- 8 hours ago
Clarkson's Farm - Season 5 Episode 3 - TBA
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Short filmTranscript
00:09I'm so excited.
00:10I know, you've been bouncing around like a three-year-old for a month over this.
00:15Have you ever been?
00:15No.
00:16Oh, it's so good.
00:22Did you really have your hair cut this morning?
00:25Seven o'clock this morning.
00:26To go to an agricultural machinery show?
00:29Well, not necessarily. I was getting my hair cut anyway.
00:31It would fall on every six weeks.
00:32But then I thought, okay, if I'm going, I'm going to book it on the Wednesday in the morning,
00:37have my hair done, and go.
00:40When you're up early and you're fresh...
00:41I've been to probably 50 motor shows in my life in Detroit, Geneva, Tokyo, London, Birmingham.
00:48And I've never had my hair cut.
00:49Well, that's why you always look scruffy.
00:53Lisa's going to be furious, by the way.
00:54Why?
00:56Because you've got this.
00:56I've nicked her car, and she said last night, I've got to go to London tomorrow.
01:01What's she driving?
01:02So I said, are you going on the train or driving?
01:04She said, no, I'm going to drive.
01:05And I was drawing breath to say, oh, I wanted to use your car to go to Birmingham.
01:09You didn't have it in, you just said it.
01:10I just went, oh, okay.
01:11And then you took her car?
01:12No, no, we left before she was up.
01:14So she's going to come out.
01:35Every January for a few days, fields right across the country have no farmers in them.
01:43Because this is the time of year when they go to Birmingham for Lama.
01:49The annual farm machinery show.
01:52Look at the amount of pickup trucks going to the NEC.
01:57Now, this is a proper look at this chap here.
01:59He's got it all worked out.
02:00No styling happened with that roof on his picker.
02:04No, but it's designed to fit in a lot of dead cheap.
02:07Exactly.
02:10Once inside the vast halls, Caleb became as excited as I used to be at motor shows when I was
02:19eight.
02:20Oh, look at the CR9.
02:22That's where they had the CR11 last year.
02:24This is a smaller version of it.
02:26I can't work out why they've got, this is a CR, this is a CR990.
02:30I know, it says that.
02:33It's nice, isn't it?
02:33I like the colour.
02:34It's got black rims.
02:35Yes.
02:35Oh, look at that.
02:36And it's got the blue around the outside.
02:38That's cool, that.
02:39That's me.
02:40That's a bit of me, that.
02:41What is?
02:42That.
02:44Look at it, it blinged up.
02:45I, meanwhile, felt like my sister used to feel at motor shows when she was eight.
02:52Completely baffled by everything.
02:55What's that?
02:59This is a great start.
03:05A mower?
03:06Nearly, it's a mulcher.
03:08Oh, is it?
03:08Yeah.
03:09What's that?
03:11Erm, muck spreader?
03:13No.
03:14What is it?
03:14That's a straw blower.
03:15What's that there?
03:18Piledriver.
03:19Log splitter.
03:21What's that one over there, then?
03:22It's a tedder.
03:23It's a what?
03:24It's a tedder.
03:25So you mow your grass, you come through with the tedder, flips it back over.
03:29You see what I mean?
03:30No.
03:31Caleb, how you doing?
03:32You doing well?
03:33Yeah, not bad, mate.
03:34Good to see you.
03:35Where is the old, uh...
03:36There he is.
03:37How are you?
03:38You all right?
03:39Yeah, not too bad.
03:39Caleb, just endlessly stopped by big boned men.
03:43With stout shoes on.
03:45Pauses only to tell me things that make no sense.
03:52Later in the morning, I lost my guide.
03:55It's nice of all to give people that opportunity.
03:57Because he'd been booked to take part in some sort of rural ted talk.
04:03Hello, everybody.
04:04I'm Caleb.
04:05Probably best known as, um, on Clarkson's Farm.
04:07But, of course, I've got my own theatre tour that I did, uh, beginning of the year.
04:10Um, also got three books out.
04:12As he humbly introduced himself, I walked around in a state of complete confusion.
04:22What is that?
04:24And what's that?
04:28And that?
04:30Oh, look, a lunar rover.
04:34See, it's what it's like when you walk around without Caleb.
04:37It's like being in a...
04:39I don't know, a market in Cambodia, where you just look at all the things and think,
04:43Oh, is that a fish?
04:44Is it a plant?
04:47I don't know.
04:50Eventually, I arrived in a hall full of futuristic high-tech equipment.
