- 8 hours ago
Family Guy - Season 24 - Episode 04: Bringing Up Brady
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:01It seems today that all you see is violence in movies and sex on TV.
00:08But where are those good old-fashioned values on which we used to rely?
00:15Lucky is a family guy. Lucky is a man who wants to give and can do all the things that
00:22make us laugh and cry.
00:25He's a family guy!
00:34Ah, Sunday at the Clam. No family, just football, farts and friends.
00:39Hey Jerome, could you turn the volume up?
00:41Nothing like a national ad with mismatched local audio at the end.
00:45The new Chevy Blazer. All roads, all seasons. Go explore.
00:49Shop our deals at Cerrone's Autobahn, Route 1, Pawtucket.
00:56And that'll do it here from Denver where the Patriots lose their fifth straight 41-6.
01:02Ugh, I hate that people in Denver get to be happy the rest of the afternoon while we have to
01:06be sad.
01:07It's only 2 o'clock there. Mountain time.
01:09The man knows his owns.
01:11The only good thing about the game was listening to Tom Brady.
01:13Yeah, it's fun having him in the booth.
01:15Guys, he's doing a game next week at Foxboro. We should go!
01:18I don't know. The traffic on Route 1 is a nightmare.
01:22I'll tell you what isn't a nightmare on Route 1. The savings at Cerrone's Autobahn in Pawtucket.
01:27You kinda heard the man. We're going!
01:33Ryan! Treat!
01:38Where is it? Where is it? I've been a good boy!
01:39Yeah, I don't have a treat. I just need your help moving a mattress.
01:42Don't do that! You have no idea!
01:44Okay, whoa, geez, whatever.
01:46Anyway, Rupert somehow got his legs stuck between the side of the crib and the mattress.
01:50Looks like he's also handcuffed to the bars.
01:52Yeah, that's something else. Let's focus on the mattress.
01:55I need you to help me move it so we can free him.
02:01What the deuce?
02:02Brian, is that a built-in ashtray?
02:04It appears to be, yeah.
02:05How old is this crib?
02:07Well, I think a lot of the stuff in here is hand-me-downs from Meg and Chris.
02:11And Peter and Lois before them.
02:12Wait, parents would smoke while putting the baby down for a nap?
02:16No, the baby would smoke while the parents were at work.
02:18This was before babysitters, you gotta remember.
02:20Ugh, I deserve better than this white trash furniture.
02:24Well, maybe the place could use some freshening up.
02:26You know what? I'll take you to Ikea.
02:28What's that?
02:28It's a furniture store where people go to eat meatballs and argue with their wives.
02:32Oh, right, that place near the airport.
02:34Yeah, they're always near the airport.
02:36And no other stores.
02:41And the home of the brave.
02:49Uh-oh. I think she's holding it until the flyover.
02:56Boy, they're really late today.
03:07Greatest country in the world, right?
03:10I'm gonna hold eye contact till you respond.
03:13Oh, absolutely.
03:14Love it or leave it.
03:15Chowder here! Get your hot chowder!
03:18Meg, what the hell are you doing here?
03:20Well, every three years vendor license is expired.
03:23So every three years there's a re-evaluation of-
03:25Sh-shorter story, Meg.
03:27I applied for the job and I got it.
03:29Yes, that is the exact length of story that men want to hear.
03:32Please pass the word amongst your people.
03:34So who wants a creamy clam squirt?
03:36Uh, giggity?
03:38Guys, look at this. There's Brady in the booth.
03:42God, he's gorgeous.
03:44Yeah, I saw him earlier. That's right where I refill my clam vat.
03:48Wait, you saw him? Let me smell your eyes.
03:50Meg, you gotta get us in there.
03:52I don't know. Security's pretty tight.
03:54Oh, I can smooth-talk celebrities.
03:56You know, I used to be Eddie Murphy's late-night pizza and prostitute guy.
04:03Hello?
04:03Peter, I need two meat lovers.
04:06Again, I need to know if you're talking about pizzas or prostitutes.
04:10Okay, never mind. I want two Hawaiians. And make sure they hot.
04:14I feel like our system isn't quite working, Edward.
04:22God, this place is so crowded. Who are all these people?
