Tana Mongeau- Internet Lore, Sobriety & Finding Love

Call Her Daddy

Tana Mongeau- Internet Lore, Sobriety & Finding Love The most-listened to podcast by women, Alex Cooper’s Call Her Daddy has been creating conversation since 2018. From deep, honest discussions to laugh-out-loud moments, Cooper cuts through the BS with exciting guests and bold topics. New episodes drop every Wednesday, with throwback episodes every Friday. Want more? Join the Daddy Gang @callherdaddy.  Call Her Daddy,Alex Cooper,Father Cooper,Daddy Gang,Call Her Daddy Podcast,relationships,dating,comedy,funny,Alexandra Cooper,call,her,daddy,chd,call her daddy pod,podcast,interviews,call,her,daddy,podcast,interview,unwell,unwell network  From red carpet moments to behind-the-scenes fun, we bring you daily entertainment with fast updates and trending Bollywood stories. If you’re a true Bollywood lover, this channel is made just for you ❤️🎥  👉 Subscribe now and stay Crazy 4 Bollywood!   #Crazy4Bollywood #BollywoodNews #BollywoodGossip #BollywoodUpdates #BollywoodShorts #BollyBuzz #HindiCinema #BollywoodFans  Bollywood news, Bollywood gossip, celebrity spotted, Bollywood shorts, Hindi cinema, Bollywood updates, movie news, Bollywood viral videos

Transcript

00:00:04what is up daddy gang it is your founding father alex cooper with call her daddy

00:00:13tana mojo welcome to call her daddy alex cooper thank you for having me very exciting it's so

00:00:19exciting to me and i think that it's really crazy our trajectory like we have to talk about it even

00:00:25just the last episode of call her daddy that i was on and the beginning the guests like there's so

00:00:30much the last week of our life here i know there's so much here let's tell people how we got

00:00:34here

00:00:35because people are probably like what's going on yeah what's going on yeah is this unexpected i

00:00:40don't know or expected that's really interesting maybe a little bit of both to me but like i don't

00:00:46know i'm just in this era of life where i'm trying you're a businesswoman and there's a lot to learn

00:00:52and there i think in every other era of life i missed out on that connection with you and like

00:00:59just it's funny even we got lunch the other day and i sit down and i was like do you

00:01:02hate me

00:01:03and you're like no i look like tana we i don't we don't even like wow how would i just

00:01:08that unwell

00:01:08vegas mind you it's like why am i asking her this but i guess it was just that like you

00:01:12and i had

00:01:13never gotten to have a moment that was off camera we'd never gotten to have a moment where you both

00:01:17weren't on or like even the first call her daddy i was like i needed rehab not call her daddy

00:01:22let's

00:01:22talk about that it was such a weird moment so tana dms me and it's like will you go to

00:01:28lunch with me

00:01:28and i'm like so ominous too so ominous no contacts and i'm like of course like and i'm trying to

00:01:34think

00:01:34like what does she want to talk about but i also kind of want literally and so then we get

00:01:40there

00:01:40and you were in a little button down you were so wholesome it was i was like i'll wear my

00:01:46button

00:01:46down you you ate your pigs in a blanket there is something about scarfing pigs in a blanket across

00:01:53from you that is just some things will never change but we talked about so much at that lunch

00:01:58and i felt like it was the first time we got to really bond it was have a moment and

00:02:04i was like

00:02:04oh wow like you know what i mean like i don't want to be like oh well she was a

00:02:08person you're always a

00:02:09person but like we'd never been able to like strip down and just really discuss our like ideals and

00:02:14with no cameras yeah and i think that that was like the moment we had such a fabulous conversation

00:02:21we talked about a multitude of things one being like how much we have grown since we met the fact

00:02:26that we podcasted together over it's been over six years that's crazy that's really crazy but like

00:02:32the growth is i think evident i mean i don't have silver hair anymore yes oh my god and my

00:02:38tracks

00:02:38aren't out for the first time in my life like i just i needed to go darker there's so many

00:02:43there's so

00:02:43many little things where it's aesthetically and internally we both needed to what it's no

00:02:47and it's like what am i supposed to do with this i told you we're in demolition right yeah first

00:02:53of

00:02:53all i walk in but i have to say there's something and i don't know if i can say this

00:02:56word on call

00:02:57her daddy but there's something so cunty you can about someone walking in and you'd be like we're

00:03:01undergoing demolition right now like the only demolition i've ever had was interpersonal like you

00:03:08know the only demolition i ever had was like in my own personal life like everything and i'm like it

00:03:12looks like a it really looks crazy so thank you for understanding but i feel so at home in

00:03:16construction weirdly i'm under construction always personally at all times so anyway so we leave that

00:03:20lunch and we're like oh my god there's so much to do business wise personal wise friendship wise but

00:03:25like let's get you on the podcast because yeah i also think like we deserve to like rewrite our

00:03:31digital footprint a little bit i agree but i also i think that like a lot of people had a

00:03:36lot to say

00:03:36about our original episode of call her daddy let's take it back yeah yes let's take it let's go back

00:03:41so to anyone that's not familiar or our original original there's so much there that's what i'm

00:03:47saying so to anyone who's not chronically online almost a decade ago when call her daddy was started

00:03:55tana mojo was supposed to be the first ever guest and aren't you just so happy i wasn't like

00:04:02like sometimes the universe does work things out in a certain way like i don't know if you would

00:04:07have gotten to like the kamala harris's of it all had that happened you know maybe fair but no no

00:04:12but

00:04:13i want to hear this story from your perspective so i'm at barstool we had never had a guest yeah

00:04:18we

00:04:18were like should we have a guest i was such a huge fan of yours i was like watching your

00:04:22youtubes i was

00:04:22like tana it would be the perfect person like i was very gluck at that time you were so glad

00:04:27i was

00:04:27beyond you were so on brand for us we were so but look we were so congruent with our brands

00:04:32then

00:04:32and now we're both a little bit more brand safe now yeah and we've grown but at the time you

00:04:38then

00:04:38slept through the interview yes well i was sick but i will say at the time as well like

00:04:43who gives a fuck yeah tell me the story from your perspective i was touring and i had a day

00:04:47off and

00:04:48like even just my team at the time you can imagine what my assistants look like we were all just

00:04:51hammered and all of those things and yeah factually i just like i felt like shit and i was like

00:04:55i'm so

00:04:56sorry i can't make this and whatever but maybe if you were doing a little better to your immune

00:04:59system you would have shown up and like also now it's like maybe if you're touring don't agree on

00:05:04your one-off day and like obviously this was 10 years ago and i was so bad with timing then

00:05:08and like

00:05:09just so so bad like and i had to learn that lesson for 10 more years to come honestly but

00:05:16to be fair

00:05:17and i said this to you at lunch you guys it really was the best blessing and it breaks my

00:05:21heart like

00:05:22no but when i look back at all of those moments where i just fell so short and i was

00:05:26such a piece

00:05:26of shit in so many ways i know it's 10 years ago and i know i've changed but it's just

00:05:30like

00:05:30you want to go back and shake that girl for sure and like now looking back like it's really not

00:05:35that

00:05:35deep but at the time being like such a huge fan it it definitely hurt but no but like valid

00:05:42and then

00:05:43when i took the show over and did it solo then you came on the show yes and i think

00:05:48that there is

00:05:49something to be said about the fact that like you gave me a little bit of a proper joking hazing

00:05:54and it's like i also was coming off of all of the jake paul shit at that time i was

00:05:59also a drunk

00:05:59mess you came and you interviewed me while i was living in the clout house no in my house was

00:06:04like

00:06:04eight floors that i didn't need to be living and i needed rehab once again you need to slow down

00:06:09because i will never forget please and i i've forgotten a lot so please refresh me so first of all

00:06:16you completely forgot and i told you this and you were like we did we went to catch the night

00:06:22before i interviewed you on color daddy and now i remember like i remember the paparazzi photos

00:06:29which is such an embarrassing pathetic way to remember so much of your life in paparazzi photos

00:06:33but like i have no idea what happened in that restaurant tana i know you guys so for context i

00:06:42flew

00:06:43out to la i'm so excited i'm gonna have like kind of like my first round of guests on for

00:06:47color daddy

00:06:48and my now husband matt dropped me off at catch and he's like so who are you going to see

00:06:52at catch and

00:06:53i was like tana mojo and he was like okay he drops me off i walk in and it's like

00:06:58you and i think like

00:06:59i forget who's there it may have been trevy it may have been ashley i forget there was like a

00:07:04couple

00:07:04people there and i was solo riding with you and your squad and we talked all of no look at

00:07:09you

00:07:09you don't remember i genuinely feel like somewhat like that's it's sad to an extent where i'm just

00:07:14like how much of my life i don't remember but i get to i get to get it in bits

00:07:17and pieces let me

00:07:18tell you so here we are so here we are we're having a spicy tuna roll and we're talking we're

00:07:23talking

00:07:24about how you know you had flaked on color daddy and we're talking about the interview and how like

00:07:28i'm gonna bring it up and we're gonna make a joke out of it and it will be so good

00:07:31for clicks or

00:07:31whatever and there's paparazzi downstairs and the whole thing so like you were like on board with this

00:07:37whole plan yes so i show up the next day to the clout house and to anyone that is remembering

00:07:42now

00:07:42with me like clout house hype house like we saw all of this online but to walk into a actual

00:07:50tiktok

00:07:51influencer youtuber home i was so intimidated it was so funny it was so scary there were so many people

00:08:00i opened the front door i had no team at the time i had like one freelancer with me and

00:08:04then one person

00:08:05who had worked with me at barstool and we walk in people i've seen online walking around filming

00:08:09everyone's filming 24 7 because i my house was just my house but then the hype house was next door

00:08:15and they'd somehow acquired my door codes which is just what in the fucking simulation are you and

00:08:22like at one point post malone and his friends were next door and it was like this whole conglomerate

00:08:27where everyone just walked into other people's houses people would walk in unclothed it was like

00:08:31i and at this time as well it was such a juxtaposition because my parents were suing me

00:08:35for everything that i had so i'm in the lowest point of my life while i'm trying to present that

00:08:39like because at that time too that was the epitome of success to me to live in this clout house

00:08:44and

00:08:44live in this thing and like how lost you have to be to think that this is the epitome of

00:08:48success and

00:08:49like just what a mind fuck and it's like once again like maybe you're you don't need to call her

00:08:54daddy

00:08:55maybe you need like intensive intensive emdr therapy but you were you were amazing on that