04:56Where I expected to be even more baffled.
05:01But, once the salesman got his teeth into me, I became quite intrigued.
05:08Have you ever seen something like this before?
05:10No.
05:11What is it?
05:12It's a seeding and weeding machine.
05:15It's an autonomous vehicle, electrical driven.
05:17It's, uh...
05:18I'm guessing solar.
05:19It's powered by the solar, yeah.
05:21In Denmark?
05:22Solar.
05:23Solar?
05:23Solar, yeah.
05:24June the 7th, 1981, there was a sunny day, though.
05:27Exactly.
05:28But what if there's no sunshine, which does happen?
05:31It does actually run 24-7.
05:33It have a battery pack in the back, so it's running in the night, too.
05:36So, then, how's the weeding and seeding?
05:38Basically, this is a seeding machine, it's a weeding machine, and it's all done by GPS.
05:44How accurate is it?
05:46Accuracy between 8 and 10 millimetres.
05:48Oh, my word.
05:49What's the phallus?
05:51This one, that's the GSM antenna.
05:53So, what's that, then?
05:55That's the GPS antenna.
05:56And the last one here, that is the rain gorge.
05:59So, if it suddenly starts raining, let's say one millimetre of rain, it will just stop the operation to avoid
06:07damaging the crops.
06:08And then you, of course, get a message back saying, okay, it stopped due to the rain.
06:12Oh, you can talk to it.
06:13Yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:14So, you're looking on your phone or your tablet or on an app, then you can see, you know, if
06:19it's running out of seed, it will stop and send a message back.
06:51Hey, Jeremy, I'm out of seeds.
06:52Caleb was in Thor, life coach guru mode.
06:56Dreams don't work unless you do.
06:58I take that with me all the time.
06:59You can do it.
07:00And no matter what you do, if you keep working hard, and again, dreams don't work unless you do, you
07:04can make that happen.
07:05So, I think actually believe in yourself and actually just go, yeah, you are good enough, straight away from the
07:09get-go.
07:10Don't ever believe that you're not.
07:11And if you're not, it's fine.
07:12You're just not meant to be and not meant to be doing that certain thing.
07:17Back in the future, having been bewitched by a machine that could plant crops without the need for a tractor,
07:23I'd now found a tractor that had no need for a driver.
07:29So, this is probably the first in the market that is a fully autonomous tractor that we can let go
07:34night and day unattended.
07:36So, it just runs?
07:37Runs night and day, set it off, go to bed, get up in the morning, job done.
07:41You set it up to drill?
07:45Yeah, cultivate.
07:46So, standard rear linkage, so you can put all your existing implements on, standard hydraulics, front linkage, just everything that
07:53you need.
07:54How fast will this one go along?
07:57Is it just like a normal tractor speed?
07:59Yeah, so, 0 to 12.6 kilometres an hour.
08:02Okay, so fast enough to do normal farming?
08:05Fast enough, absolutely, normal work, yeah.
08:06So, it can do normal farming?
08:08Yep, without Caleb.
08:10A tractor with no aggravation, imagine that.
08:13Oh, and no Caleb.
08:15No Caleb.
08:16Just imagine.
08:20My mind was now racing with all sorts of new ideas,
08:26which the following day I couldn't wait to share with Charlie.
08:34Farming does what it does year in and year out.
08:39We are reaching a point where that's just not working anymore.
08:44The climate's changing and we have a truly idiotic government.
08:48So, it's like beating your head against a wall.
08:50Idiotic government and it never stops raining.
08:53There's no point doing what you do year in, year out.
08:57It's just the definition of idiocy.
08:59It is.
08:59It's doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
09:02Yep.
09:02So, we've now reached a point where farmers, I think, have to say,
09:06we have to do this differently.
09:08Yep.
09:08So, there it is.
09:14An ag bot.
09:16Yeah.
09:18You're going to have a driverless tractor.
09:22I'm not a very good tractor driver.
09:24I've come to understand that after five years.
09:26I can't plough.
09:27I can't cultivate.
09:28I can't drill.
09:30I can't attach anything to it still.
09:33Once that thing's plodding around doing cultivating or drilling
09:36or whatever job you've given it,
09:38you can be getting on with something else.
09:41And it doesn't make mistakes, unlike me.
09:45Um, okay.
09:47You have to mark out obstacles in the field as well, presumably.
09:50We haven't really got any obstacles in our fields.
09:52We don't have trees.
09:53We've got one telegraph pole that I hit.
