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00:01My name is Mike Rowe, and this is my job.
00:08I explore the country looking for people who aren't afraid to get dirty.
00:12How many rakers do you employ, by the way, when you're going full steam ahead,
00:15or do you just rely entirely on child labor?
00:19Hard-working men and women who earn an honest living.
00:22Yeah, what I'm doing here, PJ, is falling back on all my training.
00:25I realize I don't know what the hell I'm doing.
00:28Doing the kinds of jobs that make civilized life possible for the rest of us.
00:32If you have body lice, you have to go somewhere.
00:34Where?
00:34Away from us.
00:37Now, get ready to get dirty.
00:45Coming up on this special Dirty Jobs, I give two thumbs up for Dirty Conversations.
00:52Would you want to buy something that's sticky?
00:54I would like to buy something that's sticky. Yes, I would.
00:57With 90% new, never-before-seen footage.
01:00Don't charge it up, Mike.
01:01Sorry.
01:02Of Dirty Talk.
01:03Where was I?
01:03Oh, yes, cutting the butts out of chicken.
01:05That's a little sassy.
01:06Don't make me get mad.
01:08Dirty Talk.
01:09That's a little sexy.
01:10I give you $5 if you spank me with a dead duck.
01:13No, I'm not going to do it.
01:14Dirty Talk.
01:15That's a little savage.
01:17That's how you discipline the kids.
01:18See?
01:19She's a monster.
01:20Stop her.
01:20It's Dirty Conversations.
01:22I'm feeling that's going to look good, you offering me money.
01:26It's going to look worse you saying no.
01:30Oh, God.
01:31It's Dirty Talk.
01:32It's Dirty Talk.
01:33Oh, oh.
01:37It's Dirty Talk.
01:39It's Dirty Talk.
01:39Oh, oh, oh.
01:41It's Dirty Talk.
01:43Hello, everyone, and welcome to Dirty Conversations.
01:46I'm your host, Mike Rowe, and what a thrill it is to be here tonight at the Grand Hotel.
01:51You know, if Dirty Jobs really was a talk show, it would look a lot like this,
01:56and I'd have real guests like Carolyn and Marilyn Madel.
01:59How are you, ladies?
02:00Good, good.
02:01This is great.
02:02I first met Marilyn and Carolyn right here at the Grand Hotel over a year ago.
02:06They'd seen every single episode of Dirty Jobs multiple times.
02:11Who better to help me recall my dirtiest job ever?
02:14But hey, I got another one.
02:15What do you got?
02:16This is Frazier's basement.
02:18That's ding, ding, ding, ding.
02:20And who better to help me introduce you to our Dirty Conversations?
02:24See, the idea tonight is to make the point that Dirty Jobs really is about people.
02:28Oh, yeah.
02:29Okay?
02:30So I just want you to help me out with this a little bit.
02:33Do you remember the jam show with Cranberries?
02:36Oh, yeah.
02:37Oh, big time.
02:38What did you think of the women that I met there?
02:40They were funny.
02:41They were funny.
02:42Yeah.
02:42And you know what people say to me all the time?
02:44They say, Mike, why don't you have women on Dirty Jobs?
02:46And I swear, I think we have lots of women on the show.
02:48I've got lots of women on the show.
02:49I don't know.
02:50You've got a lot of funny gals on there.
02:51A lot of funny gals.
02:52Yeah.
02:53I think these gals are funny.
02:55You take a look and see what happened because our cameras never stop rolling and these people
02:59never stop talking.
03:00Yeah.
03:00You guys know what it's like to never stop talking?
03:02Yeah, because we never stop talking.
03:03Yeah, it's interesting.
03:04Phenomenon.
03:04We know that.
03:05Let's go back and have some jam.
03:07It'll be great.
03:09In the original show, we explain the job of jam making, but we didn't show you the jams
03:16I got in two with the jam makers.
03:19Okay.
03:20What do I do with this?
03:20You get some cranberries.
03:22You got to take, you got to make a full cut, eight cups of that.
03:25Eight cups.
03:26Eight cups.
03:27Is this an eight cup container?
03:28This is.
03:28All right.
03:29So eight of these.
03:29You're going to have to get your hand in there now.
03:31There you go.
03:32You don't want to pack them too high.
03:33No?
03:35Is that too hard?
03:35The eight cup is just a little bit below the lip of that.
03:38There you go.
03:39All right.
03:40All right.
03:41Good.
03:42This one?
03:42No.
03:43You got to drop that one.
03:44This one.
03:44That one.
03:45This one.
03:45That one.
03:46Not this one.
03:47That one.
03:47This one.
03:47That one.
03:49Okay.
03:50Can we repeat that process and dump it in this one?
03:54Why?
03:55You know what?
03:55Never mind.
03:56Okay.
03:56I don't want that.
03:57That's good.
03:59I don't want that.
04:00You stick that right back in the bucket.
04:01And it needs more.
04:03You got to make that work.
04:04More of this?
04:04You got to do some more pots.
04:05Yeah.
04:05What's this?
04:06This is our cranberry juice.
04:08We have to put, fill that up to here.
04:10You've got to put those.
04:11Now that you're falling behind, we need eight more cups in this one.
04:15You're getting behind.
04:16Chop, chop.
04:17You've got to admit, I'm getting a series of decidedly mixed messages.
04:22Tracy, can we mark this pot that this one's marked?
04:24Yep.
04:25All right.
04:26Why does mine have to be marked?
04:28Well, just in case.
04:29In case of what?
04:30You never know.
04:32If it doesn't set up.
04:33Just in case.
04:34An explosion?
04:35No.
04:35Just in case it doesn't set up, they're going to blame you.
04:37You have to come back and re-cook it.
04:39Yeah.
04:39These women are laughing at us right over here, just so you know.
04:42All of them.
04:43Okay.
04:44Now what?
04:44This one's ready to go.
04:46Go where?
04:46Okay.
04:46Ready to get pectin and the final sugar so that they can pour it.
