- 21 hours ago
Taskmaster Season 5 Episode 4
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:04Where's the ball?
00:05No!
00:06Woohoo!
00:13I'm far going.
00:14Woo!
00:16Damn!
00:22Yes!
00:23Woohoo!
00:23Yeah, you're a good boy.
00:24Don't make me chocolate, yeah!
00:28You're gonna be like this today, aren't you?
00:39Hello and welcome to Taskmaster.
00:41My name is Tom Gleeson and this is the show that has people's eyes glued to the screen.
00:46That's not a metaphor.
00:47One of the upcoming tasks is glue your eyes to a screen.
00:50Fastest wins.
00:51Or is it?
00:52I don't know.
00:53I'm watching all this crap for the first time just like you.
00:57Vying for my love and attention tonight.
00:59We have Anissa Nandala.
01:01CHEERING
01:02Brett Blake.
01:04Celia Pakwola.
01:06Joe Creasy.
01:09CHEERING
01:09And one more time,
01:11we have Perth's very own Rose McManus.
01:16And beside me, as always, the young man who, for some reason,
01:20is always a bit sticky, it's Tom Cashman.
01:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:28All right, let's dive into a prize task, shall we?
01:31I think we shall.
01:32Our first task is a prize task, as usual.
01:34The winner of tonight's episode will take home all five of these prizes.
01:38Tonight, our contestants have been asked to bring in what they consider to be
01:41the thing that definitely isn't the taskmaster, but when it's squinted at, most looks like him.
01:46LAUGHTER
01:48OK, well, this feels pointedly offensive.
01:51LAUGHTER
01:52Which makes me love it.
01:55LAUGHTER
01:55All right, Joel?
01:56I've gone with a bowling pin.
02:00Oh.
02:01LAUGHTER
02:06I'm kind of with you on the head, but I'd like to think that the body does not quite...
02:11LAUGHTER
02:12She's curvy.
02:13She's curvy.
02:14LAUGHTER
02:15So by that, is he saying you're a pale redneck?
02:18LAUGHTER
02:20Yes, that's exactly...
02:21Yeah, thank you, right.
02:22That's what I meant.
02:23APPLAUSE
02:24All right.
02:25Uh, Anissa, what did you bring in?
02:27I looked all across the web for something that I thought looked most like you,
02:32and I think it is...
02:33Slenderman.
02:34LAUGHTER
02:39First you were redneck, now you're doing blackface.
02:42LAUGHTER
02:44Uh-uh-uh, Taskmaster.
02:47Although, on the upside, you do look pretty skinny.
02:50LAUGHTER
02:52I must admit, I don't know who Slenderman is.
02:54Who's Slenderman?
02:54I don't know much about Slenderman, but I think...
02:56As a pastor, he's like online folklore.
02:58Yeah.
02:59Yeah.
02:59He kills people.
03:00Oh.
03:01LAUGHTER
03:02Usually children.
03:04But he looks fabulous doing it.
03:06He is Slender.
03:07So good.
03:07I don't kill children, only careers...
03:10LAUGHTER
03:11Speaking of, Rove.
03:12What did you bring in?
03:14LAUGHTER
03:16APPLAUSE
03:19Um, I brought this picture...
03:21Yes.
03:22..which looks nothing like you.
03:24Oh!
03:25..except it's one of those 3D image things,
03:29and it legitimately works that it has your face in there
03:32when you squint, the image comes out.
03:34Can I say as well, I've tried it.
03:36It actually is...
03:37It works.
03:37Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:38I'll try it.
03:39Go on.
03:41There I am.
03:41We got it, we got it doing the squinty eyes.
03:43Yeah!
03:44Blackface and squinty eyes in one episode.
03:46Yeah!
03:48APPLAUSE
03:51Now we just need to get you to do an accent
03:54and it'll be a home run.
03:55Yeah.
03:56I could just unleash some of my actual opinions.
03:59LAUGHTER
04:01All right.
04:02Celia, what did you bring in?
04:03Oh, OK.
04:04I have a two-year-old,
04:05so I spend a lot of time at play centres,
04:08often before they open, going,
04:09let me in, look after my kids
04:10so I can look at my phone!
04:12LAUGHTER
04:12And I was in a play centre
04:14in a toilet cubicle when I saw this.
04:19LAUGHTER
04:21Now, it takes a bit of squinty,
04:22but it also needs one of your classic faces.
04:24You know when you do the eyebrow raise thing?
04:25Oh!
04:25Which makes one of your eyes...
04:27So can you do that face like that?
04:31And what's so nice is in the reflection
04:32we can see you taking a dump.
04:34Well...
04:36I did want to clear that up
04:37because I don't want you to think, Tom,
04:38that I was thinking about you
04:39whilst I was on the toilet doing a poo.
04:41My daughter was.
04:43LAUGHTER
04:44LAUGHTER
04:50I'm just happy to appeal to a younger audience.
04:53All right?
04:54Brett?
04:55Well, the thing that most looks like you
04:57is hidden in the audience,
04:58so if you want to go have a little look...
05:00What?
05:00Oh, yeah, he's going to love this.
05:02Yeah.
05:02Do you want to yell out your line?
05:04I'm a bald dickhead
05:05and I host two TV shows.
05:08LAUGHTER
05:14It's your brother!
05:16That's funny!
05:17You know what?
05:20My brother and I, our voices sound identical.
05:23I must admit, when you started talking I was thinking,
05:25I don't remember recording that.
05:27LAUGHTER
05:27Because our voices sound exactly the same.
