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00:00Ah, so much for celebrating. Come on, let's go.
00:06Out of chaos comes opportunity, just like we play.
00:11Welcome to Mojo Plays. It would seem that technology getting better didn't make the licensed game genre any stronger,
00:17and the PS3 was where the age of cheap cash-in games began to slowly die out.
00:23Look, I know that navigating a temporal maelstrom is less than ideal, but if you could just calm down about
00:28it,
00:28be like that then!
00:31Before we continue, be sure to subscribe to our channel and ring the bell to get notified about our latest
00:36videos.
00:39007 Legends
00:49James Bond is one of the coolest and most suave characters ever created,
00:54and deserved far better than this to celebrate the spy's 50th anniversary.
00:58The idea was at least a novel concept, allow players to relive some of Bond's most iconic moments from 50
01:04years of films,
01:05but, in practice, it was a disjointed anthology with Daniel Craig's rendition of 007
01:11awkwardly inserted into scenes replacing the version of Bond that made them so memorable.
01:15This alone would have been bad enough, but the clearly rushed production of the game led to it being riddled
01:20with bugs,
01:21glitches, incompetent and downright dumb AI, poor controls, and just overall incredibly low production values.
01:29The level design and gameplay loop are also incredibly linear, bland, and boring,
01:34with none of the in-game objectives feeling particularly Bond-esque.
01:38The multiplayer was at least decent, but the bar was already so low,
01:42any part of the game that wasn't broken deserved praise.
01:46It's not too late.
01:49Together we could rule the Earth.
01:51I think not.
01:57The Expendables 2
02:07Isometric twin-stick shooters are the go-to genre for developers looking for a quick tie-in game
02:13for a popular IP, and without fail, we ended up with The Expendables 2.
02:18Based on Sylvester Stallone's popular Nostalgia Bait action series,
02:21even for a downloadable $15 game in 2012,
02:25this was as low effort as you could get with a license.
02:28Absolutely nothing in the game was redeemable.
02:31The controls were broken and imprecise, the graphics were ridiculously dated,
02:36but still somehow had an overabundance of pop-in,
02:38the guns felt woefully underpowered, made worse by the bullet-spongy enemies,
02:43and the various upgrades were either completely pointless or broken.
02:46The only thing about the game that captured the fun of the films
02:49was if you somehow convinced some friends to play co-op,
02:52and you make fun of the experience the entire time.
02:55We got our money, man!
02:57You waste more than a million dollars.
03:04The Punisher, No Mercy.
03:06Hell of a time for that dead arm to spasm, Burbank.
03:11Time to check out that cargo.
03:13Another tie-in, another cheap and lazy downloadable game for a popular license.
03:17Genuinely, why is it so hard to create a Punisher experience?
03:21Somehow a game based solely around shooting bad guys doing bad things wasn't just bad,
03:27it was one of the worst games on the PS3 by quite a long shot.
03:30Designed primarily as a multiplayer deathmatch arena shooter,
03:34No Mercy couldn't even get the basics of the genre or even the character right.
03:39Shooting mechanics were floaty and lacked any real impact,
03:42hitboxes were inconsistent, or worse, non-existent,
03:45and level design wasn't even a consideration,
03:48with most levels amounting to nothing more than empty buildings or shipping yards.
03:52The advertised single-player campaign was nothing more than some awkward gunfights
03:57against braindead enemy AI that both have zero self-preservation skills
04:01and are also ridiculously overpowered,
04:04able to eat your bullets like bits of popcorn.
04:07Stick with Jon Bernthal's Punisher.
04:08You'll have a better time.
04:09Last thing I need's a damn sermon right now.
04:13Ghostbusters Sanctum of Slime.
04:15Ghostbusters have had exactly one good video game adaptation
04:18in their long tenure of ghostbusting,
04:21and Sanctum of Slime is yet another entry that was better off left in the afterlife.
