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00:00Yeah, thanks, Chez. Well, I'll come and pick her up in a bit, yeah?
00:04All right, thank you.
00:07She's staying for a tea.
00:08Well, she's right. We're her parents, and we should have been able to sort this.
00:12Yeah, well, I was on my way to sorting it before you started.
00:17Nobody had planned for that.
00:19Oh, that's like my house.
00:21Oh, wow.
00:23I was going to say it wasn't me, but I think it actually wasn't me.
00:42Welcome to more catastrophes from your favourite faces.
00:46Bradley Walsh almost falls on his blankety-blank.
00:55Jimmy Carr goes too far.
00:58I didn't say a goddamn word.
01:00Yeah.
01:02And James Martin is nearly eaten alive.
01:06This is the most stupid programme.
01:09So let's commence the cock-ups.
01:17We start with Ant & Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway,
01:20where it's nice to see I made the right decision
01:23to be unavailable for this particular episode.
01:27With my sense of timing, I'd never pull off this trick.
01:30Now, he's a man in a big intro,
01:33so we've lined up something special for him.
01:35It's Tim Mulherm!
01:44It didn't go quite as well as planned, that, did it?
01:48Not like in rehearsals, was it in rehearsals?
01:50Oh, welcome back, guys.
01:52Welcome back.
01:53After this, someone's definitely getting fired.
01:59Just not, Stephen.
02:03Welcome to my Cotswold kitchen.
02:06Oh, Prue, I love what you've done with the place.
02:10We're joining Prue in the Cotswolds,
02:12as she's about to demonstrate a very complicated
02:15and advanced cooking technique to her husband, John.
02:19Can you whisk the whites, darling?
02:23Ooh, here we go.
02:26I'm just going to test it first, cos I...
02:28Put it in...
02:30I don't do that.
02:31That's the eject button.
02:32That's it.
02:33You just hit the eject button.
02:36Whoops!
02:39Should have married Mary Barry.
02:42She'd been much kinder.
02:43She'd been kinder.
02:45No, Prue, John made the right choice.
02:47I always say, marry the one who puts the most booze in your trifle.
02:51OK, put it in.
02:53Now I'll start.
02:57Alan Carr's sitcom Changing Ends
03:00is a labour of love for all involved,
03:03but cast and crew have so much fun making it,
03:05they've forgotten the first rule of filming.
03:08And action.
03:11Oh, it's you.
03:12Give these to your mum, will you?
03:14Some lovely pieces in there.
03:16Make sure she doesn't lump it.
03:17Ow.
03:19OK.
03:20Guys, remember to close the road.
03:27Love Island, and in the show,
03:29the islanders may come across as physically perfect,
03:32but it's a different story in the scenes that get cut out.
03:36They're so muscly, they're all, well, top-heavy.
03:44They're meant to be falling in love, not falling over.
03:50Time for school, and for all you Waterloo Road fans like me,
03:54we're bringing the character of Chloe back from the dead.
03:58Yay!
03:59Sadly, she was killed off for breaking the number one school rule.
04:03Right, OK, um, so, Izzy's brother, Tommy,
04:06sorry, I looked straight down the camera just then.
04:09Coming to you live.
04:10Yes, who knows?
04:12That's a fail, Chloe.
04:17It's the classy crime drama MacDonald and Dodds,
04:21where the real mystery for Jason Watkins is...
04:25Why are they filming this on a flight path?
04:27You knew this man was following you.
04:30He's Greek Mafia, isn't he?
04:31When he knew that he was following...
04:34Let's just wait for this.
04:38You knew this man was following you?
04:41Any minute now.
04:47Any minute.
04:52Is there more than one plane?
05:00Where is this?
05:01The car park at Stansted Airport?
05:05Oh, give it up and go for a tea break.
05:12The 9.06 to the Maldives.
05:17Oh, I think I need a week in the Maldives myself
05:19after that stressful wait.
05:24Oh, no, it's wonderful.
05:26Ricky and Ralph's road trip
05:27has brought them to the Lake District,
05:29and after a hard day on camera,
05:32it's time to relax.
05:35Shall we hover for a few minutes and have a brew?
05:37That's a perfect idea.
05:40It's always handy to bring a film crew with you on holiday
05:43so they can provide you with everything you need
05:45for the perfect cuppa.
05:47I never go anywhere without mine.
05:50Now, you see...
05:52Do you see this?
05:54You don't throw that in the water.
05:55No.
05:56Because...
05:57we don't want to pollute the water.
05:59Correct.
06:01Oh, that milk's off!
06:04Oh!
