00:00My friend Esther said it's just like grandmother's cooking and if this is
00:03anything like grandmother's cooking in Korea I need to like go back and find
00:07another grandmother.
00:12Hi, I'm Melissa Yang here at Borikgogye in Kechan, Los Angeles and this is
00:16Fam Style with Kristin Kish.
00:24Oh my gosh.
00:27Wow.
00:29These are banchan, which are side dishes.
00:32For the people that don't know.
00:33Yeah, I mean I think people tend to think that banchan are just sort of like side dishes that you
00:37just get for free at Korean barbecue.
00:39But in reality like this is what a home-cooked Korean meal is.
00:44I'm so nervous using chopsticks like on camera.
00:46I need to chill out.
00:47We're living our best life.
00:48Holy crap.
00:49This is awesome.
00:51What was this?
00:52It's like a jeanjang stew.
00:54Okay.
00:54But there's a more potent version of jeanjang called jeonggukjang which is what that is.
01:00So I think like natto, it's almost like that level of like stinky.
01:30Bonk.
01:30But there's something in me that remembers what it was to be surrounded by people eating it, I'm sure.
01:36But when I just tasted this braised cabbage, it tasted exactly like sour cabbage leaves which is what my Hungarian
01:42German grandmother would make her cabbage rolls out of.
01:45And so it's always fun to find that bridging gap of different cultures and different cuisines and different even points
01:51in my life.
01:52Being able to create food for people and my guests at the restaurant is always just finding that one little
01:57thing.
01:58Spices transcend all over the, you know, obviously the spice trade across the world which is, it's really fun when
02:04something like that happens.
02:05Can you talk to me a little bit about what it was like growing up in the Midwest because your
02:09upbringing isn't, I don't want to say typical, but it's definitely, certainly unique.
02:14So I was adopted when I was four months old.
02:16So I flew from Korea to Detroit, Michigan and then was driven across the state to the city that I
02:21was brought up in.
02:22Like I always knew that I was adopted.
02:23There are so many knowns for me, but none of it ever felt so different that I felt uncomfortable.
02:28I think it was probably because my school was incredibly multicultural and incredibly diverse.
02:33There were other Korean adoptees that lived nearby that I was friends with.
02:36I don't think it was until much later on in my life.
02:39Quite frankly, when I started grappling with my identity as queer, that's when things started to feel a little bit
02:46more uncomfortable.
02:47I never felt uncomfortable about being Asian. I felt more uncomfortable about being gay.
02:51I was a Korean kid. I was adopted. This was my family.
02:53Yeah.
02:54So it didn't feel odd at all.
02:57Phenomenal.
03:00I ate a lot of different things in Korea.
03:02But when we went into the market, this was one of the first stops that we made.
03:06Wait, so tell me a little bit more about this trip to Korea.
03:08Because I know we were talking a little bit about it before.
03:10You said it was kind of like a mixed sort of experience.
03:12I was in the middle of doing press for two shows.
03:14Right in between those two trips, another show that I was working on asked me if I would go to
03:19do this collaboration with Netflix Korea and Netflix America.
03:23I was so scared to go to Korea for work for the first time,
03:26because I thought I had to go and really immerse myself and do this whole personal journey.
03:31And something kept nagging at me.
03:33The last time I had been to Korea was when I was born there, when I was four months old.
03:36And what that trip did for me is it was a little bit complicated when I first got there because
03:40I thought I was supposed to feel all these things.
03:42I thought I was supposed to feel like this wave of emotion of, oh my God, I'm home.
03:47I thought I was supposed to look out into the world of Korean people and feel like I belong.
03:53Like this was a pilgrimage of something.
03:55Yeah.
03:55But it didn't happen.
03:56I felt more like a tourist and a visitor, which I certainly was and am.
04:00But I felt guilty for not feeling those feelings.
04:02And so it took me like a couple of days to understand that I can't force myself to feel anything.
