:52If you really want to understand it, you won't learn to come in, quite rewarding.
25:00Saw me out of my way.
25:06I love you, everybody.
25:08What?
25:09Wow.
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