04:25Mostly step-families furnishing the lesser house they got after the divorce.
04:29The second time around you want stuff that's not worth fighting over.
04:31Oh, here we are. Kids' bedrooms.
04:35Oh, these are quite nice.
04:37I feel like I'm in the Olympic village of a not-good country.
04:40I like this bed. The coke's a fall.
04:42Oh, sorry. That one's on back order, but we could get it to you in six to eight weeks.
04:47Really?
04:48Yeah, the one thing you want is always the one thing that's out of stock.
04:52That's the Ikea promise.
04:54Sounds like more of a threat.
04:56Uh, I think it sort of walks the line nicely between the two.
04:59Oh, and there's some assembly required.
05:02How much is some?
05:03Oh.
05:04Okay, give us a moment.
05:05That's fine. I'm quitting soon, anyway.
05:09Ah.
05:09You know, Brian, I just had a thought.
05:12Instead of ordering all this to our house, we could just make this our house.
05:15What do you mean? You want to live here?
05:17Well, think about it.
05:18We could have a different living room every night and a different kitchen every morning.
05:22I don't know.
05:23And Brian, look at that.
05:25A whole array of elevated dog bowls.
05:27Wow.
05:28I won't have to lower my face to the floor like some scumbag cat.
05:32You know what? I'm in.
05:34Excuse me. Is this bed in stock?
05:36What? I don't work here.
05:37No, I know. I work here. I just don't know anything.
05:46And that's the end of the third quarter. We'll be right back after this word from your local station.
05:53Who is it?
05:54Yes, we're the family of the people murdered by Aaron Hernandez, and we're here to collect our signed football.
05:59Oh, well, you deserve at least that.
06:02Hey, Tom.
06:03Oh, God. I don't know what's happening.
06:05So, Tom, what was your favorite time zone to play in?
06:09That was the question you were fired up about in the elevator?
06:12Oh, are we kidding? We can't lie to you, Tom.
06:15We're just drunk men who get burped nervous when talking to our hero.
06:18So, 35 and 13 in the playoffs, huh?
06:21Can we call security?
06:22Security!
06:24Clear out of here, you knuckleheads!
06:26I'm sorry. I told them not to bother you.
06:29Wow. Your forearms are massive. Do you do resistance training?
06:33No, but I do take a Popeye class at Equinox.
06:35Ha! Popeye, that's one of the six pop culture references I know.
06:39I owe you for saving my butt.
06:41You know, I'm in town for a few days.
06:43Maybe I could take you out for a cup of coffee while I have a room temperature brown mushroom liquid.
06:48Sounds great!
06:49Ugh, speaking of room temperature brown liquids, I gotta go lady spatter the mezzanine toilet.
06:55You see, when vendors have extra clam chowder...
06:57Short-shorter story, Meg.
07:04Oh, Meg, I am so proud of you! A date with Tom Brady!
07:08Okay, now I know Tom Brady is my favorite athlete, but you are still my teenage daughter.
07:13So I'll just say, if he's doing hand stuff on you, try and snap up a Super Bowl ring.
07:17Dad! Come on, Peter!
07:19Come on, what? I'm basing this on you, Lois.
07:21Meg, you might not notice, but your mom is basically like the little shop of horrors plant down there.
07:25Guys, it's just coffee. It's not like we're getting married.
07:29Married to Tom Brady? Wow, I'll finally have a son I can be proud of!
07:37Hi, I'd like to tattoo the word whore on my chest.
07:41Getting back at your dad.
07:42You saw the last scene, huh?
07:44Yeah, big fan.
07:46You actually tattoo a lot of pictures of your little brother on fat people's ankles.
07:50Oh, you mean this guy?
07:53Nice!
08:00Ugh, I ate so much breakfast fish, I'm worried I'm not going to have room for my lunch fish.
08:05I might go take a walk, see where the arrows take me.
08:07Yesterday, they took me to art any orthodontist would be proud to display.
08:11Okay, sounds good.
08:12I might go pretend right on one of the cardboard computers in one of the fake dens.
08:17I like our life.
08:24All right, mate, you have coffee with Tom.
08:26I'm going to steal somebody's phone order and let them worry about it.
08:29Dozen for Rajiv?