05:30Say that line, bro.
05:31Which line?
05:31The bald dickhead part?
05:33No.
05:34Or I host two TV shows.
05:37No, our voices sound exactly the same.
05:39Our voices sound exactly the same.
05:41It's f***ed up, isn't it?
05:43APPLAUSE
05:46My favourite part of that was Brett screaming,
05:48It's your brother.
05:49It's funny.
05:50LAUGHTER
05:52I didn't know if you could see.
05:53Your eyes could be bad.
05:54I don't know.
05:55All right.
05:56Well, I guess I better make up some points.
05:58Yes.
05:58I must admit, I hadn't heard of the Slender Man,
06:01so I'm going to give Anissa one.
06:03OK.
06:03Then I'm going to give two points to Joel,
06:06because it kind of looked like me,
06:07but I think the body did not look like me at all.
06:10Also, it was a very literal definition,
06:12but I did like it.
06:13But if you squint, you can see me in the magic eye picture,
06:15so three points to Rove.
06:16OK.
06:17Also, I really like the lateral thinking of Celia.
06:20It was like looking in a mirror.
06:21LAUGHTER
06:22But for five points, I'm going to give it to Brett,
06:24but this is mostly because Nick is my younger brother
06:26and he really wants my approval,
06:28so I'm giving Brett five points.
06:30Yes, Nick!
06:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
06:35OK, that's enough real life for me.
06:37Time to stare blankly at a screen, I think.
06:40You got a little task for me there, Mr Cashman?
06:42I certainly do.
06:43I present to you the Presence of Presence.
06:46MUSIC
07:04That was not a joke.
07:05Where...
07:06LAUGHTER
07:08For me?
07:09Mm-hmm.
07:10You rapped.
07:11And one not very well.
07:13Mmm.
07:14Ah!
07:15This is like a word one.
07:17I don't like word ones.
07:19Is it Scrabble?
07:20Do you like Scrabble?
07:21Does it look like I like Scrabble?
07:23LAUGHTER
07:24Shall we?
07:27Correctly place the remaining letters.
07:29Each box either contains letters or clues.
07:32You may not leave the lab, but I hate the lab so much.
07:36Fewest boxes opened wins!
07:41Your time starts now.
07:42Oh, I love it!
07:42It's a word puzzle!
07:44Am I meant to make a word?
07:46LAUGHTER
07:47You're going to be like this today, are you?
07:49Does someone want another Mono Brown?
07:55OK, whose miserable attempt at solving this puzzle,
07:58shall we see first?
07:59They haven't torn up letters this quickly
08:01since they received the invites to my 30th.
08:03It's Anissa, Celia and Joel.
08:06So, this is meant to be a word.
08:08It's probably safest to go with a vowel.
08:10I'm going to buy a vowel.
08:14It's a little muffin.
08:15Oh.
08:16I've got a cupcake.
08:17It's a summer's birthday.
08:18So, it's something to do with a birthday.
08:20What's that?
08:21A cake.
08:22I just want to look everywhere.
08:23There's always, like, a clue somewhere.
08:28Year, month, day.
08:30Now, a smart person will get something from this.
08:33That doesn't really help me, but it will.
08:36I'm going to buy another vowel.
08:37Ooh.
08:38It's like it's my birthday.
08:39I love it.
08:41My favourite type of man.
08:43A man without a head.
08:44One who can't talk.
08:48What is that?
08:49Lettuce.
08:50Am I the dumbest person to have been on this show?
08:53I'm smart as f**k, so we're going to work it out.
08:55All right, I'm going to put another one in.
08:59Four eyes.
09:00Oh, yay.
09:01Isn't that great?
09:02A whole bunch of eyes.
09:04What is that?
09:05That's my umbilical cord.
09:07No, it's not.
09:08Why is it massive?
09:10That was a big baby.
09:11If we're going to go the birthday thing, then the R.
09:16Jesus' birthday?
09:18When's Jesus' birthday?
09:19I think you know when Jesus' birthday is.
09:21If this is your mum's placenta, I'm going to be really upset.
09:24It was bigger than that.
09:29What's this to you, Tom Cashman?
09:30I can play you a song if you want.
09:31Yes, please.
09:53Happy with that?
09:54I don't know.
09:57Okay, whose birthday is it?
09:59Happy birthday to who?
10:01Ah, happy birthday, Nisa!
10:04All right, so it's my birthday.
10:07I thought that was a letter.
10:09Roman numerals for dummies.
10:11Are they Roman numerals?
10:14What does that mean?
10:16Ah, sick!
10:17Ah, sick, sick, sick!
10:19What is this?
10:23Oh, a Roman numeral!
10:26This bitch is small.
10:28It doesn't make sense.
10:29What doesn't?
10:30The task.
10:31My birthday is the 8th, so 8th is V-I-I.
10:36Cake, cupcake, birthday cake, birthday.
10:43Lettuce.
10:44It is very rude to make a woman puzzle her age on television.
10:48Ah!
10:50That's...
10:5183.
10:54Oh!
11:01Whoa!
11:04Come on, brother.
11:05There's a gap.
11:06Yeah, but you know what I'm trying to say.
11:08Oh!
11:13What does that say?
11:14Do you know what?
11:15I don't need to know.
11:16Thanks, Tom.
11:17Can I keep this?
11:18No, actually.
11:18Thanks, I'm going to keep that.
11:19Thank you!
11:20Bye!
11:26Quite a tricky little task, that one.