04:07And by me not feeling anything doesn't mean that I have any less respect for where I come from.
04:12I need time to discover it.
04:15And there was one moment we found our way to this like stamp hand carving stamp maker.
04:20And there was this tiny little shop.
04:21And so I got in there and I was like, well, what do I want?
04:24I was like, you know what?
04:25I'm going to get my Korean name.
04:26But when we were in there, the guy asked me what it was.
04:30I kind of gave him the sped up version.
04:31I was adopted, four months old.
04:32You know, it's my first time back, whatever.
04:35And I got like somewhat emotional and I was like feeling self-conscious to tell the story because I didn't
04:40want to feel like I was being judged.
04:42He said, you belong here.
04:47Like this man that I had no idea who he was.
04:50Yeah.
04:50And he just, he was carving my name and he said that.
04:53And it was just, that for me was the moment of the trip.
04:57I didn't consciously leave it out of the book, but I wanted to protect it for me.
05:01Yeah.
05:01And to tell the story on how I wanted to tell the story now, which is on Refinery29 for the
05:06very first time.
05:06Thank you for sharing that story.
05:08No, I'm just getting over food.
05:10Well, I just really appreciate you, you know, feeling safe enough to share that with us.
05:14And I think that's beautiful.
05:15And I think it really just goes back to what we were talking about of feeling like enough.
05:21In a various different ways, whether it's at your job, in your relationships, with your friends, with your family.
05:26And I think when it comes to your identity, the idea of feeling like enough can feel so core because
05:31it's who you are, that validation.
05:32I can only imagine like what that.
05:34From this older Korean man.
05:35I can understand the perspective of sitting between different cultures, different identities.
05:40But I feel like the weight of like being among people that look like you, that must be a lot.
05:46It is and it isn't at the same time because my parents are the only parents that I know.
05:52My mom and my dad have those titles because they raised me.
05:55They taught me my core values.
05:57Like I even have a hard time saying my biological mother and father because they're not my mother and father.
06:01I feel a curiosity of knowing who they are, but I don't feel a hole of not knowing who they
06:06are.
06:07Because growing up, I'm sure you've heard, oh, you have your mother's eyes or your father's nose or whatever.
06:12I never heard that.
06:13Yeah.
06:14But at least I like I did hear like I have the same values as my mom and my dad,
06:19which, you know, obviously are equally, if not more important than what you look like.
06:24Why did you write a memoir?
06:25Like what was the moment right now that made you realize, hey, this is a good time for me to
06:30reflect back and write about my life.
06:32For me, the book was all about being able to just tell my story, not to show how unique or
06:37different I was.
06:38You don't have to be a Korean gay adoptee, a chef who's now hosting television to relate to my book.
06:44Are you someone that knows what it feels like to feel like an outsider or to feel insecure about where
06:50you come from and who you are?
06:51These are all universal things that I feel like at some point in our lives, we have all felt.
06:56I kind of talk about how I took all those different moments of my life and made them work for
07:00me along the course of like a lot of happy accidents.
07:03And so through all of my accidents in life and all of the missteps and the challenges and the celebrations,
07:09I have leaned into finding exactly what that purpose is.
07:12Even if it's 10 years later and I look back on my life, then for me that is something that
07:17brings me a lot of confidence and assurance that I am on the right path.
07:21And I hope that people enjoy it.
07:22All right.
07:22Buy it now.
07:27I feel like I need to know more before I start cooking this food for people that are going to
07:33pay for it.
07:33There's a little bit of a balance with me with fear and intimidation when it comes to Korean food, Korean
07:40culture.
07:40I made a promise to myself that I was at least going to start trying and putting more effort into
07:46it.
07:46Best way for me to do that is through food and to have people teach me about my Korean-ness
07:51through the things that I eat.
07:52Maybe one day I'll have a Korean restaurant.
07:54A Korean cookbook?
07:55Korean restaurant.
07:56Okay.
07:56I don't like writing cookbooks.