04:26Another isometric twin-stick shooter,
04:28you and your somehow less-than-braindead AI companions hunt ghosts
04:32across 12 of the blandest and most boring corridors this side of the back rooms,
04:37each more indistinguishable from the last.
04:39Even worse, all the typical chemistry between the Ghostbusters is completely absent,
04:44replaced with lifeless cardboard stand-ins for the team fans really want to see
04:48under the guise of new recruits.
04:50Combined with a ridiculously short playtime of only a couple hours,
04:54countless bugs and glitches, as well as the aforementioned incompetent AI,
04:59there really is no redeeming quality in the game.
05:02Doctor Who, The Eternity Clock.
05:04Well, in return, I'll figure this out.
05:06Stop the time storm. Problem solved. Everyone happy?
05:13All of Time and Space, where do you want to start
05:16on how this was such a disappointing entry into the Doctor Who canon?
05:20The idea of taking up the TARDIS of arguably the best modern Doctor,
05:25the 11th Doctor,
05:26for an original interactive adventure had every possibility
05:29of being a wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey bit of fun through time and space,
05:33especially with the voice cast returning,
05:35but this is one adventure even the Doctor couldn't save.
05:38Full of frustrating puzzles, made worse by River's terrible AI,
05:42broken and buggy controls,
05:43which make even the most simplistic action of a 2D platformer more difficult,
05:48and a story that never reaches the same height of cleverness as the show,
05:51makes battling the Daleks seem like a leisurely Saturday afternoon.
05:55Even the most dedicated Whovians would be better off skipping this one,
05:59even if it is still better than the last decade of Doctor Who.
06:03Oh, great work, Doctor. Absolutely smashing.
06:09Thank heavens there was no one around to do that.
06:12MIB Alien Crisis.
06:14Then come out with your hands, tentacles, grapple claw,
06:17or other appendage-like extensions raised in the air!
06:20Right. First step? Escape the cops.
06:24There are bad, low-effort, cash-grab tie-in games,
06:28and then there's whatever the hell MIB Alien Crisis was.
06:31Rather than lean into the investigative or even third-person action shooter,
06:35the dams decided, nah, let's make it an on-rails shooter,
06:38and crapped out what is easily one of the cheapest and most low-effort licensed games on the entire list.
06:44With graphics that wouldn't be cutting-edge on the PS2,
06:47character dialogue that was also so bad even the in-game models refused to say it,
06:52along with one of the most basic gameplay loops that instantly became boring after the first couple of minutes.
06:58Alien Crisis might as well have been another generic shooter wearing an MIB disguise.
07:02Most people have thankfully been neuralized to forget the game even exists,
07:06and we're going to need to refresh her just looking at this footage.
07:09Just look right here at the little red dot.
07:12Run! For God's sake, run!
07:14Isn't that more tentacles than normal?
07:16Just enough to make it a job for the MIB.
07:19Fast and Furious Showdown.
07:21Sorry bro, I couldn't help myself.
07:23I run for old time's sake.
07:25First to a fit.
07:27Then you got me racing in LA.
07:30Just think of it as Miami on a bigger dance floor.
07:32The small is making you crazy, man.
07:34The Fast and Furious movies have continued to push the boundaries of what we thought was possible in action movies,
07:40with insane stunts, action sequences, and the core focus on family.
07:44The tie-in game Showdown is none of those things.
07:46You wouldn't think adapting the over-the-top races and action of the Fast and Furious movies would be that
07:52difficult.
07:53Racing games have been around for generations,
07:55and games like Split Second showcase the franchise's insane action sequences.
07:59But somehow, the devs manage to take everything great about the movies and leave it at the starting line.
08:04Bland and boring races, multiple on-rails sections, zero spectacle or camaraderie,
08:10even the sense of speed from the tricked-out cars is somehow missing.
08:13All the frequent bugs, glitches, and frame rate drops only add to the frustrations
08:18compounded by the game's AI that barely has a learner's permit.
