- 9 hours ago
مسلسل Home Improvement مترجم - Episode 1
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Short filmTranscript
00:00I don't know.
00:54I don't know.
01:00Our show's on.
01:00Come on and watch.
01:01No thanks.
01:02I'm playing.
01:03Oh, Jill.
01:04Yeah.
01:05Got a spot all warmed up on the couch.
01:06Tool time's ready to begin.
01:07Come on.
01:08Couldn't get the boys to watch, huh?
01:09They were a little busy.
01:10So am I.
01:12Your loss.
01:13It's a great episode.
01:14Classic.
01:15I've shown everybody how to install a deadbolt lock.
01:17We really can't do it without putting our tool belts on, so let's get that taken care of.
01:21There you go.
01:22You heard that snap?
01:23That means it's on.
01:24Tool tip.
01:25Tool belt fashion tip from old Tim.
01:27Hike it up so you avoid that unsightly butt crack, because who wants to see that?
01:31Boy, there's nothing like the feeling of raw hide and cold steel hanging on your hips.
01:37My wife says when I put this bad boy on, I turn into a wild, hairy, disgusting ape.
01:43You know what?
01:44I don't think women understand a feeling of raw hide and steel vice gripping monkey plier
01:49dado head cut flat jig mitre jig box hot goo.
01:54Busy day today.
01:56Al and I are going to rough in that house, finish hanging that garage door, but first
01:59we're going to install a twin-sitter deadbolt security lock in this door.
02:02Morning, Al.
02:03Morning, Tim.
02:04Always follow your instructions, always makes jobs a bit easier.
02:07We've already laid out with the template included in the kit where we're putting our holes.
02:10Use my awl here to set my drill.
02:12All right, Al, let's have a drill, please.
02:15Whew!
02:15Look at that butt crack you got going there.
02:18I think we've got to start today by spackling Al's butt crack shot, huh?
02:23With the new patch and paint butt crack filler putty.
02:27Hey, I smell voltage.
02:29I think it's time to drill.
02:30Hey, uh, right, Tim.
02:31And, uh, we'll be using a one-and-a-half-inch auger bit.
02:35Come on, Al.
02:36That's a girl drill.
02:37We need a man drill, don't we?
02:40But, but, Tim, uh, this is the proper tool.
02:42Yeah, I bet it is, Al.
02:43You know, men, when we want a job done right and we want it done quick, what do we need?
02:47More power!
02:49You're right, more power.
02:50Thank you, Lisa.
02:52Now there's raw power!
02:56This is a Bedford series heavy-duty variable speed drill, double reduction spur gearing,
03:011400 RPM, 6.8 amp.
03:07But you won't even be halfway through your aug before you hear this.
03:11Honey, shut that thing off.
03:12It's making too much noise.
03:14Huh?
03:16Always ignore that first plate.
03:18It just makes her yell a little louder.
03:20Well, here she comes down the hall.
03:21Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
03:23Hey, shut that thing off.
03:24Can't you ever get one years of being baboon?
03:26You know what the problem is?
03:26What's that supposed to be?
03:28Is that supposed to be me?
03:30No, that's not you.
03:33Oh, what a relief.
03:35Then who is it?
03:37That's, uh, every wife.
03:40Oh, yeah.
03:41Well, you know, I happen to be a wife.
03:45Every wife but you.
03:47Stop it.
03:48You'll make me go to the bathroom.
03:49No, let me up, let me up.
03:51No, you started this.
03:52You're staying right there.
03:52Oh, no.
03:56No, Willie, I have a blouse in the drawer.
03:57I have to get that out.
03:58Let me go.
03:59Hey!
04:00Help!
04:00Jim, would you go see who's killing who out there?
04:02I can only imagine.
04:03Randy, what are you doing to your younger brother?
04:05I'm just hanging him from the jungle, Jim.
04:08Help!
04:09Don't do that.
04:10He likes it.
04:11Randy, you let go of that rope or I'm going to hot glue your little head to the garage door.
04:16No running in the house.
04:18Cover the ball with both hands so you don't fumble.
04:21Go on.
04:22Damn.
04:24And do as your mother says, don't run in the house.
04:26I'll be back.
04:27Where are you going?
04:29Sears, summer spectacular sale.