00:09:00episode and i remember sitting on the black couch that you and brooke ended up doing canceled on

00:09:03and i'm sitting there and i'm like waiting for you and i think like amari was in the room a

00:09:07couple

00:09:07people are like setting up the cameras and i'm like so intimidated i'm so nervous i'm like so funny i

00:09:11like perceived it so because i think like i was so nervous i was so nervous and i knew i

00:09:17had like

00:09:17wronged you before and like i i wanted you i wanted you to like me i wanted you to like

00:09:22me like i was a

00:09:23fan i watched your story times i watched you in vegas like i watched you growing up on my screen

00:09:28so

00:09:28i was shitting my pants and then we do the episode and i remember you told like the craziest sex

00:09:33stories and you also idea no idea and i remember you told also like really really understandably

00:09:40like horrific shit about your parents and what you were going through lightly and it was great and

00:09:45we were like this is gonna get so many views and it did and it did so well but then

00:09:49people were

00:09:50very divided they were either like alex you went too hard at tana like okay so she missed the call

00:09:55her daddy first episode like let it go or people were like yeah tana's a fucking disaster like fuck

00:09:59that bitch and it was like oh my god wait guys we were kind of playing it up for the

00:10:03cameras and also

00:10:05like anytime anyone has ever brought that up to me like i think that a lot of the things you

00:10:10were saying

00:10:10in my opinion were a public opinion and were public questions i was such a disaster in so many ways

00:10:19and like god forbid a journalist is doing some boots on the ground trying to get to the bottom of

00:10:24it and

00:10:24also like yes i missed that but it was a pivotal moment like for you and everything that had happened

00:10:30before that i had missed that and we had never talked about it on camera and like i i stand

00:10:35on exactly

00:10:36why your approach was that way you know yeah so crazy also the way the internet because then i think

00:10:41that i went on for a long time to be like does alex cooper even like me and i like

00:10:46really lived

00:10:46with this reservation because of the internet commentary i know and it's and it's like because

00:10:51i was again i was so like you were valid in everything that you were saying at that time

00:10:55to where i was like what a it almost was a good thing to have you ask me these questions

00:10:59and why i was

00:10:59thinking this way and haze me a little bit for the thing that i had done wrong and it's so

00:11:03funny how much

00:11:03the internet can like do the thing that it does it's so wild and then unwell vegas happens and i'm

00:11:10like oh we're cool because it's been so long and we've both grown so much so i think like

00:11:14what we're i guess trying to say is like our origin story was very complex and it felt tumultuous

00:11:20maybe to the internet but i think you and i both always had this thing where we were like

00:11:24i want to know you and i really fuck with you but the only fucking time that we've ever really

00:11:29been able to hang out is with cameras in our face every and like we're both on and that's such

00:11:33a

00:11:33thing like even on wall vegas you're dealing with like a million things and i i get that you know

00:11:37what i mean and i was so but i also think i've been saying this a lot in my life

00:11:41right now that

00:11:42i think the universe protected me from fostering a lot of relationships until i was sober and capable

00:11:48of fostering those relationships and to be the like i'm so happy that this is happening now versus

00:11:53any other time and obviously we were both chaotic and we would have gotten along about the glucks and

00:11:57all the different things of course like i think we would have gotten along at any point in time

00:12:02you know what i mean but i had a little catching up to do and i'm happy that it's now

00:12:05i guess well

00:12:06i'm happy too and i even just felt at that lunch like i agree with you i don't think you

00:12:10and i

00:12:10would have been not only capable but just like uninterested in the depth of like just one lunch

00:12:17together and we were both like almost crying at the end we're like oh my god there's so much to

00:12:20discuss and so many similarities and differences and things to learn from each other so i guess i'd always

00:12:24lived with this wondering of like would we get along like would we like would we find things

00:12:29commonalities would we like do we see the world in like a similar way or like left at lunch and

00:12:34we

00:12:34were like and i was like this is really cool to see i was so like amazed to see such

00:12:40a human human

00:12:42being across from me you know what i mean and i'm sure you felt the same way you had never

00:12:45seen me

00:12:46in a human being light and i was like it's very cool to just she's she's just a girl so

00:12:51now i want to

00:12:52kind of go through oh it's so fun to reminisce this is so fun um i think when i look

00:12:57back at the

00:12:58beginning of my career and you've been doing this for so long i did a lot of things in the

00:13:04beginning

00:13:04days understandably to gain attention of course we have to put that in i know that was so i feel

00:13:12like cole sprouse the way i'm like the digital version of the the hot box tana fully puffing

00:13:17and you know i'm done you know but you going like this like like gracefully queen elizabeth style

00:13:23there's a photo of you over here like full regal that's what i'm trying to give about my absolute

00:13:27problem i need a patch i really tried to like i i did a lot of things for attention is

00:13:34basically what

00:13:34i'm saying and i i we're getting there um and i think a lot of it also was because like

00:13:40that day

00:13:41and age of the internet with youtube and everything like it was so you had to kind of do that

00:13:47to break

00:13:47into the industry and there was this feeling of scarcity i think and this fear of like if i don't

00:13:53do this someone else will and i don't really know a lot about your upbringing or where you came from

00:13:57but i speaking for myself i guess i lived in a lot of fear i fear was my only number

00:14:02one biggest

00:14:03motivator across my career at all times like if i don't do this and i don't say this crazy thing

00:14:07and i don't do this someone else is going to and i'm going to be gone tomorrow and quite frankly

00:14:11i'm going to be back at home with my parents like you know what i mean i think i had

00:14:14to like

00:14:16live that way i felt like i had to live that way for so long and i think like you're

00:14:21being rewarded

00:14:22for it you are i was gonna say there's a weird thing where it's like the drive of fear as

00:14:26fucked

00:14:26up as it is like it's probably why you have gotten as far as you have as opposed to someone

00:14:31who's been

00:14:31kind of like handed everything to them they're like oh i don't need to try that hard like you have

00:14:35grinded you have you have gotten canceled you've gotten uncanceled you have gone through

00:14:40different phases like you have literally gotten through so many different eras of your life in

00:14:44the public eye yeah and so i want to ask you going back a little bit like what were some

00:14:51types of

00:14:51things when you got to la that you were doing just for views that you can now look back and

00:14:56be like oh

00:14:57my god like i was really it was hard almost for me to differentiate it i think i became so

00:15:04engulfed

00:15:05in that person and i think it snowballed as well i mean also it all comes back to the story

00:15:11times

00:15:11right like i'm using these salacious titles and these crazy things and i'm learning that people

00:15:16want to see this and i'm like blurring those lines and like i'm praying that an uber driver gives me

00:15:22a

00:15:22bad experience so that i can pay my bills to get away from my parents and hopefully get emancipated and

00:15:28like it all started there and then it just snowballs and i almost think that that was that time you

00:15:32know

00:15:32my first friend in la was phase banks and like we did foster a great friendship and stuff like that

00:15:39but i mean same thing that he was calling that the cloud house and they were all doing that and

00:15:43the

00:15:43face clan was doing that and then i moved on to meeting the paul brothers who like definitely had

00:15:47a very like similar mindset and stuff i was dating bella thorne and like everyone was obsessed with

00:15:52that like there there are just so many it's a culmination of a million things that it truly just

00:15:57became who i was i lost myself in la over you know the the course of time i guess i

00:16:04think that's

00:16:04such a good point like how you just said like you were praying for a bad uber driver experience i

00:16:08think

00:16:08that any no like literally tana i think any single person who makes content now i think at any degree

00:16:16you go into it and you start making things and it's so fun and then you have that one day

00:16:21and you

00:16:22can't really pinpoint when it was where you're like but if i do this it will make for such a

00:16:26good

00:16:26video yes and then once you i remember i literally was on raya i met a guy and i flew

00:16:33to paris before

00:16:33even meeting him i i was like out of my mind i would have never done that but i had

00:16:38a vlog camera

00:16:38on a youtube channel at the time right before color daddy and i was like i want to do this

00:16:41i would have

00:16:41never gotten on the plane yeah if i didn't have a youtube channel yeah so like i was doing things

00:16:46for the story yeah that then motivates your life in a way that's like you're kind of like a prisoner

00:16:52to the content of course and just to this mindset that like i have to build this lore and i

00:16:57have to

00:16:57do these things and it's like all of the things that i look back on you know what i mean

00:17:02it got all

00:17:02the way to the point of like a fake wedding it got all the way to the point and it

00:17:06just like

00:17:07i i can't really differentiate so many moments in between all of it were genuine you know what i mean

00:17:12like i did love and care about so many of these people and i still stuck with my ride or

00:17:16dies from

00:17:16vegas from day one i didn't fully become this like sociopath view monster but so much of like

00:17:23what i was doing was pushing that boundary in that envelope and like i even think about just like

00:17:28alex warren and i would be like let's get a thousand hissing cockroaches and do this like it

00:17:33just it was like i don't know it just became who i was and then i woke up one day

00:17:38and was like oh my god

00:17:39i don't i don't want to do that anymore you so as you get older and your frontal lobe develops

00:17:43it

00:17:44wasn't until like 25 or 26 where i was just like i want to be a person with so much

00:17:49more depth and

00:17:49substance and i realized the weight of my platform and like and it's so hard to get off the like

00:17:55the

00:17:55roller coaster because you also like i didn't start my career in la and like at the time in my

00:18:01career

00:18:02there wasn't like new york city influencers so it kind of like was we were like siloed in new york

00:18:08and

00:18:08then there was like barstool boys but like it was kind of like you guys had so many people to

00:18:13help

00:18:13you if you turned left or right there were so many people doing her right yeah and so everyone was

00:18:18doing it so it felt probably also probably normal it really did and i talk about this a lot as

00:18:22well

00:18:22now that especially since short form content has started to happen so many of these influencers now

00:18:28as they blow up you know caa and uta and all of these talent agencies are ready to help them

00:18:33and

00:18:33like they've seen all the mistakes of all of the other creators so they know what not to do there

00:18:38now well everyone has a pr person so they know what not to do and it was none of that

00:18:42it was boots on

00:18:43the ground journalism in the regard that like i'm not gonna sit here and be like we pioneered it like

00:18:49that's fucking dramatic but like it was figuring everything out for the first time and it was

00:18:54convincing these brands that influencers were just as valuable as a facebook ad it was like making the

00:18:59mistake and then having to make the apology video and under learning that culture and like

