- 2 days ago
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:25Oh my gosh, they killed Kenny!
00:27You bastards!
00:51And now back to Wheel of Fortune!
00:56Alright Brandon, congratulations on making it all the way to the bonus round!
01:00Thanks Pat!
01:01You've got some family here watching tonight!
01:03Yeah, they're all rooting for me!
01:05And I'm sure you have lots of friends watching back home!
01:08Yeah!
01:08Hi everybody watching in South Park!
01:11That's us!
01:12That's us!
01:13Hey, we're here to the clock!
01:15Well, let's see if we can't make everyone proud.
01:17The category is people who annoy you.
01:21Okay.
01:22As always, we give you the letters R, T, S, L, N.
01:27We just need more confidence than that.
01:30Okay, let's go.
01:31T, N, and it's A.
01:35This is Al, and O.
01:37Okay, well, looks like they're gonna get a lot of help here.
01:40Everything's alive!
01:43Everything's alive!
01:44Everything's alive!
01:44Audience is quiet!
01:51Well, um...
01:52Ten seconds, Mr. Marsh.
01:54I know it, but I don't think I should say it.
01:57Five seconds.
01:58Just while I love to wash my teeth, I know I'm slowly wild.
02:03Oh, how do you feel?
02:04I truly love to brush my teeth!
02:13Biggie Smalls.
02:16Biggie Smalls.
02:19Biggie Smalls.
02:22Biggie Smalls.
02:23What the fuck is this?
02:25Haaaah!
02:25Hey!
02:27Haaaaaah!
02:30Haaaaah!
02:31Roaaaaaaaah!
02:33Butters, we told you to be in bed.
02:35What are you doing?
02:35I summoned Biggie Smalls, the hip hop rapper.
02:39You had a nightmare.
02:40Turn around and get back in your room right now.
02:43But Dad is gonna bust a cap in my ass.
02:45Wait, you wanna get shot or you wanna be grounded?
02:48AHHHHH!
02:50Honestly, why do you let him watch that darn black entertainment channel?
03:00It's so confusing!
03:03Hm?
03:05I thought Finn was a stand-up guy, you know?
03:08But he basically betrayed me.
03:11Why do people even have secrets?
03:14It's like that in the Fire Kingdom, too.
03:17Everyone is all deceitful and Shakespeare.
03:19But out here doesn't seem any different.
03:22Why do I have to feel like this?
03:25And what is the noise?!
03:30Randy, what's going on?
03:34What's going on, Dad?
03:35Take the kids to the basement and lock the door!
03:39Randy, what are we-
03:40Just do it, baby, please!
03:48Randy, I'm not gonna hurt you.
03:51What the fuck are you doing here?!
03:53I need your help, Randy. I can't go to the police.
03:55Yeah, no shit, cause you're a murderer!
03:57I didn't kill anyone!
03:59Look, I know we've had our differences, but I need you to trust me right now.
04:03I was observing you, for research.
04:07You're a threat, Flame Princess.
04:09Your emotions are directly linked to your combustion levels.
04:12But, if I can create a scientific model that describes your complete elemental matrix,
04:17I can isolate and suppress your more volatile traits.
04:22So, if you do your research, are you spying on me?!
04:25I don't care about Credigree weed anymore!
04:28I just want to fix the drought!
04:30You're not going to fix it!
04:31Because PeePee controls everything!
04:34PeePee?
04:35He used the water commissioner to get us to start our streaming war against each other.
04:41No.
04:42He used us, Randy!
04:43PeePee tried to have me killed, but some little beaver thing saved me!
04:46Please!
04:47My wife said Token and his friends went to look for me at the water park.
04:50Credigree and Tegrity have to work together!
04:55Can't go trick-or-treating.
04:57My dad says I have to stay and help with the store.
04:59Yes, I'm serious.
05:01I know it sucks, Kyle!
05:03Dude, you can't do this!
05:04How can we be the Avengers without Captain America?!
05:06I know, but there's nothing I can do!
05:08But what about the costume contest?
05:10What's going on, Kyle?
05:11Stan can't come!
05:12Stan can't come?!
05:13But he's fucking Captain America!
05:15I'm sorry, you guys.
05:16My dad's doing a big Halloween promotion.
05:18Does anybody even go to Blockbuster anymore?
05:21I mean, somebody who would have sex with Kyle's mom would have sex with just about anything!
05:26Oh, come on.
05:27He can't be trying that with all our wives.
05:29Wouldn't be the first time.
05:32Yeah, there's a price to be paid with having things convenient.
05:36Used to be, a man had to go to the store to buy himself a pitcher of milk.
05:41Yeah, but men got lazy.
05:43They wanted that milk delivered right to the door.
