- 12 hours ago
Desperate Housewives Season 3 Episode 8
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🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Previously on Desperate Housewives,
00:03the new neighbor...
00:04He's cute.
00:05He's a bachelor.
00:06...became a hero.
00:09In a crisis that brought Julie and Austin together,
00:12while Carlos and Gabby broke apart...
00:14I had a career and a future,
00:16but I gave it all up for you,
00:18and what did I get in return?
00:19The police assembled their pieces of evidence.
00:23Your phone number was written on her hand.
00:25I can't help you.
00:26No memory yet.
00:27It's convenient.
00:34Karen McCluskey had always believed in helping others,
00:37whether they wanted her help or not.
00:42What's all this?
00:43You know how you never got around to painting your garage door?
00:46Well, it's done.
00:48Hope you like blue.
00:53Baxter, you found him!
00:56Yeah, and I got him neutered, too.
00:57Figured you wouldn't want any more strays around here.
01:02Karen!
01:02Hi, Alberta.
01:04I took these down for you since, you know,
01:06Christmas was six months ago.
01:09Yes.
01:10Mrs. McCluskey's helping hand was known throughout Wisteria Lane.
01:14But on this day, it was about to get...
01:17slapped.
01:18What the hell are you doing?
01:19Huh?
01:20Geez, Edie, you scared me.
01:22What are you doing here?
01:23Getting Mike's house ready.
01:24He comes back from the hospital tomorrow.
01:26Since when do you have a key to his garage?
01:28He gave me one, in case of an emergency.
01:32Don't lie to me, Prune.
01:33Fine, I found it under his mat.
01:35Look, I'm not doing anything wrong.
01:37I just come over once a week and start his mower so the engine doesn't get rusty.
01:40And do you mow your lawn with it, too?
01:43What's the big deal?
01:44I'm doing him a favor.
01:45Well, he doesn't need any favors from you.
01:48I'm gonna go through Mike's house room by room, and if I find as much as one paperclip missing, I'm
01:52calling the cops.
01:54Funny you should talk about stuff that's missing.
01:56I found those pictures of Mike and Susan you threw out.
02:00Pictures?
02:01Oh, don't act for me.
02:03I know that Mike's been having troubles with his memory.
02:06My guess?
02:07You don't want him to remember how crazy he was about his old girlfriend.
02:11I don't need to resort to deception to land a man.
02:15Oh, Edie, I saved the pictures.
02:19And I can show them to Mike anytime I like.
02:25Yes, Karen McCluskey believed in helping others.
02:29Where are you going with this?
02:31Which she felt gave her the right to help herself.
02:55You're right.
02:55I'm not legal.
02:56You're right.
03:10You're left.
03:13You're right.
03:14Why don't you do that?
03:16I love the truth, Mo.
03:18Bye,bye.
03:21So remember to be polite.
03:23Each year as part of their fundraising drive,
03:26the Fairview Adventure Scouts would award a shiny new bike
03:29to whoever sold the most magazine subscriptions.
03:33And each Scout would set out utterly convinced the prize would be hers.
03:40That's the beauty of youth.
03:42Little girls believe anything is possible.
03:46That is, until they grow up and get divorced.
03:51Hi.
03:52What if I told you there was a way you could help children
03:54while also reading your favorite magazines at a reduced price?
03:58Would you like to hear more?
04:00Sure. Knock yourself out.
04:03Wise choice.
04:04For the Lady of the House, we offer Red Book, Glamour, Vogue U...
04:09I think you mean Vogue, sweetie.
04:11You sure?
04:12I should know. I was on the cover.
04:15No way.
04:18Uh, way.
04:23Oh, see that coat I'm wearing in this shot?
04:25That's genuine ocelot fur.
04:27Although the photographer was the real animal, if you know what I'm saying.
04:34Which I hope you don't.
04:37And don't ever do drugs, okay?
04:39Being a model must be so amazing.
04:42Why did you stop?
04:44Well, I fell in love.
04:47Got married and moved to the suburbs for the whole fairytale happy ending thing.
04:53That was a crock.
04:55So, you going back to modeling?
04:58No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
05:00Why not?
05:01What else are you going to do?
05:06You're going back to modeling?
05:08This is so sudden.
05:09Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves.
05:11I'm just going to fly to New York, meet with my old agent, and take it from there.
05:17Come on, you guys.
05:18This is exciting.
05:19Be happy for me.
05:21Oh, we are.
05:22We're just going to miss you, that's all.