04:32You can't go.
04:33I've got this job interview.
04:35What job interview?
04:36I have been telling you this all week.
04:39It's the personnel manager at Kingman Hartwell.
04:41You never told me about a job interview.
04:43Tam, do you ever listen to me?
04:44It was the last thing that I said in bed to you last night.
04:47No, I believe, if you recall, the last thing you said to me in bed last night was, no.
04:58You're thinking of tonight.
05:07Oh, you split my sides.
05:12You really did.
05:13Is that my liver?
05:14Look in there.
05:14Look at that.
05:15Yeah, you stop that.
05:16I've got to be there in an hour and you've got to stay here with these kids.
05:19Fine.
05:20I'll be back in 20 minutes.
05:2120 minutes?
05:22Who are you kidding?
05:23You'll be down there drooling, fondling all the tools, your eyes bugging out.
05:27You don't even look at me like that.
05:30I would if you were two speeds in reversal.
05:34Tim.
05:36You won't even know I'm gone.
05:38Tim, walk out that door and this goes in the trash compactor.
05:43That's my Bimford power tape with positive toggle lock.
05:46Kiss it goodbye.
05:48Don't turn that on.
05:49Are you staying?
05:51Yes.
05:52God, you're mean to me.
05:55Oh, there's food boogers all over me.
06:00Since you're staying, would you load the dishwasher?
06:03Why not, now that you've broken my spirit?
06:06Tim, this job is important to me.
06:09Aren't you excited about me going back to work?
06:11Yeah, sure.
06:13Yeah, sure.
06:16Could you maybe work up a little enthusiasm?
06:18I'm sorry, honey.
06:19Gosh, I'm excited that you want to be laying around the house,
06:22mooching off the boys and me.
06:24Oh, do the other side.
06:26Oh, I'm your love slave.
06:28Is it okay if I go over to Tommy's?
06:30What?
06:31Is it okay if I go over to Tommy's?
06:33Yeah, sure.
06:34Honey, honey, don't put that in the dishwasher.
06:36You have to rinse it off first.
06:37I've got to wash the dish before I put it in the dishwasher.
06:40Yeah, that spray's not strong enough for egg yolk.
06:44It would be if we had a man's dishwasher.
06:47But no, you insist on the lady's soft-touch decor series.
06:49Little tiny buttons that no man can...
06:51I'm so sorry the grunting hairy ache model was sold out.
06:54Just rinse the dish.
06:59You know, honey, I could fix the spray on this dishwasher.
07:02No, Tim, it's not broken.
07:04I know, it just needs more power.
07:08Every time you fix something, the fire department shows up.
07:11But this would be different because I got this positive...
07:13No, I'm not going to let you ruin a perfectly good dishwasher just so you can get out your tools
07:17and play.
07:17Six horse.
07:18No.
07:18One...
07:19No.
07:19One...
07:20No.
07:22Play?
07:23I host my own home improvement show.
07:26Don't touch the dishwasher.
07:32Don't touch the dishwasher.
07:37I'll show her.
07:39Well, I'll strap that old 427 side or a V8 on that son of a B.
07:42Yeah.
07:44Dual quads, headman headers, whiskey cams.
07:46700 horse, blowing everything off every dish in there, including that little sissy flower pattern.
07:52I heard that.
07:53Hey!
07:56This is my house.
07:57That is my dishwasher, and I will rewire it if I want to.
08:01No, you will not rewire it and screw it up like you did the blender.
08:06End of discussion.
08:08What is your problem with the blender?
08:12It's the only blender on the block that can puree a brick.
08:20Go into that interview.
08:21I'll see you in a couple hours.
08:22Good luck, honey, and remember what Newt Rockne said.
08:25Hit them low and hit them hard.
08:27I'll do that.
08:29Oh, oh, oh, and remember, honey, don't touch the dishwasher.
08:34Honey, I'm not one of the kids.
08:35You only have to tell me once.
08:36Yeah.
08:39Hey, Wilson.
08:40Hi, Tim.
08:41I'm going to rewire that dishwasher.
08:43Do you still have that compressor for sale?
08:45No, no, no.
08:45You traded that for a set of snow tires and an accordion.
08:50Shoot.
