Robby Hoffman, Hot Takes & Falling in Love

Call Her Daddy

Robby Hoffman, Hot Takes & Falling in Love The most-listened to podcast by women, Alex Cooper’s Call Her Daddy has been creating conversation since 2018. From deep, honest discussions to laugh-out-loud moments, Cooper cuts through the BS with exciting guests and bold topics. New episodes drop every Wednesday, with throwback episodes every Friday. Want more? Join the Daddy Gang @callherdaddy.  Call Her Daddy,Alex Cooper,Father Cooper,Daddy Gang,Call Her Daddy Podcast,relationships,dating,comedy,funny,Alexandra Cooper,call,her,daddy,chd,call her daddy pod,podcast,interviews,call,her,daddy,podcast,interview,unwell,unwell network  From red carpet moments to behind-the-scenes fun, we bring you daily entertainment with fast updates and trending Bollywood stories. If you’re a true Bollywood lover, this channel is made just for you ❤️🎥  👉 Subscribe now and stay Crazy 4 Bollywood!   #Crazy4Bollywood #BollywoodNews #BollywoodGossip #BollywoodUpdates #BollywoodShorts #BollyBuzz #HindiCinema #BollywoodFans  Bollywood news, Bollywood gossip, celebrity spotted, Bollywood shorts, Hindi cinema, Bollywood updates, movie news, Bollywood viral videos

Transcript

00:00:04what is up daddy gang it is your founding father alex cooper with call her daddy

00:00:13robbie hoffman welcome to call her daddy thanks for having me i'm so happy you're here thrilled

00:00:18i mean you are an emmy nominated actress and comedian in my opinion you're one of the funniest

00:00:24people in the industry right now thank you um how do you feel when people read your bio and like

00:00:32accolades to you do you like it uh i feel great when i hear about myself i'm extremely proud of

00:00:38myself um and i think it's probably something that comes from the self-raising of it all uh i don't

00:00:46know i i just feel like i think when you're when you don't know when your parents aren't that involved

00:00:53in the raising of you and you depend on yourself a lot for the co-work you know the raising

00:00:57i kind

00:00:59of look at myself and i go my god i'm really proud of you well done like it was you

00:01:03know so first of

00:01:04all not many people are reading my bio back to me but if they did and it's in a positive

00:01:09light i say

00:01:10thank you keep it coming like what am i gonna it's amazing i feel like um you can kind of

00:01:17tell a lot

00:01:17about a person by how they react when people sing them happy birthday oh right what are you doing

00:01:24what are you doing when people are like here we go happy birthday you know i get a lot of

00:01:29attention

00:01:30okay um nature of what i do i i i'm an entertainer i do stand-up comedy um i act

00:01:39and i write and

00:01:40i'm in the public and my relationship gets the attention so i do like and like things like that i'm

00:01:47i'm

00:01:47i'm happy to give other people the attention especially like weddings and like gab and i eloped

00:01:53we had a very small wedding but in my family i like partaking in their weddings and really

00:01:59celebrating them because it's like they have more quiet they are not as accoladed not for any reason

00:02:05it's just not what they do for instance my sister's a social worker she doesn't you know she's not like

00:02:10getting articles and you know so when she has a wedding i'm like thrilled to throw that on

00:02:16so the happy birthday i feel like i get enough that's why our wedding being small it's like

00:02:20we're gonna have the whole family fly out we get a ton of praise all the time and so where

00:02:26we can

00:02:26pull back we do if you had to say though what is the most attention whore thing you've ever done

00:02:35i mean i was like class clown i think i was always i didn't know how to uh

00:02:43i didn't know how to you know steer or finesse

00:02:50that energy you know i kind of wanted whatever attention i got in trouble a lot

00:02:57um you know i got kicked out of class and things like that and then now that i've harnessed it

00:03:03like i do have attention but it's in a very sophisticated harnessed way now versus it was

00:03:10free for all until i figured it all out yeah free for all whorish like it like like okay like

00:03:16whore

00:03:17yeah i gave tons of hand jobs is that what you're getting to call her daddy like in ninth grade

00:03:23like

00:03:23what do you mean whore okay yeah i i gave what i gave they were a couple of tugs it

00:03:29wasn't much

00:03:30um i didn't know about lube they were very dry and and i the customers seemed happy i never had

00:03:37a problem hand jobs are just never a good experience for anyone i mean no no i've given

00:03:43six blow jobs six i know it's a lot it's very generous six i've given six i like that number

00:03:51for

00:03:52you yeah yeah two guys six two guys yeah like one kind of four one two one i really tried

00:04:00again

00:04:00but i said you know what i'm really not in the mood i said i don't think so he had

00:04:04hair on the

00:04:04bottom of his shaft i just i i couldn't get it together well i never even went all the way

00:04:09down

00:04:09the shaft but i just i and he was like i'll get rid of it and i said just forget

00:04:14just forget it it was

00:04:16brutal yeah i can't imagine being down there in that moment you're just like

00:04:20contemplating your whole fucking life yeah is that the kind of whore you're asking about

00:04:23oddly no i i'm back to the again i'm getting i'm going through the blowjobs i'm going through

00:04:29class clown is a good answer okay you're you're hitting it hard so being a stand-up comedian

00:04:34at some point you're obviously going to interact with your audience right yeah what are some unhinged

00:04:41things that the crowd has ever said to you done to you this is going to sound insane what

00:04:50and i know that people have said this before i don't experience any of what you're about to ask

00:04:55the heckling or the this my audience is in it to win it with me i can't even tell you

00:05:01the vibe and

00:05:02the energy like they i maybe i don't come off approachable if they did say something to me i don't

00:05:10think they think it would go well but i don't invite that sort of back and forth um and my

00:05:16audience

00:05:16just comes to church so we're together we are in it together and i just don't experience

00:05:24that sort of thing and i know that sounds like whatever whatever but it's just literally i i can't

00:05:31believe the energy of my audience i mean that's incredible like people like i remember when it

00:05:36wasn't like my show like when i used to do just whatever shows around the city i remember i did

00:05:41a show

00:05:42in canada where some guy on a bachelor party like took his dick out or something but um there were

00:05:47things like that that happened in general audiences but i'm telling you when they come for me it's like

00:05:52we the sermon has begun the phones are out everybody is just they they've taken a deep breath and we're

00:06:01just together for an hour and a half literally take us home literally it feels that way um and i

00:06:09feel

00:06:10for people who deal with this sort of thing um but it's just never been uh it's and thank i

00:06:15keep it

00:06:15that way by the way keep it that way no keep it that way for sure but i yeah when

00:06:20you just said that

00:06:21earlier though like do you think there's also an intimidation thing yeah there's no way they'd win

00:06:26that oh right so i think it's like if somebody i mean if somebody sneezes in my eyes i say

00:06:32bless you

00:06:33you know like there's nothing i'm not gonna you know can we all say bless everyone's bless you

00:06:38you know you know like so it's like you know i i don't know um i'm not challenging anyone you

00:06:45know

00:06:45but if someone challenged you i would you know give them the attention though this person needs

00:06:49attention let's all i'm sorry you're sad what happened um and let's work through it together

00:06:55is there anything else you'd like to say and okay is that what you're like in an argument

00:07:01explain like if someone is arguing with you do you take the temperature down no make okay okay

00:07:08no okay i don't know i have never taken the temperature down unfortunately that's another

00:07:14thing that i don't uh really relate to but arguing is an interesting question to me because i i mean

00:07:21to

00:07:21me to complain is to enjoy to argue is to speak occasionally depending what culture i'm in and the

00:07:28cultures i've grown up in like you're going in at the dinner table yeah but so is everyone else i

00:07:34know there keep in mind i'm you know i have nine siblings who are a lot like me um i

00:07:40you know i'm

00:07:41friends with similar comedians and this sort of thing so we're all like that now if i went to a

00:07:47normie

00:07:47dinner you know i'm actually really pulled back at something like that i might still be the craziest

00:07:53person there but for me that is like you don't even know if i was just with comics or just

00:07:59with

00:07:59my family forget it we're all going and he said but she said okay so we're gonna see you know

00:08:06so we

00:08:07like an argument i like this yeah i'd love an argument bring it on oh i love an argument before

00:08:12you got into comedy yeah you were pursuing a career as an accountant correct you know that's a

00:08:19pretty big pivot comedian accountant what happened there what happened is is comedy really i really

00:08:28wouldn't wish this happening to anyone um but uh yeah i grew up again poor you know you're gonna

00:08:33my violin comes out my violin is only getting bigger i think being poor is just so criminal and it's

00:08:40so bad

00:08:40that i'm not over it like people want me to be over it i'm not over missing the bus 15

00:08:45minutes 15 years

00:08:46ago like i'm not over like people like ghetto i'm not over anything you know what i mean i'm not

00:08:53over

00:08:54spectrum going from 39.99 a month to 79.99 a month like and then you want me to get

00:08:59over my chat like

00:09:00there's things i'm just not over but not everybody my family went to school so when i got to go

00:09:04to

00:09:05school i was like what's the least amount of school for the most payoff and they were like you can

00:09:09get a

00:09:10job this summer in accounting or finance with an internship and that's exactly what i did

00:09:16i said say no more where do i sign up and i and i in you know and that's what

00:09:21i did i didn't

00:09:22and then when i started to have money every two weeks um direct deposit i considered miraculous and

00:09:33amazing um that's when i started really like to sleep for the first time and to really like