05:46Look, look, the thing is, do we tell Gerald, or do we just stay out of it?
05:50How do you tell him?
05:51Hey, Gerald, sorry, but the UPS man is banging your wife!
05:54It's really none of our business.
05:56If my wife was having sex with the UPS man, I'd want you guys to tell me!
06:00How do you know she's not?
06:01I mean, think about it.
06:03This is a guy who visits all our houses to-
06:05Sure, you had your nice cold milk delivered right to your doorstep, but your wife was getting pounded out like
06:11a mallet duck.
06:16And now you got your Amazon.
06:21Well, hello there, Mr. UPS man.
06:24What are you-
06:25You should have left our wives alone.
06:27Now let's go for a drive.
06:33Look, you can have whatever's in the back.
06:35It's all stuff from Amazon.
06:37Oh, now pull in here.
06:41Just let me go, huh?
06:43Oh, but then we'd miss out on all the fun.
06:50You should have never come to our town.
06:54A man's wife is his life, Mr. UPS man.
07:04Oh, my God!
07:05Come on, honey!
07:08Thought we wouldn't find out?
07:21Who's there?
07:23Please!
07:30Hello?
07:31Hello, this is Varashnu with Woodform Security.
07:35A man just broke into my house with a-
07:38Varashnu?
07:39Yeah, I really get you.
07:41But sometimes friends are hard to understand.
07:44Sometimes you think you know them, but you find out they're just playing mind games.
07:48Is the princess your friend?
07:49I don't know.
07:51Yeah, because why did she lock you up in jail when you were a little baby?
07:56That was a weird friend thing.
07:59I didn't sign up to have some Indian guy call me. Are you even in the United States?
08:03Ah, yes, I am in United States.
08:06Ah, that is bullshit. Put your manager on.
08:09Okay, hold on.
08:10Sorry, buddy, nobody allowed in.
08:12Could they do that?
08:13Look, we came to speak with your government about the-
08:16Yeah, no, sorry.
08:17Everything past here is ours.
08:18You can't, you can't go past, past here.
08:21We're Americans. We don't even want to be over there.
08:24What do you think we're gonna do?
08:25Well, you know, we just don't want you raping our women and stuff.
08:28That is ridiculous.
08:31Alright, smartass. That's just about enough-
08:33Look, there's just some really cool shit back here and we don't feel like sharing it.
08:37Cool shit like what?
08:38Don't worry about it.
08:39No, what's back there? Let me see.
08:41It's alright, Karen.
08:42No, goddammit, let me see!
08:46Watch the bowels.
08:48Okay, alright, give me the helmet.
08:49We'll see what they've got behind that goddam wall.
08:52You know what I am, friends?
08:55I'm a doer.
08:58Canada says we can't go into their country.
09:00I'm going into their country.
09:02And when I do, I am fucking every last Canadian so hard.
09:08Alright, let's do this.
09:13USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!
09:21USA! USA! USA!
09:24USA! USA! USA! USA!
09:27Why, he's dead.
09:34Ha ha ha ha ha!
09:36Ha ha ha ha!
09:44Hey!
09:46Where is everyone, guy?
09:54J-
10:07We can dance if we want to
10:09We can leave your-
10:11How did a US citizen get past my wall?
10:14I came here to find out where my country gone!
10:16Where your country gone? Where my country gone?
10:19No, where my country gone, bitch!
10:21Nobody talks to me like that, buddy!
10:23Nobody talks to me like that, friend!
10:26Yeah?
10:27Stupid Apple! I built that wall!
10:29Think of that!
10:32Hey, there you go!
10:33There you go!
10:34I ca- I came here to do one thing!
10:37Hey, what the-
10:38Hey, that pulse, buddy!
10:40Oh my god, guy!
10:42No, please, no!
10:44No, no!
10:46No, no!
10:48Smalls!
10:50Oh, god damn it!
10:52It does work!
10:53Holy crap!
10:55That's it! Now I'm pissed!
11:00How come they say, Knott's Berry Farm?
11:04In the name of Christ, just let us in!
11:09We're really sorry, Mr. Smalls!
11:11Not as sorry as you're gonna be, if I completely missed the party!
11:15Here you go, flight 72 to Los Angeles, boarding in 10 minutes!
11:18See? You can still make it for the end of the party!
11:20Yeah, I'm just gonna be pissed if I miss-
11:22What the-
11:23No! No!
11:25Smalls!
11:27No way!
11:29Motherfucking god damn it!
11:30Ah!
11:33Why?!
11:33That's pretty cool!
11:35Hey-Hey, Sharon!
11:36Cool this, sucker!
11:38Oh!
11:40If you're an evil witch, I will put you for fun!
11:43What are you doing in front of my family?!
