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00:05What are you two kids doing? Are you getting on? Are you becoming best friends? Are you
00:10becoming friends now? Hopefully. Oh look, no, this is so sweet. Okay. That didn't work. That'll
00:18be enough of that. No, I don't like that this guy's trying to tell me how to eat my dinner.
00:36A what? Foot fetish. I had no idea that was a thing. Remove my britches. Expose your
00:42loins. I like that. Oh, Ronnie. This is weird. Gee, he's a mercenary bugger, isn't he? This
00:50is why I don't date. That is Dyson the Devil. Oh, no. He suffers for his heart, doesn't
00:56he? Clearly. A Bentley Continental. I think I'd rather call it a day, wouldn't you? Who's
01:02been arrested now and for what? In the week Sir David Attenborough celebrated his 100th
01:09birthday, we enjoyed lots of great telly. Channel 4 had handy hacks from Mr. Oliver. Just grab
01:18yourself some rosemary, thyme or sage. Make a little herb brush. That's fun. A herb brush.
01:25A herb brush? Yeah. Okay. So next time the police stop you, you can tell them it's a herb, it's
01:30a herb, bro. I often say it's my herb, bro. They were trying out chat-up lines on E4.
01:38How old are you? 31. Why do I always get the young ones? I like it.
01:43So what do you think is flirting? Because you're flirty, but you're also not a very tactile
01:48person. Yeah. So flirty doesn't involve being tactile. Truth of the matter is I had a lot
01:58of sex appeal. I know I did because that was my problem really. And BBC2 had Michael Portillo
02:06back on track. I'm returning to Seoul city centre and next to the modern main railway station.
02:13Do you know what I always find crazy? Is that there's always pigeons in a train station.
02:19Yeah, but they love it. Why? That is like their wine bar.
02:30In home. I'll just have to ring Ray. Why? He's cutting his hair. He's cutting his own hair?
02:36Yeah, yeah. Get him on the phone. Hello. Hi, Jen. Hiya, love. Hello. Hiya. Have you done your hair yet?
02:42Yeah. Best friends Jenny and Lee. I've got some tubs at the bottom, but I can't get them
02:47out. You'll have to do it. Ray, I won't let her near them. Ray, I won't let her near it.
02:54You'll just have to stand with your back to the wall so nobody can see it. No, I'll put
02:58my collar up.
03:04On Tuesday night, our favourite chap in Chinos was on the rails again on BBC2.
03:10Portillo. Oh, Portillo. Do you know Michael Portillo? Yeah, he wears those nice trousers.
03:14Do you know that Auntie Margaret watches Michael Portillo repeats? I know. All the time.
03:19Yes. And when you go round, she pauses it. Yeah. Don't want you talking while Michael's on.
03:24No, she doesn't.
03:26South Korea by rail.
03:29The country doesn't know a lot about Korea.
03:30No, me. I'd be much more comfortable in South Korea than North Korea. Oh, yeah.
03:36These trains are capable of more than 200 MPH. It's like your M62, that. Well, you wouldn't
03:43see notes, would you? 200 mile an hour. The opportunity to explore one of the world's
03:50most successful countries. I've actually never been to Asia and I'd love to go. To Asia at all?
03:57I've never been to Asia. Oh, my God. I've been to Thailand 10 times. Creepy.
04:04I actually saw him near the ice cream shack at the top of town. Did you? Yeah. Yeah. What was
04:09he doing? Having an ice cream. Nice. You know, back in the old days, Amani, when I used to be
04:15into
04:15K-pop, like, way more than I am now. Yeah, you had your K-pop club as well. Yeah, I
04:19had my K-pop
04:20club. I had my K-drama club as well. There were two different things, even though people thought it was
04:24the
04:24same thing. I would make them sign up to different things, you know, just so I can keep it going,
04:29the momentum. Wow. I got so many people into it, honestly. Like, it was a cult for me. Yeah,
04:34you took it too seriously. It was like a cult for me and I was their leader.
04:39In the programme, Michael had made it all the way to Seoul and the headquarters of tech giant Samsung.
04:46The company's latest gadgets and innovations are tested in a full-size model smart home. Come on,
04:53I'm into this already. I know. What? We got smart labels, it was the worst thing I ever did,
04:58I got them taken down. I'm taking a tour with manager Tay Lee. Well, that's smart,
05:05thumbprint, thumbprint at the door. Save you losing your keys all the time, wouldn't it? So,
05:10the home knows that I'm home and I like it nice and bright in my home when I arrive,
05:15so the curtains will open. Come on! This is your dream, isn't it? I don't, I hate opening curtains,
05:24how you pull them off. So, these devices that are connected, they connect with each other
05:29and they communicate. I could have a conversation with all my furniture. You do now? Could I?
05:34Because you talk to my, you talk to my fucking wardrobes. My worry is that they might all
05:38suddenly want to attack you. So, pin you to the ground and suffocate you. This is a refrigerator,
05:45but looking more like a television than a fridge. What? So, you can do everything you can with a
05:51tablet, for example. Like, I'm going to stand at the front of the fridge typing up an email. That's the
05:58my fridge. It just doesn't work, does it? What? Watch even movies here. Why would you want to?
06:06Who's going to go and stand at the fridge and watch a film? It's just, I guess, if you were
06:10watching a
06:10film on your sofa and you thought, I'll go to the fridge. Yeah. They would start showing the same
06:15film. It would come towards me and electrocute me. In the fridge, we have a camera built in. What?
06:23And it will manage what you have inside your fridge for you. The fridge is going to judge you.
06:27Are you bothered about what a fridge thinks? When somebody hacks it and you're there at three
06:31in the morning with your knob hanging out, getting a block of cheese, they've got you. It bangs their
06:36eyes. It will give me a recipe recommendation based on what I like. That is insane. Well, it's not
06:41going to make much with the one apple and a few grapes in there, is it? Yeah, it's going to
06:44say,
06:44you should go takeaway. Yeah. As well as suggesting what you might enjoy for lunch,
06:49the smart house can help you to cook it. Ideal. Fucking ideal. I think this is a very
06:56good recipe to start with. Hang on a minute. It's cooking pot noodle. That's a great recipe.
