- 6 hours ago
مسلسل According to Jim مترجم - Episode 6
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00:01And Baggy the Bag filled his tummy full of groceries and was the happiest bag in all of Bagville.
00:09Boy, you didn't see that one coming, huh?
00:12Kind of makes you think, doesn't it?
00:14Okay, that's it.
00:16Daddy, read us another one.
00:17Oh, come on. Honey, is dinner ready yet?
00:20It's four o'clock, Jim.
00:23All right, I'll read you another one.
00:26But I get to pick a story.
00:28Okay, Daddy.
00:29All right, this one's called Baggy and the Sports Page.
00:35Look, the Chicago Blackhawks beat the Calgary Flames once again in overtime.
00:42Where's Baggy?
00:43He's coming, he's coming.
00:46Oh, quarterback Trent Green is still questionable for Sunday's game against the Titans.
00:53Said Baggy.
01:09Oh, honey, we're out of milk.
01:11Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry. Dana finished it last night.
01:14Dana?
01:16Dana?
01:16What am I supposed to use in my coffee?
01:23Wow.
01:24I bet this would be great without coffee.
01:28I like them too, Daddy.
01:31Me too.
01:38Oh, like a mother sparrow feeding her babies.
01:42Good morning, everybody.
01:44Hey.
01:45You ready for your blind date tonight?
01:47Oh, I canceled.
01:48What? You were so excited about it.
01:49No, he's a loser.
01:50You say that about every guy you go out with.
01:52No, no, no.
01:53This time, it's not me.
01:55Listen.
01:56Wiki, Wiki, Wiki.
01:57I'm Larry Lawrence, CPA.
01:59You can't talk to me because I'm away.
02:01Go, Larry.
02:02Go, Larry.
02:03Go, go.
02:04Go, Larry.
02:05Oh, God.
02:07Yeah, it gets better.
02:08If I'd like to leave a message for my mother, press 2.
02:14I can't believe what my life is coming to.
02:16Oh, Dana, you know, I know it's frustrating, but you have to stay open because when you least
02:20expect it, Mr. Right will come along.
02:22That's what happened for me.
02:29Oh, my God.
02:31Hey, that's my bacon.
02:32Hey.
02:33I'll bring home some bacon tonight.
02:35Home?
02:37You do know you don't live here, right?
02:40Dana, would you please help me get the girls ready for school?
02:43Oh, sure.
02:44And would you mind taking your toothbrush out of my bathroom?
02:47You didn't use it, did you?
02:49Not on my teeth.
02:54Honey.
02:54What?
02:55You must be nice to Dana.
02:56She's having a rough time.
02:56She hasn't met any guys she likes in months.
02:58Because she's always in my kitchen eating my food.
03:01The only guy she's going to meet here is Captain Crunch.
03:06Come on, honey.
03:06She's here even on the weekends.
03:08The neighbors think I got two wives.
03:10You set them straight, didn't you?
03:13I'll get to it.
03:16Look, honey.
03:16Soon Dana will meet somebody, and then we'll never see her.
03:19Well, I hope it's soon, because it would really be great to have a nice, quiet meal with my immediate
03:23family.
03:24Come on, buddy.
03:26Oh.
03:28How many times are you going to tell me to fix this before I just do it?
03:33Jim.
03:34It's on my list.
03:35Okay.
03:37Hey, Jim.
03:38I think something's wrong with the scale in your bathroom.
03:40It seems to be stuck on 300.
03:44Hey, Dana.
03:45You know what?
03:45I heard that there was a truckload of single guys just turned over on the expressway.
03:49If you hurry up, you might be able to grab one while they're still stunned.
03:52Uh-huh.
03:59Why are you in such a bad mood?
04:00Ah, Dana was over again, moaning and groaning how she can't find a decent guy.
04:05You know, your sister, there's nothing good enough for her.
04:07Oh, tell me about it.
04:08The glass isn't half empty.
04:10It's the wrong beverage.
04:11Yeah.
04:12Hello, boys.
04:13Hey, Gabriela.
04:14What's shaking, baby?
04:15Pretty much everything.
04:18Hey, how about two of those delicious breakfast burritos?
04:21Hey, Andy, what are you going to have?
04:24You boys are the highlight of my day.
04:26So are you, my darling.
04:29You know, Andy, I can't understand why Dana can't find a decent guy.
04:33I mean, look around.
04:34This place is crawling with him.
04:35Yeah, it's a meat market.
04:37She should come down here.
