- 15 hours ago
TV, Movie, 3rd Rock from The Sun S02E06
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TVTranscript
00:00Oh, I love these Saturdays in the park.
00:02Soft grass, the chirping birds, the eyewitness news team.
00:07Save the park! Save the park! Save the park!
00:10Kind of makes you want to scream at the top of your lungs like those people.
00:12Let's sit over there!
00:14No! I prefer this table! It's in the shade!
00:17Hey, look, a butterfly!
00:19Hey, look, Sally! It's your friend!
00:22So fun.
00:24A word to the wise. There's trouble in the park today.
00:27Trouble? Uh-oh. I better take care of my baby.
00:30What is it?
00:31Sometimes a wrinkle runs through the city,
00:33and it rears up on its haunches like an ugly monkey ready to strike.
00:38Ron, you always have your finger up the pulse of danger.
00:46Save the park! Save the park! Save the park!
00:50Save the park! Save the park!
00:52Hey, man! You want to sign this petition? The town's going to destroy Bates Park.
00:56Sir! Uh, maybe in a little while.
00:58There's no time. The dozers are on their way.
01:01Okay. I've chained myself to the tree.
01:05Oh, shit!
01:06Sir, sir, excuse me. Is it true you've chained yourself to that tree?
01:11Yes, that's exactly what I've done.
01:13So you won't free yourself, even though the city bulldozers are on their way?
01:17No, I cannot do that.
01:19Yeah!
01:20He may be an organized protester.
01:22He may be a rogue mountain man.
01:24But one thing's for sure.
01:26He may be a hero.
01:28We got it.
01:28We got it.
01:37We got it.
02:09A fire breaks out in a nursing home.
02:12A search for survivors continues at the Parma Heights mudslide.
02:15And in our science watch, a vet performs an operation that allows a cat to smile for the first time.
02:22That's the happiest cat in the world.
02:24But tonight's top story, a protest in Bates Park.
02:27Whoa, look, I'm on TV.
02:28You're wearing my shirt.
02:29My shirt's on television.
02:34Hello?
02:36Yes, Harry Solomon lives here.
02:38Okay, hold on.
02:41Harry has a phone call.
02:47A phone call.
02:49My first phone call.
02:53How do I look?
02:54You look fine.
02:58Hello?
03:01Uh-huh.
03:02Okay.
03:03Well, I have to talk it over with my family.
03:06Okay, bye.
03:08Who was that, Harry?
03:09Well, it's a member from the Independent Party.
03:11They said they saw me on TV.
03:13They want me to run for city council.
03:15What city council?
03:17Well, I think it's some sort of council here in the city.
03:21Council?
03:22Well, according to my civics class, that's government.
03:24Oh.
03:25Oh, this is big.
03:26This is big.
03:27We do not want to get involved in this.
03:29No, no, no.
03:29This will allow us to get on the inside, see how it works.
03:31What about our vow not to alter the course of the planet?
03:33Oh, please.
03:34It's only politics.
03:37We dive in, master it, grab a few votes, get a little action.
03:41Nobody gets hurt.
03:42Yeah, Harry, call those people back and tell them you'll run.
03:45All right, you're the boss.
03:46Sally, Tommy, you advise Harry on his campaign.
03:49I'm going to go register to vote.
03:50Well, shouldn't we all vote?
03:52We don't want to rouse suspicion.
03:54One in four seems right.
03:58And here's a list of candidates and referendums.
04:01So, you're all set.
04:02You come back here in two weeks to vote.
04:04Right.
04:05And how many times do I get to vote?
04:08One time.
04:10And it doesn't matter that I'm brilliant?
04:12No.
04:14Have you noticed how tall I am?
04:17We all get one vote.
04:19So, your opinion counts equally with mine?
04:21You got it.
04:22You're awfully smug for a man who works at a folding table.
04:30Okay, let's see.
04:32For Mayor Hecky Mulligan.
04:36Funny name.
04:36I like that in a mayor.
04:39Hecky Mulligan?
04:41How can you vote for Hecky Mulligan?
04:42Nina, can you believe that?
04:44How do you know I'm not voting for Mulligan?
04:46I thought you were a Democrat.
04:48And why do you think I'm a Democrat?
04:49Because I'm black?
04:50Oh, go ahead.
04:51Vote for Mulligan.
04:52I'm not voting for Mulligan.
04:53I don't understand.