00:09:41i know people think i'm anxious now this is i'm actually quite calm this is you know i used to

00:09:46be

00:09:47far more anxious back then as an accountant okay then from there yeah you go to mcdonald's well back

00:09:54to mcdonald's teenage years yeah i always had jobs during school during all this these are simultaneous

00:09:59how would you describe yourself as an employee horrendous but joyful like we refused to work the

00:10:08back and flip the burgers i only wanted to work the till the cash but i was alex i was

00:10:16hitting them

00:10:16orders in it was crazy and so you know but we had a good time um yeah and and and

00:10:25like it's you know

00:10:25i really i was uh eating mcdonald's every day when i worked there and it was amazing were you ever

00:10:31employee of the month like no we did do well no no i was actually really good during lunch rush

00:10:36and stuff like

00:10:37that um maybe because of how i grew up i'm used to a rush so we i was very good

00:10:43and uh we did get pins

00:10:47yeah i got a pin the only reason i earned that pin actually is we randomly had a uniform spot

00:10:53check

00:10:54like our manager our floor manager decided to do this check maybe the owner was coming in i can't

00:10:59remember and so everybody had to lift their pants and um if you were wearing black socks which i happen

00:11:05to

00:11:05be wearing for no i doesn't even i don't even know but me and my friend were wearing black socks

00:11:13and you're not allowed to wear black socks no you had to be wearing black you had to be

00:11:17so we got the pin for hygiene or whatever it was why do black socks mean at the time it

00:11:23was part of

00:11:23our uniform mcdonald's famously changes their uniforms all the time um but we had we had like

00:11:29jean on friday you could wear jeans but don't you think that it would be white socks you can see

00:11:34what's going on black hides i have no clue we never even knew of this rule it's just maybe he

00:11:40had extra pins like to this day and there was no the pin didn't come with it i don't remember

00:11:46the pin

00:11:46other than we got the pin we were thrilled and we were killing it at work there's nothing to say

00:11:52wow okay so you were never like the personality hire you did the job both i was definitely a

00:11:58personality hire too yeah can you give me a little intel is there anything you've seen a little too

00:12:03close up that you're like maybe don't get that well you know i was at mcdonald's they had like fun

00:12:09like they were going through a sub phase oh like they had their own identity crisis let people like

00:12:16they were like trying to do subs at one point thank god those are gone um i hear the filet

00:12:22-o-fish

00:12:22is good um i don't go near it which is a lesbian is is shocking um but people who like

00:12:29it that is

00:12:30their go-to that's their go-to yeah that is their go-to okay all right i've never tried it

00:12:35maybe i'll

00:12:35try it maybe we'll try it i don't know is it true that in the early days of your career

00:12:41you got your script for comedy in front of network executives by impersonating couriers

00:12:46claiming that you have a delivery to make yes it was only one you know i wrote a script

00:12:52um when i discovered stand-up and this relates to your earlier question i was like

00:12:56and then i thought i could be good at it and i was now most people who see stand-up

00:13:02they think they

00:13:02can be good at it they can't i happen to be it's it's like nine out of ten times this

00:13:07is not going

00:13:07to be the case for you if you're watching this and i apologize but for me it was and it

00:13:11was like

00:13:12devastating because it's like now i have to pursue this thing i had a moral dilemma like i have the

00:13:16opportunity to make to have a good job like to make more than you know just as an accountant i

00:13:22was

00:13:22making thirty uh two thousand five hundred a year canadian my first year at 22 years old which was

00:13:28nobody was really even salaried right uh already making more than obviously my mother or whatever and

00:13:34then i'm gonna pursue the arts like the thing it just it was very difficult to think but i knew

00:13:42i

00:13:42was good at it and i were good because i was winning like i gave it six months i said

00:13:48if six months

00:13:48nothing is doing phenomenal kpmg gave me a laptop for keeps we are killing it like they couldn't be nicer

00:13:56to me um i wasn't the best auditor but i was invited on the on the audits that were you

00:14:04know

00:14:04out of state and stuff because just the travel i'm good on a plane let's have you know let's press

00:14:09play on the movie um but yeah it was a real moral moral dilemma uh moral dilemma for me like

00:14:20and and

00:14:21so that's why i gave myself that six months like if six months nothing's doing okay you have a great

00:14:26job you get paid every two weeks this is wonderful um and during that six months i was doing mics

00:14:31and

00:14:31stuff and competing i i did uh open mic competitions i was submitting to festivals and it was all i

00:14:38was

00:14:38getting approved so i there were benchmarks there were ways to know that you were good at it and trust

00:14:45me if i wasn't good at it i would have stopped i do not want to be traipsing around this

00:14:50scene

00:14:51like many that we see and there's no awareness and if you don't have self-awareness take it from others

00:14:58after a certain point you know there are comics who get up there and they say you know i've been

00:15:02bombing for six years and they they talk about it on podcast and they're bombing and but if you're

00:15:08bombing to that extent by the way it happens no okay but to that extent maybe maybe it isn't for

00:15:16you no worries you gotta go no worries but i could it could never be me you're too self-aware

00:15:22no and if i'm not i don't even trust that i thought i was good but i'm not going by

00:15:26me i'm

00:15:27then going to say okay i'm going to enter that competition i'm going to enter this i'm going to

00:15:31do that is every is everybody on my page right because i know that i i come with a certain

00:15:38amount

00:15:38of delusion i think i'm great for sure but i could be wrong i've been wrong a million times i'm

00:15:45wrong

00:15:45about so many things so this was no different i wasn't going to trust that i'm 100 right on this

00:15:51i felt a ping in my stomach that i probably have to do this i'm probably good at it but

00:15:56there was

00:15:56still a hope that i wasn't good at it and i wouldn't have to do it what do you think

00:16:00you are

00:16:00like percentage wise delusion to self-aware probably both split down the middle because

00:16:07delusion is free delusion and dreams like when people ask me what i dream like i don't put

00:16:11a limit on my dreams it's like it's free it's like taking soap from the hotel it's like just

00:16:17take it who cares you know you've already paid for it like dreams it's like i'm not charged to think

00:16:21of living on the beach so just if you want to live on the beach dream about that that's in

00:16:26the delusion

00:16:27thing the self-aware thing is on the critical thing it's kind of like um just reading about this

00:16:33the observing ego um my therapist was telling me that um and i go to her ad hoc and i

00:16:41don't want to

00:16:41hear it i dip in and i dip out and her big thing is that's okay to think that that's

00:16:46a that's a

00:16:47that's a thought it's a feeling you fear um it's not a fact and the other thing is there's something

00:16:54called your observing ego your observing ego looks at your ego and i could be getting this wrong but

00:16:59for the most part it's right let's try it okay um your observing ego is all about skeptic it's all

00:17:10like huh i hear that story that you think okay you took a blood test and it's going to come

00:17:16back

00:17:16you had your annual physical normal normal but you've worked this up into being that it's going

00:17:21to come back and you're whatever sure but you're observing goes i'm doubtful i don't know if i believe

00:17:27that i don't know if i believe that story and that's where the self-awareness comes self-awareness

00:17:33is almost like you're observing ego it's like okay you think you're good let's get some data in

00:17:40let's let's look at the let's look at this practically speaking and object as objectively

00:17:47as you can do you think you really let your mind wander with the medical oh yeah my husband

00:17:53i have had him lay next to you at night and he's like has a cough and he's like what

00:17:59if

00:17:59no it changes my whole what if it is cancer though literally how did we get from the sinus infection

00:18:06to cancer but i have to hold him in that space but also bring him back to reality like does

00:18:12gabby

00:18:12meet you there gabby was an icu nurse by the grace of god as if she couldn't get any better

00:18:23it's when i first met gabby when we were first dating like my stomach hurt like i slept over but

00:18:28i did shows that night i maybe didn't eat dinner and was gonna eat after but i just crawled into

00:18:34bed

00:18:34with her and i had a tummy she like literally sprung up to make me something like she was like

00:18:38oh there's

00:18:39like these oats that i've given to patients and it's like like she's so good with the medical like

00:18:44she's unreal with the medical how soon in did you start asking gabby for medical advice

00:18:51i mean i can't even remember to me to breathe as to i i don't even well you know i

00:18:57i i couldn't

00:18:58pinpoint i mean i'm pretty sure it's something i taught it's like the weather you know how i'm

00:19:05feeling you could be in the coffee line and you could turn to someone like do you think the symptom

00:19:09means no i know it's very scary it's terrifying no your husband should see an ent if he no if

00:19:16this

00:19:16i do want to say it seems if you guys have good insurance i mean by all means call her

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00:20:39slash l-u-x-e can we talk about men for a second of course in one of your sets

00:20:46you said that the

00:20:47makeup of any man is 95 the greatest guy in the world oh yeah and five percent jail all right

00:20:55can you

00:20:55elaborate on that breakdown well men have a very dark some of it is coming to light now um it's

00:21:03amazing

00:21:03how much of men's darkness is continues to come to light like it just continues continues it's like an

00:21:12onion right it's like we all have known but i guess now men are like you caught us but not

00:21:18really

00:21:19right like that was the harvey weinstein thing we're like we all knew now it's the pedophile thing and we're

00:21:24like all right this is like really fellas this is not you've got to get it together this is just

00:21:31unbecoming like this is just unwell right what you're is this punch yep oh have a little it's

00:21:40cold a little refresher watermelon that's excellent thank you of course um yeah so they started to

00:21:49kind of we started to be like yeah i don't know what the men are doing anymore i can barely