11:28I've got to say, Joel, when you asked,
11:30am I the dumbest person that's ever done this show,
11:33was that a rhetorical question?
11:36And I wear it with pride.
11:38I just put the letters in until they made sense.
11:40I only now know it was my birthday,
11:43and, yes, I was born in 1990!
11:47Were you?
11:48Yes, Tom.
11:49I've had...
11:49I might have had a little bit done,
11:51but, yes, I'm not that old.
11:53Yeah, well, usually when people get things done to their face,
11:55it makes them look younger.
11:56LAUGHTER
12:00So, Anissa, how long was it between you saying,
12:02I'm smart as **** and when's Jesus' birthday?
12:07LAUGHTER
12:09How far apart were those two statements?
12:11There was a lot going on.
12:11Roman numerals, Jesus' birthday, it was a lot to focus on.
12:15I knew it was my birthday, I knew it was Roman numerals.
12:17Yes.
12:18But I just couldn't put those two things together.
12:21LAUGHTER
12:21Just basic primary school comprehension skills
12:23to combine the two things.
12:24OK. But, Celia, you were onto it.
12:26Well, when I found the thing under the thing,
12:28I was just... I was so excited.
12:30And then I went around shaking the boxes
12:31to figure out which ones had tiles in them.
12:33But I thought it was your birthday for a very long time.
12:36If it was my birthday, I would have had a big smile.
12:39LAUGHTER
12:40Yuck!
12:42You know...
12:45And you souvenired something at the end there, Celia.
12:47Tom's umbilical cord.
12:48Oh.
12:49Why were you attracted to that?
12:51I'm going to clone him.
12:53LAUGHTER
12:54I'm going to have an island of Tom's and you can hunt him.
12:58LAUGHTER
13:00Well, I think we need to get to the scores.
13:02Joel took 58 minutes and 50 seconds...
13:05..and opened XV boxes.
13:07That's 15.
13:09Anissa took one hour and 12 minutes...
13:12Oh, no.
13:12..and opened XIII boxes.
13:14That's 13.
13:15So two ahead of Joel.
13:16Celia took just 24 minutes...
13:20..and only opened X boxes.
13:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
13:26All right.
13:27Time for a break for the length of about CLXXX seconds.
13:31See you soon.
13:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
13:44Welcome back to Taskmaster, where we're reliving everyone's favourite part of childhood.
13:48Year 10 Latin.
13:50That's right.
13:50It's puzzle time.
13:51Our contestants are trying to recreate their birthdays in Roman numerals.
13:55Fewest boxes opened wins.
13:57He was pissed off even being in the room.
13:59How pissed off can he get during the task?
14:01It's Brett Lake.
14:03It's like Christmas.
14:04You're meant to start with the small box.
14:06But I've never done that in my life.
14:12Grand piano.
14:14It's not a grand piano.
14:15What does that say, mate?
14:16Oh.
14:17It says grand piano.
14:18Would you like me to play something?
14:19No.
14:21Cupcake.
14:22It's something to do with birthday.
14:23M.
14:24M.
14:25M.
14:26How do I make this game stop?
14:30Dice.
14:35Dice.
14:37Thongs.
14:38It's like Roman or some shit.
14:40It's a birthday, Roman, it's Roman numerals.
14:45I'm getting it, but I'm not getting it.
14:47Jesus wore sandals.
14:49Was Jesus in Gladiator?
14:52What the f*** is that?
14:53It's an umbilical gourd.
14:54Yes.
14:55Birthday.
14:56Someone's birthday.
14:58I get it, but I don't get it.
15:04Happy birthday.
15:05Jesus.
15:06Careful.
15:07Taskmaster.
15:08It'll be fun.
15:09Will it?
15:10You're not on the show, dickhead.
15:13Lettuce.
15:14Funny.
15:15Socks.
15:16It's a shit Christmas present.
15:18Funny.
15:19Oh, I know how to make the game end.
15:21If I just open everything, then I f***ing lose.
15:24Oh, it's a notepad.
15:25It probably says happy birthday.
15:27I get it, but I don't get it.
15:29Happy birthday, Brett.
15:30That's actually quite sweet.
15:31Um, that's really nice.
15:32Thank you, John.
15:33Put that there.
15:35Psych.
15:36Idiot.
15:38Happy birthday, Brett.
15:39Like, what's my birthday?
15:40Is it something to do with my birthday?
15:42Jesus.
15:43Am I Jesus?
15:44It's a clue.
15:49Have you considered thinking about the clues rather than...
15:51No!
15:52I am thinking.
15:53This is how I think.
15:57It's a wreath.
16:00Bejesus.
16:01I need this task.
16:03Least boxes wins.
16:05Fewest.
16:07Don't.
16:08Roman Numerals for dummies.
16:11So, like, okay, I've got to read this and then, like, a beautiful mind on a board figure
16:16it out or something.
16:17And guess what?
16:17I'm not doing it.
16:18This is the last box.
16:20V.
16:21V for victory.
16:23I'm done.
16:25I'm done.
16:32I'm done.
16:34That is the Brett Blake we have come to know and love.
16:38I mean, so, you said all the answers.
16:41Yes, but I didn't understand.
16:43It was a birthday.
16:44I was like, what's Jesus' birthday?
16:46Is it Christmas or New Year?
16:47I didn't understand.
16:50I didn't know.
16:50Who knows?
16:52You even said Roman numerals.
16:54Out loud.
16:55I had all the data, but just no bridge between the letters and how it all...
17:00At one point, you had a birthday card for yourself and you came up with, am I Jesus?
