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مسلسل DMV مترجم - Episode 1
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00:04If you're one of America's 239 million drivers, you've spent some time at the DMV,
00:10a place not always celebrated for its efficiency, organization, and customer care.
00:15But you know what? For those of us who work here, it's a pretty great job.
00:20Most of the time, I take a right at the light.
00:24Mother used to bus me around.
00:26What was that?
00:33Mm-kay.
00:35On second thought, let's head away from these dark alleys and see if you can handle a freeway full of
00:39witnesses.
00:39Traffic. Full of traffic. That's what I meant. It's part of the test.
00:43Go. More. More. That's good.
00:48Now roll down your window. And read this.
00:54Two double combos, two large fries, and two chocolate shakes.
01:00Oh, feel free to add something for yourself, big guy.
01:03That'll be $3,655.
01:14Do you take Apple Pay?
01:16Ooh, using cell phone while driving. That's not good.
01:21Uh, part right here. And use a side mirror, because in the rear view, all you'll see is everything you've
01:27ever owned.
01:29Oh.
01:31Hi there, mister.
01:33Oh.
01:35Well, I'll be tasting that for a while. Yeah, right behind the minivan.
01:39Highest score of the week. I am going to tell my boyfriend about it. He's a cop. We live together.
01:44Big guy. Bye. Have a good one. Move it. Please move.
01:59Hey. Oh. I thought you were waving at me. It doesn't matter. Oh, my God. He wasn't looking at me.
02:10Frye?
02:11No.
02:11What are you laughing at?
02:12Nothing.
02:14Slow day.
02:17Ready to save the world?
02:19Well, it smells like cat pee.
02:21That's me. It's ferret.
02:23That figures.
02:25All right, arm in arm. Let's go together. We move as one.
02:28Nope.
02:29Yeah.
02:29Cool.
02:36Oh, hey, guys. See this placard? It's been in my desk for, I don't know, eight years. But today, I
02:43get to pull her out.
02:44Like Excalibur from the Stone.
02:47Right? King Arthur pulled out the sword. If it's not a Vin Diesel movie, I don't know it.
02:53Congratulations on the promotion, Barbara. Thanks, Ted. You deserve it.
02:56You're a great team.
02:57Yeah.
02:57Seriously.
02:58You're awesome.
02:58It should have been me. Honestly, I work harder and I'm smarter.
03:01Agree to disagree there, Ceci. Okay, everybody look alive. Consultants are coming today.
03:06What consultants?
03:08The ones the governor hired to cut costs. I got like four emails about it.
03:11Oh, I don't check those.
03:12You don't check your emails?
03:14Not my work ones.
03:15How can they cut any more costs? I mean, this place is already falling apart.
03:18If they take away the free coffee, I'm out of here.
03:21I'm lying. I'm not going anywhere.
03:23I know.
03:23Good.
03:24Come on. We're examiners. Shouldn't be hanging with the paper pushers in the main pen this long.
03:28Ah, paper pushers. Excuse me. You know what, Vic? I'm a photographer. And a laminator.
03:37B-54?
03:39Yes. Good morning. How can I help you?
03:41What is that? What are you doing? Like a pirate accent?
03:44I grew up in New Zealand, but my parents actually...
03:46I don't need your whole life story.
03:47So the wife and I are traveling this summer and she said I need that real ID thing?
03:51Yes, absolutely. I can help you with that.
03:53Wait.
03:54Ah, shoot. This is expired.
03:56What?
03:57Do you have anything else? A birth certificate, maybe?
04:00Oh, yeah. I always just walk around with my birth certificate.
04:03I have my baby teeth in my pocket.
04:04Right.
04:05All right. I think I know what language you speak.
04:10How about I throw a little shrimp on the barbie for you?
04:13Oh, my God. Wow. That is $5, sir.
04:16As tempting as that is, I can't accept an expired document.
04:20You can, but you won't. You know why?
04:23Because it's a felony to bribe a state employee.
04:27Nah. Because a guy like you loves to stick it to a guy like me. And I bet it just
04:32makes your day,
04:33doesn't it?
04:34Oh, it does, sir. My gratitude journal is filled with moments like these.
04:38I'll be back. Next.
04:47Hi. You're here.
04:50Hi. You must be our friend from the consulting firm.
04:52I'm Barbara Berry, manager.
04:54Uh, Dan Wilson, Shetiza Balakrishnan.
04:57Dan. Ma'am.
