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مسلسل The Big Bang Theory مترجم - Episode 1
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00:00So if a photon is directed through a plane with two slits in it and either slit is observed, it
00:04will not go through both slits.
00:06If it's unobserved, it will. However, if it's observed after it's left the plane but before it hits its target,
00:10it will not have gone through both slits.
00:12Agreed. What's your point?
00:14There's no point. I just think it's a good idea for a t-shirt.
00:23Excuse me.
00:24Hang on.
00:24Uh, one across is Aegean, eight down is Nabokov, 26 across is MCM, 14 down is, move your finger, Phylum,
00:39which makes 14 across Port-au-Prince.
00:42See? Papa Doc's capital idea. That's Port-au-Prince.
00:47Haiti.
00:49Can I help you?
00:50Yes.
00:53Um, is this the high IQ sperm bank?
00:59If you have to ask, maybe you shouldn't be here.
01:02I think this is the place.
01:05Fill these out.
01:06Thank you. We'll be right back.
01:09Oh, take your time. I'll just finish my crossword puzzle.
01:13Oh, wait.
01:14Oh, wait.
01:25Leonard, I don't think I can do this.
01:27What, are you kidding? You're a semi-pro.
01:31No. We are committing genetic fraud.
01:34There's no guarantee that our sperm is going to generate high IQ offspring. Think about that.
01:38I have a sister with the same basic DNA mix who hostesses at Fuddruckers.
01:43Sheldon, this was your idea. A little extra money to get fractional T1 bandwidth in the apartment?
01:48I know, and I do yearn for faster downloads.
01:52If some poor woman is going to pin her hopes on my sperm, what if she winds up with a
01:56toddler who doesn't know if he should use an integral or a differential to solve for the area under a
02:00curve?
02:02I'm sure she'll still love him.
02:04I wouldn't.
02:07Well, what do you want to do?
02:09I want to leave.
02:10Okay.
02:11What's the protocol for leaving?
02:13I don't know. I've never reneged on a proffer of sperm before.
02:18Let's try just walking out.
02:20Okay.
02:32Bye.
02:32Bye-bye.
02:33I just needed you.
02:37Are you still mad about the sperm bank?
02:39No.
02:41You want to hear an interesting thing about stairs?
02:44Not reading.
02:46If the height of a single step is off by as little as two millimeters, most people will trip.
02:50I don't care.
02:53Two millimeters? That doesn't seem right.
02:55No, it's true. I did a series of experiments when I was 12. My father broke his clavicle.
03:01Is that why they sent you to boarding school?
03:02No. That was the result of my work with lasers.
03:11New neighbor?
03:13Evidently.
03:14Significant improvement over the old neighbor.
03:18200-pound transvestite with a skin condition? Yes, she is.
03:23Oh, hi.
03:24Oh, hi.
03:25Hi.
03:25Hi.
03:26Hi.
03:28Hi.
03:29Hi.
03:30We don't mean to interrupt. We live across the hall.
03:33Oh, that's nice.
03:35Oh, no. We don't live together. I mean, we live together, but in separate heterosexual bedrooms.
03:43Oh, okay. Well, guess I'm your new neighbor. Penny.
03:47Oh, Leonard. Sheldon.
03:48Hi.
03:49Hi.
03:49Hi.
03:50Hi.
03:50Hi.
03:54Well, uh...
03:55Oh, welcome to the building.
03:57Oh, thank you. Maybe we can have coffee sometime.
03:59Oh, great.
04:00Great.
04:01Great.
04:01Great.
04:04Well, uh, bye.
04:06Bye.
04:06Bye.
04:07Bye.
04:10Should we have invited her for lunch?
04:12No. We're going to start season two of Battlestar Galactica.
04:16We already watched the season two DVDs.
04:18Not with commentary.
04:22I think we should be good neighbors. Invite her over. Make her feel welcome.
04:26We never invited Louie slash Louise over.