17:06I could be.
17:07I don't know what the challenge or task was.
17:09I reckon Jesus would have nailed this.
17:13Give me another thing to throw at you.
17:18Over the years, I've opened a lot of boxes and I've never thought to drop an elbow on it.
17:23You've got university energy, I've got TAFE.
17:25We're different.
17:27Okay, so you're saying like getting a knife and just gently opening a box.
17:31University.
17:31TAFE!
17:33Yeah.
17:34Yeah.
17:34That's a great ad though.
17:35TAFE!
17:36I'd go!
17:38University.
17:38TAFE!
17:40Alright, well I think we have to look at the score.
17:42Well...
17:43Well, Brett opened every box.
17:46Yeah, but don't I get a point for being cool?
17:48Well, no, because you haven't really watched the show before and unfortunately if you had,
17:52you'd know people who give up on a task, I punish.
17:55Oh!
17:56So I'm going to have to deduct a point.
17:58Okay.
17:58Because you gave up.
17:59Okay.
18:00I feel like you watched the footage, you assumed you were there for 23 minutes and 42 seconds.
18:05Oh!
18:05Not that long.
18:06Anissa gave it an hour.
18:08And I still don't know when Jesus' birthday is, so...
18:12Who's left then?
18:13Who better to finish off a task about ancient Rome, it's ancient Rome!
18:19I'm going to have a think.
18:20Mark, my task is to correctly place the remaining letters.
18:26I'm going to say that these are the two remaining letters.
18:30Because if I take these away, there are no more letters remaining.
18:34And then we finally have all the letters back in their box.
18:38Am I right, Tom?
18:39That is not for me to say.
18:42But I'm glad we had this time.
18:45You're done.
18:46What's Brett Blake going to say now?
18:48Thanks, Tom!
18:50Thanks, Rob.
18:53Well, I guess I need to be the judge and I have to ask,
18:56is this an ingenious execution of the task?
18:59Is it a hack?
19:01Yeah, it's not.
19:02Zero points.
19:04But I like what you're thinking.
19:06It was replace the remaining letters opening the least amount of boxes.
19:10So I thought if I put the two remaining M's back in the M box,
19:14I have therefore opened zero presents.
19:16Wrong!
19:17What kind of psychopath can walk into a room full of wrapped boxes and not open a single one?
19:25Wait, how am I the psychopath?
19:27I don't know.
19:28I'm really disturbed.
19:29Alright, so what are the scores overall for the task?
19:32Well, that means we've got Brett with minus one,
19:34Rove with zero because he didn't do anything.
19:36Joel gets three points, Anissa gets four, but Celia wins the task with five points.
19:42And I feel like we need the overall scores for this episode.
19:45Rove is in last place with three points,
19:47and Celia is out in front with nine points.
19:52Jeez, it doesn't get much better than this.
19:54We'll have a break because with great TV comes great ads.
19:58See you soon.
20:10Welcome back to Taskmaster, where our comics are competing for the most prestigious prize in television,
20:16a commercial toilet roll holder.
20:18So, Tom, fire up another one for us.
20:20This next one is about big and small things,
20:23like, for example, the Taskmaster's ego.
20:25And the sun.
20:40Tom!
20:41Hey there, Tom.
20:43Hello, Tom.
20:44Hi, Celia.
20:44Hello, Tom.
20:46Big task.
20:48Oh, it's teeny tiny.
20:49So small.
20:49How cute.
20:50Shall we?
20:50Let's go.
20:53Choose your favourite little item on the Taskmaster retreat.
20:56Choose your favourite big item on the Taskmaster retreat.
21:01Once you have chosen it, you must all put your hand on it and say,
21:04this is our favourite big item.
21:07This is our favourite little item.
21:09You have five minutes.
21:11Your time starts now.
21:13What's a tiny thing?
21:14I like the knife.
21:15It's a nice big suit of armour.
21:17We could have picked Tom.
21:18Do you want it to be Tom?
21:19Yeah, I think Tom is.
21:20I think so.
21:21What a good thing.
21:22We've got some time to dress him up.
21:23Yeah.
21:24Let's do that.
21:24Yeah.
21:25I'm happy to go with the suit of armour.
21:26I think it's big compared to children.
21:29Jacket off is a fair compromise.
21:31Jacket off.
21:31I think, though, baby hair, though.
21:33But I'm...
21:33Why am I a baby?
21:35Because you're little.
21:36Because you're little.
21:37This is our favourite big item.
21:40This is our favourite little item.
21:42This is our favourite little item.
21:45Could you pass me my jacket, please, Brad?
21:46Oh, no.
21:47This is going to be a trap.
21:49This little...
21:49Oh, I hate when they do this.
21:53Alright, we've got another one.
21:54What?
21:56Create a reality show starring your chosen little item.
22:00All team mates must also be in the reality show.
22:03The most realistic reality show wins.
22:05You have 30 minutes.
22:07Great.
22:08Your time starts now.
22:09Oh, my God.
22:10Is it like...
22:11Is it like the, you know...
22:12Toddlers and tiaras.
22:13Toddlers and tiaras.
22:14Maybe that's...
22:14It's supposed to be real real.
22:15Yeah, I've never seen it, but I reckon whatever makes Tom uncomfortable, I'm stoked with that.
22:19Ooh, that alone one where people have...
22:21I love that show!
22:23Yes!
22:23They starved themselves in Tasmania.
22:31OK.
22:32Well, we've got the teams are back.