04:50Pectin goes in here.
04:51But you stir it while you pour the pectin in.
04:53Okay.
04:54And for, you know, there might be some people at home who don't know what pectin is.
04:57So why don't you tell them what it is?
04:58It's just a setting agent.
04:59That's what sets the jam.
05:00So that it doesn't run out of the jar.
05:02Yeah, but what is it?
05:03I mean, where do you get pectin?
05:04We get it from a company in a box.
05:07No, no, no.
05:08I mean, it's like the makers of pectin, I understand.
05:13But what is it?
05:15I mean, look at it.
05:15It sits in the bottom of this thing like just disappointing wads of errant mucus.
05:20Hey, now that makes it appetizing as all get out.
05:24It's part of my job.
05:25After I'm burned deliberately, I tend to make fun of things around me.
05:28Go ahead.
05:28You stir that.
05:29Yes.
05:29Then you come over here and you get a quarter scoop of sugar.
05:33While I'm stirring this?
05:34No, you can let go.
05:36Again, with the sentence.
05:37You stir it while you come over and get the sugar.
05:39Just come on over.
05:40Okay.
05:42One of those.
05:43All right.
05:44There you go.
05:45I didn't have to do anything at all.
05:46Well, you will.
05:47You're not done.
05:48I haven't done anything.
05:49Here.
05:49Yes, you have.
05:51Don't make me get mad.
05:53No one's making.
05:54I just.
05:55Okay.
05:55I still don't know what pectin is.
05:57I don't know what's in the pectin.
05:59Just put it in the thing.
06:00Dump it in.
06:02Dump it in the pectin and shut your pie hole.
06:04Just shut up and dump it in and put in the sugar.
06:07How much?
06:08Nobody cares.
06:08Nobody knows.
06:09Just trying to get you to the other side.
06:11What can I say?
06:14That's the 21 ounce and these are the 13.
06:1613 ounce.
06:17Do you know why a 13 ounce is the.
06:20Preferred capacity?
06:22It's not.
06:23It's not?
06:25Then why'd they make them 13?
06:27For people who want them.
06:29They're different sizes.
06:30They buy what they want.
06:31You're messing with me, aren't you?
06:33No.
06:33Yeah, you are.
06:34Some people like the 13 ounce and some people like 21 or the 8 ounce or the 5 ounce.
06:39I understand the difference in taste and style.
06:41I'm just wondering who thought 13 would be the right amount to go out there with, you know.
06:46I should probably ask the boss since she's the boss and probably knows the answer.
06:50Probably.
06:51Would you remind me to ask her later?
06:53Yes.
06:53Because.
06:54I'll remind you.
06:55Do you promise?
06:56I promise.
06:57Promise what?
06:58That I'll remind you.
06:59To do what?
07:00To ask her why they made a 13 ounce jar.
07:02Right.
07:02Just making sure you're listening.
07:04So, is that it then?
07:06We wait for these to?
07:07Yeah.
07:08They're pouring syrup over there.
07:10You make syrup as well?
07:12Yeah.
07:13I didn't know that.
07:14I thought it was just jam and jelly, Tracy.
07:16A whole bunch and a whole lot more.
07:18What else is the whole lot more?
07:20Syrup and salsa and barbecue sauce and make a whole line of different things.
07:26Syrup, salsa, barbecue sauce, jam, jelly.
07:31Steak rugs, chicken rugs.
07:34And rugs.
07:37Ketchup, mustard.
07:39Really?
07:39Yeah.
07:40All kinds of good stuff.
07:41Why don't you tell me any of this?
07:43You didn't ask.
07:45What do I have to ask?
07:46Okay.
07:46All right.
07:47No, I'll play that way.
07:48Okay.
07:49We'll meet again and I'll have many questions.
07:50Sounds good.
07:51I will ask them all.
07:52Go ask Sandy about our syrup.
07:54Maybe I will.
07:55Okay.
07:56Not because you told me to, though, because I'm interested in the syrup.
07:58Good.
07:59That's good.
08:00All right.
08:01I'm not going to be told what to do.
08:02All right.
08:04Good job.
08:07Man.
08:09Do you even like syrup in real life?
08:12I really don't use it.
08:14No.
08:16You've never had cranberry syrup, Deborah Kay?
08:18No.
08:23You want to try some with me later?
08:25No, thank you.
08:26Come on.
08:26Let's go out.
08:27I saw a nice little pancake house down the road.
08:30Get ourselves a nice big stack.
08:32Slather it up with some cranberry.
08:37What do you say?
08:38You?
08:40I don't eat pancakes.
08:42You don't eat pancakes and you don't eat syrup?
08:44Here you go with that.
08:45Yeah.
08:46Gary and I have pretty much peaked, I'm afraid.
08:49All right.
08:50Okay.
08:50That doesn't look clean.
08:53Would you like to buy something that was sticky?
08:56I would like to buy something that's sticky.
08:58Yes, I would.
09:00Not a dirty bottle.
09:01Are you selling something that's sticky?
09:04No, I meant the bottle.
09:06You don't want to buy a dirty bottle.
09:09Probably not.
09:11I don't, you know what?
09:12I really don't put a lot of thought into it.
09:14It would if it stuck to your hand.
09:18I'd have to find a way to soldier on, I suppose.
09:30Would you buy a dirty bottle?
09:32No, I wouldn't.
09:32Wouldn't you?
09:33No.
09:33That was the answer she was looking for, but I just wasn't inclined to give it to her
09:36because I found her tone to be a tad supercilious.
09:42Does that screw you guys up when we talk at the same time?
09:45No, it's charming.
09:45When we come back, we're all going to talk at the same time about Vexcon, Mud Shampoo, and
09:49maggots.
09:50Stay with us, everybody.
09:51More conversations when we return.
09:52That's called a tease.
09:53Okay.
09:54Okay.
09:54You guys know anything about teasing?
09:56You tell them what's coming.
09:58That's right.
09:58Yeah.