04:30And that was wrong of us. We need to widen our circle.
04:34I have a very wide circle.
04:37I have 212 friends on MySpace.
04:41Yes, and you've never met one of them.
04:43That's the beauty of it.
04:47I'm going to invite her over.
04:49We'll have a nice meal and chat.
04:52Chat? We don't chat. At least not offline.
04:57Well, it's not difficult.
04:59You just listen to what she says, and then you say something appropriate in response.
05:05To what end?
05:08Hi.
05:09Hi.
05:09Hi.
05:10Hi.
05:11Hi.
05:11Hi.
05:13Anyway, um, we brought home Indian food.
05:17And, um, I know that moving can be stressful.
05:20And I find that when I'm undergoing stress, that good food and company can have a comforting effect.
05:27Also, curry's a natural laxative, and I don't have to tell you that, you know, a clean colon is just
05:33one less thing to worry about.
05:37Leonard, I'm not an expert here, but I believe in the context of a luncheon invitation, you might want to
05:41skip the reference to bowel movements.
05:43Oh, you're inviting me over to eat?
05:46Uh, yes.
05:47Oh, that's so nice. I'd love to.
05:49Great.
05:51So, what do you guys do for fun around here?
05:54Well, today we tried masturbating for money.
06:00Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state that nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started waiting.
06:07The earth began to cool, the autotrophes began to drool, meanderthals developed tools, we built a wall.
06:13We built a pyramid, snap, science, history, unraveling the mystery, that all started with a big bang.
06:19Hey!
06:22Okay, well, make yourself at home.
06:24Okay, thank you.
06:26You're very welcome.
06:31This looks like some serious stuff. Leonard, did you do this?
06:34Actually, that's my work.
06:37Wow.
06:38Yeah, well, it's just some quantum mechanics, with a little string theory doodling around the edges.
06:43That part there, that's just a joke. It's a spoof of the Born-Oppenheimer approximation.
06:49You're like one of those beautiful mind genius guys.
06:54Yeah.
06:56This is really impressive.
06:58I have a board. If you like boards, this is my board.
07:02Holy smokes!
07:03If by holy smokes, you mean a derivative restatement of the kind of stuff you can find scribble in the
07:08wall of any men's room at MIT, sure.
07:11What?
07:11Come on. Who hasn't seen this differential below here? I sit brokenhearted.
07:16At least I didn't have to invent 26 dimensions just to make the math come out.
07:20I didn't invent them. They're there.
07:22In what universe?
07:23In all of them. That is the point.
07:25Do you guys mind if I start?
07:27Um, Penny.
07:28Yeah.
07:30That's where I sit.
07:33Sit next to me.
07:36No, I sit there.
07:39What's the difference?
07:40What's the difference?
07:41Here we go.
07:43In the winter, that seat is close enough to the radiator to remain warm, and yet not so close as
07:47to cause perspiration.
07:48In the summer, it's directly in the path of a cross breeze created by opening windows there and there.
07:53It faces the television at an angle that is neither direct, thus discouraging conversation, nor so far wide as to
07:58create a parallax distortion.
08:00I could go on, but...
08:02I think I've made my point.
08:06Do you want me to move?
08:08Well...
08:08Just sit somewhere else.
08:12Fine.
08:31Sheldon, sit!
08:35Oh.
08:38Well, this is nice.
08:39We don't have a lot of company over.
08:41That's not true.
08:42Kutur, Polly, and Walowitz come over all the time.
08:44Yes, I know, but...
08:45Tuesday night, we played Klingon Boggle until one in the morning.
08:47Yeah, I remember.
08:48I resent you saying we don't have company.
08:50I'm sorry.
08:51That has a negative social implication.
08:52I said I'm sorry!
08:54So, Klingon Boggle?
08:57Yeah, it's like regular Boggle, but in Klingon.
09:04That's probably enough about us.
09:06Tell us about you.
09:08Um, me?
09:09Okay.