06:07It's got huge lumps in it!
06:10It's what?
06:10It's got huge lumps in it!
06:13You know that butter and milk you give us?
06:16It was off!
06:26Live TV cock-ups now.
06:29Lorraine is off work today,
06:31so sadly she's not going to get any of Andy Peter's birthday cake.
06:35Happiest of birthdays...
06:36But with Andy's serving skills,
06:37maybe that's for the best.
06:38Come back.
06:39He's coming.
06:40I knew he was.
06:42He'll catch up with us in a second.
06:44Oh, no!
06:44He's got cake!
06:45Is that for me?
06:47How nice.
06:48There we go.
06:49Thank you so much!
06:52He just fell!
06:56It's all happening today.
06:58Yeah, Christine,
06:59don't worry about checking up on him.
07:01You carry on.
07:02How are you there?
07:04Look, we're partying here.
07:05It's just the stage he's going through.
07:07Just the stage he's going through.
07:09Absolutely.
07:10Poor Andy,
07:11the only man in TV
07:12who can give himself the birthday bucks.
07:16Don't do it.
07:19How far does it go to find?
07:21Nine or ten.
07:22Oh, I'll go right up.
07:24Oh, yeah.
07:24It's brave of Alison and Dermott
07:26to give this a go,
07:27but I'm not sure live TV
07:29is the most suitable environment
07:30for learning how to cook.
07:32And I'm not saying that as a layman.
07:34I've actually got a GCSE in food technology.
07:37It's done.
07:38Yeah.
07:39Woo!
07:40Palm sugar.
07:40Palm sugar goes in with your lime juice,
07:42so you're balancing that acid and sweetness there.
07:45I don't think it's acid and sweetness Alison
07:47should be worried about here.
07:48The acidity of the lime.
07:49Why palm sugar particularly?
07:51Because it has a more caramelised flavour.
07:54Oh, Alison's is a bit more than caramelised.
07:57Do you want to turn it off now, Al?
07:58Yes.
07:58Turn it off.
07:59Yes, turn it off.
08:00Before the whole place burns down.
08:03Smoked paprika.
08:03A little bit black.
08:04Is that in time?
08:05Smoked paprika.
08:05It is OK if you like eating charcoal.
08:08A little water.
08:09No, no.
08:10Oh, I've made a gravy.
08:12Freshwater prawns and gravy.
08:15Yum.
08:15A little bit of smoked paprika.
08:17Oh, yeah.
08:17It's definitely smoked.
08:19So be very careful.
08:22Live TV news in Germany,
08:24where they're always willing
08:25to let the kids on work experience
08:27have a go in the control room.
08:33It's like a magic show.
08:35Now you see her.
08:36Now you don't.
08:39Morning, everyone.
08:40How are you doing?
08:41Tell us a bit about it.
08:42This is Australia's first self-service butcher.
08:44How did you come up with an idea like this?
08:46Self-service and meat.
08:49It's not a subject you'd think suitable
08:51for live morning television,
08:52but I suppose we are in Australia.
08:55I'll give you a unique code.
08:56You can let yourself in 24-7
08:58and there's cameras under surveillance
08:59and in two years,
09:00we've had zero shrinkage.
09:03Zero shrinkage.
09:04That's handy.
09:07Jacob, I want to know
09:08how many members you've got there.
09:10Oh, come on, guys.
09:12Stop it.
09:13No talking about his members
09:14whilst your audience
09:15are trying to tuck into
09:16their breakfast sausage.
09:18Bye-monthly or seasonally,
09:20that sort of thing
09:21when they're travelling.
09:22Well, I'm getting there
09:22as soon as I can.
09:25Sounds delicious.
09:27Thank you, big fella.
09:28So, it shows that the person...
09:29Live on Good Morning Britain,
09:31lovely Ben is about to receive
09:32a crash course in emojis,
09:35although for Ben,
09:35it's more of a car crash course.
09:37An emoji speaks a thousand words,
09:40so you must use them carefully
09:42because I have dumped guys in the past
09:44for the use of the wrong emoji.
09:46No, you haven't.
09:47Aren't you picky, Nadia?
09:49Which one has led to you
09:50dumping them?
09:51What, the thumbs up?
09:51No, like anything sort of vegetable-esque,
09:54like the aubergine.
09:56It's one of my friend's favourites.
09:58She sends me an aubergine all the time.
10:00Hmm, just a friend, is she Ben?
10:02Are you serious?
10:03Yes.
10:03Oh, my goodness, now I'm with Nadia on the phone.
10:07She sends me...