07:58Let's try the crab.
07:59We need to try this.
08:00Okay.
08:00I'm a big fan of using the gloves.
08:01Well, I didn't even see the gloves.
08:02Please teach me.
08:03Okay.
08:03So typically it's like a Dungeness raw marinated crab.
08:06When you marinate something in high acid or salt, it helps preserve it.
08:09Yes, it's raw.
08:10Yeah.
08:11But it's not raw.
08:13We need a moment for it.
08:14Okay.
08:17Oh my God.
08:18That.
08:18I can communicate like that way.
08:20I feel like...
08:21This is delicious.
08:22And then it's like, how much does this cost?
08:24I'm gonna say, this is delicious.
08:29Masi is like taste.
08:31Masi is like, taste.
08:31And the rest is like, just...
08:33Soya.
08:33Soya.
08:34Yeah.
08:34Masi soya.
08:35Masi soya.
08:37I know that she heard you.
08:39She didn't hear you.
08:40She didn't hear you.
08:40I'll see it later.
08:41Are there certain foods that you would prefer you don't eat or you don't like?
08:46I'm not a big salmon person.
08:47I really strongly dislike smoked salmon.
08:50I strongly dislike lamb.
08:53All these foods I will eat if presented to me on Top Chef.
08:57And I can objectively eat them.
08:58Right.
08:58So lamb and salmon are the two big ones.
09:00But I do have an allergy to halibut.
09:02Like I break out in hives.
09:03You have one more piece, sir.
09:04Oh.
09:05I didn't miss that.
09:06I have to ask you, Kristen.
09:07What eyeliner do you use?
09:09My makeup artist did it.
09:10Shout out Alyssa.
09:12She uses the Bobbi Brown eyeliner.
09:15I can do it, but I can't do it as good as she does.
09:17As I've gotten older, I'm like, do I need to change my makeup?
09:20I think whatever makes you feel the best.
09:22That's what you do.
09:23That's kind of where I landed too.
09:25Whatever people say and the trends and things.
09:28Yeah.
09:28Also don't tell me I can't wear an ankle sock.
09:31Or Gen Z, whatever generation that is.
09:33I will wear an ankle sock if I want to wear an ankle sock.
09:36Oh, this is dessert?
09:38Okay, cool.
09:39It's corn.
09:39This is red bean with corn.
09:42Red bean, corn.
09:43Just maybe like cooked down with sugar?
09:44Mm-hmm.
09:44There's like mochi in here too, I think.
09:46Oh, you commit it.
09:47Oh.
09:48No?
09:48Do whatever you want.
09:49I never commit a full bite.
09:50Mm.
09:51What if it's too sweet?
09:53It's not.
09:56Not too sweet.
09:57Not too sweet.
09:57I love it because it's not too sweet.
09:58You're obviously promoting your book.
10:00You're obviously promoting Top Chef.
10:02Uh-huh.
10:02What is next for you though?
10:03What's all that wrapped?
10:04I have my restaurant in Austin, continuing on the book tour,
10:07and I have two secret things that I can't say yet.
10:09Ooh.
10:10Yeah.
10:10Can you tease anything about it?
10:12Is it something different for you in the same sort of world?
10:14Same, same, but different.
10:16Okay.
10:16I'm looking at my manager.
10:19This was outstanding.
10:20Yeah.
10:21I would absolutely come back.
10:22I'm gonna practice my Korean.
10:24I'm gonna stretch my stomach a little bit more,
10:26and come back and get exactly what we just had,
10:29because everything really was just outstanding.
10:32Kristen, thank you so much for eating here with us.
10:34Everybody, please make sure to follow and subscribe down here,
10:37and yeah.
10:39You say it's delicious again.
10:41Mashisoyo.
10:42Mashisoyo.
10:43Kamsamira.
10:43Yeah.
10:44Did I say it right?
10:45Yeah.
10:45Okay.
10:45Cut.
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