09:10I'm a Sagittarius, which probably tells you way more than you need to know.
09:13Yes.
09:14It tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the sun's apparent
09:18position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects
09:22your personality.
09:26What is a bit in the what?
09:28I think what Sheldon's trying to say is that Sagittarius wouldn't have been our first
09:32guest.
09:33Oh, yeah.
09:34A lot of people think I'm a water sign.
09:36Okay, let's see.
09:38What else?
09:38Oh, I'm a vegetarian.
09:39No, except for fish.
09:40And the occasional steak.
09:42I love steak.
09:45Well, that's interesting.
09:47Leonard can't process corn.
09:52Well, uh, do you have some sort of a job?
09:55Oh, yeah.
09:56I'm a waitress at the Cheesecake Factory.
09:58Oh, I love cheesecake.
10:00You're lactose intolerant.
10:01I don't eat it.
10:02I just think it's a good idea.
10:05Oh, anyways, I'm also writing a screenplay.
10:07It's about this sensitive girl who comes to L.A. from Lincoln, Nebraska to be an actress
10:11and winds up a waitress at the Cheesecake Factory.
10:15So it's based on your life.
10:17No, I'm from Omaha.
10:23Well, if that was a movie, I would go see it.
10:25I know, right?
10:26Okay, let's see.
10:28What else?
10:29Um, I guess that's about it.
10:32That's the story of Penny.
10:34Well, it sounds wonderful.
10:37It was.
10:39Until I fell in love with a jerk.
10:46What is happening?
10:49Oh, my God.
10:50You know, four years I lived with him.
10:52Four years.
10:53That's like as long as high school.
10:55It took you four years to get through high school?
10:59I just, I can't believe I trusted him.
11:07Should I say something?
11:09I feel like I should say something.
11:10You?
11:10You only make it worse.
11:12Do you want to know the most pathetic part?
11:14Even though I hate his lying, cheating guts, I still love him.
11:20Is that crazy?
11:22Yes.
11:25No, it's not crazy.
11:27It's a, uh, it's a paradox.
11:30A paradox is our part of nature.
11:33Think about light.
11:34Now, if you look at Huygens, light is a wave, as confirmed by the double slit experiments.
11:38But then, along comes Albert Einstein and discovers that light behaves like particles, too.
11:46Well, I didn't make it worse.
11:50Oh, I'm so sorry.
11:52I'm such a mess.
11:53And on top of everything else, I'm all gross from moving.
11:55My stupid shower doesn't even work.
11:57Our shower works.
12:00Really?
12:00Would it be totally weird if I used it?
12:02Yes.
12:03No.
12:03No?
12:04No.
12:05No.
12:06It's right down the hall.
12:08Thanks.
12:09You guys are really sweet.
12:17Well, this is an interesting development.
12:23How so?
12:24It has been some time since we've had a woman take her clothes off in our apartment.
12:29That's not true.
12:30Remember at Thanksgiving, my grandmother with Alzheimer's had that episode?
12:35Point taken.
12:36It has been some time since we've had a woman take her clothes off after which we didn't want to
12:40rip our eyes out.
12:42The worst part was watching her carve that turkey.
12:46So, what exactly are you trying to accomplish here?
12:50Excuse me?
12:52That woman in there is not going to have sex with you.
12:54Well, I'm not trying to have sex with her.
12:56Oh, good.
12:57Then you won't be disappointed.
13:00What makes you think she wouldn't have sex with me?
13:02I'm a male and she's a female.
13:04Yes, but not of the same species.
13:08I'm not going to engage in hypotheticals here.
13:10I'm just trying to be a good neighbor.
13:12Oh, of course.
13:14That's not to say that if a carnal relationship were to develop that I wouldn't participate.
13:21However, briefly.
13:23Do you think this possibility will be helped or hindered when she discovers your Luke Skywalker No More Tears shampoo?
13:31Starth Vader shampoo.
