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00:04There comes a time in a man's life where he has to sit back, take stock of things and ponder
00:11that old philosophical chestnut. How the fuck did I end up here?
00:20I'll tell you to blame for this. Me family. My wonderful, wonderful family.
00:32Someone's got to put food on the table. So maybe I claim benefits that I shouldn't have. He asked me,
00:38that shows initiative. But no, six months with time off for good behaviour.
00:50Or an extra three for being a naughty boy.
00:55It's the boredom that gets you. You know, you miss the simple things. Drugs, alcohol, being able to drop the
01:04soap in the shower with impunity.
01:06Can't you see? Can't you see y'all? Can't you see y'all? Can't you see y'all? Can't you
01:14see y'all?
01:15Even miss the family. You know, a little bit.
01:22Still, every day, freedom comes closer and closer.
01:34It's all right. Too much peace and not enough war.
01:40Time, Frank. See y'all.
01:51Be a good lad, Frank.
01:53Head straight home.
02:02Can't you see y'all? Can't you see y'all? Can't you see y'all? Can't you see y'all?
02:09It makes you wonder though. Are you just stepping out of one prison?
02:14Frank!
02:16And straight back into another.
02:22Oh, she looks familiar.
02:25Mavis. Margaret.
02:27Oh, no, no. Wait, wait.
02:29Monica, innit? I remember you.
02:31Been a while.
02:33Three months since you last bothered to visit.
02:35I thought you might want some space.
02:41I brought you some bags and a can.
02:46They're in the car.
02:50You look well.
02:52You don't.
02:53Well, you've been round the block a bit, Monica, you know.
02:55But just a shame you didn't jog round it.
03:01It's just a bloody joke.
03:02It's been an emotional time.
03:03Well, yeah, of course.
03:05Most societal structures collapse when the patriarchal figure is removed.
03:16Frank.
03:17I had a lot of hopes and dreams when I was your age.
03:21Places I wanted to go.
03:23Things I wanted to do.
03:24Ambition.
03:26None of them involved growing a fucking moustache.
03:34So where to?
03:35Home.
03:36Home.
03:40There it is.
03:52All right, Frank.
03:53Enjoy your holiday.
03:55I've had worse.
03:56You've been busy.
03:57Oh, well.
03:58I'm not the only one.
04:00Come on.
04:01Let's get you inside.
04:03All right.
04:03What's the rush?
04:05Oh.
04:06I know what's going on.
04:08You do?
04:09You do?
04:10Oh.
04:11You do?
04:18You do?
04:20You do?
04:23You do?
04:45All right.
04:46All right.
04:47All right.
04:48All right.
04:52Is this you crying because your daddy's all banged up there?
04:55No, that's Jesus.
04:57He's upset because you did a bad thing.
05:01Yeah, well, a bit judgmental of the lad.
05:03I mean, he's never had to struggle.
05:05No wife, no kids, and his dad was God.
05:07Silver spoon up the arse, that one.
05:09He should really want to visit you more.
05:11It's just Monica's all, you know.
05:14Monica's what?
05:15He's got burning ears, apparently.
05:17Monica.
05:18Hey, jockey's open now.
05:20Free man deserves a drink, eh?
05:22Oh, I thought you'd never ask.
05:24Are you coming back?
05:26Back on all fours, hopefully.
05:29Monica.
05:31That couple of drinks will soften the blow.
05:40Come on, shift it.
05:51Frank, once you get a drink, there's something we've got to talk about.
05:54Oh, don't ruin the moment.
05:56Mum, calm before the proverbial storm.
06:00Wait for it.
06:01Wait for it.
06:121340.
06:14What?
06:15So what?
06:16We're early?
06:17Pounds.
06:18Your tab.
06:19Plus interest for every month where it wasn't paid, so...
06:21I will call it 20.
06:23You got done.
06:24Don't expect a reward.
06:25Expect?
06:25It's me right as a free man.
06:27I want me party.
06:28Oh, for God's sake, Frank.
06:29I'll buy you a drink.
06:30A drink?
06:31No, no, no.
06:32I don't want a drink.
06:32I want parades, banners, dancing fucking elephants.
06:36But no.
06:38You couldn't do that for me, would you?
06:40You know, that one little thing.
06:42When's my time, Mum?
06:44When's my fucking party?
06:45Frank.
06:48Oh, yeah, that's guilt, that is, eating away at you.
06:54Yeah, and that's, you know, you're pissing yourself because, well, the same.
