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مسلسل It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia مترجم - Episode 5
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00:02you're such a dildo dude thanks dude thanks that's a good way to start the day
00:07is that uh soy veggie health drink supposed to erase the damage you did to your liver last night
00:11that coffee gonna help you forget that elephant that you slept with last night oh come on you
00:16don't have to be so judgmental she was gross dude she wasn't that gross all right maybe if
00:20you lowered your standards a bit you'd get laid more give me a sip of this no i just want
00:25to try
00:25it you did not get to taste my delicious healthy drink after making fun of it why not diseases that
00:31girl had she doesn't have any diseases guys we got a real serious problem who's been a b and a
00:40dude
00:41a what a b and a dude a b and e what does that mean somebody broke into the bar
00:47and stole our seat
00:48breaking and entering a what what no no are you serious oh my god what did this happen last night
00:55i guess we just walked in this morning and found it like that who locked up last night i did
00:59but
00:59that's the thing the locks won't even broken so somebody just waltzed in here and stole the same
01:02yeah but it's not my fault how is it not your fault what do you mean well i know it's
01:06somebody's fault
01:06well it's somebody's fault i know guys guys guys guys we're not gonna get anywhere yelling at each
01:13other all right we need to be rational all right all right okay i think it's clear what needs to
01:18happen
01:19what we need to buy a gun
01:21what we need to buy a gun
01:48what we need to buy a gun
01:50so what do you think i think next time your boys ought to get the kind of safe that a
01:54relatively
01:55small man can't just carry away all right man there's been like a string of these robberies all
02:00over the area you don't have any leads or not really not really what in the hell does that even
02:06mean how could there not be any leads i mean the guy must have left something behind no people
02:10are working on it hey you guys they're pretty sure it's like the same guy who's been hitting all
02:14the bars around here yeah we're not trying all right so we're done here harris what so that's
02:19it yeah i'll call you if we come up with anything well thanks yeah thanks all right you know what
02:27dennis let's go get that gun whoa hey no no no no guns are not a good idea right they're
02:31dangerous
02:31someone's gonna get hurt yeah mac no guns guys somebody stole our safe right am i crazy we need
02:37to be able to protect ourselves in case something like this happens again clearly philly's finest
02:41don't give a shit no no no mac is absolutely right i mean what if one of us was here
02:44when it
02:44happened we would have been killed oh come on oh you don't know that well come on do we not
02:50hey hey colin hmm was that law enforcement yeah is everything all right no dude we got robbed
02:58last night oh shit are you kidding me fuck what happened well remember the other day when we were in
03:05the back room and you were making fun of us for having such a time that really sucks guys look
03:11we
03:11uh we have reservations like with gino's at 12 oh yeah guys it's a travis damn sorry
03:23dude your sister has the worst taste in men no shit i hate that guy's like a full-on 80s
03:28movie
03:28stereotype man plus he's a total player what do you mean you don't know about this oh my god that
03:36guy's dated like every hot bartender in town i saw him a week ago with wendy from dirty franks
03:41handle down the back of her pants oh gross very gross whatever dude charlie close-up shop
03:47yes let's go get us a gun
03:53so you really think they're gonna buy one no i mean i told them not to but matt gets a
03:58boner
03:58every single time he thinks about a gun well i think it's a great idea i'm sorry i think it's
04:03really smart owning and knowing how to properly use a firearm is an important part of what makes
04:09this country great that's what i try to tell them to tell you the truth there's nothing sexier than
04:16even firing a gun actually it really turns me on well that's exactly why i want you to teach me
04:24how
04:24to use one sexy it would be my pleasure i think the pleasure would be all mine you've got a
04:29poppy seed
04:29in your teeth that's a big one i'm in the bathroom
04:46hey you're just in time buddy charlie my rent okay listen listen for a second i cannot rent anymore
04:53don't come over here let me go get something and i'll fix it all right hurry up hurry up i
05:07can't