08:51Dishwasher broken, huh?
08:52No, I'm just going to show my wife who's man in this house.
08:56I told her I was going to rewire that dishwasher.
08:58She jumps all over me.
08:59Sometimes I don't know about her.
09:01This isn't about her.
09:03It's not.
09:03No, no, no, no.
09:04This is about you.
09:06The reason you're having problems with your wife is because you don't know who you are as a man.
09:12I don't have a problem in that area, Wilson.
09:16Not what I mean, Tim.
09:18A lot of men feel lost, confused.
09:21You see, Tim, the Industrial Revolution took the adult male out of the home.
09:25Boys were left without an older man to teach them how to be men.
09:29Men, we need to get back to something more primitive.
09:33Atavistic.
09:34Oh.
09:39Atavistic.
09:40Hmm?
09:41How do you spell that?
09:43Well, let's just say primitive.
09:45All right.
09:46Men need to spend more time around the campfire with their elders, like in ancient days.
09:51Seeking wisdom, telling stories, sharing.
09:55But these men all have to be naked?
09:56No, no.
09:58No, that's optional.
10:01You see, Tim, it's time for men to reclaim the male spirit.
10:06Yes.
10:08And I'm going to start by reclaiming that dishwasher.
10:11Mark at your brothers.
10:12We're off to Sears.
10:13What?
10:16All right.
10:17You've got to get this done before your mom gets home, okay?
10:19Take a look at this bad boy.
10:23That's a Finley two-stage five-horse Blastmaster compressor.
10:27All tubing inside is stainless steel, diaphragm, plug.
10:29Dad, why are we doing this?
10:31Randy, it's a house full of men.
10:32We're reclaiming the male spirit.
10:34Huh?
10:35By working on a dishwasher?
10:37It's either that or sitting around a campfire telling stories naked.
10:42Hey, hey, hey, hey!
10:44Where are you guys going?
10:45Come on, I'm kidding around.
10:47It's just you and me, Mark, unless you've got something else to do.
10:50Nope.
10:50I want to be with you.
10:51Great.
11:04What are you doing?
11:06Get it naked.
11:08You don't have to get all the way naked.
11:11All right, let's let bare-chested men's work.
11:12Come over here.
11:15All right.
11:17Sit down there.
11:18All right, first off, let's see their muscles.
11:36I think you're ready for your new Hank, the handyman tool.
11:42All right, let's take a look at it.
11:44Little baby butt crack.
11:47All right.
11:48The number one rule in home repair is safety.
11:51We're going to rewire our major appliance.
11:53We've got to cut the electricity off, all right?
11:56Come on out here.
11:59There.
12:00That.
12:02Is the fuse box.
12:04The electrical nerve center of our house.
12:07Wow.
12:08You're darn right, wow.
12:12But now we don't have to cut off all the electricity, just the section of the house we're working on.
12:15That'd be the kitchen up there, uh, kitchen.
12:20Well, I shouldn't have labeled those in pencil, should I?
12:26They're all faded and everything.
12:28Look.
12:29Well, kitchen's K.
12:31Yeah, that's kitchen.
12:32There we go.
12:33All right, Hank, the handyman.
12:34Come on, let's go.
12:37We've got to take off that excess panel.
12:39All right.
12:42Whoa.
12:43Look at all the wires in there.
12:47You know what all those wires do?
12:49Yeah, of course.
12:50I wouldn't have taken it off if I didn't.
12:53Ground.
12:54We're looking at the ground.
12:55Now, red is all red, uh, yellow, see?
13:00The sun is yellow.
13:02It heats the ground.
13:03That's how the name stopped.
13:09Does that car run?
13:18Shake it off.
13:31Are you all right, Dad?
13:33Yeah.
13:36I did that to teach you an important lesson.
13:42What's that, Dad?
13:43Well, when you work with electricity, it's a good idea to shut it all off.
13:48Now, follow me upstairs, or I'll show you to treat a severe electrical burn.
14:02Oh, no, Jill's not here.
14:05I'll take a message.
14:06Sure.
14:09Really?
14:13Yeah, I'll tell her.
14:16Mom didn't get the job.
14:18She didn't.
14:19No.
14:20Listen.
14:21She's gonna really need us now.