00:19:03the apology video oh my god it was what a i get a cigarette i'm like back in my day

00:19:07like it just

00:19:09all of these things were being figured out for the first time can we talk about though though because

00:19:14controversy i think that inevitably and unfortunately it is obvious that the more controversial something is

00:19:23the more people are going to pay attention online to it and you learn that and if you're not in

00:19:28a good

00:19:28headspace you start to like compartmentalize the hate and just think that any attention is good attention

00:19:34and when you have a million people around you kind of like feeding into that notion it can be such

00:19:40a

00:19:41scary snowball is there anything that you look back on in those days something that you're like that was

00:19:47so just like controversial at the time and i just knew it would do well for views but like i'm

00:19:51like what the

00:19:51fuck was i doing it's so hard alex to give you anecdotal answers because it was everything and it almost

00:20:00wasn't one thing that i will say is that so much of it was not like i'm not going to

00:20:05give myself the credit

00:20:06that i was this like mastermind scheming so much it was almost just the way i was living i think

00:20:12that i was just

00:20:14i guess the difference is is that a lot of other people possessed a lot of discretion and they knew

00:20:19like maybe

00:20:19this like party last night where we all did a bunch of drugs i'm not going to talk about it

00:20:24online

00:20:24tomorrow because i have discretion and i care about my reputation and i have self-worth and i have

00:20:29parents right like all of these things whereas i was like no one's doing this and i'm just gonna share

00:20:35it all and like you know what i mean like almost like a who cares mindset right there were no

00:20:40boundaries

00:20:40for you it was just kind of like anything goes at all exactly i lived with an anything goes i

00:20:45lived

00:20:45without discretion up until maybe 72 hours ago that's a joke okay anything random comes to mind

00:20:52if you could erase something from the internet what would it be of yourself i've definitely had nights

00:20:56where i stay up late and i think god how much better would it be if even the paparazzi or

00:21:00team

00:21:00bryce on god was erased from the internet but at the same time

00:21:05and just like the jaw swinging like you know i can look back there's a paparazzi video of me

00:21:12going i hate people i love them like the paparazzi had asked me i was leaving catch honestly it was

00:21:16right around the same time as you and i had gotten that dinner and the paparazzi had asked me how

00:21:21do

00:21:21you feel about addison ray and bryce hall's breakup and i say i hate people i love them and then

00:21:26at the

00:21:26time i was very close with josie canseco and for some reason how fucked up i was i thought that

00:21:32jose

00:21:32canseco her father was my best friend so i'm talking about take me out to the ball game i'm talking

00:21:39about jose canseco's my best friend and i can look back at the the like those moments and be like

00:21:44that is objectively hilarious and like i don't want that erased but then my jaw continued to swing

00:21:50for a little too long you know where it's like i you know but at the same time like i'm

00:21:57a firm

00:21:57believer in the butterfly effect all the way down to like the shoes i'm wearing today and the sweatsuit

00:22:03you're wearing today like that like that changed the entire course of our day i think that every

00:22:07little thing got me to the person that i am and for so long i was a person that i

00:22:11was not proud of

00:22:12for so long i was a person that i absolutely hated for so long i was like such a fucking

00:22:16mess that like

00:22:17every single mistake or embarrassing thing taught me something whether it was heavy criticism whether

00:22:23it was like you are so fucking embarrassing get it together whether it was like and i just i i

00:22:28get

00:22:28scared when i think about like what if i erase that one thing and i continued to be that person

00:22:31i would

00:22:32be so sad if i was still that person that's such a good point too tana like we see on

00:22:37the internet

00:22:38the team price on god moment and everyone's like this is so funny this is the biggest meme of the

00:22:43year holy shit but you are also looking back being like oh my god like why were we team price

00:22:48on god

00:22:49like let's be team god on god maybe maybe find god and it's funny because i actually was sober in

00:22:56that

00:22:56video which makes it so much worse but i mean bender the night before bender right after i'm just saying

00:23:01like like i was like oh you were fully so you're like no no no just like in that very

00:23:05moment yes

00:23:06and that but no but i think it's more so one of those things where i was just lost you

00:23:10know what

00:23:10i mean like just who i was and the things i wanted to attend and the people i wanted to

00:23:14surround myself

00:23:14videos and you're like oh my god i see someone that's so lost and hurting and then the internet

00:23:19though is kind of perpetuating like this is so funny tana and so it's like should she do it again

00:23:25should she keep going and it's like when do you eventually be like i have to stop with my identity

00:23:30so much in that way because at the time i think even you're saying so lost and hurting

00:23:34i think i didn't know that i was hurting i think that i like i i now know i was

00:23:40hurting and i was

00:23:41numbing all of these things that had happened to me and just continuing to like get number and number

00:23:46and abuse substances more and numbing all these things that happened to me but in my head i was

00:23:50like i am i'm a party girl i'm timu lindsey lohan let's go like which is like and then people

00:23:57love

00:23:57that image and you start the wine brand and you're throwing the parties and you're gathering

00:24:01the lore that then works so amazing for this podcast that you're doing and like all of these

00:24:05things that you like convince yourself that no one's going to love you if like you stop all of

00:24:11these things and my identity became so tied to it to where i thought that not only that i loved

00:24:16being

00:24:16that but that that's who i had to be or no one would listen and like all of those things

00:24:20tana and all

00:24:22of those things we totally both tip over and start crying wait let's talk about the criticism

00:24:28because in a in a way and correct me if i'm wrong but like i think a lot of people

00:24:34i've talked to

00:24:35especially in this industry like you kind of start to dissociate in a way where you look back and

00:24:40you're like i don't really remember certain things because you're just like i'm going along and i'm

00:24:44surviving and i don't know what's happening or you're just like blacking it out and you're

00:24:49compartmentalizing right but then people are criticizing you and heavily heavily and i want

00:24:56rightfully so i want you to though like take me to your headspace when you would get criticism online

00:25:03because a lot of people watching this like will have never experienced it at the level that you

00:25:07have where people are like saying things about you how would you handle that and how has that

00:25:13evolved for you yeah it's definitely evolved a lot but i think that for a long time the big

00:25:18things did stick like you know what i mean like tana con for example like i spent an entire week

00:25:25at my best friend's apartment sobbing on the floor reading everything knowing that the whole world

00:25:29hated me and that i was a fucking failure and that i failed my fans and like i have goosebumps

00:25:32right now

00:25:32i will never so part of me that will never get over that failure because i failed my fans so

00:25:36tangibly

00:25:36and directly and stuff however i like that criticism stuck with me and i knew that i needed to ensure

00:25:43that all of my business partners like even though they were saying yes if they were actually

00:25:47capable of doing things that you couldn't just trust people if they said they were going to do

00:25:51something and i didn't know that lesson before and i like learned that maybe i need more people

00:25:54around me that will say no to me which i think was a longer less took me a little longer

00:25:59to learn

00:25:59but like the big things did really stick you know what i mean even just like more anecdotal things

00:26:06were when like i had bailed on bff's podcast dave portnoy came online and said don't do business with

00:26:11her she's a fucking bozo like that one stuck with me where i was like i don't want to be

00:26:15that

00:26:15girl and then the substances were allowing me to continue to like fail and whatever but i

00:26:21internalized them and was doing my best to grow how did you eventually learn the difference between

00:26:28like being canceled verse being held accountable yes i have always shared everything so it's not

00:26:36like i have this fake personality online that people were criticizing they were criticizing me and

00:26:41who i was to my core so like when i you know what i mean when i would receive those

00:26:46it was like okay

00:26:46maybe maybe i should like take some notes and refine right like and i'm not saying to like

00:26:51internalize everything that the internet says because i think things can be ostracized too far both ways

00:26:56the good and the bad and if you place too much value in either of those things you lose who

00:27:02you are

00:27:02and who your value is and there is discretion between that and i think that that's why it's so

00:27:06important to ensure that like your inner circle when you're is so amazing i'm so i think i would be

00:27:13dead without my best friends who are my family my chosen family around me holding me accountable

00:27:19though like not a bunch of yes men but like ensuring me that like there is a real world my

00:27:25new obsession

00:27:26these days is touching the fuck out of grass i love grass it is the best thing ever and hawaii

00:27:35girl

00:27:35my boyfriend helped me with that so much like just seeing his outlook on the world like just

00:27:42him understanding that this is just this one bubble that i live in and there's this whole big world out

00:27:47there and like trees and scenery are beautiful and connections with family are awesome and deep

00:27:51conversations are awesome and knowing knowing who you are is awesome and like that is this is the

00:27:56first era in my life where i my team and i like we my like head of content guy he's

00:28:01also one of my best

00:28:02friends and we've been friends for a long time we finally gotten the chance to like work on my new

00:28:06project together and him and i have really spearheaded the phrase towards this entire era of

00:28:10intention versus attention and it just being the very first time that that's what matters and that

00:28:16our intentions are so pure and that like we know who the fuck we are and we're not doing this

00:28:21to like

00:28:22garner attention because that's also the thing too is like when you are towing that line of garnering

00:28:27attention you are also making yourself so much more susceptible to walking that tight rope of

00:28:32flying too close to the sun and though all of the things it can get really fucking dangerous i i

00:28:39think

00:28:39that you're um known obviously for being so authentic online so i do want to hear a couple of your

00:28:45takes

00:28:45today i want to get your opinion i was doing my oot to her before and she was like are

00:28:50you okay like

00:28:51are you are you giving jennifer what are you doing what is that new there's definitely like some

00:28:55spectrum that i want right like i love a vocal stim you're just like going okay let's get your take

00:29:01it can be good or bad opinion on a few things okay what is your take on the current state

00:29:06of

00:29:06extravagant brand trips have they lost the plot wow um i mean i think as long as people are doing

00:29:17good

00:29:18where we're at in society right now just showing off opulence and that being all that you are is so

00:29:25that was a big lesson that i learned across this time i had a psychic actually tell me that um

00:29:29i would go so heavily into philanthropy and the psychic told me this at a time in my life where

00:29:36i

00:29:36was like absolutely not i want to go to poppy tonight what the fuck are you talking about maybe

00:29:40i'll do philanthropy when i share a something under my fingernail with someone else that says that's

00:29:45as philanthropic as i'll ever get and

00:29:50under my fingernail okay yes yep and now as i get to this point in life i'm like i realize

00:29:56how

00:29:56important it is if you have something to give how much you need to give back and stuff i think

00:30:02that

00:30:02now right now if someone's like do you want to go on this brand trip with this crop top brand