08:30Yes, sir.
08:33Oh, holy crap, Tom Brady?
08:36I gotta call my almost-deaf brother.
08:38Billy!
08:39Billy!
08:39Billy, Tom Brady just walked into our Dunkin' Donuts!
08:42Tom Brady!
08:43No, I'm not going to call him Benedict Donald!
08:46Billy, I'm not going to call him Benedict Donald!
08:48My brother Billy thinks you're Benedict Donald.
08:50Well, New England will always be home to me, is what I've been told to say.
08:55Hey, Meg!
08:56Hey, Mr. Brady!
08:57Please, Mr. Brady is my surprisingly unattractive father.
09:01Call me Tom.
09:02Okay, Tom.
09:03So, is it cool being back?
09:05You're like a god around here.
09:07Well, in my playing days, maybe, but now that I'm an announcer,
09:10it's like starting all over again.
09:11Only this time, I don't have Coach Belichick talking in my ear.
09:15It's easy.
09:16All you have to do is watch the game and relay what's happening.
09:18Like, if the middle linebacker drops into deep coverage,
09:21you know that you're facing a Tampa 2 defense.
09:24Wow.
09:25How does a pretty girl like you know so much about football?
09:28I'm a woman in New England.
09:30I'm required to watch football, but forbidden to speak during it.
09:34Meg, I'd love to have you talking into my earpiece during the game.
09:37I really think you could put me on the right track.
09:40I'd love that!
09:41Great!
09:42Then we'll-
09:42Ow!
09:43What the-
09:44Haha!
09:45Peter, I got the ring!
09:46Let's go!
09:54Excuse me, do you mind if we try the sofa?
09:56Uh, we're a shoes-off household.
09:59Do you know if the sofa folds out?
10:00Oh, so she wants to put your mom on a sofa bed?
10:03It's gonna be your bed in eight months if you're not careful.
10:06This must be the dickish baby from the Yelp review.
10:08You have to Yelp, Ikea?
10:10Yep, it's definitely him.
10:16Well, this Vikings team really needs a win tonight against the Cowboys.
10:20Tom, give us your keys to the game.
10:23The three keys tonight are defense, defense, defense.
10:27Then compliment his tie.
10:28The three keys tonight are defense, defense, defense.
10:31Then compliment his tie.
10:32Oh, thank you very much, sir.
10:34My wife picked it out.
10:35Okay, we'll work on the compliments.
10:39Now, the Vikings D-line is gonna have their work cut out for them.
10:42But remember, as Lou Holt said...
10:45No one ever drowned in sweat.
10:47Excellent point, Tom.
10:48You're killing it.
10:50Now, just do a lackluster promo for a new Fox show.
10:52Stick around after the game for an all-new Animal Control on Fox.
10:57Why watch limitless free porn on your phone when you can see Joel McHale try to catch a ferret?
11:02Animal Control.
11:12All right, looks like we finally got the place to ourselves.
11:15I call Top Bunk.
11:16I also call Top Bunk.
11:20Wow, when the place is empty like this, it's like we live in a mansion.
11:23And do you know what people who live in mansions do?
11:25They host dinner parties.
11:27You wanna host a dinner party in the store?
11:29Provided I can lose nine pounds by Saturday.
11:32You weigh eight pounds.
11:33I didn't say it was going to be easy.
11:35Finally, I don't have to be ashamed of where I live anymore.
11:38This is my chance to ingratiate myself to the movers and shaker of Quahog.
11:42You mean movers and shakers?
11:44No, Quahog is loaded with movers, but it's only got the one shaker.
11:47We'll set it for 8.05 after closing.
11:50Driving is encouraged. Plenty of parking.
11:52Look at us, Brian. It's just what we always talked about.
11:55I don't recall ever having this conversation.
11:57Yeah, you know, living in a store with your buddy.
12:00Eating so much fish you feel crazy.
12:02Yeah, we definitely never talked about this, but I'm also having a nice time.
12:06Good night, Stewie.
12:07I bet we're having the best time of anyone living in any store.
12:18Well, time is running out in this game, which is a good thing because...
12:21I just got my period and I have to get to the bathroom.
12:23It's a crime scene down there.