00:21:53keep up

00:21:54right but five percent it's you don't want to know i guarantee five percent of this man

00:22:02i don't want to know can you imagine if women were doing that shit it's crazy we would be in

00:22:07jail

00:22:08yeah i mean they're putting they're trying to put women in jail for emails i mean this is what's going

00:22:14on never mind right we're like you're with the children and we're sending emails every problem in

00:22:21the world and i'm not i have i love the fellas and my you know and and and i i'm

00:22:26with dudes a lot and

00:22:27i'm best friends with them you know when somebody says oh i'm friends with it well i'm friends with

00:22:31a jewish person or you know um i know gay people and i'm friends with them i know men and

00:22:36i am friends

00:22:37with some of them um but every massive problem is them it really is it's distilled down to men versus

00:22:47women at the end of the day war uh we would not have gone about with war a thousand years

00:22:54ago we're

00:22:54setting up society i'm not gonna be like you know what let me bash a bitch into the wall like

00:22:59we just

00:23:00don't think like that i'm like i'm gonna talk to her let's talk it through see how how long is

00:23:04she

00:23:04staying here how okay okay no problem so we won't but like like we would discuss communicate at first

00:23:13yeah so war is just not the way we would have gone about it we wouldn't have invented um you

00:23:19know

00:23:19the economy is run on the stock market which is astrology for men you know it's like it's just not

00:23:28the way we would have gone about money all of it's like we would have been like everybody gets 100k

00:23:33to start is that good okay so let's just all take 100 okay and we end at four let's all

00:23:40go home

00:23:40like like we would have set up every system the economy warfare politics it just would have been

00:23:47very different what do you think about women what is our makeup of jail to great women are more nuanced

00:23:53it's hard it's to me women are more case by case men i can apply more of a general they're

00:24:01they're more basically made so i can you know they're like a pill like that like like i can

00:24:08you know we we're more women are a lot more complex yeah okay let's unpack this further i'm

00:24:14going to give you a scenario yeah you're going to tell me if it qualifies as great or jail and

00:24:20we're

00:24:20like we're bringing this down to like normal life we're not talking now or after you have already

00:24:25have to pee i over because i'm having my tea go really okay but are you going to be able

00:24:29to

00:24:30continue as is oh well i'll sit right here will you run do you know where it is

00:24:36i don't think hey everyone intermission um i actually don't think anyone's ever

00:24:43left during an interview to pee i appreciate the directness most people would sit there

00:24:51and just hold it no no because you know what tell me i i consume a lot of water and

00:24:56tea

00:24:56i just saw the tea's gone okay you're you're already hitting the unwell and i won't do this

00:25:01on here and it makes gab sick i will squeeze that tea bag at the end it's one of the

00:25:08grossest things

00:25:09that i don't that is the five percent of the woman you know what that was exactly 95 normal and

00:25:14five

00:25:15percent she takes the end at the end of her tea and it's as gross i might say as pedophilia

00:25:21she takes

00:25:22the end of the tea bag some may say and she squeezes it squeeze it into her mouth or squeeze

00:25:27it back into the back in here and i finish the tea that's like backwash that's like the last driblets

00:25:34of like a the tea bag don't you fucking dare because it has the most tea in the bag i

00:25:41think

00:25:41it's the most potent of the flavor of the tea put it down put it the fuck down okay it's

00:25:49looking nasty

00:25:49now yeah no it's fine we can remove it now okay that's your jail ready game yeah you're gonna tell

00:25:55me if it's great okay or if it's jail okay they fuck with their socks on a guy or a

00:26:03girl yeah i think

00:26:04that's fine i think it's fine too i remember reading are you cold i mean i also grew up in

00:26:10canada like

00:26:11is it cold how's your heat you like to set the mood you want to make i fucked with all

00:26:17clothes

00:26:18like we're both like let's just the least amount that has to be shown is fine you know what i

00:26:23mean

00:26:23there's a reason there's a fly for some people i remember reading at one point that if you keep

00:26:30your socks on during sex you can have a better orgasm and this was back in the day when my

00:26:34boyfriend

00:26:35was just like not getting it done and so i tried it and i don't know if it was like

00:26:40a placebo effect

00:26:41you know but i kind of convinced myself like maybe we are having more progress and it's not

00:26:46like i'm now running to put the socks on to then have sex but if they're on sometimes i just

00:26:50won't

00:26:50take them off well it's also it's a nice thing like maybe you keep your extremities warm you know

00:26:56um we tend to clench we can let i think on a man i would probably prefer i don't want

00:27:01to see a man's

00:27:01feet such a good point yep i think a woman can go either way like if she wants to be

00:27:06cozy and cute

00:27:06in socks i'm not mad but a man please so i would say as somebody prefer uh i don't you

00:27:14know i don't

00:27:15even men who don't wear socks with shoes like if even if they're in a shoe and there's no sock

00:27:19i'm

00:27:20upset i don't want to see a grown man's ankle that i'm in no mood for the ankle on a

00:27:27man it's

00:27:29it is rare it's a good one it doesn't matter unless you're on a boat that is you're on a

00:27:37boat

00:27:37you're at the pool there's no reason for me to see your ankle you're at the airport in a flip

00:27:44-flop

00:27:45what do you think about that call the police that's that that that is just what do you think about

00:27:50shorts at the airport i i'm more fine with shorts but i don't love them would you ever wear shorts

00:27:56to

00:27:56the airport no i like to be cozy and i'm cold a lot what about bare feet on a plane

00:28:02it's unacceptable

00:28:03it's horrible what would you do if you were sitting next to someone with bare feet on a plane

00:28:08i i i would combust i i really thank god and i travel so often i've been near it but

00:28:17not quite

00:28:18directly next to it and i'm see i'm grateful once again you know i'm extremely grateful for the life

00:28:25i have including somehow dodging something like that you've been like a few rows away yes cut the

00:28:32glimpse oh yeah the shiver down the spine it's just so gross i i don't know it's really gross it's

00:28:39disgusting i did sit next to somebody once this man could only be described as homeless and i don't

00:28:47know if he was unhoused or not but i'm describing him that way to give you the idea and he

00:28:53had one

00:28:54singular tissue not a hanky not one and he blows he blew his nose so aggressively so many times

00:29:02into this like and i asked the flight attendant for a mask this is before covid before anything

00:29:09how i even thought to ask for a mask before covid i never you know what i mean i didn't

00:29:13even know

00:29:14like you're outside the hospital yeah and they didn't and i literally thought i would die of

00:29:19aids like i thought like that flight like i'm done for when you sit on the plane and you hear

00:29:27the

00:29:27person who are like oh and it is all the it's just the coughing the hacking you're like i am

00:29:34sitting

00:29:34in an incubator yeah i do feel that i'm a prisoner no that it's terrible that's it's i do feel

00:29:40that

00:29:40it's good to know um okay they sit on the couch in their outside clothes that's fine we're okay

00:29:47couch the bed no less so but it's fine occasionally is the comforter on comfort is there a cover let

00:29:55is there a little throw at the end do you know when you throw the throw how do you feel

00:30:01about the

00:30:01throw though in a hotel i get rid of it immediately get it the fuck away from me

00:30:09get it the fuck away from me no my husband has the same he's like put out the window

00:30:13yeah and here's the whole thing i've stated holiday and express not not to brag and i used to like

00:30:21sometimes the coverlet is the blanket at those hotels like there isn't a blanket under it's like

00:30:27just sheets or a very thin blanket like i've been frozen as can be before i i'm like i'll freeze

00:30:34to

00:30:34death i don't care the shit that's on there oh a decorative pillow in a hotel terrible okay they

00:30:43have a cat i have a cat how many one and i don't like other cats just because i have

00:30:49a cat so it

00:30:50depends the cat i'm also case by case just like humans i'm case by case with the animals i don't

00:30:55need an animal a dog to run and and and pounce on me i'm not in the mood to be

00:31:02assaulted by a dog

00:31:03today sometimes you go to somebody's house i was not in the mood to be jumped by a dog it

00:31:08used to

00:31:08be acceptable if somebody had such a dog to say could you put it in a room could you can't

00:31:13ask

00:31:13somebody to put the dog in the room now but by the way i'm a little afraid of dogs i

00:31:16don't want to

00:31:17really be harassed right now can you put the dog in the room like it's okay it's okay it's okay

00:31:21no

00:31:21it's not okay for me i don't want to be i once had somebody's dog they were like gnawing at

00:31:25my sock

00:31:26they're like oh he just wants your sock i'm like i want my sock look look i want my sock

00:31:32so i don't

00:31:34know so the dogs it depends the dog and it depends the cat i don't want your cat scratching my

00:31:38cat

00:31:39doesn't do such a thing my cat is the gentlest little cat that ever was i got her already at

00:31:44two years old and so she was she was fully grown and very gentle and i knew her but some

00:31:49people get

00:31:49a kitten and it grows up it's a menace and i'm i'm locking the door i'm afraid of the cat

00:31:54does your cat have a name numb no numb oh i said no i was like no her name is

00:31:59numb numb yeah okay

00:32:01they are allergic to gluten no it can't be done it can't be done is it real or they think

00:32:11they are

00:32:11like unless they come like i want to see the outbreak i want to pick up a roll we're having

00:32:18rolls tonight just a bag of rolls i don't care if it's the hawaiian roll whatever roll okay i don't

00:32:25care if it's a dinner roll butter it up and let's see is it hitch it better look like hitch