04:55Why are you getting so worked up over politics?
04:58It's simple.
04:58You vote for the best man.
04:59The best man wins.
05:00Oh, woman.
05:01Pfft.
05:04Oh, that's priceless.
05:10What, Hecky's a woman?
05:18Frank Ansmiller.
05:19Glad to know you.
05:21Hey, Betty.
05:22That new speed bump keeping the teenagers away?
05:24Great.
05:25Good.
05:27Norma.
05:27Tom.
05:28Patty.
05:29Kathy.
05:30Carl.
05:31Too bad about that warehouse fire.
05:33I'm glad to hear the insurance came through.
05:38Harry Solomon.
05:40I've never seen you before in my life.
05:45Hi.
05:46I'm Harry Solomon.
05:47A simple mind for a simple piece.
05:53I can't believe Dr. Solomon is letting his brother run against Gansmiller.
05:56No one can dig up the dirt like Gansmiller.
05:58The man's a backhoe.
06:03It's a piece of equipment.
06:16Don?
06:17Sally.
06:18What brings you here?
06:20My brother threw his head into the ring.
06:23You mean his hat?
06:25Yeah, sure, his hat.
06:26What brings you here?
06:28Oh, the usual.
06:29Looking for trouble.
06:30Making sure it doesn't happen.
06:32Punch?
06:33Take your best shot.
06:40Frank Gansmiller.
06:41Dick Solomon.
06:42Nice to know you, Dick.
06:43I feel it only fair to warn you that your challenger is my brother, Harry, and I am not a
06:47man easily swayed.
06:48Dick, I'll keep that in mind.
06:49Mary, this is Frank Gansmiller.
06:51This must be the little lady.
06:53This must be the little man.
06:56Period.
06:59Dick, it's all right.
07:00As long as Mary turns out to vote, although I don't know if you're old enough to vote.
07:04Oh, yes.
07:05She is.
07:06She's 44.
07:09Mr. Gansmiller.
07:11Frank, when I do vote, it won't be for you.
07:15Mary, Dick, let me get serious for just a moment.
07:19Frank, why should I vote for Frank Gansmiller, you ask?
07:23I didn't ask.
07:25Mary won't let me get away with anything, will you, Dick?
07:27Not a thing, Frank.
07:29Why should I vote for Frank Gansmiller, Frank?
07:32Good question, Dick.
07:34Because I want to take money out of the drug dealer's pockets and give it back to the people.
07:40Frank's right.
07:41I want some of that drug money.
07:45All right, everybody, it's time to hear from our candidates.
07:48First up, our incumbent, Frank Gansmiller.
07:53No, no.
07:53You know what?
07:54You all know me.
07:56Let's give the new kid a chance.
07:58Yes.
07:59This is a great man.
08:12Thank you, fellow Rutherford-onianites.
08:19Anyway, I'm here because of all you people.
08:23Men.
08:24Women.
08:26Of course, if I had my way, there'd be, like, a lot more women.
08:30Hey, you know, on any given day, I see maybe one, two women tops.
08:34I want to see more women.
08:36Everywhere I go, more women.
08:38More women in the workplace, yes!
08:39Okay.
08:43Vote Harry S. Solomon.
08:45The S stands for know-how.
08:52I'm sorry, a snow-how.
09:03Turn it off.
09:04I've seen enough.
09:07All right, what do you got on him?
09:11Nothing.
09:13He's clean.
09:14Nothing?
09:15Must have something rotten in his past.
09:17He's human, isn't he?
09:18Look, I've done every background check personally.
09:19There's nothing.
09:20It's like he fell out of the sky.
09:23What about drinking?
09:24No.
09:25Gambling?
09:25No.
09:26Bad checks?
09:27Tax evasion?
09:28No.
09:29Pornography?
09:30Drug addiction?
09:31Bad hairpiece?
09:32No!
09:34Zero divided by zero.
09:35Zip.
09:36Nada.
09:36Bupkis.
09:37Bupkis, huh?
09:39What does Bupkis mean?
09:41Nothing.
09:43I thought so.
09:44You know, it's almost as if he were Amish.
09:54No pass, no experience, no record.
09:58The perfect candidate.
10:01Wait a minute.
10:03What about that sister of his?
10:05You leave her out of it.
10:06Ooh.
10:07Copper's got a girlfriend.
10:15Should there be a toll on the Cherry Street Bridge?