07:00We're cooking pot noodles. I'm going to hand you my phone. Mm-hmm.
07:04All you need to do is scan the barcode right here. I do that with my Slimming World app.
07:09It tells me how many swips. Tap on the phone where it says send to water purifier. This is bloody
07:15clever,
07:16isn't it? By the time you've fanned on your phone doing all this, you could have just actually cooked
07:23your noodles. Place it here. Just push down on the lever. I thought it was going to have a sensor
07:28on
07:28that tap. You put it under and the water comes out. I haven't got time to impressing buttons. So,
07:33you don't have to worry about how much water you need to add for this recipe. It will automatically
07:37do it for you. Oh, I do like that. That is insane. You've got a jug, you've got a plastic
07:43jug in the
07:44kitchen for that. How about I cut about four million with that tap? Oh, shut up.
07:52Smells great. Say goodbye to overcooked noodles. Oh, look at them chopsticks. They're a bit fancy,
08:00aren't they? It's been great to cook with you, Tay, and with your wonderful new technology. My pleasure.
08:06Like, even I could make a pot noodle. Jesus Christ. What's going to happen in another two
08:12generations? What's going to happen? You're going to be marrying robots to see who can do the best
08:17grub? You won't have to bother, love. No, I won't. I'm glad I won't. I can't guarantee that if I
08:23was to
08:23then get the noodles out of the pant, I wouldn't be having to get me bachelor to scrape the noodle
08:28off
08:28the bottom of the pant. Your bachelor? What's it called, the thing with the...? A spatula.
08:42A fucking bachelor!
08:48In Wiltshire... I think my birthday's been and gone nutty, but I think I may have found my
08:53metier as a children's entertainer. To have bought you that balloon kit.
08:58There's something frightening about it. I think it's terrifying.
09:02Giles and his wife, Mary. Oh, my goodness, Mary. Isn't that amazing?
09:07I've never had anything like this. It's given me more satisfaction than almost anything else
09:12on my birthday, apart from that lovely Pollock.
09:15On Wednesday night, the maths newlyweds were facing their final task of the experiment on E4.
09:22OK, let's have a look at the attention seekers. Maths Australia, what's been going on? Are you up
09:27to date? Oh, I'm absolutely loving it. Balls deep in maths. During the matchmaking process,
09:34there was more than one person that our participants were compatible with.
09:38This is when they put in the, um... People they might have matched with.
09:41The tempts. Yeah, the temptresses. The participants' alternate matches joined
09:45the boys and girls for a special lunch. I love a little this-is-what-you-could-have-had
09:50moment on these kind of shows. Scott and David refused to participate.
09:56Oh, why? They decided not to participate. Boring bastards. Happy.
09:59I mean, it's all right to have a little chat. It's not that deep. You're not cheating, are you?
10:04No. Just because you've already chosen what you're eating,
10:06doesn't mean you can't still look at the menu. As Alyssa got curious about her match...
10:11Do you have any tattoos? I can't show you where, though.
10:13Do you want to drop your pants? Yeah.
10:16Whoa!
10:18It's never a good sign when one walks away from the temptation,
10:21and the other one is going, why don't you drop your pants? Alarm bells.
10:28What would Nat actually do if you did flirt with someone else? I actually don't think he'd
10:32even do anything. Oh, exactly. He's like, he and me have her. Yeah? She's a fucking nightmare!
10:40Wow. There's a letter and there's two flipping iPads. OK, we're definitely watching something.
10:46Do you think they're going to watch how it all went? Yeah, of course they are. Of course they are.
10:51They're not going to watch Emmerdale, are they? Take an iPad and watch the video
10:55separately, then come back together to debrief. Oh, brutal.
11:00Well, this could be a white old rouse, Simon. I love it. There's nothing wrong with networking
11:06with people. Networking. Networking. Get your pants off. Get your pants off.
11:10That's one way of putting it, isn't it? She's really branded flirting as networking.
11:15Yeah, I like her style. As David heads to the bedroom, Alyssa begins watching back how the
11:21grooms went at the final test. Well, her video's going to be short, isn't it? Yeah.
11:26All you're going to hear is David crying in the bedroom.
11:30You know, it's lovely to meet you, but I don't feel like I can't engage. You know what I'm saying?
11:34Like, I'm strapped. Oh, fair play. Yeah, David said he's strapped up. Yeah, he had to tap out or
11:39he was going to get in trouble. Yeah. I'd expect nothing more from you, Steve.
11:43I wouldn't have even gone in there. Well, I'm pleased you said that.
11:50Oh, he's logging in now. Press blue. He is not going to be happy.
11:55Is the girl's greener?
11:57What did she say? Is the girl's greener?
12:01Already? Oh, my God. She's like, oh, my God, let's experiment.
12:08Oh, he didn't like that. David didn't like that comment.
12:12How are we all? Hi. I thought I'm married at first sight.
12:15This is Victoria's Secret. Oh, he's a charmer. He's got his line.
12:19That was so cringe. That really was, but I bet you she was like, oh, my God.
12:24How old are you? 31. Why do I always get the young ones? I like it.
12:29Alyssa's flirting. No, she's not working.
12:32What's your star sign? Ooh, you'll have steam coming out of your shoes now shortly.
12:36Dave, you can see it coming off. Do you have any tattoos?
12:39Yeah, I can't show you where that. Whereabouts?
12:41Is it on your arse? Drop your pants? Yeah. Oh, wow.
12:45Drop your pants. Is it on your arse? You haven't even had a drink yet.
12:48Let me do some squats first, so it looks like... Is it on your arse?
12:52David's not laughing or smiling. You find it is funny. What's the matter with him?
12:55It's just fun. It's just a joke.
12:57It's just a joke. Are you done? Oh, aye. I'm done.