09:56There are five in that field.
09:58Will it lift everything?
10:01It looks quite compact.
10:03They must have written what its lifting capabilities are.
10:06Did you not ask?
10:08No.
10:09I just thought it looked really cool.
10:11And that brings me on to seeding and weeding robot.
10:19But that's going to do the planting?
10:21Ah, not of the onions and beetroot.
10:25We don't grow onions and beetroot.
10:28We're growing onions and beetroot.
10:30Yeah.
10:32Why onions and beetroot?
10:34Because that's what this can do.
10:36So the tech does it, so we're growing it.
10:39Well, let's see if it does it.
10:48While Charlie went off to source this new kit,
10:52I decided to go to the Netherlands
10:54to look at the high-tech farming that they're doing over there.
11:02At first, this felt odd.
11:05Because normally when I'm on a road trip with a film crew,
11:08I'm accompanied by Hammond and May,
11:11who are also seasoned globetrotters.
11:15This time, though, my companion wasn't.
11:30Is the air, like, the same here in France?
11:35Is it different?
11:36Do you smell different, like...
11:38Do you mean, like, is it dense?
11:39Is it...
11:39Is it different?
11:40No, it's not.
11:41It's the same.
11:43It's going to feel weird leaving England.
11:45We haven't left it yet.
11:46I know, but...
11:47You're still in Oxfordshire, I think, actually.
11:49I know, I don't think we are.
11:49You haven't even left Oxfordshire yet.
11:51What's going on in my mind?
11:54You know, when we get over there, it's an hour ahead.
11:56Is it?
11:57Mm-hmm.
11:59How?
12:00What?
12:00How?
12:01It just is.
12:06But how?
12:07Apart from Portugal, France, Spain, Italy, Germany,
12:11all of Europe, really, is an hour ahead of us.
12:13Will I get jet lag?
12:16No, it's only like when the clocks go back and forwards in England.
12:19Oh, OK.
12:23As Ranul finds an eye headed towards the Channel Tunnel,
12:27I explain the thinking behind our fact-finding mission.
12:32So, when I was at Lammer,
12:34I started to realise we've got to get more tech.
12:38We've got to get more modern.
12:40Well, here's the deal.
12:42I once did that programme, Who Do You Think You Are?
12:45Well, you trace your family tree.
12:46Mm-hmm.
12:47And I discovered that I'm from this family called the Kilners.
12:50OK, it was my great-grandmother was a kilner.
12:53And they had this huge company that made glass.
12:56Huge, massive.
12:57They had two factories, each of which covered an area of 17 acres.
13:01Holy moly.
13:02They're big.
13:03Wow.
13:03You bought anything in the world made that was in glass.
13:07So, a gin sling in Singapore, a bottle of pills in Texas,
13:10it almost certainly came in a bottle made by the Kilners.
13:14They were massive.
13:15Anyway, they didn't modernise.
13:17Right.
13:17And all these little glassmakers were coming along,
13:20using modern technology.
13:22Yeah.
13:22And before you knew it, Kilners had gone because they didn't...
13:26They were stuck in the past.
13:27They were stuck in the past.
13:28Yeah.
13:29And they were wiped out.
13:30And they were wiped out really quickly.
13:32So, I think diddly-squats got to get a bit more techie.
13:35Yeah.
13:35I think that's what I'm saying.
13:37And in Holland, they're very fastidious in their farming,
13:41as far as that can work out.
13:42I think I was reading the other day
13:44that they're the most efficient farmers in Europe.
13:46Really?
13:47The Danes and the Dutch, yeah.
13:55About miles.
13:58I've got butterflies.
14:00Have you?
14:01Yeah.
14:05What number plate's that, then?
14:07Dutch.
14:08Is it?
14:09Enal.
14:10What does it mean?
14:11Netherlands.
14:12Netherlands.
14:15E.
14:17Portugal.
14:21Denmark.
14:21D.
14:23Germany.
14:25What a D.
14:26Deutschland.
14:29You'd have thought they'd put G on it for Germany, wouldn't you?
14:31Mm-hmm.
14:31You'd have thought they'd put G on it for Germany.
14:33Yeah, but they call themselves Deutschland, remember?
14:37Why?
14:37That's what they're named themselves.
14:39But everyone hates Germany.
14:49Germany.
14:50Leaving England.
14:51You see my passport?
14:52Look how shiny it is.
14:54shinier than modern, probably.
14:56Ooh, blue.
14:57Oh, no!