05:24Well, now that my divorce is final, I need a reason to wake up in the morning.
05:28I have this hole in my life that can't be filled by shopping.
05:33That's right, I said it.
05:38Oh, my gosh, Lynette.
05:39Oh.
05:44The kids, they're dying to see you.
05:46Hey.
05:48Hey.
05:49Oh, my gosh.
05:50You didn't have to do this.
05:52Hi.
05:54You look great.
05:55Well, apparently taking a 38 slug to the shoulder agrees with you.
05:59Yeah.
06:00Um, listen, about that, the kids don't know what happened.
06:03They don't?
06:04I thought they were a little young to deal with their mother getting shot.
06:06All I told them is Kayla is staying with her grandmother, and I made up a story about how I
06:11got hurt.
06:12Hey, Mom!
06:13Oh, here they are.
06:15Hello, baby side.
06:17Hi.
06:18Hello.
06:19Can't believe you got in the fire with a hobo.
06:23Yeah.
06:25Well, let's see how well you do on a morphine trip.
06:27Mommy, come inside.
06:28We helped Mrs. McCluskey make your favorite lunch.
06:31Fantastic.
06:31Lead the way.
06:32I'm coming in.
06:33Come on, hurry up.
06:33I'm happy.
06:34Let's go.
06:34Let's go.
06:35There she is.
06:37Oh, my goodness.
06:39Oh, my goodness.
06:39Oh, my goodness.
06:42Hey, why don't you go inside and get the party started, and I've got to, okay?
06:46Gotcha.
06:46How are you, buddy?
06:47I'll be right there.
06:53Hey.
06:55Hey.
06:56Lynette.
06:56Yeah.
06:57You're home.
06:57Yeah.
06:58How are you doing?
07:00I'm good.
07:00I just...
07:04How do I thank the man who saved my life?
07:10You don't have to say anything.
07:16I'm going to make you a cake.
07:19I'm going to make you a cake.
07:19A cake?
07:20Yeah.
07:20I never make cakes.
07:22This is huge.
07:23In that case, thanks.
07:33Yeah, I'm going to make you a cake.
07:40Christmas carols, it's not even Thanksgiving.
07:42I'm starting my cards early this year.
07:44It puts me in the mood to spread holiday cheer.
07:47With the pack of lies in this family newsletter, she spreads holiday denial.
07:51Andrew, it's etiquette.
07:52Nobody wants to read the truth at Christmas.
07:54Well said, darling.
07:55Honey, would you put on another CD?
07:57Something with sleigh bells.
08:00Oh, by the way, Orson, I need your mother's address at the nursing home.
08:05Oh.
08:06Well, I appreciate the thought, darling, but you need to send her a card.
08:09Don't be silly.
08:10I'm sending one to the man who reads our gas meter.
08:12I can certainly send one to your mother.
08:14She's completely senile.
08:15She'll only try to dunk it in her coffee.
08:17Well, all the more reason to send her one.
08:18Let the nurses know that she has family at home who loves her
08:22and who could drop by at any minute and slap them with a lawsuit.
08:27Brie, I hear what you're saying.
08:28Orson, it's a big deal.
08:29It's just an address.
08:33Fine.
08:34I'll get my book.
08:35The home is somewhere over in Lakeview.
08:38Lakeview?
08:39Oh, you gave me the impression that she was back east.
08:41Well, that's because, frankly, I wanted to avoid this conversation.
08:44But if she's only 30 minutes away, why haven't you been visiting her?
08:49Okay, the truth is, it breaks my heart to see her now.
08:53I want to remember her as she was.
08:55But Orson...
08:56Brie, I refuse to sit in a room that smells of disinfectant and lime jello,
09:01making small talk with a woman who doesn't remember me.
09:03Now let it go, damn it.
09:11But, by all means, do send a card.
09:16The elves will tickle her.
09:26Well, shall we?
09:27Wait.
09:28Julie's going to know we came home early from the restaurant to check up on her.
09:31I don't want her to think I'm overprotective and clingy.
09:34The girl was held hostage.
09:35It's only natural you're going to be a little bit clingy.
09:37Yeah, it's been a week.
09:38I'm getting on her nerves.
09:40How about this?
09:41We came home early because we hated the restaurant.
09:43The service was dreadful and the lobster was inedible.
09:47Okay.
09:53Wait.
09:53If we hated the restaurant, then why are we bringing home food?
09:56Good point.
09:58Wait, wait, wait, wait.