10:08That doesn't require very much...
10:09No, no, no.
10:11Because it's such a stupid emoji,
10:12so she'll say...
10:13Oh, like she's using it ironically.
10:15Yeah, yeah, yeah.
10:16So, a bit of an aubergine for heaven's sake,
10:17what's the...
10:18What's the important?
10:18What's the important?
10:20You can't be sending aubergines.
10:22Exactly.
10:23Bless you, sweet, sweet Ben.
10:25So innocent.
10:26What's being implied by sending the aubergine?
10:28Well, it's...
10:29Genuinely, it's because it's a nonsense emoji.
10:32Yeah.
10:32It's just...
10:33Oh, Ben, so trusting.
10:34I almost don't want them to tell you what it means now.
10:38No, I'm sorry for the aubergine.
10:42Yeah, exactly.
10:42Have I got a chocolate?
10:44You're never going to win.
10:45The aubergine is a no.
10:47Look at it!
10:47Come on, let's see.
10:49Let's save us, Alex.
10:51Apparently it's the weather next.
10:527.35.
10:53I forecast a red face once Ben finds out what it really means.
10:57I'm definitely not sending you an aubergine.
11:00That's good.
11:01Not again.
11:10Coming up, cock-ups on your favourite quiz shows.
11:13And, of course, no look at quiz shows would be complete without an appearance from Stephen Mulhern, now would it?
11:20OK, fingers ready.
11:22Here's your next one.
11:23Take your time with this one.
11:25Wait for the clue.
11:26But what will leave everyone clueless?
11:29It won't!
11:30It won't!
11:32Find out after the break.
11:46Welcome back.
11:48Quiz show cock-ups now.
11:50My favourite.
11:51Before the break, we were on the set of Catchphrase, and your question was, what's about to leave everyone clueless?
11:57Did you guess the answer?
11:58Here's your next one.
12:00Take your time with this one.
12:02Wait for the clue.
12:05Literally, the priorities have gone through the roof.
12:09Sorry, what?
12:10Was that the answer?
12:12Oh, Stephen, you didn't.
12:15I have never seen that!
12:17Are we still in the pool?
12:19I have never in my life done that in 10 years.
12:24I was like, this is a very tricky one, if it's not that.
12:29That's so funny.
12:31But it was Jeremy going, was that the answer?
12:34And Stephen Mulhern's on £200 now.
12:37Let's have a look at the board.
12:39Oh, my God, I'm so sorry, Valerie.
12:42Oh, brilliant.
12:43Oh, so sorry.
12:44Look at the hours on the animation they've worked.
12:46Wow.
12:46Have you honestly never done that?
12:48Stephen, you've let yourself down, you've let down the contestants, but most of all, you've
12:53let down poor Mr. Chips.
12:55We didn't, no, didn't we?
12:59I think it's the point.
13:00That's fantastic.
13:02Can I have a guess?
13:05A league of their own, where the questions are ludicrously hard.
13:09Why on earth did they think I'd know anything about sport?
13:14Thankfully, Jill Scott has discovered the perfect excuse for me to try next time I'm on.
13:19Blue team, I am going to need an answer from you.
13:23Who blends their roast dinners, who eats their meals backwards, and who talks to their water before drinking it?
13:28Let's see what you've got.
13:31What do you think, guys?
13:32Nothing's happening.
13:33Nothing's happening.
13:35Jill Scott, MBE, her screen has gone down.
13:38Can you bring me the f***ing who's responsible?
13:40And I'll do it in a major.
13:41I'm so sorry this has happened, Jill.
13:42I know.
13:43We're a national treasure, and people are f***ing up!
13:46You told us this was like...
13:48I'm only joking, Jill's screen's not working.
13:50Can we sell that?
13:54Alan Carr's epic game show, and is that yuletide joy I can smell?
13:59No, it's just members of the audience who've had too many Christmas spirits.
14:03But isn't it good of the celebrities to give up their valuable time at such a busy time of year?
14:08Yes!
14:10Clearly, they're very big-hearted, and also clearly didn't get offered a lucrative panto roll this year.
14:15Oh, yes, they did it!
14:18No, seriously, they didn't.
14:19Oh, yes, they did it!
14:21They...
14:22They didn't!
14:23They didn't!
14:25They didn't!
14:28You weren't meant to say it once, you morons!
14:37Where have you got these?
14:38Have they just gone into a weather spooge with a net?
14:41Somehow, I don't think the audience will be making Alan's Christmas card list.
14:45And who better than celebrities to...
14:48Now, a serious question about mammals on Tenable.