13:02Aye, well done, lady. Stick your fork in me. I'm done.
13:06I think that was hilarious, but I was also like, why did you just leave?
13:10Like, why did you walk away? Why did you walk away?
13:12Because now I've got nothing to pull you up off. Yeah.
13:14I can't even rip you, Lim, from Lim, because you've done the right thing.
13:17You've done the honourable thing. Did you know that it was to find out
13:21whether the grass was greener? Yeah, of course. She cheesed to it.
13:24She knows exactly what she was doing. Those guys walked in and said
13:28what they were here for, so I know it wasn't a networking event.
13:31I'm not saying it's networking. I'm saying it's...
13:33Treat it like when you go to events and talk to people.
13:35When you asked him what his star sign was... Oh, not the star sign.
13:38Take my eyes, but don't find out his star sign.
13:41That's where you draw the line. Yeah.
13:42She found out his star sign, for God's sake.
13:45You know, you made the joke about, drop your jocks.
13:48Drop your jocks.
13:50It's a joke.
13:51I get that, but like, you know, to hear that and then you...
13:54Lighten up, David. Lighten up, David.
13:57I see. Telling someone to lighten up in that mood...
14:00That's not going to work, honey.
14:01Fuels of the fire. Oh, my God.
14:03I'm just lighting up. Lighten up.
14:05I don't want to even continue this conversation.
14:07I'm just going to walk up, because that's how I feel.
14:10Oh, the flowers.
14:11Oh, he's walking out. Oh, shit, man.
14:14If you're done, don't worry, I'm done too.
14:18Oh!
14:19Is it over?
14:20When she says done, does she mean that's it? Over?
14:23That's it. End of.
14:24End of experiment.
14:25End of relationship.
14:26End of marriage.
14:27Kaput.
14:28No, I deserve more than that.
14:31Oh, his ring!
14:33Oh!
14:33Not on the bellhop thing.
14:37I won't give it back.
14:38I'd keep it and put it in pawn shop.
14:41I'm done too. Here you go.
14:44Fuck off!
14:46They're both done.
14:48Oh!
14:49Oh, how childish.
14:50What I hope she does is tries and goes back into the apartment
14:53and slam the door when it's one of those soft closers,
14:56you know, like at a hotel so it doesn't slam.
14:58Fuck you!
14:59Oh!
15:08In Durham...
15:09We didn't realise this when we were going to Scotland,
15:11but we put it on the sat-nav.
15:13And originally it said five hours and I thought,
15:15oh, that's a long time.
15:16And then we'd put it on the morning we were leaving
15:18and it said five hours forty.
15:20Five hours forty!
15:22Best friends, Abby and Georgia.
15:25And did you have to show your passports as well?
15:28No.
15:29Passports?
15:30Well, because you're going into another country.
15:33We crossed the border.
15:34We didn't show a passport.
15:35There wasn't border control.
15:38You crossed the border.
15:40Yeah.
15:40Because really, you go to Spain, you go to another country.
15:43You go to Scotland, you go to another country.
15:45You go to Wales, you go to another country.
15:47But I don't know.
15:50No-one asked me for my passport.
15:53I tell you what, though, while we were there,
15:56I did ask Josh what the time was back home.
16:00On Saturday night, BGT was still on the hunt for top-notch talent.
16:05Hey, we've got a semi on, so...
16:07Oh, no.
16:07Had a nice couple of drinks there.
16:10BGT.
16:11I've got you some grapes.
16:12And I've got you some strawberries.
16:15Where's the real snacks?
16:16I've got you some rocky roads.
16:18Oh, that's not like it.
16:22Are they ever going to change the start of this?
16:24Never.
16:25It just makes me think we're in a recession.
16:27Yeah.
16:28We are.
16:30I'm Alfredo.
16:31I'm Corayne.
16:32We are husband and wife, and...
16:34We perform together.
16:36Oh, you know who this is?
16:38The crossbow.
16:40Yes, I get...
16:41Oof.
16:42I know it's dangerous.
16:43I wouldn't trust you with a crossbow.
16:47I wouldn't aim a crossbow at you, Shil.
16:50We met on my birthday party.
16:51We started to talk.
16:52I told her,
16:53if you allow me to throw knives at you,
16:54and she said, for sure, and here we are.
16:57If you meet your guy,
16:58and he starts wanting to throw knives at you,
16:59I'd call that a red flag.
17:00That's a woman that has no trust issues,
17:02I'll tell you that now.
17:03Nah.
17:04And that's a man who's had about six marriages.
17:09What a strange couple they make.
17:11Why did he make this feel all sexy?
17:13It's not a guy trying to kill his wife and keeps messing.
17:15Yeah.
17:20Tell you what he's got in them trousers.
17:23Betty Swallow.
17:24Exactly.
17:28Do you know what?
17:29This is already dangerous.
17:31Dangerously sexy.
17:32Yeah, it's sexy and dangerous.
17:34Oh, is it?
17:36Oh.
17:37It's a bit close, isn't it?
17:41I wouldn't have you doing that to me.
17:43Oh, my God.
17:48What's he got in?
17:49Oh, these look precarious, Shil.
17:50Right, what's he got now?
17:51I can open her.
17:55All right, so now he has no eyeballs.
18:00Oh, Jesus Christ.
18:02How does he know where she is?
18:03Right, she's got to make noises now, so if she knows...
18:05Yeah, she's got to whistle or something.
18:09Oh, hello.
18:11Huh?
18:12Oh, she is a dominatrix, isn't she?
18:14A bossy old bitch.
18:15Yeah.
18:16A bit like you, darling.
18:18Sounds like a really aggressive lollipop lady.
18:21Stop!
18:23OK!
18:26Oh, Jesus Christ.
18:28Flipping heck.
18:28Well, it's miles away.
18:30That's fucking miles away.
18:30I mean, that's easy.
18:32I bet they've practised this at home, you know.
18:34Left!
18:36Left!