14:57You've got a blue one.
14:59Let's have a look at your passport.
15:02Yeah, you look like a crim.
15:04Your middle name's Wayne.
15:05I didn't know that.
15:06How ridiculous.
15:06What do you mean how ridiculous?
15:08What do you mean how ridiculous?
15:08It was just funny.
15:11Once we cleared passport control, Wayne started asking me about the actual tunnel.
15:19How deep is it?
15:22Um, well, it's not, it's underneath the bottom of the sea, if that makes sense.
15:29So it's quite deep.
15:31I mean, psychologically, you know you're under the sea, but it's only the same as being in
15:36a tunnel.
15:37You've never been in a tunnel, have you?
15:38No.
15:40God.
15:41How many trains are down there?
15:44I don't know.
15:45How many carriages does it pull?
15:47Don't know.
15:48How many cars does it fit on a carriage?
15:50I don't know.
15:51When was the Titanic?
15:53When was the Titanic?
15:541912.
15:56Okay, so this was after the, this was obviously.
15:59Well, after this.
16:01This was 1988.
16:06Holy shit, how wide is it?
16:08The train's quite wide.
16:14And here we go, we're out mounting the train.
16:19It's weird to think this is the first train you've ever been on a boat.
16:23Not many people are able to say that the first train they ever went on was a Eurostar train.
16:32You can get out.
16:34Stretch your legs.
16:37I want to say Eurostar train.
16:39I want to say Eurostar train.
16:39You don't want to get out?
16:41No.
16:43You do look nervous.
16:45I fucking am.
16:47How'd they put oxygen down there?
16:50What do you mean?
16:53How'd they get oxygen flowing through the...
16:55It's not sealed at the end.
17:00If there's two holes at either end, it's full of air.
17:04Yeah, but surely you've got to push the air down there.
17:07No.
17:08Air rises up.
17:09No, it doesn't.
17:11Air goes in any direction it wants.
17:13If you go so far under the sea, air doesn't travel through water.
17:17You're not...
17:18No, but either end isn't under the water.
17:21We're going into a hole which is above the ground.
17:25Above the water.
17:30Exactly.
17:31So let's say this is the sea, yes?
17:33Yeah.
17:33The hole starts here and here and goes down like this.
17:37The air is only going to fill here.
17:39There's air in the tunnel, Caleb.
17:41I promise there's air.
17:42You don't need scuba outfits to cope.
17:46There will be air.
17:48Oh, we're moving.
17:49Here we go.
17:53There we are.
17:54There we are.
17:58Luckily, the tunnel didn't spring a leak or run out of oxygen on that particular journey.
18:06And half an hour after setting off, we were in France.
18:11You're abroad.
18:12I'm out of England.
18:16It's sort of weird, isn't it?
18:18Well...
18:18Did you think five years ago, Dave?
18:20I know, five years, you'd not even had a chippy Norton.
18:22Now look at you.
18:23You're like James Bond.
18:29We crossed the border into Belgium and eventually reached our overnight halt in the city of Bruges.
18:41Which I was keen for Caleb to see.
18:50Oh, wow.
18:52This is what abroad is like.
18:55Everywhere's like it.
18:55Very pretty, isn't it?
18:57Yeah.
18:57Abroad is pretty.
18:59I thought you'd be like Carl Pilkington coming abroad, but you're not.
19:02You're actually liking it.
19:03Well, it's just not.
19:04It's just, I don't know, it's the views.
19:06Look at it.
19:06Yeah, it's really nice.
19:09So, they've actually got some of Jesus' blood in there.
19:14It's the only example, I think, in the world.
19:17I don't know who it is.
19:18Well, now, let's not get bogged down with how they know things.
19:23I mean, it's like barred up.
19:25Well, it would be.
19:26Imagine if you stole Jesus' blood.
19:29What would it be worth?
19:30I mean, I think if you took it to the market and Chippy Norton said,
19:34this is Jesus' blood, they probably wouldn't believe you.
19:36They'd have to fuck off.
19:40Oh, look.
19:42No, I like this bit here.
19:44You can see down the canal, look.
19:46That's really pretty.
19:49Wow.
19:51It's so beautifully lit, isn't it?
19:55Oh, look.
19:56Look, there's a crocodile, is there?
20:05No, they don't have crocodiles here.
20:14The next morning, we set off to the Dutch border
20:17to meet our first high-tech farmer.
20:20And I was very much looking forward to this.
20:24What he's doing is, it's very old-fashioned farming.