22:33Obviously, we've got the breakfast show, which is Rov and Anissa, and we've got the drive show, which is Celia
22:38and Brett with Joel Creasy.
22:40I thought it was interesting that one team had to get your favourite big thing, and the other team had
22:45to get your favourite small thing, and they were the same size.
22:49OK.
22:49Who's got this?
22:50Are we gonna watch first, Lester Tom?
22:52Up first, starring a suit of armour, it's Anissa and Rove.
23:10I don't even know what day it is.
23:12I'm struggling.
23:14I'm really struggling.
23:15I've been eating sticks for a month.
23:20I know a lot of people back home bet money for me to win this because I'm African and living
23:25without resources should be easy, but...
23:28I'm really struggling.
23:30I miss my family.
23:32I miss food.
23:33I haven't shit in a week.
23:36It has to be longer than that.
23:38I haven't shit in three weeks.
23:41Yeah, good day.
23:43It's Leroy.
23:44I'm tapping out.
23:46And I think it's time for me to go home.
23:48I can't.
23:49I can't.
23:53Hang on, just let everyone take that in for a sec.
23:56You know, it's pretty...
23:57You OK?
23:58Everyone OK?
24:00Yeah, look, it's tough, but I'm hanging in there as best I can and I'm not ready to tap.
24:05I just want to stay.
24:06I've got more in me.
24:07I know I can get...
24:08Surprise!
24:10Mum?
24:10Gavin, you've won, son.
24:12You've won!
24:13You're so proud, Gavin.
24:16Oh, you did it.
24:17Oh, a beautiful boy.
24:19Oh, bloody what?
24:20Oh, you've lost so much weight.
24:23Oh, I'm sweating.
24:24It's very sweaty in here.
24:26Be careful now.
24:27Oh, our hero.
24:29Oh, gracious me.
24:31Oh, I've got to get back to court.
24:37I think The Breakfast Show did a great job.
24:40Anissa, I thought it was very moving how you were brought to tears because you missed
24:43your true love shitting.
24:46It was very emotional.
24:48Yeah, feels fantastic.
24:51You do realise in the bush you can shit anywhere.
24:54Yeah, I don't know why I said that.
24:58But like I said, it was very moving.
25:00And that's true to the show, isn't it?
25:01That's how the winner is announced.
25:03Yes, they don't know that they've won until their loved ones come and tell them it's
25:06all over.
25:07Okay.
25:07And it's equally as emotional as that.
25:12All right, let's watch the other guys now.
25:14Oh, no.
25:14Next up, starring me, it's Celia, Brett and Joel.
25:18I like the monkey.
25:19I like the monkey.
25:24Welcome back.
25:25The annual Toddlers and Tiaras Big Dog Energy event is about to begin.
25:28The competitors come from all over the world to compete and this year the returning champion
25:33back to protect his crown is Chad with his mother, Jessica.
25:37I'm Jessica here with the reigning champion, my boy Chad.
25:40Say hi, Chad.
25:41Hi, my name's Chad.
25:42It's Chad.
25:43I love beers.
25:43I love beer nouns and I love movies.
25:45No, you love crayons.
25:46You love crayons.
25:47It's bad.
25:48But the contestant that everyone is talking about is newcomer direct from the Paris Olympics,
25:53the in Paris family, Tommy and his mother, Emily.
25:56We are very, uh, uh, how you say?
25:59Uh, overjoyed.
26:00Overjoyed to be here, uh, competing against these, uh, trashy.
26:06Trashy disgusting, uh, piggy.
26:07Piggy.
26:08Oh, un, deux, trois.
26:09Oh, un, deux, trois.
26:11Oh, un, deux, trois.
26:11Oh, hey there.
26:12Hi.
26:13Bonjour.
26:13Me, Emily, and, uh, Tommy in Paris.
26:16Oh, my God.
26:16I think they're speaking in tongues.
26:18They're you two.
26:18Praise Jesus.
26:19Jesus be on you.
26:20Anyway, we're just gonna say good luck.
26:22Do you wanna give him a hug?
26:22I'll give him a hug.
26:23That's how good we are.
26:24Disgusting.
26:25Disgusting.
26:27Disgusting.
26:27Good luck out there.
26:28You know, when you lose, just don't take it too hard, okay?
26:31I respect your people.
26:32Trashy, let's go.
26:33Piggy.
26:33Piggy.
26:35Hey!
26:37Check out that one, Mama.
26:39She's nice at the house.
26:40Just like you, Mama.
26:41Oh, guilty.
26:43Guilty.
26:43I know I'm a baby, but I'm allowed his bottle.
26:48Woo-wee!
26:49That is some real...
26:51Wow!
26:52Oh, my God.
26:54That's actually...
26:55You okay, baby?
26:56Oh!
26:57Avert myself, Mama.
26:59I feel a little bit sick, I will be honest with you.
27:03What do you think, judges?
27:04Woo!
27:05Look at that!
27:06I'm so proud.
27:07You did it!
27:08Take that back to France.
27:10Our motto is, uh...
27:13Petit Miam.
27:14It's French for...
27:15We're going to you up.
27:16Oui, oui, oui, oui.
27:18Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
27:31Bravo!
27:32Bravo!
27:33Magnifique, baby!
27:36Mag...
27:36Oh!
27:38Hey, Ma, someone did a dookie in the pants!
27:42That is disqualification, I think!
27:45Yucky!
27:46Disgusting!
27:47Disgusting!
27:48Good luck out there.
27:49I respect your goodwill.
27:51Crammy!