00:30:07with

00:30:07these girls and like take they're all going to be taking a thousand tequila shots and like that's the

00:30:12whole point i'm saying no i think this is the first time in my life where i'm saying no for

00:30:15so

00:30:15long i was so excited to like say yes to everything because i mean if anything came across my desk

00:30:20i was

00:30:21just stoked something was coming across my desk right like so it's now you're able to kind of discern

00:30:26like does this is this for attention or is this intentional like do i is this actually meaningful

00:30:31to me and make sense for me right now in my life yes and do i morally feel like this

00:30:36is a good

00:30:37a right thing to do do i feel like this is helpful for the greater good either of what i'm

00:30:41doing with

00:30:41my platform or the bigger picture of the world today that needs so much help and sometimes it

00:30:46just takes like literally growing up yes like if you're 22 and you're getting invited on the brand

00:30:49trip you're like what what why would i know who cares what people think i look like let's take a

00:30:53shot

00:30:53at turks and kegos like that was me for so long and now i'm just like you know i don't

00:30:59need it

00:30:59call her daddy is brought to you by airbnb daddy gang there is nothing quite like a girl's trip my

00:31:06friends and i are starting to plan our summers and naturally our group chat right now is filled

00:31:11with everyone sending photos and reminiscing about our last trip together for our last one we went

00:31:17skiing up in colorado and we stayed in the cutest cabin we found on airbnb it came with an amazing

00:31:23kitchen so we knew if we wanted to cook one night we were good to go and that's where airbnb's

00:31:28grocery service came in so clutch while we were there still on the mountains we were able to stock

00:31:34up on everything we needed like pasta snacks a little bit of ranch all the essentials and by the

00:31:40time we got back everything was already just like waiting for us we threw on sweats turned on the music

00:31:45turned on the fireplace poured some wine and we just got into it it was honestly one of the best

00:31:50nights and the best trips that i've had in a really long time and that is why as we plan

00:31:54our next

00:31:55girls trip booking a stay on airbnb is a no-brainer for me group trips are simply better on airbnb

00:32:02not only is it more fun to stay all together but everything just feels way more convenient especially

00:32:08with airbnb's new grocery service you can skip the awkward trip to the store and get all of your

00:32:13groceries delivered right to your door so instead of wasting time running errands you can spend more time

00:32:18actually enjoying your trip no matter the reason for your group trip there's no doubt that it's better

00:32:24when you book a place on airbnb call her daddy is brought to you by sephora as you guys know

00:32:30my mom

00:32:31and i are really really close but when it comes to giving her gifts i feel like i am running

00:32:36out of

00:32:37good options i'm spending time trying to brainstorm something that she needs and that like she actually

00:32:42will use and then suddenly it's the last minute i'm like okay let's just get some like flowers and

00:32:47maybe like a sweater and we'll just like call a day no mother's day is coming up and this year

00:32:52i'm switching it up okay we're all switching it up instead of trying to guess what your mom wants

00:32:57i personally and so should you we're going straight to sephora girls okay sephora has mother's day gift

00:33:03sets for every mother figure in your life that feel special and personal whether she's into her

00:33:09skincare routine or it never leaves the house without a good perfume on these sets are designed

00:33:14to make her feel good look good and actually take a second for herself which we all know she deserves

00:33:19sephora makes it so easy to find something thoughtful without the stress you can go in

00:33:24grab something cute and be in and out so daddy gang this mother's day let's set it up skip the

00:33:29basic

00:33:30gifts and get her something she'll actually be excited to open shop mother's day gifts at sephora

00:33:36how do you feel about the internet switch up on hailey bieber after coachella i mean i'm like i'm the

00:33:42i can't

00:33:43even get my words out i'm the biggest believer until i die like she could run me over like i

00:33:50could

00:33:50be in the road and she no pun intended on the road i could be in the road and she

00:33:54could run me over i

00:33:55love her to death and i think even just that the hailey and selena shit was so disheartening to me

00:34:03because it's like god forbid they both they both want to just run off into the sunset and live their

00:34:08lives like it was so ostracized that there's no other way and over a man and i love justin bieber

00:34:13but still over a man that there's no other possible ending to this story than these two women having to

00:34:20burn each other's houses down it's so sad to me it is so sad and i loved hailey's response being

00:34:27she said like save your apologies the therapy's already paid for i was like babe honestly good for

00:34:33you god forbid you also like want to stay with the person and heal and grow with them and like

00:34:38she did that she stuck by his side and rode with him maybe at times where he wasn't the best

00:34:42but

00:34:42like that shows that you're a ride or die and that you love this person and you want to be

00:34:46a mom and

00:34:47you want to release some fucking peptide lip gloss that are bomb like let the bitch live like it just

00:34:52it's so true everyone switches up so fast it's like it's so it's whiplash yeah but i also respect

00:34:58hailey so much for kind of being like save it like i don't need whether you love me or hate

00:35:02me i don't

00:35:02really care anymore like i've had to find peace because you guys have bullied me for so fucking long

00:35:06and people just like oh my god like wanting to do that like i know that you can write off

00:35:13like

00:35:13there's so many people that are gonna be like she's famous she's married to justin bieber she's fine

00:35:16but like what that what that does to your psyche people like even her og met gallo where people were

00:35:21like screaming at her on the carpet awful things like what that does to your psyche feeling like

00:35:25you can't leave your house without even in like little scandals of mine i would feel that way where

00:35:30you're like leaving the house and you're at the coffee shop and the barista's looking at you

00:35:34and you're like they hate me they hate me they hope i die like they hate me so much and

00:35:38they

00:35:38probably don't and don't know and whatever i can't imagine on that level of your psyche of like

00:35:42she is a very strong woman yeah and it's just it would never happen to um it's such a good

00:35:50point um

00:35:52do you think people have lost their sense of individualism because of social media and the

00:35:56constant trend cycle oh to an extent yes right like i ordered a jelly cat the other day and it's

00:36:04just like what why did i order that jelly cat okay like and buster's gonna chew it up in three

00:36:10hours

00:36:10it doesn't like there is definitely yes but i also really try to look at social media not through a

00:36:18general lens of everyone and everything is awful because it's very easy to do that nowadays it is it's

00:36:23and there are still so many creators that are bringing individualism and philanthropy and good

00:36:30things and all of these things to the forefront of their pages and i try to even like a julia

00:36:36fox

00:36:36is a great example of someone who is just so individually stands ten toes down on like their

00:36:40opinions and all of those things like there there are the julia foxes of the world who remind us that

00:36:46we can just like have our own opinions and be individual and i try to just focus on that otherwise

00:36:50i'll like no you'll go and say and it's true like sometimes it is fun to participate in trends but

00:36:54then

00:36:54it is also like if you're doing it every fucking time then it's maybe like slowly roll like what is

00:36:59your actual own fashion sense what is your own actual beliefs like are you just regurgitating what

00:37:03you're scrolling every day opinions as well i think that i struggle with that a lot like you know

00:37:07what i mean because i always want to share my honest opinion and sometimes it's not you know

00:37:11let's talk about canceled yes so you had such a presence on the internet youtube um everyone knew

00:37:22you for your story times you like we just kind of talked about earlier you had evolved so intensely

00:37:27in different categories and different moments and marriages and relationships and all that marriages

00:37:34um and then you launched this podcast and it felt like kind of a pretty big shift in in your

00:37:42career

00:37:43and your life at the time the biggest did it feel that way i don't think i was as aware

00:37:47of it at the

00:37:48time but when i look back now like and i just want to say something that i don't feel like

00:37:52i've said

00:37:53yet in this kind of like time of my life in an interview if i had a fucking time machine

00:37:58and i could go

00:37:59back i would do it all over again every time just the same like i it was crazy and wild

00:38:10and it's funny

00:38:11even now i'm like realizing that there are moments that i don't even really remember there's a part of

00:38:15me that's like i kind of just like brooke and i woke up one day and we had one of

00:38:20the biggest podcasts

00:38:21in the world and there was there wasn't a lot of like you know i didn't i don't even know

00:38:25how it

00:38:25happened but it's because it was just so authentic and it was so authentic to me at the time and

00:38:31what

00:38:31her and i had like i think it did save my career in so many ways had i just kept

00:38:36drinking and trying

00:38:37to renegade and like not you know what i mean had this long form thing with this incredible dynamic

00:38:43with this other person i have no idea where i would like be now you know and i think also

00:38:49for anyone

00:38:50that lived under a rock like you and brooke your co-host at the time like you were either weighing

00:38:55in on internet culture um and drama specifically or i think more towards the end like you then also

00:39:01started to kind of expose it a little bit like you would bring stories forward yeah our personal lives

00:39:06yes of your personal lives and just the things that we were experiencing because that that was so

00:39:11much of what we were doing going out and doing all of the like crazy things and canceled also provided

00:39:16this crazy life for us like where we're looking at each other at like the people's choice awards

00:39:21and we're like watching like jennifer aniston or whoever like present and we're like how the hell

00:39:27did this happen you know what i mean when because i relate in a lot of ways to like

00:39:35early caller daddy days felt a little bit like what you're describing of there almost wasn't

00:39:40a moment to be like wait it's the biggest show in the world oh my god like it's happening

00:39:45just keep pushing your fucking foot down on the gas and just go go go that's how i felt for

00:39:52sure

00:39:52in the beginning like did you ever start to have concern a little bit of like

00:39:57oh bringing drama and how many views we're getting like are we crossing a line at all like where did

00:40:05you start to have those conversations if at all i think that for a while we were just like you

00:40:12know

00:40:12what i mean talking shit about our real lives and all of the things that were happening i will say

00:40:15that something so beautiful about our dynamic was that brooke always had a little bit more

00:40:19discretion than me even in the craziest times where it's like tana don't fucking say that and that was

00:40:23what made the on-camera dynamic so great and like helped so much in real life and it was like

00:40:26this perfect balance and stuff like that i think that for the first time that i personally felt

00:40:32ever across canceled felt a repercussion on my mental health of the things that i say

00:40:39you know because for so long even just pre-canceled across all have canceled i was saying anything and

00:40:44just keeping moving and it like it was negatively affecting my mental health but i was numbing it out

00:40:49with drinking all the things that i personally was saying and stuff like that but the first time where

00:40:53i was like whoa this may not be like so good for me was right after i had come for

00:40:57elissa violet

00:40:58i had talked about my experience with cody co because it like went out into the world and i had

