- 6 hours ago
مسلسل According to Jim مترجم - Episode 5
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00:06Hey, Cheryl.
00:07Hey.
00:08Oh, you're making Halloween costumes.
00:11Oh, I can't wait till I have kids.
00:13You know, handmade costumes are really the way to go.
00:15Yeah, I gotta tell you, it's a lot of work.
00:17Oh, Cheryl, I'd pay you.
00:20Dana, you know, when they're your own kids
00:22and you see them looking up at you with those sweet little faces
00:25and you hear them talking to you in those sweet little voices,
00:29Gracie, would you stop jumping off the freaking stairs?
00:35So, what are you going to ask for Halloween?
00:37Desirable woman going to waste?
00:39I have to work.
00:41Oh, you're not come trick-or-treating with us?
00:43No, there's a project due and everyone with kids gets to go home early,
00:46so it's just me and the lesbian in accounting.
00:51Whoa, are you guys talking about lesbians?
00:53Yeah, Jim, we talk about lesbians whenever you're not in the room.
00:56Um, I knew it!
01:00Did you take the trash out?
01:01Well, uh, kind of.
01:03All right, don't say no yet.
01:05Oh, boy.
01:05Oh.
01:06The bag broke.
01:08And I was going to pick up the chicken bones,
01:11and I thought, wait a minute.
01:14Chicken graveyard.
01:17It's spooky!
01:20What do you think?
01:21I think you get more into Halloween than the kids do.
01:23Oh, I love it!
01:25I do, I do.
01:26It's all that free candy, baby, you know?
01:28Sticking it to the man.
01:31No matter how much our neighbors hate me,
01:34when they see me with my kids at the door,
01:36they have to give me candy.
01:40It's the law.
01:43Mommy, Daddy, there's dogs on our front lawn.
01:48Dammit, they're eating my decorations.
01:53Gracie?
01:54Did you jump off the stairs again?
01:57No.
01:59I think you did.
02:00And I have told you a hundred times not to.
02:02Jim, would you tell her not to jump off the stairs?
02:04Don't jump off the stairs.
02:07Now, that's a hundred and one.
02:09If you do it again, young lady,
02:10you are going to be very sorry.
02:13Why can't I jump?
02:14Oh, honey, because you could fall down
02:16and hurt yourself like Mommy did.
02:19Well, so much for my chicken graveyard.
02:21Oh, don't worry, Jim.
02:22I'm sure you can make another one by lunch.
02:26That's really funny.
02:27Yet, no man wants you.
02:32Wait, there's dog vomit all over the lawn.
02:34I know.
02:35I know.
02:35Don't touch it.
02:36I've got an idea.
02:43Oh, man.
02:56Hey!
02:58Happy Halloween, nerd.
03:04You know, we got a meeting with the Fergusons in an hour.
03:06I thought that was tomorrow.
03:08Well, it was.
03:09Till I changed it.
03:11Hey!
03:14Here.
03:15That came for you.
03:17It was in the front.
03:18Someday you'll be mine forever.
03:20A secret admirer.
03:22Ooh.
03:23Secret admirer.
03:25Stud muffin.
03:26You're the man.
03:27Thanks for pretending to care.
03:29You're welcome.
03:30It's a doll.
03:32Of me.
03:35Wow.
03:36Some freak went through a lot of trouble for this.
03:39I think it's sweet.
03:40Someone really wants me.
03:43Dead.
03:43Dead.
03:44Wow.
03:47Ferguson's an hour, right?
03:56You girls look great.
03:58So you're a waiter.
04:00Yes, I am.
04:01Would you like to look at our special tonight?
04:07Oh, my goodness.
04:08It's my favorite dish.
04:10Gracie face.
04:12You know what, sweetie?
04:13It's a little chilly out.
04:14Would you go upstairs and grab your sweater?
04:16Atta, girl.
04:18Wow, Cheryl.
04:20You look great.
04:21No, I mean you really look great.
04:25You do, too.
04:26Really?
04:27You like it?
04:28It's my wedding touch still fits.
04:30Yeah, like a paint job.
04:32Hey, Kyle, my man.
04:35This is your first Halloween.
04:40What is he?
04:41Isn't he adorable?
04:42He's a peapod.
04:44A peapod?
04:45I mean an evil body-snatching pod.
04:48Oh, good.
04:49That's better.
04:54Don't even think about it, Gracie.
04:57Don't even think about it.
04:59You don't think I'm serious?
05:00Just try me.
05:01I am the adult here.
05:02I am the boss.
05:04I am the boss.
05:06You are really pushing it, young lady.
05:09Don't you dare jump off that step.