09:59Are you kidding?
10:00That's lobster.
10:01Okay.
10:02I thought the restaurant was fantastic.
10:05And you were the fussy snob who was impossible to please.
10:09Why do I have to be the fussy snob?
10:11Because you're British.
10:13Fine.
10:14But I trust you'll make it up to me later by doing the things a gentleman expects when he's sprung
10:19for lobster.
10:20Oh.
10:33I'm not getting any tonight, am I?
10:40You're supposed to be having dinner.
10:41It's my fault.
10:42I found the restaurant to be absolutely...
10:44Oh, let it go.
10:45We came home because I was worried about you, and with good reason.
10:48You put on your shirt and get out.
10:51Well, I didn't bring a shirt.
10:54See, I was out running and...
10:55Who cares?
10:56Go!
10:59How could you treat him like that?
11:01If Austin hadn't been in that supermarket, I might not be here.
11:03Yes, and I am grateful, but I found a way to say thank you without taking my top off.
11:07A couple of buttons came undone.
11:09It's not like my boobs were out.
11:10Okay.
11:11Well, it's getting late, and I really...
11:13No, Ian, am I overreacting here?
11:16Well, I can understand in the heels of a crisis, two people might bond and find themselves...
11:21You're a very naughty girl.
11:23Julie, that boy drinks, he steals, and now I find him mauling you on my couch?
11:28That's it.
11:28I forbid you to see him.
11:30You can't do that.
11:31I choose who I date.
11:32Yeah?
11:32Well, I choose to ground you.
11:34Two weeks, baby.
11:35Fine.
11:35I'll just see him at school.
11:36Well, then you won't go to school.
11:37I'll homeschool you.
11:38Right.
11:39You're going to teach me trig?
11:40You can't even balance your own checkbook.
11:41Yes, and you will be poorly educated, and you won't get into college, and you will work
11:44for minimum wage for the rest of your life, all because of that boy.
11:47I hope you're happy.
11:50Mom, I like this guy, and I'm sorry if it makes you unhappy, but I'm going to keep seeing
11:55him.
12:06Ta-da!
12:08Doesn't the place look great?
12:11I came in and straightened up.
12:12I wanted everything to look nice for you.
12:18You okay?
12:21Yeah.
12:22Yeah, it's just that I'm home, but it doesn't really feel like home.
12:28It will.
12:30Give it time.
12:31The important thing is that you're back from the hospital, and every day you're getting
12:36better.
12:37Hey, the worst is behind you.
12:46I need the Delfino search warrant.
12:48We're not going to get it without probable cause.
12:50The guy's phone number was written on a dead girl's hand.
12:52The judge is going to need more.
12:54I thought you might say that.
12:55Here's Monique Pallier's lab work.
12:58The end for its spectroscopy match paint fragments in the head wound to the Proximo line of pipe
13:03wrenches.
13:04They're high-end, only used by professional plumbers.
13:08And guess what our boy Delfino does for a living?
13:13I'll see what I can do.
13:17What do you mean you can't shoot her?
13:19Francesco, if you can airbrush her acne, you can airbrush the track marks.
13:23Now, don't call me again unless she ODs.
13:26Gabrielle, my petite fille.
13:29See it?
13:30You look amazing.
13:32Younger than ever.
13:34It's my new dermal filler.
13:35It's banned here, so my assistant smuggles it in from Brazil.
13:38Isn't it fun?
13:39I have my own drug mule.
13:41That's great.
13:43Well, I have some fun news of my own.
13:46I'm ready to model again.
13:47Really?
13:48Oh.
13:49The last time we spoke, you couldn't wait to quit.
13:51You were giving it all up for love.
13:54What happened to Prince Charming?
13:57Divorce.
13:59Oh, single again.
14:01Isn't that ironic?
14:02Since I'm the one you called...
14:03Oh, how did you put it?
14:05A career-obsessed lesbo who would die alone and be eaten by her cats.
14:11Did I see that?
14:13Water under the bridge.
14:14I thought it was funny.
14:16It's even funnier now.
14:19Look, Marcella, I'm back.
14:21And we made such a great team before, and I think we can be again.
14:25I don't know, darling.
14:26Things are different now.
14:27You're not going to be able to jump right back in where you left off.
14:30I just want to work.
14:32Boy, I'm still not sure.
14:35You know what might help?
14:37If you groveled.
14:40Are you serious?
14:43Well, I can't tell because your face doesn't move anymore.
14:46No, I'm joking.