00:32:31it better

00:32:32look like will smith and hitch if it's not will smith blowing up and hitch i don't know it does

00:32:38feel

00:32:38kind of recent it's very recent it's very recent and you know i don't want it's just i gotta see

00:32:46everybody is suddenly celiac yeah like i don't think people in my parents generation

00:32:51like remember when we were kids probably everybody was allergic to peanuts i never hear that anymore

00:32:56because it's not cool anymore it's not cool anymore less and less people are allergic to peanuts

00:33:02people used to kids used to fucking pass out need an epi pen you were taught you gotta stab them

00:33:07i was

00:33:07ready i grew up ready to stab a bitch who was freaking out with a peanut that's a good point

00:33:13the epi pen was

00:33:14killer and they said you and i said i'll believe me i'll do it i remember like could i do

00:33:21it i

00:33:21remember really like you know and they're like in third because we had somebody in our class allergic

00:33:24take the epi and i said teacher i will do it but no one was allergic to gluten in our

00:33:29classes no

00:33:30and now i don't see the peanut allergy too much yeah comment down below if you've got a peanut allergy

00:33:35and comment down below if you have a gluten allergy they had by the way they're coming for us and

00:33:41fine i believe you i'm also we don't care but we're also curious we're curious is it a gluten

00:33:48in time you know when they ask you at a restaurant like hey like gab and i like to go

00:33:52to sugarfish

00:33:52in order to trust me we're like we should trust me but instead of the crab can we do the

00:33:56sound

00:33:57and they go is it allergy or is it a preference it's like that's what i want to know with

00:34:01these

00:34:01people is it an allergy or a preference okay their go-to grocery store is air one

00:34:11i mean i i'm sorry to say this is people are not gonna like gabby orders from air one more

00:34:18than

00:34:19more than i i would like now when gabby is on a trip i i can't imagine it okay um

00:34:27and also it's a

00:34:28very annoying grocery store to shop in because they don't label any of their aisles like they make you

00:34:34want to go through the aisles and i'm like i'm not here like explore the grocery store like what's in

00:34:40the aisles like i'm looking for so and the only time i go is if gabby's coming back from a

00:34:45trip i

00:34:45will buy her her treats from uh from air one i'll pick up a bag i'll get her like flowers

00:34:51and i'll get

00:34:51her like you know that she likes these mush uh oatmeal and different things that they sell there

00:34:57so i will get her the stuff that she likes just to make sure that there's a couple things that

00:35:01she

00:35:01really likes okay someone that has their phone background is a photo of themself that's terrible

00:35:07so weird so very weird i agree people who have dabbled with djing it's a horrible criminal

00:35:18dj can i add something alex permission of course permission to elaborate of course photography

00:35:26fellas you got a nice camera you got a couple you got a record player like how much is you

00:35:34and

00:35:34how much is the is the thing right like the camera photography i'm not sure it's very hard to

00:35:41especially at the amateur level and the dj at the amateur level it's very hard to know

00:35:46what are the tables doing and what are you doing what are the songs themselves doing you drop hot in

00:35:52here we're on okay i don't know if to give you the credit what did you do we're back to

00:35:59nelly

00:35:59but is it nelly on here yeah yeah it's nelly it's not right look i don't know photography was it

00:36:07was

00:36:07it the leica or was it you i don't know it's such a good point and the photography i remember

00:36:14being on

00:36:14dating apps and being like if he was a model or a photographer it was just a it was a

00:36:20quick it was a

00:36:22quick easy decision oh a model a model for a man i mean there's certain this is where i get

00:36:29in

00:36:29trouble sometimes because i can be uh traditional even though i live an untraditional life to some

00:36:35extent i had a task rabbit once come over i bought you know the cheaper the thing at ikea the

00:36:44more of

00:36:44your life they take right like so it's like yeah the shelf's really cheap because there's 97 different

00:36:50screws that you're gonna spend the next two days doing right so it's like that's what you pay for

00:36:55so and so i would you know i'm i'm no stranger to ordering the cheapest possible things moving to a

00:37:00new apartment not anymore by the grace of god and all of you thank you um and so i was

00:37:06just moving to

00:37:07la maybe a new apartment and i called a tass rabbit it's maybe six seven years ago and another

00:37:15lesbian shows another dyke shows up i go a girl no i i need my handyman excuse me i if

00:37:24i could do i

00:37:25would have done it now we're both i'm on the floor with this bitch doing it send me i need

00:37:32a guy to come

00:37:33over here like i'm looking for like an old italian or mexican dude to come in here and do what

00:37:39the hell

00:37:40he does you got on the floor with her why because she was she was like oh i know that

00:37:45was my problem

00:37:46all right let's see if we can figure out it's like no the tass rabbit's gotta be a dude okay

00:37:52and and

00:37:53the model has gotta be a girl i don't wanna you're a male model yeah okay okay so men who

00:37:59are so into

00:38:00fashion and know what kind of jeans a woman's wearing that really just be gay like women don't

00:38:06like literally save women's time like i hear these stories all the time where i'm like

00:38:10that sounds gay and i have a theory about gay and again and i don't it's only a theory yeah

00:38:15talk to

00:38:16me okay we are we are hypothesizing still but i do think that everybody who you think is gay

00:38:22is gay and then on top of that there's a million more people you wouldn't even know who are gay

00:38:28who

00:38:28are gay so if you think a dude's gay that's all you need 100 factually gay because then on top

00:38:35of

00:38:35that there's the whole download the people you don't know who are gay so that yeah a really

00:38:41interesting because i i feel like i've seen you said something about um like everyone has a little

00:38:47gay in them right the fellas the fellas yeah but they're scared of it like girls want a little gay

00:38:53in them even if they don't have a little gay in them they're like kind of hold my hand like

00:38:57girls

00:38:57on a beach will like be like ah let's like pose like this like you know they're not shy of

00:39:02being a

00:39:02little gay they like have fun with it they like like flirting or or whatever but fellas are like

00:39:09so afraid of it that if they just were like yeah you know like yeah or you know like terrified

00:39:13yeah

00:39:14they're like terrified of it because they've hurt each other doing it like the thing is is they used

00:39:19to bash each other's head in if they actually were they've scared each other again goes back to men

00:39:23being the problem they're also a problem to themselves right like embrace yourself yeah

00:39:27like they've gay bash themselves dude on dude violence is massive call her daddy is brought to

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00:40:44de janeiro.com when you were a teenager you said you made sure you earned your stay in your friend

00:40:51group by bringing the tea right and getting your friends some dick yeah what what were you up to

00:40:58what was your well you know i was naturally born i had a good figure i'm low-key pretty i

00:41:04have a

00:41:04prettiness to me you know my brother always asked he's like why are you starting to look like joe

00:41:08pesci like he's like you know like my family thinks like somebody says like you know we you were you

00:41:14you know you could be pretty like you know like they think like i don't know like he thinks like

00:41:19i

00:41:19have an insecurity or whatever like i dress so like you know you could be wearing like my sister

00:41:24used to like if we were window shopping she'd be like oh with your figure i'd wear that dress and

00:41:28it's like they can't imagine that i choose to dress like they think it's like must be

00:41:32something but in high school when i wasn't in tune to what i just was like oh yeah like

00:41:39you know in high school we wanted jobs boyfriends like you know it was romeo michelle let's go

00:41:47so my friends had you know like let's say my friend's father would take us somewhere like

00:41:52my mom didn't drive right or like i never had any money and uh maybe my friends would they got

00:41:59allowance i once asked my grandfather for allowance and he walked me to the fridge he's like you want

00:42:04allowance wow what do you think this is all the food in the fridge and i'm like copy that thank

00:42:11you

00:42:11grandpa um but yeah so i would i think it's it's like being you know being blind and maybe your

00:42:21other

00:42:21senses pick up the slack um i didn't have a lot monetarily to contribute um in the summers i wasn't

00:42:29the house that had a pool that knew somebody who had a pool you know but i could i could

00:42:36get us to

00:42:36the front of the line if i needed to i could you know like i could get us get us

00:42:43drinks right she's

00:42:45paying the uber why should we be no girls i always knew girls don't pay for drinks at bars i

00:42:50looked good

00:42:51i put on whatever tight i had to be i had a good time and i would just walk up

00:42:55to whatever you know

00:42:56they used to have guys roped off at clubs and stuff i'd say what are we drinking fellas before

00:43:01we knew it we're like five girls we're sitting there we're drinking you know the orange juice

00:43:05and the cranberry juice are there the bottle service i'm like pouring all of them and then

00:43:09we would leave those guys we never put out we never anything we just actually call them fellas

00:43:13back then no i would say hey guys what do we you know like we were always and we were

00:43:18always it's

00:43:19so funny looking back we were always like amazed like let's say we like we were like five like

00:43:28skinny bitches like 20 years old short skirts heels the whole bit in the freezing cold

00:43:34you know no not even paying for coat checks so running from running from the car to the club

00:43:39trying to get in please sir we're cold and we can't believe he lets us in okay meanwhile we're

00:43:44like five 20 year old girls like of course that's who's getting and we can't believe we got the

00:43:50feature did you believe these guys gave us they're crammed it's so the only reason they got the the

00:43:54the the bottle was for this to happen to them dude it's isn't it so terrifying when you look at

00:44:00it you're like oh my god how stupid and easy men are when it's like it's all it took was

00:44:07me to wear

00:44:07that chop are you fucking kidding me but they had to spend some money i do remember thinking