14:23When she gets home, she's gonna feel real sad.
14:26So, why don't you go upstairs and wash up,
14:28because she just loves it when you're all clean.
14:31Dad!
14:32Dad!
14:32Yeah, Randy?
14:34Look at this neat turtle shell.
14:35I found it down at the creek.
14:37You didn't yank the turtle out of there, did you?
14:42No.
14:43If I go down to that creek and find some confused turtle swimming without a shell,
14:46I'm gonna...
14:46Dad!
14:47I'm gonna go make it into a drum.
14:49Dad!
14:51Wilson, that's the best part about being a boy, is collecting all that useless junk.
14:56I wouldn't call it useless, Tim.
14:58The ancient Malaysians used a turtle shell as an aphrodisiac.
15:03Turtle shell?
15:03Yeah.
15:05Wouldn't that hurt putting it on?
15:09Tim?
15:12I'm out here, honey.
15:13Tim!
15:15Keep the boys off the phone.
15:17I think I'm gonna hear about that job.
15:19Honey, actually, I...
15:20I'm so excited.
15:20Oh, gosh, you wouldn't believe it.
15:21It was the best interview ever.
15:24Really?
15:24Today?
15:24Oh, yeah.
15:25I nailed it.
15:26There is no way on earth that I am not gonna get this job.
15:29The earth is such a big place.
15:32Oh, really, really.
15:33You should have seen me.
15:34I was so impressive.
15:35I looked this vice president right in the eye, and I said,
15:39Is that grease on your hand?
15:41No.
15:43That's an electrical burn.
15:45Did you touch the dishwasher?
15:48Did I touch the dishwasher?
15:50You're a dead man.
15:51Jill, hold on.
15:52What did you do?
15:53Show me what you did.
15:54Boy, are you cute when you're panicking.
15:55That big vein in your forehead just sticks right out.
16:00What the hell is that?
16:01That is the power source to your new dishwasher.
16:04Take it out.
16:04No, no, no, no.
16:05No, take it out now.
16:05You don't like the fact that I improved the dishwasher.
16:08Remember that yoke that wouldn't come off the plate this morning?
16:10Watch this.
16:15Hear that, huh?
16:17That's a Finley two-stage, five-horse, blast-master compressor.
16:20Air delivery system is 18 cubic feet per square minute.
16:22That should say testosterone right on there.
16:24Because that, that is a man's dishwasher.
16:47Hey, Mark, you didn't tighten that hex bolt like I asked you to.
16:52Stay away from there.
16:53Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
16:54Wait, wait, wait, stay out.
16:54I don't want you to get hurt.
16:55There's broken stuff there.
16:56I'm going to call Tommy.
16:58He's got it.
16:58No, no, don't use the phone.
16:59I'm waiting for a call about my job.
17:01Daddy already got that call.
17:06Sorry.
17:07You didn't get the job, Mom.
17:09Mark.
17:12I didn't get the job?
17:15I wanted to wait for the right time to tell you, and the dishwasher exploded.
17:19That wasn't it.
17:23I am really, really sorry.
17:27You all right?
17:28I'll get the broom.
17:32Don't, you, you don't touch this.
17:34I will clean all this up.
17:35I'll get...
17:37Hey, look on the bright side, honey.
17:39It wasn't a full load.
17:43I asked you not to touch the dishwasher, but you didn't listen, did you?
17:46It's fine.
17:47I am not going to get angry.
17:49I mean, it makes more work for me, but I don't mind.
17:52I like to work.
17:54It's just, you know, too bad nobody will hire me.
17:56You don't have to feel bad.
17:57Don't tell me how to feel.
17:59I'm just saying, if it were me, what I would...
18:00It's not you, Tim.
18:01It's me.
18:01What I mean is you don't have to work.
18:06You don't really want me to work, Tim.
18:08No, no, no, no, no, no.
18:10I make enough money for both of us.
18:12No, this is not about money.
18:13This is...
18:14This is about me having a life outside of this house.
18:17My...
18:17My autonomy.
18:18Your autonomy?
18:19Yeah.
18:19How do you spell it?
18:20Don't start.
18:23Sweetheart, what you got to do...
18:24Oh, this is great.