10:19Well, I never use it.
10:21Yes.
10:22Yes.
10:24But what if I start using it?
10:26No.
10:26Smart money on no.
10:28What am I thinking?
10:29There's nothing good on Cherry Street.
10:30Yes.
10:32No.
10:34No.
10:35Yes.
10:36A resounding no yes.
10:40Okay, let's move on to the candidates.
10:42This should be a no-brainer.
10:43City Council, District 9, Harry Solomon.
10:47Yeah.
10:51What?
10:52Don't tell me you're voting for Gansmiller.
10:54Don't tell me you're voting for Harry.
10:55Well, yes, I'm voting for Harry.
10:57Well, then you're voting wrong.
10:57There's no such thing as voting wrong.
11:00Yes, there is.
11:01You're doing it.
11:02You're making a mockery of this whole election by voting wrong.
11:05It's my vote.
11:06I get to use it any way I want.
11:08What's the point of having a democracy if people go around voting wrong?
11:10In my opinion, democracy is doing just fine the way it is.
11:15Well, your opinion is wrong.
11:17I can't believe you're voting against your own brother.
11:20Just watch me.
11:21Dick, you're not going to vote for me?
11:25Well, that hurts.
11:26And I know, because I feel your pain.
11:34But Harry Solomon is not worried.
11:39Because Harry Solomon knows that Harry Solomon can win.
11:43Oh, how can you possibly win?
11:45Because Harry Solomon appeals to both sides.
11:58Vote for Harry Solomon.
11:59No!
12:03Hi.
12:04Hey, Miss Dubchek, you want a bunny?
12:05Yeah.
12:07I'm glad Harry's standing up for good old-fashioned family values.
12:11You could learn from this lesson, Sally.
12:13Never date a guy if he's not good to his wife and kids.
12:27Don.
12:28Sally.
12:29We have to talk.
12:35Your brother is playing with matches, and that's how fires start.
12:39I know my way around a hose.
12:49This election could turn ugly.
12:51Very ugly.
12:52I shouldn't be telling you this, but I had to warn you.
12:55You're the only thing in my life that isn't dirty.
12:58A girl can't stay clean forever in a town like this.
13:01Don't talk like that, Sally.
13:03You've got a great pair of getaway sticks.
13:06Now use them.
13:07Come on, Don.
13:08Be straight with me.
13:09You owe me that much.
13:11Follow the money, Sally.
13:13Follow the money.
13:20Solomon.
13:25Gans Miller.
13:28Glad you came.
13:30Wow.
13:31That's something I don't hear very often.
13:37Solomon, this election means a lot to me.
13:40Why do you say we cut a deal?
13:42Well, what sort of a deal?
13:44You drop out of the race, I'll make you building inspector.
13:48Why do I want to be building inspector?
13:51Because when the building inspector looks the other way, he gets an envelope.
13:56Well, what if the building inspector doesn't look the other way?
14:00He always looks the other way.
14:02Well, what's so special the other way?
14:05The envelope.
14:06Well, what's in the envelope?
14:09I'll have to tell you what's in the envelope.
14:10Well, you don't have to, but I sure would appreciate it.
14:13Look, what will it take you to drop out of this race?
14:16Well, don't ask me.
14:18I'm not the one who makes the decisions.
14:20You aren't?
14:21No, never have, never will.
14:23I just sort of follow orders.
14:25Whose?
14:26Well, we sort of have a leader.
14:29We?
14:30The family.
14:32The family.
14:35Thank you, Solomon.
14:37Thank you very much.
14:41Harry Solomon.
14:43How much do we really know about him?
14:45He claims to be a family man.
14:47But what kind of family?
14:49There's no hard proof that the Solomons are linked to the Gambinis,
14:52the Genoveses, and the Corleones.
14:54But is that a risk you're willing to take?
14:57Harry Solomon.
14:58An offer you can refuse.
15:00Paid for by decent, God-fearing citizens for Gansmiller.
15:05You can't be in the mob.
15:07We're from Ohio.
15:09It's terrible.
15:10Oh, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick.
15:14Dick, Dick.
15:16You are so out of the game.
15:18That was a gimme.
15:19He mentioned my name like 20 times.
15:21That was great publicity.
15:23But he's a liar.
15:25Dick, let me talk to you like you're a two-year-old.
15:28You know how when you see a commercial for Cheerios,
15:31and they keep showing you Cheerios,
15:33and you really want Cheerios?