00:44:16i well i do remember because i remember my brothers having to go out and i helped my brothers

00:44:22with their plenty of fish profiles and online dating back then and one of my brothers was colorblind

00:44:26this shirt this shirt my brother was so cute but um they didn't have money and i always felt like

00:44:33what really sung me because i always had a great date for any amount what was a movie and when

00:44:40movies

00:44:40became unaffordable i said that is it if my brother cannot even take a girl to a movie what are

00:44:46we doing

00:44:47what chance does he have what chance and he's only like 18 like he's trying to order he's working at

00:44:53fedex like well if he can't take a bitch to a movie like he's not i've been out to these

00:44:57clubs

00:44:58what is he gonna do he's stuck it's horrible because these fellas had to have like that bottle

00:45:03was like 500 i don't know what it was the bottle service is fucking crazy and they did it so

00:45:08you know

00:45:08there was they were doing their thing however they got their money maybe they were flipping cell phones

00:45:13i don't know what they were doing or coming from it in many cases the ones not coming from it

00:45:18who got

00:45:18it i'm not looking at your account your taxes i don't care what you don't care you did what you

00:45:24had to do and you did what you had to do and you got yeah and i did what i

00:45:28had to do okay you have a

00:45:29theory oh in every relationship you need one hot person oh yeah and one smart person how did this

00:45:36idea come to be it's just always been the case i i can't tell that ideas and it's not 100

00:45:43for the

00:45:44you need the right ratio there's a relationship ratio that that's what we're talking about we're

00:45:49talking about the two sides of the ratio okay for those of you didn't you know math is you know

00:45:55the

00:45:56two colon the colon is the ratio and you're quitting both sides one side's got to be hot you need

00:46:02an

00:46:02attraction something hot is different to people but also it's you know and then there's uh smart

00:46:10those are the two things for the relationship that's a scale so if you're bringing mostly smart

00:46:16you gotta look for mostly hot if you're bringing 50 smart and 50 hot you need a 50 52 what

00:46:25if the

00:46:25balance is off and you have two hot people or two smart people look at two hot people it's a

00:46:32disaster

00:46:32hollywood j-lo and ben it doesn't matter how many times they try they're missing an entire circle

00:46:39right they have two hot and i'm not saying and they're lovely but they're missing and it's a

00:46:45too smart that's two uggos that's a hazard on the road no and nothing wrong but that's just what it

00:46:52is

00:46:52we've seen the couples but you need something driving the other stuff you need a good mix of both

00:46:59but what's more lethal or what's more like oh this is gonna go down in flames hot hot smart smart

00:47:07down in flames i think is hot hot what happens with two hot people or two um smart people they're

00:47:13just you're literally just walking around like i goes yeah happens but is that by the way by the way

00:47:22okay but at least they can work you know but but what happens is you know sometimes

00:47:26you know you get uh you know then then then then you know they either go outside or whatever if

00:47:34the

00:47:34hot doesn't pick up right like maybe one of the uggos sees a hottie i mean she's gonna kill me

00:47:39for

00:47:39saying this emily what emily are you trying to talk to your team yeah they can't talk to you back

00:47:49in

00:47:49here so basically it's a general ratio you want to make sure you have it okay um gabby you know

00:47:56and and and the ratios don't even make sense gabby i think brings 90 of the hotness um and i

00:48:02can feel

00:48:02confident going anywhere with her whether it's a grocery store whether it's a carpet whatever it

00:48:06is because i'm like with gab nobody's even looking at me who cares okay um but i think i'm a

00:48:12cutie so

00:48:12i bring 10 so we have our 100 hot and on the smart people forget gabby was a nurse so

00:48:17she's

00:48:19practically a fucking doctor in this country she's an icu nurse so we split the smart 50 50 we have

00:48:25our

00:48:25circle there just fill the circles however you can get to your fill do it you got to do it

00:48:31yeah i

00:48:31think that's a really great point i i do think people need to be a little bit more self-aware

00:48:35and it also depends what type of like time you're in your life right and sometimes in college you're

00:48:39like i just want a hot guy i want a hot girl and you're just going for the hot and

00:48:43you actually like

00:48:44i don't want you to be fucking smart because i don't want to end up with you i just want

00:48:47to have fun

00:48:48and you might be smart right that's a lethal con you want to know lethal somebody like you or gab

00:48:56they're hot and they're smart gab i always tell you she doesn't have to be hot that she doesn't have

00:49:00to be hot or smart for as hot and smart as she is you don't have to be hot you

00:49:05don't have to be as

00:49:06smart as you are for as hot as you are you could have leaned on one that is the lethal

00:49:10combo

00:49:10is that sometimes they're hot like gab and they're brilliant too what fucking chance do you have

00:49:17what chance do you have but does that mean that then they have they could get with someone that

00:49:23can bring less to the table because they're bringing more it does or does that build resentment no but

00:49:28that means that you if you want just some guy in college what do you care you're carrying a lot

00:49:33of

00:49:33the circles all right carrying it yeah you you have a big contribution to your your your right

00:49:38your fill is is is there you need less of it maybe you're doing 90 hot like gab and 90

00:49:45smart and you

00:49:46just knew you're looking for 10 on either oh what a life a guy walking around with 20 that checks

00:49:51out

00:49:51most of them are and that's generous yeah um you had a live call-in show once where you gave

00:49:58advice

00:49:58called the robbie hoffman consulting group what do you think during covid qualified to you to give people

00:50:06advice well i mean i have an undergraduate degree from uh mcgill university and accounting thank you

00:50:13very much i think i'm qualified on all areas of relationship of of of psychology of finance of

00:50:21fashion due to my credentials right there what are some of the weirdest calls you ever got

00:50:28no we got a lot of calls you know um uh this is so boring we went through people's resumes

00:50:34i like to

00:50:35spruce up a resume um you know things like that we really i don't know we got tons none i

00:50:44don't know

00:50:44what weird is i can't even qualify as something being weird like somebody could ask me anything and

00:50:48i'm like oh yeah that's a fair question what's so i don't know what celebrity would you call for

00:50:53advice a celebrity well they're calling you and what would it take for you to call in i wouldn't

00:51:00call us i want like you know the the the the neurologist at cedar sinai that's somebody i would

00:51:07call you know i don't think a celebrity yeah yeah yeah yeah i i don't think a celebrity i'm going

00:51:12to

00:51:12for advice but to me celebrities are because my mother always had a reverence for doctors and we went

00:51:18once a year for a checkup and i remember at one point and if we weren't going to school i

00:51:23don't

00:51:23think we would have had these checkups so thank god for the schools the school system but i remember

00:51:28me and my brothers sitting on the what is that bench called at the doctors oh i know what you

00:51:33mean

00:51:34what is the the well you know you know with the paper on it it's like the it's like the

00:51:42table

00:51:43the table the gurney it's almost a gurney it's kind of creepy okay so anyway we're all on

00:51:48there we're all in our underwear you know i'm maybe like eight nine ten and like right we're

00:51:53all a year apart and we're all in our underwear me and three of my brothers okay we're freezing

00:51:56we're sitting he's doing the knee thing we're having fun okay he weighs us all and he's going

00:52:00down my mother's there like you know nervous like she's brought four of her kids in for this

00:52:04appointment and he does our checkup and he's going through it and he's like yeah your brother

00:52:08looks really healthy this one over here uh the oldest he's looking great um perfectly you know

00:52:14the other one uh we'd love if he was finishing his plate my brother who was like a little

00:52:17nothing crazy but just make sure he's finishing everything on his plate he's in a little lower

00:52:22of a percentile we'd love to see him just a little meteor next year nothing nothing crazy uh me you

00:52:28know uh rifka robbie she she looks uh healthy fine okay okay he gets finished with all of us and

00:52:34he

00:52:34goes okay kids have a great year at school see you next year he leaves the room for us right

00:52:39right my mother's like get dressed get dressed get you we're like pulling our we're getting dressed

00:52:44okay she's pulling my brother's pants she's like you don't weigh enough embarrassing me in front of

00:52:50the doctor because my mother all she did was cooked and you know threw food on the table right and

00:52:54he's

00:52:55just a small we were all so he's still small to the say you know what i mean he's just

00:52:59a skinny guy

00:52:59right and but my mother she was so embarrassed like it looked upon her that she wasn't feeding her

00:53:05kids because he's and he doesn't you don't weigh enough he's eight years old he has no

00:53:09clue what do you what does he have anything to do with what he weighs at that age it's like

00:53:13a full

00:53:14form of self-examination for her in that moment she's like how they looking yeah really it's like

00:53:18a reflection on her yeah she's taking it like so then she implemented the piece system where you

00:53:23finish to you know two more pieces or whatever doing all that and i'm like i already had my two

00:53:28more pieces i'm good you said two more pieces last time i am done with pieces for this i love

00:53:33that you

00:53:33all went in together she would do as many as she could yeah yeah four and then four yeah because

00:53:38it was

00:53:38just like an annual checkup like are the kids do they have their shots or whatever they were

00:53:42always kind of a little intimidating it was sitting there in her underwear i was like cold he's some

00:53:47pedophile obviously that he's chosen to do this did i have to be stripped down to my underwear not

00:53:53thinking about it that may have been a unique experience it may have been my mother being like

00:53:56everybody get okay you know he's the doctor's coming in to examine like she had us ready like she

00:54:02didn't waste a doctor's time and the doctor was like i didn't need you to be naked to this day

00:54:06like i i like to get on the phone with a great lawyer or a doctor or a scientist having