05:00I don't know how anyone can live in L.A.
05:02Oh, I love it. We drove by that parallel lot on the way in from the airport.
05:05It was not on our way. And nor was Kevin Cost's Walk of Fame star.
05:09There's, uh, Kevin and I.
05:10Why don't you show us around and then we can start the interviews.
05:15As you can imagine, my team, oh, I love the sound of that.
05:18My team, they hear, uh, cost cutting and I just want to assure them that there won't be any major
05:23upheavals.
05:24If you're one of the surviving branches, very little will change.
05:26Great. That's what did you just say?
05:29Surviving branches?
05:30Of the four Hollywood DMVs, one is going to become fully automated.
05:34And by fully, you mean...
05:35No human employees.
05:37So everyone's going to be fired?
05:38No, that is not what we are saying.
05:41Then what are you saying?
05:42Impact will be felt.
05:43In what way?
05:44Unemployment.
05:45I think what my boss is saying is,
05:49we would like to start unwritten tests.
05:51Absolutely. Uh, it's right that way.
05:54I'll be right behind you.
05:55Barb, you are Captain Sully.
05:58And you just made your fucking geese land the damn plane.
06:06Not it.
06:09It's your turn, Vic.
06:10Can't just ignore the rotation.
06:13The rotation ignores our individual strengths, Greg.
06:17I keep the white entitles in check.
06:19Plus, any teens with hot moms.
06:22You're good with the wackadoos, and she calms the nervous and the old.
06:26That's the system.
06:27Drop off.
06:28And you've got one on dick.
06:29Really?
06:30Yeah, thank you, Doctor.
06:31We're hoping she dies.
06:32Okay.
06:36New guy.
06:38Hmm.
06:38Hmm.
06:38You gonna make a move on that, or just eye bang him for the rest of your life?
06:42I didn't eye bang him with what?
06:43So it's just a coinkydink that since he started working here, you started wearing makeup,
06:47stopped eating tuna, and only wear clothes that show off your ass.
06:51And you're not allowed to say things like that anymore.
06:54You staged the house.
06:55Don't blame me for checking out the Zillow.
06:57Plus, we got a hundred dollar bet going on whether or not it'll ever happen.
07:00My money's on.
07:01No way in hell, because I know you.
07:04And you'll never put yourself out there.
07:06Don't bet on...
07:07You think I got a shot with him?
07:09I think you can do anything that you put your mind to.
07:12Really?
07:13Also, it was the only option available, so...
07:16And if you're not interested, then I guess it won't bother you that hot Kristen's been
07:19all over Hamlet.
07:21Mark her on one of Greg's annoying fridge notes.
07:24And yet people still eat my lunch.
07:26Hot Kristen?
07:26She's only hot compared to homely Kristen.
07:29Really, we should just call her regular-looking Kristen,
07:32or wear the same sweater a week after I did Kristen, you know?
07:35Wait, mm-mm.
07:36I'm gonna take that old lady, because I'm a...
07:39I'm a good person.
07:51Okay, I got a proposal.
07:54If we're both still single at 40, you and me.
07:5840?
07:58I thought you were like 55.
08:00Hello, DMV MVPs.
08:02So, how's it going with the consultants?
08:05Great, great, great, great.
08:07Poor great, someone's getting fired.
08:09Oh, you gotta fire somebody on your first day?
08:11No.
08:13It's the opposite, actually.
08:14Turns out they're not here to cut costs.
08:16They're here to observe us, to make other branches more like our branch,
08:21because our branch is the best branch.
08:23Huh?
08:24Yeah.
08:25Hmm.
08:26Makes sense to me.
08:27Right.
08:27That tracks.
08:28Correct.
08:29Everybody is happy, and I am doing a great job so far.
08:34Who ate my meatballs, sir?
08:38Whenever you're ready.
08:42So, I just said...
08:44I just said before, you...
08:45We can start whenever you're ready.
08:48Ready?
08:50Yeah.
08:51What are you...
08:52No, stop!
08:53Wrong pedal, wrong other pedal!
08:55Stop!
08:56What do you want?
08:57You're not stopping, you're not...
08:58Oh, my God!
08:59Oh!
09:00This is a wheelchair!
09:01Give me that.
09:02Give it to me.
09:02Stop!
09:03Stop!
09:03The way you're driving!
09:05My God, that's not stopping!
09:06That's a kid!
09:08Kid!
09:09Kid!
09:10Stop!