15:35Do we have any Cheerios?
15:43We're right next to the embarrassing Defeatios.
15:54What?
15:56Nothing, sir.
15:57I'm sorry I'm late, sir.
16:01What are you doing?
16:02I'm kissing your ring.
16:03I'm not wearing a ring.
16:04I'm sorry.
16:05Please don't have me whacked.
16:07What kind of nonsense is this?
16:09Well, sir, we just want to pay you the proper respects.
16:12Yeah, we didn't know.
16:13Know what?
16:14About your family connections, Don Solomon.
16:18Oh, it's that stupid ad.
16:20It's complete and utter lie.
16:21I would hope you people would know better.
16:23Oh, yeah.
16:24Good, because I've had just about all I can take of this election foolishness.
16:27Hey, hey!
16:30This is ridiculous.
16:32Your political system is a sham.
16:34It's nothing but lies and propaganda.
16:36Look what it's done to you.
16:37You can't even tell who's good or bad or right or wrong.
16:40Give me science.
16:42At least with physics, you know when you have the right answer.
16:44I never do.
16:49Cannoli?
16:56Oh, I'll be so glad when this election is over.
17:00Here, do something with this.
17:01I'm so confused.
17:03I hardly even know what I'm doing.
17:08You're sitting on your cannoli.
17:11Look at this.
17:13Everything's out of control.
17:15What's wrong?
17:16What's wrong?
17:17I'll tell you what's wrong.
17:18I'm trying to vote my conscience, and I can't even hear it anymore.
17:21I have only two choices for city council, a professional liar and my brother, the joke.
17:27Neither of them should even be running for office.
17:29There is no choice.
17:30My only choice is not to vote at all.
17:32Democracy is horrible.
17:33Absolutely horrible.
17:37You're so right.
17:39Democracy is the worst form of government there is, except for all of the others.
17:44Whoa.
17:44And that is exactly why you have to vote.
17:46No.
17:47Yes.
17:49If you don't vote, you can't complain.
17:52Complaining is all I have left.
17:56The system isn't perfect, but it's important to participate.
17:59Even if you get it wrong, just go to the polls and do what you think is right.
18:05Things were so much simpler where I come from.
18:08There's only one big giant office, and whoever outruns the fireball wins.
18:37Oh, God, I hope I did the right thing.
18:46And the results for city council are in.
18:48The incumbent, Frank Gansmiller, is the winner.
18:54So I would be a loser.
18:59Okay.
19:00Okay.
19:01I'd like to thank you all for supporting.
19:04All righty.
19:07Harry, I want you to know that I voted for you.
19:10And to top off this night of firsts, there was also one write-in vote for a Dr. Mary Albright.
19:20That self-serving bitch!
19:29I just had to come over and say, great job, kid.
19:31It was a tough campaign all around.
19:34Glad to see no one went negative.
19:37Is that envelope job still available?
19:41No.
19:45Tough luck, kiddo.
19:47But your family's better off.
19:49Spend your life around garbage, you start to stink.
19:52I don't like the taste of losing, Don.
19:54It tastes like a bad egg.
19:56You know, the kind that gives you the burps.
20:00During this election, I've done some things, Sally.
20:03Some things I'm not so proud of.
20:05Did I know better?
20:06Sure.
20:07But it's this...
20:08This town.
20:09This crazy town.
20:11Makes you want to brush your teeth.
20:14You're in luck.
20:16I'm packing.
20:20So, Dr. Solomon, did you hear someone voted for me?
20:24Yes, I think I did hear that somewhere.
20:26I wonder where that vote could have come from.
20:28Who knows?
20:29It is a secret ballot.
20:31It was me, Dr. Albright.
20:32I voted for you.
20:33No, you didn't.
20:35How do you know it was a secret ballot?
20:39Damn!
20:39Damn!
20:41Damn!
20:47I think we should vote for who's high commander.
20:49Sure.
20:50We're in a democracy.
20:51Well, can we vote for ourselves?
20:52Of course.
20:53I vote for me.
20:53I vote for me.
20:54I vote for me.
20:54I vote for me.
20:55High commander breaks the tie.
20:56I win.
20:56Whoa, wait, wait, wait.
20:57Wait, let's vote again.
20:58This time, I vote for Harry.
20:59Ah, this is America.
21:00You've got to wait four years.
21:01Oh, that's not fair.
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