12:25Well, that's all tonight from Minnesota as the Vikings hold on to beat the Cowboys 28 to 24.
12:31And we're clear.
12:32Great job tonight, Tom.
12:34Want to come get blackout drunk with me in a second tier American city because we're sports announcers?
12:38Sorry, I can't. I've got this date with the Victoria's Secret model.
12:42Oh, are you guys getting serious?
12:44No, I get with a different model every night.
12:46And I've kind of been hanging out with this chick, Meg.
12:49But just for her football knowledge.
12:51Is she hot?
12:51No. On a scale of 1 to 10, they have to put her on a different scale because she's like
12:56200 pounds.
12:59Meg, you're missing an all-new animal control on Fox.
13:02And any one of them could be the last one ever.
13:12Meg, are you okay?
13:13No, I'm not.
13:15Tom Brady's been using me for my football knowledge and I thought that he liked me,
13:19but then I was listening over the headphones.
13:20Shorter. He's really got to be shorter, sweetie.
13:23Tom thinks I'm ugly.
13:24Okay, yeah, I can see that.
13:50All right, our dinner party guests should be here any minute.
13:53Wait, how are they going to believe this is your house?
13:55What about the store sign?
13:57I just covered it with a giant banner.
14:01Did you steal that from the children's hospital?
14:03People know about cancer.
14:08Who's even coming to this thing?
14:10Well, you know Orville Redenbacher?
14:12We got his grandson, Josh.
14:13Also, M. Ron Hubbard.
14:15The French president's bizarrely older wife.
14:17The gal who metooed Matt Lauer.
14:19And of course, the heiress, Agnes R. Thermos.
14:22The heiress to what fortune?
14:23Oh, yeah, I think I got it.
14:24Oh, no.
14:25It might be all white people, Brian.
14:27I think I screwed up.
14:28Well, now you can't post a group shot.
14:30Well, it wasn't on purpose.
14:31Those are just the people I know.
14:32Why do I feel bad for getting my friends together?
14:35Oh, thank God.
14:36What?
14:37Josh Redenbacher's girlfriend is black.
14:39Group photo, everyone.
14:45You have such a lovely home,
14:47and the layout is so interesting.
14:49Well, every time we go on vacation,
14:51we seem to come home with another kitchen.
14:52Brian, can I have a word?
14:55It appears the French president's wife left a
14:58feces abnormal in the toilet just off the third kitchen.
15:01So?
15:02There's no plumbing.
15:03These toilets are just sitting on the floor.
15:05You know what?
15:05I'll handle it.
15:07Excuse me, everyone.
15:08Hi.
15:09As you're enjoying your endive salad,
15:11just a quick bit of housekeeping.
15:12Feel free to use any one of the 40 commodes on the premises,
15:15but please note that we're doing a one-and-done situation,
15:18so only use one that hasn't been previously used.
15:21Wow, individual toilets.
15:23How fancy.
15:24My grandpa made popcorn.
15:27Yes, Josh, you mentioned that.
15:28Crisis averted.
15:29If you'll excuse me,
15:30I'll go check out our game hens.
15:33Brian, may I have a word?
15:36All right, so it seems that the game hens I put in the oven six hours ago
15:40are still solid blocks of ice.
15:42Much like the toilets,
15:43the ovens appear to be just objects on the ground.
15:45Well, we could order food.
15:47Uber Eats says Shake Shack could be here in an hour and 45 minutes.
15:50Should I pull the trigger?
15:51Brian, I'm on the verge of being invited to summer at the Thermos Estate on Lake George.
15:55I'd be damned if I'm going to let them realize this isn't actually our home.
15:59Oh, Stewie, darling, I hope it's not an imposition,
16:02but I invited my cousin Ingeborg to join us.
16:06She's just in town for the weekend from Stockholm.
16:08Why are we going to kill this bitch?
16:12Right, we gotta kill this bitch.
16:17Look at us, Lois.
16:19Finally, empty nesters.
16:20Which brings me to my next point.
16:22I feel we've been growing apart for years,
16:24and I want to give it a go on my own down at the marina.
16:26Peter, we're not empty nesters.
16:28Stewie's with Brian and Chris bent down to pick up his spoon.