11:46Hold on, bro.
11:46Perhaps it's a non-flamish custom unknown to us.
11:49Nope!
11:49Just doin' the kinda stuff I do all the time!
11:52This is a nightmare come true for me, sister.
11:55Are you do-
11:56Oh, hey, you came. I got worried because you didn't answer special occasion phone.
12:00My relatives are waiting inside.
12:02What?
12:02Well, that's why I called on special occasion phone.
12:05All my less evil family members are here for dinner.
12:08Come eat.
12:10Hmm.
12:13I can't do this anymore. I can't take it.
12:16Oh, uh, hi, Scott.
12:18Nobody ever pays attention to me. Nobody cares.
12:21I just want to end it all.
12:23Scott, come on, we've talked about this.
12:25You don't want to quit Twitter.
12:26Why not? Everyone would be happier if I did.
12:29Who'd be happier?
12:30Everyone.
12:31What about your parents, huh?
12:33How do you think they'd feel if you quit Twitter?
12:36I don't think they'd even notice.
12:38Of course they'd notice. They'd be sad.
12:41Our mission was a success.
12:43We stuck to the plan and did not get sidetracked in any way.
12:47Yes, we remained focused on the sleepover
12:49and not on various issues we're dealing with in our personal lives.
12:52As a result, we now have all the clone secrets and none of each other's.
12:55Our dignity is rock solid
12:57and we are not attracted to either of our parents.
13:01All I can tell you is that so far,
13:03Bane has not been caught.
13:06What are we supposed to do?
13:08I mean, if Bane is out there on the loose,
13:10then none of us are safe.
13:11One Bane's bad enough,
13:13but apparently we got like,
13:14like seven Banes.
13:15Okay?
13:16And why don't we tell our kids?
13:18We can't leave them in the dark.
13:19Wouldn't be the only ones in your family completely in the dark.
13:23What?
13:23Huh? Nothing.
13:24Now listen,
13:25there's nothing more we can do to protect your homes,
13:28but there's someone here who says he can.
13:31Hello, folks.
13:32We're more than happy to get your home safe and secure.
13:34Now, you're going to be wanting monitors on all your doors and windows,
13:37motion detectors in the living areas,
13:39and I would also recommend you all get our newest personal security system
13:43to make sure your wives are safe outside the home.
13:46Whoa, whoa, wait, wait.
13:47What do you mean?
13:49Protecting your home and your family is hard enough,
13:52but sometimes alarms on your doors are...
13:54Even though it's convenient to have things done for you,
13:57sometimes it's best to deal with it yourself.
14:05Uh, hi.
14:06I got a delivery for you.
14:07Yeah, come in for a minute, would you?
14:09What?
14:10Please, I need you to come sit down for a second.
14:14Okay.
14:20So, here we all are.
14:23What's going on?
14:24You know goddamn well what's going on.
14:26This ends right now.
14:28We are a family, and you need to go somewhere else.
14:31Don't you think I want to?
14:32I hate this damn town.
14:34Every day, things just keep getting weirder around here,
14:37and I'm just about sick of it.
14:39Ah!
14:41Oh, my God!
14:45Hello?
14:45This is Brian with insecurity.
14:47Is everything all right?
14:48No, they blew up my car!
14:50They blew up my car!
14:51I'm sending help.
14:52Police are on their way with blankets and cocoa.
14:54They're after me again!
14:55Do something!
14:56Hold on one second, sir.
14:57I have another emergency coming in.
14:59This is Brian with insecurity.
15:00Is everything all right?
15:01Yeah, no.
15:02False alarm again.
15:09Ah!
15:09My hams!
15:11Beating, freaky old Trump!
15:12Ah!
15:31Not my bad!
15:32Ow!
15:35Ah!
15:43What is all that noise?
15:45Ach, my glove!
15:48Inferno!
15:49Shots!
15:50Ah!
15:53Ah!
15:54Ah!
15:59What the hell was that?
16:01Did you feel something?
16:04Ah!
16:05Ah!
16:05Ah!
16:05Ah!
16:05Oh, no!
16:08Jesus Christ!
16:14Ow!
16:15Ow!
16:16Ow!
16:19Ow!
16:20Ow!
16:23What the hell's going on out here?
16:25Stay out of this, Gerald.
16:26Some men care about what their wives are doing.
16:29What?
16:30You don't even have a wife, Jimbo.
16:35Somebody answer me!
16:36You have to send help now!
16:38Sir, we are sending help.
16:40Just stay calm.
16:41Hang on, sir.
16:41This is Martin with insecurity.
16:43Yeah, I'm thinking maybe Gerald's house is nicer than mine is.
16:48Hello, this is Martin with insecurity.