06:58For fuck's sake, Frank.
07:00She's having a baby, you idiot.
07:03No, she's not.
07:03We can't.
07:05I know, and I'm going to deal with it, I promise you.
07:08Yeah, family's big enough, there'll be no more.
07:11She had an abortion.
07:14I was going to tell you, but it wasn't the, it wasn't the right time.
07:19Well, it's a bit late now.
07:20You promised, you fucking promised me.
07:23Did I have the abortion?
07:25Well, if you had the abortion, what the bloody hell's that tapeworm?
07:27It were twins.
07:30One of them survived.
07:31Frank, she's having a baby right now, whether you like it or not.
07:34So go and get hot water and towels, move it.
07:36She's got her fucking claws in me.
07:37Bloody hell.
07:41I'm sorry.
07:44I'm sorry.
07:46I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
07:51All right, all right.
07:53Don't worry.
07:54I'll sue them.
07:55Benefits, clothing allowance, room and board, everything.
07:59They fucked up.
07:59This is the NHS's baby, not ours.
08:01Might even make a profit.
08:02But I didn't have it on the NHS.
08:05I wanted to have it holistically, so I saw this lovely woman, Linda Wallace.
08:10She said she's part Cherokee, and she said that it was a more natural way.
08:15Oh, she was a scalding bath and a bottle of gin, a one-way trip down the staircase.
08:21But no, you had to go and visit Gypsy Rose fucking late.
08:25She's Cherokee, not Romany.
08:28She comes from bloody Southend-on-Sea.
08:30All right, come on, Mon, you posh now.
08:37Come on, son.
08:39You can do it.
08:40You're a survivor.
08:42Come on, son.
08:49Monica.
08:52Monica.
08:54Guys, nothing personal.
08:56Just had plans for you, like not being born plans.
09:02Oh, what's with the fancy dress?
09:04Going for ice cream.
09:06Oh, no, no.
09:07You lot have got a baby to look after.
09:08I can't do it at home itself.
09:10It's his birthday.
09:12Eighteen.
09:14Oh, so you've come of age.
09:16Which means we don't get child benefit to look after you anymore.
09:20No.
09:21Great.
09:22Another fucking waste of space leeching off us.
09:26But you've got to do something about her, Frank.
09:28She's not left of a room all week.
09:30You need an extra pair of hands.
09:38It's all right.
09:39It's all right.
09:44Are you planning on rejoining society any time soon?
09:52I've killed a baby, Frank.
09:54I've snuffed out a tiny little light.
09:57Do you know how that feels?
09:59It wasn't a baby.
10:00It was barely even a fetus.
10:02I've coughed up stuff with more personality.
10:06That.
10:08That downstairs with lungs like Pavarotti.
10:11That's a baby.
10:12It's been a week since you've even glanced at him.
10:14I've got postnatal.
10:16Oh, every time.
10:17Postnatal, prenatal.
10:19It's always excuses with you, Mum.
10:22How can I hold that baby?
10:25Knowing what I've done to his brother.
10:27Knowing what I've taken from him.
10:31They would have been besties.
10:33They would have dressed the same.
10:35They would have got into all kinds of scrapes.
10:38Bill and Ben, the fabulous Gallagher boys.
10:43Please, please, please, please, please forgive me.
10:46Please forgive me.
10:49Please, please.
10:50This isn't even your kid.
10:52This is the bloody Oxfam Africa baby.
10:54There's no need to be racist.
10:56No.
10:56I told you, no more kids.
10:59You made the choice.
11:00And you are not making me take care of another fucking child alone.
11:04So whatever you think this fucking Christmas tree is for,
11:08whatever help you think that it's giving you,
11:12it's clearly not enough, is it?
11:19You're right.
11:20It's not.
11:23We need to have a funeral for little Bill.
11:27Go down to Cheser's and get some fizzy wine.
11:31Decent stuff.
11:33Now, what are you going to do?
11:35Come on.
11:36There's lots to organise.
11:38Right.
11:38Good.
11:39More like it.
11:45Muddling matchmakers are very respected.
11:50Frank.
11:51Right, well, some sparkling wine and some beer.
11:58Please.
11:58What, no, welcome back.
12:00Good to see you.
12:01How have you been?
12:02Why, did you go somewhere?
12:03You really are a pig, ignorant piece of shit, aren't you, Gallagher?
12:07Need a hand?
12:08No, I'm fine, thanks.