09:58Yeah, it's good to tease.
09:59Yeah.
10:00If you're twins.
10:01Yeah.
10:03And later, the conversation turns sexy.
10:07Women are multitask.
10:08They can do a lot of things at once.
10:10Oh, I know.
10:11Oh, I know.
10:12The sexy turns scientific.
10:14I find that complicated.
10:16Pretty simple.
10:17I'm just a simple man.
10:19You said it, not me.
10:20And the scientific turns super gross.
10:23You were poking the bloody poo, you dirty man.
10:26Dirty Conversations is 90% new.
10:29Oh, dang.
10:39Welcome back, everybody, to the Grand Hotel and the first ever Dirty Conversations special,
10:44where we're looking back at some of the...
10:46I don't even know what we're doing, to be perfectly honest with you.
10:49But I'm here with Carolyn and Marilyn, possibly the biggest fans in the history of Dirty Jobs,
10:52joining us here to look back at this, that, and the other.
10:54Oh, yeah.
10:55Well, you meet a lot of one of my people, I'll tell you.
10:58You think?
10:58Yeah.
10:58Oh, yeah.
10:59You meet a lot of characters.
11:01Really?
11:01Yeah.
11:03Characters?
11:03Yeah.
11:04I've met a few.
11:04What's the symbology all about here?
11:06Talk about that.
11:08Well, basically, the last time this banner was ever flown was with the Templars about 800,
11:14900 years ago.
11:15The Knights?
11:16Yeah, the Knights of Templar.
11:17And our religious philosophy is very similar to theirs.
11:21The Templars kind of went around the world gathering knowledge.
11:23That's exactly what we do.
11:25We gather knowledge.
11:26It helps us fight our battles better.
11:28And there is no vexation that's too great for us.
11:31It can be from a cockroach to Villa Veloci Luminate.
11:35So it doesn't matter to us.
11:36We'll get it.
11:37Good God, man.
11:38I thought you were just a simple exterminator.
11:39You're a philosopher, a politician.
11:42You're an iconoclast.
11:42Hey, I do service for millionaires to crack whores.
11:46I see it all.
11:46You can't hide from this side.
11:48What about millionaire crack whores?
11:49They're out there, you know.
11:50Oh, they got that, too.
11:51They got a little bit of everything out there.
11:53Your wife-to-be has an interesting belt buckle.
11:55Yep.
11:56She's Mrs. Death.
11:58Oh, that's sweet.
12:00What do the folks in the neighborhood think when you and your team here roll up in this
12:04black-on-black with the skull and crossbones and the shades and the whole routine?
12:08They pretty much think we're psychotic.
12:09They don't know if we're cops, bounty hunters, but they keep their distance and they allow us
12:14breathing room to do our job.
12:15I imagine they do.
12:17Diana and Jim here at the World Terra Essentials headquarters, correct?
12:22That's right.
12:23What's going on here?
12:24Seriously, you guys are making mud, you're making shampoo, you're making what?
12:28Well, we call it hair wash.
12:30Hair wash is like shampoo, right?
12:31Yeah.
12:32It cleans the hair and it does a beautiful job of it.
12:34Why don't you call it shampoo?
12:35Because it's unlike shampoo.
12:37It doesn't have any detergents, doesn't have any surfactants.
12:41It's rocks that come from beneath the earth.
12:46When we first started, we thought these were the coolest things because we're kind of odd.
12:51But when we started showing them to our friends and our customers, they thought we were nuts
12:55because they said there's no way I'm going to use a rock to wash my face or wash my hair.
13:00How much space is it between kind of odd and nuts, you think, on the scale?
13:04I think we're kind of maybe in between odd, a little closer to odd, but sometimes going nuts.
13:11So odd to Jim, you concur?
13:14Between odd and nuts, yes.
13:15All right.
13:16Yeah, normal people worry us.
13:18Good.
13:21You shouldn't do that.
13:22Why?
13:23Customers don't want your hairs in their, in your sweater fibers and shirt fibers in their product.
13:30Maybe they do.
13:32No, they don't.
13:33Well, your customers don't.
13:35But our viewers, believe me.
13:39Can I put this in?
13:40You certainly can.
13:43Demonstrating, once again, the shearing, uh...
13:46Shearing face?
13:48Okay.
13:50That was not supposed to happen.
13:52I may have...
13:53I may have broken something.
13:56And if I did, I'm going to go ahead and apologize for that now.
14:00Well, fortunately, we're not making a product that, you know, comes in contact with skin or anything, are we?
14:10Not to scare you, but we're going to put the mud on your head.
14:13Okay?
14:14I'm not scared.
14:15Okay.
14:16Yes, you're a brave guy.
14:18I've never felt more beautiful.
14:24You know, uh, a lot of people think that, uh, that these things are dirty.
14:29We use them for, besides, uh, animal food, we're going to develop them for human food.
14:35In fact, we do have a customer that uses these for a big cocktail party in New York every year.
14:40Yeah, here.
14:41Yeah, true story.
14:42In New York?
14:42At the Waldorf Astoria, you can have a maggot-stuffed mushroom cap.
14:48Come on.
14:49Really?
14:50Yeah.
14:50If you want the recipe, in a saute pan with some butter and some shallots,
14:56cook up your nice, fresh, killed maggots until they're all pink.
14:59Then cool them down.
15:01Mix in with breadcrumbs that have been seasoned.
15:05And a little bit of eggs, beaten eggs.
15:08Make it into a nice mixture.
15:09Then pack it into mushroom caps.
15:12A few more maggots on top for decoration.
15:14And then a 450 oven for seven minutes.
15:19And if you like meatloaf, it's great.
15:22It's probably going to help you.
15:24It's like having yogurts, you know?
15:26Moves things along.
15:27Good.
15:27Yeah.
15:28We should move along, too.
15:29All right, well, look, we've got to take a break.
15:31That was Skip, and he was fantastic, and we can have some more, too.