14:52I'm not sure why Warwick's audience think it's so funny.
14:57OK, Dick, here are your ten clues.
15:01Screaming Harry, Greater Horseshoe, Grizzly, European Roe, German Shepherd, Hazel, Fennec, Clydesdale, Brown-throated Three-toed, and Sperm.
15:17They're so childish, honestly.
15:19Every year, we have this.
15:21The producers are reminding Warwick, in his earpiece, what he now needs to say.
15:26OK.
15:29You can't make me go to that sentence next.
15:37OK, Anne Sperm.
15:40How do you feel about that, Dick?
15:48I don't know, why are you laughing?
15:51I've no idea why she's laughing, either.
15:58Countdown, my favourite game involving words and numbers that isn't the one where I try to remember my online banking
16:03password.
16:04Laura.
16:05Budgies.
16:06Budgies, she smuggled seven points, Brendan.
16:08Budgies.
16:09Ah, at least you didn't smuggle them, eh?
16:12I just said...
16:15Brendan, maybe you should have smuggled in a hearing aid.
16:19Budgies, seven points.
16:23Blankety-blank now, and if there's a catchier theme tune on television, I can't think of it.
16:28In this clip, Brad Walsh proves it's not just Brad Pitt who can do all his own stunts.
16:33Righto troops, everyone on my street loves me.
16:38Everyone on my street loves me.
16:39In fact, whenever I walk down the road, I hear people say, there goes...
16:47Barney Walsh's dad?
16:56Isn't he a massive blank?
17:00Jill Scott's ready to tackle that. She can do it without even leaving her seat.
17:16Leave the physical stuff to the gladiators, Brad.
17:18Oh, God.
17:35Be kind, you lot.
17:38Always, Bradley, always.
17:51TV presenter cock-ups now. Oh, yeah, it's not as easy as it looks and on this morning. It's Friday
17:57the 13th. I'm lucky for some
17:58But specifically I'm lucky for Allison
18:02Good morning and welcome to your Friday's this morning everyone know something. It's the last Friday of the week. Yeah
18:13The last Friday of the week
18:16It's the last Friday. It's the last and only Friday of the week. Congratulations for that. But guess what? It's
18:22only
18:24It's only Friday the 13th. I love you so much. Oh, she's going to be embarrassed about that tomorrow
18:29Which to be clear will be Saturday, Allison. That's Saturday
18:35The one show where Alex Jones proves that TV presenting is as easy as A, B
18:42What comes next?
18:44Well, it's difficult to know where to start isn't it because you've all got so much to talk about, but
18:49we're gonna start with you
18:50Bill, okay for best call order. Thank you. No, I'm very excited
19:01We'll go down
19:04I mean
19:10I was gonna be kind and say maybe Alex was thinking of the Welsh alphabet, but I looked up and
19:14it starts in exactly the same way
19:19Over to BBC breakfast where it's not just the weather that's unpredictable. It's the weather presenters, too
19:26It's approaching a quarter past six. Let's check in on what the weather is doing. Carol has all these details.
19:31Good morning to go
19:31Oh, it's Sarah indeed. Carol you changed. Sorry. A surprise Carol. Good morning
19:37Carol you've regenerated
19:40That's embarrassing for you, Ben, but look on the bright side. There's a rainbow
19:45I'm so sorry Sarah. I hadn't turned to look at the screen and there you are of course
19:50Nice to have you with us this morning. I'm sorry to call you Carol. Oh dear. I forecast a cold
19:55front sweeping across the next team drinks
19:57like it's just gone cool
20:00Of course the most important thing a TV presenter needs to remember is
20:04Turn up for work
20:07And also just in breaking news
20:11Normally, we do have a third person who is with us Alan Hughes. He's been here for a while. He
20:16sure has
20:17Forted the alarm clock didn't go this morning
20:21He's fine. He's on the way into work
20:2325 minutes later and there is still no sign, but I'm sure presenter Alan can rely on his colleagues to
20:29cover for him and not throw him under the bus
20:32Plus myself and Alan Hughes any sign of that any sign of the traffic is very bad
20:37The traffic is very bad this morning. It's very bad this morning
20:40With friends like these who needs enemies if he decides to arrive
20:45It'll get you
20:48TV presenting can flummox even the iconic Lorraine here in a discussion about Taylor Swift's romance with Mattie Healey
20:55She accidentally makes a bit of a boob
20:58No, the the romance of the year. Yeah, no have we got to a point Lorraine where they have that
21:05the joint name because I was just trying to think
21:06I mean, you can't really have Swift Hill or a team at but I quite like Mattie T. Oh, okay
21:16Let's go with Mattie T. You and I will always call them Mattie T. Lorraine honestly, what do you like?