00:41:05said

00:41:05that on stage like flippantly on tour never thinking it would go out into the world and i was going

00:41:09everywhere in public and people had so much to say and i couldn't open my phone at all without seeing

00:41:13good or bad things like just whatever you know what i mean and i was like whoa and then we

00:41:18did dial

00:41:18it back and it was okay again later you know what i mean but yeah i think even towards the

00:41:25end

00:41:25there would be moments especially brooke again was always better with the discretion where we'd be on

00:41:29tour and she'd be like actually wait i want to stop telling this story on stage

00:41:32like wait just growing up just naturally like growing up a little bit that's what i was thinking

00:41:38about and starting to care about other like people's like you know lives yes and how it's

00:41:43going to affect them because i was going to say there's such a huge risk reward that comes with

00:41:47over sharing on the internet right the reward is the views and the people and and the consumers being

00:41:54like more more give us more oh my god this is intoxicating oh my god tea drama oh my god

00:41:58but then the risk is behind the scenes you can be burning bridges and like maybe fucking with

00:42:06people's lives a little bit not saying some of them didn't deserve it no just saying like there's

00:42:10relationships that are getting a little fucked up in all this i would couldn't walk into me personally

00:42:15at least could not like i couldn't walk into a room in hollywood without either a feeling like

00:42:20everyone was afraid of me or be like it's so funny at that time too i was still so delusional

00:42:25because i would walk into a room and then some celebrity or some person would be like and don't

00:42:29put this on your podcast and i would be like why would they say that like i wouldn't why just

00:42:33why

00:42:33does everyone always like say that to me and it's like what tana next week you're like so anyway so

00:42:39it's at this hollywood yes like yes and just oh my god but i can't stress you enough also like

00:42:45canceled saved my life in so many ways because as much as we're talking about all of the crazy stuff

00:42:51that was said and the repercussions of that at the same time while all of that was happening

00:42:54we also fostered this community of women that were so incredible and showed up for us everywhere and

00:43:03cared about we had to say and cared about every last intricacy of our life and like just every we

00:43:08couldn't go anywhere and it makes me want to cry when i like start to say it but it's like

00:43:11we could and i said this on the last episode but it will forever make me emotional that we couldn't

00:43:15go

00:43:15anywhere for years without some girl stopping us and saying like the canceled podcast saved my life

00:43:21and changed my life and made me feel like i'm maybe more of a wild girl or i had a

00:43:26shitty relationship

00:43:26with my mom and it transferred into my love life or like all of these things you know like i

00:43:32don't i

00:43:32don't ever want to look at it i don't look at it through a bad lens because you know no

00:43:36you made a

00:43:36lot of people feel seen and i think my life had just changed so drastically like i really i'll never

00:43:42forget the canceled episode where i came home from hawaii mcoa was in my living room he didn't

00:43:48know like anything about my life and he had just flown out and he was down to take a gamble

00:43:52and we'd

00:43:53had like megan trainer on and i remember i was watching like mcoa meet megan trainer and then we

00:43:57shoot like another episode and i sit down across from brook and i'm like i just met the love of

00:44:02my life

00:44:03and i still was very chaotic as a person and just in a very dark time and of drinking and

00:44:09substance abuse

00:44:10and all of my traumas culminating together to make me this person that i hated myself and you know

00:44:15just all of these different things but life started to change and i started to want to go to hawaii

00:44:22more

00:44:22and like started caring less about like feeling this need to come online and like you know go on a

00:44:29rampage

00:44:30about someone or something or like foster the lore in la like at the hollywood parties and all the things

00:44:35yeah like how how now you sitting here how has it changed the way that you approach involving yourself

00:44:41in internet drama or talking on other people's situations or your own personal situation you know

00:44:46what i think it is now is obviously a lot of discretion like we've been talking about where like

00:44:51i'll go on a rant and me and tiktok drafts are like this okay like i will film something i

00:44:57will draft

00:44:57it i will think about it and a lot of times it won't see the light of day but even

00:45:01with brand safe

00:45:02i've really been thinking about that because like it's an unrealistic standard to say that i will

00:45:05never ever ever ever ever speak on things happening on the internet again right but like if there's not

00:45:11a bigger lesson there like even right now i saw something online where this girl is going extremely

00:45:16viral for her 50-day bender she's like she's a college girl and a lot of people have a lot

00:45:22to say

00:45:22about her like 50 days she's doing day one day two day three of just being on this bender and

00:45:27people

00:45:27are you know starting this whole conversation about it and i'm like okay that's an internet thing i would

00:45:31talk about on brand safe because i think there's so much to be said about bender culture just like

00:45:35how much alcohol is glamorized for like and party girl and like all of those things is so glamorized

00:45:41when it like it's in reality that's like fostering alcoholism for life that could have a lot of

00:45:46repercussions and digital footprint for like jobs that could have a lot of repercussions i think

00:45:50i think now i really don't care to talk about pop culture and drama stuff unless either a i'm really

00:45:55passionate or b there's a bigger picture and like i used to almost like have to or i felt like

00:46:01i

00:46:01had to like garner something to say i had to like come up with something to say about something and

00:46:06it's like why add more noise yeah if there's not a bigger like maybe there's a bigger conversation

00:46:10about how if it was two men once again you know but like yeah i just don't feel the need

00:46:15to be like

00:46:15comment commenting on every single thing that's such an interesting point too because in talking about

00:46:21the double standard like did you ever feel like because how much you referenced people were so

00:46:27literally pausing episodes of you and brooke and being like oh my god um at this point you could

00:46:32tell that this one doesn't really laugh at that joke and so they must be in a fight this is

00:46:36crazy or

00:46:36she gave her kind of like an interesting weird look that they must be in a fight did you guys

00:46:40or did

00:46:40you personally you can only speak for yourself like ever feel like you had to start to like

00:46:45perform in a way of like oh make sure i'm smiling a lot or like make sure i'm xyz to

00:46:53appease all the

00:46:54naysayers i do feel like in the beginning of canceled not only was i just like so hammered

00:46:59and stuff that i was just like and just crazy and just like i just come off of the do

00:47:04anything

00:47:05for views and that's still i was i was so crazy whereas by the end i you start to especially

00:47:10in

00:47:10becoming sober you start to look at things through a lens of like i know if i say this thing

00:47:15this way

00:47:16that people are going to say things this way and fostering such a polarizing comment section and stuff

00:47:21like that and i think that i just yeah it did just make me sad where i was just like

00:47:28it does suck because you're like and maybe that's also just growing older as well like we were

00:47:32you know by the end of it like she's getting married and i'm like you know i'm so happy with

00:47:37mccohan spending so much more time in hawaii and i'm sober as all fucking hell so i'm just seeing

00:47:42everything so clearly to where like by the end of it you know like yeah you feel more types of

00:47:48ways

00:47:48about the way the internet is going to pick everything apart and you start to overthink

00:47:52i think that it's exhausting i became an overthinker i became an anxious person i like developed ocd a

00:47:57little bit like for the first time in my life in the sober journey of just like you know i

00:48:02mean

00:48:02the screw like the scrutiny that you guys were getting that would make sense of how it could make

00:48:07you like paranoid yes now that you guys don't work together anymore and you could just be friends

00:48:13how has that dynamic changed between you two i think that it is so so cool and i know that

00:48:22that's

00:48:23just like such a like silly flippant thing to say but i think there's a big part of me as

00:48:27well

00:48:28that when i walk out of what canceled was and now i like will see the old clips on my

00:48:32timeline and stuff

00:48:33i look at those two girls and i'm just like so deeply deeply proud of them for like going through

00:48:43all of that and like even just our own personal struggles you know what i mean like she wasn't

00:48:49an alcoholic and like all of these just different things like our own personal struggles i'm just so

00:48:55proud of the lives that we were able to create for ourselves and like this is gonna sound so stupid

00:49:00but like right now she has these cameras in her backyard where they see all the like bunnies like

00:49:05there's bunnies in her backyard and i'll just like see her post about like her bunnies in her

00:49:09backyard and like i'm just like i don't know how to explain it it's so light and stupid but it's

00:49:15such

00:49:15this big metaphor like you're just like chilling at home your cortisol isn't on 10 and you're excited

00:49:20about these bunnies and like that's fucking awesome but you're like this is what we deserve at this

00:49:26point yes not to be stressed and have everyone reading into what every single thing we're doing

00:49:31it's just like it was too much you got too much yes i'm just i'm genuinely so grateful for the

00:49:38other

00:49:39fucking side for the both of us like and but i also i feel like when i say that that

00:49:45doesn't mean that

00:49:46like i didn't love that side too i think that it's funny as i've been doing a lot of press

00:49:51across the last couple weeks i like have noticed how many people are sitting me down and trying

00:49:58to get me to say something trying to like build this narrative and i'm just like and even just

00:50:06the way that in doing written interviews people will still misconstrue the things that you're saying

00:50:10and i'm just like you're not gonna get that from me like i even just noticed myself right now i'm

00:50:16talking to you and i'm saying we're on the other side and then i'm immediately being like but that

00:50:19doesn't mean i didn't love that side and it almost does make me a little more defensive because i'm

00:50:22like you're not ever going to say that like i didn't love doing canceled and you loved it yes and

00:50:29period and end of story yes and then just like we got to grow up across it and i'm excited

00:50:36to be

00:50:37still growing up and touching the goddamn grass she loves the grass from your now lived experience and

00:50:44i'm not actually even just talking about you know you and brooke just your whole career having

00:50:47friends in the industry and different interpersonal dynamics with women what is your interpretation

00:50:53now in this phase of your life of like why society is so fixated on creating competition between women

00:51:02i to be honest with you alex i don't know i don't know if people are projecting things that they

00:51:10have felt or whatever or if there is just this internalized misogyny that like we will forever

00:51:16have to like work through or if people just want that like want to see that for entertainment purposes

00:51:23or what it is and it's not even just competition always it's just simple things that women do like

00:51:29you know what i mean even the like business woman of it all like if you're loud on what you

00:51:34want or if

00:51:35you want to like direct your team and direct your employees like no one would even blink their eyes

00:51:41if like a man did that and it like i i want to forever be the voice for that and

00:51:46i feel like i've always

00:51:48been that way in my career even from story time even at that time i my self-worth was so

00:51:53low i didn't

00:51:53for a long time up until this era really look at myself as a role model at all i couldn't

00:51:57i didn't

00:51:57like myself enough or believe in myself enough but now when i look back at my career i think one