05:07wait too long long not patient you getting my money would you like a rice krispie treat
05:27i placed a couple of bad investments that could happen to anyone right okay i'm going to get your
05:37god damn money by the end of the month okay
05:43i come back tomorrow i want my god damn money yeah tomorrow i'm on my money okay
05:51okay
05:51okay dennis we're going to be very careful about this right we'll stash it right here just in case we
06:01need it till then don't go near it hopefully we never have to pick it up again hopefully
06:08want to shoot it yes
06:14yes how you like me now no you totally killed that lock i totally killed it i always knew that
06:19i'd be
06:20good at this but you were a really good shot that's great yeah you're pretty good too hoss you hit
06:24the
06:24lock like a bunch of times yeah if that lock was trying to route the place you totally would have
06:38killed it i would have killed it oh charlie check it out whoa no no no check it out that's
06:44not fun
06:45that's not a toy oh come on charlie i'm serious man we should be playing around with guns first of
06:50all
06:50we need to open the bar we got robbed wang is all over my ass because of brent
06:57you want to hold it no come on charlie just hold i want to open the bar is what i
07:01want to do charlie
07:01charlie for a little bit no i don't want to hold for a little bit fine give me the gun
07:05fine yes i'll
07:06hold the gun okay good nice really nice feel to it that's really good is this thing loaded it can
07:14be
07:22yeah can you feel it i can feel it describe what you feel i feel like uh i feel focused
07:30and i feel
07:31badass and just um badass you know i think he's got it matt yes he does got what charlie my
07:41boy
07:41you got the gun fever that's what i'm talking about you seeing this yeah that is sexy yep totally
07:54you feeling sexy uh i don't know hey hey it's all right to be a little nervous everyone's nervous
07:59the first time but i promise you once you put your hand around this you are gonna love it
08:08well actually i've got something i think you'll love i'd rather watch you shoot the gun here
08:16what if i just shoot the gun d okay
08:20why would i not be serious
08:23all right thanks detective nothing no nothing i don't think they're taking this seriously on
08:29any level dude of course they're not dude this is exactly what i'm talking about
08:32these cops don't give a shit about us i think it's time we took matters into our own hands
08:37how well maybe we should do a little investigating of our own you know
08:40some snooping around trying to crack the case we got the gun
08:44that's true
08:46want to go shoot it some more yes let's do that
08:51whoa what the hell what dude the gun's not here
08:55holy shit move move it's charlin charlie
09:07yeah i got the gun why charlie it's supposed to be here to protect the bar
09:11yeah i know i know i just uh you just what
09:16i just needed it is this the gun fever talking dude
09:21it's not i don't have the gun fever man look i'm coming into work later i'll bring it with me
09:26all right i really don't like the sound of this charlie
09:30hey hey hey i gotta go dude i gotta go i'll see you guys at the bar
09:34he hung up
09:36all right i'm coming
09:38i'm coming i'm coming i'm coming
09:41all right hang on a second there
09:47hey wang okay so you got my money now
09:49you know what i got some rice krispie treats in the fridge you want some more of those
09:56charlie
09:57i don't like you i never liked you
10:00so just give me my money
10:02or hang will be forced to
10:09i'm sorry forced to
10:13what you're doing
10:16what's that
10:17so listen wang let me talk to you about your money for a second
10:21uh i don't have it right now you know i just don't have it but uh i'm gonna get it
10:27because i have my ways
10:29do you know what i mean wang when i say i have my ways
10:35what is that is that a yes
10:39wang sometimes i can't understand you
10:41you're talking about i don't understand you
10:42so say yes if you know what i mean
10:44when i say i have my ways
10:45yes
10:46oh good boy get lost
11:04all right so we got the binoculars we got the ziploc baggies we got the mag light you know what
11:08i think as soon as charlie gets here with the gun we're all set this is great dude this is
11:11great we're like the hardy boys
11:14okay okay great so i'll be frank you be joe because frank was kind of the leader and that makes
11:18a little bit more sense because i'm coming up with plans
11:20didn't frank have the blonde hair
11:21yeah but that doesn't make sense
11:22right so i should be frank because i have lighter
11:24no the hair color doesn't matter it's all about who's making the plans
11:26well if we're going to play frank and joe aren't you