18:37Stop!
18:38Because if you were in the crowd, you'd shout, OK, wouldn't you?
18:41Yeah.
18:42In her voice.
18:43Yeah.
18:44OK!
18:48Oh, that was close.
18:50It really wasn't, was it?
18:51Did she flinch there or is that like a part of the act?
18:54It's all part of the act, it has to be.
18:56Well, that's pretty good.
18:57She looked like a gymnast that finished her job.
19:05Oh, the old crossbow's out now, do we go?
19:08I don't like this, love.
19:09Beethoven had intended his Moonlight Sonata to be used for a crossbow challenge.
19:14Not it.
19:15On Britain's Got Talent.
19:22No way.
19:24Oh, hello.
19:24No, stop that.
19:26Oh, no way.
19:30Oh, she's turning.
19:32Oh, and she's swivelling as well.
19:34Oh, no.
19:35No, that's too dangerous.
19:36That's too dangerous.
19:42He's done it.
19:42Oh!
19:44I couldn't even get myself into that position.
19:46What kind of party were they at when they met?
19:53It's a very sexually charged act.
19:56Why do I fancy her quite a lot now?
20:01I fancy him.
20:02I bet you bloody do.
20:03That's a double date.
20:06You see, now, if that were me and Paige on the stage,
20:09the roles would be different.
20:10I think Paige would be the Alfredo,
20:11and I would be Coral.
20:13Yeah.
20:14Yeah.
20:14You know, and the reason being that
20:17if I say hit Paige with a knife,
20:19I'd never hear the last of it.
20:22And you've got the legs for the layered side.
20:24Well, that as well.
20:25And there's not really much to it, is there?
20:27We like throwing it a credit card side on.
20:33In Manchester.
20:34Sean, look at this, what I made.
20:37It's an internet sensation.
20:40It's crisps with chocolate.
20:43Ooh, I'm in for a treat here.
20:44Yeah.
20:46Hear that crunch?
20:49What are you pulling the face at?
20:51It's like watching the cement.
20:52Makes you go in here, this.
20:54It's not for me, that.
20:56What?
20:57We found something that's not for Sean.
20:59Some food that's not for Sean.
21:01Let's work on him.
21:02I reckon he'll turn.
21:03He'll go get the proper taste.
21:05He'll go, you know what?
21:05I'll have another bite of that in a minute.
21:10He does grow on you.
21:11He's growing on you.
21:14On Tuesday night, Jamie was back grilling some grub on Channel 4.
21:22What are you doing?
21:23I'm pulling me fat pants up.
21:25Fucking how far do they go?
21:27They're up here.
21:27They're under me brow.
21:28Looks like I've got a swimming cozy on.
21:30I went to the same college as Jamie Oliver, Simon.
21:33No way.
21:34They spotted Jamie, but they didn't spot me, Simon.
21:37Oh, Jane.
21:38Oh, no.
21:39If you'd been called Janie...
21:40They might have.
21:41Yeah, you've had your own show by now.
21:43Yeah, I could be, couldn't I?
21:44The Naked Chef.
21:45I wouldn't have watched that, to be honest.
21:47Not with my sister.
21:48The first glimpse of sunshine, and we just want to get outside and barbecue.
21:53It's true.
21:54I was walking around the supermarket the other week when the sun was shining.
21:57Yeah.
21:57And everyone was on the phone saying,
21:58we're having a barbecue later.
22:00Do you want to come?
22:00Get two more burgers.
22:02Tom and Tim are coming.
22:03Thanks.
22:04So I've created delicious recipes to help you be more adventurous
22:07when you fire up that barbecue.
22:09Oh.
22:10Hello.
22:11That looked nice.
22:12From epic rubs and flavour-packed marinades, gnarly, encrusted...
22:16I really want Jamie in my life.
22:18To roast dinners, chicken curries...
22:20Chicken curry on a barbecue?
22:22Ooh.
22:22And even breakfast.
22:24Breakfast?
22:25Yeah, I'm going to roll out of that and go and spark the barbecue up.
22:31This is one for dads, isn't it?
22:33I feel exotic when I eat food from a barbecue.
22:36Our Alan does a good barbecue, doesn't he?
22:38Yeah, because he likes his steaks.
22:40Oh, my God.
22:40It's a meat feast, isn't it?
22:42Alan's Barbies.
22:43Nothing beats cooking outside.
22:45I'm wondering, you hate both those things, being outside and cooking.
22:49Yeah, my worst nightmare, honestly.
22:51Fresh air, good vibes, and that smoky barbecue working its magic.
22:56You do feel all kinds of manly when you do a barbecue as well, don't you?
22:59I do like opening the back door and going, someone's having a barbie.
23:03Yeah.
23:04It's funny, that, isn't it?
23:05That's the most British thing ever.
23:08Someone's having a barbie.
23:10I'm going to put it to one side.
23:13You see, mine looks nothing like that.
23:14It's got all fat and residue and bits of burgers stuck on the grills.
23:18I know, from last summer.
23:20Yeah.
23:21That means you've got very hot, medium and low.
23:24Oh, I've never thought of that.
23:27You didn't know that, Mr. Warden, did you?
23:29Oh, that's clever.
23:30I don't bother with that.
23:31I don't think this is necessary.
23:32Ruddaw.
23:33So, I'm going to cook these steaks three different ways.
23:35Rare, medium rare and medium.
23:37What about well done?
23:39Do you know, Nat used to get well done steaks before he met me,
23:42and then because I ripped him to shreds, he didn't dare order it again,
23:45so then he started getting medium.
23:47So, 47 degrees internal temperature, that's our rare steak.
23:50Oh, look, take notes, Dad, 47 degrees.
23:5247.
23:54Oh, there we go.
23:55This one here is going to be our medium rare, which you want about 52.
24:01Can you imagine doing all that, Lara?
24:02No.
24:03This is such a performance, isn't it?
24:05I know.
24:05So, while that's resting, I'm going to get the veggies on the barbecue.