21:24I?
21:24Think you just about got away with it, but whatever you do resist the urge and don't say it again
21:31The turret who knows what's gonna happen with Mattie T. Matt. I'm gonna make Mattie T a bit. It sounds
21:38like my titty
21:43Don't be really really do know I don't know a lot of people do want that they do the ratings
21:50have just gone through the roof
21:53Back on Ireland a.m. The show has been on air for one hour and
21:5736 minutes and there's still no sign of their presenter Alan
22:12Alan is lucky if this show was on ITV. He'd already have been replaced by Stephen Mulhern
22:17It worked! Derek! It worked! It worked! Roger! Roger! Look who has arrived in the studio!
22:25Stop! Hello! Stop! I'm not the better of it!
22:29Oh Alan, and you're still wearing your pyjama top!
22:32So first of all your alarm doesn't go off
22:34Your producer phones you. Where are you? And then you go I'll be there in ten minutes. Fine I'll be
22:40there in ten minutes
22:41An hour and ten minutes. Chaos is it? It's chaos on the M50
22:55That sound you can hear it's the school bell ringing for the break but before that I just want to
23:01say to the teachers in bad education
23:02It's your own time you're wasting
23:06I miss you babes. I miss you too much, sorry
23:10That was so awkward anyway
23:13Try again
23:14Well I miss you babes
23:15I'm so sorry
23:17You've got, I've got to stop you there
23:18No but then I'm going to come back onto my
23:20Sorry, alright, okay
23:21Sorry
23:23One more time
23:24Well I miss you babes
23:25I miss you too mate, good luck with the job aunt
23:26Or trips
23:27So sorry
23:28For them, detention, but for us it's break time
23:43Welcome back still to come
23:45News bulletin bloopers
23:47It actually says for sex, sex in there
23:52All creatures not so great
23:57And some dodgy daytime TV
24:00That's what's known as the Freudian slip
24:04Stay with us as the cock-ups keep coming
24:10Ghosts and how hard can it be to do a simple scene of dropping a phone in the bath
24:15Well, it turns out very hard indeed
24:20Wonderful
24:21Yes, mercy
24:22Yes, the name for the book is
24:24Whoa
24:24Oh no
24:25Oh no
24:27Oh no
24:30Oh no
24:30Not the Cabernet Sauvignon
24:34I can see your voice
24:36A BBC show for the whole family
24:38You hear that Jimmy?
24:40I said it's a family show
24:42What's the thing now I see with the bros
24:44Where they sort of call mumble
24:46Like they're all stuck up like that
24:47Aren't they?
24:48Dead straight
24:48What is that?
24:49It's laminating
24:50Yeah, laminating
24:51I do that
24:51You laminate a flower, not a bro
24:53Yeah
24:54You can laminate your brows now
24:56Laminating a lady's face meant something very different when I was allowed
25:01Oh, Jimmy
25:02Now you've lowered the tone
25:04Everyone is at it
25:07What the hell?
25:08I spend my life on TikTok
25:10Right
25:11And I've never come across his face
25:34When in Rome do what the Romans do for me that means have a limoncello spritz and drive badly
25:43Of course you could always have a sing song
25:45We're going to a village
25:47We'll have a village
25:49I need to find some
25:51Oh, fucked it
25:52Sorry lads
25:53Hmm, interesting use of Latin
25:55Sorry
25:59To Coronation Street
26:01To Coronation Street where it's all drama all the time
26:03Even before the cameras start rolling
26:07Thanks, we are at speed
26:11Okay
26:12Okay
26:12And action
26:14Whee!
26:15Oh, you've set the alarm up
26:17Someone's hot part was a little too hot
26:23Over to Love Island
26:25And nothing says romantic ambience
26:27More than a liaison conducted from two sweaty beanbags on AstroTurf
26:32But my family are from Maine
26:34I mean this witty repartee between Whitney and Lockham isn't exactly Noel Coward is it?
26:39The more I speak to you like initially I was like what the fuck
26:42Oh really?
26:43Yeah but the more I speak to you it's like it does get better
26:46What's like red flags to you?
26:49Yeah Whitney what are your red flags? Giant insects perhaps?