08:22This is one entry that should be completely disowned by the Fast and Furious family.
08:27True, but the problem is he already knows our entire playbook.
08:32That's why we have to get a new one.
08:34Mobile Suit Gundam Crossfire.
08:36You saved us out there. We owe you one.
08:39The Federation's got some tough mobile suits.
08:43I knew you could do it. The mission was a success.
08:46Launch titles are expected to be a bit jank or not take advantage of the new hardware,
08:51but Mobile Suit Gundam Crossfire was so unbelievably bad,
08:55it should have self-destructed instead of releasing.
08:58Gundams are meant to feel massive, and the game nails this aesthetic for all the wrong reasons.
09:03The entire game runs like the check engine light is on.
09:07Crossfire has some of the worst performance issues of any video game ever.
09:11With such constant frame drops, the game feels like it's playing in slow motion.
09:16A laundry list of technical issues including spotty collision detection,
09:19a camera that is fighting for its life,
09:22and environments and particle effects so bad you'd think they were created in Microsoft Paint.
09:27Combine all this with lame and repetitive missions,
09:30a half-baked narrative with bland characters,
09:32made worse by the abysmal voice acting,
09:34and this one-year war feels like an eternity.
09:37All targets confirmed destroyed.
09:41Disengage and cease operation.
09:43Kick-ass the game.
09:44Hey, you guys got a problem?
09:48Yeah, you're the problem.
09:49Oh look, the isometric angle is back again.
09:52And not only that, it's yet another lazy cash grab rushed out
09:56to coincide with the release of a popular movie
09:58that doesn't understand the license it's adapting.
10:02Everything about the game feels second-hand.
10:05The animations of the characters are incredibly stiff and lifeless,
10:08the voice acting is below subpar,
10:11and every environment is nearly indistinguishable from the last.
10:15Even the core mechanic of beating up random thugs is half-baked,
10:18with inconsistent collision detection and bland, boring encounters,
10:22made even worse by lackluster enemy AI.
10:25The only saving grace is the game is relatively short,
10:28so if you don't give up on it within the first few minutes,
10:31your torture will thankfully be brief.
10:34And if you somehow manage to make it all the way to the end,
10:36there's absolutely nothing worth returning for.
10:39Even playing with a friend can't save this one.
10:42Not this time.
10:47Kung Fu Panda 2.
10:49Wait, wait, wait.
10:51Shen's the...
10:52Wait, hang on.
10:53Ah, ran all the way over here.
10:58Ah, sideache.
10:59I'm just...
11:00I gotta catch my breath.
11:01Of all the games that adapted the beat-em-up formula,
11:04Kung Fu Panda 2 was one of the few that made sense.
11:07And yet they somehow still managed to screw it up.
11:10On the surface, the game has decent enough production values
11:13and some decent voice acting to boot.
11:15However, it's when you start playing the game,
11:17its lack of chi begins to show.
11:19Gameplay is shallow and repetitive,
11:22relying on button mashing more than any real depth of combat,
11:25and the game suffers from padded and confusing puzzles,
11:28made worse by the ridiculous amount of backtracking
11:30to complete the simplest objective.
11:32And then the technical issues somehow made everything worse.
11:36Poor collision detection,
11:37ugly and muddy textures,
11:38a choppy frame rate,
11:40and even constant screen tearing
11:41makes the game feel like it was rushed out in the alpha stage
11:44to coincide with the release of the film.
11:46The Dragon Warrior deserves better.
11:49You continue to make us all proud, Paul.
11:57X-Men Destiny.
11:58No!
12:01It's Magneto!
12:04People!
12:05Peace!
12:05Peace was named Paul!
12:06I guess Magneto just gave us a vote of no confidence.
12:09The idea of a choice-and-consequence-driven X-Men game
12:13that allows players to create and customize
12:15their own unique X-Men
12:16sounds like a million-dollar idea
12:18and the start of a potential franchise.