14:47Welcome back, darling.
14:56Hi.
15:06Well, hello there.
15:09How pretty you look today.
15:11It's wonderful that you're up and about.
15:14You must be enjoying these colorful balloons.
15:21Why are you talking to me like I'm a moron?
15:25Oh, oh, I'm so sorry.
15:28The nurse pointed me over here.
15:30I'm looking for Gloria Hodge.
15:31I'm Gloria Hodge.
15:33Who might you be?
15:39Well, I must say I'm surprised at how lucid you are.
15:42Morrison led me to believe that I was in the final stages of dementia.
15:46No, I'm afraid that's just wishful thinking on his part.
15:49Well, how can he feel that way?
15:51You're his mother.
15:52I wouldn't judge him too harshly.
15:54Ours is a complicated relationship.
15:58There is love, to be sure.
16:00But we have a way of disappointing each other.
16:03Well, how does he disappoint you?
16:06He's cold, rigid,
16:09and utterly incapable of letting go of the past.
16:14And how do you disappoint him?
16:17I refuse to die.
16:21Yes, I see.
16:22Well, surely this rift isn't irreparable.
16:27Do you know how people in nursing homes spend their days, Brie?
16:32They think about the past.
16:34And all the things they'd do differently if they had the chance.
16:39Please tell Orson that I'm sorry.
16:42And in spite of everything, I still love him.
16:47Well, I have a better idea.
16:49Why don't you tell him yourself?
16:58That'd be great.
16:59I really appreciate it.
17:01Okay.
17:04So, what did Ed say?
17:05When do you have to go back to work?
17:06He said, take as much time as I want with pay.
17:09Wow, you should get gunned down more often.
17:14Hey, there they are.
17:15Hey, guys.
17:16Hello.
17:17How was school?
17:18Hello.
17:19Mommy, were you shot?
17:22Shot?
17:23Where did you hear that?
17:25Jordan Blackwell.
17:26Oh, that's the same little creeper
17:28trying to ruin Santa Claus.
17:30And he said that the same crazy lady that shot you
17:33killed Aunt Nora dead.
17:35It was on the news and everything.
17:37Listen, kids, I am sorry.
17:39We shouldn't have lied.
17:41But sometimes parents want to protect kids
17:43from scary things.
17:44And, look, the good news is,
17:46Mommy's fine now.
17:48Yeah.
17:48And we'll all see Auntie Nora again in heaven.
17:53Or wherever.
17:55Did they let you keep the bullets?
17:57No, I'm afraid not.
17:59That blows.
18:00We wanted to bring it for show and tell.
18:02Oh.
18:07Hey, sweetheart, you OK?
18:09I'm not the crazy lady comes back.
18:14She won't.
18:17How do you know?
18:18Well, because she's up in heaven with Auntie Nora.
18:25Or wherever.
18:36Julie Meyer, you get back here!
18:39You're grounded, remember?
18:42Remember?
18:47Edie Pritt, I want to talk to you.
18:50Oh, I just survived a hostage situation.
18:54Haven't I suffered enough for one week?
18:56You keep your nephew away from my daughter or else.
18:59Look, I don't like it either.
19:01But the harder we try to keep them apart,
19:03the more they're going to fight to be together.
19:05Just let it run its course.
19:07Are you crazy?
19:09If we don't do something,
19:10those two could end up having sex.
19:12Could?
19:14Oh, my God.
19:16You don't...
19:17Let me put it this way.
19:18I've got a box of condoms in my dresser.
19:21Eleven are gone.
19:22I can only account for eight of them.
19:25How can you be so calm about this?
19:28Edie?
19:29Yeah?
19:30Can you help me with this...
19:31tie?
19:35Oh.
19:37Hey.
19:38Mike.
19:39You're out of the hospital.
19:41Yeah.
19:42He's home.
19:43In fact, we're going to go out and celebrate tonight.
19:47I'll be with you in one sec, okay, babe?
19:54Since you asked,
19:56I'm calm because I know if two people are meant to be together,
19:59there's nothing anyone can do about it.
20:07Okay, I should be back at around six.
20:10They can have one snack.
20:11Try and push apples.
20:12But if they threaten violence,
20:14I have an emergency candy bar under the sink.
20:16Not anymore, you don't.
20:17Oh, jeez.
20:20Mommy?
20:21Where are you going?
20:22To the market.
20:24No!
20:25Hey, sweetie.
20:26It's a different market.
20:28You're going to get shot again.
20:29No, I won't.