12:09She is doing my fucking head in.
12:11I said to Ches I'd cover while Mary May ships out that baby.
12:15Didn't know I'd have to deal with that, psycho.
12:16So, about this drink.
12:18Look out, Frank.
12:20I know what you like.
12:21You'll have a few drinks, a few too many,
12:24end up sticking it in moniker again.
12:26Nine months later, little baby.
12:29Seven billion folk on this planet.
12:31Somebody's got to take a stand.
12:32It's not for me.
12:34It's for mum.
12:35She's got the baby blues.
12:36Please.
12:38All right.
12:40I'll serve you.
12:41If you can name all your kids without hesitating.
12:51So, there's, er...
12:53Er, hesitation.
12:54Fuck off, Frank.
12:55Come on, the nearest office is fucking miles away.
12:58Do you have a chance to think about what you've done?
13:03Hi, mate.
13:05Hi, Pete.
13:13Sorry, my dad's not in.
13:15He's out looking for work.
13:17And my mum's helping the mental handicapped.
13:19Relax, it's all right.
13:20I'm not the social.
13:22I'm Fiona.
13:24I've got the call to come home.
13:38What about this one?
13:40Second, second, reminder.
13:43So?
13:44Bin.
13:45Right.
13:46Remember, red means dead.
13:53But brown?
13:54It goes down.
14:03Look good.
14:07How's, er...
14:09What's his name?
14:10Steve.
14:11No.
14:13Is it Steve?
14:14That doesn't sound right.
14:16Fine.
14:17Your grandson's fine too.
14:19Thanks for asking.
14:20She's my sister.
14:25So, like, you just happened to be in the neighbourhood, wasn't it?
14:27Mum called.
14:29About the...
14:30D-E-A-D-B-A-B-Y.
14:32Dead baby.
14:34Oh, right, yeah.
14:35About that.
14:37Fiona!
14:38Oh!
14:39How are you?
14:41Oh, much better for seeing you, love.
14:43Mum, you're dressed.
14:45Is it too much?
14:46It's all right to show a little bit of tit at a funeral, isn't it?
14:59What do you think?
15:02Hello?
15:04Opinions.
15:05Opinions.
15:06Normally, you're full of them.
15:08I'm just...
15:10I'm just sorry, Mum.
15:12What you've had to go through?
15:13Losing the baby?
15:15I made a little coffin.
15:16They showed you how to do it on Blue Peter.
15:19I think it was really for household pets, but...
15:22So, er...
15:24Do you want me to go and pick up the...
15:27The body?
15:27I mean, is it at the Undertaker's or the hospital, or...?
15:30I think they probably just flushed it down the toilet.
15:33They wouldn't do that.
15:35Oh, what they don't understand.
15:36Do they, Fiona?
15:37I mean, they're just like your father.
15:39It's a foetus.
15:40It doesn't have a personality.
15:42But what's an acorn?
15:44It's just an oak tree waiting to happen.
15:47So, when you said the baby was stillborn...
15:49Well, I don't know the exact technical term.
15:52I mean, termination sounds a bit harsh, doesn't it?
15:57I have dropped everything.
15:58I have rushed over here.
15:59You haven't changed, have you?
16:02Always ready to judge me.
16:04I've not changed.
16:05This is you all over, milking it, playing the victim, centre of attention.
16:10Meanwhile, there's a real baby downstairs, a bunch of bills,
16:13and a whole world you've ignored because it doesn't revolve around you!
16:18Oh, tears are not going to work.
16:20You were right, Fiona.
16:22I'm a terrible, terrible person.
16:26You're right.
16:48I told you.
16:50Out of jail for a week.
16:51They'll be dragging him in again.
16:53Always happens like that.
16:54They get institutionalised, see.
16:57You speak to mum?
16:59No, just a text.
17:00Is this a you?
17:01No, just one of my brothers were.
17:08I'm glad it won't do.
17:10I'm glad it won't do.
17:15I'm glad it won't do.
17:17I wasn't stealing from her.
17:20Hey, don't you lot need a warrant to get in here?
17:21You can't just barge on in it.
17:23It's Ian.
17:24It's who Ian?
17:25What are you doing?
17:25Just tell us who's dead, Dad.
17:26Please, you're not a little Liam.
17:30Did your mother call you?
17:32Oh, fuck's sake.
17:34You know who she's got up there with her?
17:36Fiona.
17:39Nobody's dead.
17:40Your mother got up the duff.
17:41Twins.