05:14All right!
05:16That's it.
05:17I warned you.
05:18No trick-or-treating.
05:22I hate you!
05:26So just I'm going?
05:28Yeah, honey.
05:30Yay!
05:34Cheryl, what was that about?
05:36I don't know.
05:37I was mad.
05:38It just came out.
05:39But you saw her.
05:40She's totally out of control.
05:42I know, but it's Halloween.
05:43It's trick-or-treating.
05:47Look, Jim, I have begged.
05:48I have pleaded.
05:49I've given her time out.
05:50Nothing worked.
05:51I had to do something.
05:52I know, but you don't take away a religious holiday.
05:55Hey, how are you doing, Brad?
05:58Good, Jim.
06:00What's that, uh, what's that in your front yard?
06:02That's a ghost with shoes.
06:06Spooky, huh?
06:07You know, uh, Al Krentis across the street, uh, he's got a skeleton in the coffin.
06:12Yeah, well, he's also got a son in a drag show.
06:14Happy Halloween!
06:23Hello, Ground Up Design, Andy speaking.
06:26Hello, Andy.
06:28Who is this?
06:30You took me out five years ago.
06:32That could be anybody.
06:34You took me to dinner and a movie.
06:36Claudia?
06:38Yes.
06:39I never heard from you again.
06:41Why didn't you call me, Andy?
06:43You should have called me.
06:45I'm sorry.
06:46You seemed a little, well, nuts.
06:49And you know what?
06:50I think I made a good call on that one.
06:53Hello?
07:00Nice costume.
07:05You've got mail.
07:22Oh, my God!
07:30Hello, officer.
07:31Hi.
07:32Yes, I think my life is in danger.
07:34There's this girl who's sending me love notes and smiley faces and dolls.
07:38Yes, thank you.
07:39Wait a minute.
07:40There's no Valentine's Squad.
07:52I don't know why I'm being punished.
07:56I didn't do anything wrong.
08:00I mean, our costumes are great.
08:02I don't even know if this is going to fit next year.
08:08Come on, Grapes.
08:09Don't be sad.
08:10Hey, ready for a corn chip race?
08:15One, two, three, go!
08:19Come on!
08:20I'm winning!
08:23Come on!
08:24Come on!
08:29Don't be mad at me.
08:30This is your mom's thing.
08:33She's the bad guy.
08:36Hey, you want to hear a joke?
08:39No, I can't tell you that one.
08:44Maybe if I clean it up.
08:48No, I can't.
08:49も, you know, I can't tell you or she can't touch them.
09:19Hi, Emma.
09:21Oh, you guys are really brave.
09:22I mean, you walked right past that ghost with shoes.
09:26My dad says you're crazy.
09:28Oh, he did, did he?
09:30Where did he tell you that?
09:32In a bar?
09:34Daddy, when can we go to Gertrudeen again?
09:37Oh, I don't know, honey.
09:39Maybe next year.
09:41How many minutes is a year?
09:44I don't know.
09:46Nobody knows.
09:49Oh, you're killing me, baby.
09:54Maybe we can go to one house.
09:56Really?
09:58I don't know. Mom said no trick-or-treating.
10:01Okay.
10:03You know what, though?
10:05If we just go to one house and show them our costume,
10:09that's not trick-or-treating technically.
10:12And if they give us candy,
10:15it would be rude not to take it, right?
10:18I love you, Daddy.
10:21I love candy.
10:22Let's go.
10:28All right, honey,
10:29we went through a few more houses
10:30than I thought we should,
10:32but good news is we beat Mom home.
10:35Trick-or-treat.
10:44You, upstairs.
10:46You're the boss.
10:47Not you.
10:49Really?
10:49Because it looked like you were looking at me.
10:51Are you sure?
10:52Maybe because she's...
10:53No.
10:54You.
11:00Let me ask you something.
11:01Yeah.
11:01On what planet is trick-or-treating considered a punishment?
11:05Oh, come on, Cheryl.
11:07We just went to a couple of houses.
11:12We took that from a kid.
11:16Jim, you have completely undermined my authority.
11:19Come on, Cheryl.
11:20It's not like she's going to be doing this the rest of her life.
11:22It's just a stage.
11:23She's going to grow out of it.
11:24You know what?
11:25I am sick of being the bad guy.
11:27Well,
11:28but why don't you try being a little nicer?
11:33And you know what?
11:34I...
11:35This would be a good time to start.
11:39You know,
11:40I am home alone with them all day,
11:42just trying to set some boundaries.
11:43And you come home after work,
11:44and you just tear them down.