15:33Dave, are you going to serve us, or what?
15:35Do I actually have to call an actual?
15:36Come on over here and get them a crumpeter's trumpet.
15:39That juice is good.
15:39And when we come back, we're going to take a look at alpacas, mannequins,
15:43maybe some glass blowing, and our good friend Trudy.
15:46You remember Trudy.
15:47What did Trudy say?
15:48Wait a minute, wait a minute.
15:49Oh, Trudy.
15:49Goose down.
15:50She was a goose.
15:50That's right.
15:51She said, show me how you do it.
15:52And she says, you go in, out, and up.
15:55And you told the grandson, did you hear what your grandmother just said?
16:00We'll leave it at that.
16:01We'll leave it at that.
16:02Let's leave it at that.
16:02Yeah.
16:03But come back when we're done.
16:05Oh, yeah.
16:07And later.
16:07Quit flapping your thumbs and do some work.
16:09Yeah, you better feed that through there.
16:10I'm left speechless.
16:11I don't like the way I feel when I say potty.
16:13When Dirty Conversations comes clean.
16:16Yeah, we'll never use any of this.
16:18Oh, good.
16:18I mean, I can't imagine.
16:19Oh, good.
16:20Then I'm taking off my hair now because I'm potty as hell.
16:32Welcome back, everybody.
16:33Dirty Conversations, Act 3.
16:35Things are starting to heat up.
16:37I'm joined with Carolyn and Marilyn Madel.
16:40And I want to talk about flirtatious conversations.
16:43I don't remember that.
16:44Come on.
16:44You've got to be kidding me.
16:45Yeah, but I don't remember it titled that way.
16:47Oh, no.
16:47It's never been titled that way.
16:48Yeah, but you've got to give us this example.
16:50I can't give you any actual examples of these flirtatious conversations because, frankly,
16:56they were just too smoking hot to put on the air.
16:58But I'll show them to you now if you promise not to tell.
17:01Do you want to hold one hand there and kind of pull it?
17:05Okay.
17:05And let it go.
17:07Hold it, pull it, let it go.
17:08Don't pull it, tug it, but don't pull it.
17:09Push it.
17:10No, no, you're tugging it while we're pulling it.
17:12I should have been tugging it.
17:14Well, yeah.
17:14I know.
17:15Women are multitask.
17:17They can do a lot of things at once.
17:18Oh, I know.
17:20Oh, I know.
17:23Well, we're a pretty good team.
17:24If I just sit here and concentrate on my foot.
17:26Oh, yeah.
17:26Can I lean on your knee?
17:27And you just lean on my thigh like that, we'll make a sweater.
17:29Yeah.
17:32I'll have to add some more.
17:34Can you reach down and get that other little bit there?
17:36You bet I can.
17:37Otherwise, I'd have to lean over you.
17:39You mean this little?
17:40How bad do you want it?
17:42Come on, you got to want the yarn.
17:43You got to want it.
17:44Oh, can you please?
17:46Sorry.
17:48You can hold my hands if you want.
17:50Oh.
17:52People just look at me kind of crazy sometimes.
17:55They kind of go, all right, where is she coming from?
17:58I used to meditate a lot.
18:00Well, you know, there's that hippie thing again.
18:01But I used to do a lot of meditation.
18:04And then I got into...
18:06Dirty jobs.
18:07You want to stop?
18:08I don't know.
18:08Do I?
18:09Yeah, you do.
18:09See, it's gone over.
18:11You'll have to give me your number.
18:13All right.
18:14Maybe I'll knit it up for you.
18:17Oh.
18:18Or you could weave it.
18:19You know, there are people that weave names.
18:21It's a whole drafting type of thing where you figure out...
18:26Weave names?
18:27Oh, yeah.
18:29What's happening to people these days?
18:31They're just out there.
18:38Okay.
18:39You're going to close it up?
18:40I think we might have something there.
18:43You've been struck with a dead duck by...
18:45Oh, I've hit him with a dead duck.
18:47Many times.
18:48No, that's a goose, right?
18:50That's a heavy one.
18:52Hit me with it once, just so I can understand what went on here.
18:55I'm not going to hit you.
18:56Spank me.
18:57No, could you spank me with a dead duck?
18:58No, I'm not going to.
19:00I'll give you a dollar.
19:01Five dollars.
19:06Oh, go away.
19:07I'll give you five dollars if you spank me with a dead duck.
19:10No, I'm not going to do it.
19:11Ten.
19:12No.
19:13Twenty.
19:13No.
19:14Two hundred.
19:15No.
19:16No amount of money?
19:17No amount of money.
19:19She used to smack you with a dead duck for nothing.
19:21She won't take my money to return her favor.
19:24On film, that's going to look good, you offering me money.
19:27It's going to look worse, you saying no.
19:30How you think the duck feels?
19:34See how I held the tail back?
19:36And look what happened.
19:37Just crapped all over you, Trudy.
19:39It sure did.
19:41All right.
19:41You were lucky you weren't holding it.
19:43My lucky day.
19:46Now I have to go wash.
19:48Nah.
19:49You know what?
19:50I find it works nicely as a lotion.
19:52You know, you can rub it all.
19:53It's like a moisturizer.
19:56See, you get all this and you rub it in nice like that.
19:58Oh, God.
19:59Oh, look.
19:59It's like a...
20:01Oh, come on.
20:01That's not right.
20:03You took it to a whole dirty level.
20:05Bad, bad girl.
20:06I did.
20:07I did.
20:07Now I have to wash him off.
20:10Sorry about that.
20:11It was reflex.
20:13Sure it is.
20:14Sure it is.
20:15I didn't get a thing on him.
20:17No bird doo-doo.
20:19See?
20:27She was a character, though.
20:28She was funny, though.
20:29We liked her.
20:30Everything she said.
20:31Should be on a T-shirt.
20:32That's exactly right.
20:34Including that.
20:36When we come back, we'll put more stuff on a T-shirt.
20:39All right.