04:38Yeah, that would require moving her ass off my couch.
04:42What about that guy?
04:43Eh, he doesn't pop for me.
04:46What about that guy there?
04:48Yawn.
04:50Hold it.
04:51How about that guy?
04:54Yahtzee!
05:00Cheryl, why can't I find someone?
05:01Is it me?
05:02Am I ugly?
05:03Oh, no, honey.
05:04You're beautiful.
05:05I know!
05:07Hey!
05:08Hey!
05:12It's on the list.
05:14There is no list, is there?
05:16No!
05:17Dana, just the person we were looking for.
05:20We have a surprise for you, Andy.
05:22Say, Jim!
05:23Yeah, Andy.
05:24What's six feet tall, broad-shouldered, and named Nick Devlin, the welder who we're fixing
05:28Dana up with tonight?
05:30Gee, I don't know, Andy.
05:32That's not how we practiced it in the car.
05:33We did it a couple of different ways.
05:35No, no, no, I am not doing this.
05:37I am not going out with any of your idiot friends.
05:39Dana, look.
05:40If you're looking for a guy, I found a guy.
05:43He should be here any minute.
05:45Oh, I'm so out of here.
05:46Dana, why don't you just give him a chance?
05:48Because, Jim, the last guy you set her up with tried to pay the check with candy.
05:54Cheryl, she's gonna like him.
05:56Andy, isn't she gonna like him?
05:58I don't know.
05:59Do you like rainbows or sunshine or your destiny?
06:04I'm sorry.
06:04I'm not interested.
06:05I'm leaving.
06:17Yatsy.
06:20Huh?
06:21Cheryl?
06:22Oh, my God, Jim.
06:24He is gorgeous.
06:25I gotta hand it to you who have really done it.
06:28But you know what?
06:28While I'm thinking about it...
06:29Huh?
06:31This porch light is too bright.
06:34I'm a list.
06:42Peter?
06:42Sure.
06:45Did you hear that?
06:47What?
06:48The sound of Dana not here?
06:53Now all we gotta do is get rid of you.
06:55I hear that.
06:59Hey, what are you doing here?
07:00I thought you'd be out with Nick.
07:01Oh, I am.
07:02He's cooking steaks in the backyard.
07:03He needs paprika and some pruning shears.
07:05Pruning shears?
07:06Yeah, when he's done cooking, he's gonna turn the hedge into a squirrel for the kids.
07:10Ooh, topiary.
07:14Honey, my steaks?
07:16I wanted to cook them tonight for you and the kids.
07:19Who fixed that?
07:20Nick.
07:23Honey, I was gonna do it.
07:24No, you weren't.
07:25I know.
07:28I just thought dinner would be a nice way to thank him.
07:30I gave him to your sister.
07:31Isn't that enough?
07:33Come on, honey.
07:34I just want to have a nice meal with you, me, the children.
07:37I know.
07:38Honey, look.
07:38We can have steaks again tomorrow night.
07:40Steaks again?
07:41Well, we're gonna have steaks every night.
07:42We'll just go out to the steak tree and pull it off.
07:48Cheryl, you've got to see this.
07:50Nick's infusing the steaks with a papaya mango reduction.
07:52Oh.
07:53What?
07:54Oh, honey, honey.
07:55Look, I know this isn't what you had planned for tonight, but look, Dana is so happy, and
07:59it's all because of you.
08:01You know, you don't put fruit on steaks.
08:05Look what Nick made.
08:10I can't tell ladies, sing this song.
08:12Do-da, do-da.
08:14I can't tell race track, fly miles long.
08:17Oh, da-do-da.
08:18I'm trying to run all night.
08:21I'm trying to run all day.
08:23I bet my money on a bop-tail bag.
08:25Somebody bet on the gray.
08:31See you later.
08:32Thanks again.
08:33Dinner was great.
08:34I so enjoyed your playing.
08:36Drive safely.
08:37Honey, you live here.
08:39Bye, Nick!
08:45Beth!
08:55Oh, my God.
08:57Nick is so much fun.
09:00You know, I'll say it again, Jim.
09:02You have really done it.
09:04Nick is a terrific guy.
09:07You know, usually the good-looking ones don't have much personality, but Nick...
09:13And did you hear his story about mining diamonds in Africa?
09:17I heard, Cheryl.
09:18I was sitting there trying to get the taste of fruity meat out of my mouth.
09:24Honey, what's going on with you?
09:25Nothing, nothing.
09:26Let's just go to bed.
09:37Wait a second.