09:11Stop the car!
09:12Right now!
09:13Oh, God!
09:14Build it!
09:16Stop!
09:25Did I pass?
09:27No.
09:29Oh!
09:30She kind of looks just like you.
09:32I love this branch, I do.
09:35No one shall be impacted here.
09:39Sorry, sorry.
09:44Oh, no, how close did you come?
09:47My life flashed before my eyes.
09:50Yeah, well, it was a real wake-up call.
09:52I can't throw away my life in some dead-end job for crappy pay and no hope of happiness.
09:58No offense, Greg.
09:59Oh, I wasn't offended until you said Greg.
10:02Oh, sorry.
10:03Well, I've decided I am going to make a move on Noah.
10:06What's a good icebreaker?
10:08Tell him to put one in his mouth and...
10:09Stop.
10:10What's a good icebreaker, Greg?
10:11Why don't you ask him if he wants to adopt that dog you're fostering?
10:14Oh, my God.
10:15That is a good idea.
10:16I mean, because if he's not a dog person, I mean, that is a deal-breaker anyway.
10:20Hmm.
10:20Not sure you're in a position to start imposing deal-breakers.
10:23What does that mean?
10:24Well, when was the last time you went on a second date?
10:26January of 23.
10:28You have no idea how hard it is to be a single woman in her 30s, okay?
10:31Is it any harder than being a black man in his 60s?
10:34Eee.
10:36I don't know.
10:37Is it?
10:38Mm-mm.
10:40Nope.
10:41I'm so sorry.
10:42I'm going in.
10:43Teeth?
10:44Mm.
10:45A little yellow one's crooked.
10:47No, is there anything in them?
10:48Mm-mm.
10:48A yellowish color?
10:49Doesn't matter.
10:50I'm going in.
10:51Graggles, I'm gonna win you 100 bucks.
10:54She's looking good.
10:56Oh, but what's this?
10:58Hazard in the road, pal.
11:00No way.
11:01Oh, an illegal U-turn.
11:07Looks like someone's headed to the rest stop to wait out adverse conditions.
11:10John, bye-bye.
11:19What do I like most about working here?
11:24Honestly, it's got to be the constant rush of superiority.
11:29Also, my favorite karaoke bar is two blocks down the street.
11:32So on the weekends, I just park my car here.
11:34I do an amazing Beyonce.
11:37Me too.
11:39Yeah.
11:40Oh, also, if there is a prize for best employee and or best dressed,
11:44I will just take it in cash value.
11:47Do I do that?
11:48No.
11:53Oh, hey.
11:54Hi.
11:55Noah, right?
11:56Yeah.
11:57Cool.
11:57I'm, um...
11:58Kaleigh.
11:59I know.
11:59Hi.
12:00Oh, you know my name.
12:01That's great.
12:03A girl's going back in.
12:05Oh, come on, Kaleigh.
12:06I was just wondering if you might be interested in adopting this little guy.
12:11I don't think you're showing me what you think you're showing me.
12:13My god.
12:15Yeah, that wasn't for you.
12:17Hey, I know like a podiatrist, if you need one.
12:20Mm-mm.
12:20Kind of looks like you might.
12:21On it.
12:22Okay.
12:23This is the dog.
12:27That is crazy.
12:28Yeah, it's crazy.
12:29I shouldn't have asked.
12:30No.
12:30I love you.
12:31It's crazy, because look, Marvin Gray, he was a bulldog as well.
12:34You had a bulldog named Marvin Gray?
12:36I did.
12:38Oh, my god.
12:39Your abs.
12:41Absolutely perfect, Marvin.
12:42He was the best.
12:44Wow.
12:45I can understand if you're not ready yet, so.
12:48I mean, I'm not not ready.
12:56Right?
12:57Do you see what I see?
12:59The connection between them, or the menstrual pad stuck to her skirt?
13:03How long have you been working at the DMV?
13:06It's temporary.
13:08Right.
13:08Is what I've been saying to myself every year for the past five years.
13:11The benefits make it really hard to leave.
13:13It's such a relief to finally have insurance.
13:16Mm-hmm.
13:16I'm always injuring myself serving.
13:18Congrats on the layback, by the way.
13:22Wait, how do you?
13:23Your Instagram.
13:25But I follow everyone in the office.
13:27Did you think it was just you?
13:28You're acting as paranoid as your great Aunt Linda.
13:31Okay.
13:32Anyway, I'm very busy.