11:28yes well i'm the leader clearly in this partnership
11:30no no wait what are we why are we talking about this
11:32you're right we have a lot of work to do
11:33all right what's the first step
11:34so i'm the leader great let's roll
11:36wait no we can't go what are you doing we gotta open up the bar
11:40or we could call your sister to do her job
11:42that is if she's not having sex with colin and every other bartender in philadelphia
11:45oh man don't do that
11:46look dude we need to jump on this let's go do some investigating
11:51wait a second
11:54what
11:55holy shit
11:58i know who stole our safe
11:59you do
12:01yeah
12:02let's go get that gun
12:03yeah let's get the gun
12:04wait wait back back back
12:05oh back
12:05all right i'm driving
12:06okay
12:07no i'm doing
12:07look you just run away
12:08i hope charlie didn't do anything stupid
12:15whatever charlie's doing right now it's probably pretty stupid
12:19let's just hope nobody got hurt
12:22yo hey dude
12:23hey guys
12:24want to get that gun
12:26oh why
12:29well first of all we shouldn't have to tell you why
12:31we bought it it's ours
12:32but if you must know it's because we know
12:34who knocked over the bar
12:37really
12:38yeah
12:40can we get the gun
12:41why
12:41because we know who
12:42okay you know what dude move
12:44oh this place is a shithole charlie
12:46smells
12:47so don't you want to know who did it
12:50yeah
12:50yeah yeah who was it
12:51colin
12:53oh
12:54yeah think about it
12:55it all makes sense
12:56colin
12:57goes around town with every hot bartender chick
13:00right
13:00he woos them with his charm and his good looks
13:04he finds out where the safes are
13:05he finds out how to get in
13:06yeah you remember when sweet d said that he was laughing about how small the safes are
13:10all right right you saw how quickly he changed the subject once she brought that safe up
13:13right all right so what's the plan
13:15i'll slide the gun meaningfully into the front of my pants
13:19i know that game
13:21so why don't you go get it
13:23go get the gun
13:25go get it
13:25go get it
13:26go get it
13:26go get it
13:28go get it
13:29go get it
13:29hey d
13:30are you with colin right now
13:33oh no he had to meet someone at fingers bar huh
13:36yes
13:37okay
13:38i want you to take the night off okay you deserve it
13:42all right you're welcome bye
13:44you ready
13:44ready freddie
13:45alright
13:47there it goes
13:49i'm gonna stick it back in
13:58what a penis
13:59you wouldn't do such a thing
14:01come on let's nail this break
14:02wait hold on a second
14:05didn't fingers already get robbed
14:07um yeah
14:08so what's this guy doing going in for round two
14:11i don't know can we do this thing
14:13wait hold on
14:14do you think this guy would be dumb enough to rob the same bar twice
14:19yeah i do
14:19me too
14:21all right change the plans
14:22leave the gun
14:24i'm gonna get this asshole to hit patties again
14:27follow my lead
14:28i'm the leader
14:37hey colin
14:38colin
14:40what are you doing here
14:41what's up
14:42hey fellas
14:42expect to see you here
14:45yeah i was just actually i was leaving
14:47leaving
14:48i'm having a little drink huh
14:49a little drinky poo
14:49couple drinks
14:50yeah
14:51uh
14:52yeah just a little drink
14:53yeah
14:54yeah what's up man you seem like uh the cat who ate the canary
14:59no
15:00canary no i was just i didn't expect to see you guys here
15:02why
15:04well i thought you'd be at patties
15:05patties no we actually closed up shop for the night
15:08yeah
15:09yeah i thought we'd get wasted here instead
15:11yeah
15:11just a little freaked out about the robbery
15:13yeah
15:14but actually funny story
15:15turns out the dickhead didn't actually get all of our money
15:18no we actually keep it in the uh register instead of the safe
15:22yeah
15:22so uh
15:23stupid asshole didn't even think to look there right
15:24what a cock
15:25what an idiot
15:26what an idiot
15:27what a total idiot
15:29right
15:29boner
15:30really
15:31stupid idiot
15:32yeah so
15:33you know as soon as we get some new locks we should be all set
15:36yeah
15:37so we're just probably gonna
15:38hop in here
15:39yeah
15:39grab a couple drinks here tonight
15:40yeah get wasted maybe pass out
15:42yeah
15:42or
15:43walk home with a couple of hot waitresses
15:44right colin
15:47yeah
15:48totally
15:50alright
15:50well don't wanna keep you
15:52yeah
15:52we'll uh we'll see you later
15:53yeah
15:54look spiffy bro
15:54hey look guys
15:56maybe you guys should get a gun
15:59what
16:01well Dee was saying that you were thinking about getting a gun
16:04I
16:04I think it's a good idea
16:06good protection
16:07I uh
16:09I keep one on me all the time