20:30Lots of mommies go to the store every day,
20:32and they're fine.
20:33It's really not a scary place.
20:35You went to the store,
20:36and you got shot.
20:37And Auntie Nora died.
20:43I'm only going to be in there ten minutes.
20:45I promise.
20:47Can't she go?
20:51Fine, Uncle.
20:53Thanks.
20:55Don't give a hoot if I get shot, do you, kid?
21:14You must be Tanya.
21:16I'm Gabrielle.
21:17We're going to be co-models today.
21:21Now, I don't know if you've ever done
21:23one of these big shoots before,
21:25but don't be nervous.
21:26Durkin and I are old friends.
21:28He's a sweetheart.
21:30Now, just remember, he's the king.
21:32Do exactly what he says,
21:33and you'll be fine.
21:36I've been modeling for two years.
21:39I've done six magazine covers,
21:40and I'm sleeping with Durkin.
21:45Well, I guess you're all set, then.
21:48You've got some wardrobe choices.
21:52Hey.
21:57I want to be buried in this dress.
22:00This is for Tanya.
22:02The mom's stuff is at the end.
22:05Mom?
22:08Okay, love.
22:09Let's get the blood pumping.
22:10The concept is lock up your daughters.
22:13Okay?
22:14Get to work, everybody.
22:15Tanya.
22:16I'm going to hover down here on the lawn,
22:18looking absolutely delicious.
22:20Thank you very much.
22:21And up here on the porch,
22:23mom and dad looking all scandalized.
22:26Excuse me, Durkin?
22:27Yes, love?
22:28It's Gabby.
22:32Gabrielle Marquez,
22:33you shot me in Milan, remember?
22:35Yes.
22:36Yes.
22:37Lovely to see you again.
22:39Did you have a question?
22:40I do.
22:43Aren't you a little worried
22:45that I'm going to pull focus?
22:47I mean, it's a little confusing.
22:48People are going to see Tanya,
22:50and then they're going to see that guy,
22:53and they're going to wonder who I am.
22:56You're the mom.
22:58Yeah.
22:59Yeah.
23:00People aren't going to buy that,
23:01so here's what I was thinking.
23:02I slap on one of those gowns.
23:04I play Tanya's big sister
23:07home from college
23:08to raise a little hell.
23:10And we're going to cram all that
23:12on a subtitle, Loey.
23:14I'm sorry.
23:15It's just his outfit.
23:15It's hideous.
23:17Just make it work.
23:20Fine.
23:21Just need a moment to get into character.
23:28Gabrielle, what's the holdup?
23:30We've got to get moving here.
23:32Ready, ready.
23:36What's that?
23:37Oh, I made it work.
23:39I'm hot, Mom.
23:45Get me her, agent.
23:51Before we begin,
23:52would either of you like some cookies,
23:54milk, lemonade, perhaps?
23:56Mom, why are we here?
23:58Ah, cutting to the chase.
24:00I like it.
24:06I have a confession to make.
24:08This whole dating drama
24:09has been keeping me up at night,
24:10and I hate being the bitchy, naggy mom.
24:13When it comes to parenting,
24:14I am much more comfortable
24:15playing the good cop.
24:17Do you see where I'm going
24:18with this, kids?
24:20No.
24:20Oh.
24:22Well, in that case,
24:24meet the bad cop.
24:28Daddy!
24:29Hey, baby girl.
24:31That the guy?
24:32Yep.
24:34Get him.
24:41This is so unfair.
24:42Look, you defied my wishes,
24:44you broke my rules.
24:45Did you really think
24:45I was just going to throw in the towel?
24:47Face it.
24:48I outsmarted you.
24:50Ugh.
24:57Who's Ian?
24:59What?
24:59You're dating some British guy
25:01named Ian.
25:03How did that come up?
25:04I'm sorry.
25:05I didn't realize it was a big secret.
25:07You know, when you said
25:08it was true love with you
25:09and the plumber,
25:11I was a good guy.
25:12I stepped aside
25:13and now you're on to someone else.
25:14Big picture, Carl.
25:16His hand.
25:16Up our daughter's shirt.
25:18Don't change the subject.
25:20That is the subject.
25:21How serious is it
25:22with this Ian guy?
25:24I don't know.
25:25It's complicated.
25:26Yeah, he's kind of married.
25:29He's what?
25:30It's not what you think.
25:32Well, in her defense,
25:33his wife is in a coma.
25:36All right, that's it, all right?