20:27Know your farm, know every square inch of your farm.
20:30But use modern technology to get the best out of it.
20:35I've got really excited about this streamlining deadly squat.
20:40It needs it.
20:41It does.
20:42We're busy fools at the moment.
20:44That's a good way of putting it.
20:46Oh, I know why.
20:47I know why we're busy fools.
20:49Right, because of me.
20:50Is it me?
20:51Yeah.
20:51Yeah, I thought it might be me.
20:53Well, I wanted to try lots of different types of farming,
20:55and I've tried them all now, and I realise...
20:57You wake up and go, I know, today, pigs.
21:00Yes.
21:00And you know what?
21:00We're going to put them in the most furthest place on the farm,
21:02away from the farm.
21:03Yeah, that was a mistake.
21:05And they've eaten and killed all the trees.
21:07I know, what about goats?
21:08Let's get some goats.
21:08Yeah, I know.
21:09Oh, I like the goats.
21:10I know what we'll do with them.
21:11We'll move them around and fence it off in areas
21:13and build that shelter 3,000 times a year.
21:17But they're great animals.
21:19I know what we're going to do now.
21:20I want chickens in that wood over there,
21:21but I don't want to see their huts,
21:22so put them on the other side of the fence.
21:25I did do that.
21:26But we'll only get 50 and have them all in three different pens.
21:30Yeah, we did do that.
21:30That's not a bad idea, that.
21:34I did do that.
21:35Well, they're three different types.
21:38They can still run together.
21:45On the way, we stopped to fill up.
21:48Well, let's have some super 98.
21:50Super, yeah.
21:51And as the petrol station had a chip van,
21:54I introduced Caleb to Belgium's national dish.
21:59Because the French fry was invented in Belgium.
22:02Was it?
22:02Yeah.
22:03You're never more than six feet from a bag of chips.
22:07What are they?
22:07What are they?
22:09Meatballs.
22:10Meatballs?
22:11Cow.
22:12Cow.
22:13Cow.
22:13Cow.
22:13Beef.
22:14Beef.
22:14Oh, OK.
22:15Yeah.
22:16One of those in a bag of chips.
22:19And then you've got to put mayonnaise on it.
22:21Why?
22:22You've seen Pulp Fiction.
22:23Pulp Fiction?
22:24What do you mean?
22:25Pulp Fiction.
22:28Oh, God.
22:32Thank you very much.
22:37Hmm.
22:38You need balls?
22:39Thank you very much.
22:53Oh, no, I've got to pay you.
22:54How much is it?
22:56It's, uh...
23:01You know your earlobes are completely see-through.
23:12After Wayne Ramsey had given his verdict on the meatballs,
23:16we reached our first farm,
23:18which straddles the Belgian and Dutch border.
23:23And there we met its gigantic owner,
23:26potato farmer,
23:27Jacob van der Boorn.
23:29Good to meet you.
23:29I told you everyone in Holland was tall.
23:32He's very tall.
23:32I feel very short now.
23:34Yeah.
23:34He's taller than you.
23:38Jacob's farm is about the same size as Diddley's squat.
23:42But judging by the amount of equipment he has in his city-sized sheds...
23:48Jesus.
23:50It's unbelievable.
23:51It was clear he was a lot more successful
23:54at turning his acres into cash
23:57than we were.
24:00You've got parking spaces in your sheds for your tractors.
24:03And look at those trailers.
24:05Look at them.
24:06The sprayers, that's unbelievable.
24:09That's your chemical sprayer,
24:10and that's your liquid fur.
24:11Actually, it's a twin tank system.
24:14So we do 9,000 litres of...
24:17It's two sprayers in one, Caleb.
24:19Oh, wow.
24:20So we can do two sprays in one go.
24:23Look at his little face.
24:24That's unbelievable.
24:25You're going to need a trolley for your cock.
24:28So this is variable rate.
24:30Tyres, inflating system.
24:31So you can let the tyres down and pump them up while you're driving along?
24:35Actually, all my tractors, most of them, also have inflating tyres.
24:39OK, if everything in here is half a million euros, which it probably is, except for the stuff that's more.
24:45It's 10 million quid in the shed.
24:47It's 10 million quid in the shed.
24:4720 million euros.
24:48You're here.
24:49Oh, yeah.
24:49Oh, yeah.
24:52So, and again, a two-tank system.
24:55And look, I'm going to be boring.
24:57I'm going to talk about this floor.
24:59This floor is designed so that air can come up from underneath it.