16:13I don't know
16:15think about it
16:16absolutely
16:17enjoy your drinky
16:17yeah
16:18we will
16:19alright man
16:19have a good night bro
16:21yeah
16:21see you later
16:22he's gonna gun on him at all times
16:24well from now on so will he
16:25dude he just played him way too thick back there
16:28there's no way he's gonna hit Patty's again tonight
16:30you have to get moron
16:31that's a moron
16:31dude we don't need it
16:33hey Dee
16:35yeah listen uh
16:36there's a change of plans
16:37I need you to meet us at Patty's tonight after all
16:39there's something you need to see
16:42why did you guys bring me into this
16:44let's see
16:46did you start off the circuit right
16:47yeah we're all set
16:48check
16:52what the hell was that
16:53did you just cock back the hammer bro
16:55no
16:55wait a second you guys have a gun
16:57yeah
16:57hey listen to me we are not shooting anybody tonight
16:59I know
17:00Dennis
17:01you are not shooting one
17:03well anyone
17:03not to shoot anyone sweetie
17:05you know what I should be holding the gun anyway
17:06you're not holding the gun
17:08nah look I put this whole thing together
17:09I had better holding the gun
17:10well I put this whole thing together
17:11no I shot the wall
17:11I understand that but I'm the leader
17:13I'm the leader
17:13no but I'm the leader
17:15what what what what
17:16shh
17:19oh there he is
17:21okay
17:22what's he doing what's he doing
17:23he's walking toward the cash register
17:25oh
17:26he looks shady
17:27yeah
17:28that's him
17:29oh okay that's it that's it
17:30do the flashlight
17:31oh no flashlight
17:32turn the flashlight
17:33I can't reach it
17:34oh no no
17:35get away
17:36shoot him
17:37what
17:38shoot him
17:38shoot him and it's me
17:43did you get him
17:45I'm shot
17:47Charlie
17:48oh my god
17:49oh my god
17:50turn on the circuit breaker
17:51turn on the circuit breaker
17:52oh my god
17:52did you shoot me Dennis
17:53I
17:54I know I
17:55why did you shoot me
17:56oh my god dude are you okay
17:58where are you shot
17:59in my head
17:59what
18:01oh my god
18:03Charlie I shot you in your head
18:04I'm so sorry
18:05you okay
18:05no I'm not okay
18:06he shot me in my head
18:08no it must have just grazed his head
18:10you shot me in my head bro
18:10no if I shot him in the head
18:11he'd be dead Matt
18:12it really hurts
18:13I gotta go to a hospital
18:15alright man I'll call an ambulance
18:17bro the hospital's like three blocks away
18:19we should just drive him
18:19I know that but I don't want to get blood stains all over the interior
18:22you're serious
18:22you're serious
18:24alright I'll take you to the hospital
18:26god
18:27alright get a trash bag
18:28we'll put it over
18:37can't believe you shot Charlie dude
18:39don't stop
18:39he almost killed our best guy
18:40no no no no
18:41you told me to shoot Charlie
18:42no you almost killed him
18:43you guys told me to shoot Charlie
18:44wait you almost said that
18:44you made it to shit it's the fan
18:45you guys are like
18:47you told me to shoot him in the face
18:49I didn't say that
18:54it was really stressful
18:55no it's not
19:12hey there he is
19:14How are you feeling, buddy? You shot me, dude.
19:17Oh, but Charlie, you were stealing from the bar, dude. I mean, it was an honest mistake.
19:20I was talking, I wish you didn't shoot me.
19:22Charlie, if you needed some help with money, why don't you talk to us?
19:24Yeah, man. I had it all worked out, all right?
19:27I was going to make it look like all the other robberies going on around town.
19:31Then we would collect some insurance money and...
19:38Wow, dude, that's really just goddamn ridiculous.
19:41That was so dumb. I thought it was the best idea I ever had.
19:43No, it's not. Well, it might be the best idea you've ever had.
19:46Listen, listen, the important thing is that you are all right,
19:49and we talked about it, and we decided we need to get rid of that gun.
19:52Oh, oh, the gun. Yeah, we're getting rid of the gun.
19:55You could have been killed. Dennis could have killed you.
19:57Okay, good, yes. I think that would be for the best.
20:00Ah. Hmm.
20:02Dee, could you give me a nurse?
20:03Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.
20:09Tell me we're not getting rid of that gun.
20:11No way!
20:13Never. Sweet.
20:17No, he's fine. It turns out it just kind of grazed his head.
20:21Oh, that's great news, babe.
20:23Thank you so much for calling, though. You are so sweet, Colin.
20:26I guess I'm just a sweet guy.
20:28All right. Well, I'll see you tomorrow?
20:30You will.
20:31Okay. Good night.
20:33Dream of me.
20:38Idiots.
20:40MUSIC PLAYS
21:20MUSIC CONTINUES
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