25:38I forbid you to see this guy.
25:39What?
25:40No.
25:41I don't take orders from you.
25:43Mom has a point, Dad.
25:44You can't tell a woman
25:45who she can and can't date.
25:46It's her choice.
25:47Exactly.
25:48Wait, no.
25:49That does not apply to you.
25:50You know, if you don't care
25:51about my feelings,
25:53I don't know what I'm doing here.
25:54Your feelings?
25:55My God!
25:56You are the worst bad cop ever!
25:59Oh!
26:02Go to your room.
26:06Not you.
26:13Get back!
26:14You're under arrest!
26:15No, no!
26:16Oh!
26:17Hey, buddy,
26:18you've been reading comic books
26:19for a while.
26:20Don't you want to go and play?
26:22No.
26:23I want to stay with you.
26:24Yeah?
26:26Okay.
26:37Hey, Yard.
26:40Oh, hey.
26:41How are you?
26:41Good.
26:42Um, listen,
26:43as if saving my life
26:44wasn't enough,
26:45I have a little favor to ask.
26:47Sure.
26:47What's up?
26:48My kids are having a hard time.
26:50They were pretty freaked out
26:51by that whole supermarket thing.
26:53You're my hostage!
26:54Keep moving or I'll blow your face off!
26:57Okay, it's my turn!
26:58Give me the gun!
26:58Not so much them.
27:00Right.
27:01But my other son,
27:02Parker.
27:04So,
27:06back to the favor.
27:10Hey, Parker.
27:12I want you to meet
27:13our new neighbor,
27:15Art.
27:15He lives in the house
27:16across the street.
27:17His sister has the cool wheelchair
27:18with the joystick.
27:20Hey there, Parker.
27:21Hi.
27:26In the daytime,
27:28Art coaches swimming
27:29at the rec center,
27:30but,
27:32please,
27:33can I tell Parker,
27:34please?
27:35Compromise my secret identity?
27:36No way,
27:37Mrs. Scalvo.
27:38No way.
27:40Secret identity?
27:42Oh,
27:43great.
27:44Now the cat's out of the bag.
27:45Might as well tell him.
27:47It's okay.
27:48You can trust him.
27:50Really,
27:51Art
27:51is the one
27:52who saved me
27:53at the supermarket.
27:55He's sort of a
27:56superhero.
28:01Give me a break.
28:05It's true.
28:08All right.
28:09If you're a superhero,
28:11what's your name?
28:12I'm protector man
28:16because I protect people
28:18from bad guys.
28:24You don't believe me,
28:25do you?
28:27Okay.
28:29I really shouldn't do this,
28:33but...
28:34I really didn't do this,
28:36Did you really save my mom?
28:39I really did.
28:42He really did.
28:44That's why you don't have to worry.
28:46That's protector man's job.
28:48Your job is to run
28:50and play
28:50and have fun.
28:52Okay?
28:56Okay.
29:06Oh,
29:07my cousin went to Purdue.
29:22What the hell?
29:25Alfino.
29:27Nice to see you up in the box.
29:30Here's our search warrant.
29:32Search warrant?
29:33Where do you see that?
29:40How are we doing?
29:41We couldn't find a toolbox.
29:43The man's a plumber.
29:45Keep looking.
29:47Sir,
29:48I can't find a thing.
29:49You tired?
29:49Uh-huh.
29:57You.
29:57Come with me.
29:59Marcella,
30:00look,
30:00I don't know
30:01what they told you,
30:02but all I'm asking for
30:03is a simple costume change.
30:04You don't get to pull diva crap.
30:06Tanya gets away with it
30:06because she's a star.
30:08You are nothing.
30:09Where do you get off
30:10talking to me like that?
30:11I shot 36 covers
30:13by the time I was 20.
30:14Well, you're 30 now.
30:16When you make that face,
30:17you look 35.
30:21Too many photographers
30:22would die to work with me again.
30:23Yeah?
30:24Zero.
30:25I had to call in major favors
30:26just to get you this job.
30:27I don't believe that.
30:29Well, you know what I don't believe?
30:30You gave up a brilliant career
30:31to play house in the suburbs,
30:32and the minute it falls apart,
30:34you come back here
30:35expecting a homecoming parade.
30:37Well, guess what, sweetie?
30:38We've moved on.
30:40Now get your polyester ass
30:42over there
30:43and act like the pro
30:45you used to be.
30:52Beautiful, Tanya.
30:53That's a chin-up.
30:54Fantastic.