12:21However, we doubt even another million dollars in the budget
12:24would have been able to save this one.
12:26For a game designed around choice and the player's actions,
12:29every choice the player makes has little to no impact
12:32and all feels completely meaningless
12:34with every branching path
12:36eventually leading to the same outcome.
12:38The core gameplay loop doesn't fare any better
12:40with a floaty and broken camera,
12:43unresponsive controls in combat,
12:45battling against generic and repetitive enemies
12:47with moves that have no weight or impact
12:49befitting of the X-Men name.
12:51The underutilization of iconic X-Men
12:54only makes the entire X-Men experience
12:56feel more like a tie-in game wearing a costume
12:59than a proper member of the Xavier Institute.
13:02Enough!
13:02You accuse me, you useless!
13:07Wolverine, don't!
13:09Wolverine, we are all friends here.
13:12No!
13:13No, you're not my friend.
13:16Hellboy, The Science of Evil
13:18The right hand of Doom deserves so much better than this.
13:22After abysmal games on both the PS1 and the PS2,
13:25you would hope they'd finally figured out the formula
13:28for at least a decent Hellboy game,
13:31but you'd be wrong.
13:32Repeating the mistakes of the past,
13:34The Science of Evil features bland, repetitive combat
13:36that grows boring and button-mashy very quickly,
13:39and does little to nothing to make you feel like the all-powerful Hellboy.
13:43The camera is the true nemesis of the game,
13:46fighting the player at every turn,
13:48and when it isn't constantly getting stuck in the environment,
13:50it's somehow losing track of Hellboy.
13:53The story is almost as non-existent as the game's lack of voice acting,
13:57really any game that tells its story through still images is guaranteed to be dull,
14:01and the entire game is just ugly to look at.
14:04Sadly, Hellboy's video game outings don't get any better from here either.
14:08Beowulf, The Game
14:09I, Hrothgar, master of battles, king of the day,
14:16I have a story for you.
14:18Copying another successful series' game mechanics
14:21for a quick licensed tie-in game
14:23can result in some underrated gems,
14:25but that's not what Beowulf, The Game, is.
14:28Adapting one of the oldest stories ever told,
14:31utilizing the tried-and-true God of War formula,
14:33makes a lot of sense.
14:34But that's only if your development team
14:36is competent enough
14:37to understand the gameplay loop
14:39is more than just mindless button-mashing.
14:41With none of the weight, brutality, or fluidity of Kratos,
14:45Beowulf's movements feel slow and unresponsive,
14:48and the overabundance of quick-time events
14:50are more of an annoyance than a gameplay feature,
14:52made worse by the incredibly small timing windows.
14:55The camera, along with numerous bugs, glitches,
14:58and broken, clunky controls,
14:59only further drag down an already miserable experience.
15:02You know it's bad
15:03when even the bizarre CGI film
15:05offers a better experience.
15:07Now be gone, son.
15:09Hell is no place for heroes.
15:14Terminator Salvation
15:15One thing remains constant.
15:18Whatever we try to do to stop the machines,
15:22it's never enough.
15:25Points to Terminator Salvation
15:26for not being another isometric shooter,
15:28but that's about the only thing it has going for it.
15:31Even by 2009,
15:33the Gears of War-style cover-based shooter mechanic
15:35was becoming oversaturated,
15:37and that was by games that used the mechanic properly.
15:40Movement, cover, and basic shooting mechanics
15:42felt weightless,
15:43with none of the impact or gravitas you would expect,
15:47compounded by the fact that enemies
15:48were literal bullet sponges,
15:50making every encounter feel long and annoying
15:53rather than snappy and satisfying.
15:55Long load times and countless glitches
15:57only further hampered the experience,
15:59and for a game about an all-powerful AI,
16:02both enemies and allies are remarkably dumb.