17:42She had an abortion.
17:4450% success rate, thanks to Cherokee Linda.
17:47Oh, 50%?
17:49I know why they call your lot in a plod.
17:52He's saying we've got a new family member, mate.
17:55Right, so, why did she call us here, then?
17:57Probably to say goodbye to whatever's slid down her leg.
18:00Oh, that's a classic.
18:02That's crazy.
18:03Yeah, and he's driving me fucking crazy.
18:04So, listen, just shut up, be nice, and do what she wants.
18:07So, is it a new brother or sister we've got?
18:09Does it matter?
18:10It's a baby.
18:11It cries, it shits, it eats money.
18:13Folks, are you doing so ridiculous?
18:14I got told this was an emergency.
18:15It is an emergency, Carl.
18:17Unless you think that a soul's been trapped in limbo
18:20is something to be snickered out.
18:21I didn't mean...
18:22Carl, it's also respect.
18:24Mother.
18:28Sweet sister.
18:33The brother's grim.
18:35Oh, it's a baby.
18:42I'll see to that, shall I?
18:43Oh, as your nearest.
18:45Thanks, love.
18:46Thanks, love.
18:48I don't know how to stop him crying.
18:52I'm sorry.
18:55Oh.
18:59This it, man.
19:00No Ian.
19:01No Liam.
19:02No Deborah.
19:04She's in Afghanistan, isn't she?
19:06Still, you might have thought that flying home for her own brother's funeral
19:09might have been slightly more important.
19:12Still.
19:13Typical Debbie.
19:14Just goes to show.
19:15Have you?
19:16Have you not changed yet?
19:21Oh.
19:24You got this one.
19:26Better than nothing, I suppose.
19:32You've got nothing to be sorry about.
19:44There's a place that I read about called the Rainbow Road and when you lose someone, a family member,
19:53or someone you love, even a pet, they're not really gone, they're just waiting for you.
20:02I'll see you again, little William Gallagher.
20:06We all will.
20:08On the Rainbow Road.
20:11When it's our time.
20:25What's up with you?
20:28Giving this event the exact level of respect it deserves.
20:32She's our money.
20:34You don't change, do you?
20:36We're all just there for you to take the piss off.
20:38Do you know what's in that box we're burying?
20:40I'll give you a clue.
20:41It starts with fuck, ends with awe.
20:45It means something to her.
20:47Mum loves having kids.
20:50Mum loves being pregnant.
20:52She likes being the centre of attention.
20:54She hates having kids.
20:56That's the glitch in the master plan.
21:01You still think you're better than the rest of us, yeah?
21:03Carl!
21:04I'm sure whatever you want to discuss with Philip is very important.
21:08But we're trying to bury your dead brother.
21:11So can it just wait a minute?
21:15If happy little bluebirds fly above the rainbow, why, oh, why?
21:28And...
21:29How much did he weigh when he was born?
21:33Well, I don't want to put an exact figure on it, you know, because you get sensitive, you know, bulimic
21:38and that.
21:39Right, cool.
21:41He had all his shots.
21:46Dips, diphtheria, tetanus, polio, bubonic plague.
21:50Is there a point to this?
21:52Look, he's fine.
21:53Look, he's happy as a baby.
21:56Nothing about this is fine.
21:58Oh, here it comes.
22:00Why can't you look never come back with a smile on your face?
22:02You always have to slip a dagger in there, don't you?
22:04I'm just saying.
22:06Don't do to Stella what you did to me.
22:09Yeah.
22:09Give her a nice life, happy home, you know, family around her.
22:14I didn't get much of a childhood.
22:15You made me the mother.
22:17You fucked off and abandoned us.
22:20Riding out on your high horse out of town.
22:22Some fucking mother you turned out to be, eh?
22:25Well, told you not to come back.
22:31Rip, wait up.
22:36Take Frank down the pub.
22:38Monica.
22:39Get him nice and drunk.
22:41Funeral party.
22:42You're not seriously falling for this bullshit, are you?
22:46I'm taking the kids.
22:48Just tell me from the heart that you think that it's the wrong thing to do,
22:51that they'd be better off here with them.
22:53Just say it.
22:54And I'll keep it shut and do nothing.
23:01Drinks are on me.
23:04Don't worry.
23:05Fiona's gonna babysit the kids.
23:08Stella.
23:09Never hit the end of that one.
23:15Thanks, Fiona.
23:16Total start, as always.
23:18Yeah.