30:55Mother,
30:56hold the plate.
30:57Clear.
30:57Clear.
31:01Beautiful, Tanya.
31:02Oh, you are gorgeous.
31:04Yes, girl.
31:05Lovely, lovely.
31:09Hiya, Mike.
31:10Welcome home.
31:11You remember me?
31:12Yeah, I think so.
31:13The corner house
31:14with all the gnomes out front.
31:16You're thinking of Martha Hooper.
31:18Terrible story.
31:19Someone beat her to death
31:21and then buried her in the forest.
31:23Ironic, huh?
31:24Isn't that where gnomes live?
31:26I don't really know
31:27that much about gnomes.
31:28Anyway,
31:29I know the cops
31:30were here earlier.
31:31So?
31:32Well, you won't remember this,
31:34but one night,
31:35two years ago,
31:36you drove me to the hospital
31:37after I had an attack of angina.
31:39Probably saved my life.
31:41Anyway,
31:42I figure I owe you.
31:43Here.
31:45You might want to wash that wrench off.
31:47It's got something on it.
31:55Sorry I'm late.
31:56Mrs. Prescott broke a crown and...
32:00Orson,
32:01how well you look.
32:04Hello, Mother.
32:07A word, darling?
32:14I can't believe you did this.
32:17And I can't believe
32:18you told me that she was senile.
32:19You lied to me.
32:20Yes, Desperis,
32:21the misery of her company.
32:23You don't know her, Bree.
32:24She's a loathsome woman
32:25and I refuse to break bread with her.
32:27Now you listen to me.
32:28That woman gave you life
32:30and the Fifth Commandment
32:31tells us to honor our parents
32:32no matter how hideous
32:33or repellent they may be.
32:35That's not exactly what...
32:35Orson,
32:36it's implied.
32:38Now get out there
32:39and show her some respect.
32:41Fine,
32:41but if you expect anything more from me
32:43than forced civility,
32:44you will be deeply disappointed.
32:51Bree,
32:52the salmon is superb.
32:55It did win me the blue ribbon
32:57at the Gourmet County cook-off.
32:58I just love the sauce.
33:00What gives it that kick?
33:01Ah, ah, ah.
33:02You'd never ask a magician
33:03how a trick is done.
33:07It barely touched your salmon, dear.
33:10Is everything okay?
33:12Yes.
33:14I was just wondering
33:15why you're here.
33:18I want us to be friends.
33:20Okay.
33:22I suppose I just had
33:23a massive head injury
33:24and believe you,
33:25we're pals.
33:26Now what do you want?
33:27Orson,
33:27why does she have to have
33:28an ulterior motive?
33:33I want out of that home.
33:35Ah, there it is.
33:36It's a hell hole.
33:37Besides,
33:38I'm perfectly healthy now.
33:39My hip is better,
33:41I can handle the stairs,
33:42and you said,
33:43when I got strong enough,
33:44I get to go back to my house.
33:46Oh, here's the thing.
33:48I sold it.
33:50What?
33:52You heard me.
33:55What about my things?
33:57All gone.
33:58Oh, I also sold the car.
34:00See,
34:00that's the thing about hell holes.
34:01They don't pay for themselves.
34:03How dare you?
34:05You have no right.
34:07Okay.
34:08Maybe I will share
34:09my secret ingredient.
34:10I should have smothered you
34:12in your crib
34:13when I had the chance.
34:14Fabrica!
34:15There,
34:16it's out.
34:17That's the mother
34:18I remember.
34:19I was wondering
34:20when she'd show up.
34:22Yes, Orson.
34:24I am your mother.
34:26So you,
34:27more than anyone,
34:28should know
34:28how I deal with betrayal.
34:32Mm-hmm.
34:38So,
34:39can we call her grandma?
34:52I've got one more load
34:53and then I'm gonna do my homework.
34:55Do you have anything
34:56you want me to throw in?
34:57No, I'm good.
34:58Thanks.
35:04Mom, listen,
35:05I know I've put you
35:08through the ringer lately
35:09and I'm sorry.
35:12Sixteen years of being perfect.
35:14You were due.
35:16That's what I don't get.
35:18You've always trusted my judgment.
35:21Why can't you trust me
35:22about Austin?
35:26Relationships have nothing
35:27to do with good judgment.
35:29It doesn't matter
35:30how smart you are.
35:31You can still get hurt.
35:35You do your homework.
35:36I'm gonna finish the laundry.
35:39Okay.