24:08No, what is he doing?
24:10Cooking vegetables on a barbecue?
24:12It's meat.
24:12What a muppet.
24:13I'm going to go over to the hot side with some beautiful asparagus.
24:17Do you like them?
24:19What do they taste like?
24:20Asparagus.
24:23Grilled reddish is going to be delicious.
24:26Unusual, but very, very cool.
24:28You getting excited about that?
24:29No.
24:30Oh, I've never had cooked radishes here.
24:32Oh, no.
24:32You can take things like monge two or sugar snap peas.
24:35Anything that's small that would fall through the bars, we can put on here.
24:39On your metal sieve.
24:41Oh, my God.
24:42I think Jamie's a genius.
24:44Oh, monge two.
24:45I love a monge two.
24:47This green stuff has no place at a barbecue.
24:49Just slice this up.
24:51Look at this.
24:53Is he cutting it into tiny little bits?
24:55Yes.
24:56I like to do that myself.
24:57I don't like people doing too much activism on my meat, Nativ.
25:01I like dealing with things myself.
25:03It makes me feel like a savage.
25:05I don't want someone to cut it up for me.
25:09All those gorgeous juices.
25:11Got my juices flowing.
25:12That, Asli, I'll tell you now.
25:14Fuck off.
25:16Honest to God, I was enjoying this steak.
25:19And look at that beef.
25:21Cooked to perfection.
25:24How I wish I was Jules Holland.
25:28Jules Holland?
25:29His wife.
25:30Oh.
25:32Not Jules Holland.
25:34No, that's...
25:35That's the musician, isn't it?
25:39Jules Oliver, I meant.
25:41Oh.
25:42Yeah.
25:42No, I don't want to be Jules Holland.
25:56I've texted Georgia, personal trainer this morning.
25:58Oh, have you?
26:00I've told her I'm not being a ghost anymore and that I think she'll have some time coming up for
26:04me soon over the summer and that's it.
26:06I'm going in protein queen.
26:09Sisters Ellie and Izzy.
26:12Really?
26:12Why?
26:13What's got into you?
26:14Because I'm sick a bit...
26:16I said I'm jiggly beyond a joke.
26:17Those were my words to Georgia.
26:19Jiggly beyond a joke.
26:21Jiggly beyond a joke.
26:22I thought, no, Izzy, you've got to do something about it.
26:25I'm looking at surgery options on Google.
26:2712 grand.
26:28Can't afford it.
26:29Going to have to start exercising.
26:32On Friday, it was down to BBC News to take us into the long weekend.
26:37Everybody calm.
26:38Everyone stay calm.
26:39We've got the news.
26:40It's news.
26:40Yeah.
26:40We're going to learn something.
26:41Settle into a bank holiday.
26:43Yeah.
26:43Izzy, what are these?
26:462018 has called.
26:47It wants its curtains back.
26:48I know, I've just taken them out of my bedroom.
26:52They're shocking, aren't they?
26:53What, in the crushed velvet?
26:55What, in the 2018 Mirachrome furniture is going on here?
27:00Yeah.
27:01Now, many of us may be trying our hands at a bit of DIY
27:04this bank holiday weekend.
27:06See, I'm not exclusive to bank holiday weekend for my DIY.
27:10It's seven days a week, three, six, five.
27:12Is it modern?
27:13Well, three, six, four.
27:14I don't do Christmas Day, obviously, as you know.
27:18And ahead of it, the Flatpak World Championships.
27:21So you've got to go for the Flatpak Regionals.
27:26It's an annual event and it sees competitors race to assemble
27:29furniture in record time.
27:31There's nothing in record time, is it,
27:33they're doing flatpak furniture?
27:34No, they ain't, they.
27:35Sexual bastard day.
27:36But if you're delighted by dowels bonkers about brackets,
27:39or you actually know which way round the instructions need to be,
27:41this contest is for you.
27:43The last thing I built was a five-by-five Clalax.
27:48Oh.
27:49That's the biggest of the Clalax ranges.
27:51Oh, God.
27:52The ultimate relationship test, now a world championship.
27:55What a brilliant idea for something constructive.
27:59This is when a husband and wife have built a few bits in the house and go,
28:02hey, we could do this professionally.
28:04You build a bookcase and then a bedside table,
28:08but against the clock and with an audience.
28:11I can't imagine the audience is massive.
28:14You've got more people on stage than you do in the audience.
28:16Do you reckon they set out tickets?
28:18Yeah, I have to.
28:18What are you up to this weekend?
28:19Can I have a box?
28:22Warehouse worker Hayley will be competing as the reigning champ for now.
28:25Is that what you've got to win?
28:29Do you get a golden Allen key?
28:30So you've got the golden.
28:31Trophy.
28:32She knocked up a table in nine minutes, 33 seconds last time around.
28:36Oh, my God, Hayley.
28:37That would have been nine hours for me.
28:39Yeah, nine days for me.
28:40And even has her own flat pack support business.
28:43I bet she's really popular.
28:45Three, two, one, go!
28:48Come on, girl.
28:50Intense hammering and twisting.
28:52Everyone hoping someone else would screw up.
28:55Oh, look at that.
28:56Multitasking, reading the instructions, screwing and getting the next piece out.
29:00I do believe we might have someone into the final straight.
29:06She's done the draws already.
29:10Yes.
29:11She's done it again.
29:12To the winner, the spoils.
29:14Or, more appropriately, the golden hex key.
29:17Hex key.
29:17It's not called a hex key.
29:19It is called an Allen key.
29:21And, let's be honest,
29:22a lot of phone calls from friends and family desperate for assembly assistance.
29:26Pay them all off.
29:28Unless you're paying, I'm not interested.
29:30I actually would think I'd do all right there.
29:32I reckon so, is it?
29:33Most of my house is made of flat pack.
29:35Oh.
29:36Couch, flat pack.
29:38What else?
29:39Flat pack.
29:41Okay.
29:42Yeah.