00:52:02of the

00:52:02messages that i was always trying to say is that like society wants a woman to shut the fuck up

00:52:09so badly like and we have to band together as women and double and triple and quadruple down on the

00:52:17fact

00:52:18that like no we're not i know it's so it's you're so right tana and i had shared that with

00:52:24you at lunch

00:52:24i was like it's i i feel like i keep having the same conversation with people um like you and

00:52:32michelle obama

00:52:37the dichotomy of this like you and like oh talking with michelle obama

00:52:42it's so incredible though it's i love michelle obama no it's so good girl no it's literally

00:52:47she's like so she's god she's god she really is so good but it's like i feel like i've had

00:52:52this

00:52:52got shonda rhymes like kerry washington ellen pompeo like jane goodall like i've had so many

00:53:00conversations with so many women who have come forward to be like guys we well we all so we all

00:53:08know this now yes and now what and i feel like that's what i'm trying to figure out in my

00:53:13own

00:53:13journey i shared that with you at lunch of like what is the next though iteration of like i think

00:53:17we're all aware of the double standard i think we're all aware of how we love to pit women against

00:53:22women and how it's such an easy narrative so why is nothing changing and i think that's kind of

00:53:29it's almost getting worse it's almost getting so much worse with the short form content like just

00:53:34every day that's why i really don't i think people would be surprised to know that i really am not

00:53:38opening and scrolling tiktok like i post i deleted the app yeah like it just i don't and sometimes i

00:53:44will yeah like now and again but it makes me so sad when i open it up and it's like

00:53:48what new

00:53:49woman are we hating today and then i scroll and it's like you need to buy this thing or your

00:53:54like your self-worth is low you need to buy this thing to fill this unfillable void consumerism

00:54:00the conspirit like the conspiring against everything it's like jim carrey's like probably not a clone and

00:54:06selena gomez is also probably not a clone and like also we'll never know so why are we spending our

00:54:10time

00:54:11on that when we could all band together and talk about all the actual actual actual actual problems in

00:54:16the world like like oh my god let's talk about privacy though because i feel like in this new

00:54:24era with you there has been a clear shift like we're talking about of getting involved less in drama

00:54:30not scrolling as much not participating maybe as much and actually going out touching grass

00:54:35sharing a little bit less of your life in a way that feels invasive maybe um yeah having done it

00:54:44for

00:54:44so long and like living for views and and the game how does it feel weird it's i want to

00:54:52say it's

00:54:53just different yeah because i think that the first time i ever found a form of therapy was sitting down

00:54:59in front of a cracked iphone 5 and filming a youtube video and seeing seeing the comments and the the

00:55:07people it was the first time i'd ever felt seen it was the first time i'd ever felt hurt it

00:55:11was the first

00:55:11i'm point blank i didn't want to kill myself when i found that through the camaraderie with my viewers

00:55:17and i always say to my girls out there like our relationship isn't that parasocial because i've

00:55:22shared it all obviously if you're showing up to my front door we might have to have a talk okay

00:55:26but our relationship isn't parasocial because i've shared it all and like we have these same issues

00:55:30whether it's familial issues or sobriety issues or you know becoming a good person not just being born

00:55:36one like you know i and i think i will always share that and if anything i think that brand

00:55:41safe

00:55:42is the most vulnerable i've ever been like it's it's not that i'm just going full private bot like

00:55:47consumer brand safe mode like it's not that if anything i'm sharing more about my childhood and

00:55:52more about these things that are going in my book and more about how the industry like fucked me over

00:55:56i think it's just like it's just different i there is more privacy and discretion in all of the

00:56:02things that i'm sharing and i'm trying to again it's intention versus attention and just like

00:56:07you know it's a great switch though and even right now as soon as i'm done with call her daddy

00:56:11i'm

00:56:12getting on a plane to hawaii for like three weeks and i'm just gonna go sit in my place there

00:56:16and i'm

00:56:17gonna shoot some solo episodes on the grass and i'm gonna like talk my shit and still giggle but it's

00:56:22just different and it's i'm excited about that you know also like before i was doing so much in la

00:56:28and then i had so much to talk about about what i was doing in la and now it's like

00:56:32i'm more in such

00:56:34a reflective recalibrated period where i'm not really trying to go just personally garner so

00:56:40much more lore if anything i'm looking back on so much and i'm looking back on it kind of out

00:56:45of the

00:56:45and out of the woods you know and that was what i wanted this podcast to be which was to

00:56:51feel like

00:56:512 a.m conversations with me and from everywhere i think i will forever be the most inspired at 2

00:56:56a.m that

00:56:57comes from being a vegas girl i'm a nighttime person i'm the most inspired then and now i it

00:57:01can be 2 a.m and i can be stoned in bed with makoa like talking about you know what

00:57:06i mean our views

00:57:06on life and parenting and all these like random things and like just that like freedom is what

00:57:13defines this era now for me call her daddy is brought to you by sofi the all-in-one finance

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00:58:23sign up for sofi checking and savings at sofi.com slash call her daddy sofi checking and savings is

00:58:29offered through sofi bank na member fdic terms apply sobriety how long have you been sober a little

00:58:39over a year and a half congratulations thank you it's amazing it's the best that was so beautiful

00:58:44someone came up to us while we were having lunch in the industry and was just like oh my god

00:58:48you are

00:58:49such an inspiration like i've now gotten sober and that moment it was so cool to watch that very

00:58:55different from all of the moments you and i had had in the past very different from that catch dinner

00:58:59um yeah but i want to talk about how that like that decision you had built such a party girl

00:59:09image and that was your brand like was there any part of you that was like do i just self

00:59:16-sacrifice in

00:59:17order to like keep the brand going yes i was self-sacrificing for a long time unknowingly you know and

00:59:25absolutely i my identity was so deeply intertwined with being that version of myself and i there were

00:59:34it was one of the biggest transformative periods of my life for that reason because i was like oh my

00:59:38god no one is going to listen to me i deeply believe these ideologies that no one was going

00:59:42to listen to me no one was going to care i wasn't going to be interesting i wasn't going to

00:59:45be funny i

00:59:45wasn't going to be social i wasn't going to be all of the things and i was going to lose

00:59:50everything

00:59:50that i had amassed had i like became sober and boring i thought sober equated to boring i thought

00:59:56sober equated to unfunny i thought sober equated to so many things and i thought that being the girl

01:00:01with the testimony was corny i thought that it was like oh my god how embarrassing and like just all

01:00:06those things and the reality of it all was like being the girl with the testimony and the girl who

01:00:11like loves being sober is the coolest thing in the world and like it was very cool in the beginning

01:00:15to start seeing that as well like i brooke and i were doing a meet and greet in um amsterdam

01:00:21and

01:00:21this girl came up to me tears in her eyes they were so blue they were so piercing she grabs

01:00:26my hands and

01:00:26she looks at me and she says i want you to know my parents would not have a daughter if

01:00:30it wasn't for

01:00:31you and you got me sober and it was just this like mo and we hugged each other and it

01:00:35was just this moment

01:00:36where i started to realize like now not only have i like done this for myself and my the fans

01:00:42are so

01:00:42fucking amazing and reassuring me that they do care about anything that i have to say and all these

01:00:47ideologies weren't true but also that i'm like helping this generation believe that like you can

01:00:54be sober and still dynamic and interesting and still have fun that's another huge thing you think

01:00:58like all my friends are drinking and i'm not gonna like make new friends and like i'm not gonna have

01:01:02any fun in these environments anymore and like all these things it's not true i wish i had just done

01:01:06it sooner but i i couldn't poor thing how did getting sober affect your relationships it made

01:01:14them so much better jesus christ like just i became a person i was proud of i don't think i

01:01:21was ever a

01:01:22person that i was proud of i don't think i was a friend a businesswoman a girlfriend anything that i

01:01:28was proud of and like that did help so much with makoa and also amari and all my friends where

01:01:33it's like

01:01:33wow i'm doing things with them now that i'm going to remember forever and i'm like it's so meaningful

01:01:39i get to do all these meaningful things and i get to show up for them and i get to

01:01:44like just be this

01:01:45person that i always wanted to be but my traumas were holding me back did it end any relationships for

01:01:53you because you're in la and i'm sure partying was a huge source of relationships for certain dynamics

01:01:59yes i almost felt like i was like an e-network casting director and i was recasting eras of my

01:02:05life i was like you're out you're in you're out like i because you wake up like you wake up

01:02:12and you

01:02:12start seeing your life and it's no longer in black and white and for so long i think that i

01:02:17cared so

01:02:18much it's not that i actively chose to care but i was choosing entertainment value over morality like

01:02:25if you're if you're a good time and we're getting drunk together and whatever like that was as far

01:02:30as it went for me and i don't think that i had the capacity to i was trying to keep

01:02:35myself alive

01:02:36like you know what i mean like so it's like i wasn't caring like i couldn't i didn't have the

01:02:40bandwidth to like really care about morals and all of these people around me and all of these things

01:02:45and i yeah i woke up and i realized i outgrew so much and that's okay you know and it's

01:02:53no bad

01:02:54blood to any of those people it's like i hope you go maybe you need to also maybe get silver

01:02:58and i hope that you also build a beautiful life for yourself but it's not going to be from my

01:03:03living

01:03:03room you know your boyfriend makoa before meeting him you had kind of talked about like unhealthy

01:03:12behaviors that you were obviously so used to in relationships what were some of those that you

01:03:17would maybe tolerate in previous romantic relationships god and shout out to my birth father right

01:03:23yeah um like i i think that i didn't realize this at the time but my childhood made me believe

01:03:33that

01:03:33love was something you had to earn and that love was a roller coaster that like you had in these

01:03:40low

01:03:40moments you were just working for the high ones again and toxic love is so similar to me to addiction

01:03:46to drug addiction because you're like in these lows and you're chasing the next hit of the highs and like

01:03:50whatever and i didn't believe that like someone could love me unless i had to work for it and earn

01:03:57it and it fostered such toxic relationships and attachments and i think that i a lot of unrequited

01:04:04love where i loved people who maybe didn't love me back because i was just so happy to have that

01:04:09like

01:04:09attention or that thing i could fight for or whatever that is and it really wasn't until i met

01:04:14makoa that i realized how my i my ideals towards love were so toxic and the first like year of

01:04:22our

01:04:22relationship was also him patiently sitting beside me while i unlearned a lot of things and had to

01:04:28become a different partner that i had never been before dude that's so real when you have someone who

01:04:34is not used to the toxic but they're able to be patient and a rock enough to like hold the