09:39What?
09:40You're making the first move.
09:42You haven't made the first move since I took you to that Gladiator movie.
09:45What Gladiator movie?
09:47Gladiator.
09:49Well, honey, I'm sorry.
09:51I just thought maybe we could make love.
09:53Cheryl, some guys can have sex when they're upset.
09:56I am one of those guys.
10:04Wait a minute.
10:04Oh.
10:06Are you in love with Nick?
10:07What?
10:08I mean, if you are, honey, if you are, just say so, and I'm out of here.
10:12I'll pack my bags.
10:13Where are my bags?
10:14We don't have any.
10:15We never go anywhere.
10:18Oh.
10:18Boy, I bet Nick's got bags with the little wheels on it, probably, huh?
10:23Oh, God's sake, Jim.
10:25Really, I want you to be happy, okay?
10:27Really, just say the word, and I'm out of here.
10:30I mean, you just got to show me how that bag stuff works.
10:32That's all.
10:34Well, all right, just make sure you empty all your drawers, including the one with those
10:39tapes you don't think I know about.
10:42You know about those?
10:44Oh, yeah, honey.
10:45While you're at work, my stewardess friends come over, and we watch them while we have pillow
10:47fights in our panties.
10:50I knew you did that!
10:54Come on!
10:57I mean, I saw the way you talked to him, laughed with him, sang with him, camped down
11:05races.
11:07There's no racetrack five miles long, okay?
11:11Okay, honey, look, maybe I have a little crush on Nick.
11:17Crush, huh?
11:18It's just a harmless little crush.
11:20It's not like I'm going to run away with him.
11:22I mean, how can I, honey?
11:23We don't have any bags.
11:28All right, okay.
11:30Okay.
11:33I'm not threatened by this at all.
11:34Oh, I know.
11:34Okay.
11:35Oh, yeah.
11:35In fact, I'm fine.
11:36I know, sweetie.
11:38You know, it's just a harmless little thing.
11:39I know.
12:02There you are.
12:07talking to me is there another wonderful person in this room no
12:14jim i can't thank you enough for getting me and nick together i mean i know i was resistant but
12:19when you're right you're right so this is just a little thank you wow montana steaks my favorite
12:29frozen mail-order meat say you like it yeah thanks oh don't thank me it's actually from nick
12:39great i'm not gonna eat it no that's exactly what he wants probably filled with fruit
12:50jim what's the matter i'm just sick of nick nick in the morning nick at noon nick at night
12:58jim you have to admit nick is a pretty outstanding man do you realize your sister has a crush on
13:03him
13:03yeah of course i do that doesn't bother you no i love it when cheryl likes stuff i have
13:10does it bother you me are you kidding i'm fine i mean why would she go for hamburger
13:17once you're gonna have salisbury steak
13:23oh you're serious
13:27i want to marry nick no i want to marry nick no i do nobody's marrying nick
13:38man my wife's got a crush on somebody it's me isn't it
13:45no it's russell crowe she liked him in that uh what was that movie where he played a gladiator
13:52gladiator why can't anybody remember that title gladiator gladiator
13:56jim calm down he liked my dad after a couple of drinks
13:59why i'm not wearing a dress
14:04shut up
14:09ah no she's got a crush on dina's boyfriend nick
14:13he's always in the house she's talking to him all the time
14:16oh this guy's in your house yeah
14:18that's bad yeah
14:20but you're the one that brought him here
14:22i know and i can't do anything without looking like a
14:24jealous fool
14:26i'm screwed
14:27all right it's cheryl's brother i'm neutral but as a man
14:31i think you've got to play the jealousy card here
14:34i don't know come on let her know about one of your crushes
14:37yeah jim that way you keep things even
14:40nice kind of restore the balance
14:42yeah all right but she's got to be hot
14:44like like judy jetson hot
14:48so who do you have a crush on
14:49i don't know let me think for a minute
14:51oh i know
14:53how about that girl on the channel nine news
14:54oh yes yeah yeah no no but the security is going to be tight and she doesn't know me
15:02oh i know gabrielle from that lunch wagon
15:04oh no no no
15:06no gabrielle is my crush and i ain't sharing
15:10yeah no law says two guys can't share the same crush
15:12right maybe not now
15:14but 500 years ago
15:15we'd have jousted over
15:17come on annie 500 years ago you're wearing curly shoes and a bill on your hat
15:22one two three four