29:43Keep going.
29:44Flat pack.
29:47In Surrey.
29:48Mum, we went to go and see Judy Love the other day.
29:51We did.
29:51And it was really good.
29:53But?
29:54You are terrible at directions.
29:56Sarah, her husband Andre, and their daughter Shay.
30:01Because whenever you're with me or with Dad, Mum just goes off into another world in another
30:06cuckoo land.
30:07Mum doesn't know what's going on.
30:09Mum's not bothering.
30:09You have to make sure Mum doesn't get hit by cars.
30:12You have to tell Mum, no, move over there, Mum.
30:15Shay.
30:15No, Mum, the queue's over there.
30:16The bathroom's... Mum just goes about life.
30:19Shay!
30:19Soft life!
30:20That is your Mum!
30:23This week, the spooks from Widows Bay were giving us the willies again on Apple TV.
30:29I can't believe we're watching this again.
30:31My anxiety's been up here as it is.
30:33It's going to be after this.
30:34If anyone deserves to get haunted, it's you.
30:37Because you're such a sceptic with it.
30:39Dad, please don't haunt me.
30:40Or if you're going to haunt me, make sure I'm dressed.
30:45We're those babies.
30:46Do you know what spooks me at the minute?
30:49Hugh walking in my bedroom on a night, I just see his tiny shadow.
30:54Honestly, Abby, it's horrible.
30:56You can hear his footsteps like this.
31:01It's horrible.
31:03In the programme, Mayor Tom was trying to convince the locals
31:07that there was no such thing as ghosts.
31:10We have a new chapter now and there is nothing wrong with that inn.
31:15A lot of bad things have gone down there.
31:17Yes, that's true, but it doesn't make it haunted.
31:21I would never put anyone in danger.
31:23Why don't you stay there?
31:24Yeah, if you really don't think it's haunted and there's no wrong with it,
31:27why don't you go and keep there for the night?
31:29And if you give me a ring, I'll come and stay there
31:31and bring all my gold stunting equipment.
31:33OK, I'll do it.
31:34Good on you, Tom.
31:35If that's what it takes, I will stay there tonight.
31:38Oh!
31:40See, if he does stay, he'll shut him all up.
31:42He should spend time in that crawl space.
31:45Oh, spend time in the crawl space.
31:48Isn't the crawl space the bit that's under the house?
31:50OK, I'll do it.
31:51But when I do, all this talk stops, right?
31:56Well, fair comment.
31:58Would you do it?
31:59No.
32:00Not even for money?
32:01Maybe how much we're talking.
32:04Later, we saw Tom arrive at the creepy inn.
32:12Oh, has he heard something?
32:14Oh.
32:19What is the joint?
32:20Listen.
32:20Is that music?
32:22Can hear stuff.
32:25Oh, it's people screaming.
32:27I think when you hear screaming in an air vent at a hotel,
32:29it's pretty normal just to mind your own business.
32:37Is that a footstep?
32:38Yeah.
32:39It sounds like someone's going up the stairs.
32:42Someone outside.
32:45Outside the door.
32:46Oh, Moni.
32:50What are you doing?
32:51That was you.
32:53He's already opening the door, you know.
32:59Oh!
33:01Oh, my God.
33:02I definitely saw it.
33:04Hello?
33:06There's somebody there.
33:07That's not scary.
33:08No, somebody's staying there.
33:10He didn't tell him that.
33:11The innkeeper didn't tell me anyone else would be here.
33:15Does he usually announce guests to each other?
33:17Just another guest?
33:18I mean, that's normal if you're going to a hotel, isn't it?
33:21I'm William.
33:22Is William really there?
33:24That's what I'm thinking.
33:26Is William a ghost?
33:28Good night.
33:31Something's not right here, self.
33:33No, because why would he still be wearing his tie?
33:36Yeah, you'd have had that off and top button under, wouldn't you?
33:40Before heading to bed, Mayor Tom wanted to check where the noises were coming from.
33:48There's the crawl space, Mary.
33:50Oh, shit, no.
33:52Oh, that is very small, innit?
33:57It's actually going in there.
33:58Shit.
33:59Oh, he's going in.
34:00Yuck!
34:01You silly bastard!
34:03What the hell, Abs?
34:05I need to block my ear.
34:09Bloody hell, it's like a whole other room in there.
34:15I'm really not enjoying this.
34:17All my life.
34:20What are you doing?
34:23Jenny, what is the matter with you?
34:25Well, I'm scared.
34:26And they haven't even seen, don't you?
34:30Oh, he's videoing.
34:31I am in the crawl space.
34:36Oh, what was that?
34:38Was that someone behind them?
34:40Hello?
34:41Hello?
34:42Oh, Tom, get out.
34:43See, there's nobody there.
34:46Well, William?
34:48Who is it?
34:48Go back, go back, go back, go back.
34:55Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
34:58Howdy, neighbour.
34:59Oh.
34:59Who is William?
35:01Need some help in there?
35:02What?
35:03No, no.
35:04Oh, no, this is creepy now.
35:06Why can't we see his face?
35:08No, don't, don't, don't come in.
35:10Don't, I'm coming out.
35:11Don't come in.
35:13He's going in the hole.
35:15Don't go.
35:18The fucking cloud.
35:19Oh, oh, oh, oh, my God.
35:21Oh, what is it?
35:22Oh, my God, it's a cloud.
35:27Oh, how fat is the body?
35:31Oh, he's bloody dreaming.
35:37It was just a dream.
35:39Fuck off.
35:40Oh, no, I'll be having bastard dreams all night now.
35:43Like what?
35:44You mean like Tom?
35:45Yeah, following me up my passage.
35:47Oh, we don't want that.
35:58In Blackpool.
35:59Did I tell you Paige played an absolute blinder the other night?
36:03Why?
36:04So Eva was a bit poorly getting up, getting up every two minutes, waking up.
36:08Paige's turn to get up.
36:09Do you want to come and stop in Mummy and Daddy's bed then?