20:40It's Dirty Conversations.
20:41Here at the Grand Hotel.
20:42You like it when I talk like that?
20:43Yeah.
20:43It sounds good.
20:44It sounds good.
20:45It's exciting.
20:45Yeah.
20:46All right, then.
20:47Later.
20:48Conversations guaranteed to make you blush.
20:50You don't have to tell me everything.
20:53But I want to, Mike.
20:55It's Vegas, baby.
20:56What happens in Vegas?
20:57It's anything, baby.
21:04Welcome back, everybody.
21:06It's Dirty Conversations here in the Grand Hotel,
21:08which means we're doing dirty jobs just like we would a talk show,
21:12which means there are many cameras that I can look to.
21:15It's a very exciting time for me personally and, of course,
21:17for Marilyn and Carolyn Madel to be here to talk about dirty jobs
21:21and whatever else you guys want to talk about.
21:22Our very first guests on this fake notion that dirty jobs could be a talk show.
21:28Why is it you think so many people want to be on TV?
21:30Because we were talking before, when you watch dirty jobs,
21:32it just seems like people are...
21:34So they want their five minutes of fame.
21:35Yeah.
21:36You know, some people will do anything to get on TV.
21:38They'll embarrass themselves.
21:39They don't care.
21:40They don't care.
21:40They'll do anything.
21:41They want to be on television.
21:43They'll dress alike.
21:44Oh, yeah.
21:46We did that before that, though.
21:47Oh, yeah.
21:48You remember my 100th job?
21:50Oh, the Army.
21:51The Army.
21:52That's right.
21:52Man, they worked you hard on that one.
21:54Those guys nearly killed me.
21:55And it was hot down there.
21:56You guys had layers of clothes on.
21:58Layers of clothes.
21:59And then you had the helmet on.
22:00It was about 100 degrees?
22:00And you had the helmet on.
22:01That must have been fun.
22:03Yeah, miserable.
22:04Absolutely miserable.
22:04And those guys didn't care about TV one way or the other.
22:07They didn't care about the cameras.
22:09They didn't care about anything.
22:09They didn't enjoy being on there?
22:11I won't say they didn't enjoy it.
22:13I'm just saying they didn't care.
22:15Do you want to be on this side?
22:16We're going to have one on that side and stagger ourselves all the way back.
22:18Right.
22:18And then we're going to pull in unison.
22:19Who's going to be on the end?
22:21We're going to have, uh, I'll be on the end.
22:23Because I remember tug-of-war in grade school.
22:26You always put the crankiest guy.
22:27Picking on the big guy?
22:29Kind of.
22:30Not a good move.
22:31If I were to analyze this myself and put my own spin on it, Sergeant Hancock, I'd say my, uh,
22:36my initial gut instinct was spot on.
22:38And, uh, Sergeant Winstead.
22:40All right, gun flapping done.
22:41Let's get this thing here.
22:42Come on.
22:42Grab a hold of the internet and untie that rope.
22:45We can pull six times the amount of weight that we could normally pull on a straight rope.
22:51There you go.
22:52Exactly.
22:52All right?
22:53Exactly.
22:53You're multiplying that force.
22:54You bet I am.
22:55Multiplying the force.
22:56So we're adding mechanical advantage.
22:57Gotcha.
22:58So every line adds a subsequent and exponential factor to that?
23:03Don't church it up, Mike.
23:04Sorry.
23:05We're going to hook up two simple tackle systems.
23:07Which means each end is going to be anchored.
23:10But we're going to complicate it.
23:11Isn't it complex?
23:12Compound.
23:13Compound.
23:13Right.
23:14Can it be simple and compound simultaneously?
23:17Compounds are pretty simple.
23:18It's just two simples that make a compound.
23:20Oh.
23:21Simple square, it's compound.
23:22There you go.
23:23I find that complicated.
23:25It's pretty simple.
23:25I'm just a simple man.
23:27You said it, not me.
23:30But you tacitly agreed.
23:32No, I just didn't disagree.
23:36Just exactly what he explained up there, because I didn't hear any of that.
23:41He said that if you could come out of your shell, you'd probably, you know, make friends and assimilate well
23:49into the society that we have here.
23:52Okay, now break that down into the military terms so I can understand it.
23:54You said do whatever you tell me.
23:56Okay, let's go.
23:58In the military, we promote uniformity.
24:00That's why you have on your Kevlar and your gloves instead of your wig and your, you know, your t
24:05-shirt.
24:05I, I don't have a wig, just so we're clear.
24:10I mean, I, I, it's not, not that there's anything wrong with wearing a wig.
24:14The safe zone when winching is one cable length and the opposite direction of pull.
24:20So when you go over there into the tree line, all of that stuff right there can stop all of
24:26your winch carrying.
24:27Understand?
24:28Not really, but you know what, I'm, I'm, I'm following you.
24:31Got it, got it.
24:31If you understand.
24:32I understand.
24:33Yeah, I'm in the safe zone.
24:36Now, far be it from me, Sergeant, to tell you your business.
24:40I mean, you're in the training profession, but through the expression, positive reinforcement, does that ever, does that ever factor
24:48into the whole equation here?
24:49All the time.
24:50Because, I mean, I just came all the way from there, all the way to you, never once, stepping on
24:55or straddling a cable, and no one's congratulated me.
24:58Because that's to be expected.
25:00Okay.
25:01Now, see, this, this to me just seems like we could, I don't know.
25:05Quit flapping your gums and do some work.
25:06Yeah, you better feed that through there.
25:08Winstead scares me, right?
25:09All right.
25:10Some guests not only don't care about being on TV, they've never even seen our show.
25:16What's the name of your show again?
25:18I never really watched it myself.
25:19Dirty, dirty job?
25:21Yes, there's dirty in it, for sure.
25:23What's happened, sweetie?
25:24A little surprise there on the fancy stainless steel.
25:27You really should watch my little show.
25:29I think there are parts of it that would speak to you.