27:51Steal the king!
27:53Steal the king!
27:53You got it!
27:54Ah, wait, wait, wait!
27:55Baby, make un petit discovery!
27:58What?
27:58Un protest!
27:59You what?
28:00Un protest!
28:00Don't come near me with that ex!
28:03Un protest!
28:04It's 25 years old!
28:06What?
28:08I don't know what you're talking about!
28:09Cheeto!
28:10Alright, fine, we got Rumble, baby, fine.
28:12Fine, he's 25, okay?
28:14Come on, baby!
28:15Champion!
28:16Applause!
28:17Applause!
28:21Applause!
28:31I think the drive show nailed it, too!
28:34That's what reality TV show looks like to me.
28:36I don't watch it very often, but that's how I feel watching it.
28:39I feel a bit ashamed.
28:42But I think it was great.
28:43There are lots of twists and turns.
28:44I feel like I want to know about how you came up with it.
28:48So do I.
28:48I'm still confused as what I was doing.
28:50I have no idea.
28:51I think we all were.
28:53Guilty.
28:55I did actual storyboarding.
28:57She did!
28:57Yeah, that was so good.
28:58I feel like we were good to have some fun.
29:00Alright, well, I guess I have to score the drive show versus the breakfast show.
29:03Most realistic reality show wins.
29:05Pretty hard to separate the two.
29:07I did enjoy both of them.
29:08But I'm going to give the drive show just slightly behind 444 55 to the breakfast show.
29:13Okay?
29:13Yay!
29:18Good luck, Jessica.
29:19Good luck, Jessica.
29:19Tom Cashman just whispered in my ear that he needs to go and do a shit, so we're going to
29:23have an ad break.
29:24Back soon.
29:39Welcome back to Taskmaster, where five comedians are in the process of reaping what they sowed.
29:45Lesser Tom, I think we're due a new task.
29:47We sure are.
29:48And in the words of Michael Jackson to that baby, let's go to the balcony.
30:04Oh, what a beautiful morning.
30:08Oh, what a beautiful morning.
30:08Hey, Tom.
30:09It's the afternoon.
30:11Oh, what a beautiful oven.
30:16Hi, Tom.
30:16Hi, Rav.
30:17It's nice.
30:19Is it a trap?
30:20No.
30:20If it was a trap, would you say that?
30:22No.
30:22OK.
30:26Want to try that one again?
30:28No.
30:30Precariously dangle something off the balcony.
30:33Your dangle must last at least 30 seconds.
30:38If your dangle thing falls, you were disqualified.
30:41Most precarious dangle wins.
30:43Your dangle begins when you firmly state,
30:46I'm now dangling.
30:48A bonus point will be awarded for the most valuable thing dangled.
30:54You have 10 minutes.
30:55Your time starts now.
30:56I don't really value anything.
30:58So it's got to be like something valuable
31:00and it's got to look like it's on something shit,
31:02but it's not shit.
31:04Yeah.
31:05Boom.
31:06OK.
31:12Just to be clear, getting the envelope out of the ribbon
31:15wasn't supposed to be the heartbeat.
31:17And also, Brett, thanks for explaining the task
31:19to all of our viewers who go to TAFE.
31:24The working-class man's hero.
31:26OK.
31:27Who's perilous dangling are we going to be looking at first?
31:30The first contestants we've wrangled to dangle
31:32are Anissa, Rove and Joel.
31:33Oh, I know it's valuable and I know it's precarious.
31:36What's the going price on a GoPro camera?
31:40$322.
31:41That's pretty good.
31:42May I use lollies?
31:44They're very valuable.
31:45Without it.
31:47What did you know?
31:48You can find out once I'm dangling.
31:49You'll find out why this is very precarious.
31:51Some people would be terrified if I were to lose these.
31:54This is what I reckon we're going to dangle with.
31:58There's nothing precarious about this.
32:00What's this one?
32:01What's that one?
32:02It's a 12 black.
32:04$650.
32:04Oh, come on!
32:06Are you kidding me?
32:08Here we go.
32:09Oh, that's very precarious.
32:11That's feeling precarious.
32:13Ah, it's not quite precarious enough.
32:16I've got an idea.
32:17Are you a knot guy?
32:20Um...
32:22Yes.
32:22It's dangling off the battery pack, which is dangling off the apron, which is dangling off
32:28a Viking helmet, which is dangling off this fake tree.
32:33Okay.
32:33Oh, this is super precarious!
32:36The precariety is increasing.
32:39See, that was a good test.
32:41That's why we have tests.
32:42I'm not changing anything.
32:43And there's nothing precarious about this.
32:47There's actually nothing precarious about this.
32:51Good.
32:53Easy does it.
32:55Now I'm dangling.
32:57Is that the line?
32:59Prompt.
32:59Can't help you, unfortunately.
33:02Do you have fun?
33:03Oh, thank you!
33:04I'm now dangling!
33:06I'm now dangling!
33:08I'm now dangling my antidepressants.
33:11Oh.
33:12It's very precarious of a loose eyes.
33:18I don't think anyone's going to find anything more precarious and dangerous to lose than that.
33:23See?
33:23They're working.
33:29Do you have any Botox or filler?
33:31No.
33:32Have you?
33:33What do you think?
33:39Oh, God.
33:44Thanks, Tom.
33:46Thanks, Anissa.
33:53So, Anissa, you were jumping a lot between this is precarious, this is not precarious at all, and often you're
33:59talking about the same object.
34:02I got more of the same item to increase the precarious of it, and that did not fall because the
34:11task was finished, you said it's over now.