01:04:42space for you

01:04:43to yes and he's like i'm not going anywhere or like i'm not why why would i do that why

01:04:47are you

01:04:47thinking i would do that and you're like i don't know oh my god and you look back at your

01:04:51past we and

01:04:52and you don't have you are not on speaking terms with either of your parents no okay when and and

01:04:59did

01:04:59that what happened with that lawsuit well that lawsuit was crazy yes i mean i can i've talked about

01:05:04it a decent amount but like it was actually it was funny it was right around the time that you

01:05:09and i did

01:05:10our episode calling daddy episode um i woke up one day to my parents were suing me for slander for

01:05:16what i had said about them on my mtv show and it was just very funny to me because the

01:05:22mtv show

01:05:22to me was like rainbows and butterflies in comparison to what my actual childhood was like i think i

01:05:27detailed maybe negative zero zero zero zero zero point one percent of what my childhood was actually

01:05:32like on that show so for them to be suing me for slander for that i'm like the gall the

01:05:36wherewithal

01:05:36like you know and then they had a pro bono lawyer which meant they had no money which meant that

01:05:41the lawyer you know what i mean only got paid if they won the case so they're they're fighting this

01:05:45huge case and it was the most hands-down traumatizing period of my life it was but it it did

01:05:57reaffirm to me because i think that from the moment i got my first ad sense check that's all i

01:06:00was to

01:06:01them and that money and that's why my 18th birthday was the greatest day of my life because from 15

01:06:06to

01:06:0618 it was just tumultuous fighting for what i had earned and they didn't believe in me they were

01:06:11narcissists to the core so they didn't believe in me at all and were telling me don't make this

01:06:14youtube channel like you're embarrassing why are you doing this whatever and i'm like i'm trying to

01:06:17get out i believe in me you know and then the second i make money it's like she's a star

01:06:21because

01:06:21she's just like us and i'm like no it's i'm trying to be everything that that's but that's

01:06:26narcissism they're sick you know of course and it did reaffirm to me that that was like all

01:06:30they ever wanted was that money and it was able to be a finite point for me because that was

01:06:33the

01:06:33moment that i finally went no contact and where i was like and it wasn't until we were no contact

01:06:38i said i ended up settling in that case though which sucked for me really bad and i was talking

01:06:44about this actually with amari yesterday in the car weirdly because basically i was not mentally

01:06:49strong enough at the time and it was during covid and i will always be very thankful for that

01:06:53because it was all via zoom and i can imagine how much more the trauma would have been had it

01:06:59been

01:06:59in person and i had to face them and i had to call every person and teacher and everyone from

01:07:03my

01:07:03childhood to get them to try to make cases for me and medical subpoenas and all of these things

01:07:07and that it would have gone public and i think that i couldn't have handled that and their lawyers were

01:07:12so awful you know what i mean like like my dad was in the vietnam war and they're sitting there

01:07:16saying like you really think that everyone's gonna believe you who just does stuff reviews over a war

01:07:21veteran do you think that like and then that's the like pain of being like what if no one ever

01:07:25believes me and finally i came to the conclusion with my lawyers that i was gonna kill myself

01:07:31whether intentionally or i just overdosed at that time too like whether intentionally or unintentionally

01:07:37you know i was this it wasn't sustainable for me sanity wise to continue to do it so i had

01:07:44to write

01:07:44them a big fat fucking check and it that hurts in so many ways too because it was everything that

01:07:49i had earned so hard trying to get away from them and like all of those things and you know

01:07:55i look

01:07:55back at those now sometimes with a little bit of regret because me now would fight it me now would

01:07:59fight it but i wasn't me now and i wasn't capable and like you know it is what it is

01:08:03i guess but i'm so

01:08:05sorry though tana because like hearing that it's like knowing where you were at in your life at that

01:08:12point having met you and recorded with you and and everything that you were going through like

01:08:19the fact that you had to write the check in order to walk away it kills you inside because it's

01:08:25almost

01:08:26accepting defeat but it's not it's like just listen to what you just said it allowed you to keep your

01:08:32sanity in your life and you had to get away from those fucking people yes and i had to just

01:08:36stomach

01:08:36that like that's what i was to you you're never going to take accountability and i think i spent so

01:08:40much

01:08:41my life living in this hope that they would wake up one day and take accountability that they would

01:08:46wake up one day and be the parents i wanted them to be and it just wasn't the truth so

01:08:51i think that

01:08:51everything happened for a reason in that way to protect me from it and it is funny even now in

01:08:56this

01:08:56era of life i just spoke to them for the last and final time since then because my birth mother

01:09:03is

01:09:04about to die and that was a big thing it was so interesting across doing brand safe i'm doing all

01:09:10these

01:09:10things that i'm so happy about but i'm going through one of the deepest struggles of my life

01:09:13because no contact is one thing but death is so finite and knowing that we just never got that

01:09:19we will and we never will in this lifetime and we you know but i i worked through that i

01:09:24got a lot of

01:09:25therapy through that i'm worked i'm still working through it actively and it's it is one of those

01:09:29things where it's an unfillable void and i spent so long trying to fill the void with everything

01:09:35los angeles and everywhere else had to offer right and eventually you have to make friends with that

01:09:42void and know that it's always a shadow in the room and you see that you see the parents at

01:09:47the

01:09:47park with their kid and it breaks your heart a little bit or you know you see different things

01:09:51like that makoa was just teaching me how to ride a bike and it ended up bringing up all this

01:09:55trauma for

01:09:56me of like i never got to learn this and it was this big metaphor for my life that i

01:10:00was just robbed

01:10:01from all the things because i was like in writing my book i'm almost noticing that like i had to

01:10:05be

01:10:05an adult and then now i'm getting to be a child it's almost this benjamin button effect of like

01:10:11i had to like raise myself and like figure it all out and i was robbed of a lot but

01:10:15i made peace with

01:10:16it i really you know i'm gonna be a great fucking kick-ass mom you are and i can't wait

01:10:22you also have

01:10:24made so much of yourself and from what it what i know from like the friends that you keep and

01:10:31your

01:10:31boyfriend and the people around you like you there are so many people so proud of you it's very sweet

01:10:36but i understand the feeling of wanting that from your parents like that's like the ultimate feeling

01:10:42when your parents are proud but also recognizing like if they're not capable of seeing how incredible

01:10:47you are and just seeing you as dollar signs and they can go fuck themselves yes and i think

01:10:52and they go for amari's family i mean i don't know where i would be they took me in and

01:10:56they

01:10:57showed me holidays can be a day where you aren't screaming at the top of your lungs and then you

01:11:01know

01:11:01i always say that they have dedicated their lives to adopting me and putting band-aids on the wounds

01:11:07they didn't create effortlessly effortlessly effortlessly with all of the they give all of their

01:11:13time and they you know i'm a steward they they made me understand what it's like to have a mother

01:11:18and a father and siblings and love and that family love is unconditional and i'm just i'm going home

01:11:23for mother's day right after this and it's i'm so grateful for this life like i wouldn't i wouldn't

01:11:28change a damn thing you know and it's it's so impressive what you've built it's also so incredible

01:11:32i think people love seeing you with makoa because you can just feel how light you are in that relationship

01:11:41and i think we obviously have seen a lot of your relationships in the past and the rapper phase and

01:11:48like baby you were never marrying the rapper baby there is no plane

01:11:55like literally no yeah but how do you think makoa and you and like your life like what do you

01:12:01guys

01:12:01talk about for your future because you just said like i'm going to be a great mom one day like

01:12:04have

01:12:05you talked about marriage have you talked about kids like i mean even as i'm talking about all these

01:12:10memories like even as i was saying like as we were just talking about you know not having my parents

01:12:14there to like celebrate or be there for me or anything like i would there i remember there was

01:12:18this night on the cancel tour we where we had just done this show to thousands and thousands of people

01:12:23and we had ended one of the runs and it was our last show and i got back to the

01:12:27hotel room and everyone

01:12:28else is like celebrating and i just got in bed and i sobbed because i was like it's sad to

01:12:34me you know

01:12:35that like that there are moments that like i wish i had like you know that they could have been

01:12:41there

01:12:41and seen this and were capable of that and he would just hold me and like tell me everything is

01:12:45going to be okay and like the way he's extended his incredible huge awesome perfect they're perfect

01:12:52i love them so much his family to me and made me feel like he'll always say that you know

01:12:56what i mean

01:12:57you have family in my family like they love you like their own as well you know and like

01:13:01just even when i had to call and talk to my parents for the last time kind of recently he

01:13:05sat there right beside me and he was sobbing he was sobbing as if it was his own pain i

01:13:10can't really

01:13:10like talk about that one without starting to cry because it's like you love me so deeply and so

01:13:15intrinsically that you are sobbing next to me because you feel the pain for me he is the best

01:13:21man i've ever met and i love him so much like i'm just i'm so excited for our future and

01:13:27our life

01:13:27together i really am like and it's it's very cool just talking about getting married and having

01:13:33babies and how much fun even buster our like foster dog ended up being this crazy like like we've been

01:13:39parenting little buster and like talking about how how different we are in our parenting styles and how

01:13:44those will like come together you know and just like it's very cool and it is funny the second you're

01:13:50in a happy healthy relationship you're like in the grocery store and the checkout person is like

01:13:56when are you getting married like no one can stop and like i think that i just i want to

01:14:00do that all

01:14:00at a point in my life where i can dedicate my life to it i think some people can just

01:14:04pop out kids and

01:14:06catch a vibe and whatever and that's amazing but i think with everything i've been through i'm very

01:14:12i want to be so intentional i want to read every book on parenting i want to know everything because

01:14:16like i will die trying to be the mother that i never had you know and like i just when

01:14:22we're ready

01:14:23we're gonna be so ready tana i'm excited i am so happy for you i just like seeing how you

01:14:30light up

01:14:31and i like with macoa and not even just in the relationship but yourself like how clear-headed

01:14:37you are about also like you do deserve to be selfish in this new phase of your life like you

01:14:45do deserve to

01:14:46just enjoy it enjoy your boyfriend enjoy your life enjoy your new podcast enjoy all the things peace

01:14:51peace a whole lot of peace like just have peace quiet grass trees yeah nature hawaii yes like you

01:15:00deserve it because you've been through the fucking mud in a lot of ways literally and i think that

01:15:06you've done i think you've done such an incredible job the way that you've handled yourself and i i agree

01:15:12it's like i know that everything you have done on the internet isn't perfect