15:31oh there's cheryl okay remember the plan
15:34i memorized the plan and ate it
15:36we didn't write it down
15:38and what'd i eat
15:40cheryl
15:40hi honey
15:41hey kyle
15:46hey jim
15:47i'm starving
15:48yeah
15:48how about some lunch
15:49sure what do you want to eat
15:51why don't we eat right here
15:52or we could eat right over here at the roach college
15:56next
15:57hey sunshine
15:58how you doing
15:59hey slim
16:00hi gabby
16:01hello been a burrito
16:03what's the cancer of the day
16:04you mean besides your dimples
16:06oh
16:07you want me to blush
16:08because i'm gonna blush
16:11uh how about two cheeseburgers
16:14and a bean burrito
16:15and what are you guys gonna have
16:17you want a card
16:19oh i'm the joker
16:21and i'm wild
16:27hey
16:27i'm sorry cheryl
16:29i'm sure this probably makes you uncomfortable
16:31what the card joke
16:33oh sweetie that was never funny
16:35hey
16:35whoa
16:36calm down
16:37hey you're getting a little out of hand here don't you think
16:40what goes on between me and gabby goes on every day
16:43i mean you know it's harmless
16:44it's like you know
16:46you know like you and nick
16:47really
16:48yeah it's nothing
16:51you know
16:53i don't think it is shit
16:54huh
16:55you may not realize this but
16:57this woman is trying to steal you away from me
17:01hey i'm gonna try to steal
17:02oh please
17:04i'm a woman too
17:05i see what goes on here
17:08cheryl
17:08you want him
17:09cheryl come on everybody is steering here
17:11i'm the boss
17:12i can't have two women fighting over me
17:15i know one of him
17:16he's just a three burrito launcher to me
17:18hey you know i see one for later
17:22he belongs to me
17:24honey please
17:24you want him
17:25you're gonna have to fight for him
17:28i'm bored
17:28i'm bored
17:29cheryl
17:30why don't you come down here and try to steal my man
17:33cheryl
17:34stop hiding behind that window because i am crazy with jealousy
17:37cheryl cheryl
17:38please please calm down
17:40please honey it's nothing
17:43is that what you wanted sweetie
17:50i'll see you at home
17:58all right guys show's over
18:02i'm sticking with the wife
18:16hey
18:16hello
18:20so uh what's for dinner
18:22i don't know
18:23i was thinking maybe
18:24bean burritos
18:28aha very funny
18:30she doesn't even sound like that
18:33oh come on honey
18:34if you were jealous
18:35why didn't you just talk to me
18:36i tried
18:37oh when
18:38when you were packing up your porn
18:39in your imaginary suitcases
18:42honey
18:43those are
18:44relationship videos
18:48honey
18:49it's just a harmless crush
18:51you have them all the time
18:52oh
18:53oh i do
18:54do i
18:54oh yes you do
18:56do you
18:57what about the
18:58the blonde cashier
18:59at the supermarket
19:01and there's also the news lady on channel nine
19:06oh oh and there's a girl at the looker store who calls you mr need a penny
19:14you know about them
19:16honey i'm your wife
19:17i know what you know before you know you know it
19:22hey what about
19:23she moved
19:23she did
19:26i liked her
19:28so you see honey
19:29we are even
19:30oh cheryl
19:31come on
19:32we'll never be even
19:34look at you
19:35look at me
19:38beauty and the beast
19:39i mean
19:42you know
19:42honey sometimes i just
19:45i don't know what you see in me
19:47oh honey
19:48i
19:49i see a funny
19:51sexy man
19:52who
19:53who loves his family
19:55and is a great dad
19:56yeah
19:57oh jim
19:58you never have to worry
20:01honey you are the only man for me
20:03really
20:04yeah
20:05until russell crowe shows up on a doorstep
20:08then i'm dropping you like a sack of potatoes
20:10honey
20:13oh
20:18well nick and i are over
20:21great
20:22i mean oh no what happened
20:25apparently nick's moving on
20:27he said something about the international space station
20:30i don't know
20:32figures
20:33i finally meet the perfect guy
20:35and i've literally driven him off the face of the earth
20:38dina you'll find somebody
20:40no i won't
20:41i'm gonna die alone
20:42with you guys
20:45no no no no
20:46come here dina
20:47come here
20:48you're gonna meet a guy out there one day
20:51you
20:52you will
20:52but you can't just give up
20:54you know that's the crazy thing about life
20:56is you never know when it's gonna happen
20:58but you gotta get out there and jump back out on that horse
21:02you just want me out of the house
21:03oh yeah
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