23:41What, not bothering answering your phone?
23:45Er, no, not when it's my day off.
23:47I'm trying to lie in.
23:51I just need to go home for an hour or so.
23:53I need to speak to Steve about something and my head's all over the place right now.
23:56Yeah, hi, Kev.
23:57How are you, Kev?
23:57Sorry, I'll wear you, Kev.
23:59I just need your help.
24:00No.
24:01Oh, no, no, I can't.
24:03I can't.
24:03I'm rubbish with kids.
24:04This is Frank's daughter, Stella.
24:06And this is his new baby.
24:08This is Uncle Kev.
24:09It's just Kev.
24:10Kev, Kev's fine.
24:11Why can't Frank look after him?
24:16Fiona, what have you gone and done?
24:18I can't just turn up at home with two new kids, can I?
24:19I need to at least warn Steve.
24:21Once I explain to him what it's like for him here with mum and dad, how bad it is,
24:24he'll probably suggest the idea of himself, say, bring him to stay here.
24:29Well, well, well.
24:31You do realise that I am still saying no, right?
24:34Two hours tops.
24:36You just said one a minute ago.
24:39Oh, Fiona.
24:40Fiona!
24:43So you're Stella.
24:46What's this one called?
24:48Anakin.
24:51Keep on thinking about, you know, what might have been his little face lighting up on Christmas Day.
24:58Is that a bite, mummy?
25:00Did Santa bring it all the way from the North Pole?
25:04I need a slash.
25:05Poor kid.
25:06Just like Elvis.
25:08He had a stillborn twin brother.
25:10The king was haunted by it all his life.
25:13Oh, don't say that.
25:14Yeah.
25:14Don't.
25:15Maybe I should have another, you know, to keep him company.
25:18Oh, you want to give your fanny a rest, love?
25:21Overwaked as it is.
25:25Hey, come on, man.
25:26Turn that frown upside down.
25:28You're finally getting our party.
25:30How can you celebrate at a time like this?
25:34This whole thing was meant to cure your post-bloody natalism.
25:39Cure?
25:41I'm not ill, Frank.
25:43I'm a human being with feelings and emotions.
25:47I've been through a very traumatic event.
25:49How many kids have you had before, eh?
25:51Jesus, how many abortions?
25:53Come on, eh?
25:54You're in double figures.
25:56Come on, cheer up.
25:57A drink, a few pills, a party.
26:00That's the best medicine.
26:02Right?
26:05Baby love, my baby love, baby, oh, oh.
26:13What?
26:14You're not even pretending to take this seriously.
26:16No.
26:17I mean, I'm trying.
26:19Fiona is.
26:20Even Dad's doing his bit.
26:21Oh, yeah.
26:22Fiona's taking it real fucking serious.
26:24Off the scale.
26:26What's that supposed to mean?
26:27Oh, mate.
26:29Can't you work out a piece of Columbo?
26:31Well, where are you?
26:33Fiona, Stella, the new baby, they're not.
26:41That's your one.
26:42She already has.
26:45Wait.
26:46Where are you going?
26:48Where do you think I am?
26:50Carl, don't say I'm...
26:53Carl!
26:56Enough!
26:58Enough!
26:59Enough!
27:01Stop it!
27:03Stop it!
27:03Stop it!
27:04You bastard!
27:05How dare you disgrace your brother's memory?
27:09The nature!
27:10The nature!
27:11What are you talking about?
27:12Shut up!
27:13The owner's taking the kids.
27:16I know.
27:17No, away!
27:19Go on.
27:20Will you shut up?
27:22Fuck off.
27:22Just shut it, brother.
27:30Frank!
27:32What?
27:33My baby!
27:35Fiona!
27:36She's taken my babies!
27:44Libby's eat cornflakes, don't they?
27:48Libby's eat cornflakes.
27:49Everyone does, don't they?
27:50Right.
27:54Stella?
27:56Alright, you're playing hide-and-go-seek, are you?
27:58Alright, you've won.
28:07Oh, no.
28:09No.
28:11No!
28:11No!
28:13Stella!
28:15So much for happy, bloody families.
28:17Where's Fiona taking them?
28:20I'm not telling you fucking anything.
28:23You're the squealer.
28:24What if it were your kid?
28:25Lip?
28:26Hey, what if Fiona decided you weren't fit to look after Katie, eh?
28:29We'll get the police on us.
28:31The social, everyone.
28:32I am not letting that uppity bitch take my children from me.