13:35I'm a busy gal.
13:36Right.
13:38Sorry.
13:38What is that?
13:39Hey.
13:41How did that get there?
13:42Um, I assume that you went to the bathroom.
13:45Yeah, I think that's what happened.
13:47Hey, well, welcome to the team.
13:50Noah.
13:51It's a shame we can never, ever, ever speak again.
13:53Bye.
13:54Bye.
13:55See ya.
13:58Are you okay?
13:59Yeah, I'm really good.
14:01All right.
14:01So good.
14:03You can just Venmo me that hundred.
14:04I'm big ball 16.
14:06With a Z.
14:08Get off me.
14:10Why?
14:11Why?
14:12Move it, Steve.
14:14I'm just worried about when the truth comes out,
14:16and then everybody knows, and there's literally nothing.
14:18I'll call you back, Ma.
14:19Barb, I gotta go home.
14:21I'm not well.
14:23Wait, do you have diarrhea?
14:24Because there's a nasty bug going around.
14:27Oh, no, um, I just, I have a headache.
14:29Okay, well, then take some aspirin, and then I need you to...
14:31And diarrhea.
14:32Got lots of diarrhea.
14:34You need to go.
14:34The last thing this place needs is another case of the runs.
14:37The plumbing's already proved it's in no condition to handle that.
14:39Yeah.
14:40And I'm not plunging again.
14:43Oh, Noah.
14:47Looks like we're staying put, old girl.
14:50Don't you think it's ironic that the state is spending all this money on you two
14:53to figure out what's wrong with the DMV.
14:55When everyone knows what's wrong is that we don't have enough money.
15:01Um, it says here that you used to teach high school English.
15:05Ooh.
15:05Tell us about that.
15:07Yeah.
15:08Nah.
15:13Hmm.
15:21Oh.
15:22Yeah, let's do a more.
15:26There's nothing to be nervous about.
15:28Vic is a professional.
15:30I hope this isn't inappropriate to say, but you are way too attractive to work in consulting.
15:36It's highly inappropriate.
15:37My bad.
15:38You're both too attractive to work in consulting.
15:43But I'm honestly pumped you're here because I have a huge problem.
15:46I requested time off because my mama passed away, but was denied.
15:51That is terrible.
15:52I'm so sorry.
15:53I appreciate that.
15:55And it's happened twice.
16:01Okay.
16:12All right.
16:16Boom.
16:17Proof of residence.
16:18Hey.
16:19Ah.
16:20I am so sorry.
16:22Coupons are not a valid proof of residence.
16:25You do realize your job is to ruin people's lives?
16:28No, not you, Lon.
16:29I'm talking to some clown at the DMV.
16:31Because my assistant quit.
16:33Can't imagine why.
16:37This is mine now.
16:38It's out of ink anyway.
16:40Enjoy.
16:42Oh.
16:44Oh, what's wrong here?
16:48Um, hmm.
16:52Hello.
17:00Oh my god.
17:01Hey, regular.
17:01Kristen.
17:02Are you okay?
17:03Yeah, fine.
17:04What are you doing?
17:05It's so random.
17:07I was climbing out the window and my shirt got stuck in a nail and then I took the shirt
17:11off
17:12and I realized my stomach is in the nail.
17:14I'm gonna go get some help.
17:16That'd be nice.
17:18What are you doing?
17:19The photo first.
17:22Oh god.
17:23Can you just get the security guard?
17:25Just the security guard.
17:26And what would you say is the average customer waiting time?
17:29I'd have to say caring too much about my job.
17:35I'm sorry, what was the question?
17:37Average customer wait time.
17:39I'm sorry.
17:40He is typing way more than what I'm saying.
17:44Can I see?
17:45No.
17:46Of course.
17:46That was under professional, Barb.
17:48Sorry.
17:49Um, give it to me!
17:51Come on, let me just get a look at it!
17:54I, I need you to write good things please, okay?
17:57Just, today is literally my first day as manager here.
18:01And I want to do a good job.
18:03I love working here.
18:04Why?
18:05I mean, why?
18:06Because what we do here makes a difference.
18:10Having a driver's license means independence.
18:13And whether or not you have one isn't based on what you look like.
18:18Or how much money you make.
18:19Or if you went to college.
18:21It's like that on the outside, sure.
18:23But not here.
18:24And most importantly, I love every single person that works here.
18:28We're a team.
18:30We're one big happy family.