11:46Mr. Fun Dad
11:47with your jokes and your games
11:49and your secret jelly donuts before dinner.
11:52How do you know about those?
11:54I empty your pockets before I do the wash.
11:58Now,
11:58I need you to back me up more
11:59and enforce my rules.
12:01Well, honey,
12:02what if I don't agree with all your rules?
12:04That doesn't matter.
12:05We need to present a united front,
12:06or the kids are going to take over our house.
12:08Oh, come on, honey.
12:10Take over the house.
12:11You're overreacting.
12:13But how come every time we disagree,
12:15I'm overreacting?
12:16Because
12:17you're the bad guy.
12:23So he goes behind my back,
12:24but somehow I'm the one who's overreacting.
12:26Can you believe that?
12:27I still can't believe you went on a second date with him.
12:31Okay, Cheryl.
12:33Problem is solved.
12:34I just talked to Gracie,
12:36and I told her,
12:36even though we went trick-or-treating,
12:38she still has to listen to her mother.
12:40Oh, good.
12:41I'm sure that solved everything.
12:42So you can thank me in
12:45bacon.
12:47Morning.
12:52Andy, please,
12:53put those away.
12:59What are you doing here?
13:02Slept in the back room.
13:03I'm afraid the snarker will show up at my place.
13:07Damn this body.
13:08It's a freak magnet.
13:16It's almost too easy.
13:17What is?
13:19Hey, fans.
13:20This is Claudia.
13:21You're dead.
13:23Hey.
13:26You're the stalker?
13:28Yes.
13:29Why would you do this to him?
13:31Because he is so mean to me.
13:33Last April Fool's,
13:34he called me and told me
13:34Aunt Charlotte died.
13:36She did.
13:37Yeah.
13:42Well, I'm in a groove.
13:44I can't stop now.
13:49That could be anything.
13:53My house suddenly.
13:57I'm gonna do it!
14:00I'm going, I'm going.
14:02Gracie?
14:06Gracie, did you knock over the lamp I hate?
14:08No.
14:09Are you lying?
14:10No.
14:11Ruby?
14:13She did it.
14:14Nobody likes a snitch.
14:19All right, Gracie.
14:20Go up to your room.
14:22No!
14:23Gracie, I'm not gonna tell you again.
14:26One.
14:27Two.
14:28I count.
14:29You don't count.
14:30Three.
14:31All right, that's it.
14:32That's it.
14:32Nope, you're in a timeout.
14:34And you're not going to
14:35Brittany's birthday party on Saturday.
14:37I hate you!
14:39Yeah?
14:39Well, get in line.
14:43Is that why I hate you
14:45I just heard?
14:46Yeah.
14:47Oh, then you did it right.
14:48Thank you, honey.
14:50What'd you do?
14:51Give her a timeout.
14:53Good.
14:53And I told her
14:54she can't go to Brittany's birthday party
14:56on Saturday.
14:57No, no, Jim.
14:57Jim, you can't do that.
14:59Brittany just moved in.
15:00She only has two friends.
15:02Gracie's half the party.
15:04What's that, Ruby?
15:05She doesn't even know Ruby.
15:07Come on, they're little girls.
15:08They all look alike.
15:11No, Jim, really,
15:12the whole family is gonna hate us.
15:13You have to undo this.
15:15Cheryl,
15:15don't ask me to do something
15:17then tell me the way I did it was wrong.
15:20I mean, it's like our honeymoon
15:21all over again.
15:28Oh, I know.
15:29I'm sorry.
15:30I know Brittany's very upset.
15:32Hey, you know,
15:32I have an older daughter
15:33who could come.
15:35Yeah, I'll hold.
15:36What a mess.
15:38What's going on?
15:39Well, the other little girl
15:39got sick,
15:40so if Gracie doesn't go,
15:41they have to cancel Brittany's party.
15:43No, I don't care.
15:45Yeah, hi.
15:45Hi, Donna.
15:46Oh, I know.
15:48I know.
15:50Give me the phone.
15:51Let me handle this.
15:53Hello?
15:53Yes, this is Gracie's father.
15:56Yeah, listen.
15:58Please don't do that.
16:01Hi, Brittany.
16:03Happy birthday, sweetie.
16:06No, no, Gracie doesn't hate you.
16:09No, she doesn't.
16:11No, she doesn't.
16:13No, she doesn't.
16:16Brittany,
16:17please don't cry.
16:19Okay, Gracie will be there Saturday.
16:23Okay, new plan.
16:25All right.
16:27All right, well,
16:28tell Gracie she can go to Brittany's birthday
16:29on Saturday,
16:31but no soccer on Sunday.
16:33Oh, that's good.