25:32I promise you, I promise you, I will watch your show.
25:34Not just this segment, either.
25:36No, no, no.
25:37No.
25:37All right.
25:38Are they going to come out on DVDs?
25:39Since most people I meet don't care one way or the other about TV fame, when I meet somebody
25:44who does, I'm left speechless.
25:47You know, now's a good time to pitch this idea I had, like a reality show for makeup effects
25:52people.
25:52And every week they give us a project to make, like, talking food, you know, a dead jello.
26:00What do you think?
26:01You got connections?
26:04Yeah, you do.
26:05Let's do this thing.
26:06Me and you, baby.
26:07Let's do it.
26:08All right.
26:08Soap you in the butter, huh?
26:09Mm-hmm.
26:10Bam.
26:11Boom.
26:12Let's get ready to turn into cottage cheese.
26:14Watch this.
26:15They make a green kind, too, that looks a lot like guacamole.
26:22All right.
26:23I think this act is officially over, so why don't we just take a break, enjoy some more
26:26of this fake champagne, have another crumpet, and when we come back, we'll talk about whatever
26:31it says here.
26:32Maybe ducks and turtle.
26:33Remember duck?
26:34Turtle?
26:35Remember turtle?
26:35Oh, turtle.
26:35Yeah.
26:36We'll talk about him.
26:37Yeah.
26:37And we'll talk about other stuff, too.
26:39That's good.
26:39He was a character.
26:40He really was.
26:41Be ashamed to miss a second of this riveting conversation.
26:44It's dirty when we come back.
26:46Tell them, stick around.
26:47We'll be back in a minute.
26:47Stick around.
26:48We'll be back.
26:51Statistics show that without the use of body language, up to 65% of human communication
26:56can be lost.
26:57Gestures we make with hands, facial expressions, and body movements help communicate what we
27:01really mean to say.
27:03Deciphering and using body language to one's advantage can prevent sending mixed messages.
27:12Welcome back, everybody.
27:13Dirty conversations unfolding even as we speak right here in the tea room at the Grand
27:18Hotel.
27:18Is this actually the tea room, ladies, or just a room where we're having tea?
27:21Just a room where we're having tea.
27:22Okay.
27:23It's important to get it right, and we're trying to get it right here as we look back
27:26and reflect upon some of our favorite people on the show getting to know them a little
27:29bit better by watching and listening carefully to what they say when the cameras never stop
27:33rolling.
27:34Yeah.
27:34Sometimes on this show, we get too much information.
27:37You know what I mean?
27:38Like, when you get people talking, they'll just keep talking and go and go and go.
27:41Have you noticed that?
27:42Yeah.
27:43Are we talking too much?
27:45No, no.
27:45It's not you at all.
27:46But this next act, I called it TMI, which is too much information.
27:50Right over here.
27:51With the bottom tray?
27:53Oh, the tray.
27:54The bottom, pull it out.
27:55Oh, yeah.
27:56Look at that.
27:57Yep.
27:57That is wonderful.
27:59You're doing good.
28:00You're even looking good doing it.
28:02Thank you very much, Turtle.
28:03You got to thank your parents or whoever.
28:05I just noticed it, sir.
28:07I'll pass it on to my dad.
28:09He'll be proud, too.
28:10Wonderful job, Ed.
28:12Thanks.
28:12Um, look good doing it, too.
28:15Good.
28:16Why do I keep saying that?
28:18It's Vegas, baby.
28:19What happens in Vegas?
28:20It stays in Vegas.
28:22You got some dogs here you've been dealing with?
28:24Yeah.
28:24It's a collectible piece that a lot of people like to get their hands on.
28:30Why?
28:31Why do you suppose?
28:32What is it about the Burmese?
28:33Is it the color?
28:34I guess.
28:34I'm just, I'm not a real big fan of it, but they seem to like it.
28:39So we keep doing it.
28:40You realize we're going to use all of this.
28:41Are you?
28:42Oh, yeah.
28:43Yeah.
28:43My 15 minutes of time.
28:45Could be more.
28:46The paint.
28:47That we also use as a lead paint.
28:49Join us next for our whole new line of radioactive lead paint puppies.
28:56It's just the perfect thing for the holidays.
28:59Now, when the kids come in here for the tours and the families and such, do you invite them
29:04to take a sip of the whey?
29:06Do you say, would anyone like some nice spring water and then fill up the bottle with some
29:10whey and then just let the madness ensue?
29:12I've been tempted.
29:13Sure.
29:14Yeah, I've been tempted.
29:15I'm not that fun of kids.
29:18You know, a lot of women on national television wouldn't be comfortable professing that kids
29:22really weren't there.
29:23I like my own.
29:24I like my own.
29:25Because I've met yours.
29:26I don't care for them, frankly.
29:27I like my own.
29:28I like all children but yours.
29:30You know, I don't mean to make a bigger deal of this, but this.
29:33Yeah.
29:34That's how you discipline the kids.
29:36See?
29:37She's a monster.
29:38Stop her.
29:40I'm doing something wrong, aren't I?
29:42Yeah.
29:42Just say it.
29:42You've already said you hate kids.
29:44You're not going to hurt anybody's feelings now.
29:45I don't hate kids.
29:46You're a monster.
29:49Renowned kid hater.
29:51I'm not a renowned kid hater.
29:52Everybody knows throughout Vermont.
29:54No.
29:55You don't like children.
29:56You were very clear about it.
29:57I don't.
29:58I really don't.
29:59You're right.
29:59I stick it out there.
30:00I don't like them that much.
30:02I like my own kids.
30:03Is it your goal, ultimately, to sell cheese?
30:06To adults.
30:08A lot of the adults watching the program may have bred.
30:11They may have children of their own.
30:13Yeah.
30:13Okay.
30:13Yeah.
30:14But I have to give it up.
30:15You're a very honest woman.
30:16I appreciate your candor.
30:20Sometimes if they're too runny, the paint runs.
30:24Is that really the sentence you want to go with?