16:05Just like the film itself,
16:07Terminator Salvation adds nothing to the franchise
16:09and is better off forgotten
16:11like one of the series' many alternate timelines.
16:14But it wasn't about the numbers.
16:17It was about the message.
16:18It was about principle.
16:21I think in time, they'll understand.
16:25Star Trek
16:34Star Trek as a licensed property
16:36has some of the most possibilities of any IP.
16:39But unfortunately,
16:40for the adaptation of J.J. Abrams' reboots,
16:43the devs thought a generic third-person cover shooter
16:45was the best option.
16:47The inclusion of Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto
16:49as Kirk and Spock respectively
16:51brings some authenticity to the title,
16:53but everything else is a poor imitation
16:55of the Star Trek license
16:56and even basic shooter mechanics.
16:59There's almost nothing about Star Trek
17:01that feels like Star Trek
17:02outside of character names
17:04and the name on the box.
17:05The game suffers from innumerable bugs,
17:07and the PS2-level animations
17:09are janky at best
17:10and broken at worst,
17:11compounded by endless clipping issues
17:13and broken AI on all sides.
17:16Even the game's selling point,
17:18Co-op,
17:18is so broken,
17:19it's basically unplayable.
17:21This game was in development for years,
17:24but somehow someone shipped the beta build
17:26and called it a day.
17:29I believe that water is now an electrical hazard.
17:32We need to find a way across
17:33without stepping in the water.
17:35Iron Man 2
17:38Jervis!
17:40You there, buddy?
17:41I think I might be having a heart attack.
17:44Playing a video game as Iron Man
17:46should be the ultimate power fantasy.
17:49You can fly at high speeds,
17:50you have a literal arsenal attached to your suit,
17:53and your armor makes you nearly indestructible.
17:55So, how do you screw it up?
17:57You make it incredibly boring
17:59with monotonous and repetitive quests,
18:01ugly and extremely dated graphics,
18:03remove any of the impact of the suit's power and weapons,
18:06and somehow make flying
18:07the most frustrating part of the entire experience.
18:10Nearly every mission in the game
18:12is exactly the same.
18:13Awkwardly fly to a location,
18:15shoot the thing,
18:16destroy the thing,
18:17fly to the next location,
18:18and repeat.
18:20Every. Single. Time.
18:22The armor customization is a cool idea,
18:24but was poorly implemented,
18:26just like everything else in the game.
18:28If you want a better Iron Man experience,
18:30play Marvel's Avengers,
18:31or Anthem.
18:32Oh, oh wait.
18:34Wait, okay, we're at it.
18:36Once upon a...
18:39I still don't know how to save the world,
18:42but I'm pretty good at guessing.
18:44Rambo, the video game.
18:45How long have you guys were dead?
18:47Ha!
18:47Glad to see you too, Sergeant!
18:49We got a chopper coming for you guys,
18:51but it's gonna get messy.
18:52You guys need to crash that party.
18:55Adapting Rambo to a video game
18:56should have been the easiest IP to adapt.
18:59Just take the Far Cry formula
19:00and drop Rambo in it.
19:02Boom. Done.
19:03However, that's not what we ended up with.
19:05Not even close.
19:07Dropping players into some of the ugliest graphics,
19:09especially egregious,
19:10even for a late PS3 game,
19:12with some of the muddiest textures,
19:14awful character models,
19:15and some of the most on-rails gameplay,
19:17literally,
19:18nothing about the one-man army Rambo
19:20felt present here.
19:21The game itself is a walking dumpster fire.
19:24Somehow, despite being a basic on-rails shooter,
19:27the game is absolutely infested with bugs,
19:29glitches,
19:30shoddy frame rates,
19:31and it's even subject to constant crashes or freezing.
19:34Sometimes, something like Rambo
19:36can be a
19:37so-bad-it's-good kind of experience,
19:39but this one is just every kind of bad you could imagine,
19:42but with a $50 price tag.