36:12Yeah.
36:13Pete and his little sister Sophie.
36:16Anyway, Eva starts snoring in the middle of us and me and Paige are like that.
36:20And Paige are like, I can't sleep like this.
36:22I'm going in the other room.
36:24I went, you cheeky son.
36:26You're the one who's offered her to come in here and now I'm having to put up with this.
36:30Oh, God.
36:32I nearly went and stopped in Eva's car even at our bed and patient's spare room.
36:37This week, it was an action-packed thriller set down under that had us on the edge of our seats
36:42on Netflix.
36:43Are you ready to be thrilled, Jane?
36:45Yeah, I could do with a bit of a thriller.
36:47Great, it'll perk you up a bit.
36:48Yeah, it will perk me up.
36:49Oh, that'll be lovely.
36:50I look forward to that.
36:50I like Charlize Theron but I only like her in select stuff like the Italian job The Remake
36:56when she was a safe cracker.
36:58Oh!
36:58Now you know who she is.
36:59I know who she is now, the one with the stethoscope.
37:02That's right.
37:03Yeah.
37:07Apex, that's how you shape somebody's nail when you're doing them.
37:10You want it to have an apex.
37:12Yeah, but it's an apex predator.
37:14It's the top of the food chain.
37:15Oh, is it?
37:18My mind just goes to nails.
37:19In the film, we found Charlize Theron looking for a route through the Australian outback.
37:26You going that alone?
37:28I wouldn't recommend it.
37:29Why?
37:30Why?
37:30I think at this point in the film, if she turned round and said,
37:33oh, I'll give it a miss, it would be quite a shit ending.
37:36Yeah.
37:36People get lost in these woods all the time.
37:39And here, they stay lost.
37:40Oh, look at all them people missing on the board.
37:42Oh, God.
37:43Fuck it out.
37:43I mean, if that's not shouting red flag, what is?
37:48Hi.
37:48Hello.
37:49Hi.
37:50Hi-ho.
37:51Tyron Edgerton's here.
37:52Oh, that's the guy that pleased Elton John, isn't he?
37:55Yeah, and Eddie the Eagle, isn't he?
37:57That's right, eh?
37:58I'm trying to get to Grand Isle Narrows.
38:00My GPS is out, yeah.
38:02Are you over the canyon?
38:02Yeah.
38:03Don't tell, you don't tell people where you're going, love, Sasha.
38:06Yeah.
38:07Start of Blackstone Bay.
38:08Just before you get to the split break, you're going to find the most amazing camping area.
38:12Okay.
38:13It's a bit of a well-kept secret.
38:14That's where all the people go missing.
38:16Oh, that's a bit dodgy.
38:17Well-kept.
38:18Camping area.
38:18Well-kept secret nobody knows about.
38:20I hope you know what you're doing, because it can get pretty intense.
38:22Yeah, intense.
38:23Pretty gnarly.
38:24It's okay.
38:24Most people do it in pairs.
38:25Oh, if Taryn were suggesting for us to go in pairs, I'd be on it like a cab on it.
38:30It's like people are telling her and warning her against it.
38:33She's not taking any notice.
38:35Whatsoever.
38:36No.
38:40Oh, that looks pretty.
38:42It looks pretty creepy to me.
38:43Imagine just rocking up to that by yourself, though, innit?
38:46Yeah.
38:47In Australia.
38:48Yeah, of all places.
38:49I know.
38:50You might be able to do that in Somerset.
38:51Yeah.
38:55Oh.
38:56Who's this?
38:57It's another cab.
39:02Oh, no.
39:04Oh.
39:04You know that's trouble already, innit?
39:07Do you want to be allowed?
39:08You want.
39:09I'd get in a camper van if I was you, love.
39:11Yeah.
39:11I'd get my head down and put the locks down on the doors, too.
39:14I know.
39:15We'll do.
39:15Yeah, straight away.
39:20Oh, they're going.
39:21They're leaving.
39:22You would never catch me wild camping on me own.
39:25Absolutely not.
39:26I wouldn't go camping on an actual campsite with facilities.
39:30Never mind wild camping.
39:33With the trip not quite going to plan, Shelley's stumbled across another camper.
39:38Hello?
39:42Somebody's been here.
39:44Look, the fire's lit.
39:45Fire's still burning.
39:48Oh, who's that?
39:50Oh, it's Taran Edgerton.
39:51I'm Ben.
39:52Sasha, Ben.
39:53Nice to meet you.
39:54Hi, Sasha.
39:55What a coincidence seeing you here.
39:56It's sad for you to go this way.
39:58I told you to come to my camp.
40:00I'd be quite pleased if I bumped into Ben.
40:03I don't know if I would.
40:04Something got into my gear last night and took everything.
40:06My phone, my food.
40:08Oh, bloody hell.
40:09Oh, bloody hell.
40:10He didn't sound surprised, did he?
40:12Good news is I always pack twice what I need.
40:16I'm more than happy to set you up.
40:17Is he bad or good?
40:19We can't tell yet, Mary.
40:20I know who showed up at my campsite the other night.
40:23It was Hunter. It's from the gas station.
40:26You're definitely messing with me.
40:27I'd be more wary of him.
40:29I am. I'm more wary of him.
40:32You handled them perfectly, though.
40:33What?
40:34You handled them perfectly.
40:36How does he know?
40:38What?
40:39You had greed and poise.
40:41Was he there?
40:43So, what are you seeing?
40:44At the campsite.
40:45No, I was there.
40:46I thought maybe you could use a hand.
40:48Huh?
40:48This is a bit weird now.
40:50Yeah.
40:50Oh, the Daniela is following her.
40:52Not the case, though, clearly.
40:55Oh, no.
40:56That laugh, Jill.
40:58This is when it's time for me to leave, though.
41:01Like, yeah.
41:03You're not going to finish your brekkie?
41:05I'm suddenly full, actually.
41:07Play it down.
41:08Yeah.