16:31The only one missing is Meg, and I am really worried about her.
16:35You don't have to worry, Mom.
16:37She's on her way to the Super Bowl to ruin Tom Brady's life.
16:40How do you know that?
16:41It's in her diary. Take a look.
16:43I don't want to look at Meg's diarrhea.
16:45No, her diary. It's like a journal.
16:48I thought diary was the singular of diarrhea.
16:50So the diary of Anne Frank was a book?
16:53Oh, boy, I owe the Museum of Tolerance an apology.
17:07All right, I'd say she's neutralized.
17:09Let's get back to the party.
17:11All right, so we're just going to go straight to the dessert,
17:13which is vending machine Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
17:16Just take one and pass it down.
17:18Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
17:19From Milan.
17:21Ooh.
17:21Fancy.
17:22Matt Lauer loves these.
17:24Italy buys 16 metric tons of popcorn per year.
17:27I don't have the context to know if that's a lot or a little, Josh.
17:31Well, I'd like to propose a toast to our two gracious hosts,
17:34neither of whom I know.
17:37Wait.
17:38Why is there a price tag under this glass?
17:45Too bad, Agnes.
17:46We could have had fun at Lake George.
17:48I tried 40 sinks, but I can't wash my hands.
17:51What's this room?
17:57I should have just sat there and ate your Reese's.
18:00You know, Stewie, I can't talk to Josh Redenbacher about crypto again.
18:03Should we just call it and get out of here?
18:04Yeah, I already got the group photo.
18:11Welcome to Super Sunday on Fox.
18:14Tom, what do you think about today's game?
18:16Yeah, good.
18:17Should be some football.
18:19Come on, Meg.
18:20Where are you?
18:30I'm in.
18:36All right, Peter, we're coming up on the stadium.
18:38Thanks for doing this, Quagmire.
18:39I gotta stop Meg before she ruins Tom Brady's life.
18:42No problem.
18:43Okay, here we go.
18:44Jump in three, two...
18:45Do you have a lollipop in your mouth?
18:47No.
18:47No lollipops.
18:48What are you, the lollipop police?
18:50Your Honor?
18:53Why did you let me do that?
18:55I almost died.
18:58Hey, Quagmire, have them open the dome.
19:00They can't open the dome.
19:01It's a dome.
19:02Well, you've done all you can.
19:21Oh no, I landed on Bill Belichick's girlfriend.
19:25She's only a child.
19:30And after this time out, the Chiefs are set up first and goal from the five.
19:35While we have this break in the action...
19:37There's something important I wanna say.
19:39Meg Griffin, will you marry me?
19:42Yes!
19:43Yes!
19:43A thousand times yes!
19:45This woman smells like hot dogs!
19:47Stop!
19:48Meg, don't ruin Tom Brady's life!
19:50No, I gave my word.
19:52And I've always viewed myself as an honest and truthful guy.
19:55Except for Deflategate, Spygate, and when I promised my wife I'd retire and then played for seven more years.
20:00So, yes, Meg, I will marry you.
20:03Is this really happening?
20:05Meg, you helped me be a better announcer.
20:08The least I can do is throw away the rest of my life for you.
20:11Aww.
20:12I go to bed at seven, and I don't eat cheese.
20:15Oh, but I can eat cheese, right?
20:17Nope.
20:18No cheese house.
20:20Oh, who am I kidding?
20:22I can't trap you into something you don't wanna be a part of.
20:25You've got the rest of your weird life ahead of you.
20:28Thank you, Meg.
20:29And I really want you to know...
20:30Hey!
20:31I got the Seahawks ring, Meg. Let's go!
20:41Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker.
20:43Two of Quahog's movers and its only shaker were found bound and gagged at a local furniture store earlier tonight.
20:49Police suspect Matt Lauer may be involved, as one of the victims was his former accuser.
20:53I'm honestly fine with that.
20:56Oh, boy.
20:57What is it?
20:58Apparently one black person's not enough.
21:00Cleveland's dragging me on Instagram.
21:02One black person.
21:03One black and dah, I have even...
21:06One black man, shoot me a mouse.
21:29I'm not sure about that.
21:29Yep.алсяilということ
21:32in Reverse All stain, hon, been.
Comments