26:52Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
26:59It's gone, it's gone
27:03That was good though
27:05Now I'm beat she's going to make it cool like
27:07I lost it though
27:09You did well and then it sat on you
27:11I'll have what she's having
27:13I hope Ned Ryan impressions aren't Lachan's Red Flag
27:19emmerdale with a rather intense scene from noah's stalker storyline although this first take did
27:25miss a vital twist in the tale what so you're dumping me when you're the dirty slapper who's
27:31like with my mate nowhere nowhere i barely met her just wow i'm sorry chloe
27:44i'll just shut up you
27:48i forgot to turn well you won't win a tv quick award without the twist
27:55over to britain's got talent and i'm afraid you'll need your opera glasses for this one
28:00what do you mean you don't have any opera glasses watch what happens when ant decides to join
28:06diversity pay close attention to the left-hand side of the stage
28:26wow if if you didn't catch that on telly that was quite a heavy fall
28:33well it might be hard to see but ant has an honest face so i'm happy to accept his word
28:41are you okay i don't know if i am okay
28:48i'll admit doing both of those things at the same time is a clever trick and
28:53but i'm afraid it is not an act suitable for the royal variety show i can't confirm he did far
29:00and i can confirm he did fall the bgt producers found a better angle
29:13and they were more than happy to share it
29:15i'm claiming i tell you when they're playing as a claim that was a very slippery stage
29:21you better you better lawyer up sir
29:22yeah you better lawyer up i'm coming after you now
29:25look at my hard landing
29:28yeah bruno no need to rub it in that's my job
29:42news cock-ups now although the news can be so depressing nowadays which is why i love it
29:48when it goes wrong politics i know you parrot the government's propaganda on what happens around
29:53europe this is a bit richer you pass labour at morning noon and night one of the european trade union
29:58leaders that's who are late what you what you see about minimum standards is bollocks
30:02whoa
30:03that's what i'm quoting
30:05hang on a moment
30:06well that is labor that's labor propaganda
30:08where did that come from
30:09yeah european trade union leader because
30:11in across europe sorry we can't get passed off common regulations just because you're quoting
30:16somebody else
30:17yeah you tell him susannah
30:18an apology for people who are offended by that if i said all right you said something that rhymes with
30:25rollicks how's that are you all right there well i think we all know what word you were referring to
30:29given as you said it
30:30he is still talking and if you've been offended by anything i've said this evening
30:34please bear in mind that i've said it all using air quotes
30:39well it is minus 13 tonight which is why most people are off the streets there are a few people
30:44out
30:45here tonight but one place tv reporter david marsland he's been sent out into the freezing cold to chat
30:51to local business owners and is now cursing his colleagues back in the warm studio don't worry
30:58david by the end of this report you'll be burning with embarrassment as well but people get on with
31:03it you know you can't just stop just because of the weather so and people have been talking about
31:08the community being kind of locked in here unable to to get out of dude have you seen new faces
31:12or maybe
31:13old faces coming back certainly i'm afraid you can't see any faces we're blurring them for reasons
31:18that will become obvious but i've had a couple of newcomers coming in because of uh people just
31:24getting stuck in the cars like public melbourne they'll start to come from aberdeen just coming in
31:28just couldn't get anywhere you know yeah it's a cold and clear night we may even see a full moon
31:35uh bbc news known for its objectivity and impartiality i think my favorite thing about bbc
31:45presenters is that you never ever know what they're really thinking the average age of a us senator is
31:5264 and by way of comparison president joe biden is 80 years old donald trump donald trump
31:59pardon me is 77 i don't know you might have been right the first time yeah a school collapse
32:06itv news and an interview with jillian keegan an education secretary who perhaps needed re-educating
32:12about what it means to be on camera but you're saying that the government is not responsible ultimately
32:18for the safety of children in school the the school building's responsibility is with local
32:23authorities okay thank you very much thank you jillian knows the crew are still rolling but
32:28unfortunately so is she does anyone ever say you know what you've done a good job because everyone
32:35else has sat on their ass and done nothing no no signs of that no no jillian i don't think
32:41many tv
32:41reporters do say that especially not on the tea time news from our perth headquarters this is seven news
32:49with suzalika and rigado in australia there is breaking news about an emergency at perth airport
32:56as a plane is forced to return due to a fault it's all very dramatic as they go live to
33:01their reporter
33:01rory rory what happened
33:09rory rory looks like they'll have to send someone else down to report on what's happened to rory during
33:15his report sorry about that we hope to go back to that story later bbc news look north where distinguished