25:03So if you store potatoes or whatever you want to store on it, they're ventilated from underneath.
25:08How much does that cost?
25:11I can smell the potatoes now.
25:13This is what our storage room looks like.
25:16Holy shit.
25:18Jesus Christ.
25:19Should we have a game of football or three?
25:22This shed can hold 6,500 tonnes from the 32,000 tonnes of potatoes that we can store in total.
25:29Fucking hell.
25:30You know, we could put all our barns in this barn.
25:34I know.
25:34And my house.
25:35Yeah.
25:35And all of Chavelington.
25:37Is that another Fent?
25:39Yeah.
25:41I should explain.
25:42We keep seeing Fents.
25:44Lots of Fents.
25:44Huge Fents.
25:45They really are the sort of most expensive tractors you can buy.
25:50They're like high-end Mercedes-Benz tractors.
25:54And he's got three in every shed.
25:59All from there.
26:00Because he's adopting the future.
26:05So much better.
26:06Unsurprisingly, Jacob also has one other piece of equipment.
26:12I had chips for breakfast.
26:14Chips again.
26:15Thank you very much.
26:17After Caleb had finished his second breakfast, Jacob then explained how he'd made his farm so successful.
26:27When I went in my fields, when I started this, I took over the farm from my father in 2006.
26:33I went to one field and I harvested 30 tonnes on one spot of potatoes.
26:38The other parts, same field, same seeds, same everything the same.
26:4390 tonnes.
26:44That's a difference of 60 tonnes in one field.
26:47And what was causing that?
26:48And that's what we're going to figure out.
26:50So in 2009, we then started precision farming.
26:55So a lot of people talk about...
26:56All farmers like to know the quality of their soil.
27:01But Jacob takes this job to another level.
27:04By using specially developed equipment to give him ultra precise readings from under the ground.
27:15So everything in the soil that conducts, so organic matter, that's water, that's nutrients.
27:22Every part in the soil that is conducting is giving me the data back.
27:27Do the scan, process that data and you'll get that map.
27:31Oh, is that a field?
27:32That's one of my fields.
27:34The red spots there are more conducting and therefore bigger in yield.
27:40Once he knows where the weakest and strongest patches of soil are,
27:45Jacob can then programme his tractors to fertilise and seed each part of the field according to its needs.
27:55My tractors are programmed to be automatically detecting the soil.
28:00Then they do the job and at the end when my driver drives off the field, the tractor recognises, are
28:06you done?
28:06So you tell the tractor to do different things in different parts of the field, the same field?
28:13Yeah.
28:15Seeding, fertilising, that's all variable rate.
28:18And when it comes to tackling unwanted weeds, he doesn't carpet bomb the field with herbicides like we do.
28:27Instead, he uses his high-tech maps to do precision spraying.
28:33We can actually detect those spots and actually only kill those weeds without touching the rest.
28:41So they're spraying, see, it just goes and when it sees a weed...
28:45It's...
28:45That's future.
28:47So if you're not spraying the chemicals onto the crop...
28:50So you will have a higher yield.
28:53And then you're saving maybe four grand a year for our herbicide bill.
28:56So you're not wasting money on any, not even a square metre of the field.
29:02This is NASA levels.
29:04And Jacob's methods don't stop at soil mapping and programmable tractors, because he now uses drones to spray the fields.
29:15If you look into the future in 50 years or something, we will have tractors.
29:19But a lot, a lot of it will also be drones.
29:23And he had to deploy some admirable cunning to get round some very strict EU laws.
29:30There was only one problem, Jeremy.
29:32It's not allowed to fly drones in Europe.
29:35It's not allowed to fly them by computer.
29:37It's not allowed to fly, let them swarm, let them work together.
29:40There is actually, you cannot do anything.
29:43So did you know what we did?
29:45I started an airport.
29:48What?
29:48Yeah.
29:49I can fly whatever I want.
29:51Well, you must be able to farm an airport.
29:53I made my farm an airport.
29:56That is so cool.
30:00Outside, he offered to demonstrate his spraying drone, which was not what you'd call small.
30:10Jesus.
30:12If you'd crash landed that on a playground, it would be on the news.
30:18How much spray does it?
30:20So we have a tank of 50 litres.
30:23And how much would this field need?
30:25And that will be one hectare, and we can do that in eight minutes?
30:28I normally spray about 125 to 150 litres a hectare.
30:32So you could programme it to come back to the yard, you just top it up and it goes back
30:35out to whatever field we're doing.