18:25Now I got to take advice from a guy who crances around a TV studio grunting like a baboon.
18:30What does that have to do with it?
18:31While Miss Benford Toolgirl flashes her big headlights.
18:35Lisa?
18:35No, Al.
18:37Al.
18:39What does Lisa have to do with this?
18:41She didn't take your job.
18:42She's got a job.
18:44Oh.
18:52What?
19:02What a mess.
19:06How are you, Tim?
19:08Hi, Wilson.
19:11Boy, does that smell good.
19:12Baby back ribs?
19:13No, no, no.
19:14Squirrel.
19:18I tell you, Tim, this is what it's all about.
19:21Catch of the day cooking.
19:22Sun setting.
19:24Men standing around the campfire and telling stories.
19:28Mind if I tell you a story, Wilson?
19:30Campfire's lit, good neighbor.
19:32Jill doesn't get the job she wants.
19:34I tell her not to feel bad.
19:36She gets angry.
19:40All right, so then I tell her what she should do.
19:43She jumps all over me and then walks away.
19:47Sounds like you were having an asymmetrical conversation.
19:51Asymmetrical?
19:52How do you spell that?
19:55Let's just say one-sided.
19:58You see, Tim, by nature, men are problem solvers, but Jill didn't want you to solve her problem.
20:02She didn't?
20:03No, no, no.
20:04She just wanted you to listen while she shared her feelings.
20:07Just stand there and listen?
20:09Wouldn't that be like not doing anything?
20:11Sometimes the best thing you can do, Tim, is nothing.
20:15Oh.
20:18Jill got mad at me because I didn't listen to her.
20:21No, I think she got mad at you because you blew up the damn dishwasher.
20:30People often ask me, they say,
20:32Tim, why is your show so darn popular?
20:35I'll tell you what I think.
20:36I think that working with your hands puts you in touch with something primitive, almost atavistic.
20:46It's almost like reclaiming the male spirit, if you will.
20:49I think you know where I'm headed with this one.
20:51I'm talking about masculinism.
20:53A flat-out, big pectoral, look at my deltoids, hairy-chested celebration of men.
21:01But this wouldn't be anti-female.
21:03No, that's all wrong to think that.
21:05Just like this sander vibrates in harmony with the grain of the wood,
21:11we men should learn how to vibrate in harmony with our wives.
21:19So if you...
21:23If you have an occasion to have a disagreement with your wife,
21:28you should be man enough to not be asymmetrical.
21:33Because that would be one-sided.
21:35You should be man enough to look at her and say,
21:39I'm sorry, Jill.
21:41Or Betty or Ruth, or whatever her name would be.
21:44Anyway, let's finish sanding that table.
21:48What you said on the show today is really sweet, Tim.
21:53I don't know whether you noticed, but...
21:55Your name was Jill, and I used the name Jill.
21:58Maybe you caught the hidden double meaning.
22:00It was subtle, dear, but I did grasp it.
22:03Am I forgiven?
22:05Yeah, forgiven.
22:08Well, that's it for me, Tim, the tool man, Taylor.
22:12I'll finish up today with today's household tip.
22:14Very important one, as all of my tips are.
22:17Remember, folks, always, and I do mean always,
22:19label that fuse box.
22:22Any...
22:31You know, Jill, I still think you're making a big mistake
22:33not letting me install that dishwasher.
22:35I have other plans for you.
22:37You do?
22:38Yeah, when was the last time that we spent any serious time together
22:43in the backseat of a car?
22:45When Brad threw up that pizza.
22:49No, no, no, really.
22:49If you apologize to me, I think I should apologize to you.
22:52Really?
22:53Yeah, I really want to do it right.
22:54Yeah?
22:55Uh-huh.
22:55Back seat?
22:58Garage?
22:59It's like our honeymoon?
23:04Here.
23:04Let me get that.
23:06And that.
23:09This hand-saver lady soft touch is one of our most popular models.
23:16Hey, let me add.
23:18Hey, lady, there's a crazy man in your backyard.
23:24Is that the guy with the tool show on TV?
23:27Hey, let me add.
23:31Stop laying it at me.
23:32Her, get her.
23:34What's he doing now?
23:35I think he's trying to reclaim his male spirit.
23:43Hey, let me add.
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