34:14The task wording doesn't say that, so, your dangle must last at least 30 seconds, if your dangled thing falls,
34:20you are disqualified, it doesn't say only within that 30 seconds.
34:23I'm displeased with this.
34:49I'm displeased with this.
34:53It's better than my mental health, so, I have nailed that task.
34:57Well, I looked it up, and because of Australia's fantastic pharmaceutical benefit scheme, antidepressants are very cheap, $30.
35:04Oh, so, I shouldn't be depressed anymore, is that what you're saying, just because I can afford it, I shouldn't
35:10be depressed anymore, like, all the shit that's happened in my life, it's a task of that value, and if
35:16I had all the power in the world, I would make you not depressed anymore, yes.
35:20You're not doing a very good job of it right now!
35:24What I'm more concerned about is, it doesn't weigh much and it was just tied very firmly with a piece
35:29of string, that did not feel precarious.
35:31Have you seen these wrists?
35:33Ray Gunn thinks she got it from a kangaroo, she got it from the gay community.
35:39So, Rove, what I enjoyed was, you did come up with, I would say, it was something very precarious.
35:44Oh, the precariarity scale was off the chart.
35:47Yeah, but what I really enjoyed was, it didn't work, and you didn't change your thing, and you still went
35:53with it.
35:54Well, that was part of the thrill of it, Tom.
35:57And it, but it was, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but.
36:02Ooh!
36:04Rove, Rove, Rove, Rove, Rove.
36:05No.
36:06No.
36:07Hey, Rove, no.
36:08I would say, you are in a very precarious position right now.
36:12Rove, you probably don't remember, it's really hard to host a show.
36:23If anyone gets too worked up, I've got some stuff in my dressing room that'll sort you all out.
36:28All right, let's see some more dangling Cashman.
36:30He's been dangling hair over the back of his neck for years, so this one should be a layup.
36:34It's Brett Blake.
36:40That looks expensive.
36:42What can I dangle it with?
36:43You're a knot guy?
36:45Yeah, but my knots are really good.
36:47Hey, Tom.
36:48Yeah?
36:48How good are you at knots?
36:50Not very good.
36:51That's expensive, and you tying a knot would be shit.
37:00There's no real good rigging point.
37:02Isn't there a wire on the back?
37:04It doesn't look really secure though, does it?
37:09That's really put a spanner in the work, hasn't it?
37:12That was good.
37:13That was sick, dude.
37:14Grab that end of that rope.
37:17Right, I want you to feed that rope through there.
37:20Great work.
37:20You're doing well.
37:21Now, the rabbit comes out of the hole.
37:23Where's the rabbit?
37:24That's the rabbit.
37:24Oh, that's the rabbit.
37:25That's the hole.
37:25So come out of the hole, and then pull this one.
37:27That looks like a rabbit now.
37:28Look at that.
37:28No, we've got two minutes.
37:30Can you just, buddy, do it?
37:32Sorry?
37:32Yeah.
37:33So I guess we just, you know.
37:39I am now dangling!
37:44Just kidding.
37:47I'm happy with that.
37:49Nah, I better respect Tom.
37:51He's done well, you know?
37:54To earn this job.
37:55To earn this job.
38:02Thanks, Brad.
38:12You know what?
38:13It was a great concept, because you're good at tying knots,
38:15and you decided that lesser Tom, he admitted he wasn't good at tying knots,
38:19but then you proceeded to show him how to tie a really good knot.
38:22Yeah.
38:24The rope was shit, you actually didn't do a correct version of that knot,
38:28and it still held.
38:29So precarious.
38:30If you need the number for a doctor baby boy, like, just let me know, I'll hook you up after.
38:34Oh, trust me, I'm very well medicated.
38:38The knot was really good, it worked really well, but it all doesn't really matter, because it fell on the
38:42ground.
38:42Well, yay!
38:43With me!
38:45No, so that's another DQ, unfortunately.
38:47Okay.
38:48Well, I guess I have to give out some scores.
38:50Oh.
38:51Oh.
38:54Excuse me?
38:55Was yours that bad?
38:57Let's just have a...
38:58No.
38:59Let's...
39:00Go on.
39:01Tom.
39:02Thank God you're here.
39:06Finally, some respect.
39:07No, he's right, hosting's really, really hard.
39:10Do you want me to help?
39:13Can you throw to the ad break, please?
39:15Because I'm sick of doing it.
39:16Time to sell some ads.
39:17We'll be back with more Taskmaster Australia right after this.
39:33Welcome back to Taskmaster, where we're watching our comedians do a Romeo and Juliet and engage in risky behaviour on
39:41a balcony.
39:41That's correct.
39:42Our contestants are dangling something off a balcony.
39:45Most Precarious Dangle wins, and there's an extra point for Most Valuable Thing Dangled.
39:49Up last, she's the only contestant who didn't ask for a definition of the word precarious.
39:53It's Celia Pakola.
39:55Let's get dangling, Tom.
39:56Can I cook some spaghetti?
39:58How fast can I cook spaghetti?
39:59How does the spaghetti come into it?
40:00Because it's gonna break.
40:02Cook spaghetti is very weak for dangling.
40:04You know what all of the internet is trying to get from everyone?
40:08It's my attention.
40:10I think my attention is probably the most valuable thing that I've got.
40:13Some people get very mad when you put the pasture in before the water is boiling.
40:16I know, I know, I know, but I don't have time for it to boil.
40:19How long have I got?