01:15:16i have not been perfect either but what you have made of what you were given and what you have

01:15:22now

01:15:22come to be like i think that's why also people fucking love you so much it's like we've seen

01:15:27every version and this brand safe era it couldn't be less boring like we're i'm thrilled i'm like what's

01:15:34she gonna do like thank you so much it's really cool to see you in this era thank you so

01:15:39so so much

01:15:40for saying that because that's the thing is i think i'll always be unfiltered and all of these

01:15:43things and i'm so excited to have so much fun in this era but it is just it is different

01:15:47like even

01:15:48right now as we're talking i'm just thinking about all of these different things you know i did make

01:15:52all the mistakes i think i had to learn morality my own way and a lot later i definitely like

01:15:58did a lot of crazy stuff but like that's why i'm so thankful for all of the eras because this

01:16:03is the

01:16:03first time in my life where i am gonna sit down and i want to help the girlies in every

01:16:07single way

01:16:07you know to just be like with whatever cards you are dealt that's what brand safe means to me

01:16:12is that you can wake up at any point and you can decide that you want to be different and

01:16:17perceive differently and just like and you can do that as a woman because i think people are so

01:16:21uncomfortable when a woman evolves it means like oh so the other version of you was fake i experienced

01:16:26that so much when it was like i didn't want to talk about sex forever and then people are like

01:16:30oh so was that or this and it's like wait but what if both can be true yes what if

01:16:34the party era

01:16:36of tana was so who she was and now she's ready to evolve and change and isn't that the goal

01:16:41of

01:16:41life yes and it's such a societal pressure towards women to feel like once you've sat in one bucket

01:16:46that you must croak in that same bucket and it's just it's not a fact and it's not true and

01:16:53i'm so

01:16:53excited to just like continue to hammer that message in and yeah call her daddy is brought to you by

01:17:01haagen-dazs daddy gang i think we all deserve a little more me time whether it's work school or

01:17:08whatever is bringing you down it's so important to take a second to slow down and treat yourself and

01:17:13lately my favorite way to do this is with some rich smooth creamy ice cream and none better than

01:17:20haagen-dazs you guys you have to try their cherry dark chocolate bar let me just tell you something

01:17:26okay picture rich cherry ice cream with some tart cherry ribbons all covered in a thick layer of

01:17:33dark chocolate yes it's the kind of thing you don't want to just eat but you like literally

01:17:37experience okay usually i'm the type to just like crush a dessert in two seconds but this oh girls i'm

01:17:43taking my time i'm like savor every bite haagen-dazs is just one of those things that's meant to be

01:17:49savored i've literally been eating haagen-dazs since i came out of the womb my entire family has always

01:17:54had it stocked in our fridge it'd be like movie night boom sit down get our haagen-dazs and now

01:17:59the cherry dark chocolate bar it's always in my hand okay it is just the perfect sweet treat that i

01:18:04just can't get enough of it's my go-to treat at the end of a long work day so take

01:18:09your sweet time

01:18:10that's da's available at retailers nationwide episode one is out now a brand safe

01:18:18how does it feel to start this new project ip yeah era like all of it i think it's so

01:18:29cool because

01:18:29i've been saying this to everyone like in in our internal meetings we're like this is the first time

01:18:34in my life we're like if this shit gets seven views i'm stoked on the seven girlies who still care

01:18:42what i have to say and like i said i'm getting on a plane to hawaii and like it's just

01:18:47it's going to

01:18:48be so great to just sit there and like look at what we've done and i'm so grateful for my

01:18:55team i cannot

01:18:56stress that enough so much changed across these past six months where i wanted girls and gays only i

01:19:03wanted women i wanted no man in power we have kyle he's our only straight and we love it's the

01:19:07girls

01:19:07gays and kyle but just i'm so proud of these people i look at all of them and i'm like

01:19:11i

01:19:11wouldn't be able to do this without you and i'm so inspired by you so i'm so grateful to be

01:19:16working

01:19:16with like such good honest people that i crafted from all of these different eras of my life and

01:19:21like got to have them together and i'm just like genuinely so deeply grateful that there is a girl out

01:19:27there somewhere who sees herself in me whether that's the parents whether that's the sobriety whether

01:19:32that's the thousand million eras and lives and lore and crazy girl to maybe a little less crazy girl

01:19:38pipeline that like are supporting me and want to listen i'm just it is overwhelming gratitude i think

01:19:45my team is like tana stop thanking us like that every day i'm like i'm just so grateful for like

01:19:51what this

01:19:51is and gets to be you know i think that it's such a testament also to just how lovely it

01:19:59is to grow up

01:20:01like as women we're like so scared to not be in our early 20s and like be this like youthful

01:20:08little

01:20:09thing and i'm so happy i'm not there anymore oh my god you couldn't you couldn't pay me a billion

01:20:15dollars you couldn't like there's nothing to get me to go back to being any version i think that step

01:20:21one to accepting aging as a woman is watching sex in the city because they are the perfect perfect

01:20:27example that you can throw on a cunty manolo balonic and continue to thrive with more wisdom

01:20:32as you get older and it's so cool to like have you to use all of the experience because that's

01:20:38what

01:20:38your early 20s are for falling down and getting up a thousand times being an absolute idiot moron

01:20:43and making a million mistakes and dating the gremlins and being too drunk and like all those things but

01:20:48like it's so cool and it's not always easy i think 27 for me was a huge year of feeling

01:20:54anxious and you know transforming from one version of myself into another and like it was the first

01:21:00time in my life that i did feel so much insecurity and all of those things you know like but

01:21:05now that

01:21:05i'm here it's like i i'm so grateful like it's such a testament i agree to just like everything i

01:21:12feel

01:21:12like we talked about today was starting this on two women going to lunch together and being so

01:21:22open in a way that again i think we couldn't have been in our early 20s with each other like

01:21:27i think

01:21:27we said that a million times at lunch being like oh my god like i i can't imagine us having

01:21:32this level

01:21:33of depth and conversation together and i think it took time and i think that's to anyone watching

01:21:39because i know i have like very young listeners and then i have older listeners like we have gen z

01:21:44and millennial here it's like it is so fun in your early 20s but also if you're in the trenches

01:21:48and

01:21:48you're feeling like fucking shit right now just know no guys we are telling you it gets so good like

01:21:53it gets so good like i'm not not to brag but it gets so much better it really does and

01:21:59so like

01:21:59enjoy it but don't be stressed don't be stressed yes and just like the mistakes and all of those

01:22:05things like i can't stress to people enough in your early 20s you have to give yourself such an

01:22:10immense amount of grace because like you were like low-key just a child like you're just figure

01:22:15you're figuring shit out i made every possible mistake i was so many versions of myself that i

01:22:20wasn't proud of and i would beat myself up for and everything but like the grace is so important

01:22:24because all of those lessons were so tangible and like now they are all so applicable to the life

01:22:29that i'm living and that i the life that i feel at home in and but like why do like

01:22:33the 22 year olds

01:22:34like not have the like hair issues that we had alex cooper i everything we were we were really

01:22:41figuring it all out silver purple hair i showed up to your home no and i'm saying this to myself

01:22:48i'm

01:22:48not i think that you looked beautiful but like put the purple shampoo down and mine would always be

01:22:53like that the extensions would go super purple and then the other hair was like this weird brown

01:22:59gray the tracks in my head it was so bad we couldn't figure it out but now all these 22

01:23:05year olds

01:23:05they're like they fully have hair they all the 22 year olds have hair what is the bit jack jack

01:23:11is

01:23:11that his name i was jack jack for literally years of my life like being bald is not a cabbage

01:23:16patch kid

01:23:17it looks like a little dingy and then just tracks tracks tracks i'm so grateful that we figured out

01:23:22our tones i really think this is your tone thank you i knew i'd get it i feel like we

01:23:27figured out

01:23:28we went a little darker and i was fighting that like the plague like oh my god it's like i

01:23:33could

01:23:33have posted a tiktok with like a toe missing and someone would have been like well this would be

01:23:37easier if you were brunette and i was like i was fighting it so hard and like they had a

01:23:41point

01:23:42it looks phenomenal i love you i am so happy we did this tana i'm so happy we did this

01:23:48too and i just

01:23:49can't thank you enough alex it like i said this in the beginning of this episode but right now as

01:23:54i'm doing so much of this press it would have been so easy for you to sit down and it

01:23:59would have gotten

01:23:59the clicks and all of the things to try to flip or spin some narrative or make something and like

01:24:04i'm just so grateful that like you really wanted to sit down and just have a conversation

01:24:08like woman to woman about like the things we want to talk about and treating me like a person

01:24:13and not just a headline and that goes back to our intention versus attention and like i just i'm

01:24:19beyond grateful for this conversation what i did say to you and we can end on this also it's like

01:24:26it is so hard to be a woman in this industry and i am not complaining we are so beyond

01:24:31privileged it's

01:24:31fucking insane but it is fucking hard to sustain a career as a woman in this industry that is just

01:24:37a

01:24:37fact and i think that we have the platform to spread such an important message to all of the women

01:24:43out there who are dealing with all of the intricacies of just being a woman completely

01:24:47and i also think it's like we in positions of power or whatever considering like where you look

01:24:53at it from we both are saying like no guys we've i have it is fucking hard so i can

01:24:58only imagine how

01:24:59many other women are going through this at many different levels yeah but i do think that something

01:25:04i really took from our lunch and this was like it's so nice to have a friend in this industry

01:25:10but it

01:25:10is so nice to have someone that you're like oh you're gonna be around for forever tana i fucking

01:25:14know it and bitch i'm planning on it too so why not cockroach energy cockroach energy ride together

01:25:20and lift each other up and be like i got you whatever you need and i think that had we

01:25:24tried

01:25:25to form a friendship in different eras the intentions would have been different it would have been like

01:25:29people love these views and like at least for me and like all of these things and like i would

01:25:33have

01:25:33been fucking no showing shit and late and drunk and hammered and now it's all the things yes exactly

01:25:38like it's just it is so beautiful to foster a pure beautiful like new start for us and i i

01:25:45love this

01:25:46new start i kind of love this too yeah okay brand safe out now go binge her it's gonna be

01:25:53every

01:25:53saturday yes come hell or high water she's not going away i will be consistent tana mojo i love you

01:26:01thank you for coming on color daddy thank you so so much for having me alex cooper so good

01:26:05you

01:26:07you

01:26:17you

01:26:18you

01:26:20you

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