00:54:12one of

00:54:12them on speed dial a lawyer on speed dial a doctor on speed dial there's there's nothing like it there's

00:54:18nothing um okay in one of the episode descriptions you said we are now helping those most in need

00:54:25predominantly non-lesbians what did i say that yeah that was in one of your that was in one of

00:54:30your

00:54:30episode descriptions for your advice oh for advice yes because i no no no because what happened was

00:54:36people thought it was only lesbians to call in and you're like lesbians were flooding the lines and

00:54:41it's like no like the fellas need a lot of help here you see how they're walking around they're

00:54:46they're in many wars they're they're they're investing in in crypto at you know they're and

00:54:53you know so get them on the line so i think that was a clarification what what is some straight

00:54:59people shit you just like cannot get behind a lot okay a lot of straight men claim that going down

00:55:05on a woman is so difficult because it's hard to find the clit oh okay yeah like dj khaled is

00:55:12gay

00:55:12yeah no that's what i think i think if you're bragging about not going down on a woman it's like

00:55:17bro just come out like there's no other way to come out like it's not giving what you think it's

00:55:22giving

00:55:24fellas it's like bizarre it's like just be gay like again leave women alone like why this whole

00:55:31song and dance like they like gay men like just be gay be friends like they'd be thrilled for you

00:55:37like don't drag them on this thing and your weird thing yeah no i think a man not going down

00:55:43on one

00:55:43which by the way going down on some women is great some others it's not i'm sure it's like

00:55:48hooking up with men i've had i've had great you know thank god i married gabby is all i can

00:55:52say

00:55:52thank god i married gabby but you know so it find your girl you know but i think bragging about

00:55:59not

00:55:59going it's like okay like i don't know where to go from that like just literally be gay so weird

00:56:05give us your advice ready if someone's like how do i approach someone in the wild what do i do

00:56:12it depends on the circumstance okay who's approaching who a young woman

00:56:22in her early 20s to a man is going up to a man no never do not do that you

00:56:29don't need to be doing

00:56:30that a man in a man 30s is going up to a woman in her 30s where are they are

00:56:36they in a place they're

00:56:37at a luxury bar okay they're at a bar they're at a place of approach um

00:56:48i don't know i think just keep it simple can i buy you a drink listen i don't want to

00:56:52beat around

00:56:52the bush can i get you a drink i've been looking at you no worries either way okay have a

00:56:57great

00:56:57evening she says no walk away nice so she says i'm okay thank you say have a terrific evening i

00:57:03like

00:57:03the no worries either way like don't put too much pressure yeah hey was just wondering you know

00:57:08it's like gabby when i met her the first time and i was like listen i don't want to beat

00:57:11around the

00:57:12bush but i gotta get your number love you know did she give it to you well her friend who

00:57:19was a fan

00:57:19of mine that's how like her friend spotted me and i was like thank god that was very new for

00:57:23me for

00:57:24spotting to be happening she was with gab and she said i'll give you the number i'll give you the

00:57:28number because she was a fan of mine and i said no i'm not getting from you i'm getting it

00:57:31from the

00:57:31source and i'm testing it tonight wait how did you guys meet we met outside of uh we were uh

00:57:40there

00:57:41was like a a little like event happening at a bar space okay yeah and i was late to it

00:57:46because i work

00:57:46nights and um i got there to meet up with a friend and we were all on our way out

00:57:51and i got spotted by

00:57:53by well another lesbian who kind of looked like me like one of the more boyish ones even more boyish

00:57:59than

00:57:59me so at this point i thought well let's get out of here this is really this is not the

00:58:04night i'm

00:58:04like i'm not gay like that you know somebody like that is looking at me i'm like oh no no

00:58:08no i'm not

00:58:09one of those i'm not that gay you know like i don't feel gay with gabby because i'm like okay

00:58:13one's

00:58:14like kind of doing the boy weird thing and one's a girl like we kind of have a hetero like

00:58:18heteronormative

00:58:20lifestyle the only gay thing about me is that i'm gay but other than that i'm not even gay but

00:58:25if

00:58:25another lesbian like me like or even butchier than me with the buzz cut and the whole hit on me

00:58:30i'd be like what are you fucking gay like that to me is so gay and it happens it'd be

00:58:35too much for

00:58:35you that's too gay you have a very specific type that you're going for yeah just that no i it's

00:58:39not

00:58:40even yeah like you know gab and i make sense to me so that person was and i was like

00:58:44and they were

00:58:44like no no i love they were like oh no i'm not gay like that they were like i love

00:58:47your comedy i'm

00:58:48like oh thank god thank you so much i'm happy it's relating you know but then i was like okay

00:58:54never mind you who are you with and it was gabby and you know one of these things doesn't belong

00:59:00you

00:59:00know kind of a dive you know lesbian events or not um let's just say we're not gay men you

00:59:07know the

00:59:07event space isn't isn't you know the flowers weren't picked up that day and all all the stuff that gay

00:59:13men maybe do but um we could use more at our places but uh gab was there and i was

00:59:19like well

00:59:19well who's this and they were like oh yeah that's gabby the bachelor i was like the bachelor's gay

00:59:24but i don't know what the bachelor's doing maybe they are gay now and some of them are you know

00:59:29i

00:59:29then heard one was gay i mean he tricked all these women again just be gay even though people would

00:59:36argue

00:59:36that gab did that but bisexuality and women is a lot more like they're more open with it

00:59:43um i just think it's not as shameful men have like shamed each other into like not even being

00:59:48able to be their five percent gay which is a minimum um maybe for them but yeah so i just

00:59:55i wasn't sure that was the bachelor's gay okay i've missed out on so long of the bat you know

01:00:00and um and they were like oh no no uh you know uh she's uh she's she's just exploring and

01:00:09i'm like

01:00:09what is she dora the explorer i was like 28 years old exploring i said i don't think so

01:00:16you know and um i got right to it i got right to it i was like uh okay uh

01:00:25well do you do i forget

01:00:27what i asked her but then the second question or something i asked her was like do you come for

01:00:30money and she was like and i was like say no more i knew she didn't you know because people

01:00:36come for

01:00:37money nothing wrong but i can't date them um they say we were comfortable or something right

01:00:43wait why couldn't you date someone with money to me it's like dating outside of the faith

01:00:47like i don't you know for me religion isn't the the thing that it's like the day-to-day like

01:00:54people

01:00:54who grew up with money versus people who didn't it's an entire different it's it's day in and day out

01:01:00it's every small thing you know i joke about it but grocery you know grocery shopping changes

01:01:06everything changes if i'm not in the mood whether i have the money or not to spend

01:01:109.99 on raspberries from an air one i'm not in the mood i don't care if the money is

01:01:15there i cannot

01:01:16and she moves we understand that language we're like that is criminal we keep it moving we keep

01:01:22it moving right with somebody who grew up differently than that those are those are too many

01:01:26we're not speaking the same language gab and i speak the same language and that's i want somebody

01:01:30who's doing well now by the grace of god um and we both get it we both have our own

01:01:35we don't want to

01:01:36spend that we know it's we don't want to we don't want to so i asked her that and she

01:01:40said no you know

01:01:41military like and i said military for sure no money that's wonderful they we don't receive no and her

01:01:47father is you know her family is amazing and uh thank you for thank you for your service for her

01:01:52entire family but military family and um i just love that i love the grit of of how she grew

01:01:58up and

01:01:58being a nurse and i just there was so many things that lined up you know we spoke the same

01:02:03language

01:02:03like on paper we don't look people like what an odd couple but it's like the compatibility is through

01:02:09the roof did even though you were first told like oh she's just exploring right you were right now

01:02:15just like oh my god no not interested then you started talking to her did you kind of know

01:02:20immediately what do you mean they're not interested like you said like oh when you're

01:02:24someone when the person told you like oh she's exploring you're like no what is she dora the

01:02:28explorer like no no no way like i'm not interested in no i didn't say i'm not interested i said

01:02:32she's

01:02:32just she already knows oh okay okay she's made it to the dyke bar or the dyke event this just

01:02:38this

01:02:39is not dora the explorer on an assignment she's not anderson cooper in the war zone reporting back

01:02:44no no no she this is yeah i she was a little reaching your late 20s when you're 30 i

01:02:52think

01:02:52no you're 16 and you're exploring go ahead but do not come to me you know you knew she was

01:02:59ready

01:02:59certain age and tell me you're exploring so you knew if you got in there you're like no no she's

01:03:05ready oh yeah i mean she just explored she had 25 boyfriends you know so that didn't you know so

01:03:12she's here you know she did her last ditch hurrah and i got the final rose it's unbelievable

01:03:19how did you and gabby kind of navigate those early days in your relationship with like the fame of

01:03:26the bachelor and people looking at you guys like how did that go i honestly and again i hate saying

01:03:33this it could not have gone better i really am living one of the greatest lives i've heard about

01:03:37and it happens to be mine and i and i'm like thrilled with it like i really thought the worst

01:03:43case scenario but my observing ego was like maybe it'll work out somehow i'm like no this is gonna

01:03:48go like i told her not to come out i said this is not gonna be good for bachelor nation

01:03:53they don't

01:03:53want you to be gay the fellows are gonna go crazy right and and then i don't need this mob

01:03:59bachelor nation has embraced me i love you everyone is just tremendous to me and to gab so it went

01:04:06really well but i told her i thought she doesn't have to come out people were starting to see us