16:34She loves soccer.
16:35Okay.
16:35Gracie, come here, sweetie.
16:37Okay, you want to tell her
16:39or you want me to do it?
16:39No, you do it.
16:40You need to practice.
16:41I'll tell you what,
16:41you do it and I'll take out the trash.
16:42No, you won't.
16:43I know.
16:45Gracie,
16:46come on in here.
16:48Sit on the couch, Gracie.
16:50Mommy and Daddy
16:50want to tell you something.
16:52We're going to let you go
16:53to Brittany's birthday party.
16:54Yay!
16:55Hey, don't yay so fast, okay?
16:57Because you're still being punished
16:58for not listening to Mommy and Daddy.
17:00So,
17:02no soccer on Sunday.
17:03Oh, wait.
17:04We can't do that.
17:05Sunday's trophy day.
17:06What do you got Monday?
17:08Karate.
17:08No karate.
17:09She hates karate.
17:10Then by God,
17:11you're going to karate.
17:13This isn't working.
17:14Why don't we take away Friday night?
17:17Friday?
17:18We can't do that.
17:19That's spaghetti factory night.
17:25Can I go now?
17:26Yeah, sure, go.
17:30Well, all right.
17:32What do you think?
17:33I think
17:35I'm going to try
17:35the ravioli this time.
17:42Oh,
17:43what is she doing now?
17:44You know what?
17:44I give up.
17:45No, no, no.
17:46Don't.
17:47Cheryl, no,
17:47you don't give up.
17:49You got to think.
17:52Think.
17:54What would good parents do?
18:01Hi.
18:02Well, we're sorry to bother you.
18:03Yeah, we live down the block.
18:05Oh, yeah.
18:06You're the guy
18:06that stole my newspaper last year.
18:09Uh,
18:10I thought you were out of town.
18:12Why'd you run away?
18:16Now,
18:16that was another guy.
18:17You know,
18:18if he was running it,
18:19it really wasn't Jim.
18:22Uh,
18:23listen,
18:24the reason we're here
18:25is that my daughter,
18:26Gracie,
18:27would like to say something.
18:28Gracie?
18:29I'm bad.
18:30Here's the candy.
18:33I don't get it.
18:35Well,
18:35she's bad,
18:37and, uh,
18:38we're giving her
18:39Halloween candy back
18:41to teach her a lesson.
18:43Well,
18:44would you just
18:44take the candy?
18:46No.
18:47Look,
18:48come on, man,
18:48just,
18:49just take the candy.
18:50Hey,
18:50don't drag me
18:51into your freak show.
18:54Look,
18:54just take some candy back, man.
18:56I don't like candy.
18:58I don't eat it.
18:59Well,
18:59you're eating something,
19:00Pork Chop.
19:09Hold it.
19:10Gracie,
19:10would you sit right there
19:11for a minute, please?
19:16You go.
19:17I always go.
19:18You go.
19:19You never go.
19:19I know.
19:21Gracie,
19:23listen,
19:26do you know why
19:27we gave the candy back?
19:29I don't know.
19:31Can I wear my pink pants
19:32tomorrow?
19:34Sure, honey.
19:35Yay!
19:38Should I have said no?
19:40I don't know, honey.
19:53You need that whole thing?
20:06You keep it.
20:09Aww.
20:23Thank God you guys are here.
20:24Wait,
20:25what is this about?
20:26He was harassing a woman,
20:28Claudia Noonan.
20:30Oh, my God.
20:31I went to her place
20:32just to talk.
20:33She wouldn't answer the door,
20:34so I kicked it in.
20:36Then she goes ahead
20:36and calls the cops
20:37like I'm the nut job.
20:39It was me.
20:41What?
20:42It was a Halloween prank.
20:43Claudia wasn't stalking you.
20:45I was.
20:45You're going to have
20:46to come down
20:47to the station with me.
20:48Oh, what?
20:49Wait a minute.
20:50Guys,
20:51it's okay, honey.
20:51We'll follow you down
20:52and we'll bail you out.
20:53I can't go to jail.
20:55They have toilets
20:56in the middle of the room.
21:00Oh, no.
21:01I can't believe that.
21:04What are we going to do?
21:07Oh.
21:09Is that a real cop?
21:12He's a stripper.
21:15Really?
21:16I didn't say he was good.
21:19Cheryl,
21:20there's a naked cop
21:22dancing on our lawn.
21:24I know, honey.
21:25Ignore it.
21:26Okay.
21:28Okay.
21:28I know.
21:32I know.
21:34I know.
21:34But one is a evil.
21:34This is a battle,
21:39Bye!
21:39You
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