30:27Paint.
30:27Sometimes when they're too runny, the paint runs?
30:29That's what you want to stand with?
30:30I drink.
30:31Yeah.
30:33I mean, not excessively.
30:35I mean, we literally, you know, we have dozens of viewers, and they're going to quote you.
30:38Yeah.
30:39Everything's going to pop up on the website within hours of this thing airing.
30:43Do you hear Kim?
30:44She says the runny pink with the paint runny run run.
30:47She must be, you know, or you got a few, throw a few back.
30:50I'm being home and drink, Henry.
30:56I'm a bit of a germaphobe.
30:58Are you?
30:58A little bit.
30:59I never would have noticed.
31:01Yeah, a little bit.
31:03Just a little.
31:04Yeah.
31:05There are certain things, like if a restaurant has dirty windows, I will not eat it.
31:09I don't care if the king of England's sitting in there eating his lunch.
31:14Dirty windows.
31:14Their windows are dirty.
31:16No.
31:17Because what, I mean, what does that say for their forks or their plates?
31:20Got it.
31:20If you can't clean a window.
31:21Doesn't that make sense?
31:22Not really know, but the way your brain works, fascinate me.
31:26How many kids you got?
31:27Five.
31:28You have five kids?
31:30Bernie and I together have eight, but he and I don't have any together.
31:35You don't have to tell me everything.
31:38But I want to, Mike.
31:39You, so you and Bernie have no...
31:41Together.
31:42But, but five.
31:44Five are mine.
31:45Five are mine.
31:45From two previous marriages.
31:48Again, you know, I don't, it's not important that it's two previous.
31:51We don't have to bring that up, do we?
31:55You know, I call Bernie Barsky sometimes.
31:57Did he tell you that?
31:58You call your husband Barsky?
32:00Just because I like to say Barsky.
32:02I do, too.
32:04I, I've, I've tried to incorporate his name as a, as a verb, you know, not as a noun.
32:09You smash your shin in the coffee table in the middle of the night when you're going to take a
32:14pee, you yell, Barsky.
32:16Yeah.
32:17It's catching on.
32:18All right, you almost, you almost never see this kind of art on a toilet bowl.
32:23Here you can see just the, the hints of beautiful women surrounding the lid.
32:30And here they are completely bare-chested.
32:35That'd be very distracting as you're standing there or sitting there.
32:40Well, whatever.
32:41Maybe I've shared too much.
32:45Look, um, this segment is so over.
32:49Yes.
32:49I'm just really talking to you now to see how much longer this is going to go.
32:53Yeah, we'll never use any of this.
32:54Oh, good.
32:55I mean, I can't imagine.
32:56Oh, good, then I'm taking off my hair now because I'm hot as hell.
33:01Stick around.
33:02More Dirty Conversations when we...
33:05Come back.
33:06When we come back.
33:06That's exactly right, ladies.
33:07Good.
33:08Good.
33:09Are we cutting right now or are we rolling or is this a break?
33:12It's really hard to know.
33:14Coming up.
33:16Look, up in the sky.
33:17It's a bird.
33:18It's a plane.
33:20No, it's just super gross conversations.
33:23I'm not afraid.
33:25Now with 90% new footage.
33:27Oh.
33:36Welcome back, everybody.
33:37If you're just joining us, it's Dirty Conversations.
33:39We're in the tea room here in the Grand Hotel in Mackinac,
33:43where I look for an excuse to return every year and chat with Mike.
33:46And you find one.
33:46That's correct, I do.
33:48You guys had such a good time here.
33:49I was so close to finishing that sentence, I swear.
33:51Let's talk about cleaning that barbecue pit.
33:53Oh, that was bad.
33:54Oh, that was bad.
33:55Yeah, yeah, yeah.
33:56That was bad.
33:57There was a scene in there that never aired, I don't think.
34:00Maybe some of it did, but do you remember potty meat?
34:02No, I think not.
34:03Oh, I don't remember that one.
34:05I don't remember that.
34:05Well, what do you think potty meat is?
34:07It doesn't sound good.
34:09It ain't.
34:10All right, let's take your thumb.
34:12Sometimes talking about something gross can make it super gross.
34:16That's a lot like potty meat, don't it?
34:18A pot of meat?
34:19Is that what you said?
34:20Potty meat.
34:21What's potty meat?
34:22Potty meat.
34:23Oh, potted meat.
34:24Potted meat.
34:26Potty meat?
34:26I thought we were on the verge of discovering something truly unfortunate.
34:29Well, we can use that in different episodes.
34:31Have you tried the potty meat?
34:39Waiter, is this...
34:40This tastes like potty meat.
34:43I believe I ordered the shake, but that's potty meat.
34:48I'd like to have a word with the manager.
34:55Potty chicken.
34:57That's it.
34:57Try the potty chicken.
34:59Best potty chicken in Georgia.
35:03Potty meat.
35:09I don't like the way I feel when I say potty meat.
35:14Not if you've ever eaten any potted meat before.
35:16No, I don't even like that idea.
35:20Where was I?
35:21Oh, yes.
35:21Cutting the butts out of chicken.
35:22Here we are.
35:24Well, this is very festive, Don.
35:28You found the perfect example of the blood that ran through with their poo.
35:38Came out the other end, rather than the mouth, from the red meat.
35:43What we have here, if I can just sum up, is a pile of bloody poo, peppered with individual
35:53little stacks of vomit.
35:57Right.
35:58Evidently, I'm sure that right above us is his favorite roosting place, where he or she
36:06will regurgitate last night's dinner, and go out and get new dinner.
36:13They basically just sit up there and crap and puke the day away.
36:17Hunt at night, crap and puke all day.
36:21Yeah.
36:25I think it's reasonable to sweat when you're pulling a toilet out of a wall, though.
36:29I mean, it's work.
36:31I mean, you hate to see people sweating when they're sitting on the toilet.
36:34Because that suggests a level of difficulty that you don't want to wish on anyone.