33:25broadcaster peter levy illustrates the age-old saying when you're in a hole keep giggling now it's
33:32estimated that the bill to repair lincoln's glory hole will be anything between sixty thousand and one
33:40hundred thousand pounds the footpath has been closed since february and lincolnshire county council
33:46have blamed difficulties in accessing the site and the extent peter what are you laughing at i don't
33:53understand
34:02we asked you and it's another news clip to take us to the break the doctor will see you now
34:08discuss let's
34:08bring in emergency doctor kim hansen and dr maureen williams a patient advocate thank you so much for
34:13your time ladies appreciate it kim out to you but what is about to have everyone's heart rate jumping
34:17through the roof find out when we return
34:35welcome back before the break we were down under for a medical discussion which is absolutely not the
34:42same thing as having a medical discussion about down under the stories but did you guess what would have
34:49everyone's heart rate jumping through the roof okay look sorry to interrupt we're just we're running
34:54out of time the emergency medicine um medicine foundation is pledging 1.3 million dollars towards
34:59tackling this crisis um how will that help sorry there's something very big behind you can you see that
35:20you can thank you yes proceed with caution under no circumstances start waving around a pasty
35:30do not wander around with a big bag of chips
35:32look out how to fix this really complex problem has anyone got a big gun
35:37well that's not very humane these medical professionals have vowed to do no harm
35:43hey ladies uh just i'm just riveted to this shot i mean if we could just take one more clean
35:47shot
35:47of it um there we go um ladies thank you for bearing um with all sorts of problems this morning
35:53especially a giant sized magpie magpie in the background
36:00some more animal cock-ups now and james has gone outside to show off his strictly moves
36:06to his guests and pet dog not sure what this has got to do with cooking really it's all a
36:11bit of a
36:11dog's dinner i'm not sure about this cape it's a bit of a disaster the cape actually okay
36:19okay so one two oh no james what's happened
36:32now it really is a dog's dinner james don't let him eat your beautiful face
36:38this is the most stupid program that's why we love it james my weekend just wouldn't be the same
36:44without it should we go down by the river the real housewives of cheshire they look a lot hairier
36:52than i remember oh my mistake there they are
36:56they don't make eye contact do they bite you can't help it
37:13well good luck because i think in all the commotion one of the other monkeys nicked your passport
37:24and for these young orphaned elephants this charitable foundation is what they call home
37:30this reporter is at the sheldrick wildlife trust in kenya a haven for elephants and rhinos but what
37:37about a haven for harassed reporters where's their haven human actions are destroying habitats decimating
37:43our entire ecosystem and disrupting the circle of life and with the rise in drought cases it is up to
37:50us to be guardians of our own natural world save our wild species and provide a home pledge now to
37:58save endangered reporters you're ready pete natural world are telling the story of a wildlife hospital
38:05near alice springs pete the wombat is much better but before his medication he still gets nervous
38:13with a treat
38:17wasn't me
38:19wow geez funny boy
38:23this is your favorite i'm the same before an injection sorry doctor if you're watching
38:29but thanks for letting me sit on your knee in a moment he's going to have his medication
38:34david mitchell's outsiders and judy love and guz khan can handle a crowd but can they handle a llama
38:43you know
38:43but judy needn't worry carmela seems a lot more interested in david's film crew oh she can carry
39:08items. All right. Where the fuck are you going? Come on this way.
39:12Je me me me. Everyone's shooting themselves here. Good. Lovely.
39:16Don't fight her. I think this would be a great time for a recording pause.
39:21Guys, let go or she'll drag you back to South America.
39:27The brave Steve Backshaw is in Argentina looking for anaconda.
39:33Oh, Steve, why can't you present something nice involving antiques?
39:37I don't remember anyone being choked by a snake on bargain hunt.
39:42Careful, Steve, you're looking for anaconda, not your car keys.
39:47That was a caiman, and I've just been given a really nasty bite.
39:52Are you all right? Yes.
39:53Honestly, I'd be running screaming, but stalwart Steve just carries on.
39:59I've just had one of my first nasty bites from an animal.
40:03Just trodden on a caiman here, and it's whipped round.
40:07I've taken a good chunk out of my leg.
40:13So, unfortunately, anaconda hunting is off for the rest of the day.
40:18It's an extreme way to pull a sickie.
40:20I don't think I'll be trying it any time soon.
40:23Bye, Steve. That's it. Off you go.
40:25Don't worry about your crew stranded in this swamp full of anaconda and caiman.
40:39Daytime TV disasters now, and, of course, the worst thing that can happen on daytime TV
40:44is when it all goes a little bit...
40:46Nighttime TV.
40:48It opens to people in England only, and if you sign up by going to our website
40:52and pledging 180 minutes a week for sex...
40:54For six sexes?
40:56It actually says for sex... sex in there.
40:58It does say.
41:00Can you...