28:36Not now, not ever.
28:37Seriously, Stella.
28:38Don't sush me!
28:39No, this is what we've always wanted, man.
28:43Big dream to be free of the kids.
28:46Or let them go on the breeze.
28:48You're a monster!
28:50You've buried an empty fucking box today.
28:55Get away from me, you repulsive cunt!
29:02Being honest, I know you feel the same way.
29:06This is it.
29:07This is our chance.
29:12Just get out, Ron!
29:15I wish you would never, never come back now!
29:20Out!
29:22Go on.
29:25Out!
29:26Go on!
29:33Take a good look.
29:35Take a fucking photo.
29:38Because this, this, is the last time you will ever see Vernon Francis Gallagher!
29:59I forgot my fags.
30:10I've lost.
30:11I've lost them.
30:12Do you mean you've lost him?
30:13Well, one minute they were there.
30:15No, they, they weren't.
30:20Frank.
30:22I've lost, I've, I've, I've, I've lost your kids.
30:25So, so sorry, mate.
30:33See if you can make the rest of them disappear.
30:36There'll be a little something extra in your pay packet this week.
30:38Frank, this is serious.
30:42Kevin Ball.
30:44Smarter than he looks.
30:46Admittedly, no great achievement, but he's got no kids.
30:51Nothing tightening down.
30:52Oh, he's got it all sorted as I can.
30:54But me, 16 years old, walked out of school for the last time.
31:00Whirled at me feet.
31:01What did I do?
31:02I had kids, tons of them, boatloads of mewling, whining, swash.
31:08Frank Gallagher, fucking genius.
31:10Keep fucking and breathing, fucking and breathing.
31:13Each kid, 16 to 18 years, at least.
31:17That's prison.
31:19Socrates, Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Leonard da Vinci, all great men.
31:24None of them were stupid enough to have any kids.
31:27But we can't all do great things, and life is long after filling some out.
31:32Distract yourself, film, tele, music, pub, fiddling on fucking mobile phones
31:39like the meaning of life might pop up any second.
31:42Worshipping overpaid ponces whose only loyalty is to the almighty power.
31:49Waiting for that moment, that wonder, that will put everything into some kind of order.
31:58That will say, your life was not in vain.
32:02Mind you, I'd still let Franny Lee shit in my mouth for nothing.
32:05But he was a different class, though.
32:07Like buzzer and bell.
32:10Yeah!
32:18But to fill your empty little life with family, ungrateful, selfish family,
32:25that's the biggest joke of all.
32:27Regret whatever you did or you didn't,
32:31the lives you ruined, the ones you saved.
32:33Makes no difference, it all ends in dust.
32:36I'm tired of pretending not to care,
32:39or caring not to pretend.
32:41And I can't remember
32:44what it was like
32:46before then.
32:47For the fucking kids, the bills,
32:50the towering horror of family life
32:52casting its shadow over every single fucking bread.
32:56I'd take another mouth to feed,
32:58another wailing, anguished mouth to tell me.
33:02What I already know,
33:04I am not good enough.
33:09And them,
33:11they're always the ones to leave.
33:16I've had it the wrong way round.
33:19Should have been me.
33:27Magic mystery bus to wherever.
33:32One way ticket.
33:35No return.
33:42I'm the one who needs to walk away.
33:49Dad!
33:51Well, what are you doing here?
33:53I followed you.
33:55Well, don't.
33:56You're better off with Fiona.
33:58I mean,
33:59I don't paint eggs and go to the swing park,
34:03or have teddy bears fucking tea parties.
34:05You're better off with her.
34:07What are you getting on, mate?
34:08Or what?
34:09Just off.
34:10You were a mistake.
34:12Don't you get it?
34:13You ruined my life the day you were born.
34:16Oh, what's that?
34:17Another one.
34:17Another trap.
34:18You ruined my life.
34:46Right, look everywhere for him.
34:48Yeah?
34:49Every street,
34:50every alley.
34:51They've got to be here somewhere.
34:53How do you lose two fucking kids?
34:56Day off.
34:57Someone's gonna have to keep Monica busy.
35:03Me.
35:05If she finds out they're missing,
35:07boom!
35:09When am I gonna do that?
35:11Smart lad, Kev.
35:12Work something out.
35:19Lillian!
35:20I need you help.
35:23Stella!
35:30Feel for you?
35:32Not been around much, have you?
35:34Patricia's practically taken over,
35:36being Ches's mum.