30:39I don't want to do that, though.
30:40I know you don't, cos you like driving tractors.
30:42Yeah.
30:42But as a man who's about to embrace the future, I need to be looking at this ship.
30:48Once its tank had been filled with weed killer, Jacob punched in all the information it would need for its
30:54spraying flight.
30:56Lots of codes.
30:57How much litres are we going to spray?
30:59Which pressure?
31:00Which droplet size?
31:00Which droplet size?
31:08Now he's spraying now.
31:09See?
31:11Oh wow!
31:16So he's now doing the first run.
31:19Stops at the headland.
31:24Makes the turn.
31:26I'm amazed.
31:28And I'm not.
31:29You're not touching anything.
31:33Bloody hell.
31:35I'm just so embarrassed by our drone.
31:40Which is just pathetic.
31:42But this is actually how 80% of the world is going to spray their crops.
31:48Has to.
31:49Come on, Caleb.
31:50That is impressive.
31:51If it's really hot on a summer's day, I can't, I'm ginger.
31:54I can't stand outside and hold that.
31:56You can sit in the car.
31:57You can sit in the car.
31:58You can sit in the car.
31:58Sit in the car.
31:59If I apply to have an airport at Diddley Squat, there will be one objection.
32:04From him.
32:07So he's done that field in five minutes.
32:10And then he'll come and land where he started.
32:12That automatic landing.
32:16Fucking hell, Caleb.
32:17That is impressive.
32:19And also, think how quiet that is.
32:21My tractor's quiet.
32:23Not as quiet as that.
32:26Reluctant though he was about welcoming in the new world order,
32:32as we drove away, Caleb had to give Jacob his due.
32:37That's serious farming.
32:39Hmm.
32:40Yeah, that man was a serious farmer.
32:42He was a serious farmer.
32:44If he's got 32,000 tonnes of potatoes a year at £250 a tonne,
32:51that's £8 million of the potatoes every year.
32:54Yeah.
32:55I mean, the kit was just ridiculous.
32:58My mind is still, there's so much information that come into my mind.
33:03So, having introduced Caleb to some brilliant Dutch farming,
33:07I decided, as we headed towards our overnight halt,
33:11to introduce him to some brilliant Dutch music.
33:17That bass.
33:27I've been driving all night, my hands went on the wheel.
33:30Look at that country feel to it.
33:32There's a voice in my head that drives my heel.
33:36It's my baby calling since I need her here.
33:41And it's a half past four and I'm shifting gear.
33:46Come on.
33:47When she's lonely, you're lonely, you're too much.
33:52She sends a cable coming in from above.
33:56Don't need a phone at all.
33:59We've got a thing about to hold.
34:02Read our love.
34:04We've got a wave in the air.
34:08Read our love.
34:12Bonjour, monsieur.
34:13Chamapau, Caleb.
34:15What?
34:15Bonjour, monsieur. Chamapau, Caleb.
34:18Ooh!
34:20Do you know I learnt that?
34:25The following morning, we headed over to our next location.
34:29Wow.
34:31And it was mind-boggling.
34:35Because it's a dairy farm.
34:38On water.
34:42Slapped back.
34:44In the middle of Rotterdam.
34:50Hello, hello.
34:51How are you?
34:53How are you?
34:54How are you?
34:54Nice to meet you.
34:56Nice to meet you.
34:57Very welcome with our farm.
34:59This is wicked.
35:00It's the only time I've ever seen him smile in a city.
35:03The floating farm is the brainchild of Peter van Wingarden
35:07and his wife, Minka.
35:10And although it's in a city,
35:12don't for one minute think that it's some kind of
35:15industrial battery farm operation.
35:19Sea cows.
35:21Correct, sea cows, yeah.
35:23The cows are free to wander about in the feeding area
35:27or go ashore for a graze.
35:33And as for milking,
35:35they keep their own timetable.
35:39Is that walking in to be milked, then?
35:41Yeah.
35:42So the cow knows when it wants to be milked
35:44and just walks in there?
35:46Absolutely.
35:49So this is completely automated.
35:51You can just go home and watch TV and...
35:53Exactly.
35:53And we have many cameras over here as well,
35:55so we measure everything, temperature, wind speed,
35:59relative humidity, if the cow is laying down,
36:01if she's standing up, if she's eating,
36:03if she's inside or outside,
36:05because it's what we call a free-range cow,
36:07so she can size herself.
36:09About 30.
36:1030 now.