13:34Luke Skywalker's the conditioner.
13:39Wait till you see this.
13:40It's fantastic.
13:41Unbelievable.
13:42See what?
13:44It's a Stephen Hawking lecture from MIT in 1974.
13:48This isn't a good time.
13:49It's before he became a creepy computer boy.
13:55That's great.
13:56You guys have to go.
13:57Why?
13:58It's just not a good time.
13:59Leonard has a lady over.
14:01Yeah, right.
14:02Your grandmother back in town?
14:06No.
14:07She's not a lady.
14:08She's just a new neighbor.
14:10Hang on.
14:10There really is a lady here?
14:13Uh-huh.
14:14And you want us out because you're anticipating coitus?
14:17I'm not anticipating coitus.
14:19So she's available for coitus?
14:20Can we please just stop saying coitus?
14:23Technically, that would be coitus interruptus.
14:26Hey, is there a trick to getting it to switch from tub to shower?
14:29Oh, hi.
14:30Sorry.
14:31Hello.
14:34Enchanté, mademoiselle.
14:38Howard Wolowitz, Caltech Department of Applied Physics.
14:41You may be familiar with some of my work.
14:43It's currently orbiting Jupiter's largest moon, taking high-resolution digital photographs.
14:49Penny, I work at the Cheesecake Factory.
14:52Come on, I'll show you the trick with the shower.
14:54Okay.
14:55Bon douche.
14:57I'm sorry?
14:58It's French for a good shower.
15:00It's a sentiment I can express in six languages.
15:03Save it for your blog, Howard.
15:13All right, there it goes.
15:15It sticks.
15:15I'm sorry.
15:16Okay, thanks.
15:17You're welcome.
15:17Oh, you're just going to step right...
15:18Okay, I'll...
15:20Hey, Leonard.
15:21The hair products are Sheldon's.
15:23Okay.
15:24Um, can I ask you a favor?
15:27A favor?
15:29Sure, you can ask me a favor.
15:30I would do you a favor for you.
15:33It's okay if you say no.
15:34Oh, I'll probably say yes.
15:37It's just not the kind of thing you ask a guy you just met.
15:42Wow.
15:47I really think we should examine the chain of causality here.
15:50Must we?
15:51Event A.
15:52A beautiful woman stands naked in our shower.
15:54Event B.
15:55We drive halfway across town to retrieve a television set from the aforementioned woman's ex-boyfriend.
16:00Query.
16:00On what plane of existence is there even a semi-rational link between these events?
16:06She asked me to do her a favor, Sheldon.
16:09Ah, yes.
16:09Well, that may be the proximal cause of our journey, but we both know it only exists in contradistinction to
16:14the higher-level distal cause.
16:16Which is?
16:17You think with your penis.
16:19That's a biological impossibility, and you didn't have to come.
16:23Oh, right.
16:23Yes, I could have stayed behind to watch Wolowitz try to hit on Penny in Russian, Arabic, and Farsi.
16:29Why can't she get her own TV?
16:31Come on, you know how it is with breakups.
16:33No, I don't.
16:34And neither do you.
16:36I broke up with Joyce Kim.
16:38You did not break up with Joyce Kim.
16:39She defected to North Korea.
16:41To mend her broken heart.
16:46This situation is much less complicated.
16:49There's some kind of dispute between Penny and her ex-boyfriend as to who gets custody of the TV.
16:53She just wanted to avoid having a scene with him.
16:56So we get to have a scene with him?
16:58No, Sheldon, there's not going to be a scene.
17:00There's two of us and one of him.
17:02Leonard, the two of us can't even carry a TV.
17:07So, you guys work with Leonard and Sheldon at the university?
17:15I'm sorry, do you speak English?
17:18Oh, he speaks English. He just can't speak to women.
17:22Really? Why?
17:24He's kind of a nerd.
17:28Juice box?
17:34I'll do the talking.
17:36Yeah.