18:32We've got a jumper.
18:34Hey everyone.
18:36Hey, hey, what is going on in the, oh wow.
18:39Oh good, you made it.
18:40We can't just pull the nail, she might bleed out.
18:43It's right in that fleshy part of her stomach.
18:46Oh, that's called a muffin top?
18:48Ah.
18:48You see how her excess fat kind of hangs over where her skirt's too tight?
18:51It's like the top of a muffin.
18:52Muffin, yes.
18:53Thank you, Ceci.
18:54You're a real girl's girl.
18:55Well, this seems to be under control.
18:57Shall I show you the new eye charts?
18:59We switched to Helvetica.
19:00No, we're not leaving now.
19:01No, no, no, I'm oddly invested.
19:03How old is that bra?
19:05It's just lived in.
19:07Yeah, and you know your left breast is a lot bigger than your right one?
19:10It's official.
19:11This is my rock bottom.
19:13You know, my takeaway from this is how beautiful she looks up there.
19:18And how calm she's staying.
19:20That's the kind of energy that makes someone a good mother.
19:23Why are you helping?
19:24You bet against them.
19:25Yeah, for her.
19:27Okay, I'm gonna go around back and suss things out.
19:30Not till you buy her dinner, you won't.
19:34I swear nothing like this has ever happened before.
19:36Yeah, even the best branch has its days.
19:38Best branch?
19:39That is what we like to call ourselves.
19:41No, that's what you said they call us.
19:43Isn't that why you're here?
19:45No, I had to decide whether you should be shut down.
19:48Shut down?
19:49Excuse me, lady.
19:49Was there an email?
19:51Is the room starting to swirl for anyone else or just me?
19:53All right, I'm coming up.
19:54Careful underneath there, she's got terrible diarrhea.
19:57No, this is my rock bottom.
20:00I can't lose my job.
20:02I cannot lose my benefits, Barbara.
20:04I can't be at home with Tanya all day.
20:05We only have a successful marriage because we barely see each other.
20:09I'm sorry.
20:10The truth is, I don't know what's gonna happen.
20:13But whatever it is, we're gonna get through it because we're a family.
20:17Families get through anything.
20:20These people are not-
20:21I don't see her hurt from mine.
20:22Families break up all the time.
20:24Got it?
20:25Oh, great job, Noah.
20:27Muffin saved.
20:28Wow.
20:28So, should we take the rest of the day off or what?
20:30That was exciting.
20:32I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.
20:34You're coming back tomorrow?
20:36We're here for the year.
20:37Didn't they tell you?
20:40Here you go.
20:43You okay?
20:45Yeah.
20:49My lanyard got stuck in yours.
20:53Hey, did you want to go get a tetanus shot?
20:58A tetanus shot?
20:59Yeah.
21:00I thought you were saying it good.
21:03Yeah, yeah.
21:03Okay.
21:03I'm gonna get one.
21:04Yeah.
21:04I don't have diarrhea, by the way.
21:06Sorry, what?
21:07You didn't hear?
21:08No.
21:09Oh.
21:10Barbara said I had diarrhea.
21:11Thought you heard.
21:12You didn't.
21:12But I don't.
21:13I just wanted you to know that.
21:14Okay.
21:20You guys gonna go to the bar tonight, celebrate Barb's promotion?
21:22Eh, Tanya wants to talk about getting a couple's counselor,
21:25so I will be there until they kick me out.
21:28Well, I got airbagged in the face and impaled on the nails.
21:31I'm not really in the mood to celebrate.
21:33Hey, Kalit.
21:34Oh.
21:35Hi.
21:36Um, look, I was thinking I would love to know more about that dog.
21:41Will you be at the bar?
21:43Yeah.
21:44Okay.
21:45Cool.
21:45All right.
21:46Yeah.
21:46All right.
21:47See you there.
21:47See you at the bar, bro.
21:54I think it would mean a lot to Barb if I went.
21:56She's so important.
21:57Yeah, Barb.
21:58Yeah.
21:58Mm-hmm.
21:59Barb.
21:59I'm gonna rally.
22:00I mean, it wouldn't be the same without you.
22:03We're closed.
22:04No, you're not.
22:05No, you're not.
22:06Yes, we are.
22:07My taxes pay your salaries.
22:09What a psycho.
22:10Open the door.
22:12Hey, guys.
22:14Please don't embarrass me at the bar.
22:16Okay.
22:16No, you're not.
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