36:13Although the farm covers less than an acre,
36:16its output is staggering.
36:19On the floor below, the milk is pasteurised,
36:22or made into butter.
36:24And then below that...
36:27Cheesery.
36:28An underwater cheesery.
36:32How much concrete have they got in this country?
36:35How does it stay afloat?
36:37Is this floating or are you mounted to the...
36:40No, it's completely floating.
36:41It's floating?
36:41It's completely floating.
36:42So we are now three metres below the sea level.
36:46Which keeps it cool.
36:47Temperature is completely controlled.
36:50But even more impressive is the way this farm and the city
36:54work together.
36:56When Peter goes out delivering his dairy produce,
36:59he comes back with brewers grain from the breweries
37:03and yesterday's unsold stale bread from the shops,
37:07none of which costs him a penny.
37:09And then that is made into food for the cows.
37:16Look at that.
37:17And this is, what, a day old?
37:19Two days.
37:20We're wasting so much bread, and now it comes to us.
37:24Because the amount of waste in the city, when you think...
37:26It's unbelievable.
37:27Organic waste.
37:28Unbelievable.
37:30As for the grass that's used to feed the cows,
37:33that comes from a very clever source.
37:35So when they cut the grass in the football stadium,
37:39you take the clippings.
37:41Yeah, from the main pitch.
37:43The best grass you can get.
37:44They put seaweed on it and everything, don't they?
37:46They make it look green, so therefore the nutrients
37:48out of that grass must be insane.
37:50Yeah, it's really good.
37:50Well, because you're here,
37:52you can just go and grab it all each morning and...
37:54Exactly.
37:55Yeah.
37:55So this is the circularity of the city.
37:58And this circular efficiency goes even further,
38:02because Peter has a robot that collects all the manure,
38:06and that manure is then used to make drinking water for the cows.
38:12We take seawater out.
38:14So you've got a desalination plant.
38:16This is our desalination.
38:17And it goes to this side of the membrane,
38:19and we heat up the other side of the membrane
38:22by using the cow dung.
38:25So if you put cow dung in this bin,
38:28we put seawater in here.
38:30It heats up to 35, 40 degrees.
38:32You can feel it over here.
38:34So they're drinking seawater?
38:37Yeah, correct.
38:38And you use their manure to desalinate it?
38:41Correct.
38:43We're using and reusing everything.
38:46Organic waste from the city
38:47to turn it into proteins again.
38:50So, yes, this is the future of farming.
38:55Fuck.
38:56Fuck.
38:57This is just...
38:58My mind is in overdrive right now.
39:01It's about to blow up.
39:07Outside, sitting by the solar panels that power the whole operation,
39:12Peter then showed us the building materials
39:15he was also making out of the manure.
39:19So what do you do with this?
39:21So this could be an inside wall.
39:23Insulation?
39:24Insulation, yeah.
39:25So you could have your house insulated.
39:27Yeah.
39:28Your house would be literally full of shit.
39:30Correct.
39:31People say mine is anyway.
39:32It is.
39:33I'm rarely amazed.
39:36Lamborghini Revuelta amazed me.
39:38And that's been it for the last year or so.
39:41I mean, that's taking virtually nothing from the environment.
39:43Exactly.
39:44And it's giving more back.
39:45It's almost zero footprint.
39:48It's amazing.
39:49We actually want to reduce food losses
39:52because food losses is dramatic in the world.
39:54We're losing so much food.
39:56About 30% of all food produced is lost in the world.
40:00Yeah.
40:00While still one billion people doesn't have food.
40:02So we need to change this.
40:04And this can only be done if you produce local.
40:07So what we've established is diddly squat is in the wrong location
40:12because it's in the countryside.
40:14It's not floating.
40:16It's where there are fields.
40:18That's wrong.
40:24Obviously, I couldn't relocate diddly squat to the river Thames.
40:29But spending time with these ingenious Dutch farmers
40:33had convinced me that if we're going to survive,
40:38we absolutely had to modernize.
40:48This is the remote control toy you always wanted.
40:51Oh, my God.
40:53What is that?
40:54We have a problem.
40:55Are they going to stay?
40:58I don't know.
41:01That's been a long time.
41:03I'm back, mate.
41:04You're back.
41:05That's a bit of a man-ug, isn't it?
41:23I'm back.
41:38I hope we this weekend.
41:39We could put goin' on too soon as I'm back.
41:40We will no longer at one of them.
41:40But we'll be back on here all the time.
41:40And as soon as you can see,
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