01:04:11um i don't love living in secret but i also was fine to do it because i'm like oh she's

01:04:15a lot more

01:04:16public and that you know her dating life is specifically public i'm public with my work

01:04:20you know uh but nobody's really you know so it was a new sensitivity or another you know um

01:04:28and so i told her not to come out because i said they're gonna blame me they're gonna look at

01:04:31us

01:04:31and say whose fault is this so obviously this you know they're gonna blame me and then they're

01:04:36gonna find out like you know jewish it's like we don't need like forget it it's all gonna come down

01:04:42to me i was in no mood i said this is a miracle that we even met and that we

01:04:47get to enjoy um but uh

01:04:49but actually it went amazing and people have been again it's like i hate to say it but people have

01:04:56been so good to us who said i love you first me of course did she say it back right

01:05:01away or no

01:05:02yeah but then she stopped saying it for a minute so here's what happened what'd you do this is the

01:05:08gayest thing about me because i have dated before but i'm very i've been slow i never really lived with

01:05:12anyone i took five years to like maybe you know with gab i was like 13 days in like sat

01:05:19her down

01:05:20and i'm like i just gotta like i i gotta be up front i am falling in love with you

01:05:27because she

01:05:28was like what is this and i'm like this is love like what are we she's like what is this

01:05:34and i don't

01:05:35know and i'm like it's love it's what it is and i need so that's what's going on and we

01:05:41need to

01:05:42confront that you know and uh so i asked her to be my girlfriend and then you know it was

01:05:47very

01:05:48elementary very sweet very cute um very lesbian which yeah but you know what it's never too late

01:05:55to be a lesbian for the first time i was acting as fast as they say we were um and

01:06:00then yeah i was

01:06:01feeling fast for her so we we pulled back but she was also not trusting like in the beginning like

01:06:08gabby you know and in a healthy relationship or good relationship ideally you work through your stuff

01:06:13with the person like you realize why you are the way you are and you don't you know what i

01:06:17mean and

01:06:18it all comes out so she was having that experience of like you know i guess i didn't trust that

01:06:23you

01:06:23know one of her parents would be home when they should be home or they said something to her and

01:06:28it didn't happen you know she wasn't able to trust it but as we committed more and more she always

01:06:34felt

01:06:34like even though it felt like she actually enjoyed the commitment like when we became when we moved in

01:06:42she was like oh my god i i really trust that you love me like i really feel better like

01:06:48every step

01:06:49that we did to more commitment which would seem that she was like a pulling back but actually when

01:06:55and i never when she was like okay yeah let's move like when she i would never push or whatever

01:06:59she would then feel 10 times closer when we got married she even said she's like i really trust that

01:07:06you love me like it's just about it's just about we're all coming from our our spaces and in the

01:07:12beginning she was sometimes afraid to say a feeling that she had because if she spoke up as a child

01:07:18sometimes and you know one day when she uh you know if you you know if you water on it

01:07:23she's leaving

01:07:24the house or you catch her at the right time she could speak more to this i hate to share

01:07:27her stuff but

01:07:30um um she what was i saying with the trust didn't believe love oh yeah no yes you got it

01:07:40you got it

01:07:40you're a fucking pro got you i appreciate you i appreciate you got you yeah she would like if she

01:07:48expressed her feeling let's say something i did annoyed her i'm annoying i'm expecting to be in like

01:07:52i'm expecting at some point she's gonna be annoyed with me i'm a very annoying person it's one of my

01:07:56biggest insecurities i always try not to be and for people who find me annoying i'm always trying

01:08:01to talk less and to be less annoying and unfortunately part of my anxiety is i talk a

01:08:05lot and i am annoying so it is what it is but i'm aware and i don't like it either

01:08:10i don't like it

01:08:11either but let's say she you know i left something where she wouldn't want something or um i don't know

01:08:20it like if i'm like oh well you throw me the leash and she would rather like i throw me

01:08:24this

01:08:25she wouldn't even say something even as small as that bothered her because she would think that

01:08:29it's like a fight she would think that like oh i wouldn't love her if if something you know she's

01:08:35so used to like if she brought up problems as a kid it was like a problem with her so

01:08:40that stuff like

01:08:41came out and i'm like babe you're gonna have a million problems with me like you're gonna be like

01:08:46a million things sometimes i'm gonna hurt your feelings like there's gonna be so many things

01:08:51um and i'm still here i'm here i'm i had the opposite experience but even though i was so

01:08:56poor my mother was always home so i knew no matter what happened i called on the walls i fucking

01:09:03flunked

01:09:03this i i whatever we got into a fight the bitch is in the kitchen she's cooking she's going where

01:09:08is

01:09:09she i know to this day where my mother is she's in the kitchen the bitch is in the kitchen

01:09:13you know

01:09:13she was for love or money poor cooking and doing laundry every single day she never left the house

01:09:19right so that type of stability so we come from somewhere that i can handle a lot i'm like bring

01:09:24it on what is it which is probably so amazing to her though but she had never experienced that

01:09:29and i love what you had said at the beginning which is so real it's like sometimes you do have

01:09:33to

01:09:35really individually do the work because your partner can't solve it for you but then the fun

01:09:39moments in relationships when you realize you're compatible is also realizing like oh my baggage and my

01:09:45shit works really well with your baggage and your shit and what i'm bringing like gabby's like oh my

01:09:50gosh let's see if you can handle this and you're like this is child's play like i got you and

01:09:54she's

01:09:54like wait you're not gonna run you're not gonna get mad at me and that's really beautiful i am in

01:09:59the

01:09:59kitchen i'm in the kitchen i'm in the kitchen i'm in the kitchen and i love everything yeah like uh

01:10:05yeah

01:10:06it's kind of like yeah what you were saying the baggage it's like we heal each other through you know

01:10:13it's like i have the exact uh je ne sais quoi for her and she is exact for my stuff

01:10:17um so it really

01:10:20really works in a way that isn't yeah we're not solving each other's problems nor is it our

01:10:24responsibility they just are healing together and how amazing that like her with her wanting to trust

01:10:31but not feeling like she could trust you having yes things in your childhood but you being like no

01:10:36no i'm always going to be in the kitchen i'm not going anywhere i'm not and to be that stable

01:10:41force

01:10:41for her to keep proving like proving when you moved in together and she's like oh my god maybe

01:10:45this is real proving when you got married she's like oh my god you really do love me you're like

01:10:50girl i'm always going to be here like i'm just nobody is here like i'm just here that's what like

01:10:55it's not yeah so once i decide i mean i'm also like that with so many things i found these

01:11:01glasses

01:11:0112 years ago i don't know what i'm going to do like they work they fit this is my glasses

01:11:07like i don't rethink i have one one you know i decide on the thing babe look how i am

01:11:13what i

01:11:13used to do with everything not just people you're all in i'm like if i like something why am i

01:11:19getting

01:11:19new glasses why am i going to the optometry trying like well no i don't i like it it works

01:11:25and i can

01:11:26like something for a long time i still listen to songs 20 years ago okay uh freaking vanessa carlton

01:11:34making my way back home nothing like that i think it's making my way downtown oh yeah

01:11:39could be wrong listen 20 years and i still don't know the lyrics but that is a classic

01:11:45that's a classic like i won't get over it making my way back home wait does she ever say that

01:11:51no it's making my way downtown walk it yeah yeah but that at some point she goes home she goes

01:11:56okay can you tell us in the comments she does she's looking up look it up i do love a

01:12:02good

01:12:03vanessa carl are these real yeah you can eat them no no you can maybe you're not the person

01:12:09eat them wait how long have they been there we replenish but there could be a little dust

01:12:14you just replenish there's no way it says make it my way back home she says make it my way

01:12:18you're right about that you're right yeah and i'm homebound yeah she's homebound call her daddy is

01:12:25brought to you by depop i feel like we all have that one chair in our bedroom that becomes the

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01:12:49jeans phase guys remember that that trend was just simply not for me okay it came and went quickly

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01:15:07fees may apply all right we're playing a game ready yeah who's more likely to you and gabby addition

01:15:13people hate when i chew on podcasts oh yeah yeah that can get you see see the annoying i hear

01:15:19you

01:15:19and i'm going are they good really yeah okay yeah okay all right who is more likely to laugh at

01:15:28an

01:15:28inappropriate time me or gab gab and i are the same gab and i laugh at everything the same like

01:15:35we both we are so inappropriate at home she lets me be me i let her be her what is

01:15:40like an inopportune

01:15:41time that you guys have found something funny that you're like what we need to fucking stop right now

01:15:44stop laughing stop laughing it could be an unfortunate circumstance and we're laughing it's not my fault okay

01:15:49who's more likely to send back a meal at a restaurant me but i don't send anything back it really

01:15:56would

01:15:56have to be very bad but i'd be more likely are you leaving reviews no never i don't know the

01:16:02site the

01:16:02the the depths of a person who logs in i can't even they're logging in the login alone forgot password

01:16:13go

01:16:14to the email get the code i it it bewilders it's bad it's really scary stuff who's more likely to

01:16:23plan

01:16:24on a spontaneous date me what is one of the most romantic things you've ever done for her

01:16:30um i don't know we do so many romantic we love to be romantic together the most romantic or just

01:16:35like

01:16:35an example doesn't have to be the most it's it's it's so tough to say let me think well i

01:16:42know but i do

01:16:42romantic things for her all the time i mean i drive home from from shows and she likes um high

01:16:48shoes so if i pick up gas i go and i grab high shoes and i bring her a snack