41:00Can you...
41:01All right, I'm command.
41:02Can you show...
41:03I just want someone...
41:04Can we show them the prompts?
41:05Show them the prompts on three.
41:07There you go.
41:07That wasn't me.
41:09Are you sure?
41:09That wasn't me.
41:10It's in the prompt.
41:11Just because it's in the prompt, it doesn't mean you have to read it out, though, does it?
41:15It's different.
41:16Three hours.
41:17In one go.
41:18In one go, yeah.
41:22Ireland AM, where the presenters are often in trouble with their producers
41:25for using cheeky innuendos.
41:28Still, that doesn't stop them trying to slip something in.
41:32Very nice.
41:32Plus, it's a delicious dessert that explodes in your mouth, Alan.
41:37Don't, Alan Hughes.
41:40Don't, Alan.
41:41Stop it.
41:43Stop.
41:44Are you laughing at me?
41:45Are you laughing at me?
41:47No.
41:47No, Catherine, I don't think it's you he's laughing at.
41:51But they're really chocolate fondant cakes.
41:54Do you know where you get the chocolate?
41:55Alan, pull yourself together.
41:58The melted chocolate comes out.
42:00Have you got that?
42:01Right.
42:02Now, timing is important for this.
42:04Anyway, we'll get to it.
42:07Oh, dear.
42:09Derek!
42:10Save us.
42:11Is it wet out there in the summer?
42:12Is it wet?
42:14Honestly, a double entendre was enough.
42:16There was no need to go for the triple.
42:18That looks delicious.
42:20Can't wait to taste it later on.
42:23Loose women, and I've heard of makeup being piled on, but not like this.
42:29Hemorrhoid cream, right?
42:30Now, we all know where we normally put that.
42:32But a makeup artist told me that the old Hollywood sirens, you know, the Greta Garbo's, whatever, put it on
42:54their face.
42:55Because it tightens up the skin and makes it...
42:59And I was going to show you, but sadly, we've run out of time.
43:02Out of time.
43:03Talk about hitting rock bottom.
43:08It's Ben's final week on Good Morning Britain, before his move to this morning.
43:13And he's going out with his head held high.
43:16He's never put a foot wrong.
43:18Talking about interacting, I think this was just made for you, Ben Shepard.
43:23Do you recognise this?
43:25It is from one of TV's most iconic moments.
43:28Oh!
43:29That gorgeous shot!
43:30Oh, yes!
43:31It's Colin Firth's white shirt that he wore as Mr Darcy.
43:34Ben, that was made for you.
43:36I thought it was wee-willy-wanky's... wee-willy-winky's nightgown.
43:40We really wanky?
43:41Yeah.
43:41We really do, wee-willy-wanky.
43:43Not such a golden boy now, are you, Ben?
43:45But it makes us love you even more.
43:48This is Colin's feeling really good right now.
43:53And we love it, don't we, Lorraine?
43:55We do.
43:56Or we still do.
43:56We're going to have such fun.
43:57Don't you worry, sweet Ben.
43:59We've got no prejudice.
44:00And now you've got no pride.
44:02He's looking good, he's looking good.
44:13Thanks to all the talented production teams and stars for their cock-ups,
44:18we've just time for one more from Richard Osman's House of Games.
44:21Tom Rosenthal is about to draw a famous historical figure.
44:26I hope.
44:27You'll have 30 seconds to draw that figure.
44:29Cindy, you've got 30 seconds to guess, and your time starts now.
44:39Planet, telescope, something else.
44:42Goodness me.
44:43Planet, telescope, stars, Galileo.
44:49Yes.
44:50Galileo.
44:51Galileo.
44:52Wow, great.
44:53I bet Galileo never thought he'd look like that.
44:57It's not the best drawing I've ever seen.
44:59The good news is you're going to get 250 quid every time that's shown on it.
45:02It'll be all right in the night for a long time to come.
45:05Maybe he can invest that money in some art classes.
45:09Thanks for watching, and good night.
45:13You weren't wrong there, Richard.
45:16Cheers, and thank you, Tom.
45:18Well, meeting some canine superstars at Battersea this week,
45:22including a staffy learning sign language.
45:25Aw, the new series of For the Love of Dogs with Alison Hammond
45:28continues Wednesday at 7.30,
45:30and uncover a dangerous world of spying, secrecy, and strange powers in the Rook on STV Player.
45:37We'll see you next time.
45:38We'll see you next time.
45:38Bye-bye.
45:38Bye-bye.
45:38Bye-bye.
45:39Bye-bye.
45:39Bye-bye.
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