36:40Right.
36:40Right?
36:40I mean, if you break out into a sweat while you're having a seat here, that's just, you
36:44need to see a doctor.
36:45That's how I like to picture people sitting down on the toilet sweating when I'm giving
36:49speeches and I'm nervous.
36:50You know, some people picture people naked.
36:52I picture them on the bowl.
36:55Perspiration busting out on their forehead.
36:57Like a button.
36:58Like a button.
37:02Like if I picture people busting their buttons on the toilet.
37:05I don't want to do this.
37:10I mean, this is, you know.
37:13God, this is rude.
37:15It's just like, it's like taking a poop in the Home Depot or something, you know, in the
37:20toilet display.
37:21It's rude.
37:22People shouldn't do that.
37:23As a rule, if there's no toilet in the bowl, you shouldn't make a deposit.
37:30Should be a substantial penalty for early withdrawal.
37:34That looks like it's been in there a while, too.
37:37Looks like some mildew had brew on it.
37:41Oh, yeah.
37:42You see that?
37:43The poo has mold on it.
37:45Yeah.
37:46That is some moldy poo.
37:48I'm not even sure that's people poo.
37:50Look at that.
37:50Looks like it came out of some sort of varmint.
37:56Look, it's all kind of weird and petite.
37:58Well, maybe it's girl poo.
37:59I'm not used to it.
38:01You know what?
38:02If this were a Waldorf salad, essentially, these would be the nuts, right?
38:07The croutons.
38:08The croutons.
38:08Right.
38:09I know that's what you meant.
38:10Yeah.
38:11I'm not familiar with the Waldorf, but just in general, I just have to, I mean, this is
38:16a seminal moment for me because I don't think I've ever seen a more disgusting melange
38:22of substances.
38:24Yeah, it's pretty disgusting, all right.
38:26It does look like icing on the cake.
38:30The poo cake.
38:34This is a bad place to be squatting, don't you think?
38:43I'm not afraid.
38:45Why don't we just take the vomit and be on our way?
38:48Yeah, there's enough dirt.
38:50It's the whole notion of bloody poo.
38:53It's not anything I really want to dwell on.
38:56Now, what are you doing?
38:57I'm just looking to see, uh...
38:59No, you were putting your finger in the bloody poo.
39:01You were poking the bloody poo, you dirty man.
39:04For no good reason.
39:06There's no...
39:07You can't possibly justify why you would take a finger and stick it in a pile of bloody poo.
39:12No, you can't.
39:13I'm sorry.
39:14I would like to go now.
39:17You're not going to hold it against me, are you?
39:22You could probably make an omelette out of this.
39:24Probably.
39:25I mean, seriously.
39:26Lemon meringue pie.
39:30Sure, mucus surprise.
39:33Snot a la mode.
39:36Hey, Dave.
39:37You want to see something funny?
39:40Watch this.
39:45Oh.
39:51Oh, this stuff come off.
39:53It doesn't.
39:54Oh, God.
40:00Now, it's your turn.
40:02Yes.
40:02Look at this.
40:05Oh.
40:08Come on.
40:10They produce their own snot all the time.
40:13All the time.
40:13They keep producing it.
40:15And they do it.
40:15They're drafting their own snot.
40:17And they do it until the day they die.
40:18Yeah.
40:19It's cool the way your guys' nose runs at the same time.
40:21How do you do that?
40:22Because I got a cold.
40:25You're like a slime meal.
40:27Here, let me get that for you.
40:29Here.
40:29No, you don't.
40:30No, no, no.
40:30I feel like, I mean, have you been such a good guest?
40:35Well, look at this.
40:36Give us a big blow.
40:37Give us a big blow.
40:38There you go.
40:41Okay.
40:42We probably got as much out of that as we did.
40:44I think we have.
40:47That was Dirty Conversations.
40:48I hope you like their look back.
40:50And I hope you like my new best friends.
40:52Let's have a toast, okay?
40:53Okay.
40:54All right.
40:54We'll grab a toast.
40:55Okay.
40:56To the Maidle sisters, thanks for being such great fans.
40:59It was fun.
40:59And we had a blast.
41:00All righty.
41:01Good.
41:01We had a blast.
41:02That's why we'll do it again next year.
41:03Down the heck.
41:05See ya.
41:08Did that work out good for you guys?
41:09It's still working out pretty good.
41:11We will do virtually anything on Dirty Jobs to get you to go to discovery.com forward slash
41:15Dirty Jobs and suggest my next Dirty Adventure.
41:18And I'm not beyond corralling a set of good-natured twins into a tea room to have them sing the
41:23Dirty
41:23Jobs theme song to illustrate that very point.
41:26Ladies, would you be so kind?
41:27Everyone who has a job has his dues to pay, working for that paycheck and getting through
41:33the day.
41:34But if you're bored or otherwise and kind to be a slob, grab some boots, lose that suit
41:40and get a dirty job.
41:41Keep going.
41:42Dirty Jobs are everywhere.
41:43Just take a look around.
41:44Discovery.com forward slash Dirty Job.
41:48You go.
41:49You don't have to go.
41:49You make a suggestion.
41:51You don't have to rock.
41:51Next thing you know, I'm still employed.
41:53Get yourself a dirty job.
41:54And eventually, the song ends.
41:57All you have to do is get yourself a dirty job.
41:59Like that.
42:00There you go.
42:00There you go.
42:03Doug, did you just fart?
42:04Did I actually hear you fart from here?
42:06Fart in front of the twins?
42:09What kind of?
42:10You were in a grand hotel.
42:12What kind of animal are you?
42:14See, that was a silence.
42:15When's the last time that happened?
42:16This is where you're going to fill in with the clip, right?
42:19Probably not.
42:22How did you get the contact lenses off your eyes after that blast furnace for that period?
42:26I just pulled them out a little piece at a time.
42:28I thought you had to use drops or something.
42:31No, no.
42:31Drops are for girls.
42:32Yeah.
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