41:08Turn round.
41:09Run like hell.
41:10Don't get a rock.
41:11Smack him in the head.
41:16What's that?
41:17Whoa!
41:18He's got a crossbow!
41:19Ben is a psychopath.
41:21Run!
41:26Why is he playing the music?
41:28Is this some kind of sick fantasy he's got?
41:30So, look, it's very simple.
41:31You've got until the very end of this song to get as far away from it as you can.
41:34Oh, he wants to hunt her.
41:35He's going to kill her.
41:36He's going to kill her.
41:36I'm going to hunt her.
41:37He's going to see we get to the end, but that's where we begin.
41:39You feel it, mannequins, and we break it out.
41:41Okay, he's seriously fucked up.
41:45Good taste of music, though.
41:46Can you start it from the beginning, at least?
41:50We've already had, like, the intro bit.
41:52So you take explosive, get it out, send your body to flight.
41:55Run, Sasha, run!
41:57Go on.
41:57You want to run like hell, then, huh?
41:59You're literally running for your life.
42:04Go, go, go!
42:06The music's stopped!
42:11He's off.
42:11He's fucked!
42:15Look at him.
42:16Well, look, he's right there already.
42:17He knows that for his light back of his hand, so...
42:23Oh, shit!
42:27Oh, my gosh, she's lost the kayak.
42:29She's fucked it herself.
42:30She has.
42:34Oh, where's Ben to?
42:35I don't know.
42:36I wouldn't like to see, love.
42:38You'd be going, do you know what, just shoot me.
42:40Yeah.
42:41This is why I don't like to be out my comfort zone.
42:43No.
42:45Absolutely not.
42:46I like my own home.
42:47I like a cup of tea.
42:49I like a panini.
42:52Not the panini.
42:56In home...
42:56You know what, I wonder what they call French toast in France.
43:00French toast, don't they?
43:02Or do they just say toast?
43:04Best friends, Jenny and Lee.
43:07I'd rather eat my sandwich.
43:09Well, I'm just asking you, would France, would people in France call French toast toast?
43:14No, call it French toast.
43:16Why would they?
43:17Because they're in France.
43:18Well, we call ours mustard, English mustard, don't we?
43:22So, would they just call it toast?
43:24And we just call it mustard.
43:26And not French toast.
43:28I've gone off it.
43:32Give it to a French person.
43:34On Friday night, a new national scandal was making the headlines on the BBC.
43:40I've had a great day-to-day work.
43:42They've moved where I sit, so I've been in front of the window where the sun's coming in.
43:47What a treat.
43:48Oh, it is.
43:49He's starting to bug me again.
43:51Please get him away.
43:51I'm starting to freak out.
43:53Stop pestering Giles.
43:55Leave him alone.
43:56And stop staring at him.
43:59It's like a death stare.
44:01Now, this is a bit of a fishy tale because the BBC has learned that some chip shops are
44:05passing off catfish as traditional fish and chips.
44:08Oh!
44:08No way!
44:10They're cheeky bastards!
44:11Catfish?
44:12What's that?
44:13I thought that was when you post a photo and you look nothing like you do in real life.
44:17It's significantly cheaper than the usual cod or haddock, but can be hard to detect.
44:22We're being catfished by catfish, huh?
44:24I know.
44:25Oh, my God.
44:26It's all a lie.
44:27Look at these immigrant fish coming in and taking our other fish's jobs.
44:31They should be ashamed of themselves.
44:33Well, now, DNA tests have been carried out on the fish from 10 chip shops in the
44:38north-west of England.
44:39North-west?
44:40Oh, my God.
44:41I'm disgusted.
44:42We're targeted.
44:42Got in touch with the BBC.
44:43We're renowned for all fish and chips round here.
44:45We can't be having nice.
44:46I'll tell you what.
44:47This is almost like when you get caught naked somewhere.
44:50Yeah.
44:51I'm embarrassed.
44:52One of the nation's favourite takeaways.
44:54But how much do we know about what we're eating?
44:57It's expensive and all now.
44:58Are you telling you how much it is?
45:00It's nothing quick for a fish.
45:01Ah, but what are you eating?
45:03Is it catfish?
45:04Yeah, I'd want the full tank for nine quid.
45:07When you go in your local chippy, you ask for fish and chips.
45:10What do you expect to get back?
45:11Fish.
45:12Probably cod or haddock.
45:14Cods.
45:15That's the only one I'd expect.
45:16You know, cod.
45:17The fish isn't fish.
45:18The sausage isn't sausage.
45:20And I don't know what's in the steak and kidney pudding.
45:22But I'll eat them all.
45:23Yeah?
45:24Yeah.
45:24We analysed reviews of chippies and found dozens of complaints where
45:28the species of the fish was questioned.
45:30Who's doing that?
45:31What kind of review is that?
45:33Yeah, I've never read a review where the word species is in it.
45:37Yeah.
45:38We bought ten portions from takeaways and sent them for DNA testing.
45:42I don't think we need to know who the dad is to the fish.
45:45We're not looking for its mum and dad.
45:47It's not finding anymore.
45:49Imagine if our fish and chip shops are letting us down.
45:51Imagine what all the other takeaways are doing, Daniela.
45:53Exactly.
45:53The test showed that seven of the samples were cod and haddock, as advertised.
45:58But the remaining three, which were sold to us as traditional fish, were in fact a
46:03tropical freshwater calf fish known as river cobbler.
46:08I love the fact that this is happening, isn't it?
46:11But the sneaky looking Donna Kebab in the corner is spinning around going,
46:16don't ask any questions about me.
46:18You don't want to know the answers.
46:25Liverpool squeezed through and Brighton were a little unexpected.
46:29Jill Scott and Maisie Adam bring us the Women's FA Cup semi-final this Sunday at 12.
46:34And Colleen Nolan is being equipped with some naughty toys.
46:39Spare your blushes.
46:40Celebs go dating Monday night at 9.25 on E4 or stream the series so far.
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