16:50Goddammit, I've had it with you people!
16:51When I signed up, I thought I was getting CSI guys protecting my ass, but all you answering
16:55the phones are complete retards!
16:59Hello?
17:00This is Mike with insecurity.
17:02Is everything all right?
17:03Hello?
17:03Dude, come down here!
17:12So you say this man killed himself because he was a psychopath who was forced to have
17:17sex with his mother?
17:18Yes, we found that in his pocket.
17:21Arknah.
17:23Pedum.
17:25Outhnodboral.
17:26That's pretty cool.
17:28Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
17:30Ah!
17:31Oh, it burns!
17:32Okay, Chip, you might need to ease up on the crack there, buddy.
17:36People!
17:37People, quiet, please!
17:39We must not panic!
17:40Well, what are we going to do, Mayor?
17:42Part two of the Family Guy episode airs in six days!
17:45I believe that Professor Thomas from the university has come up with a solution.
17:51Thank you, Mayor.
17:52Now look, everyone.
17:53Muslim terrorists and extremists are threatening us for what Family Guy is going to do because
17:58they've wrongly grouped us together.
18:00Our only hope is to make the Muslim extremists know that we had no part in the Mohammed episode.
18:06That even though the episode aired, we didn't watch it, we didn't hear it, and we didn't
18:12talk about it.
18:12So how do we do that?
18:14We bury our heads in sand.
18:20We take twenty to twenty-five dump trucks, fill them with sand from Monarch Lake, and
18:25then dump the sand along South Park Avenue.
18:26By using approximately eighteen dozen shovels, we can each dig a hole in the sand, stick our
18:31heads in the holes, and then have the person to our left bury them.
18:34If we can manage to get every person's head buried deep, deep in sand before the Mohammed
18:38episode airs, we could avoid looking like we're responsible for any part of this at all.
18:44No, no, wait a minute, that's ridiculous.
18:47Look, what we need to do is just the opposite.
18:50Freedom of speech is at stake here, don't you all see?
18:52If anything, we should all make cartoons of Mohammed, and show the terrorists and the
18:57extremists that we are all united in the belief that every person has a right to say what they
19:02want.
19:03Look, people, it's been real easy for us to stand up for free speech lately.
19:08For the past few decades, we haven't had to risk anything to defend it, but those times
19:13are going to come, and one of those times is right now.
19:17And if we aren't willing to risk what we have, then we just believe in free speech, but we
19:25don't defend it.
19:30I like the sand idea.
19:32Yeah, me too.
19:33Yeah, the sand thing sounds a lot simpler.
19:38We're going to need eight dozen shovels and 16 tons of sand.
19:41Let's move, people!
19:44...on our town.
19:45And I want to speak to you all.
19:48Oh, wait, I'm supposed to be in this.
19:49Yeah, you know, you go over there, too.
19:51Right, right, right, right.
19:54We're all on the same side, you and I.
19:58Let's all stick together, let's try.
20:11Hey guys, there's good witches and there's bad witches, and we stand with you in saying
20:18this particular witch needs to be brought down, but that doesn't mean we should all be closing
20:24parks, and stopping all witch activity, because that's not a witch.
20:31Yeah, get out of here!
20:33We're trying to deal with an actual witch!
20:36Nobody's coming after you!
20:38Yes, they are, boys!
20:39And...
20:40Officer Bob Brady, we need you to shoot these kids.
20:42What?
20:43The ad has got to them, there's no time to argue.
20:45I'm not shooting any more kids!
20:47Do you want to save your town?
20:49Officer Bob Brady, we have to stop PC Principal before it's too late!
20:51Bob Brady, shoot them in their heads!
20:52No!
20:53I'm not shooting any more people!
20:55Not for you!
20:56Not for anybody!
20:57You're making the worst mistake of your life, officer!
20:59Maybe so.
21:01All I know is I'm done shooting people.
21:05Oh, sorry, jeez.
21:08Damn it!
21:42You're making the worst mistake of your life, officer, and you're making the worst mistake of your life, and you're
21:42making the worst mistake of your life, and you're making the worst mistake of your life, and you're making the
21:42worst mistake of your life, and you're making the worst mistake of your life, and you're making the worst mistake
21:42of your life, and you're making the worst mistake of your life, and you're making the worst mistake of your
21:42life, and you're making the worst mistake of your life, and you're making the worst mistake of your life, and
21:43you're making the worst mistake of your life, and you're making the worst mistake of your life, and you're making
21:43the worst mistake of your life, and you're making the worst mistake of your life, and you're making the worst
21:43mistake of your life, and you're making the worst mistake of your life, and you're making the worst mistake of
21:43your life, and you're making the worst mistake of your life, and you're making the worst mistake of your life,
Comments