17:37Hi, I'm Leonard. This is Sheldon.
17:39Hello.
17:40What did I just...
17:43We're here to pick up Penny's TV.
17:45Get lost.
17:46Okay, thanks for your time.
17:47We're not going to give up just like that?
17:50Leonard, the TV's in the building.
17:51We've been denied access to the building, ergo we are done.
17:54Excuse me.
17:55If I were to give up on the first little hitch, I never would have been able to identify the
17:59fingerprints of string theory in the aftermath of the Big Bang.
18:02My apologies. What's your plan?
18:19It's just a privilege to watch your mind at work.
18:23Come on, we have a combined IQ of 360. We should be able to figure out how to get into
18:27a stupid building.
18:33What do you think their combined IQ is?
18:35Just grab the door!
18:38This is it.
18:41I'll do the talking.
18:42Good thinking. I'll just be the muscle.
18:52Yeah?
18:53I'm Leonard. This is Sheldon.
18:55From the intercom.
18:58How the hell did you get in the building?
19:00Uh, we're scientists.
19:05Tell them about our IQ.
19:19Leonard.
19:21What?
19:21My mom bought me those pants.
19:23I'm sorry.
19:25You're going to have to call her.
19:30Sheldon, I am so sorry I dragged you through this.
19:33It's okay.
19:34It wasn't my first pantsing, and it won't be my last.
19:37And you were right about my motives.
19:39I was hoping to establish a relationship with Penny that might have someday led to sex.
19:46Well, you got me out of my pants.
19:50Anyway, I've learned my lesson.
19:52She's out of my league. I'm done with her.
19:54I've got my work.
19:55One day I'll win the Nobel Prize, and then I'll die alone.
19:58Don't think like that.
19:59You're not going to die alone.
20:01Thank you, Sheldon. You're a good friend.
20:05You're certainly not going to win a Nobel Prize.
20:09This is one of my favorite places to kick back after a quest.
20:13They have a great house sale.
20:15Wow, a cool tiger.
20:16Yeah, I've had him since level 10.
20:19His name is Buttons.
20:21Anyway, if you had your own game character, we could hang out.
20:25Maybe go on a quest.
20:27That sounds interesting.
20:29That's all you'll think about it.
20:30Oh, I don't think I'll be able to stop thinking about it.
20:35Smooth.
20:38We're home.
20:39Oh, my God, what happened?
20:42Well, your ex-boyfriend sends his regards, and I think the rest is fairly self-explanatory.
20:47I'm so sorry.
20:49I really thought if you guys went instead of me, he wouldn't be such an ass.
20:52No, that was a valid hypothesis.
20:54That was a valid hypothesis.
20:56What is happening to you?
20:58Really, thank you so much for going and trying.
21:01You're just, oh, you're so terrific.
21:05Really.
21:07Why don't you put some clothes on?
21:08I'll get my purse, and dinner is on me, okay?
21:10Really?
21:11Great.
21:12Okay.
21:18You're not done with her, are you?
21:21Our babies will be smart and beautiful.
21:26Not to mention imaginary.
21:33Is Thai food okay with you, Penny?
21:35Sure.
21:36We can't have Thai food.
21:37We had Indian for lunch.
21:38So?
21:39They're both curry-based cuisines.
21:40So?
21:41They would be gastronomically redundant.
21:43I can see we're going to have to spell out everything for this girl.
21:47Any ideas, Raj?
21:51Turn left on Lake Street and head up to Colorado.
21:53You know, I know a wonderful little sushi bar that has karaoke.
21:57Well, that sounds like fun.
21:59Baby, baby, don't get hit on me.
22:05Baby, baby, don't get hit on me.
22:10Good job.
22:11I don't know what your odds are in the world as a whole,
22:13but as far as the population of this car goes,
22:16you're a veritable Mac Daddy.
22:18Baby, baby, don't get hit on me.
22:29I don't know.
22:47Let's stop.
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