35:39I expect she'll be, er,
35:41pushing you out the picture
35:42when the baby pops out.
35:44Nah.
35:44We're family.
35:47Where's Ches and Mary May now?
35:49Hello!
35:50Round of Patricias.
35:52All right.
35:53Come on, Stella!
35:54Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on,
35:58come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on,
36:04come on, come on.
36:08What are we gonna do?
36:10I don't know.
36:11Fiona always sorted this shit out.
36:13Yeah, well, she's landed us all in it this time, haven't you?
36:16You know, mum's gonna go mental.
36:18Stella!
36:20You know what?
36:20Call the police.
36:21I'll have Fiona dragged off in fucking chains.
36:23Fuck that.
36:25What if we just don't find them?
36:27I mean, Stella and the baby.
36:30What if they're just...
36:32gone?
36:34Stella!
36:35Stella!
36:40I didn't have me bus fare.
36:42Quid should do it.
36:49Never understood the appeal of these places.
36:52I mean, look at that kid.
36:56Definition of easily amused that one.
37:05Look, kiddo, we don't have to pout on bad terms.
37:09You told me to go away.
37:11Well, yeah, I did.
37:13But...
37:13You said I was a mistake.
37:16Yeah, and it was.
37:17But, you know, all me kids were mistakes.
37:25Well, my father, he was...
37:31You all right, love?
37:32You all right, love?
37:33Is this man bothering you?
37:35Oh, great.
37:35The curtain twitches.
37:38I'm her dad, love.
37:39He's not my dad.
37:42She's just in a mood.
37:43Do you know him?
37:44He's not my dad.
37:45Look, I think maybe you should leave.
37:47Well, that's the plan.
37:48So I suggest you should mind your own fucking beeswax.
37:51Right, that's it, isn't it?
37:53I'm calling it police.
37:54But I'm a fucking father.
37:56He's not my dad.
37:57It is a disgrace.
37:59Nowhere is safe from them these days.
38:01I'm telling you, you fucking weirdo.
38:02I am not one of them.
38:04I'm one of you.
38:05I'm just a simple person struggling with the hopes and fears of parentshood.
38:10My dad is nice and kind.
38:12I'm kind!
38:13And he never tells me to go away.
38:16And he never shouts at me.
38:18And he takes me places.
38:20And he loves me.
38:22I love you!
38:33I want to go and play on the swings now.
38:49See, he told you.
38:51So why don't you take your pitchforks and go and torment some other poor bastard?
38:54We've got to be careful, you know.
38:56You do look like it, right?
38:57Weirdo.
38:58Come on.
39:08Oh, for fuck's sake.
39:15Hiya, Monica.
39:17Where are you off to?
39:19Well.
39:20I've got you this.
39:22Needs a walk.
39:23He's missing a leg.
39:24No, it's a stray.
39:25They were going to put it down.
39:28Terminate it.
39:29Oh!
39:30It's only got three legs.
39:31Yeah, I know.
39:33Poor little bugger.
39:35Nobody to love you.
39:38Nobody to care, just like me, eh?
39:41Oh, come here, you.
39:44You take your time.
39:46Get acquainted.
39:47Why are you being so nice to me?
39:50I'm just being neighbourly, you know, and all that.
39:52I might be post-natal, but I'm not post-stupid.
39:55What are you hiding?
39:56What are you hiding?
39:59Kev?
40:01Where's the kids?
40:02Yes, that's the thing, isn't it, Fiona?
40:04You steal my children, and then you abandon them with this idiot.
40:09It's my day off.
40:11You lost them.
40:12Well, don't blame him.
40:13You're the one that done this.
40:14Oh, that's right.
40:16I was the one who ignored him.
40:17We made Stella look after her little baby all by herself.
40:19It was all me, Mum.
40:25You get that one.
40:27But that's all.
40:29You should have been beaten every day of your life.
40:32Why did you come back to show us where we were going wrong?
40:35You asked me.
40:36Well, I wish I hadn't.
40:37You're tearing this family apart.
40:38I was the one who kept it together for years.
40:41I was the fucking glue.
40:43No childhood, no let up.
40:45Where were you?
40:46Where the fuck was you?
40:47All right, I'll be on it.
40:49Ow.
40:52Hey, hey, can you keep the noise down?
40:54The baby's sleeping.
40:56Where were they?
40:59With me.
41:00Went to the swing park.
41:02Why, was it a problem?
41:04No, no, you are not doing this.