19:44This mission is over, Rambo.
19:46Do you understand me?
19:46This mission is over!
19:48G.I. Joe, The Rise of Cobra
19:59Hail Cobra
20:00Given the IP and its video game track record,
20:03the bar for a G.I. Joe game was already pretty low,
20:07but damn!
20:08Everything about The Rise of Cobra
20:09is somehow the absolute bare minimum,
20:12but then somehow even worse.
20:14The camera is undeniably the worst thing
20:16about the entire experience,
20:18either just outright trapped or poorly positioned
20:21with the characters barely visible on screen,
20:23which makes the already frustrating combat
20:25even more impossible.
20:27Aiming and targeting are incredibly awkward and broken,
20:30making the already annoying core gameplay loop even worse
20:33thanks to the busted controls and a cover system
20:36that is just there to tick a game mechanic's box.
20:39And just to round out the package,
20:41the graphics are an eyesore,
20:43making PS2 games look cutting-edge
20:45if you even stick around
20:47through the ridiculously long load times to see them.
20:49Yet another budget tie-in game
20:51that had the balls to charge full price.
20:54Yo, Joe!
20:55Nice work, people.
20:56We were right to be suspicious
20:58of the activity in this area.
21:00Thor, God of Thunder
21:02How did you know you weren't hitting
21:06the real me with that hammer?
21:08You'd never let yourself actually get hurt.
21:10Using the God of War style combat for a Thor game
21:13in theory makes a lot of sense,
21:15but only if the gameplay matches the intensity
21:17associated with that style of gameplay.
21:20Sadly, everything about that series' formula
21:22isn't present in Thor, God of Thunder,
21:25making him Thor, God of Thud.
21:27Hits feel floaty and unresponsive,
21:30made worse by the game's poor hit detection
21:32and slow animations during combat encounters.
21:35As if swinging your hammer at enemies
21:37with all the power of a wet napkin wasn't bad enough,
21:40the camera might not even let you see the combat
21:42as it routinely gets stuck in the environment
21:44or just gets distracted by something shiny.
21:47And for a game about Thor,
21:49the title has almost nothing
21:51that feels truly epic or grand
21:53thanks to the bland and muddy visuals
21:55and cinematics that are as boring as the combat.
21:58It's understandable why the MCU
21:59quit having video game tie-ins after this one.
22:02Forget my son, that within the Odin sleep,
22:06I see all, truth and tricks alike.
22:10At least some of us have found
22:12some measure of redemption this day.
22:15The Walking Dead Survival Instinct.
22:17Well, we could...
22:18There, he's too busted up.
22:20Nothing can be done now except ease his suffering.
22:24Even back in 2013,
22:26Walking Dead fatigue was already starting to creep in.
22:29And if not for Telltale's Walking Dead series,
22:32Survival Instinct might have been
22:34the final video game adaptation of the zombie series.
22:37Playing as Daryl Dixon sounds like every fan's dream,
22:40but was in fact a nightmare worse than The Walkers.
22:43If there's a mechanic in this game,
22:45you can guarantee it's broken.
22:47The traditional zombie killing
22:48is marred by technical issues like poor hit detection,
22:51the stealth, even as basic as it is,
22:53barely functions,
22:54and even resource management
22:56and the most basic survival mechanics
22:58only did the bare minimum.
22:59The entire game is infested with bugs and glitches.
23:03And we get that Walkers are inherently dumb,
23:05but this is beyond the pale
23:07and your allies seem to be afflicted by the same disease.
23:10Compared to Survival Instinct,
23:12surviving an actual zombie apocalypse is more appealing.
23:18Sorry, brother.
23:20What was the worst licensed PS3 game
23:23you wasted your time and money on?
23:25Share your regrets in the comments.
23:27Did you enjoy this video?
23:29Check out these other clips for Mojo Plays,
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