35:56There you go,
35:57Mrs. H.
35:59All right.
36:03Come use your bathroom.
36:04Just come on in.
36:08Please.
36:09Stay for dessert.
36:11I'll work on Orson
36:12and we'll discuss this together.
36:13You saw what he sentenced me to.
36:15A room no better
36:16than a furnished coffin.
36:18I have nothing to say to him.
36:20Well, then talk to me.
36:21I know you're upset,
36:23but don't shut me out.
36:24Please.
36:25Please, Gloria.
36:27Let me in.
36:30Well, I didn't mean it literally,
36:32but okay.
36:34We'll, um,
36:35we'll sit together
36:36and we'll talk.
36:36What are you doing?
36:38I'm not going back to that place.
36:40Ah!
36:41Where are you, sir?
36:43Let's get my mother
36:44back to the home, shall we?
36:45Yeah.
36:46Not that it's any of my business,
36:47but is everything okay
36:48with you folks?
36:49Oh, yeah.
36:50There was a little tension earlier,
36:51but I think it's all been resolved.
36:53Oh.
36:59What the hell?
37:07No, I absolutely forbid it.
37:10Just for a few weeks
37:11till we find a place
37:12where she'll be happier.
37:13You should hurt her in the car.
37:15She's absolutely miserable
37:16in that nursing home.
37:18I don't care.
37:19My mother's not moving in here
37:20till she fits in a jar on the mantle.
37:22How can you be so cold?
37:25You don't know who she is.
37:27I've worked my entire life
37:29to get away from that woman.
37:30Why?
37:31What could she possibly have done
37:32to make you hate her so much?
37:36Look, there's nothing to be gained
37:37by dredging up the past.
37:39Arson,
37:40if there's something I should know,
37:43could I speak to my son a moment?
37:49Of course.
37:55So, you know,
37:57I've decided to accept
37:58your wife's kind invitation.
38:02I won't allow it.
38:03Oh, I think you will.
38:05We're going to end our quarrel
38:07right now.
38:09Or I'll tell your wife
38:10what it's about.
38:12You wouldn't.
38:14Just try me.
38:16I gave you life.
38:18You know I won't hesitate
38:20to take it away.
38:30Now give Mother a kiss.
38:33Why in the hell
38:34would I want to do that?
38:36To make it look real.
38:59Hey, you're back.
39:02I'd give you a hug,
39:02but I'm really sweaty.
39:03So how was New York?
39:05Oh, it was fine.
39:06Reese said you got a job
39:07on the first day.
39:07You're such a star.
39:08I want details.
39:09Oh, you know,
39:11just hours and hours
39:12of sitting around
39:13looking pretty.
39:15I think I'm done
39:16with modeling.
39:17So you're not
39:18going to move to New York?
39:19Well, if something
39:19great comes up,
39:21I might fly out,
39:22but I'm pretty settled here.
39:24Oh, thank God.
39:26We were all so worried
39:27we were losing you.
39:28Okay, now I'm hugging you.
39:33It's amazing.
39:34Your life is such an adventure.
39:35Can't wait to see
39:36what you do next.
39:38Yeah, me too.
39:47Okay.
39:52Huh.
39:56Mr. Protector Man?
39:57Shh, that's a secret.
39:59Hello?
40:01Hello?
40:02Hello?
40:13Hey, don't touch anything.
40:15I'm just going to write a note
40:17and then we'll go.
40:20Okay.
40:23Parker?
40:25Hey!
40:26Come back here.
40:29Parker!
40:29Honey?
40:30Come on, we're leaving.
40:33Parker?
40:35Parker, come on,
40:37we're leaving.
40:38Why didn't you come
40:39when I called?
40:46Superhero houses are great!
40:49I love you!
41:00I love you!
41:25Parker, come on, we're going to get out of here.
41:27Why?
41:28I just said so.
41:29Come on.
41:35There are so many things we wish we could tell the young.
41:42We'd like to persuade them not to grow up so fast, but they won't listen.
41:50We want to tell them that beauty fades, but they refuse to believe it.
41:59We warn them that their actions will have consequences, but still they defy us.
42:08Sadly, the young can't begin to understand the world is a dangerous place, so it's up
42:16to us to do anything we can to protect them.
42:21What if I told you there was a way that you could help children?
42:26Absolutely anything.
42:32What if I told you there was a way that you could help children?
42:57What if I told you there was a way that you could help children?
42:57What if I told you there was a way that we could help children?
43:14I said so.
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