41:06You are not whitewashing over this.
41:07She stole our children.
41:10Give me the baby, Frank.
41:11Dad, it's Dad.
41:12Give him to me.
41:14You are not taking our kids.
41:16No, you're not.
41:16You think this changes anything?
41:18How long are you going to stay for this time, Mum?
41:20How many years is it going to take to get a loaf of bread?
41:24Stella!
41:27Where's the baby?
41:28In there with the Dad.
41:31Go on then, tell her she's not taking our children.
41:35They're on my side.
41:37We're not on anyone's side.
41:39Jesus!
41:40You seriously think it's fine to leave these kids with him and her?
41:43Nah, you're right.
41:44I mean, you were stuck with us and look what the fuck up you turned out.
41:48Piss off.
41:49Exactly.
41:50You turned out okay.
41:52And so did I.
41:53And Ian.
41:54Well, Ian's marrying a tranny, but you know, it's wonderful.
41:57Best of both worlds.
41:59And Debbie.
42:00Off tackling insurgents.
42:02And Liam.
42:02Getting his act together.
42:04Buddhism.
42:05It's crazy.
42:06What about me?
42:07Could be worse.
42:09Could be a Tory.
42:11It doesn't change anything.
42:14They don't care about us.
42:16They never will.
42:20Dad didn't get the bus.
42:22He was going away, but he didn't.
42:27Why not?
42:31Well, the financial issues, vis-a-vis the purchase of a ticket.
42:37I'll lend it to you.
42:40Nah.
42:41I'll give it to you.
42:43Anything you like.
42:48You don't want to.
42:52You can't, can you?
42:55Not while there's still some of us around.
43:04That, get your coats.
43:06Get your coats.
43:09Come on, you'll always think the worst about me, don't you?
43:11Come on.
43:13Come on.
43:14Drinks.
43:15For the family.
43:25It's okay.
43:26Okay, I'll do it.
43:27Um, not useless.
43:29I know your game.
43:31Try to sideline me.
43:32Fucking wise to you.
43:34Watch your mouth, you.
43:35Don't talk to her like that.
43:37Fight me home battles, you mad bitch.
43:39You're calling a mad bitch.
43:41I'm calling you a mad bitch.
43:42Yeah, are you?
43:42Are you?
43:43For fuck's sake, come on.
43:47It's not a party without a proper fight.
43:50I'm sort of turned on right now.
43:55You did a good job.
43:59I suppose.
44:01I suppose there are a couple of things I could learn from you.
44:08Whoa!
44:10I can't.
44:11I'm postnatal.
44:17You just want to be the centre of attention.
44:20There's lots of things you don't know about me, Theo, Menallica.
44:23Come on.
44:26See?
44:27Get out of the tree.
44:35Come on, Faith.
44:37I'm gonna have a dance.
44:39Come on, Faith.
44:41Come on.
44:41Come on, Faith.
44:43Come on, Faith.
44:44I'm gonna have a dance.
44:52Come on.
44:54Do his favour and we'll say no more about it.
44:59Some twat's still not shitting his car from outside.
45:02You know what to do.
45:06My kids say they hate me, but secretly they love them.
45:12And I love them, but secretly hate them.
45:16Well, not so secretly, but it doesn't matter.
45:19They'll whinge and whine and moan and groan
45:23about the shadow I cast, that I define their lives.
45:27But it's all upside down.
45:32It was them that defined me.
45:40Without them, I'm just that guy at the end of the bar.
45:45That guy quite possibly soiling himself on the public transport.
45:49The fella sitting slumped on a park bench Sunday afternoon
45:53as the world dissipates around him.
46:02Or, you know, maybe I would have been an investment banker
46:05with a surgically enhanced wife and a penis extension for the car,
46:09but either way...
46:11I'm not part of them.
46:14They're parts of me.
46:17All of them.
46:31But it's a young citizen,
46:33they just will see that dog bite.
46:33There's one!
46:36There's one!
46:37There's one now that we're going!
46:37There's one more than a dog!
46:38We're going to hit, man!
46:47C onunKULKULKULKULKULKULKultMBA
46:49These annoying, ungrateful, amazing bastards I call my kids.
46:56Think for themselves, speak their mind, go their own way, show me how it should be done.
47:03And most importantly, first and foremost, chew a map.
47:08They'll always know what the most vital necessity in this life is.
47:14Right?
47:17Right?
47:18Yeah!
47:20Yeah!
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