40:20I really think this is gonna work.
40:20Five minutes and a second.
40:21Just as a backup, I'm gonna loosely dangle this gold pelican.
40:26Okay.
40:26Which I assume is real gold, so that's very valuable.
40:29It's not real gold.
40:29You don't know that.
40:34That's not cooked enough.
40:36How long have I got?
40:37Three minutes and 26 seconds.
40:39I feel like this isn't gonna be heavy enough.
40:41Could I write my attention on something heavier?
40:43Tiny pot?
40:44What do we reckon?
40:45I mean, that's the most pathetic thing I've ever seen in my whole life.
40:54Okay.
40:5420 seconds.
40:5720 seconds.
40:5812 seconds.
40:587.
40:59Okay.
41:006.
41:015.
41:024.
41:033.
41:042.
41:05I am now dangling!
41:16I forgot.
41:17Why didn't you bite it?
41:18I was trying to make it more precarious and I did.
41:22Yep.
41:23Like, really too much.
41:25Oh, God.
41:27Anyone want my attention while we're at it?
41:28Go on?
41:29No?
41:30Okay.
41:36So, the spaghetti was very precarious.
41:38I like the look of that.
41:39Why'd you change?
41:39What you're looking at there is a series of excellent ideas.
41:44Perfectly executed.
41:46No notes.
41:47Well, I think the wool was also a great idea.
41:49No.
41:50I can tell you that it was definitely the most precarious.
41:53Oh.
41:54But the problem was, it snapped.
41:57It didn't snap.
41:58I bit it in half with my teeth.
41:59That's what I did.
42:00I was like, this looks too stable.
42:02And I was trying to like, you know in like Indiana Jones movies where like a rope goes
42:05toink, toink, toink, toink, toink.
42:06Juliet just bit it like an animal.
42:08Like an animal.
42:10So, how many points do I get?
42:12None.
42:14So, really I'm just judging Joel and Rove.
42:16Yeah.
42:17Like, well that's very easy for me.
42:18Rove's was far more precarious.
42:19Okay.
42:20So, four points for Joel, five points for Rove.
42:22That's right.
42:24We also need a bonus point.
42:25So, what's more valuable, Joel's mental health or a GoPro?
42:32The most valuable object for all five of them was easily the antidepressants.
42:37Okay.
42:37One point for Joel.
42:38Yes, Lance.
42:43Alright, but how does that affect our episode scores?
42:46Well, we've got Brett in fifth place on eight points, but Joel is in front with 14 points.
42:50What's close?
42:52Alright, everyone.
42:54Nearly there.
42:55Head on up to the stage so we can all get out of here.
42:57Up you go.
43:02Alright, Cashman, who's reading the task?
43:05Rove will read the task.
43:07Alright.
43:09Either grate an entire block of cheese, eat a quarter of it, or hit Tom with half of it.
43:21If you throw it at Tom, you must throw underarm.
43:26Joel, you and me, golden.
43:27Yes.
43:29You may not move from behind your table, and your table may not move.
43:35Fastest wins.
43:36I've got a question.
43:37Are you wearing a cup?
43:41And if so, is it for the task?
43:44I am not wearing a cup.
43:45That's actually a very astute question.
43:47The reason I'm not wearing a cup is I will be posing that way.
43:50Please begin.
44:05Don't hit the cameras.
44:06I should've eaten it.
44:10Oh!
44:15You got it, mate.
44:16You got it!
44:22It's really good.
44:24It's got protein in it.
44:26Watch out!
44:28Watch out!
44:33Is this just not relevant anymore?
44:39You can blow your whistle.
44:45All right.
44:46Well, I must say, due to cost of living, all that cheese that we had to purchase really blew
44:50our budget, so we need some ads to pay for it.
44:52See you soon.
45:04Hello, and welcome back to Taskmaster, where we're about to find out who's going to be
45:09walking away with the most handsome prize pool in history if you just squint at it.
45:14Unfortunately, we're all out of tasks, so it's time to tot up the scores and see who's
45:17won.
45:18Who won the live task, Lesser Tom?
45:20Well, as you saw, and I didn't.
45:22Brett hit me immediately.
45:23Celia hit me not long after that.
45:25Then there was a grating race between Rove and Anissa.
45:27Anissa finished first, but actually, I'd like to maybe show you something.
45:31You don't really have to.
45:33You don't need to show anything.
45:36Some regular grating there.
45:38And then...
45:39Oh!
45:52Why are you making a black woman work?
45:57So Anissa is disqualified for her cheating.
46:01That means Anissa gets zero.
46:02Joel gets two points.
46:03Rove gets three.
46:04Celia gets four.
46:05But Brett wins the task by picking it up me with five points.
46:08And you are now, yeah.
46:10Okay, so adding it all up, you little human calculator, who won the episode?
46:14Well, Anissa gets punished for her cheating ways.
46:16She's in last place with ten points.
46:18But the winner of tonight's episode is Celia with 17 points!
46:24Congratulations, Celia.
46:26Head to the stage and claim your things that sort of, kind of, maybe a little bit look
46:30like me.
46:30Off you go.
46:35Well, there we go.
46:37Please give one more warm cheer to our winner, Celia.
46:40Goodnight.
46:41Yeah!
46:58Now the real fun begins.
47:00Eh, eh, eh.
47:01Oh!
47:04All the information you need is in the task, Dom, so...
47:09I know I'm out!
47:11I hope you're enjoying this game because it's going to go on for some time even when you're the main
47:16character you look like an NPC
Comments