01:16:52you're thoughtful

01:16:52or things like that so they're small day-to-day and then there's the big grand we go horseback

01:16:57riding i booked us a beautiful you know i don't want to say the inn but you know they have

01:17:02this and

01:17:02that so we do we do big and small romantic things all the time i think yeah who's more likely

01:17:07to pick

01:17:08a fight her what is the dumbest thing you guys have ever argued over we all dumb things all the

01:17:15time and we're over in two seconds something that gab and i have in common and this is back to

01:17:19the

01:17:19compatibility none of us hold a grudge we are ready in two seconds to kiss and sit on the couch

01:17:25together like it it's the best thing we're like i was you know sorry i was like i'll be like

01:17:31oh i was

01:17:32in a mood kiss kiss we're back it's two seconds who's more dramatic i don't know maybe her but not

01:17:39by much okay who is more likely to spill a secret i think neither of us really of each other

01:17:46or just

01:17:47like if someone how about this we tell each other every i was gonna say are you the couple that's

01:17:51like if someone tells gabby a secret and they're like do not tell anyone she's like uh-huh no no

01:17:56she's your spouse guys don't you're not gonna come between my marriage it's like i signed this nda

01:18:01like she signed this nda for traders or something one of the shows that she went on to she had

01:18:05to sign

01:18:05an nda i'm not gonna know she won you think an nda is gonna come between me and my wife

01:18:11are you out of your fucking mind are you out of your goddamn mind it's like we know we and

01:18:17we are

01:18:17nda proof okay so you just need to know that industry studios nda gabby wendy knows everything

01:18:24i know and i know everything she knows and that's the way it is i don't see how it could

01:18:29like i think

01:18:29um my husband i had this conversation with someone recently where we're like oh we know everything

01:18:34like we we tell each other everything and one of the couples was like what and we were like

01:18:39are we the weird ones or are they the weird ones and this is making me feel like they're the

01:18:43weird

01:18:43no they're the weird ones you know my friend uh ali and we debated this but she um she told

01:18:48me about

01:18:49somebody you know she told me about this you know love affair that she was having having um not an

01:18:55affair like cheating just a love affair she was having a romance um and she said but don't tell gab

01:19:01you know because gab might know the person or something like this so i said okay come on

01:19:08and especially fun tea like that i'm running bro i am running i am pedal to the metal i can't

01:19:16wait

01:19:16to tell her and guess who's hooking up i walk into the house guess who's hooking up i mean that's

01:19:25so that's a joy we have such small joy so let's have joy oh it's just the best a great

01:19:30new piping

01:19:31hot tea and you know i love my tea when it's not also like impacting your life at all so

01:19:38you can

01:19:38kind of just like and you know she told me that you know that you know she's like come on

01:19:43yeah if

01:19:43you think that someone's not telling their fucking partner i hate when someone says if i sell a friend

01:19:48and it's nothing to do with spousal telling or whatever i say don't tell anyone this

01:19:55and they go who am i going to tell i go what kind of a response is that i don't

01:19:58care i don't care

01:20:01even if you have no one to tell even if you're in jail cell i don't care no one i

01:20:06don't want to

01:20:07fathom who you have who you don't have i don't know your friends with this week and who you're not

01:20:12what kind of response when somebody says don't tell anyone who am i going to tell i don't know

01:20:17that's not the response that you say you say don't tell anyone you go i will not i will not

01:20:22because you know what it is you're right and people have said that to me before and now i'm

01:20:26like oh fuck have i ever said that to anyone it's almost like you're kind of already admitting guilt

01:20:31you're you're like who would i tell like i have no one to tell i don't know yeah you do

01:20:36there's

01:20:37always someone to tell there's someone else like who would and it's just not a relevant response to

01:20:42that it i i don't know how we got to that and that's gotta that's gotta go yeah because there's

01:20:48always someone to tell there's always someone to tell and and you may not have someone to tell

01:20:52today but you could tomorrow i don't care i have nothing to do i just said don't tell anyone

01:20:56i didn't ask who you have a comedy special called wake up currently out on netflix

01:21:03congratulations thank you i mean from the beginning of this you saying like i gave it six months

01:21:08i was gonna see people liked it i know i was good with my accounting position i know you know

01:21:14and

01:21:14now here you are on netflix how does that feel it's unreal i mean john mulaney who is one of

01:21:21the

01:21:21greatest stand-ups uh ever end of our time um you know called me out of the blue on this

01:21:28it's like

01:21:28and i i wasn't you know john mulaney's in a suit he's so polished you know that he would jive

01:21:35with

01:21:35someone like me but again it's about that compatibility you know he just was tremendous he put

01:21:41his weight behind me this is the fellas helping you want to be a good dude this is the way

01:21:46to

01:21:46fucking do it and he got it done and i showed up for him i said well i'm gonna bring

01:21:52all i can do is

01:21:53bring you an amazing hour of material i got you got me and i will not let you down and

01:22:00we went out

01:22:00there and we did our shit in one night were you nervous at all no i was i'm always nervous

01:22:07i mean

01:22:07when you asked me if i'm nervous i wake up nervous okay you know it's my baseline um but i

01:22:13it's also

01:22:13an excitement i'm very i know how to chant like i'm just always a little bit of a nervous person

01:22:19but especially nervous for this no it's always before i go on as soon as i get on stage i'm

01:22:25home

01:22:25i feel like all the lights it's just me and i traipse around like it's my living room i feel

01:22:34so

01:22:34comfortable when it's all the beginning and the stuff around it but as soon as they call me up and

01:22:38i got the mic and i know i i have some stuff to say and everybody just sit the fuck

01:22:43down we're gonna

01:22:44get through it i feel so at ease it's almost like the talking to you or the small talk that

01:22:49i have to

01:22:49experience or the handshaking or the or the small social gatherings that i'm more nervous than when i

01:22:55get on to that stage where i feel um completely home people go did you get nervous

01:23:02finding out these big theaters i was thinking the other week i'm like i think these big the bigger

01:23:06the better for like i feel amazing in these theaters it's feeling so warm it's feeling like

01:23:12an apartment i walked in and turned the lights on and they work and the water is running hot

01:23:18and it's just a great spot i'll take it i i everything i do i'm i i just take seriously

01:23:25and

01:23:26i enjoy doing so i'll continue this is how i toil basically how i do stand up i write and

01:23:33i act and

01:23:34i'm continuing to do it on bigger and bigger scales but within due time you know i'm working on my

01:23:40own

01:23:40show for hbo obviously a dream but it's not to say that my first part on hacks wasn't a dream

01:23:46they're

01:23:46all part of the dream and they're all just you know snowballing into the they're all just growing

01:23:52the dream so it's all it's all good i'll be on tour i love seeing you guys in these theaters

01:23:57i've

01:23:57never felt more at home and it's all sold out i looked at your website i know and we're just

01:24:01dropping

01:24:01when this comes out i think we're dropping the next let you know uh swag two of the tour so

01:24:07to speak

01:24:09congratulations yeah thank you so just doing just yeah just i i live again one of the greatest lives

01:24:16i'm building on my life with gabby um and we just we just love it so i really i wish

01:24:24yeah i don't know how humble that sounds i'm just really grateful and i'm really thrilled well i think

01:24:29we can all agree you've done a wonderful job i very very nervous to be on this why no because

01:24:36i'm not so

01:24:37familiar i have no clue what's going on i think you've done an excellent job they said you would ask

01:24:41pointed questions i said okay i don't know if it's like you know who wants to be a millionaire i'm

01:24:45like

01:24:45trying to get my facts pointed we had no but they said you know she can she can be realized

01:24:49okay well

01:24:50i'm gonna you know i can't say anything other than what i said but also like i wanted to just

01:24:55have fun

01:24:55with you you're a really entertaining person i was excited to get to know you i'm excited for my

01:25:00audience to continue to get to know you i wanted to have a nice we're in may you know it's

01:25:05unreal and

01:25:05the the weather's good yeah our feet are up you're eating jelly beans you finish your tea you didn't

01:25:12drink the bag in front of me make me vomit baby look at this see this is all part of

01:25:16the dream

01:25:16actually we did it see i'm not upset with the other podcasts i've done i'm just saying we're now

01:25:21on call her daddy that is all i'm saying no this was such a pleasure you were so fun thank

01:25:27you your

01:25:28wife also was such an incredible host on our reality show how good was she i know and people

01:25:34think i'm biased but she's objectively good i'm asking others when i would get the cuts and i would

01:25:40see her sections we're like this woman's a star oh right because it was your that's true so i'm in

01:25:46post edit watching her and we're watching her different takes and i'm like how do you pick a

01:25:50take like every take was amazing get away because she was like she was saying some shit and thank god

01:25:56you guys let her get away i know her i said to everyone i said if this is our host

01:26:01you have to let

01:26:02her be gabby and let her do her thing because you can't dilute it to just for television make sure

01:26:08it's friendly like let gabby rip because that is when she's at her best i agree um and when she

01:26:13was calling people perverts i was like they were you know it's not i wish they weren't it's like

01:26:17people ask me how do i come up with my ideas for comedy and why do i talk about it

01:26:20i wish i didn't

01:26:21know of pedophilia i wish i didn't know it fellas but you have outdone yourselves and now it's in my

01:26:27head and i don't want it there so i bring it to you we got to talk about it robbie

01:26:31hoffman on

01:26:32instagram we will be dropping the new dates thank you so much thank you for coming alex for having me

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